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I remember the funeral. After the priest stopped talking and everyone said their final peace, I was standing next to the food with uncle Asa. I didnt feel like eating. Neither did he,I could tell. We were both just staring down at our plates for what felt like longer than it was.
Uncle Asa had travelled from very far to be here. He was tired from more than just his sister's passing. I wanted to talk to him. But I was afraid I’d make his time here even worse than it already was. But then he spoke up first.
“Are you… Alright?” He looked down at me with heavy eyes that looked like mine. He didnt try to smile.
“Im not.” I said plainly. It surprised me how blunt I was just then, even i the words that came out of my mouth were weak and strained. I felt bad about them until Asa barked a short and genuine laugh.
“Yeah me neither kid.” He pat my shoulder sipped some lemonade. I guess that made me wanna have some lemonade too.
Then he held my hand,and started to tell me a story. About mom.
“I remember when we were young. We grew up in a shitty old neighborhood. Poor and struggling. Our mom was drunk all the time and wanted to be anywhere on earth that wasn't around us or the dusty old city we were trapped in.
You’de be hard pressed to find someone with hope around there. But my sister, your mom, was a ray of sunshine. She always tried to make things better. Even when the people she was trying to help spat in her face, she still helped them. She never expected anything from it. She did it for love. She loved people. She loved far beyond what she could see. And she tried so hard at everything she did. Even when I was being an ass she never gave up on helping me find a better future.” He squeezed my hand a little but did not look down at me, instead he stared straight ahead and where mom was being buried. I looked to, and felt my chest tighten.
“She was so happy when you were born. She was happy and she wanted everyone to know how much she loved her baby. When i told her I couldn't drive there because of my broken leg she drove the whole family up to Glen Check so we could all spend time together with you. She was so exited to love you for as long as-” he choked abit. Then took a long shaky breath. I looked up at him and squeezed his hand gently. Then he looked down at me.
His eyes were wet and overflowing with tears. He could not hold back his frown. He did not bother to wipe away his tears. Neither did I to my own tears.
He Knelt down and faced me at my level and put his hand on my shoulder again.
“Can you make me a promise,sweetie?”
I nodded. Hands on my chest. And clenched teeth.
“Promise me you will never forget her. Love her for as long as you walk this earth. Because she loved you beyond the earth and stars.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled. I felt like I was going to topple over like a house of cards.
“Okay… I promise.”
“Good girl.” Asa wrapped his arms around me, and squeezed. I could feel him cry into my shoulder a little. So I cried into his. My chest hurt.
When I opened one of my eyes, through my tears i could see papa. Standing alone, Fist clenched,not facing the place where mom was being buried. He had his back to it. He passed a quick glance at my uncle and I.
And turned his back to us both.