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Turntapp suffered because he loved Saparata
And he didn't know what to do, it was the first time he felt that unknown feeling that burned inside his chest, as if he had drunk directly from the lava of the volcano.
“You look like a young girl in love” Zynn teased one day after dinner. Saps had returned to his temporary room, and the members of The Covenant had dispersed to attend to their own affairs. It was just the two of them and the fallen barrier of professionalism.
They were just a couple of teasing words, meant simply to annoy him, but they ended up being more than that. That simple phrase was a revelation, the awakening of the awareness of his own feelings.
The leader of The Covenant thought of himself as a serious man who knew how to keep a stern face even in the most extreme situations, but apparently that was not the case. It seems that his infatuation was as noticeable as the sun on any given day in Yggdrasil.
He began to notice his own actions and thoughts when the fugitive he had taken in for a reasonable sum of diamonds was nearby. Typical things like waiting for Saparata's presence, seeking his gaze to brighten his day, seating him next to him at dinners, escorting him at all times, and executing those who tried to kill him, even if they were members of his own nation.
When did all this begin? Since when did his heart have life?
He didn't love him the moment their eyes met that day on the edge of the island, rather, he felt pity when he saw the fugitive hunched over in his own torn and dirty cloak inside a boat, cautious and disoriented.
Nor did he love him when two stacks of diamonds were handed to him, since the love he felt for Saparata could not be bought for anything in existence.
Perhaps he began to love him when he heard of his tragedies, on that night of shared insomnia under the dark blanket of a moonless sky.
His afflicted face and the gloomy tone of his voice planted an unknown feeling in Turntapp.
Perhaps he already loved him when his first reaction upon hearing Al Qarasina's plans was to take Saps' hand and flee from there to keep him safe.
Saparata was terrified, and how could he not be? He had been exposed to so many misfortunes and dangers that he no longer knew who to trust. His questions were hesitant but demanding and he broke free from Turntapp's grip for fear that he too would harm him.
And Turntapp couldn't have been more hurt by Saps' distrust. He wanted to shout so loud that the whole island would hear that he would never hurt him, but that would only make things worse, so he approached the cautious figure of Saps, holding him by the shoulders and bringing their faces closer so that Saps could see the sincerity in his face.
"I heard the pirates whispering, they had a trap set and were looking to claim the bounty on your head" Saparata seemed to come to his senses "I believe in your innocence, and I would never hurt you, so please let me-" That was the last thing he said, even though there were more words to say, promises of protection and eternal loyalty. The rest of the walk to The Covenant was silent, except for two pairs of footsteps.
He had already loved him when Saps' presence was welcomed in The Covenant, when most of its members engaged in casual conversation and jokes with the refugee.
He already loved him when he saw his friendly interactions with Zynn, the leader of The Peacekeepers. She had taken an interest in him and had started inviting him to morning training sessions. It was a surprise to discover Saps' raw talent, she was happy to help hone that skill, and from there a friendship formed. It was an effortless closeness that Turntapp himself longed to have with him.
Turntapp suffered because he couldn't love in tense moments like the one they were living through. He couldn't allow himself to love Saparata knowing that either of them could die at any moment. But even so, knowing how dangerous it was, he couldn't help himself.
Yes, Turntapp loved Saparata.
But he couldn't tell him, not for now.
He couldn't declare his feelings, but he could express them in other ways
A touch, helping him improve his grip on the sword, a comforting palm on his back during those sleepless nights plagued by nightmares of past events, playful fingers buried in his short white hair, firm hands helping him put on his armor, a thumb wiping away a food stain from his pale cheek.
Words, promises of a resolved future, words of encouragement every time he managed to land a good hit during training with The Peacekeepers, praises for the food he offered to cook as a thank you for his stay at The Covenant, little jokes to prevent that smile from falling again, whispered goodnights upon returning to their respective rooms after having spent sleepless hours talking under the night sky.
Gifts, a netherite sword as a gift when Saps became skilled enough in combat, clothing from The Covenant to replace his torn cloak, suitable for surviving the infernal heat of Yggdrasil, golden apples, because the last ones he had apparently were given to a horse.
All those actions, big or small, didn't matter, because that burning pain remained in his chest, not being able to tell him how much he meant to him, having to remain silent so as not to risk his life even more.
Two months later since Saparata's arrival at The Covenant, an unexpected letter arrived, an invitation signed by Emperor Schpood of Westhelm.
(The Pandorian found the use of letters strange, considering that technological devices had been provided to facilitate communication among the one thousand inhabitants. Turntapp explained that the poor connection on Island One rendered those devices useless, so Yggdrasil reached an agreement to use letters instead)
In that letter, written in his own ink and hand, Schpood requested Saparata's presence.
Saparata was surprised, but there was determination in his eyes. They both knew that this was a great opportunity to carry out their plan to have more allies and prove his innocence.
But a feeling of unease formed in Turntapp's stomach. Although the emperor's invitation could be good news, it could also be a trap. Perhaps Schpood had allied with Pandora to catch and execute Saparata, and that was something Turntapp wasn't going to allow.
So he and a couple of Peacekeepers accompanied Saps to protect him in case Turntapp's bad feeling became reality.
Westhelm was even warmer than The Covenant, more populated, more vibrant. Saps' curious gaze traveled to every corner of Westhelm, but without letting go of Turntapp's hand for a second.
Schpood welcomed them to the Citadel with open arms and a smile that revealed ulterior motives behind his kind invitation. It was a long meeting. Saps continued to proclaim his innocence, and although the emperor did not seem entirely convinced, he accepted the fugitive's words, and the three of them formed a plan to gather the remaining leaders to reach an agreement and take action.
After that meeting in the snow, Turntapp had to leave Saps in Westhelm. Things were very tense within his nation, and he knew that taking him back to The Covenant would be a risk, one he would never forgive himself for. Schpood told him not to worry about anything, that Westhelm was the safest place and that he would take good care of Saparata. It hurt Turntapp to agree with that.
Before the sun set, he looked for Saps to say goodbye. He was disappointed but understood the circumstances and as a parting gift, Saps gave him a smile, a genuine one, free from the sorrow he had carried since Turntapp met him.
And Turntapp, in return, gave him a kiss.
It was brief, chaste, with the tenderness of pure love and the bitterness of having to be silenced. Saps's expression belonged to a painting itself; his thin cheeks turned a pale pink, his black eyes expanded until they resembled a pair of pieces of the sky they used to gaze upon together, and from his half-open mouth the words he was about to say vanished.
The leader of The Covenant left, promising to visit often, yet that was the penultimate time those two figures met.
Infernus' trial took place a couple of months later at The Union of the Rising Sun, a small place between Westhelm and the Blue Cross.
All of Yggdrasil attended, and problems began even before the trial started. There were those who tried to take advantage of the chaos to claim the bounty on the head of the fugitive from Island Two, but unfortunately for them, those who touched a single hair on Saparata's head lost their lives to the Peacekeepers' swords without Turntapp even giving the order to do so.
It had been so long since they last saw each other—since that kiss—but it seemed their bond hadn't deteriorated, they not only shared a chat, discreet smiles, and gentle glances, but also the same chair, as there were too many people. No one cared or noticed too much, not even that their hands were joined.
Saparata told him about his stay in Westhelm, how the emperor's consul gave him a tour of the empire to cheer him up, about the delicious food in a restaurant run by a rat, the incredible music, the battles in the colosseum, and the comfort of the emperor's bed…?
It was even hotter inside the courthouse than outside, and the noise was unbearable, but Saps was by his side after so long without being able to visit him in Westhelm due to internal problems with The Covenant that kept him awake at night. But Saps was there, and so everything was fine.
One, two, three, four
Drops fell on his head, it was unpleasant
what was that?
A stalactite was placed over his and Saparata's heads, and the touch of a pickaxe was enough to make it fall.
Turntapp knew what he had to do.
Everything happened so fast
Saparata was knocked to the cobblestone floor of the courthouse with a loud thud, the commotion around him grew louder, and the people around him backed away with cries of surprise and panic.
His initial annoyance turned to horror when he turned around and, wanting to confront the culprit, his eyes fell upon a nightmarish scene.
Turntapp's eyes looked at him full of love, even in death.