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Genya looks at Tanjiro.
And then he looks at Kanao.
And he realizes some things about himself.
Tanjiro’s bright smile, the kindness in his eyes, the gentle touches and hugs and optimism in his voice. Tanjiro was pretty, he was kind and it was the kind of sweetness that made Genya blush. Though, he did that regularly, but little was it with men.
In fact, he can’t recall when it was with a man at all. Kanao was quiet, she was beautiful, if Genya was being completely honest and there was a mysterious air about her that drew him in. He’s not quite sure how he realized it before, but he looks between them now and he realizes, wow, they’re both attractive people.
And that terrifies him.
Growing up, it had been engrained in his brain that girls, girls, girls was all he was supposed to concentrate on when it came to a partner. Courtesy of his father, of course, that good-for-nothing, and maybe Sanemi being a little overbearing with the way he did his best to take care of Genya. He’d never quite given it a thought before, always having a natural attraction around the pretty girls in his classes and being a little tense at working with any of them because they were beautiful.
He was tall and lanky with a mohawk, not exactly a lot of people’s type. Tanjiro managed to rope him into his friend group, so now he sits here with Zenitsu and Inosuke throwing pieces of food at each other back and forth and he’s surprised neither of them have been reprimanded quite yet.
He studies his friends some more. The glasses perched on Zenitsu’s nose, the freckles on his cheeks, the inherent prettiness of Inosuke’s face with big doe eyes and long hair, a sharp juxtaposition to the hard lines of muscle on his body.
Genya blinks, prodding at his lunch with a fork as Zenitsu sputters something unintelligible. Beside him, Tanjiro is deep in conversation with Kanao, though it feels mostly one-sided as she only blinks and nods her head a couple of times. Across from him, Muichiro is quiet as he silently munches on his food, but he looks up and shoots a questioning look Genya’s way.
“Something on my face?” He asks, patting his own cheeks.
“Huh? Oh-- No. Sorry.” Genya takes a bite out of his food. “I’m just thinking.”
“Okay. About what?” Muichiro asks. He stares up at him with those teal blue eyes and long hair-- pretty, so pretty-- and he thinks that man, he’s a little overdue for his revelation.
“Um. Nothing.” Genya bites his cheek.
“... Okay.” Muichiro says. “I won’t prod, but, y’know, if you need to tell someone…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Genya says.
Attraction is strange for him. He’d always gotten a little peachy over some of Sanemi’s friends, particularly that pink-haired girl. She was pretty, and the girl loved to give emphatic and tight hugs that pressed him right against her chest and he felt perverted about it, but it wasn’t exactly easy to ignore. He knows all of her gestures are in genuine kindness, though, but the thought of interacting with a pretty girl--or a pretty guy has him feeling a little bit clammy.
After his lunch-table revelation, he sort of… brushes it off for a few days. Then days pass into weeks, and he wonders if this is just a phase. Not in a, “my father was homophobic and gaslit me into believing this,” kind of way, but in more of a, “is this attraction, or can I recognize someone is attractive without being attracted to them” kind of way.
He’d only ever really liked one girl in his life, and she was a girl in his class from primary school that he couldn't be bothered to remember her name. But she was pretty, with long hair and beautiful eyes and Genya had been profusely blushing by the end of each of their conversations. His mother would tease him about it, and so would Sanemi, but he never really thought anything of it.
Muichiro tutors him on Wednesdays. Every day after school, Mrs. Tokito invites him for dinner and the two of them spend an hour or two in the evening working on whatever he needs. He’s attracted to Muichiro’s intelligence, and as he turns his head to the side, he sees the curve of his button nose, the fullness of his cheeks, the way his bangs fall in front of his face and he goes, wow, Muichiro is pretty.
And then he backtracks, he pauses, because that’s his friend who is trying to help him out and this is going to get really awkward, really quickly. So he swallows, keeps his mouth shut, and averts his eyes back to the paper where Muichiro’s hand is curled nicely around the pencil as he corrects Genya’s work.
Kanao is a good science lab partner, he thinks. She’s quiet, kind, and gently helps him through the work as they go. Her hair is long and soft and it falls over her shoulder in a side ponytail. The butterfly clip she wears is pretty, just like her, and Genya observes the curve of her nose, the slight natural pink tinge to her cheeks and the butterfly-rimmed glasses that sit on her nose that he knows she uses when she’s focused. The little things, Genya begins to notice, that make up his attraction to these people are things he’s never taken time to appreciate before. Kanao’s hands are soft, Tanjiro’s entire being is kind, Muichiro’s voice is gentle, Zenitsu has an awkward, really cute dorkiness to him and Inosuke is attractive in his own right.
This discovery is novel to him, and extremely juvenile. It’s a strange emotion, with all of these feelings churning in his gut, igniting butterflies in his stomach as Muichiro gives him one of those rare smiles, as Tanjiro gives him a hug every morning, as Inosuke claps him on the back after he passes a difficult test, or as Kanao reads to him softly, melodic and low.
He tells his friends he thinks he’s bisexual, and they all accept him with open arms. Inosuke asks what it is, Zenitsu explains it to him, and then Inosuke proceeds to say that he didn’t know you could do that. It’s hilarious, it makes him giggle, and he finds himself fitting in just fine with his friends.
“I’m bisexual too.” Zenitsu says to him, knocking shoulders. “Except, none of the guys in this school are attractive.”
“What are you talking about?!” Inosuke exclaims angrily. Then, the two of them proceed to get into another cat-fight, and Genya can only roll his eyes in exasperation.
“Are you going to tell your brother?” Tanjiro asks, and that’s when the ball drops.
Sanemi was… difficult. Genya loved him so, so much, but sometimes he’s worried that their father did rub off on him. He lives with his elder brother, and he sees him every day after school and every morning before they’re set to leave. Sanemi isn’t mean--sure, he’s a little brash. Cold, sometimes, but he tells Genya he loves him and has always been his backbone. Hell, he’s the one who got him into contact with Muichiro to get him tutoring.
He doesn’t think Sanemi wouldn’t accept him--Sanemi has always been kind to him, if a little rough. He ruffles Genya’s hair and makes him dinner. But other people say he’s mean, and he’s not exactly the favorite teacher at their school.
“I don’t know.” Genya says truthfully. Muichiro gives him a curious look and fixes him with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“I’m… I don’t know.” he shrugs. “I guess I’m just worried that he’s going to react differently from the way I want him to.”
“We all think like that.” Muichiro says. “I was afraid to come out to my parents and my brother, too, but they still accepted me.”
“Really?”
The other boy nods his head, “Yeah. Just don’t be afraid.”
“It’s easy when you say it.”
Muichiro sighs, “You’re not going to get any further if you keep talking to yourself like that.” He says honestly, and fixes him with a scrutinizing look. He narrows his eyes and points his fork at him. “Just tell him. The worst he can say is he doesn’t agree. He’s not going to stop loving you because you happen to like boys.”
But what if? What if Sanemi kicks him out? What if he tells him he never wants to see him again, and then Genya has to come face-to-face with the realization that his older brother doesn’t want him because he’s bisexual?
That thought terrifies him.
Still, he sucks in a breath and looks at Muichiro deeply.
“I’ll tell him tonight.” Genya says, “I have a thing after school anyway.”
“Good.” Muichiro says, “Don’t be afraid.”
He’ll try.
------
Okay. He can do this.
He’s not panicking. But he feels his hands getting clammy even as he stands outside Sanemi’s office door. The hallways are fairly deserted but the lights are still on. The wall is cold underneath his fingers where he grips onto it and he can hear the reverberation of gentle chatter from the end of the hall. He thinks a locker slams closed somewhere else.
“Okay, Genya, you got this.” He mumbles to himself.
Then, he takes one knuckle, and raps it against the wood of the door.
“Come in,” his big brother’s voice says from the other side. Genya reaches down for the handle and twists it with a flick of his wrist, opening the door with a squeak and shutting it behind him.
Sanemi looks up, his eyebrows raising slightly from behind the glasses perched on his nose as he takes in his brother’s form. Genya wants to shrink under his intense gaze.
“Genya.” he acknowledges, “can I help you?”
“I, um, wanted to talk to you.” He says, stepping forward and coming to a stop in front of the chairs in front of Sanemi’s desk. He leans forward on it, feeling the fibers of the material under his fingers and the ticking of the clock in the corner of the room and shuffle of papers as Sanemi clears his desk.
“Okay.” He says, “are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just… wanted to tell you something.”
Sanemi sets down his pen and crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow at his younger brother. There’s a harsh look on his face, one that makes Genya consider lying and saying that he forgot what he came there for and that he’ll see him at home.
“Should I be worried?”
“No.” Genya says instantly. “No. But I am.”
“Kid, what’s going on? Did somebody hurt you?”
“No!” Genya says, faltering with his hands. “Just-- give me a second.”
“Okay. I can wait.”
Genya turns his head to the side and looks out the open window. He sees the wind whistle and blow the curtains and he takes a deep breath.
“I think I’m… bisexual.”
It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Genya searches Sanemi’s face, looking for traces of anger, resentment, distaste or-- or something. But he doesn’t find any of that. Instead, Sanemi’s eyebrows shoot up with clarity, and a kind-of understanding passes through his features.
“You think?”
“I know-- I am. Bisexual.” Genya swallows.
Sanemi hums. “That all?”
“I-- Uh, yeah?”
“Great.” Sanemi stretches, giving a soft sigh. “Thanks for telling me, kid.”
“I-- you’re not… mad?”
Sanemi furrows his brows, “why would I be mad?”
“I-- I don’t know, I guess I…”
Sanemi chuckles, resting his chin in his hand. “Kid, I’ve got more problems to worry about than who you’re giving eyes to. But… I am glad you felt safe enough to come to me.”
Genya blinks. Well, this was not how he was expecting this to go. But he isn’t complaining, for sure.
“What made you realize? Please don’t tell me you’re dating Kamado.”
Genya blushes profusely, “what? No! No, he’s just a friend--seriously.”
Sanemi sighs.
“I don’t-- I don’t like anyone… like that. I kinda just… realized, y’know? That girls are pretty and… and maybe boys are too.”
Sanemi nods, relief washing over his features. “Still, should I be worried about your tutoring sessions with Tokito?”
“Oh my God, stop.” Sanemi laughs, like actually laughs as Genya buries his face in his hands. “You’re impossible.”
“I love you too, kid.” Sanemi says. Then, he looks at the papers on his desk and begins stacking them into a neat pile. Genya seems to fidget with his hands.
“Thanks.” Genya says.
Sanemi turns his head, quirking an eyebrow. “For what?”
“For accepting me.” He shrugs, “I mean… with how we were raised and the kind of household we lived in, I kinda just figured that--”
“Genya, look at me.” Sanemi says. Genya’s eyes trail up Sanemi’s face, matching a set of violet so much like his own. “I knew our father was just spouting bullshit. I would never kick you out just because you decided you liked men more than women.”
He sighs, turning towards the door. Genya goes to follow him. “Besides, it would be hypocritical.” He tacks on under his breath.
“Wait, what?” Genya stumbles, puzzled.
“What do you want for dinner?” Sanemi asks, completely avoiding the question.
“Sanemi--”
“How’s your tutoring with Tokito going?”
“Oh my God, you can’t just not say anything!”
“Sure can. I’ll start the car.”
“Wh-- Sanemi!”