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Brian was planning on going to the lake that day. The life guards were teaching a class about how to have a splash fight. But as he walked through the forest, he noticed how nice it was. Up in the sky, the clouds swam leisurely in whimsical wisps. The sun shone bright, but it had rained the night before, and the shadow of the forest cast the perfect temperature. Just then, a light breeze snuck up on him. Dastardly sabotage. What else was he supposed to do?
Maybe it was genuinely a perfect day, or maybe Brian was tired. He didn't care. It was time for one of his favorite activities: nothing. He found a nice patch of grass beneath a pine tree and lay down.
The second his head hit the dirt, he felt right at home. As much as he loved the chaos of camp, the constant activities gave him almost no time to simply exist. Nothing felt better than chilling to this tired zombie.
After a time, he heard someone approach. Correction, he heard someone storming up in an audible fury. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know it was Damien. So he didn’t.
"Sup, Noob?" Damien said.
"Hey," Brian grunted with minimal effort.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
Brian stretched his arms. "I'm relaxing."
Damien laughed. "Lame."
Brian said, "I figured you'd think so."
Somehow Brian could even hear him scowl. Damien asked, "The hell is that supposed to mean, fuckbench?"
"Dude, you suck at relaxing. I don't think I've ever seen you do it."
Damien got defensive in the way that only he could make cute. "That's not true! I'm great at relaxing! I'm a master at relaxing!”
Brian chuckled. "You could have frostbite. In a refrigerator. In Antarctica. And you'd still come away with no chill."
When Brian finally opened his eyes, it was only because Damien was inches from his face, huffing angry breaths right onto Brian’s exposed cheek muscles. "Is that a fucking challenge? I'll show you. I'm gonna relax so hard your head will explode!"
Damien plopped down on his back at Brian's left. Brian didn't mind the company. Damien was funny when he got so competitive.
After about thirty seconds Damien growled in frustration. This was distinct from his growls of annoyance, anger, and embarrassment. Annoyance was more of a yell, anger was more threatening, and embarrassment was a lot whinier. Brian preferred the embarrassment growl. He glanced over to see Damien angrily kicking around and picking at the grass, like a feral baby. His tail flicked and jerked, stirring up fallen leaves and pine cones.
"How long have we been sitting here?" Damien shouted.
Brian checked his watch. "About forty seconds."
"Gaaaaah! How do you do this?"
"First of all, you need to stop screaming," Brian answered.
To his surprise, Damien listened.
"I'm not doing that because you said to," he said. "I just needed to get that out so I can be even better at relaxing."
Brian yawned. "Then I guess you don't need my help, O Master Relaxer."
Another thirty seconds passed before Damien lost patience.
"Shut up!" He shouted. “Shut up shut up shut UP!”
"What's your issue?" Brian asked.
"I can’t- I just- my fucking BRAIN!"
Brian blinked. "What?"
"My brain! It won't shut off! I'm trying to calm down but my thoughts keep… thinking! Like, no brai.n I don't want to think about that one fucking pop song or how I made an ass of myself in front of Hope right now I'M TRYING TO BE CHILL!”
He started smacking his head in an attempt to stop his thoughts. When he picked up a rock, Brian sighed and grabbed his wrist.
"Dude," he said, "you can't force it. And hitting knocking yourself unconscious is cheating.”
"Fine!" Damien wrestled his hand out of Brian’s grip. "Is there anything I can do?"
Brian thought for a moment. Relaxing came so naturally to him. How was he supposed to explain that to someone else? How do you explain breathing? Perhaps getting this angry demon out of his head and quieted down wouldn't hurt.
"First, you have to breathe. But slowly. You're gonna inhale through your nose, and I'm gonna count to five. Ok?"
Damien nodded and did as he was told for once.
"Ok, now hold it for a little. And then we're gonna count again and you're gonna exhale through your mouth. That make sense?"
It did, and they did.
"Now just keep doing that. It's like a rhythm. You're a musician, right? That makes sense right?"
Damien tried doing the breathing by himself and said, "Yeah, that works."
"There's other stuff too," Brian said. He felt like Uncle Iroh. But stupider. "Unclench your jaw."
"I'm not clenching my jaw," Damien said through gritted teeth.
Brian looked at him. "Dude."
Damien unclenched his jaw, his fist, and his spine. He must have been really serious about relaxing. Brian had to relax as well, lest he got too comfortable with Damien being under his control.
"What else is there?" Damien asked.
Brian thought a little. "Look around. What do you see?"
"... Trees."
"They're pretty, aren't they?" Brian didn’t know what he’d say about the trees, but Damien didn’t need to know that.
"Yeah."
"Can you see the sky?"
Damien moved his head a little. "Yeah. Is the sky supposed to be that blue?"
"I know. It feels illegal." Brian smiled. "What about what you feel? Like with your hands and shit?"
Damien paused. "Breeze? Grass? Dirt?"
"Yeah," Brian said. "The breeze. I was gonna go to the lake, but I didn’t need to. And the dirt is nice and moist. All lubed up by the worms."
“What?”
“Like the opposite of being on fire.”
"Yeah," Damien said. "It IS! Cuz being on fire is exciting. And hot. But it feels like all the dew is seeping into my bones and making us cooler! We don't need water to cool down. We're so fucking chill the grass is doing it for us! Rad as hell."
"What do you hear?"
Damien squinted. Brian had to stop himself from giggling. He didn't know how squinting your eyes would help with hearing, but he didn't want to discourage the gears in Damien’s head from turning like they so rarely did.
Damien finally answered, "Are those fuckin birds?"
"Yup."
"Why are they singing and shit? What is there to sing about?"
Brian shrugged. "It's nice out? They’re happy to exist on such a beautiful day?"
Damien laughed. "Bro, you sound like Blobert."
"Blobert is a genius," Brian said, "so if you're good, I'm gonna shut the fuck up and continue enjoying this beautiful day."
Damien said, "I'm also gonna shut the fuck up and continue sitting here with you. Cuz I'm a goddamn relaxing master."
And so they sat there and did nothing together. The clouds moved slowly, like hypnotic snails. He wanted to rest his head on one of those puffy white pillows. Just thinking about it took him back to the wonders of his room with its soft blanket and controlled temperature and slightly less bugs. Soon, camp would end and he would return there. He’d never leave it again.
The birds, it turned out, were singing a folk song. One of them had a little bird guitar. It sounded just like a regular guitar, but tinier.
An ant crawled across Brian's hand. It tickled. He let it go. It was just trying to get where it was going. Aren’t we all?
This was one of his favorite things. No big adventure or crazy plot. Just existing. Being alive and aware and happy. Damien was good at keeping quiet. Brian turned his head to sneak a glance at him and…
Holy shit. His eyes were closed. His skin glowed where the sun hit. Brian could tell he was wearing a little eye shadow and it sparkled. A couple leaves had fallen into his hair. The craziest part of all was his face. He was smiling? About something other than extreme violence? A small, closed-mouth smile at that. Not even a smirk. He could have been laying there for centuries, waiting for prince charming.
He looked beautiful. He looked comfortable. For the first time in a while he looked peaceful.
Brian looked away in awe. He definitely wasn't going to try and draw that later. Of course not. That would be stupid.
Brian wasn't sure how long they lay there together, but at some point the sun started to set. They had to go back to the campfire or Miss Weaving would mount their asses over her desk.
Brian got up slowly and stretched. Then he gently tapped Damien on the shoulder. His eyes opened slowly, like Sleeping Beauty breaking a curse. When he saw the darkening sky he jumped.
"We wasted the entire day just sitting here?" He asked, incredulous. “How the hell did that happen?”
"Pretty easily, it turns out," Brian said. "Did you enjoy it?"
Damien nodded, a contemplative look on his face.
"Then I don't think we wasted it at all. I personally love having a day where nothing happens. Although..." Brian knew he was poking a bear with this one, but he felt up to it after the recharge. If he had to run away, he'd be able to. And then he could find somewhere else to lie down. "I notice my head has not exploded."
Damien considered that. He said, "Fine. You know what, Brian?” When Brian looked at Damien, he looked away. Pink crept up his cheeks as he said, “You're the real relaxing master."
Brian laughed. "Thanks, dude. That means a lot."
Damien kept going. "I felt… good today. And I'd like to do nothing with you again some time."
Brian was shocked. "Really?"
"Yeah!" Damien exclaimed animatedly. "I felt aware of my senses and shit! Like I was entirely HERE and it felt fucking awesome! I don't think I've ever been that calm. It was rad.”
Brian smiled. "Glad I could help you. Let's head back to the campfire before they run out of marshmallows."
"Holy fuck, that's right! I'm starving!" Damien got up lightning fast. "Race you there, Zombie Bro!"
"Good luck, Demon Boy! You're gonna need it!"
They took off for the tents, laughing and shouting the whole way.