Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jeff was worried. He was worried you wouldn’t like him. He was worried he’d make some stupid mistake and you wouldn’t be his friend because of it. He was worried he was being too forward, but that he also wasn’t being forward enough. Jeff tried not to think about everything that could go wrong. He tried not to think about what he was about to do. He tried to forget all his worries, all his fears. Jeff was very nervous.

You were sitting in class, reading a book, waiting for the bell to ring. You always got to class so early, but you didn’t want to be late. You could hear the chatter of students as they walked by the door. You scolded yourself. You always ate lunch too quickly, and then left immediately for the classroom. Maybe if you had stayed around longer, even just listened to the students around you, you wouldn’t have felt so lonely.

But you knew that was a lie. You would have still felt lonely, even if you were surrounded by people, because none of those people were your friends. Sure, you talked to your classmates when they talked to you, but you didn’t go out of your way to speak with them. Maybe a hello when passing by them in the halls, but other than that, nothing. You thought that maybe you should try harder, but you sighed. If none of them tried, why should you bother? You focused again on your book, letting yourself get lost in the pages.

You often slipped into what you called a “reading coma” whilst reading. You tended to tune out everything around you as you became invested in the plot, relationships, characters. You had been surprised before to look up and see someone trying to talk to you, and you just hadn’t even realized they were there. Today was one of those days, but this time when you looked up you almost dropped your book in surprise.

“You okay?” Jeff’s gentle voice washed over you. The Jeff. The one you had been watching ever since he had invited you to sit with the guys at the Hidden Block table. You had turned them down, not wanting them to feel sorry for you. You were fine with your books. As time went on, however, you regretted the choice not to sit with them more and more. But it was too late, and you wouldn’t dare asking them. They’d just pity you more.

“I, uh, I was just reading, sorry. Sometimes I get lost in the books.” You placed your bookmark and shut the book, looking up at Jeff. “Anything I can do for you?” You mentally smacked yourself. That sounded so… formal.

“Sort of? I, um..” Jeff felt like this was very brash. Regretting his spur of the moment decision, he tried to gather his confidence. Sure, it was stupid, but it was worth a shot. Sighing, he formed a sentence.

“Do you want a kiss?” You felt your heart stop. Your face glowing a bright red, you tried to stammer a reply.

“I... a... what?” You could feel your face getting hotter by the second. Did he know you had feelings for him? Did he have feelings for you? Was he going to- your thoughts ceased as you watched him pull a Hershey's Kiss from behind his back.

“Do you want a kiss?” Jeff smiled, watching your reaction. You bright red and flustered was cute. You were just cute in general, but flustered you especially. He wanted to get to know you more. He wanted to get to know the quiet book nerd that blushed at the thought of a kiss.

“Oh.” You let out a small gasp, feeling a strange mixture of relief and disappointment. You gently took the kiss, staring down at your desk trying to will the blush away. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Jeff walked away. That was the most he could do. That was the most he could handle. He was ready to go lay in bed forever and never come out again. He needed to stay for class, however, so instead he found himself sitting at his desk trying not to look at you.

The rest of the class went uneventfully, and you tried not to look at Jeff too often. Thankfully, he never seemed to look at you, so you were able to study him discreetly. As the bell rang, and the other students in the classroom sprang from their seats, more than ready to leave, you saw him seem to tell his friends he’d catch up with them later before he started walking your way. You stood, trying to look like you were getting ready to leave and totally not spying on him no way!

“I… don’t feel pressured to or anything, but I um.. Would you like to sit at our lunch table? I know you decided not to before but I just wanted to let you know that the offer’s still open. See you tomorrow.” You watched as Jeff turned and walked away. You shook your head slightly. He really was kind of odd, but sweet. You smiled.

The next day as you walked into the lunchroom you felt apprehensive. What if Jeff had decided he didn’t want you to sit with them after all? What if the other club members didn’t want you to sit with them? You worried your lip between your teeth as you went through the lunch line. Nerves getting the best of you, you paused as you left the line, staring out at the tables.

There were the usual tables, groups of friends enjoying each other’s company. There was the Normal Boots table, the teal jackets a dead giveaway. They seemed to be in avid conversation, you could almost hear it from here. You moved on, seeing an empty table in the back of the cafeteria. You paused. Should you…? Maybe it would just be easier to sit alone. You sighed slightly, forcing your eyes to move on.

Finally, you scanned the Hidden Block table. Watching each member as they laughed and joked. Looking at one boy in particular, you shivered. Jeff was watching you. Noticing your eyes on his, he smiled. Blushing slightly, you smiled back and walked towards the table. Jeff moved his backpack off the seat next to him, pulling it out for you. You felt your face heat up slightly as you thanked him and sat down. He must have been saving the seat for you, seeing as every other seat was taken.

“Hi!” “Hello!” “Woah, a girl!” A chorus of greetings welcomed you as you looked around the table. Everyone seemed to be smiling at you, and you felt strangely comforted. You smiled at each boy in turn, faltering slightly as one seemed to be leering at you. You felt Jeff lean in towards you, his breath on your ear.

“Don’t mind Ian. He always looks like that.” You felt frozen. He was just so close and his breath on your ear… You turned slightly, nodding towards him. Looking back down at your food, you tuned into the conversations around you. Something about Nokemon and Marionette party? You hadn’t played those games in years.

“Hey, do you want a kiss?” You turned towards the sound of Jeff’s voice. You could feel the rest of the table watching you. When had it gone so silent?

“Sure?” After yesterday’s offer, you knew he was just going to give you chocolate. He smiled, pulling the little aluminum foil-covered sweet from behind his back, handing it to you. The sudden palpable relief in the air surprised you. Did the guys think he was actually going to kiss you? Looking up at their surprised expressions, you giggled slightly. Seeming slightly abashed, the boys all went quietly back to their conversations. Oh, that was just too funny. You could get used to these guys.

Over time, you did just that. Spending lunch with these guys was so much better than sitting by yourself, and you slowly felt yourself coming out of your shell. You found yourself befriending them, learning more about each of them every day.

Luke was kind, caring, maybe a bit of a flirt? He was also an amazing rapper, as you found out when he invited you to watch him record. He invited you to freestyle a bit with him, promising that he wouldn’t record it if you didn’t want him too. You hesitated, but agreed, reasoning that it would be a new experience if nothing else. It was actually a lot of fun! According to Luke, you weren’t bad at it, either.

Jimmy was adorable. The youngest of the group, he was sweet and just generally cute. He really loved Nokemon, and even lent you one of his games. You battled each other often, and sometimes you even won. Before one such battle, he sat you down and told you he was gay. You were slightly surprised, but after looking back on it you realized the hints were there all along. You hugged him, explaining to him that you could care less who he loved, he was still the Nokemon loving nerd you had become friends with. Then you kicked his ass in the battle. It was a good day.

Wallid was… interesting. He seemed friendly and brash. You didn’t really spend too much time alone with Wallid. You both had separate interests, and so you just didn’t find much to connect on. Occasionally, though, you’d find a common book to talk about, and you both recommended books to each other often.

Caddy was very fun to be around. Boisterous and friendly, you could often hear his British accent ringing across the room. You enjoyed spending time with him, and you were barely fazed when he first introduced you to Salvage and Slaughter. If anything, you found the idea of destroying a game once you were complete with it intriguing. Not only that, his ‘feud’ with Ian was hilarious.

Ian seemed cold and unfriendly at first. As you got to know him, however, you found yourself enjoying talking to him more and more. He was sarcastic, witty, and gave great hugs. Anytime you felt down, all you had to do was go to him and he’d listen, giving you comfort and advice. When he finally told you he was gay, you hugged him even more than you had hugged Jimmy. Ian had quickly become your best friend, something about the two of you just clicked. You had even debated telling him about your crush on Jeff.

Ah, Jeff. The two of you had spent countless nights arguing over Marionette Party and teasing each other endlessly about who had won the most games total. He continued giving you Hershey Kisses, making it somewhat of a tradition to do it when you least expected it. Between classes, before a club meeting, even throwing them at you after you had won in Marionette Party once again, the both of you escalating it into somewhat of a war. He was just so easy to be around, and he really cared about all of his friends.

After spending time with the group for almost a month, you were surprised to see them all staring grimly at you as you sat down at the lunch table once again. Focusing on each boy in turn, you felt yourself frowning. What was wrong?

“We’ve been debating this for a long time.” Wallid was the first to speak.

“We enjoy having you around,” Jimmy continued.

“And you really brighten our day whenever you’re around.” Luke proceeded. You were confused as to why they were still looking at you so sadly. All the stuff they were saying was good, right?

“As you may have noticed, we’re not very organized…” Caddy went on.

“And we thought maybe you could help us with that…” Ian stated solemnly. You felt your eyes widen.

“We want you to join the club.” Jeff finished, and you were suddenly surrounded by grins. You were surprised, but very happy. Trying to keep up appearance, you took a moment to stare down at your food. You could feel them all watching you. Slowly, you looked up, looking at each boy somberly before breaking into a wide smile.

“Of course I’ll join you, idiots! Did you even have to ask? And why were you all looking at me like that? I thought you were going to kick me from the table or something, god!” You laughed. You felt gentle hands drape something over your shoulders. Turning slightly, you saw it was Jeff. Looking down at yourself, you were surprised to see a yellow jacket.

“Did you guys seriously already get me a jacket? Oh my god, you dorks.” You felt tears gather in your eyes. You were happy, so happy. You had friends. Not even just a friends, an entire club who’d rally behind you, supporting you in whatever you do. Covering your mouth, you let out a small sob, smiling.

“I love you guys. Really.” The boys seemed startled, panicked looks crossing over their faces before they scrambled to sandwich you in a group hug. You really would go to the ends of the Earth for these guys.

The next day you found yourself proudly wearing your new jacket. How they ever got these things to be so comfy, you’d never know. You smiled softly. If someone had told you you’d have been joining the Hidden Block Club at the beginning of the year, you’d have thought they were crazy. As you sat down at your desk, you remembered how alone you had felt. Then Jeff had helped you, leading you to your friends. Jeff…You felt your heart speed up. You really needed to talk to someone about him. Settling back in your chair, you knew exactly who. You just had to find him after classes that day….

Walking towards the field near the school, you tried to decide what to say. How does one just come out and say “I have a crush on one of your friends”? …. It couldn’t be as easy as it seemed, right? You organized your thoughts one last time before approaching the figure under the tree.

“Ian, I have something to tell you. I just… need to get it off my chest.” Ian turned to you, watching you calmly. “I- I love Jeff.” You could feel your pulse pounding. You really did love him. He was so kind, considerate. He knew just how to make you cheer up, even when Ian couldn’t. The corner of Ian’s mouth turned up slightly.

“Took you long enough. I’ve known for a while. I also know that you haven’t done anything about it.” Ian tsked. “Not telling him isn’t going to do you any good. You really ought to confess it to him, not me.” Ian smiled at you. You felt shocked. Was it really that obvious?

“I don’t know what to do! Anytime I think about telling him I feel like I’m gonna be sick! How am I supposed to tell him when I feel like I’m going to puke?” You ran a hand through your hair, gesturing wildly. Ian watched you bemusedly.

“You’ll figure it out.” With that, he turned and walked away. You stared at his back, watching helplessly as he left. Walking back to your room, you flopped onto the bed, letting out a frustrated groan. That wasn’t any help at all! You sighed, looking up at your roommate’s bed. Maybe you’d be able to figure something out eventually… With that in mind, you felt your eyes close, mind shutting down. Eventually….

The next couple of days passed uneventfully. Every spare moment you had was used to try to think of a way to confess to Jeff. You hadn’t figured out anything, and it was making you even more stressed out and snappy than usual. Only Ian knew why.

By the fifth day of this, you were done. It was Friday and all you wanted to do was sleep. You were interrupted, though, by the chime of your phone alerting you to a text. Groaning, you picked it up.

Jeff: Meet me at my room, please.

You felt oddly nervous. Shaking your head, you sent a reply, slipping on your shoes and walking towards Bluebell. The butterflies in your stomach becoming stronger with every step, you frowned. He probably just wanted to play Marionette Party or something, nothing to be worried about… But you found yourself chewing your lip anyway. Wringing your hands slightly, you knocked on the door to Jeff’s room. Before you could even lower your hand, the door was open and Jeff was smiling brightly at you.

“Hey!” Jeff stepped back, allowing you to enter the room. You walked in, noting that Ian wasn’t there. Odd, he almost never left his room on a Friday. Shrugging, you sat on the couch in their dorm, watching as Jeff turned back towards you.

Jeff was nervous. He had finally worked up enough courage to show his feelings to you. He just hoped you felt the same way, or he’d be crossing a line. A line that could be the end of your friendship. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to you, sitting next to you on the couch.

You eyed Jeff warily, the nerves in your stomach getting harder to ignore with every step he took. You didn’t know what he was going to do next, and you were anxious. Why was he looking at you like that? Why did he seem so serious? You weren’t used to a serious Jeff. You steeled yourself, waiting for whatever he was going to say.

“Do you want a kiss?” You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Duh, he just wanted to surprise you again with chocolate. You smiled at him, nodding.

“Of course.” You waited for him to bring it out from behind his back like he always did. Instead, he leaned forward, catching your lips in his own. You froze.He meant… Your heart pounding, you leaned into him. You felt like electricity was racing through your body, hyperaware of his lips against yours. Reaching up to cup Jeff’s face with your hands, you moved closer, sighing against his mouth. It was better than you could have dreamed. Jeff eventually pulled away, breathing softly against your face. You looked at him, a smile crinkling his eyes.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” Jeff chuckled, and you grinned at him.

“I’m glad you finally did.” You said, and leaned in once more to kiss him gently.

“I’m glad I did too.”