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Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
He would be lying if he said that he didn’t know what he was doing, and what it would lead to. Of course he knew, as he held the razor in his hand, wondering whether he should press it to his skin. He wanted to be strong, he wanted to be strong for Louis, and he needed to be strong. But some days, it was a little too hard to handle. Harry had all of this thrust upon him at the mere age of sixteen, and now, almost three years later, he had realized what a toll it had taken on his life.
I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall
As the days passed, Louis noticed that Harry was getting… weaker? He really didn’t know how to describe it. His personality had changed in a mere number of days. Did it scare him? Of course. It was his boyfriend they were talking about. The other boys didn’t seem to notice, so he let it slide. With rehearsals for the tour starting off, he put it as that Harry was just tired. How terribly wrong he was.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines
Harry didn’t know how to feel. It went from one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, until they were all over his left arm, just like all those tattoos. He had managed to hide them all quite easily, with it being winter, wearing long sleeved shirts and the occasional jumper to “keep him warm”. The band seemed to notice his lie, but every now and then Louis would ask him, “Is there anything you need to talk about, Harry?” and Harry would once again lie and say no, plastering a fake smile on his face and hugging the older boy, acting like nothing was seriously wrong. And there wasn’t, Harry thought, not until Louis found out about the scars that were placed on his arm.
Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split
Niall was the first one to know. Out of all the boys, he was the best at keeping secrets. They both cried, they cried for a long time before Harry got the chance to explain himself.
“It was too much to handle,” he started off, his voice weak from all the crying he had done only seconds before, “and I needed an escape. Alcohol would be too obvious, no way in hell I’d ever do drugs, so I grabbed a razor blade, and just like that. It was done.” Harry shrugged, like it was no big deal. Because in his eyes, it wasn’t. It was a way to escape the pain, and honestly, it felt good telling someone.
Louis just can’t find out.
“You’ve got to tell Lou sometime, mate.” Niall sighed.
“No I don’t!” Harry protested.
“He’s your boyfriend! He has a right to know that you’re not feeling your best, and honestly I’m quite shocked that I was the first one you told. You tell him everything, and the same applies to Louis. You’ve been so close from the start, and as much as none of us would want to lose you, imagine what would happen if we did? If you had cut too deep, or didn’t stop the bleeding, and we all know that he would be the first person to find you. Do you know how upset he would be?” The tears started falling down Harry’s face once more, because Niall’s words were the cold truth. “He would end up killing himself as well, because he wouldn’t be able to live without you. We all probably wouldn’t, but this is Louis we’re talking about here.”
Harry sighed, since Niall had a very valid point. “I’ll… I’ll tell him someday, alright?”
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Someday never came. They all knew it wouldn’t, since the only one who didn’t know about Harry’s problem was Louis.
But he found out.
He found out the hard way.
He had come back home from recording, to find Harry, almost on the verge of death, a razor in his hand, and three cuts on his wrist. Three deep cuts that were bleeding profusely, and didn’t show a sign of stopping. He grabbed a towel, placing them on the younger boy’s wrist, while calling 999, and looking for a pulse. He found one, but it was weak.
The rest of it, it was a blur. All he really remembers is sitting in Harry’s hospital room, surrounded by cards made by the fans, and lots of get well gifts. He could only hold onto the boy’s hand, and think to himself, I failed him. Louis had failed the person who had meant the world to him – how could he not notice?! Of course, he got very mad at the boys for not telling him, but they felt like Harry would tell Louis when the time came.
The time never came.
----
It was only a few weeks later when anything major happened. Harry had woken up from the medical-induced coma he was in, and Louis was right there with him
.
“L…Lou?” Harry muttered out, jerking the blue eyed boy out of his trance.
“Harry? You’re… You’re finally awake,” He breathed, and quickly called for a nurse, “it’s been weeks since I’ve heard your voice, and…” he was cut short as people surrounded Harry, deeming him healthy enough to stay awake for the rest of the time he was there.
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
Come on skinny love
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
At the end of the week, he was released and was taken home back to him and Louis’s flat. They sat down on the bed, a Harry Potter movie in, cuddled up under the covers.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis whispered.
Harry took a deep breath, knowing that his conversation would come around sooner or later. “I… I was scared,” he admitted, staring at the wall, “I was scared that you were going to judge me, or that you would feel like a bad boyfriend, which you aren’t at all.”
“I would never judge you, you should know that,” Louis looked over at Harry, running his fingers through the younger boy’s curls, “but I did feel like a bad boyfriend. I love you with everything I have, and to find you like that, it broke me. I wouldn’t be able to cope if you didn’t live. They were surprised you did, honestly. You took everyone for a whirl; they had to end up telling the fans that you had suffered a severe injury and stuff.”
“I’m sorry…” Harry muttered, looking down.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m kind of glad this happened when it did; or else who would’ve known what you would’ve done?”
“I wouldn’t have gone that far…”
“The cut went too deep. You never know what happens with stuff like this.” Louis grabbed Harry’s wrist, his fingers brushing over the scars that were there.
“Just promise to never do this ever again.”
“I promise.”