Work Text:
Xavier and Aishara strode out of the Rogue Trader’s office, the door closing behind them like a death knell. The moment they were gone, Heinrix no longer tried to hide his expression as he looked at Pandora with unmitigated dismay. She didn’t meet his gaze, instead simply staring straight ahead at the place Xavier had been sitting.
“Pandora? I—” He cut off as she raised a hand to forestall him.
“Give me a moment,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. Then, she turned and began to walk away.
Heinrix took a step after her before he could stop himself. But if Pandora noticed, she gave no sign. Instead, she made her way to where the Master of Ceremonies was sprawled on the ground. Crouching, she helped the man to a sitting position, holding one of his hands in hers.
“Are you alright?” she asked him softly.
Her servant coughed before nodding vehemently. “Of course, Your Ladyship, but what—” He cut off as his eyes met Heinrix’s, and the man’s voice instantly rose in a panic as he began trying to struggle to his feet. “Your Ladyship—!”
With no effort at all, Pandora kept the man from rising. Her words remained soft as she said, “Please don’t panic. You aren’t in danger. You’re fine. I’m glad your fall wasn’t serious.”
The man eased off struggling as he stared at Pandora with obvious confusion. “My… fall…?”
“Yes? Don’t you remember?” Pandora asked.
The temperature in the room spiked, some of the lumens beginning to flicker. In the sudden dimness, Heinrix could see a few stray sparks of Motive Force arcing through Pandora’s hair. Her servant saw none of this, however, as he was fully occupied with clutching his head. He let out a groan of pain, and Heinrix felt the air begin to cool, the lumens returning to working order. By the time the Master of Ceremonies was able to lift his head again, there was no evidence left of any warp sorcery.
“I… Forgive me, Your Ladyship. My memory is all muddled. I don’t remember falling… or anything else that happened today.”
“That can happen with head injuries, but don’t worry. I think you should go to the medicae and have them look after you for as long as you need to fully recover. Even if you can’t remember it, the Magnae Accessio went flawlessly today, so there’s no need to strain yourself by returning to work too soon, alright? That’s an order.” Pandora’s voice sounded calm enough, but Heinrix could not help but notice how it rose in volume, adding more weight to every word she said.
“I… yes, Your Ladyship. Of course. Thank you! You are too kind to bend a knee to help someone as insignificant as me!” the man told her emphatically, and Pandora rocked back on her heels.
“Please don’t speak so poorly of my Master of Ceremonies. He’s a very important person,” she told the man, the words tinged with humor. “Do you need help walking?”
He looked at her dumbly for a little while before a laugh suddenly barked out from his throat, and he shook his head as Pandora helped him to his feet. “I have already stolen too much of your time with my clumsiness, Your Ladyship. I will do as you say post haste!”
Then, he left, though it took him a painfully long time to make it to the doors of Pandora’s office. Heinrix watched him inch away with frustration, the desire to speak burning hotter with every passing second. However, when the doors finally slammed shut again, he hesitated.
Pandora was still staring at the closed doors, her posture uncannily still. She made no effort to either turn to him or say anything, and her silence seemed to radiate until it had enveloped him as well. However, as the silence stretched, it did so like a noose around his neck.
Before it might pull taut, Heinrix choked out, “Pandora?”
She stiffened very slightly and turned to him. There was no warmth in her expression, but neither was there coldness. It was simply… blank, unnaturally so, just as it had been before Xavier. A construct of her sorcery rather than a display of emotion.
Heinrix swallowed, but she was at least looking at him, now, so he forced himself to speak, forgoing any pretense of calm as he said, “I assume you now understand what I was warning you about. I pray to the Throne that you also understand why I was unable to tell you everything.”
He stared at her intently, searching for any flicker of emotion. Any insight at all into what she was thinking. But there was once more only stillness and silence—never had he realized until now how painful such things could be.
Eventually however, Pandora’s gaze dropped to the floor, and she let out a very quiet sigh. “You did what you could to look out for me. That is what should matter.”
The words sounded something like forgiveness, but he didn’t delude himself that they were. And his worries proved founded as Pandora began to rub her temples, curling in on herself as if trying to withstand a blow.
“But I can’t help but think…” Pandora trailed off, then her head lifted, and she asked him in a defeated voice, “Has your… Has it all just been so you can gather information?”
Heinrix’s eyes went wide, his heart stuttering. “No, of course not. I would never—”
“Never? Not even if you were ordered to?” she interrupted.
This brought him up short, his mind roiling and his chest burning. He was filled with a morass of conflicting thoughts and feelings to which there was no easy answer. And so he avoided trying to find it. “I have been given no such order.”
Pandora’s lips twitched up in a smile that somehow seemed fond, and she said quietly, “Wouldn’t you have to say that even if you had?”
Heinrix swallowed, but before he could muster an answer, Pandora held up a hand, forestalling him once more. Despite this, she seemed to hesitate, her gaze flicking away as if in thought as she took a breath. But she looked back at him soon enough, her stare all too direct.
“Listen, I will make you a promise. If your… care… towards me has been some sort of ruse, you won’t face any consequences if you just tell me now. I understand that your mission is very important, and you couldn’t have known when we first met whether or not I’d cooperate with you. It’s alright. I’ll still work with you, and we can just… put this behind us. I just need you to be honest. Hopefully by now, you should know that you can be, at least with me.”
There was no acidity, no threat, no ‘or else’ lurking in the words. It was simply a proposal Heinrix knew was entirely genuine. Rather than trying to tear the information unwillingly from him, she had instead offered him a way to reveal it without jeopardizing himself or his mission. How odd, then, that it was so torturous to hear. Somehow made moreso by her lack of anger, her willingness to compromise. He could not help but think that rage would have been far easier to endure.
But endure it he had to, because Pandora said nothing more. She just waited with seeming patience as Heinrix pieced together an answer. Even once he had, it was a struggle to speak, but he forced himself to, “It was never a ruse. I… Obviously, it was necessary to my mission to attempt to foster some sort of… positive relationship. Having you distrust or dislike me would have been counterproductive. But that isn’t why I’ve…” He let out a frustrated sigh. Even now, there was only so much he could allow himself to put into words. “I want to… be near you. That is my desire, no one else’s. I swear it.”
Pandora had slowly softened as he spoke, and she took a step closer to him. It didn’t seem measured in the slightest as she drew to an abrupt stop, appearing to catch herself. Still, Heinrix couldn’t keep himself from taking a step closer as well. She didn’t retreat when he did so, but neither did she come closer, and so he stood still, unwilling to push his luck.
She was staring at him, her expression still soft, but then a shadow crossed over her face. “But it was… helpful, wasn’t it? To your mission?” Her voice was excruciatingly small. It was… pitiful, really. He could see it in her face, the hunch of her shoulders, and the clenching of her hands. How pathetic she was feeling.
Heinrix stared at her, and for the first time in this entire conversation, his emotions untangled themselves as anger overtook him. Anger at himself, at Xavier, at this entire voidtaken situation. What does she want me to say? he thought bitterly, knowing the answer, and so he gave it. The truth.
“Of course it was helpful,” he said, looking away. “How could it not be? But that had nothing to do with it. If anything, it made it more difficult. I didn’t want…”
He trailed off, gritting his teeth. Want, yes, that was the source of all this. If he had simply never heeded his desires in the first place, then perhaps— Heinrix’s thoughts were cut off as he felt Pandora’s hand against his cheek. He turned into the touch at once, all but kissing her palm. Their eyes met again, and he was caught by her gaze, frozen in place as she stroked his face.
“...To betray my trust?” she asked—a genuine question that was made worse in being so.
Worse because he didn’t want it to be a question—worse because it only made sense that it was. She had always known where his loyalties lay, and so a large part of him was steadfastly certain it could not be a betrayal. Another part, weak and irresolute, remembered too well the way it had felt every time he had left the easy warmth of her company. How he would return to his chambers and only then, in cold isolation, comb through her words and search for anything that could serve Xavier.
Once more he was trapped by indecision, and once more he avoided resolving it. “I certainly didn’t want you to feel like this.”
Pandora didn’t reply at once, but she also didn’t pull away. She just watched him, and he did not know what she was looking for, but perhaps she saw it, for the corner of her mouth slowly lifted up in a smile. “I believe you, Heinrix,” she told him. “I hope you can understand why I had to ask.”
Heinrix didn’t try to disguise his sigh of relief, nor hide the way the tension immediately ebbed from him. “I do, of course. It was… only reasonable, given the circumstances.”
“Yes… the only problem is that I also want to believe you. Very much.” Pandora’s smile turned pained as her hand slid down to settle on his chest, right over his heart. “I think I need some… time. Time and, uhm, space. To deal with these feelings.”
Her request, small and damnably understandable, made him feel as if he’d been swallowed by the cold of the void. Heinrix kept himself from trembling, from flinching, but he did not quiet himself completely. She had the same curse as him—could his body not tell her what his words could not? If she felt the racing of his heart, sensed the roaring of his blood, heard the unsteady cadence of his breathing, perhaps she would be able to be more certain.
He did not see his manipulations for what they were until after she’d already taken his hand in hers, her expression softening once more. “Just a little while, not forever. I promise, Heinrix. I’d, I’d tell you if I thought that was the case.”
He just shook his head, immediately disgusted with himself. “You don’t need to make such a promise. Take all the time you need, Pandora. I’ll abide by whatever you decide. You needn’t worry about it causing difficulties.” It was, in every sense, the least he could do.
“I’ve already decided I believe you,” she said, quietly insistent. “It’s just that today has been… a lot.” She turned her head, looking at the spot Xavier stood once again.
Heinrix couldn’t see her expression, but he sensed the coiling tension in her body, felt the way her hands tightened around his. Fury. She had hidden it from Xavier, but she either could not or would not hide it from him. Still, it left her when she looked back at him.
Heinrix squeezed her hands. “I understand. You’ve had a difficult day today. I will leave you to your sleep—your protectorate and your vassals will be waiting for you tomorrow. Goodnight, Pandora.”
“Goodnight, Heinrix,” she replied, letting go of him with seeming reluctance.
He gave her a nod before turning and walking toward the exit. Partway, he looked back. Pandora was not watching him. She’d turned away once more, staring vacantly at her desk, her hands clenched into fists. Heinrix swallowed and continued walking. He had reached the doors when he was brought up short by Pandora’s voice.
“Wait, I…” There was a short pause. “When you report to your master, please make sure to mention that my servant lost his memory. I don’t want anything to happen to him.” The words were said without venom, but that somehow made them burn more.
“Of course, Pandora. I will see it done.”
“Thank you.”
He left then, her gentle thanks ringing in his ears like tinnitus.