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Jongseob has been quiet. He always been quiet but this time it feels different. It is different.
Other members noticed that, too. Jongseob still would laugh at a joke that Theo made, but Intak could see how his smile would drop into something deeper. Jiung noticed how Jongseob slept more than he usually does. Jongseob constantly looked tired. Jongseob is tired. But even Jongseob doesn’t know what he’s tired of. And no one bothered to ask either, until it was too late.
Soul found him sitting on the company’s rooftop. Swinging his legs and watching the faint stars that appeared as the sun began to set. Soul said nothing, he just sat down next to Jongseob.
„This choreography is harder than I thought“, Soul said, not really expecting Jongseob to say something in response.
They both stared at the sky. It was quite. The only sound was the hum of the city life.
After a few minutes, Soul turned his face to look at the younger ones face, the golden light defining his features. Jongseob looked like he was in peace. Like he had nothing to worry about. Like he accepted his fate.
That sight made Soul feel uneasy. There was something wrong, but he couldn’t tell what. Even though everything looked fine, everything felt…weird.
„We should get back inside before Keeho drags our asses back there himself“, Soul spoke jokingly, but neither of them moved.
Soul didn’t know if he really wanted to move, but Jongseob looked like he couldn’t move.
„Why are you even here?“, Jongseob finally asked, still watching the sunset.
Soul was confused for a second. Did he really need a reason to be here? With his friend? „I thought you looked lonely sitting here by yourself.“
It was quite again. The more the silence continued, the more Soul felt nervous.
„Seobbie, is there anything bothering you?“ Soul asked, not being able to bear this silence any longer.
Jongseob turned his head to look at the other ones face, and was met with worried eyes. Jongseob hated it. Making others worry about him. Making this about himself knowing everyone has their own problems. He shouldn’t bother them.
„Shota, you know I love you and care for you, right?“ Jongseob smiled, genuinely.
The older one looked confused, wondering what it has to do with his question.
„Yeah…“
…
Soul doubts Jongseob heard his answer.
Soul froze. Staring at the now empty space next to him, where Jongseob used to sit seconds ago. And the worst part? Soul could catch him. But instead he let him slip away. His body too numb to move.
Soul slowly turned his head down, finding Jongseobs body covered in blood on the cold concrete floor. Soul didn’t move nor scream, too shocked to do anything. Did this really happen? It has to be a dream. Soul could feel the nausea building up in his stomach, and that was the proof that what happened now was real. His group mate, no, his friend, let himself fall into the darkness without a doubt.
Did Soul mean nothing to him? What about the other members? How could he just leave P1Harmony like that? That’s selfish.
„Shota? What are you doing up here? Jiung wants to wrap up this practice quickly so we can go home. Also, do you know where Jongseob is?“
He snapped his head at Theo, looking at him with watery eyes, tears slowly falling down.
„Shota..? Hey- what’s wrong?“ Theo quickly walked over and knelt down next to Soul.
Soul stared back down.
„Hey, why are you crying? What happen-“ The words got stuck in Theos throat when he followed Souls gaze and found Jongseobs body laying on the floor.
Theo opened his mouth, trying to say something, but nothing came out. Soul started to sob, reality hitting now.
„God, fuck- no…“ Theo stood up, pulling lightly at his own hair with one hand.
„SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE“ Theo yelled as he ran back in to the building.
Soul was still sitting there. He covered his face with his cold and trembling hands, cause no matter how much he stared at the scene below his feet, he still couldn’t believe it was real. Now he will blame himself as if he is the one who pushed Jongseob off the rooftop.