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“Where’s Tali,” Tony asked when his sobs finally subsided and he pulled himself together enough to speak. His voice hoarse.
“Asleep on the couch. She didn’t want to share with us. Fruzsi and I will keep an eye on her in case she has a nightmare.” Ziva pulled away from him just enough to look at him.
“Nightmare?” His voice cracked. “God! It’s all my fault.” He dropped his head his hands.Another sob shook his body as tears started to fall again.
With her hand, Ziva drew soothing circles on his biceps, with the other she pulled him closer to her in a tight embrace.
“It’s not your fault,” she whispered into his hair. “It’s not your fault.” She repeated over and over again despite knowing that, in this state, Tony couldn’t hear a word she said, but hoping that the words would stick regardless.
Another sob shook his body and she just gathered him closer to her, holding him tight like her life depended on it. Her heart broke into pieces for him, for Tali, for everything they had lost. For their child’s innocence that was no no more. Brutally taken away from their young daughter. This had to end.
Eventually, Tony’s sobs subsided and his body stilled. As his breath started to even out, his body became heavy, leaning on her as his exhaustion began taking over.
“Let’s get you to bed,” Ziva whispered into his hair, her breath warm on the skin on his neck. She placed a gentle kiss before she pulled away.
Normally, this kind of comment would elicit a response. No way would Tony let that one go without raising so much as an eyebrow, delighted to play along. But not tonight. Not when grief and guilt were so fresh. His armor made of jokes cracked and was no longer an option.
Tony lifted his head and, without a word, grabbed the hand Ziva had extended, allowing her to pull him up.
He felt like a zombie. Like he was in some kind of a trance. He had to force his body to listen to his brain, but his brain had to be prodded by Ziva. He sighed and looked at her, allowing her to take charge, unable to do anything himself.
Ziva took him in, her smile warm but worried.
“Come on, let’s get that shirt off of you,” she said and without waiting for his response, her deft fingers worked their way, opening his buttons, trying not to look at his exposed chest. Now was not the time. She pulled his shirt open and down his arms.
Tony didn’t protest. His mind numb.
“Can you take off your pants?” Ziva asked.
He stared at her with his eyes wide, before her words registered. With a nod, he undid his belt and zipper and let his pants fall. The fabric pooled around his ankles. With his feet already bare, he stood there in nothing but his boxers.
Ziva tugged on his hand. “Come on.”
Tony stepped out of his pants and allowed her to lead him to his side of the bed.
With her free hand, Ziva pulled the duvet to the side. “Get in,” she said, her voice gentle. She wanted nothing more than take away his pain. If only that was possible, she’d bear it for him.
His movements automatic, and without a word, Tony lay down on his side, curling his body into itself, facing away from her. He didn’t make a move to cover himself, so Ziva pulled the duvet over his body and tucked him in before turning off the lamp on his side of the bed.
Not feeling at all tired, she was about to leave when she heard him.
“Will you stay with me?” Tony asked, his voice small. Broken. He sounded like a little boy not the giant of a man that he was.
Ziva’s chest tightened.
“Of course,” she said. There was no way she could deny him that. Not that she wanted to.
She switched the rest of the lights off, took off her shoes and made her way to her side of the bed where an oversized t-shirt lay folded on the bedside table. Not caring about modesty, she undressed and pulled the shirt over her head. The fabric reacher her thighs, covering her underwear. And just like that, Ziva climbed into bed and lay on her side facing him. Between them, she left enough space between for two pillow barricades. In the dark, she reached out with her hand and found his. She grabbed it and squeezed. Tony did the same, intertwining their fingers together, grateful for the grounding touch.
“He was like family.” His voice cracked.
“I know,” she whispered.
“I need Jonah to pay for this.” his voice filled with anger.
“He will. We will make sure of that.”
Silence fell between them but despite the dark, she could see that his eyes were still open.
He squeezed her hand tighter. “Ziva…” his voice drifted off before he could finish his sentence but Ziva understood his silent plea. Without hesitation, she scooted closer to him, breaching the gap between them.
Tony’s hand circled her waist as he pulled her closer to him. Ziva lay her head next to his chest, listening to the solid heartbeat of his broken heart. His chin rested on top of her head, his palm spread on the small of her back, holding her close. Her breath hitched as he pulled her closer, her skin covered in goosebump. Ziva’s free hand landed on his chest in a comforting touch. Their legs tangled automatically. A force of habit nothing could break.
He sighed and closed his eyes, ihaling her scent that brought him just a little bit of comfort he so desperately needed.
With their hands clasped together and their bodies tightly wrapped around each other, they drifted off to sleep, finally allowing themselves to be vulnerable and to seek comfort instead of bottling up their feelings. It was a step in the right direction. One of many for Ziva and a huge, first one for Tony.