Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Ricky, son, you need to get up. It's late." 

A female voice was heard stepping into the dark room. 

She opened the curtains and the windows slightly. The boy stirred in his bed, covering himself with the blankets over his head. 

"Ricky, please." But the boy ignored her. 

His mother sighed, walked up to him and placed a soft kiss on his head over the blankets. 

It was the mid 90s, fall. The streets of England were covered in vast fog. Ricky's mother was in the kitchen preparing breakfast for her son. Ricky was a special boy. He had been diagnosed as a child with a generalized, unspecified developmental disorder—the kind of disease that affects being able to socialize properly with people, either hindering verbal development with others or lacking the ability to easily interact with people. 

Aside from that, the rest was fine—he didn't have any kind of cognitive problem and he was neither a genius nor dumb. His brain was the same as any normal kid. 

However, the only person whom he exchanged the most words with was the one closest to him—his mother. Any kind of human contact that wasn't hers made him anxious. 

He had suffered a panic attack in the middle of a class because of his condition. The teachers and his classmates were very scared and had no idea how to control it. It wasn’t until his mother arrived when they finally managed to calm him down. 

From that day on, his parents decided that he would study at home with a trustworthy person, without exposing himself to so many people around him that could suffocate him. 

No specialist had been able to tell them precisely if Ricky would stop being like that at some point in his life, but she had never lost hope. 

She heard the boy's footsteps coming down the stairs and turned around, hiding something behind her back. 

The sixteen-year-old teenager entered the kitchen slowly wearing his striped pajamas, with his ruffled blond hair and rubbing one of his eyes with his fist. 

"Hi, honey. How did you sleep?" She asked in a sweet tone as she served things at the table. The boy just shrugged, not wanting to be rude, and sat down. "Eat before it gets cold." 

It was Thursday. Ricky had private lessons in the living room from Monday to Thursday with a very nice woman named Yuqi. She had been Ricky's teacher for years; she was used to his behavior and he knew he could trust her. 

On Fridays he had an appointment with his therapist. He didn't spend as much time with that man as he did with Yuqi, so they hadn’t formed a therapeutic alliance between them, which is the reason why they didn’t talk that much overall. 

Saturdays were his days off. His mother demanded absolutely nothing from him on Saturdays. He could sleep as long as he wanted and invest his time as he pleased. 

Sundays were Ricky's least favorite days. His family used to meet at his grandparents' house to have lunch together. His uncles and cousins ​​went, and he had to endure that human contact for a couple of endless hours. 

On Thursdays he had math classes. He hated math. He wasn't bad at it, though, but it’s not like he desired to spend his time on doing math. Ricky's mother knew this fact, so she was always looking for a way to make up for it, be it with his favorite food or a present. 

"Ricky," She called softly, making him stop eating and notice her, "I have something for you." 

But the boy, like most of the time, had an expressionless look on his face. 

The woman pulled her arms from behind her back and showed him that she was holding a music CD that Ricky wanted. He grabbed it, watching it closely, admiring every detail, as with every gift his mother gave him. 

"It's the one you wanted, right?" He nodded, still looking at it. "Isn't there anything you want to tell me?" 

Ricky stopped looking at the CD to look her in the eye and after a few seconds he finally said a simple 'thank you' with a very tiny smile. Her mother smiled widely. Ricky spoke little, so every time he did, she felt immensely happy. 

"All right, I'm going shopping. Pay attention in today's class and maybe I will cook something delicious just for you."

The boy just nodded, keeping that little smile while watching his mother leave the kitchen. 

By Friday afternoon, it was time to lie for an hour on that divan. It wasn't something that particularly bothered him. It was comfortable and Hanbin, his therapist, was always doing his best to get information out of Ricky without suffocating him with questions and making him feel pressured. 

When he asked questions, Ricky did his best to answer most with body gestures like shrugging or nodding, and Hanbin wrote everything down in a notebook that he always carried during sessions. Sometimes, however, he followed up with another question.

"Tell me, Ricky, how are your classes going? Anything relevant you want to mention?" 

"I hate fractions," he said after thinking for several seconds about his answer."

"But do you understand them?" He nodded. "Well, it can't be that bad then. Nobody has ever died because of some little fractions to this day. Tell me, when was the last time you left your house? Not counting family gatherings." 

Ricky meditated for minutes this time. He never went outside. He had no places he was interested in and therefore, he had no reason to leave his home. He just denied with his head. 

"No? You don't remember? Is it because it was a long time ago?" Ricky nodded. "Alright, then. There is nothing wrong with that. You always feel safe from the outside world at home. However, you should start considering the possibility of going out." At that, the boy put on a smile that was painfully fake, making it clear that the idea did not excite him in the least. "Well, this is all for today. I'll just talk to your mother for a bit and you’re free to go.”

The therapist took it upon himself to tell Ricky's mother to encourage him to leave the house, to let him find reasons to want to. Hanbin explained that one day they would not be there for him and he would need to fend for himself. He also didn’t need to go all-in at first, just taking baby steps regularly. She understood and said she would do everything she could. 

The next day was Saturday. It was the perfect opportunity to try to convince Ricky to go out. 

"Ricky," she called somewhat dubious but trying to sound casual. He made a sound without stopping his chewing, just to let her know he had heard her. “I'm going to the mall in a bit, would you like to come with me?" 

Ricky looked at her with a frown. She was definitely underestimating him; he knew perfectly well that his mother's request was surely due to something his therapist had told her while they were talking privately. 

His first thought was to refuse, but seeing the sparkle in his mom's eyes, hoping he would accept, made him realize he couldn't do it. 

She wished that Ricky could lead an ordinary life, not because she considered him a burden, but because she wanted the best for him. He knew he would never be forced into anything, and sometimes he even took advantage of it. 

But this time he felt guilty because he'd ruin her illusion by rejecting the invitation. He hesitated and hesitated, until finally he gave a long sigh. 

"Okay, " he said flatly. 

Her mother smiled happily in disbelief. She had to restrain herself not to start jumping because of the excitement. 

"I'll buy you whatever you want! Thank you! Thank you!" she said, exalted, as Ricky looked away. "I'll go get my things." 

When he found himself alone, he began to bite his nails. 

Anxiety invaded his body as he felt his stomach twist. He had agreed to leave his house. And they weren't heading to a precisely quiet place. It was a place full of people. 

Ricky changed his clothes and got into the car. It had been a long time since he had been so uneasy. Thousands of horrible possibilities swirled around his head. Although he tried to keep them away, they refused to leave his mind, and Ricky tried to act as natural as possible so as not to alarm his mom. 

Ricky's mother parked the vehicle in the parking lot, and they got out of it. The mall was only seven blocks from where they lived. But they went by car to carry all the groceries and purchases in it. 

Ricky was looking at the huge building with dread. 

"Do you want me to take your hand?" His mom asked, but he refused. 

Ricky often used to think that his mother saw him as a child rather than the teenager he was. They started walking towards the entrance. Once inside Ricky was stunned. He saw everything full of curiosity. 

The lights, the shops, the music coming from somewhere, the hustle and bustle. In truth, it had been a long time since he left his house. He was somewhat paranoid watching each person who passed him. 

Ricky's mother had not moved an inch; she was waiting for him to get used to the visual overstimulation. After a few minutes, Ricky started walking slowly, step after step. His mother smiled and guided him to the section of the huge supermarket as he followed at the pace of a soldier—back always straight and firm as he stepped behind her—as they walked. Some people greeted Ricky's mother, and he could only assume they were acquaintances from their neighborhood. 

"Is this the son you’re always talking about?" A rather old lady asked as she was looking at the boy. 

"The one and only," she said proudly. 

"He's even more handsome in person." The old woman reached out for him, perhaps to pet his hair, but Ricky opened his eyes in surprise and took two steps back as a way to be out of reach. 

"Um, he's a bit shy," Ricky's mother said quickly, coming between her son and the lady, "If you'll excuse us, we should go now. See you next week, Vicky.”

"Of course, dear. Nice to meet you, Ricky." 

It was said gently, but he just stared at her in fear and walked away as quickly as possible. Ricky's mother followed his steps until she reached him. 

"Ricky, wait!" She said, agitated. When he heard her, he stopped. "Nothing's wrong, Mrs. Weels is harmless." 

The boy was still nervous, but he tried to calm down as quickly as possible. 

He knew he might be exaggerating things a little, but the tension kept him from thinking clearly. They went to pay and once they left that section, they went to see different shops. Ricky was watching everything with great attention. Ricky's mother wanted Ricky to ask her for something, anything, as all children and teenagers did with their parents, and she would do her best to buy it for him. They kept going until they found a store with a well-known name selling CDs, cassettes and all kinds of music-related items. 

The boy showed more curiosity about this place than any other. 

"This is where I buy your CDs," she commented. But she didn't even get a glance in return because of the young man's concentration on the things exposed behind the glass. 

She decided to try another tactic. She was making a lot of progress in one day and she wanted to make the most of it because she didn't know if an opportunity like this would ever happen again. 

"Honey, I'm going to the shoe store in front, I want to look at some boots. You can stay here for as long as you want." This managed to catch his attention as he spinned to look at her. "In case you want to buy something, take this." She handed him some money. Ricky looked at the money and then at his mother. “If you ever need me, I'll be close." 

She finally walked away, going into the other store, looking askance at him every so often. 

His mother had just left him alone in a place full of unknown people. This was definitely not the best day of his life. 

He put the money in his pocket and continued to watch the discs, that is, until something managed to distract him. He looked up to look inside the store to see what the noise was about and found people talking to each other, looking at guitars they surely were interested in buying or serving customers. 

There were three of them dressed in a navy-blue shirt with a nametag on it—two teenage girls and a boy, also a teenager. One of them was blonde and tall. The other was black-haired and of medium height. 

And the boy. 

The boy was somewhat small in build but as tall as a door and had brown hair that looked soft and shiny. He also smiled a lot and was very kind to customers. 

The most impressive thing was his eyes, though. Ricky hadn’t seen any eyes like his, ones so deer-like, ever. Without realizing it, all his attention was locked on that boy. 

God knows how long he stayed staring directly, following every move he made. How he so easily interacted with customers so kindly, and how he received money and gave back the change, saying goodbye with a smile. 

Ricky was amazed. Suddenly the boy turned to where he was, and Ricky automatically looked away, simulating he was eyeing some items in the store. His heart was pounding. For some strange reason he wanted to know his name. 

He didn't want to leave the place without knowing the name of the doe-eyed boy. But from where he was, he couldn't see his nametag stuck to his work uniform. The only option was to go in and buy something and not only that, but also making sure that the doe-eyed boy was the one to help him.

But could he do it? What if he couldn't find the right words? What if he thought he was a complete idiot? But on the other hand, he would never go back to this place, so it was now or never.

He clenched his fists tightly, gathering his courage, and began to step into the store. He kept his gaze lowered. 

The other people were absorbed in their own affairs, unaware of the boy on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Ricky lifted his eyes to search for the boy with deer eyes. When he spotted him, he stood there, mesmerized. Apparently, the other boy noticed and turned his gaze toward him. The teenager in a uniform started walking toward Ricky with a smile on his face. 

Ricky's breathing quickened as he saw him approaching; he turned to the side toward the shelf full of CDs next to him, pretending to examine them. When he felt him just a few steps away, he grabbed a random case in his hands.

"Hello, welcome to MusicWorld. Can I help you with anything?" 

The boy said with a beautiful smile, watching Ricky, who was still turned in profile, his gaze lost on the items on the shelf. His voice was high-pitched but gentle. It was even more beautiful than Ricky had imagined. He gripped the case tightly and turned to face him, holding it out.

"This one?" he asked, taking the CD in his hands without ever losing the smile on his face. Ricky nodded nervously.

"Alright. Do you need anything else?"

He just shook his head while his attention drifted to the name tag. "I'm Gyuvin. At your service." 

Gyuvin. That was his name. 

Cute.

"Then come on. Follow me," he said, turning and starting to walk after gesturing with his hand for him to follow.

Ricky began to follow him through the store, admiring his hair, his small build—even noticing that the young man was about three centimeters taller than him. They reached the cash register area.

"Alright. That'll be fifteen pounds," he said again between smiles, positioning himself behind the counter.

Ricky reacted quickly, digging into his pocket for the money and handing him the bill. Their hands nearly brushed in the exchange, but Ricky pulled his back swiftly.

"Wait a moment. I'll go wrap it up. Be right back," he said before heading through a door into a room behind the counters.

Ricky nodded and stood frozen, fidgeting nervously with his fingers. Those moments felt like an eternity to him. Luckily, he saw the boy return with the package in his hands, slipping it into a clear plastic bag printed with the store's name.

"Here you are. Have a good day," he said sweetly, handing him the bag. Ricky took it with his hand and left the place as quickly as he could. 

His mother was waiting for him outside. She was also holding a bag, but this one contained a fairly large cardboard box. He assumed she had bought the pair of boots she was interested in. She watched him expectantly. For the first time, Ricky had done something on his own—entering an unfamiliar place, interacting with strangers—and he didn't seem to have suffered at all. Ricky felt his pulse racing out of control, but it wasn't a bad feeling. There was a warm feeling that, for moments, made him forget the fear.

"How did it go, sweetheart?" 

He just looked at her and then at the small bag he was holding.

"Did you buy that?" He nodded. "Good. It wasn't so horrible after all, was it? Come on, let's head home."

Ricky let out a big sigh once they were finally back in the car. He felt safe.

"Thanks for coming with me today, Ricky," she said when they got home.

He nodded and, without a word, went up to his room and closed the door.

"Maybe it was too much in one day," she whispered.

Once in his room, Ricky pulled the package out of the bag and examined it closely. It was square-shaped from the CD case. It was wrapped in blue paper with the date of the day, 22/10/1994, written in the upper left corner. 

It was very neatly done; he deduced that the boy had wrapped it with his own hands, since the rest of the staff were busy with their customers. And the date was handwritten. That must be his handwriting. 

Every little thing connected to that boy filled him with overwhelming joy, even if his face didn't show it. 

He should tear off the wrapping to reveal the CD, but he didn't want to. It was one he'd chosen completely at random—he already had the CDs he wanted; his mom took care of buying them for him. He preferred to keep the wrapping that Gyuvin had taken care of and the date of that day, which Ricky considered important, written by him. 

He stared at it for a long time and then decided to store it in a box under his bed.

The next day, they were at his grandparents' house, as they were every Sunday. He loved his grandparents; they had always been very good to him. Who he couldn't stand were his cousins—some younger, some older than him. Currently, he didn't speak a single word to any of them since that time years ago.

Ricky was about six years old. He was sitting next to his mom when one of his same-age cousins invited him to play with the others. Ricky just shook his head at all the other boy's suggestions.

"Auntie, why does Ricky hardly ever say anything? Is he stupid?" the boy said.

Ricky looked at him in horror.

"James!" the boy's mother shouted.

"What?! It's the truth. He's a weirdo."

After that, Ricky spoke even less than he was already accustomed to. Only the bare minimum, when words couldn't be replaced by body language.

He stayed close to his mother or grandparents, who didn't bother him too much. Though this Sunday, he barely paid attention to the gathering. The only thing on his mind was the boy from the CDs. His name. His voice. His eyes. He had to see him again.

He had trouble concentrating in class with Yuqi, on Monday. And on Tuesday too.

"Is something wrong, Ricky?" the kind lady asked. "You're not paying attention like usual—that's not like you."

Ricky looked at her with a bit of guilt. She was right; he was barely listening to her words. But he shook his head.

"Are you sure? You can trust me if there's something you want to tell me."

He twisted his lip to one side. He couldn't think clearly. He decided to trust her and try to face his fear. He inhaled a large amount of air and finally spoke.

"Can we..." he began, but then stayed silent for several seconds, unable to finish the sentence. Maybe out of terror of a no as a response. It was harder than he imagined.

"Can we..." she prompted, encouraging him to continue.

"Go to the mall?" he finished, averting his gaze to the floor, starting to bite his nails, clearly nervous.

Ricky's private teacher was surprised by the request. For the first time in years of knowing him, Ricky was asking to go out of the house. Ricky's mom and Robin, his stepfather, were at work. She had full responsibility for the boy if anything bad happened to him. She knew how to handle Ricky, but always under a roof. She thought that if any issue arose, she could call his parents' offices from a payphone. If she agreed, they'd have to walk. Ricky must be aware of that and still wanted to do it. 

She was analyzing all the possibilities, processing the information, and thus stayed silent for a few moments. Ricky was starting to think she was looking for a way to say no without hurting his feelings. He felt very discouraged.

"Alright," the woman said finally.

Ricky looked at her surprised, his eyes enormously wide. She smiled.

"Go grab your things; we'll head out in a moment."

She saw him quickly get up from his chair and rush up the stairs. Since when did he have so much energy? She saw him return with a gray backpack slung over his shoulders.

"Alright, let's go," she said, opening the door and letting him pass.

Ricky's breathing was irregular. Whatever was going through his mind had him restless. Not to mention that the last time he'd walked the sidewalks of London was many years ago. 

He observed everything as he passed, like a prisoner released after serving a sentence. Despite the mild low temperature, the day was sunny, making it pleasant to the skin.

Yuqi watched him out of the corner of her eye, watching all his actions. When she had the chance to speak alone with his mom, she would tell her about what happened that afternoon. 

Since Ricky hardly spoke and she preferred not to make silly comments just to fill the quiet space between them, the walk was silent.

They finally arrived. 

Yuqi just followed him as Ricky walked much more decisively than usual. Dodging all human contact with the other people wandering inside the building, he walked straight until he reached the music store, which had been his goal from the start. 

He looked through the store's glass window, trying to find him, but he didn't. He stood still, just watching, waiting for him to appear any moment, maybe wrapping something—but he didn't.

"Ricky?" The female voice of his teacher beside him snapped him out of his thoughts, and he turned to look at her. "Is this where you wanted to come?" He nodded, looking at the floor. "Why don't you go in?"

He looked back inside. Two women and a man were serving customers. He had no reason to enter. Why wasn't he there? His hope of seeing him again shattered so harshly.

"You're looking for someone, aren't you?" she asked, seeing the boy repeatedly scanning the interior. He grimaced. "Why don't you ask about that person?" He stayed silent. "Want me to ask?" 

He turned to look at her; maybe that was the signal that it was what he unconsciously hoped would happen.

Ricky clenched his fists and bit his lip. It took him a while to respond. He hadn't said his name out loud until that moment, only in his mind.

"Gyuvin," he finally whispered. He could swear it sounded even more beautiful when spoken.

She barely furrowed her brow. If she hadn't been listening so intently, she was sure she wouldn't have heard the name, and it would have been awkward to make him repeat it. He was looking for a boy. The question was why. But she decided not to pry too much and give him privacy. She assumed he was part of the staff.

"Alright. Come on, I'll ask about him."

They both entered the store. At first glance, they looked like mother and son, though they didn't resemble each other. Quickly, a dyed blonde woman, about fifty years old, approached them. Ricky hid a little behind Yuqi.

"Welcome to MusicWorld. Can I help you with anything?"

"Yes, excuse me, I was looking for… Gyuvin?" Ricky tensed with anxiety over the response.

"Gyuvin?" the woman asked, surprised. "Well, the only Gyuvin I know only works here on Saturdays."

"Oh. I see," she said, nodding. "Well, thank you for your time. Sorry for the bother."

"Oh no, it's no bother," she said cordially. Yuqi gave her a smile and placed a hand on Ricky's shoulder, and they both left.

Ricky didn't say a word. At least now he knew. His only chance to see him was on Saturdays.

"Do you want to do something else, or do you want to go home?" she asked, without even touching on the topic of Gyuvin, which Ricky appreciated immensely in his head. He raised his right hand's index and middle fingers, showing her two. Indicating he chose the second option.

On the way back, they buttoned their coats because there was a somewhat cool breeze. The trip there and back was equally silent. Yuqi was still amazed at how long Ricky had been out of the house, surrounded by people and noise, without panicking. Once home, they said goodbye; class should have ended long ago.

"See you tomorrow, Ricky. Remember to keep the house locked until your parents get home," she said, waving goodbye and turning to leave, but something tugged at the elastic of her coat. When she turned, she noticed he had grabbed it.

"Thanks," it was one of the most used words in the boy's limited dialogue with others, since it was a word that couldn't be adequately replaced with body language.

"You're welcome, Ricky. It was a pleasure to accompany you."

The next day, Yuqi called the Shen house very early in the morning. She wanted to make sure Ricky was still asleep so he wouldn't hear the conversation. She recounted in great detail everything that had happened the day before to Ricky's mom. His mother could hardly believe it—her son had gone out on his own, among so many other things.

"I just wanted you to be aware of his behavior. It surprised me a lot."

"And I don't know how to thank you for taking such good care of Ricky in our absence. I'll make sure to take him to the mall on Saturday if that's what he wants."

Ricky acted indifferent with his psychologist on Friday. He didn't mention the two times he'd left the house. But Ricky's mom took care of telling him what Yuqi had said as soon as they were alone.

Ricky was practically no longer interested in anything else in his monotonous and boring life. He just passed the days. He anxiously awaited that day without saying a single word to his mom. He wished with all his might that he wouldn't have to ask her for it. 

He didn't have to.

"Son, I'll go to the mall in half an hour. You agreed to come with me last week, so I was wondering if you'd like to do it again," she pretended not to know that he would most likely accept the invitation.

Ricky nodded with his lips barely curved, not quite forming a smile.

They repeated the routine from a week ago. With the difference that this time Ricky clearly intended to go to that music store, and his mother didn't go to the shoe store across the way; however, she gave her son privacy to do what he wanted while she handled the groceries.

There was Ricky. Walking toward that place. He would see him again. This time, as soon as he looked inside, he spotted him, and his heart began to pound hard. 

There he was, wearing his blue work uniform. Always smiling as he helped others. 

Ricky entered the place as if his body moved on its own. He wanted to be near him once more. Without even glancing at the CD shelf, he grabbed one at random and headed straight to him, closing the distance between their bodies. When the boy finished saying goodbye to the customer he was serving, he turned toward Ricky, joyful.

"Welcome to MusicWorld. Can I help you with anything?"

His voice. That damn voice. It had been echoing in his brain for the last seven days. It was as sweet as honey.

Ricky handed him the small plastic case he'd grabbed seconds earlier, and he took it with a smile.

"Do you need anything else?" The blond boy shook his head. "Alright. This way, please. Give me a minute to wrap it properly."

Gyuvin returned with the package in his hands, placed it in the plastic bag, and handed it to him. Then he charged the money.

"Thanks. Enjoy your purchase, and we hope you come back soon."

Ricky left the place. His hands were sweaty, and he felt a tingling in his body. He felt good. He was nervous about all the people—he couldn't deny it. But when he was in front of Gyuvin, it was as if the rest of the world faded away. As if peace reigned. That was a new and pleasant sensation. 

He began his march in search of his mother.

Gyuvin had watched him leave the store.

"It's him," he said in a low tone that went unheard amid the bustle of shoppers.

Ellen, the lady who worked Tuesdays and Thursdays at the store, had mentioned that a woman had asked about him, which struck him as quite strange since he didn't know anyone matching that woman's description. But what caught his attention most was that Ellen said the woman wasn't alone; she was with a teenager. A young man with styled blond hair, tall, pale skin, big and cat-like eyes, who never intended to say a word. He matched the description perfectly.

"I'd like to know his name," he whispered and continued serving other customers.

Ricky couldn't believe it. He got home and locked himself in his room. His mother thought he liked listening to his new acquisitions alone and as soon as possible; but instead, he just took the package in his hands, staring at it as if admiring every millimeter of the handwritten date. 

It was as if he felt closer to—or at least less distant from—that boy by holding something of his in his hands. Something he had wrapped. Something he had written. 

After nearly an hour of staring at it, he stored it in the box under his bed, along with the first CD he'd bought. Then he lay on his bed, staring at the white ceiling. 

He couldn't get him out of his head. He felt a great emptiness in his chest thinking he had to wait another long seven days to see him again. So many hours of waiting just to see him for a few minutes. But still, he believed it was worth it.

Yuqi didn't interrogate Ricky about whether he'd managed to see who he was looking for; she decided that when he wanted or was ready, he'd do it on his own. Besides, there was already someone in charge of hearing his feelings. Though Hanbin hadn't made much progress that Friday either.

"Tell me, Ricky, have you left the house at all in the last few weeks?" He nodded. "Was it a good experience, or did you not enjoy it?" He raised his index finger, indicating he chose the first option. "Do you think you'll go out again soon?" If soon meant the next day, the answer was an undeniable yes. He nodded. "Good. Tell me, is there something serving as an incentive for this to happen?" 

Ricky tensed. Yes, there was an incentive. One with a name and surname—well, though he didn't know it, he assumed he had one. An incentive with the most beautiful eyes in the world. But he didn't want to admit it. At least not yet. So he just shook his head. 

Hanbin knew right away he was lying. He expected Ricky to lie even before asking the question—that had been his intention all along. 

"Alright, I'm glad you're progressing. The outside world isn't such a horrible place," he said, acting indifferent. "How did your history exam go?" He changed the subject.

At the end of the session, as every Friday, Ricky stayed a few moments alone while his mother and his therapist talked about him. At first, when he was very young, he threw too many tantrums about it. It was very uncomfortable; he felt like they were saying bad things about him, treating him like a freak. But with the help of their talks, they convinced him that would never happen, and he had no choice but to get used to it.

"Are you sure he went to that store intending to see someone in particular?"

"I am. His teacher told me, and he trusts her completely."

"When I asked him today if there was a specific reason for his outings, he denied it."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That Ricky lied." Ricky's mom was very surprised to hear that; she believed her son was an innocent soul incapable of lying. "Don't worry, Mrs. Shen. Lying is a natural human reflex. He's trying to keep his secret in a little bubble as long as possible. There's still a lot to figure out, like why he feels the need to see that person and what his intentions are with them."

"Him," she clarified, determining the gender of the person Ricky was interested in. "It's a boy."

"Alright, him." He didn’t seem to care. Gender wasn't of utmost relevance in cases like this. "Some of the most common possibilities when this happens is seeing the person as a role model, someone you'd like to be; because they remind you of someone close in the family you care about a lot; because they're someone you feel comfortable and at ease with; sometimes the reason doesn't go further than the person being attractive. Sometimes a combination of two or more factors from some of the examples I just mentioned. And intentions vary greatly depending on the individual. The most common are physical or emotional attraction, linked to the desire to form a friendly, fraternal, or romantic bond with the person in question."

"Romantic bond?" she asked, confused.

"Everything is possible, Mrs. Shen. Only Ricky can know what's going on in his mind."

Ricky's mom was stunned by Hanbin's words, but what he said made sense. All the more reason, she decided with all the willpower she had, not to interfere in Ricky's life. He knew what he was doing, and she trusted him blindly.

The next day, she invited Ricky to the mall again, and he didn't hesitate a second to nod in approval. Probably all Saturdays from now on would be like that. Then, his mother left him alone as soon as they crossed the big entrance door to the building.

Ricky took a big breath before entering the music store, grabbed any CD, and walked toward the boy with deer-like eyes.

Gyuvin glanced at him sidelong while handing the purchase to the customer he was with at that moment. He had returned.

"Welcome to MusicWorld. How can I help you?" he said smiling for the third Saturday in a row.

Ricky handed him the small plastic case. Gyuvin took it and stared at him fixedly. Ricky expected that, like the previous times, he'd ask if he needed anything else and ask him to follow to the register to charge him and then hand him his package.

"Megan," the boy called out loud, making one of his coworkers stop paying attention to a customer for a few seconds and turn to look at him. "Can you cover for me? It'll just be a few minutes."

"Sure," she said with a smile, "but you owe me a favor."

"Make it two," he said with an ear-to-ear smile, "and thanks."

The boy quickly turned his gaze back to Ricky, who shuddered completely.

"You come here often. What's your name?" he asked curiously.

Ricky's heart seemed to stop. He opened his eyes in surprise and parted his lips but made no sound. What if he said something stupid? He had to speak to him. He had to answer. If he didn't, he'd think he was an idiot forever. But he couldn't gather the necessary courage. 

He wasn't prepared. He was taking too long to answer and was starting to get extremely nervous. He didn't know how patient the boy could be with him. But luckily, Gyuvin noticed his nervousness and decided to lighten things up somehow.

"Maybe it was too complex a question to start with," he joked. But it was clear in every expression that he wasn't treating Ricky like he was dumb; he just wanted to make him feel comfortable. "Can you talk?" he asked, and internally prayed the boy didn't have some kind of mutism, because if so, he'd wish the earth would swallow him. He sighed with relief in his mind when the blond boy nodded. "Can you read?" He nodded again. "Good, then how am I called? I'll give you a hint," he said amused, pointing with his index finger to the name tag pinned to his uniform.

He knew his name perfectly. It had been wandering in his head for the last two weeks. But he'd never pronounced it out loud to anyone other than Yuqi, when she needed to know it to ask about him. There was no escape. He had to say it. 

He subtly licked his lips, which were a pale pink and quite dry from his constant lack of dialogue.

"Gyuvin," he said finally, his voice deep and raspy. He felt his hands sweaty and trembling.

"Whoa!" he said, surprised. "Your voice! It's so deep. I wouldn't have imagined it. I like it," he emphasized. Ricky thought his heart would burst out of his chest from how fast and hard it was beating. "Now tell me your name," he said eagerly.

"Ricky," he responded after a few moments.

He did it. He'd told him his name. He couldn't believe it. He was having a conversation with that boy he considered perfection in person.

"Ricky," he repeated in his high and angelic voice.

Ricky's mind was on fire. As if screaming without sound. Everything in him was short-circuiting. This angelic person had just pronounced his name with his thin lips. If he died right then, he couldn't care less.

"Nice to meet you, Ricky—I can call you Ricky, right?" He nodded. If he heard his name pronounced by him one more time, he'd go crazy. "You're a man of few words, I see. I'm the opposite. They always tell me I don't know when to shut up once I start talking," he didn't stop talking with a smile on his face, as if talking to him was enough to put him in a good mood.

Gyuvin saw several customers entering, and the two girls serving needed help. He twisted his lip to one side; he really would have liked a little more time.

"Looks like we'll have to save the rest of our chat for another day; they need me over there. Come, follow me."

For another day? Ricky thought. Was he going to keep talking to him? Was that what he meant?

They walked to the cash register. As usual, Gyuvin headed to that small room, returning with the CD he'd had in his hands after a while as they talked, but now wrapped in that blue paper with the date's numbers.

"Are all the CDs you buy for you?" he asked while taking the money and handing him the bag. Ricky looked at him surprised and nodded. "I see. Sorry. I ask a lot of questions. Just tell me if it bothers you." Ricky shook his head repeatedly. "Good. Enjoy them. Thanks, and I hope you come back soon," he said calmly with a beautiful smile as he headed to serve more customers as they started to crowd, waiting to be helped.

Ricky hurried out of the place. He felt so strange. 

He went into one of the men's bathrooms at the mall. A place where he could be a bit calmer, without so many people around. The white walls relaxed him a little. He breathed heavily.

 The last words Gyuvin said to him weren't just store courtesy; they were from his own desire. He said he hoped to see him again. He talked to him. He liked him. He didn't think he was a freak or a complete idiot. 

Ricky walked a few steps to stand in front of a large mirror placed over the sinks. He set the bag on the marble and looked closely at his reflection. At least on the outside, he looked like an ordinary boy. He was the one who felt strange. He raised one hand and lightly touched one of his cheekbones. He'd swear it felt warm, though it looked as usual. He turned on the faucet, cupped some cool water in his hands, and rinsed his face. Then he dried off with paper towels from the dispenser. He didn't know what direction things would take now, but he'd managed to have a conversation with someone. With him. And it hadn't been the end of the world.

Once he met up with his mother, they headed to the car. During the short trip, a red light stopped them for a few moments. His mother took the opportunity to say something and break the silence.

"How was the mall today, sweetheart?"

Ricky was looking out the car window when his mother asked. He heard her and shrugged slightly, as if it wasn't a big deal. But then she saw it. She couldn't see his face directly, but she caught part of Ricky's reflection in the rearview mirror. He had a small smile on his face. She wasn't even sure he was aware he was smiling. 

The blare of a horn snapped her out of her thoughts. She hadn't noticed the light had turned green. She quickly shifted gears, and the car moved. Ricky gave her a look with his brow slightly furrowed.

"Sorry, I got distracted."

Ricky had smiled. She saw it with her own eyes. She had to tell Hanbin. She had to tell Robin and Xiaoting. She felt like shouting it to the world. Ricky was showing his emotions very discreetly, but it was progress. Whoever that person was who was causing this change in Ricky, she was infinitely grateful to them.

The rest of the week, Ricky acted normal. Indifferent. As usual. Nothing excited him. He continued with his classes and sessions as if nothing had happened. He didn't tell anything about Gyuvin; Ricky's mom took care of updating Hanbin on Ricky's actions. Meanwhile, he just passed the days, impatiently waiting for Saturday to arrive.

It had finally come. Each week felt like an eternity. He had something to look forward to every day. His mother always went to the mall in the morning, but that day his mother, Ricky's grandmother, had asked her as a favor to accompany her to the hairdresser, so she had to postpone the shopping until after lunch. 

Anger was everything one could see in Ricky’s expression all morning. He didn't speak at all either. 

His mom apologized to him, though she thought being fickle and not just a compliant child was also good sometimes. 

Once lunch was finished, she washed the dishes, and they headed to the mall. Ricky wasn't even sure of Gyuvin's schedule. Just thinking that he only worked mornings and thus not seeing him today made him very nervous. Luckily, when they arrived, Gyuvin was there.

He entered that store he was starting to know by heart. Each time a little less nervous about the people around, but he couldn't say the same about the boy who always took care of serving him. He saw him coming toward him and grabbed a random CD.

"Welcome to MusicWorld, Ricky," he said smiling when he was close enough. He remembered his name. He felt so special he wouldn't know how to describe it with words. "Nice to see you again." Ricky's face remained unchanged on the outside, but his mind screamed internally. "I thought you'd always come in the mornings; looks like I was wrong," he laughed a little, and it was music to his ears. "That's good." He heard that, and the anger he'd had all morning vanished, disappearing in just a moment. "Maybe that way we can continue the chat from the other day. I mean, if you're not in a hurry." Ricky shook his head repeatedly. "Great! I assume you've already had lunch." He nodded. "Would you like to hang out with me while I eat? I'm starving." 

Ricky nodded. It was as if Gyuvin wasn't faking sympathy with him just for being a frequent customer at his workplace; it was as if he really liked him.

Gyuvin gestured for him to follow. They entered the door behind the counter, where they always wrapped people's purchases. It was a fairly spacious area. It had an employee bathroom, a small kitchen, a table with some papers on it, three chairs around it and a whiteboard on the wall with various colored post-its stuck on it with different reminders.

"Have a seat," he told him kindly while heading to the small fridge, taking out a container with sandwiches in it. He obeyed, sitting in one of the chairs; Gyuvin sat next to him in another. "Want one? My mom made them." Ricky shook his head. He'd have loved to take one, but he was still full.

He watched as Gyuvin began devouring his sandwich. Apparently, he was really hungry. He stood there mesmerized watching him. After noticing how Ricky stared at him with total concentration and after finishing his second sandwich, he looked at him.

"Is watching me eat that entertaining?" he asked, amused, and took a sip of his soda.

Ricky froze. He didn't know how to respond. If he said yes, he'd come off as some kind of creepy stalker. If he said no, Gyuvin might get offended. Gyuvin noticed the panic in his eyes.

"Hey, relax. It was a joke. I always make those kinds of sarcastic and stupid comments. Sorry if I sounded rude." Ricky shook his head, indicating it wasn't his fault. "You're very shy, aren't you?" Ricky just stared at him fixedly, a bit scared, fearing he'd figure out his damn problem and stop talking to him. "I mean, I've only heard you say two words in four weeks. It seems unfair. You have a great voice; it's a waste not to use it more often." The boy did nothing but look at him surprised. "Here's a proposal: you come visit me every Saturday, and I'll help you overcome your shyness. Unless I'm the only person you don't talk much to." Ricky shook his head. "Good, how about you start by stopping nodding and shaking your head all the time. It's not like it bothers me, you look cute when you do it, but you just have to respond with a couple of two-letter words each time. Doesn't sound too complicated, right? What do you say?" Ricky nodded, and Gyuvin let out a small laugh. "This will take time," he said, scratching his neck. "One more time. Are you willing to do it?"

It wasn't anything anyone hadn't tried with him—different people, different methods over years. Getting him to talk like a normal person. It had all been useless. A percentage of professionals attributed it entirely to his condition, but another percentage related it to the little willpower Ricky put into improving. And there now was Gyuvin in front of him. Smiling at him. Wanting to help him without anyone asking. Without asking anything in return. Without knowing what Ricky's problem was. He couldn't say no. He didn't want to disappoint him. Not him. He was about to nod by reflex but stopped.

"Yes."

He responded finally, his gaze fixed on the floor. When he looked up again, he saw the image of Gyuvin, elbow on the table, head resting on his right hand, and a big smile that formed small wrinkles at the sides of his eyes.

"That's a total of three words now," he said without stopping smiling.

One simple word, and he could see him smile like that. Maybe if he tried to change, he'd succeed. If the reward was making Gyuvin happy about it, it would definitely be worth the effort.

The door opened; it was one of his coworkers. The tall blonde girl. She entered with a box in her hands that, judging by the photo, contained a speaker. She cut a large piece of blue paper, the same one Gyuvin wrapped his CDs with week after week, and held it in place with tape. She left with the package already wrapped.

"That's Megan. She's a really nice girl. She's the one I first talked to when I started working here. The other girl is Cinthia. She's also very nice; she took a bit longer to talk to me. She's a little shyer. I think she likes me, but I don't see her as more than a friend."

Ricky didn't know exactly why. But knowing Gyuvin liked one of his coworkers made him feel annoyed.

"Oh," he said disappointedly, looking at the clock. "I have to get back to work."

He put the rest of the food and drink in the fridge. They left the room and completed the purchase as usual.

"Hope you enjoy it. See you soon," he kindly said goodbye.

That following Friday, his mom and Hanbin were chatting between themselves.

"There's no change in how much he talks, but he seems more energetic."

"I think that boy I mentioned last time, Gyuvin, is like a friend to him. I don't know."

"He hasn't told you anything about him?"

"No," she shook her head a bit sadly. "Absolutely nothing. Should I ask him?"

"No, let him handle it. It seems to be doing him good."

Ricky's mom nodded.

That Saturday, they went to the mall in the morning as usual.

Ricky entered, but no sooner had he set foot in the music store than Cinthia greeted him.

"Welcome to MusicWorld. Can I help you with anything?"

She was very close to the entrance and was free, while Gyuvin was selling some picks further back. Cinthia was a bit jealous of Ricky, which was quite stupid since Ricky was a boy; but if she could prevent them from talking, it wouldn't be bad at all, she thought. 

He got very nervous. He had the fixed idea that it would be Gyuvin who would come to him, like every week. He hadn't accounted for the possibility of someone else doing it. He was going to make an effort to talk more, but not to everyone—not now. He hadn't even had time to grab a random CD in his hands. But he was partly grateful for that. If she handled the purchase, he wouldn't even have an excuse or opportunity to talk to Gyuvin. He couldn't allow that. He saw him once a week and only for a moment. It was too much waiting to waste the chance like this. He didn’t know what to do.

"Ricky."

He heard that voice that made all his problems dissipate and felt as if a weight of tons fell from his shoulders. He was safe. Both he and the brunette turned their heads, fixing their gaze on Gyuvin, who had approached them. He'd finished with the customer he was busy with.

"Don't worry, Gyu. I'll take care of him," she said with a big silly smile toward Gyuvin. Yeah, it was more than clear she liked him.

"No," he said curtly, making the girl stop smiling. "You see," he changed his tone to a softer one upon noticing he'd sounded a bit cold before. "Ricky is my favorite customer, and I'm his favorite salesman," he winked with a sideways smile. "It's mutual, so I'll be the one to help him whenever he comes. If I'm busy, he'll wait until I'm free. Understood?" he finished in a somewhat cheeky tone.

"As you wish," she spat annoyed and quickly headed to another part of the store to disappear from sight.

"She'll get over it," he said smiling to Ricky, who looked at him surprised. "Are you okay?"

Ricky felt like just nodding. That was simple. But they'd agreed he'd stop doing that.

"Yes," he said with his gaze down.

"Good. What does my favorite customer need today?"

Ricky felt a shiver down his spine. Every good thing Gyuvin said about him made his heart race a thousand times an hour. He barely turned his face and grabbed any CD, handing it to him. Gyuvin looked at him with a furrowed brow, trying futilely to hide a smile. Gyuvin bit his lower lip, making him look damn sexy. Ricky swallowed.

"You know? It's a shame we can't have more time together today. Spending my lunch break with you was way more fun than alone. And I can't use my break right now. If I eat at eleven in the morning, I'll starve the rest of the afternoon," he pouted.

The combination of hearing those words and seeing Gyuvin's amused grin made Ricky smile.

"You smiled," he said surprised, interrupting himself mid-sentence.

Ricky wiped the smile from his face reflexively and stared at him.

"You smiled," he repeated, but this time with a big smile on his face. "I can't believe it. Smiling is definitely something you should do more often too."

"Gyuvin," Megan's voice was heard near them. "Sorry to interrupt, but there's too much to do."

"Of course, sorry," he apologized.

Gyuvin turned to Ricky with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"This one?" he said, referring to the CD.

"Yes," he responded as quickly as possible, looking at the floor.

"Alright, follow me."

Ricky wasn't the best at hiding. Gyuvin had noticed how he grabbed CDs at random. He assumed they were just excuses to visit the store. The idea crossed his mind to tell him about it—that he'd noticed what he was doing and he could visit without buying anything. But Ricky was a Pandora's box; he wasn't sure he could predict the boy's reactions. So even though he acted with total confidence, he was also cautious with him. 

He decided not to say anything. The same could be said about his condition. Gyuvin had noticed that what Ricky had wasn't simple shyness. But he acted as if he didn't know, treating him all the time just like someone shy. He firmly believed that treating him like a completely normal person would help him more than treating him specially and making him feel different, weird, excluded. Gyuvin really wanted to help Ricky.

Then, the same old routine. Go to the cash register, give the money, take the change, wrap the case in the packing room, hand over the bag, and say goodbye just to wait another full week. It was becoming a life cycle for Ricky. The only thing that really motivated him.

But this week would be different. He'd take a big step. He'd gathered enough courage over the last seven days. He just hoped he could handle it.

"Ricky," his mother called. "Shall we go to the mall together?"

She was practically convinced he'd accept gladly. But to her surprise, he said no.

"Why not?" she asked stunned. He stared at her fixedly. "Did something bad happen?" He shook his head. "Don't you want to keep going?" He nodded. "I don't understand." He took a big breath and after a few moments explained.

"In the afternoon."

"You want to go in the afternoon?" He nodded. She really wanted to ask the reason, but she couldn't. It was obvious it had to do with Gyuvin. "You know I'm usually busy with my work on Saturday afternoons, sweetheart. I'm not sure I can accompany you." She hated doing this to Ricky, but sometimes she simply couldn't fulfill all his whims, but he had been shaking his head a few seconds before she finished speaking.

"I'll go alone."

Ricky's mom paled. Ricky wanted to go out alone. Without her. To the mall. 

A month ago, she could barely get him to go to the backyard. She was happy but scared too.

"I don't know, it could be dangerous." She couldn't believe what she was saying; what she longed for most was for Ricky to have a normal life, and now she was the one wanting to stop him.

"I'm not a child," he said seriously. His mother had never seen him so determined and confident. Whatever Gyuvin was causing in Ricky was yielding unprecedented results.

"Alright. You can go alone. Just be very careful," his mother said worriedly. He nodded. She had to trust him. But she couldn't help feeling great insecurity about this.

After lunch, Ricky grabbed his gray backpack and slung it over his shoulders. He was standing in front of the house's front door. His mother watched him expectantly; she approached slowly and planted a short kiss on his hair. He let out a long sigh and finally left the house. 

There he was. Alone. Walking the sidewalks of London. He was nervous, obviously, but his determination made him walk quickly. Part of his mind was starting to believe he no longer just wanted to see him. He needed to see him.

He finally arrived. The path felt endless in moments and in others like he was floating on a short path to meet the most important person to him.

He entered the store. Gyuvin gave him a quick glance while serving someone else. Ricky waited patiently in silence. Once the other customer's purchase was finished, they approached each other.

"Good thing you made it. Lunchtime," he said happily.

Ricky couldn't help but draw a smile on his face.

They both headed to the back room. They sat at the paper-strewn table that Gyuvin pushed aside so as not to dirty anything while he devoured his lunch. He ate faster than last time.

"You know," he said once he'd finished wiping the bread crumbs from the corner of his lips. Ricky couldn't take his eyes off him with every action the boy made. "I've been thinking about something this past week. You’re very nice, but I know very little about you. It occurred to me that we could try to learn a bit more about each other. If that's okay with you."

"Sure" he said looking directly at his nervously moving feet.

"Ricky."

He called seriously, making the called boy's skin prickle. He didn't lift his gaze from his feet, but he could see Gyuvin's hand approaching him, but for some reason, he didn't have the reflex to pull away abruptly avoiding contact. Gyuvin took his chin very gently and tilted it upward, making them look at each other fixedly, face to face. Ricky breathed very nervously.

"You have such pretty eyes, don’t waste them looking at the floor every time you talk. Sometimes looks say even more than words. Do you think you could look at me when you talk?"

Ricky felt Gyuvin's requests getting heavier each time. It was fucking difficult and stressful to fulfill what he asked. But he knew his intention wasn't to order him around, but more like granting him favors. And honestly, he felt his soul would split in two if he saw even one expression of disappointment on his face in the case he disagreed.

"Alright," he responded, looking directly into his deer-like eyes.

"Thanks, really," he smiled more radiantly than ever. "I guess since I'm the chatterbox, I'll start by telling you things about me. Where do I start…? Alright. My full name is Kim Gyuvin and I’m eighteen. I work here serving the public on Saturdays from ten in the morning to six in the afternoon. I'm a Virgo. I live with my parents. I have three younger siblings. We have a dog named Eumppappa—I was the one who named her, cool, right? 

I’d say my best friends are Gunwook, Yujin and Jiwoong. We always went to school together, but Jiwoong is actually older than me, so Gunwook and Yujin are the only ones I’m seeing everyday. I still keep in contact with Jiwoong, however! Even though he’s busy with uni, I always try to force him to hang out with me. I'm thinking of going to university next year, actually, but I haven't decided what to choose yet. 

My hobbies are listening to music and spending time with my friends, most of the time playing soccer or video games. My favorite color is… um… maybe blue– red? Red and white? Grey? Who knows. Anyway, my favorite season is autumn. My favorite subject is science, and the one I hate most is math. Hmm... I'd tell you more, but right now I can't remember.”

Ricky watched attentively. He was shocked by the number of siblings he had. He smiled upon noticing they shared a hatred for math. He was also surprised about the way Gyuvin could talk so much, smiling, opening up like that. It was admirable.

"What about you?"

He asked expectantly, snapping Ricky out of his thoughts. He looked at him nervously. There was no way he had expected him to speak in quantity, giving a big description of himself like he'd just done… or had he? 

"Would you prefer it if I asked and you answered?"

Ricky felt a strong urge to nod looking at the floor. But he had to get used to change around Gyuvin.

"Yes," he said, looking him directly in the eyes.

"Good. Your full name is Ricky..."

"Shen," he responded after a few seconds.

"Why do you have such a cool last name? Not fair," he joked, and Ricky smiled. "Alright, Shen Ricky." Ricky felt a shiver hearing his full name said by him. "You're sixteen…?"

"Eighteen."

"Do you live with your parents?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"An older sister."

"Name?"

"Xiaoting. She's studying in the United States."

"Incredible." It truly was incredible that he managed to say a whole sentence. "Do you have any pets?"

"No."

"Favorite color?"

"Black."

"Sign..."

"Taurus."

"Favorite subject?"

"History."

"The one you hate?"

"Math."

"Hey! High five!"

He said, placing his hand extended in the air. Ricky looked at it and knew what to do, but he wasn't sure about doing it. Slowly he raised his hand and timidly placed it on the other's palm. He had a relatively smaller hand than Gyuvin. That kind of contact felt strange, as if every second they spent together, they gained more trust. As if they became closer.

"The idea is for them to make a sound when they clap," Gyuvin said amused.

Ricky pulled his hand back and bit his lower lip a bit. Gyuvin insisted on trying to keep a normal conversation. Interacting as he would with anyone. Didn't he realize he was a complete idiot who didn't know how to do anything right? That he was a weirdo?

"On the count of three. One..." Ricky raised his hand in the air. "Two..." He pulled it back a little. "Three!"

Both brought their hands forward in a quick motion. Making their palms slap and let out a smack. Ricky's heart beat wildly as his hand trembled a little.

"Yay! For a world without math," he laughed. Ricky let out a big smile. "Eye smile." He looked at him confused. "You have an eye smile. When you laugh, your eyes close enough to form the shape of a smile," he said, touching his cheeks with his index fingers. "My grandma said people with eye smiles have big hearts." Ricky lowered his gaze hearing that. "I don't have anything special like you," he made a small pout. "When I smile, small wrinkles form at the sides of my eyes. That's not cute."

"It is."

Ricky hadn't even thought about what he'd just said so naturally as a response. Gyuvin looked at him surprised. He'd just complimented him. The older one was very nervous. Gyuvin could take it the wrong way. But he didn't.

"If you say so."

Gyuvin tried to contain a big smile, failing, showing the marks in his eyes he'd just mentioned. He bit his nails while looking at him. Ricky watched him. He bit his nails when he got nervous, anxious, or embarrassed. He wondered if Gyuvin felt any of those ways right now. 

So Gyuvin did feel embarrassed sometimes despite being so bold, he thought. He wondered in what other circumstances he'd behave so shyly.

"Damn," he said looking at the clock. "Time to get back to work."

Every day spent in his company, Ricky became more convinced that Gyuvin wasn't like other people. He was different. He talked to him as if he'd known him his whole life. He never asked why he acted like an idiot who barely knew how to talk. He never pressured him to talk; he just encouraged him, asking favors. He never forced him to talk to him, and ironically, he was the person he'd talked to most lately. With him, it wasn't hard. Or maybe his desire to talk to him made it easier than with others.

The next Saturday was a very cold day. It was snowing heavily. The streets of London city were covered in a white blanket of snow. Ricky's mom forbade Ricky from walking to the mall. And she had the afternoon occupied with work, so they had to do the shopping in the morning. 

Ricky was not pleased at all with that, but the options were seeing him only for moments or not seeing him. Ricky's mom knew perfectly that it would annoy him, but it was better to deal with a whim than for Ricky to get sick. Besides, going to the mall put him in a good mood. In a few hours, he'd simply forget all about it.

When he entered the store, Gyuvin looked at him surprised.

"Nice beanie, it suits you well," he told him when he was in front of him.

Ricky lowered his gaze. He was wearing a gray beanie and a matching scarf that day because of the cold. Gyuvin paid attention every Saturday to any change in Ricky's demeanor. Good or bad. He had reasons to do so. But so far, things were only improving.

"Judging by your clothes, I deduce it's very cold out."

Ricky nodded. But he surprised himself and quickly said yes, correcting himself. He wasn't used to talking to anyone but Gyuvin, so he simply forgot he'd asked him not to respond with body language and did it unconsciously.

"It's okay," Gyuvin said smiling. "I'm not going to sue you for not answering with words. With other people, you still replace as many answers as you can with gestures, right?"

"Yes."

"Don't do it."

Ricky looked at him stunned. Those words from anyone else's mouth could sound so rude, but not from Gyuvin. He just said them in such a tender way. As if he was really interested in helping him be better. But the favors were getting bigger each time. He'd obeyed everything so far, but he wasn't sure he could achieve what he asked this time.

"We only see each other once a week, so it’s only normal that you'd lose the habit of responding with words. If you practice, it'll be easier. Trust me," he said with a warm smile.

Ricky thought what Gyuvin said sounded logical. And above all, he'd asked him to trust him. He didn't want to disappoint him. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I'll try," he said, still a bit doubtful inside.

"I really appreciate that," he smiled even more. "Besides, I'm sure I'm not the only person who'll be happy about that."

The older understood that Gyuvin also thought about his family. About how happy they'd be if he talked to them. He thought about the happiness that could bring his mom. After all, he was being selfish by not giving her something, knowing how good it would do her. But it wasn't his intention to deprive her of that happiness. It wasn't something he did on purpose. But he'd try. He'd try to give back some of the love received over so many years. He was far from being the perfect son a mother would want, but his mom always loved him, spoiled him, and was patient with him. In her eyes, he was perfect in a way. The least he could do was give something in return. Show her his gratitude. 

He thought about what a great person Gyuvin was. Caring about the happiness of people he didn't even know in person. He thought about how wonderful he was for making him understand. He had to strive to improve. No one was going to do that work for him. It was as if years of guilt fell on his shoulders like a bucket of cold water. He'd have stayed staring at a point in nothing, thinking, but-

"Gyuvin," Megan's voice was heard.

They both snapped out of their thoughts and looked at her.

"Yes, I'm coming," he said.

Ricky felt a bit embarrassed. It wasn't the first time Gyuvin got called out for getting distracted talking to him. He felt like a nuisance.

"Sorry, looks like I'll have to have lunch alone again. I hope the weather improves next week."

"Me too."

He really hoped to spend more time with Gyuvin next time. The hours he had to wait seemed longer each time. The time spent with him seemed to fly by faster. Him. That's all he thought about. 

When he got to his room that day; after storing his unwrapped CD in the box under his bed, he took one of his many CDs and started playing it. He lay on his bed, gaze lost on the white ceiling. The music played at not too high a volume. 

Listening to music that way was more relaxing. He had his hands behind his head, fingers interlaced. All he did was listen to that relaxing sound. A particularly romantic song was playing. 

He'd never paid much attention to song lyrics. Many times he chose them just based on how relaxing they were. But this time was different. He paid attention to every word, every phrase. They talked about love. About feelings toward another person. Ricky still couldn't get Gyuvin out of his mind as the songs played and everything started to blend. 

Gyuvin, the songs, his feelings. What did he feel for Gyuvin? He liked Gyuvin. He liked him a lot. But not in the way he liked his mother or sister. He was so nice. So friendly. So handsome. He was... simply perfect. In Ricky's eyes, Gyuvin was perfect. He covered his face with his hands and sighed. He knew it then. He liked Gyuvin romantically. He liked Gyuvin as more than friends and there was nothing he could do to avoid it. 

He couldn't stop seeing him; he needed to see him. But he couldn't tell him what he felt—that was definitely not an option; he'd see him as a weirdo and would distance himself. He couldn't bear that. 

He thought things should stay the same. The only thing within his reach was trying to be better. Striving to act like a normal person, even if that was fucking difficult for him. He had to give his best shot. If the prize was seeing a proud smile on Gyuvin's face, all the effort would be worth it.

The following days, while his parents were at work and his classes with Yuqi had ended, he was alone in the house. As usual since he was a child, he began practicing in solitude. He started by babbling one word at a time. Then that became a whisper. Then a word said in a low voice. And finally, a properly said word. Then he tried speaking several words at once. That was quite difficult for him. But at least he had the peace of mind of talking to himself. 

Anyone who saw the scene would have mocked it. A damn sixteen-year-old idiot talking alone, practicing how to speak to do it right, when for the rest of the world it was so easy and natural. 

He thought it was pathetic. But he didn't stop trying. It was a slow process. He advanced a little more day by day. When he finally managed to speak reasonably well, he decided to take his training a bit further. He stood in front of the large mirror in his room, pretending his reflection was any other person. 

He could see the fear in his eyes. He stayed silent for a few minutes before he imagined Gyuvin's figure in the mirror, over his reflection. He was smiling, barely biting his lower lip.

"You can do it, Ricky."

In his imagination, he clearly heard Gyuvin say that from the other side of the mirror. Okay. He was finally going crazy. But he knew those would probably be his words if he were with him at that moment. The imaginary reflection faded, and he was back facing his worst enemy. Himself.

He clenched his fists. Took a big breath and looked at his reflection with a defiant expression.

"I'm Shen Ricky and I'm not afraid! Know why? Because Gyuvin trusts me. And he makes me strong!"

He shouted. He stepped away from the mirror and fell back onto his bed. His breathing was heavy, and his pulse trembled. Despite his persistent nerves, he felt a wave of pride course through his body. Improvement definitely felt wonderful.

At dusk, his mother arrived from work and was preparing dinner. Ricky headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He was dressed only in slippers on his feet and a towel tied around his waist. He was dry. His mom looked at him.

"Are you going to take a shower?" she asked, though the answer was obvious.

Ricky finished drinking the liquid from the glass and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes," he responded and turned around, leaving the place.

"Alright. I'll make sure not to turn on the faucets," she said kindly as she watched him go.

His mom continued with her kitchen tasks. She took a spoonful of her sauce and started tasting it, but suddenly something shocked her, making her drop the spoon, which fell to the floor, splattering some of the sauce, making a real mess. But she couldn't care less. She turned her gaze to the kitchen door where Ricky had left.

"Yes?" she said out loud, because her inner voice wasn't enough to express her astonishment. Ricky had stopped using that word years ago, nodding as a substitute.

In the session with Hanbin, he too noticed the drastic change. He answered all questions after a few seconds. He directed his gaze at him from time to time. He wasn't using gestures to replace words. Both Hanbin and Ricky's mom couldn't get over their amazement.

"Ricky, love. Wake up," his mother rocked him over the blankets. "We have to go to your grandparents' house."

Ricky was half-asleep, but hearing that simply wiped away all traces of sleep. In a brusque movement, he threw off the blankets covering him and stared fixedly at his mother. It was Saturday. Saturdays were his special day. His free day. The day he saw Gyuvin. Why go to his grandparents' house? They only did that on Sundays. He looked at her with a furrowed brow waiting for an answer, though nothing she could say would please him.

"They’re leaving on a trip tomorrow, that's why we'll have the family lunch today."

"No," he responded seriously.

"Ricky..."

"I'm not going."

She liked the idea of her son talking more, but this situation simply broke her heart. Those lunches dragged on for hours, and they returned very late in the afternoon. If they went, it was very likely Ricky couldn't go to the mall.

"You have to come," she told him, distressed.

She could see his eyes crystallizing a bit; his face still had an annoyed expression. She assumed he was experiencing too much helplessness at that moment. He quickly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom, where he locked himself for several minutes. The whole situation felt too unfair to him. It wasn't fair to deprive him of what made him happiest in the world. He felt a lump in his throat. So much practice in vain. He tried to calm down. After spending a long time locked away, he finally came out and went to the living room where his parents were already changed, ready to leave. He was simply in comfortable old gym pants and a wool sweater his grandmother had knitted him some years ago.

"Aren't you going to change clothes, sweetheart?" his mother asked.

He shook his head, looking at her. He was clearly upset. Very upset. She felt her heart tighten. Ricky had been responding with words, and now a sudden change of plans had thrown everything overboard in minutes.

"We'll try to get back early and go to the mall, okay? But I can't promise anything. Please don't be mad."

He just stared at her for a moment and averted his gaze elsewhere. He headed to the car and got in. The sooner he got rid of the family gathering, the more chances there were of seeing him at least for a few minutes. Even seconds.

Once at his grandparents' house, Ricky barely greeted them out of politeness. He was clearly angry and didn't want anyone bothering him. He didn't even bother responding with gestures; he just turned a deaf ear to everything they said to him. The anger had taken away even much of his appetite. The others laughed and talked among themselves. He just stared fixedly at the living room clock. There were only twenty minutes left until six in the evening—the time Gyuvin's work shift ended. And his parents didn't seem very interested in leaving the chat soon. He couldn't bear the idea of not seeing him. He couldn't even walk there, since his grandparents' house was on the outskirts of the city. There was only one thing he could do.

"Mom," he called, taking her by the arm.

She stopped laughing and paying attention to the conversation to focus on him. It had been a very long time since he'd called her that. He only did it when something was really important.

"Please," he looked at her with genuine pleading eyes. If there was any hope of getting there on time, it was all in his mother's hands.

She saw how distressed he was and then looked at the clock. The chances of arriving on time were really slim, but she'd try.

"It's been a wonderful lunch as always," Ricky's mom said, clearly in a hurry as she stood up. "I hope you enjoy your trip a lot and bring us a nice souvenir," she said, taking her coat and handing the other to Robin.

"Oh, are you leaving already?" her mother-in-law said. "Don't you want to stay longer?"

"We'd love to, but I remembered I have to stop by a place that's about to close. It's really important we get there on time," after saying the last, she gave Ricky a look. He watched her with no expression on his face, but his gaze was full of gratitude.

They said goodbye and quickly left. Once in the car, Ricky knew they had a few minutes to get there on time. He fidgeted with his fingers from nerves and bit his lower lip for the same reason. Ricky's mom just watched him in the rearview mirror.

His father parked the car in the parking lot. As soon as the car stopped moving, Ricky opened the vehicle door and started running.

"Ricky!" Robin shouted, scared, but Ricky's mom stopped him.

"Let him. He knows what he's doing."

Ricky didn't even think about it. He acted on instinct. He had to get there. He ran as fast as he could through the parking lot and inside the building until he found the store.

It was open. He'd made it. He'd really made it. 

His chest burned. His mouth was completely dry. He was out of breath. He'd never run so much or so fast in his life. He breathed totally heavily, his chest rising and falling. But that didn't matter to him. He set aside his excessive fatigue and entered. 

Gyuvin was free as expected. There were only a scant two minutes left until closing after all. Gyuvin saw him approach and smiled widely.

"I thought you wouldn't come," he said, biting his lip.

Ricky tried to regulate his breathing. His face was a bit flushed from all the running, his hair tousled unlike usual.

Once he paid for that day's CD, there was nothing else to do.

"Alright, that was the last sale of the day," he said, cracking his knuckles. "Can you wait a moment? I'll be right back."

"Alright," he responded without knowing what he meant.

Gyuvin entered the room behind the counter once more and after a couple of minutes came out dressed differently. He'd taken off his work uniform. Ricky didn't know why he was surprised by that; I mean, it was obvious he'd do that—his shift was over. 

An adult man in charge of the place arrived with a bunch of keys in his hands. There were no customers inside anymore. Megan, Cinthia, and Gyuvin began walking out of the store. They too were now dressed in regular clothes. He just kept walking behind Gyuvin, bag in hand, without saying anything.

The manager locked the doors with a key, put a padlock on them, and then lowered a large grate covering the big display windows. He turned to the four of them, nodded a greeting, and left the place.

"See you next week," said Megan as she left.

"Sure," he responded with a smile.

"I'm going too. Bye, Gyuvin," Cinthia greeted in a not-so-pleasant way as she gave Ricky a murderous look before leaving, and tried to catch up to her coworker.

The blond furrowed his brow, confused. Gyuvin noticed this and tried to lighten things.

"Alright, it's just you and me now," he said, positioning himself in front of him. "Officially, this is the first time we've seen each other outside the store," he let out a small laugh and repeated, gesturing with his hand. "Do you get it? 'Outside the store'," he said, implying the double meaning in the sentence.

Ricky got it instantly. Yeah, they were literally outside the store or more like in front of it.

The sum of everything he was experiencing—the happiness of arriving on time, of seeing him, of him still staying by his side after his work hours ended, and that stupid joke—made him feel an inner tickle throughout his body and he couldn't hold back the laughter. Unconsciously, he started laughing.

"You laughed!" he said, extremely happy. "I can't believe it. Now you won't escape my horrible jokes. I'm going to make you laugh until your stomach begs you to stop." Just then, Gyuvin's stomach growled. "Speaking of stomachs..."

The blond boy, trying to recover from the laughter he wasn't used to, looked at him worried. The younger averted his gaze as if embarrassed by what he was about to say.

"Hmm, I didn't... have lunch this morning. I wanted to wait for you to take my lunch break."

"I'm sorry!" he said in a rush.

He felt extremely guilty. Even though it wasn't his decision to go at the last moment, he couldn't help feeling guilty. Gyuvin had been waiting for him to spend his break together. He repeated that in his head. Gyuvin had waited for him. He was starving instead of eating something, just to spend more time with him. His heart began to beat quickly.

"No problem. Really." After those words, he pretended to be thoughtful. "I know a way you can make it up to me," he said animatedly.

"How?" He'd do anything.

"Come eat something with me now," he said expectantly. "Unless, of course, you have something else to do. I'll understand."

It couldn't be true what he was hearing. He really wasn't nice to him because of his job; Gyuvin really liked him. And he couldn't understand why. He had nothing special to please people. Yet Gyuvin had fun and treated him like someone he'd known his whole life.

"I'll go with you," he responded a bit shyly.

"Yes!" Gyuvin exclaimed and took him by one of his wrists, starting to walk quite fast. "Come on, I know a place."

Ricky kept up and prayed he wouldn't notice his hand trembling completely under his touch. Ricky deeply hated anyone but his parents or sister touching him, but he did it so naturally and gently that it simply gave him goosebumps. He released his wrist once they were on the escalator, heading to the mall's second floor. They walked a bit more until reaching a fast-food restaurant. They approached the girl taking orders, and he ordered the burger combo with fries and a large soda.

"Do you want anything?" he asked him sweetly.

"No, it's fine."

"Are you sure? It's on me."

"Really, I'm not hungry. Thanks."

Gyuvin paid for the order, and they headed to a small table with two facing chairs among the many in the restaurant's area. They were a bit away from other people, situated next to a glass panel that let them watch people walking on the ground floor. After a few minutes, a waitress arrived with a tray and the boy's order. He thanked her and unwrapped his food instantly.

"I was starving for real," he spoke with his mouth full of food. "But I think it was worth the wait," now taking a sip of his drink.

He didn't take his eyes off Ricky, making the blond boy avert his gaze quite often, feeling strange. Gyuvin finished his burger in seconds and started on the fries.

"Woah! I love this song! Don't you?" he said when a certain song started playing as background music, audible throughout the building.

"Yes, it's great."

"We're leaving together!!" he sang in a very loud voice.

"Shhh!"

Ricky whispered, trying to hold back the laughter. He'd noticed some people looking at them upon hearing Gyuvin sing, and it was killing him with embarrassment, but he couldn't stop finding it funny.

"Why do you want me to shut up? Don't you like how I sing?" he pouted. Actually, he was just trying to make Ricky laugh as much as possible with his antics.

"It's not that," he said with a big smile that made his eyes smaller.

"Then I don't see the problem. It's the final countdown!!!" he shouted enthusiastically.

Ricky was dying of embarrassment but couldn't stop laughing.

"Who the hell is singing at the top of their lungs?" Robin asked, smiling. He and his wife were walking, passing in front of the games section on the mall's second floor near the restaurants.

"I don't know, but it's funny," she responded, trying to spot with her gaze where the singing came from. Soon her eyes fixed on a brown-haired boy smiling happily; apparently, he was the one singing. But quickly her attention shifted to the person in front of him. A boy with dyed blond hair identical to Ricky's. "Robin, it's Ricky!" she whispered.

"You're crazy, Ricky wouldn't sing."

"I didn't mean that!" she whispered, trying to get him to lower his voice too. "Ricky is with that boy."

The man directed his gaze to the same point as his wife and saw what she meant. His son was facing away from where they were, so he couldn't see them. And the other boy, if he saw them, wouldn't know who they were, so he wouldn't pay them any mind.

"Come on, let's get a bit closer," she said in a low voice; he agreed.

They walked until they were a bit closer to them, enough to hear a bit of the conversation, always careful to stay behind Ricky and not enter his field of vision.

"Sure you don't want any of my fries?" Gyuvin asked while devouring every piece of food.

"No, thanks."

His parents, listening from a few meters away, had no doubts anymore. That was his voice. It was him.

"I got it!" he said, snapping his fingers. "Guess what animal I am!" The older furrowed his brow while watching Gyuvin take two fries and place them in his mouth, one at each corner, hanging downward from his face. Ricky smiled at the silliness.

"A walrus?"

"Very good!" After removing both fries from his mouth, he ate one and placed the remaining one in the middle of his forehead, making it point upward at an angle. "What am I now?"

"A unicorn." Ricky couldn't stop smiling.

"Correct. You're smart. But I bet you won't guess the next one." He moved the fry from his forehead to the space between his nose and mouth and placed it horizontally, holding it with his lips.

The older thought for a few moments trying to guess and admiring Gyuvin's funny face.

"I don't know."

"A man with a mustache," he said while eating his fry.

"That's not an animal!"

"That's your opinion!”

Ricky couldn't contain the laughter. Simply couldn't. Never in his life had he felt so happy. Gyuvin, besides being perfect, was a complete idiot; no one made him feel like he did.

Ricky's mom heard him laugh, and tears began to stream down her face. She felt so proud, so immensely happy and blessed. Her little one was laughing like never before in his life. She took her husband's arm, and they headed to the bathrooms section; she was a mess.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" he asked once he'd finished all his food. The older felt a shiver of pure excitement.

"Actually, I should look for my parents."

"I see, maybe another day," he said smiling. "See you next Saturday."

"Yes," he replied, exchanging the last pair of smiles of the afternoon and watching him leave.

Ricky sighed. That boy was pure perfection. Once he lost sight of him, he started looking for his parents. He found them outside the bathrooms. Not far from the restaurant where they had been moments ago. When he reached them, he could see his father had a proud smile adorning his face, and his mother had teary eyes along with an emotional smile. He furrowed his brow confused. They looked strangely happy, much more than usual.

"Did you have fun today, son?" Robin asked.

"Yes," he responded with a small and shy smile remembering the moments he spent with Gyuvin.

"I'm so glad to hear that, sweetheart," his mother said on the verge of tears.

"What did you just say? Are you sure?"

"It's what I'm telling you, Hanbin. I saw it with my own eyes. Robin was there too. We both heard him laugh."

"When was the last time Ricky laughed?"

"I can't remember, but it was a long time ago, when he was still very little."

"People with the kind of problems Ricky has progress very slowly, if at all. But Ricky has shown enormous progress in the last two months. Have you had anything to do with it?"

"Unfortunately not. I don't know how to help my own son. He's achieved everything on his own."

"I'm not so sure about that. Do you know what made him laugh?"

Ricky's mom stayed silent for a few seconds. Of course she knew.

"Him."

"Him?"

"The CD store boy."

"What do you know about him?"

"Not much. He works at the mall. Ricky goes to that store every Saturday. Apparently his name is Gyuvin. Last Saturday Ricky almost couldn’t go due to a change of plans. I'd swear he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"Do you know that boy?"

"I only saw him from a few meters away. And I heard him say some silly things. He doesn't seem like a bad person."

"I think we're adults and I don't need to tell you that Ricky is extremely interested in that boy."

Those words were like a bucket of cold water. She'd suspected it for a long time, but she needed someone to confirm it, and so it was. Anyway, she'd support him no matter what.

"I thought so," letting out a sigh. "What do you think I should do?"

"There's not much to do. It's more than clear that if Ricky progresses, it's due to his willpower, which requires an incentive. If you took away the incentive, he'd probably go back to the initial state or even worse. Make sure that doesn't happen."

"I understand."

The next day, Ricky was hesitant about whether to go during Gyuvin's lunch hour or at the end of his work shift. A week ago, after his shift, it had been the best experience of his entire life, but he didn't want Gyuvin to go hungry again because of him. On the other hand, he wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. He also didn't know if, by going when his work ended, Gyuvin would want to spend time with him. So many possibilities ran through his mind; but finally, he decided to go around five in the afternoon, hoping he'd had lunch without him and giving him room to invite him to spend time together after his shift. 

He was risking a guaranteed chunk of time for something better that he wasn't sure would happen. But he felt the need to do it. About half an hour before the store closed, Ricky entered through the door. Gyuvin smiled when he saw him and averted his gaze until the boy was almost in front of him.

"So?" he asked, amused. "Will you admit that a man with a mustache counts as an animal?" Ricky smiled until his eye smile showed.

"Never."  

They exchanged a couple of banal comments and completed the CD purchase. At least Gyuvin didn't look hungry, though he seemed a bit more tired than usual. Ricky took the bag with the CD and gripped it tightly; maybe what he hoped for wouldn't happen after all. He could barely stand it.

"Alright, see you," he said, turning toward the door, avoiding his eyes.

"Wait," he said hurriedly, and the blond's heart seemed to stop at that moment. "Hmm, do you... have something to do later?" he said, scratching his neck. "I mean, my shift ends in about twenty minutes. We could go grab something. If you want, of course."

Ricky thought he'd burst with joy right then. He could barely contain himself. He turned and looked at him with eyes full of a special sparkle.

"I'd love to."

They both exchanged smiles loaded with happiness. Staring at each other like idiots. Cinthia rolled her eyes with a grimace of annoyance and headed elsewhere. Megan laughed a little watching the whole scene.

Gyuvin led Ricky into the small room behind the counter and told him to wait there, sitting, for a few more minutes until his shift ended. He obeyed. It was quite uncomfortable, truthfully, to be there alone waiting. Every few minutes, one of the three would enter to wrap some order. The brunette eyed him up and down with contempt, which was quite intimidating; the blonde gave him some friendly smiles; Gyuvin, well, he told him some funny jokes every time they met.

Once those endless minutes had passed, the three teenagers entered the room.

"I'll change first; I'm in a hurry," Megan said.

One by one, they entered the bathroom to shed their work uniforms and put on regular, warm clothes due to the freezing weather outside.

Once outside the store, the manager proceeded to close up. They said goodbye and took different paths, just like last time.

"Shall we go?" 

"Yes."

Ricky was very nervous. They were alone again, just perfection in person and him.

They walked side by side. Ricky followed Gyuvin's steps as best he could. He was quite surprised when he realized they were heading toward the mall exit. Sure enough, they left it. He decided not to ask questions and just followed him. They walked past the parking lot and along the sidewalk in front of the square there. Suddenly, Gyuvin stopped and Ricky did so too.

"Is this place okay with you?"

Ricky noticed it was a well-known café that had been there for several years. The place had a great reputation, and the atmosphere seemed nice. He would have agreed to any place Gyuvin chose, though.

"Yes."

They entered. Ricky looked at absolutely everything around him. Though as striking as all the new objects were, Gyuvin would always be the most beautiful and striking to him. They took seats in two facing chairs by the window, from which they could see the square and set their coats and the small plastic bag aside. 

The place's lighting was dim, not excessive and blinding like the mall's nor was there a large crowd. It was a very comfortable and cozy spot. Ricky was grateful for that. Gyuvin took one of the menus and began reading the list.

"I think I'll get a medium coffee and two muffins. One chocolate and one strawberry. What about you?" he asked smiling.

"The same."

"Are you sure? You don’t want something else?"

"No."

"Alright."

A friendly waitress approached them after a few minutes and took the order. Gyuvin handled ordering.

"It'll be ready in a few minutes."

"Thanks," Gyuvin responded cordially.

Once the woman walked away, he let out a big yawn, covering it with his hand. The older took the opportunity to try starting a conversation.

"Are you sleepy?" he asked quite shyly.

"Yeah, that's why I ordered coffee. We stayed up late last night playing PUBG with Taerae and the guys. I was so bad at it."

"The guys?" he asked curiously, with something that seemed like a bit of jealousy.

"Yeah, we met at Jiwoong's house. His place is huge. It was supposed to be a guys' night, but Jiwoong’s boyfriend came. I have nothing against him, I swear, it's just that he doesn’t really like the type of games we play and gets bored most of the time. Oh, I was annoyed for another reason though. Gunwook had my favorite Pink Floyd record for almost six months, and when he finally returned it, I noticed it was scratched on a couple of songs. Obviously, he said it wasn’t his fault. But whatever, I'm not going to fight with one of my best friends over something material."

Ricky was always amazed by the way Gyuvin talked about his friendships. It was clear he truly appreciated them a lot. He felt a bit bad knowing Gyuvin would never talk about him like that with someone else. After all, there was nothing interesting to say about him. He was even surprised that he wasn't embarrassed to be seen with him.

"Here you go. Enjoy," the waitress interrupted.

"Thank you very much."

They started eating their muffins and occasionally sipping their hot drinks. They were silent while eating, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. They exchanged some trivial comments as usual. Every now and then, Ricky would lift his gaze to watch Gyuvin eat, just to admire him. More than once, he met the boy's gaze, who watched him smiling, making him immediately avert his eyes elsewhere, embarrassed.

"Do you live far from here?" he asked once they'd finished their order, looking through the glass and seeing it had gotten dark. It was late autumn. The days seemed shorter due to the little sunlight.

"Not really."

"Can I walk you home?" Ricky swallowed.

"Sure. If you want."

"Here's your bill," the woman said, interrupting once more.

Ricky reached into his pocket, trying to find money, but Gyuvin caught his attention.

"Don't you dare!" he warned. "I invited you, so I'll pay."

"But..."

"I won't take no for an answer."

The blond fidgeted nervously with his fingers, having to accept that Gyuvin would pay for him. That made him kind of uncomfortable.

Gyuvin thanked the employee, and together with Ricky, they left the place. The temperature had dropped noticeably. It was very cold. Very few people were wandering around. 

Luckily, both were well bundled up. Ricky had his gray beanie on, and Gyuvin a pair of black gloves. They crossed the street and began crossing the square, but Gyuvin stopped. Ricky did too and watched him attentively. The day had fully darkened. The streetlamps were on, creating a luminous halo around them due to the soft mist. Gyuvin looked at the completely black sky and watched the tiny snowflakes fall.

"Nights in London are beautiful, don't you think?"

"Yes," he answered, though he wasn't exactly appreciating the beauty of the night.

"Tell me, Ricky, what's your favorite season of the year?" he said, now looking at him with a smile drawn on those thin lips.

Ricky thought for a few moments. Truthfully, the seasons didn't matter to him. He lived locked in his house all year because of his stupid phobia. The only thing that changed was the clothes he had to wear for therapy or family lunches. But he met Gyuvin in autumn, reason enough for that to be his favorite season.

"Autumn."

"Mine too! Know why?" he smiled even more.

"No."

Then the younger pointed to the leaves scattered on the ground around the trees.

"Ever since I was a little kid, I've loved playing with dry leaves," he said, walking on the grass and leaves on the ground while gesturing for Ricky to come closer. "These are a bit damp, so they don't make much noise when stepped on, but it's one of my favorite things. I know it sounds stupid, but it's true."

Gyuvin looked around, making sure no one was watching them, and shook the tree hard, causing many of its dry leaves to detach and fall slowly along with the soft snowfall. Piling up at their feet. He crouched down and grabbed several of the freshly fallen leaves and threw them at Ricky. The blond quickly covered himself. Gyuvin laughed a little.

"Relax. They won't hurt you."

Ricky stopped covering himself with his arms and noticed the leaves falling on him in a totally harmless way.

"I wouldn't hurt you," he said now in a more serious tone.

Ricky swallowed and decided to join the game. After all, he was sharing one of his favorite things with him, and that made him feel special.

He grabbed a large handful of leaves from the ground and threw them at Gyuvin. Gyuvin did the same. And just like that, in seconds, they'd started a kind of leaf war. Both began breathing heavily from exhaustion but didn't wipe the smiles from their faces, letting out amused laughs. 

Ricky was having more fun than ever, but he took a bad step, tripping over a rock and falling on top of Gyuvin. Gyuvin ended up lying on a soft mattress of leaves, motionless, with Ricky on top of him. Ricky got really worried, seeing him with his eyes closed and no expression on his face. He gently shook his shoulders to make him react, but nothing happened. He was starting to get really scared.

"Gyuvin?" he said, extremely worried, slowly approaching his face.

"Boo!" he shouted at the same time as he opened his eyes when he felt Ricky's breath close enough to his face.

"Ahhh!" he exclaimed, jumping back and falling onto the pile of leaves.

Gyuvin laughed loudly.

"I'm sorry," he said, unable to stop laughing.

"You scared me!" he shouted, throwing a large handful of leaves at him. He tried to look annoyed, but truthfully, he couldn't recover from the fright.

"I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I couldn't resist," he said smiling after the impact with the soft leaves. "Don't be mad. Please," he pleaded, making a small pout.

Ricky sighed. He couldn't be mad at Gyuvin. Even if he was an idiot. Truthfully, Ricky loved when Gyuvin acted like an idiot. Ricky loved every little thing about Gyuvin. Ricky loved Gyuvin.

"I'm not mad," he murmured.

"Thanks. Come on," he said, standing up and extending his hand to Ricky to help him up. "If we stay on the ground, we'll get our clothes wet and catch a cold. We don't want that, right?"

"No," he said somewhat hesitantly before finally taking Gyuvin's hand. His heart beat hard even without directly touching his hand.

Both shook off their butts to remove traces of dust and dirt. And they continued their path through the square. Ricky led the way this time since Gyuvin didn't know the direction to his house. The younger could see the blond boy had taken his hands out of his coat pockets and held them in fists in front of his face, trying to warm them with his breath.

"Ricky," he said, stopping his march, making the other imitate him and look at him. "Here," he said, taking off his black gloves and holding them out for him to take. "Put them on."

The blond looked at the gloves and then at Gyuvin with a furrowed brow.

"No." It was the first time Ricky had refused one of his requests.

"Come on, take them."

"No."

"Ricky, please. Take them. Your hands must be freezing."

"No. You'll be cold."

"That doesn't matter."

Ricky, hearing that, crossed his arms and put an annoyed expression on his face. Not like the one in the square. A truly annoyed one. Gyuvin couldn't bear the idea of him being mad at him.

"Seriously, Ricky. I don't want you to be cold," he said in a pleading tone.

"I don't want you to be cold."

They stood there for a few moments. Staring at each other fixedly, shivering from the cold. Neither seemed willing to give in to the other. But every minute, the night got colder and darker. They had to reach an agreement.

"Would you hold my hand?" he asked softly but shyly.

"What?" he asked in the same way.

"We each put on one glove, and with our free hand, we hold the other's to keep warm," Gyuvin seemed a bit nervous. "I mean... It's the only solution I can think of. It's dark; no one will notice. What do you say?"

"Alright," he responded nervously after moments that seemed endless to the younger.

Gyuvin clumsily took off his right glove and handed it to Ricky, who took it trembling partly from nerves and partly from cold. They each put it on the corresponding hand, and Gyuvin held out his hand for him to take. Ricky swallowed hard from nerves and brought his trembling hand close until he took Gyuvin's. They pressed their hands softly on the other's to try to retain as much warmth as possible. 

Gyuvin smiled, and Ricky returned the smile shyly. They resumed the walk, but now more silently than before. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Quite the opposite. Words were unnecessary at that moment. As if the only thing that mattered in the world was feeling the warmth of the other's touch on their hand, feeling their soft skin, the brush of their fingers. 

They stayed like that with hundreds of thoughts wandering through their heads. Ricky simply couldn't believe he was walking hand in hand with Gyuvin, the same boy he couldn't get out of his head. It was like one of those scenes from the romantic movies his mother sometimes watched, only this was real. 

After walking the whole way, Ricky stopped at some black gates leading to a white house with a blue roof, very pretty. He sighed, pressing Gyuvin's hand hard and then slowly releasing the grip, making both feel every small brush. He opened the gate door with his key but didn't enter the front yard.

"Thanks," he said, wanting to avert his gaze but making an effort to maintain eye contact, remembering that's what Gyuvin wanted. "Thanks for walking me home." Gyuvin smiled.

"You're welcome, Ricky. It was a pleasure. Thanks to you for coming with me to the café." The older shook his head a little, smiling until his eye smile showed, making him bit his lower lip. "Ricky..." he said seriously, making him look at him the same way. Staying still for a few seconds. Gyuvin was about to say something more when suddenly...

"Ricky!!"

A desperate shout was heard after the front door opened, and the woman ran to the black gates leading to the street. She hugged her son with all her strength, her face covered by her hair, Ricky's face on her chest. Her son said absolutely nothing; after all, his mother was the only person he allowed that kind of human contact. Well, almost the only one.

"You had me so worried!!" she said with her voice still desperate, unable to help it; her eyes were glassy. "Don't ever scare me like that again!!"

"Please don't be mad at him. It was my fault," he said guiltily upon seeing the scene and the mess he'd gotten him into.

Ricky's mom hadn't even noticed there was someone else there. She lifted her gaze, resting her eyes on Gyuvin, who watched her with remorse. Ricky separated from her on his own and stood looking at the ground like a child who'd just been scolded. Ricky's mom knew perfectly who that boy was, but she pretended not to.

"And who are you...?"

"I’m Gyuvin," he cleared his throat from nerves. "Kim Gyuvin. I'm a friend of Ricky." Ricky looked at him directly upon hearing those words. Gyuvin had called himself his friend. "I'm so sorry for bringing him back so late. It won't happen again. Please don't be mad at him," he asked again.

Ricky's mom sighed.

"Make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry. So, you're not mad at Ricky?" he asked expectantly.

Ricky's mom laughed a little. That boy exuded so much charisma in his way of being. He talked a lot, and she found it cute how much he cared about her son.

"No, Gyuvin. I'm not mad at Ricky."

"Did you hear that?!" he said, looking at Ricky with the biggest smile.

Ricky wanted to suppress a small laugh but failed completely. His mother couldn't be happier about that. Gyuvin had that ability to gain trust easily. He could lighten the atmosphere no matter how tense it was.

"Alright, I think it's time for me to go. It's late for me too," he said, scratching his neck. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Shen. A pleasure to meet you. See you, Ricky," he said, turning around and starting to walk.

"Gyuvin!" he exclaimed quickly, making both him and his mother look at him. He approached him while taking off the glove from his hand and handing it to him.

"Oh. Thanks. I almost forgot," he said, taking it and putting it on. "Though," he leaned a bit toward Ricky's ear, "I think your hand is even warmer than the glove," he whispered and gave him a beautiful smile before leaving.

Ricky stood there with his mouth slightly open, watching him go.

Ricky's mom watched him with a furrowed brow.

"Son, come in. It's cold." But Ricky only entered after Gyuvin disappeared into the night's darkness. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Alright. You can skip dinner today if you want."

"I'm sorry for coming back late." He felt guilty, yes. But he didn't regret anything.

Once in his room, after storing his CD for the day, Ricky lay on his bed without stopping looking at his hand. Trying to keep the feel of Gyuvin's hand on it present in his memory. His words went back and forth in his head. Every moment of that afternoon played like a movie, over and over.

"I guess this is what they call being in love," he thought before falling asleep.

After another long week of waiting, Ricky went to the mall. This time during lunch hour because Gyuvin had told him last week to come eat with him.

Ricky entered the store and, to his surprise, Gyuvin was talking animatedly with a boy. He looked so excited, like when he talked to him. He thought he was special to Gyuvin, and seeing he wasn't the only one he treated that way somehow hurt. He intended to leave the place, run away, and distance himself from the whole scene. But finally, he decided to approach them fearfully. But Gyuvin didn't see him approaching and headed to the storage room. Ricky reached the boy, watching him, who returned the gaze upon seeing Ricky standing beside him.

"Hmm? You must be Ricky," he said with a smile. Ricky parted his mouth and clenched his fists. How did that boy know his name? "Gyuvin has told me a lot about you." Ricky's heart began beating hard. "I'm Gunwook," he introduced himself, extending his arm to shake with Ricky's, but without getting any response from him. "Oh, right. I forgot you were a bit shy."

Ricky couldn't believe it. He no longer felt bad. He was one of Gyuvin's childhood friends he'd talked about. But the most surprising thing was that he'd told him about him. He'd said his name, that he was shy, and who knows how many more things. He never thought he'd talk about him with others. After all, Gyuvin was great, fun, sociable; Gyuvin was perfect, and he was just... him. There was no reason to tell anyone about him, since he wasn't interesting at all, and yet Gyuvin had done it.

"Ricky!" he said enthusiastically upon seeing he'd arrived on his brief trip to the storage. "Good to see you. Well, I see you've met. He's Gunwook; he rarely says anything coherent, so don't mind him," he joked.

"Hey!" he complained. Ricky smiled.

"Here it is. This is the one you want, right?" placing on the counter a beautiful guitar he had in his hand.

"Yes. This is it. Isn't it the most beautiful guitar you've ever seen in your life?"

"I still think it's too much money to spend on a guitar."

Ricky then looked at the paper hanging from it with the price written and opened his eyes widely. It was a guitar from the best brand on the music market. 

"It's my Christmas gift for my good grades; don't bother me. Here, charge it to this card," he said, handing him a credit card.

While Gyuvin processed the purchase, Gunwook didn't take his eyes off Ricky, who was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Gyuvin said you were really cute, but I never thought he was right."

Ricky took a quick breath, freezing, and Gyuvin stood open-mouthed, not knowing what to do. In his distraction, Gunwook's credit card fell to the floor; he crouched to pick it up and tried to swipe it through the POS for the purchase. He had at least three failed attempts before successfully swiping the card.

"I think someone got nervous," he said with a mischievous smile.

"Gunwook, shut your goddamn mouth. Here's your stupid card," he said annoyed with clumsy movements and a slight carmine color on his cheeks. Gunwook began laughing heartily.

Ricky simply couldn't believe it. He'd never seen Gyuvin react that way. Nervous, embarrassed, responding like that, and with such clumsy movements. It was how Ricky usually reacted, not Gyuvin. He never thought Gyuvin, as confident as he was, felt that way sometimes too. But that wasn't the most important thing. Had he really said that about him? Just thinking about it made a small smile draw on his face.

"Do you need anything else?"

"Looks like someone's anxious for me to leave," he said amused once more, being shot a glare by his friend. "No, that's all for now," taking the bag with the large and expensive guitar inside its box. "See you tonight; tell your mom to make brownies—hers are the best in the city. Bye, Ricky, it was nice to meet you. Don't forget to congratulate Gyuvin," he shouted as he left the place.

"Congratulate?" he asked confused, looking toward the door the man had just crossed and then directing a gaze at Gyuvin as he frowned.

Gyuvin sighed.

"Finally! He's gone. Lunchtime."

They walked to the room behind the counter, Ricky still confused and nervous about that blond boy's words. He followed Gyuvin's steps to the small kitchen there. Once they stopped, Gyuvin turned to look fixedly at Ricky with a small smile.

"I got in. I received an acceptance letter from my dream university the other day."

Ricky stood open-mouthed, not knowing what to say. He didn't even know had applied to a university, and finding out so suddenly was like a bucket of cold water. When Ricky snapped out of his astonishment, he looked at the floor with a small pout on his lips.

"If I had known beforehand, I would’ve bought you something to celebrate" he said embarrassed.

Gyuvin thought he'd die of cuteness right then. Ricky had no idea how adorable he could be.

"Don't worry about that. It's fine. You don't have to buy me anything. Besides, who buys a gift just because of an acceptance letter?"

Ricky seemed to ignore his words. But suddenly, he seemed to have an idea. He took the gray beanie covering his head with both hands and held it out to Gyuvin with his hands trembling.

"I can't accept it," he quickly shook his head.

"You don’t like it?" he said, distressed.

"Of course I like it! I've liked it since the first time I saw you with it."

"Take it. It's your gift."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Gyuvin couldn't resist any request from Ricky. With trembling hands, those puppy eyes were staring at him as he kind of ruined his hairstyle little by little from taking off the beanie. He approached him slowly, taking the beanie, brushing their hands. 

He got a bit closer and raised his arms, subtly wrapping Ricky's arms and back as he rested his head on Ricky’s shoulder, looking in the direction opposite the blond’s neck. 

Ricky froze, unable to return the hug. No one outside his family had ever hugged him, and even then, it had been very few occasions. He hated contact with others. But Gyuvin was so gentle, conveyed so much tranquility and trust despite being hyperactive and shouting all the time. Physical contact with Gyuvin hadn't bothered him from the start. Not only didn't it bother him. He liked it. He liked it a lot. Gyuvin separated from him, watching him with a huge smile.

"Thank you so much, Ricky. I love my gift," he said while with his fingers arranging the locks of hair the hat had messed up. "It smells like you. I guess that counts as an extra gift," he laughed.

The blond boy felt like dying. Every touch from Gyuvin sent thousands of electric waves throughout his body. Making him shiver with simple and delicate touches. He felt like a feline melting in its owner's caresses.

"Come on."

They headed to the table with the chairs. Once the older sat, Gyuvin told him to wait a moment. He went to the fridge and returned with a fairly large container. Opening it revealed a generous amount of brownies inside.

"These are 'the best brownies in the city' according to Gunwook," he quoted sarcastically. "It's not that big a deal. But they are truly delicious. I'd love for you to try them. Look," he said, handing him one of the portions on a small plate. "This one has your name on it. It's the only one I decorated myself."

Ricky looked at his brownie. It said his name in quite pretty handwriting. He couldn't help but smile. The other portions only had congratulation messages or drawings and other stuff. Feeling special made him feel alive. Not feeling special for acting like an idiot with people, but feeling special in a beautiful way thanks to someone, thanks to Gyuvin.

"And what would a party be without this?!" he said animatedly, taking two small candles from a small bag.

“It’s not your birthday, though?” Ricky laughed.

“Who cares!!”

He placed them on top of his brownie portion, making sure they didn't fall. He took a lighter and lit both candles. He stared at them for a long time.

"You know? It feels a bit strange blowing out the candles without someone singing that stupid happy birthday song first," he laughed a little.

“Still not your birthday.”

“I still don't care.”

Singing. Ricky felt a bit guilty about that. He started fidgeting with his fingers, nervous, biting his lip and squirming uncomfortably in his seat. Maybe if he did what was going through his mind right then, it would cheer Gyuvin up. There was a high probability he'd ruin everything, though. But as in every occasion involving Gyuvin, Ricky ignored his mind and just let himself be carried by what he felt at that moment.

"Happy birthday to you..." he began murmuring slowly with a slight melodic tone. He stared fixedly at an indefinite point on the table. He felt Gyuvin's gaze nailed on him.

He finished the song and didn't dare look at Gyuvin. For the first time in his entire life he'd sung a song, no matter how short or stupid it was.

"I can't believe you did that for me," Ricky lifted his gaze, meeting an expression of emotion across Gyuvin's entire face. "The best gifts aren't always material objects. Thank you so much, Ricky. Really."

"You have to make a wish," he said with a shy smile, pointing to the still-lit candles.

The younger looked at the pair of candles for a few seconds, then looked at Ricky and, without taking his eyes off him, leaned in and blew until the tiny flames went out, leaving behind a small halo of smoke fading in the air.

Ricky was truly curious about what kind of wish he'd made, but he knew perfectly the myth that if you say it, it won't come true. He took the small spoon, scooping a piece of the brownie. He tasted it, and it was simply the most delicious thing he'd ever tried.

"Gunwook was right," he said after finishing his portion.

"About what?"

"They’re the best in the city."

Ricky arrived home that afternoon. With the usual plastic bag with the CD inside, like every Saturday. With his hair quite tousled from the wind on the streets.

"Hi, sweetheart," his mother greeted sweetly. "I'm glad you got back early. I'm making tea. Want some?"

"Sure," he responded while wiping his feet on the entry rug and taking off his coat. His mother furrowed her brow.

"Ricky," he looked at her. "Where's your beanie?"

The boy swallowed somewhat nervously.

"Gyuvin," he said, averting his gaze.

"Did Gyuvin take it from you?"

Ricky shook his head quickly and hurried to speak.

"I gave it to him. I wanted to give him a gift."

"Oh, I see. That's very sweet of you," she said with a wide smile, though she was more than surprised. "I'll buy you another one." 

"How are you feeling today?" Hanbin asked, making apparent scribbles in his notebook like every Friday.

Ricky thought for a few seconds.

"Good."

The doctor just nodded, continuing his notes. It was a routine question; repeating it session after session helped him see signs of change. For years, he'd gotten only a shrug from Ricky for that question, but a couple of sessions ago, he'd started talking more and saying he felt good.

He remembered what his mom had told him about Ricky's first time gifting something to someone and decided to try getting him to talk about it.

"Tell me, Ricky, have you tried doing something new in the last few days? You know, there's always a first time for everything. Something that, I don't know, you'd never dared before."

Ricky stayed silent for a long time. Hanbin could see he had something to say; whenever that happened, the last thing on his mind was to pressure him to speak.

"Sing," he said after a few minutes.

"Sing? Wow, that's definitely something new. It's a nice hobby, isn't it? You must have a beautiful voice."

After the session, Ricky's mom shared her concerns with Hanbin because Ricky had slightly lowered his grades.

"That's totally normal. Stop worrying," he reassured her. "Not only is it normal, but it's good. Look, Ricky had nothing else to think about, so he dedicated full time to his studies, but if he's no longer giving them all his attention now, it means there's something he's more interested in. It's typical teenage behavior. Did you hear that? It's something everyone does. The way Ricky isn't the exception is very, very good. You should be happy about that."

"I think you're right, but you know. I can't help worrying."

"Don't apologize; that's what I'm here for. By the way, Mrs. Shen," Hanbin interrupted her a second before she left the room. "Do you know anything about a song?"

Ricky simply couldn't believe it. His face had lit up so much upon crossing that store door, without even being aware of it. His gaze had nailed on that beautiful boy's figure like every Saturday. But this time something had changed, something that made him immensely happy. Gyuvin, the definition of perfection, was wearing the gray beanie he'd gifted him a week ago as he was arranging some messy papers on the counter. 

He always seemed so carefree, as if being in a good mood was the most common and ordinary thing for him. Ricky approached him without being able to contain a stupid lovesick smile. He thought that was, maybe, the right moment for him to break the ice with a joke this time.

"Nice beanie," he said, unable to avoid a bit of shyness in his comment.

The deer-like eyes, the most beautiful he had ever seen, met his. As always, the world seemed to disappear around them.

"Thanks. Someone important to me gave it to me."

Ricky couldn't resist the tenderness in his face and voice. Why did he have to be so soothing in everything he did?

"Come on. There's hot chocolate in the kitchen."

Once in the kitchen, both held large mugs of hot chocolate in their hands. It tasted delicious. Gyuvin was sitting on the counter, legs dangling; Ricky, on the other hand, was in a chair. Gyuvin liked to tilt his mug quite a bit so that a chocolate mark stayed above his lip, as if he had a mustache, and then licked it just to see how much Ricky enjoyed watching him do that.

"You know..." he said, breaking the comfortable silence. "I felt like wearing the beanie from the moment you gave it to me. But since it's not part of the store uniform, well, it might get me in trouble. But I talked to Mr. Smith midweek and he said there was no problem."

"I’m glad that you liked it."

"You..." he said but cut himself off quickly, taking another sip of the thick, sweet liquid.

"What?"

Gyuvin barely shook his head, a small smile and his gaze down.

Then the harmonious silence from moments ago tensed a bit.

A few minutes passed in silence until they finished the chocolate. To both's surprise, Ricky was the one who broke the silence.

"Dr. Sung says I've improved a lot."

The younger furrowed his brow subtly, set his mug aside, and focused on every word from the curly-haired boy.

"Who is he?" he asked as disinterestedly as possible.

"My therapist."

Alright. This could be interpreted as a before and after in his relationship with Ricky. For the first time since meeting him, he felt like he was confiding something really personal. Something important to him. He was very happy about that. As expected, Gyuvin didn't pressure him to talk about it.

"Three months ago," he took quite a bit of air when speaking, since speaking in quantity wasn't something he was used to, but with Gyuvin everything flowed more freely, "I barely spoke. Barely a couple of brief and ultimately necessary words a day– a week. But that changed. Thanks to you."

Gyuvin's heart beat fast with pure joy.

"I'm sure the credit is yours, Ricky."

"No!" He raised his voice slightly, surprising Gyuvin. "Really. I'd like to know if there's a way I could thank you."

Gyuvin could only watch him with a totally moved gaze. He could see the sincerity in his eyes. Looking directly into his eyes was like baring his soul. Every word coming from deep in his heart. What he was about to ask him was crazy.

"There is something."

"Tell me what it is," he pleaded.

Gyuvin bit his lip and pushed away stupid thoughts from his mind that shouldn't be there.

"My favorite song."

"I don't understand."

"Remember the expensive guitar Gunwook bought on Christmas Eve?"

"Yes."

"Well, he already had a guitar before. So now he has two guitars. And the last few days, he's been teaching me how to use it. He even lends me his old guitar to take home and practice. Do you know the song 'Everything' by The Black Skirts?"

"Yes."

"It's my favorite song. I've been practicing a lot and will keep doing it. But if there's something that would really make me happy, it's if you sang it with me."

Ricky watched him with extremely wide eyes.

"I... don't think I can," he squirmed uncomfortably.

"Of course you can. If what you want is to thank me for something you're convinced I did, that's the right way."

"Would we sing it together?"

"From beginning to end. Together."

Ricky thought about it for a long time. A nervous shiver ran down his spine. That without a doubt had to be the most complex thing anyone had ever asked of him. He trembled a little. The idea of not being able to do it was always present in his mind; it didn't leave him calm. But on the other hand, he heard an echo. A voice of conscience sweetly telling him he could do it. That he wouldn't disappoint Gyuvin. That he could make him proud of him. Thank him for everything he'd done by fulfilling his request. He took a big, huge, amount of air.

"I'll do it," he said exhaling and with his eyes closed, trying to assimilate what he'd just said.

"You will?" he asked with his face radiant with joy.

Ricky, seeing his expression, knew that no matter how hard it was for him to achieve it, he'd made the right decision.

"Yes."

"I can't believe it! Thank you so much!" He jumped off the counter. "I'm not very good yet, but I'll get better, I promise. I'll practice for hours if necessary. It'll be my challenge for next year. By the way... Happy New Year, Ricky! I know I'm getting ahead, but, you know."

Ricky bit his lip while smiling at seeing the euphoria in Gyuvin. His excitement was palpable. He was worried because he wasn't sure he could do it, but Gyuvin kept repeating over and over that he too had to practice. He'd take it as an act of self-improvement. One they'd do together. For themselves and for each other.

"Happy New Year, Gyuvin."

Ricky let out a long and heavy sigh before entering the store that day. No one could predict what would happen. Long sessions practicing singing while alone in his house. Fits of frustration. Stomach aches from nerves. Loss of sleep. Sometimes he felt like he was out of his mind for trying this, but immediately he remembered Gyuvin's happy face, and what it would mean to him, and it seemed the thing with the most sense in the world.

He spotted Gyuvin helping a customer. He waited for him to finish his task and greeted him.

"Do you still want to do it?" he asked. His expression had a smile, but no genius was needed to know he'd crumble if he got a no in response.

"Yes," he said somewhat shyly. It wasn't time to back out.

Gyuvin smiled, biting his lower lip. Trying to hide part of his huge happiness.

"Come on," he said, taking his hand softly and starting to pull him without being brusque.

They didn't enter the small room behind the counter as usual. Instead, they headed to the back. To a storage room. Full of huge cardboard boxes that were piled in order, one on top of the other and organized by instrument type and different brands and sizes. It was a huge place. Gyuvin closed the door upon entering and locked it.

"This way we can be calm without anyone bothering us. I chose this place because it's very spacious and quiet. The walls are very thick, so sounds from the other side can't be heard and vice versa."

Ricky paid attention, and it was true. The whole atmosphere had gone completely silent. The mall's bustle was no longer heard. Not even faintly.

"I also asked Megan and Cinthia as a favor to cover for me longer today. So we can enjoy the moment. You know, without rushing."

Ricky smiled. Truthfully, Gyuvin was putting a lot of effort into this. He followed him to a pair of facing chairs further ahead in the storage. Next to one of the chairs leaned a beige and brown guitar, somewhat worn from use. He assumed it must be Gunwook's old guitar. Gyuvin took it in his hands, sat in the chair, and positioned it on his lap. Ricky sat in front of him. He had his hands gripped on his knees and was trembling a little. He didn't want to ruin everything.

"Relax," Gyuvin's harmonious voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "You'll do great. Trust me."

The older barely nodded, still quite nervous.

"Let me check everything's in order for a moment."

He stroked a couple of strings with his thin and slender fingers, barely playing a few chords. Gyuvin was very nervous but showed confidence to convey that feeling to Ricky so he wouldn't be so tense.

"Alright. Are you ready?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes," he said and quickly ran his tongue over his lips so they wouldn't be dry; this action didn't go unnoticed by the younger, who imitated the gesture in the same way.

Gyuvin cracked his knuckles, cleared his throat and began playing the guitar. Soft and smooth chords formed a beautiful acoustic melody. Ricky swallowed. Strangely, the atmosphere relaxed him. He'd never been so isolated from the world with someone else, he was always in his bubble of thoughts, alone. But now it was different. Peace and calmness in its purest form, shared with Gyuvin. With his favorite person. His Gyuvin.

You are my everything.

My everything.

Both shuddered upon hearing each other singing together. The song was really slow, so every word that left their lips was charged with so much emotion. It was incredible how they coordinated without even trying. Ricky's deep voice fused with Gyuvin's. Was there anything more opposite than them? But opposites attract. The contrast in their voice tones was something incredible. They started singing the song without looking at each other, Gyuvin focused on the strings, concentrating, as Ricky focused on the floor, trying to understand and sort out so many new emotions.

A small guitar solo came in. Both lifted their gaze at that moment, meeting the other's gaze. From that moment, they couldn't tear their eyes away for the rest of the song.

On rainy days

We will lay down and speak not a single word

When we face our closed eyes to each other

Everything will become ours

The song became more passionate every second. They put more emphasis on every line. As if the whole world was judging their way of singing at that moment. But no. They were just singing to each other.

At times when you would come looking for me with a pale face

And sometimes you would suprise me with your cheeky stories

Gyuvin couldn't believe what was happening. Ricky's expressions singing from deep in his soul and with all his strength. His lips moving quickly, all the gestures on his face, his voice hitting every note precisely like a professional; he'd swear he saw a vein marked on his neck, he even used his hands unable to contain the emotion.

Ricky had left his fears behind. Fear didn't exist when Gyuvin was with him. The fear of being judged, of failing, all that faded when he merged into that pair of eyes. He always knew Gyuvin was perfection in person. But hearing him sing left no doubt.

The adrenaline itself made Gyuvin stand up without stopping playing the melody. Ricky imitated him almost instantly. The song was a ballad and thus they must be looking like fools at that moment, but none of them care. 

They took short steps, approaching, without breaking eye contact at any moment.

You are my everything

My everything, my everything

You're my everything

My everything, everything

They ended up singing centimeters apart. Indescribable the sensation running through both their veins at that moment. The song had finished. The last chords were heard, and that was it.

Ricky's chest rose and fell hard. Both inhaled and exhaled heavily, trying to realize what had really just happened. That magical atmosphere created just for them. They could notice the sparkle in each other's eyes from the emotion.

Gyuvin crouched slowly, setting the guitar aside on the floor and straightening up again to stay connected with Ricky's gaze. They felt like two damn magnets, unable to look away. They didn't want to. They couldn't.

Gyuvin raised his arms to Ricky's waist level, wrapping him tightly in a warm hug filled with feeling. Even more than the last one. And this time it was different. Gyuvin rested his head in the space between Ricky's shoulder and neck, his nose brushing his soft skin. Ricky could feel Gyuvin's breath on his neck, and his only reflex was to return the hug. Clinging with his large hands to the younger's back, wrinkling the fabric of his uniform a bit.

"Thank you so much, Ricky." Electric shocks ran through every millimeter of skin upon hearing those words whispered so clearly near his ear. "Thanks for singing my favorite song with me. Thanks for everything."

"I..." he swallowed hard due to the lump in his throat. "I'm the one who's grateful to you. Thank you, Gyuvin. You made me see everything I was capable of."

Even though Ricky couldn't see Gyuvin's face at that moment, he knew he was smiling.

After a few seconds, Gyuvin separated his face from Ricky but kept the hug.

They were so close. And their gazes said a thousand things their lips silenced.

Gyuvin raised one hand and placed it softly on Ricky's face, brushing his cheek very delicately with his thumb.

He felt like he was caressing the most beautiful and fine porcelain of a work of art. Everything about Ricky was so different. Not because of his peculiarities in speaking, but because of what he conveyed when someone was near him. Something pure, pristine, innocent.

Ricky scrutinized with his large eyes every detail on the boy's face while all the sensations in his body gathered in his cheek under Gyuvin's warm touch.

Gyuvin began bringing his face closer to Ricky's static body. He did it torturously slow. Without breaking eye contact at any moment except once to give a fleeting glance at Ricky's pink lips.

The older saw him approaching, and far from his mind was the idea of pulling away. He got so close that a couple of centimeters was all that marked the distance between their lips. Their noses brushed, and they felt the other's warm breath on their mouth.

But Gyuvin stopped. Biting his lower lip hard. He averted his face to the side, toward Ricky's cheek where he didn't have his hand placed, closed his eyes tightly, and planted a long kiss near the corner of the older's lips.

Ricky closed his eyes too, letting himself be carried by all the emotions Gyuvin's kiss conveyed to him. It was something warm, more like his heart burning in his chest. It burned. But it felt good. Gyuvin's lips on his skin. They stayed like that for a few seconds until slowly Gyuvin broke the kiss, looking back into his eyes, always keeping the hug they'd started a while ago. The older slowly pulled away from his body, letting his hands drag lightly along Ricky's arms in a barely perceptible brush.

"You sing beautifully," Gyuvin finally whispered, tucking a curl away from Ricky's face.

"I could say the same," he spoke in a low voice, embarrassed by the compliment, and bit his lip.

Everything had been so unreal. So perfect. Like a dream.

"We should go back," he said with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"Yes," he said, averting his gaze.

Gyuvin picked up the guitar from the floor and set it on one of the chairs.

They headed to the storage exit and then to the sales area as usual.

"Here's your change," he said, handing him a bill and a couple of coins after Ricky gave him the money to pay for that day's CD. Gyuvin barely caressed Ricky's hand with his fingertips when giving him the money. "See you soon."

"Yes," he smiled a bit embarrassed, taking the bag with the package inside and turning around.

"Ricky, wait!" he hurried to say, making Ricky turn immediately toward him. He couldn't explain the damn bitter taste invading him at that moment, or maybe he could, but he didn't want to.

The older took a few steps back until he was in front of Gyuvin again.

"Yes?"

"Will you come next Saturday?"

Ricky was surprised by the question. He'd been going to the store every single Saturday for the last three months.

"I will."

Gyuvin shook his head slightly. He looked worried, and Ricky couldn't understand why.

"Promise me," he furrowed his brow. "Just... I need you to promise you'll come."

Ricky tried to deduce what was afflicting Gyuvin so suddenly, but unable to even imagine it, he limited himself to trying to calm him, to bring him back to normal. To the happy Gyuvin without worries.

"I promise to come back next Saturday, Gyuvin," he said in his sweetest and most sincere tone.

The younger sighed and seemed relieved. But in his beautiful deer-like eyes what seemed like fear still lingered.

"Thanks," he said, trying to give his best smile.

Ricky, on his part, dedicated him his most beautiful angelic smile to the point his eye smile showed notably.

Gyuvin watched him walk away. Just before leaving through that door, he turned, giving him one last small smile drawn on his childlike face. He felt good, but he couldn't shake that damn pressure in his chest.

The following seven days were eternal for Gyuvin. Every minute. He couldn't get Ricky out of his mind. Everything that had happened. He had to be prepared for whatever was going to happen. He straightened his navy blue uniform, placed the gray beanie Ricky had gifted him on his straight hair, and headed to the mall.

"You're early," the manager said with the keys in his hands, starting to open the store for the day's shift.

"Yeah, I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep," he said with a little laugh. Truthfully, he'd barely been able to sleep during the night.

The workday started. Gyuvin tried to keep himself as busy as possible to push away all thoughts related to Ricky, but it was useless. Every human figure entering the store, he saw immediately, hoping it was him. But it wasn't.

Lunchtime had long passed, and he hadn't appeared. He was hungry, yes. But nothing he couldn't bear.

"Why do you have to be late just today?" he whispered more to himself than to be heard.

Minutes and hours passed, and what he feared most became reality. It was MusicWorld's closing time.

A lump formed in his throat.

The manager had the keys ready to secure everything. Gyuvin begged him to take fifteen extra minutes that day, claiming he had to handle some paperwork. He remembered that time Ricky had arrived just minutes before closing. He hoped it would happen again. But once more, it didn't.

"Fifteen minutes. Sorry, I can't wait more than that," the manager said coldly, turning off the lights illuminating the room.

Gyuvin was devastated.

He hadn't come after all.

Megan and Cinthia watched him worriedly.

"Maybe he just had an issue and couldn't come," the blonde said, trying to give him some kind of comfort for whatever the boy was feeling at that moment.

"Go home. You need to rest. You haven't even had lunch," the brunette said now, distressed.

But Gyuvin made no sound.

They said goodbye to him, worried, and left. Now only he and his emptiness remained. Why? That question repeated a thousand times in his head. Why?

It was the second Saturday Ricky didn't appear at the store. Gyuvin began feeling a horrible burning in the pit of his stomach every time he thought about it.

Third Saturday without a trace of him. Had he ruined everything and Ricky would never speak to him again?

Fourth Saturday. Gyuvin locked himself in the bathroom for his entire break.

"Does a promise mean nothing to you?" he whispered, sitting on the cold bathroom floor with his arms around his legs.

Fifth Saturday. Megan saw how broken Gyuvin was by the boy's absence and placed a hand on his shoulder to support him. But he quickly shook it off with an expression of anger on his face. He was no longer the always-cheerful boy. He was just there, breathing with his gaze focused on nothing.

Sixth Saturday. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't just stand behind a counter with a stupid and fake smile pretending everything was wonderful when it wasn't. That day, immediately after his shift ended, he grabbed his coat and left the place in a hurry, without even saying a word to his coworkers. He crossed the parking lot and then the adjacent square.

He didn't exactly know what he was doing. He couldn't think clearly. He just knew he was letting himself be carried by every one of his emotions. He walked quickly. The winter cold seeped into his bones. He was lost in his thoughts, but aware of the path. That path. He was going straight to Ricky's house. He had no other choice. It wasn't like he could see him elsewhere or had his phone number. He let out a sarcastic laugh when he realized what he was doing. 

He doesn't want to see you, and you're going to his house. Way to go, Gyuvin, you're a genius. 

But he needed an answer or he'd never sleep properly at night again. The place wasn't far. It didn't take long to get there. Not to mention the bombardment of thoughts kept him sufficiently entertained.

There it was. In front of those black gates, covered with snow at the base.

Why had he come?

What was he supposed to say?

Once more, impulse was stronger, and he pressed the house's doorbell.

He was trembling. From cold, anger, fear.

A few seconds passed until the front door opened. He could distinguish the beautiful, slender female figure of his mother walking to the gates leading to the sidewalk.

"Gyuvin," the woman said with panic in her voice upon seeing him there, seeing him with Ricky's gray beanie on his head. It was night, and she hadn't recognized him until she was close.

Alright. It was worse than he thought. Even the mother wasn't at all glad to see him. The woman opened the gate door, and Gyuvin entered a bit into the garden to talk better with her. Their figures were illuminated by an orange streetlamp.

"Good evening, Mrs. Shen," he greeted cordially. If he'd shown up suddenly at her house, the least he could do was be polite. "Listen," he began hesitantly but determined at the same time. "I know it's very strange that I took the liberty to come here. But I needed to. I'm not sure what happened, but I'd love to know. Could I please speak to Ricky?"

She covered her mouth with her hand. She shook her head, and her gaze was full of something Gyuvin couldn't decipher.

"Please. It's important. I'll leave him alone after that if that's what you want," he pleaded.

"No, Gyuvin. You can't," she said with pain in her words.

He'd imagined that response. But he didn't want to hear it. He really didn't.

"That day..." his mother spoke with a broken voice. "It was such a foggy day." Gyuvin watched her confused. "The streets full of frost... it could have happened to anyone, you know?"

What the hell was she talking about?

"Mrs. Shen?" he asked upon seeing the woman wasn't well at all.

"The brakes failed, Gyuvin. He didn’t make it." The woman had started hyperventilating; her eyes crystallized in the lamplight.

No. This wasn't happening. Not to him.

Gyuvin was the one in panic now.

"I don't understand," he said, watching her.

"Ricky is dead, Gyuvin!" the woman shouted hysterically and broke into tears.

No.

This wasn't happening.

Those words had been a stab. A clean and certain stab straight to Gyuvin's heart.

His throat closed completely. Ricky. He... was gone.

"But how...?" he asked now with a broken voice.

"Saturday." Gyuvin felt like his heart had stopped beating, like someone had ripped it from his chest and shattered it. "He was heading to the mall." The woman wouldn't stop sobbing. "The weather was complete shit, but he didn't care. A car hit him while crossing the street. He didn't even make it alive to the hospital. He's dead. My baby is dead, damn it!!" She pulled her hair with all her strength while shouting hysterically, falling to her knees on the snow layer. "Ricky, come back, please!!" she cried inconsolably.

Saturday. Mall. The weather. He didn't care. Ricky. Dead. 

What?

He tried to put his thoughts in order. He was in a damn state of shock.

"It’s my fault," he said barely with a thread of voice that came from his throat.

Ricky's mom looked at him crying. Gyuvin stared ahead, no expression on his face.

"It’s my fault," he repeated. "I made him promise he'd come back. He did keep his promise after all. If it hadn't been for me, this wouldn't have happened," he whispered. He was gone. In a trance. "Because of me, Ricky is dead."

Those last words were his last trace of sanity. Two bitter tears slid down his cheeks on each side of his face, and that was it. Gyuvin screamed with all his strength, scaring Ricky's mom. He screamed and screamed while more and more tears gathered on his face, spilling one by one. He needed to release all his pain. His frustration. His guilt. He screamed to the point he thought his throat would hurt until it bled.

"Gyuvin!" Ricky's mom shouted, standing up and shaking the boy hard by the shoulders. "Snap out of it, Gyuvin! It wasn't your fault!" she shouted desperately. "Listen to me, it wasn't your fault!"

Gyuvin stopped screaming. Maybe because of the woman's pleas. Maybe because his throat was on fire. But the saltwater drops kept coming from his eyes.

Ricky's mom hugged Gyuvin with all her strength. He reciprocated in the same way. He felt like an idiot. He should be consoling her at that moment, not her comforting him, hiding his face in her chest and stroking his hair to calm him.

"It wasn't your fault," she whispered. "I want you to be clear on that. It was an accident. You can't blame someone for that."

"B-but... I-I asked him... to make a promise... that he'd come back..." he said brokenly due to the sobs.

Ricky's mom smiled bitterly. She took Gyuvin by the shoulders and pulled him away from her chest, enough to look him in the eyes.

"I don't care how many times I have to repeat it to you. It wasn't your fault." The woman kept a small smile on her lips, but at first glance, it was clear how devastated she was inside. "I owe you an apology. I should have taken the trouble to go to the mall and tell you about this. This wasn't the right way for you to find out. It's just that I wasn't brave enough," she sniffled. "You more than anyone deserved to know. You were his best friend. You were his only friend. Can you forgive me?"

Gyuvin let out a small, broken laugh.

"There's nothing to forgive."

"I have no way to thank you for everything you did for him."

"I didn't do anything. He did everything himself."

Ricky's mom shook her head.

"He barely spoke, Gyuvin. Do you understand that? Yes, he wanted to improve. But he couldn't have done it alone. He spoke more in the last three months than in his whole life. He'd started smiling every day. None of this would have happened if he hadn't met you."

"If he hadn't met me, he might still be alive!" he exclaimed hysterically, averting his gaze, making his best effort not to cry again and trying to calm down after realizing he was yelling at a woman who'd just lost a son.

"Maybe. But there's something you don't know," she said, getting the boy's attention. "His therapist asked him at the start of every session how he felt. A routine question. For years, he ignored that question without answering, sometimes just shrugging; if he answered, his response was limited to a plain 'good.' But the last time, that changed."

Ricky's mom paused. Seeming to remember something that, amid so much anguish, cheered her somehow.

"What did he say?" He felt like his larynx was being squeezed with every word coming out of his mouth. It hurt. It hurt way too much.

"He said he felt happy." Incredible that something so good could feel so devastating at that moment, Gyuvin thought. "He'd never used a word like that to describe how he felt. Do you know what his answer was when she asked why?"

No. He didn't know. He didn't want to know. Everything Ricky's mom said only hurt him more and more. But he needed to know.

"I don't know."

Ricky's mom dedicated him a huge smile. A too-beautiful one, overloaded with sadness. Her eyes crystallized.

"He said your name."

That was the last thing Gyuvin could take. His heart shattered into a thousand pieces, and he broke into tears like a little child. He covered his face, but it was useless—he was a mess. Ricky's mom approached him and hugged him tenderly. Like a son. She wanted him to release all his pain until he was empty of it, even if it was impossible. She felt the spasms and echoes of his crying against her chest.

"He loved you a lot," she murmured while stroking his hair. "He wouldn't have wanted you to be sad."

Shut up. It was all Gyuvin asked for at that moment. For her to stop saying those sweet words that stabbed like cold daggers throughout his body.

Who knows how long they stayed like that under the icy night, creating clouds of vapor with their breaths. When Gyuvin finally calmed down, she broke the hug.

"I'm sorry for making a scene," he said, apologizing, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes with his sweater sleeves. The woman shook her head.

"You don't have to apologize."

"I think... it's time for me to go. It's late," he said, putting on the beanie.

"Yes, it's very cold. You can come whenever you want. You'll always be welcome."

"Thank you very much. See you some day," he said, giving her a small hug before leaving through the black gate door toward the sidewalk, starting his path.

The woman watched him go. She clenched her fists hard. No. She couldn't let him leave like that.

"Gyuvin!" she called quickly, making him turn immediately and taking a few steps back. "Just one more thing. I need to know."

He furrowed his brow.

"What does it feel like to hear Ricky sing?"

Memories flooded Gyuvin's mind. He bit his lip and couldn't hide his joy. It was a selfish feeling. But being aware of being the only person in the world who'd heard that beautiful voice made him consider himself very, very lucky and special.

"It's simply beautiful," he said with misty eyes and a mix of feelings in body and soul. "It conveys peace. It's like... hearing an angel's voice."

After one last melancholic smile from both, the boy continued his path.

He wasn't heading home. He was retracing his steps. Walking that path they'd taken with Ricky that they'd now never repeat. During the way, the only thoughts in his mind were the memories of that night when they'd held hands. In minutes, he was once again in that square. 

He sat on one of the benches. One right in front of that big tree, now leafless. It was very cold. There was no one on the streets. Gyuvin watched the pile of dry leaves on the ground and could practically see himself there. Playing with Ricky. He was so young. He had a whole damn life to live. It was all so unfair. He slowly took off the beanie from his head and held it between his hands. Watching it. Remembering the last time he'd been with Ricky, without knowing it would be the last. He remembered that song. Just thinking he'd never hear that voice again tore him apart inside. That deep and special voice he liked so much. He remembered the smile Ricky dedicated him just before leaving the store that day. The last day.

"At least the last memory I have of you is a smile," he said with a broken voice, staring fixedly at the beanie, which he gripped tightly with his hands as if someone wanted to take it away. "I wish I'd had an answer."

You are my everything

You are my summer and my dream

You are my everything

I'll take you as the way you are

Gyuvin whispered part of that melody. Now more than ever, those words had come alive for him. Bitter tears began falling on the beanie, and then Gyuvin hugged it tightly against his chest. Clinging to the only material memory he had of him.

"I'm sorry, Ricky..."

He said amid sobs loaded with pain. Only God knows how long Gyuvin sat alone on that bench, in the cold night, crying silently while hugging that beanie.

Two weeks after finding out about Ricky's death, Gyuvin quit his job. He said goodbye to his coworkers and boss. Despite everyone trying to convince him not to quit, they couldn't change his mind. He couldn't keep working there. Living with the stupid and childish hope that Ricky would arrive at any moment and cross that door, as if nothing had happened. He simply couldn't bear it.

He dedicated himself to his studies. Trying to keep his head occupied. A few months later, he moved to another city—the one his future university was in.

Gyuvin never listened to his favorite song again. He wanted to keep it in his memory, sung by him and Ricky, together, as long as possible.

It was early summer. High temperatures, birds singing and fluttering, green grass. Mrs. Shen was cleaning the house that afternoon. She finished cleaning the living room completely and went up the stairs. She was going to head to her room, but she stopped before a white door. 

Six long months had passed since Ricky's death. Maybe he wasn't the most talkative boy, but the house felt extremely lonely without him. After all, he was always there. 

Xiaoting was still abroad. She'd come for his funeral and left again. The house was very lonely, and that didn't help her depression. She hadn't entered her son's room since his passing; she didn't want to increase the pain. But she had to be brave. She'd have to do it sooner or later. The longer she waited, the harder it would become. 

She slowly directed her hand to the door knob and turned it. She entered the room with all the cleaning things. It was kept orderly, just as Ricky had left it. It stayed closed, but the lack of cleaning had caused a fine layer of dust to be on top of every corner. 

A lump formed in her throat. Every single one of Ricky's objects caused her immense pain. She wiped a cloth over his radio recorder, removing the excess dust, and turned on the radio. Maybe some music would help her a bit to bear the loneliness while cleaning. 

She started going over all the furniture, decorations, everything dirty. She brought a large cardboard box to the place, opened the closet, and began putting some of Ricky's clothes inside. No one would use them anymore, so donating to charity was the best option. 

After taking the box with the clothes to the house entrance, she got a broom and started sweeping the room. She started from one of the corners, dragging everything toward the door leading to the hallway; but when she swept under the bed, the broom hit something. She furrowed her brow and crouched to see what it was. 

It was a box. 

She took it in her hands and blew off the dust on it. She sat on the floor with the box on her lap. Opening it gave her a big surprise.

"Oh, Ricky..." she murmured in pain.

They were CDs. She recognized them easily. They were all perfectly wrapped in blue paper. Intact. Never opened. She understood instantly they were his excuses to go to the mall every week. Each wrapping had the date handwritten in the upper left corner. Ricky's mom sighed and opened the package with the oldest date. She smiled amused upon finding a jazz music CD. Ricky hated jazz. She proceeded to unwrap the second oldest date. She shook her head, biting her lip. It was a Pink Floyd record, one he already had. Upon unwrapping the third, something caught her attention. 

A small piece of paper had fallen to the floor upon opening the package. Ricky's mom took it in her hand and read it. She furrowed her brow. There was something handwritten and without any care, as if written in a hurry.

"No..." she murmured, scared.

She quickly took the next CD in her hands, which had started trembling excessively due to her shaking, and tore the blue paper from nerves. Another small piece of paper fell from it. It was a different paper from the previous, but the handwriting was the same.

"It can't be..." she gasped, entering a state of desperation.

She continued opening each package in chronological order. All contained a small paper inside. All had been written by the same person.

"No..." Her eyes had crystallized while discovering more and more notes. "Gyuvin... Ricky..." she sobbed.

She reached the last one. The date was a week before the accident. With the little strength she had left, she tore the wrapping. Thus reading the last piece of paper.

Boxes, CDs, shredded wrapping paper, and small written pieces of paper lay on the floor around Ricky's mom, who cried inconsolably, hugging herself.

05/11/1994

"I like your name."

12/11/1994

"I like you a lot, Ricky."

19/11/1994

"To be honest, sometimes I think you pick the first CD you see."

26/11/1994

"What a good day. I got to learn more things about you."

03/12/1994

"If you want to wear that beanie every Saturday, I don't mind."

10/12/1994

"Guess who was sad thinking you wouldn't come see him this afternoon."

17/12/1994

"You're very cute."

24/12/1994

"Thanks for spending this day with me. I love you."

31/12/1994

"You have no idea how glad I am to have met you."

07/01/1995

"I like you, Ricky. Would you go out with me?"

Chapter Text

"Ricky, wait!" he hurried to say, making Ricky turn immediately toward him. He couldn't explain the bitter taste invading him at that moment, or maybe he could, but he didn't want to.

The younger took a few steps back until he was in front of Gyuvin again.

"Yes?"

"Will you come next Saturday?"

Ricky was surprised by the question. He'd been going to the store every single Saturday for the last three months.

"I will."

Gyuvin shook his head slightly. He looked worried, and Ricky couldn't understand why.

"Promise me," he furrowed his brow. "Just... I need you to promise you'll come."

Ricky tried to deduce what was afflicting Gyuvin so suddenly, but unable to even imagine it, he limited himself to trying to calm him, to bring him back to normal. To the happy Gyuvin without worries.

"I promise to come back next Saturday, Gyuvin," he said in his sweetest and most sincere tone.

The younger sighed and seemed relieved. But in his beautiful deer-like eyes what seemed like fear still lingered.

"Thanks," he said, trying to give his best smile.

Ricky, on his part, dedicated him his most beautiful angelic smile to the point his eye smile showed notably.

Gyuvin watched him walk away. Just before leaving through that door, he turned, giving him one last small smile drawn on his childlike face. He felt good, but he couldn't shake that damn pressure in his chest.

The following seven days were eternal for Gyuvin. Every minute. He couldn't get Ricky out of his mind. Everything that had happened. He had to be prepared for whatever was going to happen. He straightened his navy blue uniform, placed the gray beanie Ricky had gifted him on his straight hair, and headed to the mall.

"You're early," the manager said with the keys in his hands, starting to open the store for the day's shift.

"Yeah, I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep," he said with a little laugh. Truthfully, he'd barely been able to sleep during the night.

The workday started. And Gyuvin tried to keep his head occupied with anything else since anxiety was eating him up inside. Luckily, he only had to endure a couple of long hours before seeing that silhouette cross the store's entrance door. He sighed in relief, because after all, Ricky had kept his promise and showed up, but he was still paranoically nervous.

Ricky walked up to him as if nothing had happened. Gyuvin watched him expectantly. When they were face to face, they stood in silence, just staring at each other. The older didn't understand why Gyuvin didn't greet him effusively nor cheerfully make a comment on the first thing that came to his head like he usually did. He decided to be the one to break the silence before it became more uncomfortable.

"Hello?" he said somewhat shyly.

Gyuvin heard his voice and realized he'd frozen. He shook his head slightly and gave him a beautiful smile.

"Hello, Ricky." 

The blond barely furrowed his brow. He wasn't acting like usual. He handed him the CD he'd grabbed upon entering the place. The younger took it in silence and processed the payment. Everything was very fast and quiet. Ricky wondered if he'd done something wrong for Gyuvin to seem so distant.

"Do you want... to have lunch with me?" he asked, seeming a bit indecisive.

What kind of question was that? Of course he wanted to.

"Sure," he said, serious but determined.

They headed to the small room. They sat facing each other at the place's small table. Gyuvin brought his lunch and started eating it, even though that day in particular he didn't have much appetite. 

The air in the room was very tense, almost palpable. Gyuvin barely looked at him, and that hurt him immensely. Just a week ago, they were so close, and now it was like they barely knew each other.

"You're very quiet," he said nervously, playing with his fingers.

Gyuvin averted his gaze.

"Isn't there anything you want to tell me?" Now, Gyuvin was forcing his eyes to meet his.

Ricky looked at him stunned. There was nothing he wanted to tell him. He had his little secret, yes. But it wasn't something he wanted him to know. Unless Gyuvin had discovered it. And if that was the case, he was lost. Maybe he'd noticed how he picked his records at random. But in that case, he should be the one to say something about it. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe he was imagining things as he'd been really tense ever since he entered the store that day due to what could have been a tragedy.

"I could have died," he said, trembling.

"What?" Gyuvin asked, bewildered.

"A car couldn't brake properly because of the weather."

"Ricky, for heaven's sake!" he raised his voice hysterically. "Tell me you didn't walk here with the storm outside!" The blond grimaced, embarrassed. "Why?!" he shouted, worried.

"Because I promised it to you."

Ricky looked at him. Gyuvin felt like a big lump formed in his throat. 

Silence invaded the room. Every small part of Gyuvin's body was full of guilt.

"Never do something like that again," he whispered.

"What thing?"

"Put yourself in danger like that. I don't know what I'd do if something bad happened to you."

Both lowered their heads. For some reason, the tension didn't dissipate, and that was driving them crazy.

"Will you give me an answer?" he asked in a weak murmur.

"Answer?" Ricky asked, confused.

"You know... to my question."

"What question?"

"Ricky, don't do this to me. You know what I mean," he pleaded, but the older did nothing but look at him with a genuine face of bewilderment. "I asked you a question. A week ago."

Ricky furrowed his brow. Making an effort to remember. Trying to recreate everything that had happened that day. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't recall any.

"The note."

"What note?"

Gyuvin narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to one side. Ricky had no idea what he was talking about. He never said anything about it. He never acted different. He kept picking his records the same way. He didn't know about the question. Suddenly, everything seemed to fit.

"Ricky... you haven't opened any of the CDs you’ve bought, have you?"

He didn't need an answer. He could see the horror on the blond's face. His face paled, his eyes opened widely and his lips trembled.

His heart seemed to burst out of his chest with every beat. How did he know? How would he explain not having unwrapped a single one without Gyuvin considering him crazy?

Gyuvin covered his mouth with both hands and laughed.

"I can't believe it."

Ricky clenched his fists and lowered his head as much as he could. He didn't want to look him in the eyes. He'd never felt so ashamed in his entire life. He wished the earth would swallow him.

"Hey," he whispered. "Ricky, look at me."

But Ricky seemed determined not to return his gaze. Then the younger stretched his arm until his hand reached the blond's chin and lifted it, forcing him to look at him. Panic adorned every single part of Ricky's face.

"It's okay," he told him with a wide and tender smile. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm an idiot."

"You're not," he sighed. "Just promise you'll open them."

"I will."

That same day, at night, after dinner and a good hot shower, Ricky was in his pajamas and his hair still damp, sitting on his bed with a box in front of him. The box he kept under his bed, containing all the CDs he bought. 

They were all perfectly wrapped in blue paper. Intact. Each wrapping had the date handwritten in the upper left corner. He took a big breath and took the one with the oldest date in his hands. He carefully peeled off the adhesive tape, trying to damage it as little as possible. He made a funny grimace of disgust when he saw it was a jazz CD. He hated jazz. 

He proceeded to unwrap the second oldest date. It was a Pink Floyd record, one he already had. 

He really didn't pay attention to the records he picked. He wondered what his mother would say if she found out about all the money he'd made her spend just to see Gyuvin every week. 

Upon unwrapping the third, something caught his attention. A small piece of paper had fallen onto the bedspread upon opening it. He took it in his hand and read it.

05/11/1994

"I like your name."

Ricky stood open-mouthed. He swallowed a gulp and remembered. The third time he'd gone to the store, Gyuvin had asked if all the CDs he bought were for him. He took the next package and opened it with the same care, now noticeably more nervous.

12/11/1994

"I like you a lot, Ricky."

Ricky smiled.

19/11/1994

"To be honest, sometimes I think you pick the first CD you see."

After reading the third note, he took his pillow and covered his face with it, muffling an embarrassed groan. He felt his face burning. Ricky wanted to curl into a ball and never see the light of day again. He felt too ashamed. Gyuvin had known all along. He knew he didn't even look at the CDs he picked, so it was highly likely he'd been aware all along that he only went to see him. In addition, he'd recently discovered he'd never opened the packages. 

He was definitely an idiot. 

He continued unwrapping the records, now with a flushed face.

26/11/1994

"What a good day. I got to learn more things about you."

Ricky felt like he was falling in love with Gyuvin a little more with every small note he read.

03/12/1994

"If you want to wear that beanie every Saturday, I don't mind."

So what Gyuvin had told him when he'd gifted it to him was true after all—he had liked it from the first time he saw him with it.

10/12/1994

"Guess who was sad thinking you wouldn't come see him this afternoon."

He bit his lip and remembered how Gyuvin was starving that day, waiting for him. He really cared that he came to the store every Saturday.

17/12/1994

"You're very cute."

Ricky's heart began beating very hard. He remembered Gunwook's words. Gyuvin not only considered him cute; not only had he told him through a small piece of paper, but he'd also told his friends he was cute.

24/12/1994

"Thanks for spending this day with me. I love you."

He'd told him he loved him. Well, he didn't say it, but he wrote that he loved him. Gyuvin loved him.

31/12/1994

"You have no idea how glad I am to have met you."

Ricky's breath quickened. All those sweet words from his favorite person in the world were only and exclusively for him. 

Without knowing when, his hands began trembling as they were holding the CD from the previous week in them—the most important of all. He opened it carefully, revealing the note with the question Gyuvin was referring to.

07/01/1995

"I like you, Ricky. Would you go out with me?"

Ricky covered his mouth with both hands. He was trembling. His eyes were misty. He stared fixedly at that small piece of paper for minutes. He couldn't believe it. Simply couldn't. He was so happy he could barely stand it. This was really happening. Perfection in person liked him, even though he didn’t even know why.

Only one left. The one from that day. He opened it and, without exception, found a small note in it.

14/01/1995

"I’ll wait for your answer."

Gyuvin was so nervous that day. He could swear he was even more nervous than the previous week. So many possibilities crossed his mind about how Ricky might react that he could barely concentrate on work. 

At least he was grateful that day, though it was very cold, was sunny. The store clock struck noon, and he could see Ricky crossing the entrance door. Their gazes met for a second, but the blond automatically lowered his head, preventing him from seeing his face. 

That couldn't be good. Or could it? 

The older walked until he was in front of him, without looking at him, without saying absolutely anything. Gyuvin, with fear, broke the tense silence.

"Hey."

"Yes."

He said almost automatically, lifting his gaze to Gyuvin with a shy smile on his face.

Gyuvin stood there, staring at him, not reacting to what he'd just heard.

"Yes?" he asked, stunned. "That's your answer?"

"Yes," he repeated without erasing his small but beautiful smile.

The younger stood open-mouthed for a few seconds, not realizing what had really just happened. Little by little, he seemed to react, as a huge smile began to appear. He laughed like an idiot, nervous. 

He impulsively took one of the blond's wrists and led him with him to the small room. As soon as they entered the small room, Gyuvin hugged Ricky with all his strength, who slowly reciprocated the hug. Gyuvin swayed on his legs, gently rocking their intertwined bodies.

"I can't believe it," he said still with that stupid nervous laugh. "God! I think my heart will burst out of my chest. Look."

He took Ricky's hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart, pressing it with his own hand. The blond could feel Gyuvin's wild beats.

"Look what you provoke."

Ricky heard him murmur and very slowly took Gyuvin’s hand, guiding it to his chest so he too could hear his strong and fast beats.

"You know? There's something I've wanted to do for some time, and that I almost did two weeks ago," Gyuvin could feel the pulses getting faster and faster under his hand on Ricky's chest. "But I didn't want to do it without your consent."

The tall boy leaned his face forward, approaching the blond's face. But he stopped and pulled back a bit, clearing his throat, when someone entered through the door.

Megan had entered the room with a couple of items to wrap when she was surprised to see them.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just wrap this quickly and go," she apologized, stringing her words together as she spoke quickly.

"No, of course you’re not interrupting anything. Ricky and I love talking while we’re hugging," he said sarcastically.

The blonde did what she had to as quickly as she could and left the place.

"Alright, where was I?" he said, approaching once more.

This time, a loud noise from the door opening abruptly made him stop. His brunette colleague had entered the place very reluctantly. She gave them a brief murderous glance sideways. Ricky, upon seeing her, clung a bit more to Gyuvin. She did everything hurriedly and finished with a big slam when she left.

Gyuvin waited a few seconds, and when he was about to try approaching Ricky for the third time, Megan entered again with different items to be wrapped, gesturing a "sorry" on her lips and an apologetic expression.

Gyuvin rolled his eyes and sighed exasperated.

"Alright. I think fate doesn't want that to happen today. I'll use the time to eat something," he watched Ricky's angelic face looking at him with a small smile and clung more to his body, hiding his face in the blond's neck. "But I don't want to let you go." Ricky laughed very softly, sweetening Gyuvin's ears.

The younger sighed with a smile and separated from him very slowly. He took him by the wrist—an action that was becoming a habit—and they headed to the small table. He needed to eat something.

"I still can't believe you really said yes," said Gyuvin with a giant smile that made his eyes small. Ricky couldn't stop smiling at the situation either. "So... that means you're..." Ricky bit his lip. "My boyfriend?"

Ricky squirmed embarrassed in his chair at the way he'd called him.

"I think so," he said shyly with a slight rosy tone on his cheeks.

"You're so cute," he said, mesmerized.

Gyuvin stretched his arm across the table until he reached Ricky's hand and brushed it tenderly with his thumb.

Only until the door opened again and he used that hand to slap his entire face, full of frustration. When he heard the door close, he sighed heavily.

"We'll never have peace and quiet in this place. Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Next week, come when my shift ends."

And so it happened. Gyuvin had to endure his entire boring workday without Ricky's company, but seeing him arrive at dusk made it all worth it. As always, the blond walked until he was in front of him.

"Hello," said Ricky, smiling.

"Hello," he responded the same way and glanced at the wall clock. "Six o'clock, time to go."

Gyuvin changed quickly and came out of the room with a radiant smile that showed his white and perfect teeth.

"Shall we get going?"

"Yes."

Both boys walked away from the store while the pair of girls watched them.

"I think it's time you get over it, girl," said Megan, placing her hand on Cinthia's shoulder. "I've never seen Gyuvin so happy." The brunette sighed resignedly.

"Yeah, I think you're right," she said with a sideways smile.

After a short phone call to Ricky's mom from a payphone to let her know Ricky would arrive a bit later that day but that he would be accompanied by Gyuvin, both headed to the old café across from the square. 

The weather was cold, but that didn't stop them from ordering a couple of milkshakes. Gyuvin gave soft caresses to Ricky's hand across the table while telling him how he'd managed to tell his friends about him, how he'd told them he liked him, and how happy they were when he finally told them Ricky had agreed to go out with him. He also said he'd introduce them one day. Ricky listened to every word coming from Gyuvin's thin lips as if they were the most beautiful melody—for him, they were.

After paying the bill, both began crossing the square. Like that time, there were very few people on the streets. The winter cold seemed endless that year. They were passing in front of that big tree, now leafless, under which they'd been playing that occasion, when Gyuvin stopped walking and called him by his name.

"Ricky."

Ricky turned toward him and could see Gyuvin sliding his arms to the sides of his waist, wrapping him warmly. Gyuvin seemed to really like hugging him, there was no doubt in that, and he was starting to reciprocate faster and faster.

"I missed you."

Gyuvin let go suddenly, surprising the blond.

"And I don't mean missing you during my work. I missed you all week."

It was hard for Ricky to get used to all the nice things Gyuvin said to him, but he wished he'd never stop.

They were partially illuminated by the orange lights of the place's streetlamps; sporadic and tiny snowflakes fell slowly from London's black sky.

"You know?" he said, looking him directly in the eyes. "I think things happen for a reason. Right now, I'm glad we were constantly interrupted a week ago. This is a much more romantic place, and I'm not wearing my glamorous work uniform," he added jokingly.

Gyuvin approached Ricky's face very slowly until their cold noses touched. He began moving his face very gently in different directions, making his nose brush against Ricky's with every movement, causing him a small tickle throughout his body. But after a few moments, he stopped, looked at him, and closed the distance between them while slowly closing his eyes. He softly pressed Ricky's lips with his.

Ricky closed his eyes too, surprised, letting himself be carried by the delicate contact of those thin lips. It was really happening. Gyuvin was kissing him. And it was a sensation incomparable to any other by far. It was indescribable.

Gyuvin separated from him very slowly, staying just a few centimeters from his mouth. Their breaths met, creating whitish clouds of vapor from the cold.

"That was my first kiss," Ricky whispered.

"The first of many," he murmured.

Gyuvin kissed those thick and pink lips he liked so much again. Both could feel the other's smile during the kiss. Ricky could swear Gyuvin tasted like strawberry, his favorite flavour in the whole world. Maybe because of the milkshake from moments ago, maybe Gyuvin simply had strawberry-flavored lips.

Once that second and long kiss ended, they broke the hug and were about to continue their path. Ricky put his hands in his coat pockets and took out a pair of black gloves inside, putting one on each hand.

"Oh," said Gyuvin somewhat disappointed.

Ricky watched him upon hearing that. The younger directed his gaze to his hands, which were also covered, and then to Ricky's, making a small pout. Ricky smiled amused. The blond took off his glove from his right hand, pocketed it, and extended his hand toward Gyuvin. He looked at him stunned, his heart beating wildly.

"My hand is cold."

Gyuvin sighed and wished with all his might that cuteness couldn't kill a person, because if it could, Ricky would end his life in the blink of an eye.

Gyuvin took off the glove from his left hand, pocketed it, and intertwined his fingers with Ricky's. Both smiled at each other and walked to Ricky's house, although neither wanted that day to end.

Gyuvin exhaled the air held in his lungs somewhat disheartened when they finally arrived at the boy's house. Ricky opened the gate door and turned to watch Gyuvin. He firmly held him again, with his arms around his body. Ricky smiled and did the same.

"I like your hugs, Gyuvin."

"Good. Because I feel like I could hug you for hours," he said, resting his cheek on the other boy's shoulder. "Ricky..."

"Yes?" he asked now, watching the younger boy who was now in front of him, staring at him attentively.

"Seeing you only once a week isn't enough for me." Ricky shuddered at those words. "Do you think we could see each other another day?" Ricky bit his lip, thinking about it.

"Tuesday," he responded determined.

"Tuesday?" he furrowed his brow. "Alright. Did you pick that day for something special?"

"It's the day my mother’s free, so you can meet her properly then."

"You want me to meet your mom? Already? And you're only telling me only now?!" Gyuvin shouted, startling Ricky, but then laughed. "God, Ricky! You should have told me so I’d have time to prepare emotionally in advance," he sighed. "So? Would you like me to come visit you at your house to spend time with you and your mom?"

"I'd love that."

Three long days passed. Gyuvin was in front of that white house with a blue roof. He'd been standing there for about five minutes. He took a long sigh trying to relax and finally pressed the doorbell. He could see Ricky's mom's figure opening the house door.

"Gyuvin!" she said effusively. "What a joy to see you! Come in, the gate is open! Ricky, you have a visitor!"

Ricky's mom decided to cancel the classes that day with Yuqi just so Ricky could enjoy his birthday. 

The doe-eyed boy pushed the gate door, closed it behind him, and headed toward the house, but then both Mrs. Shen and he could hear loud footsteps on the stairs and watched as Ricky arrived running with a big smile on his face. 

He reached Gyuvin and hugged him very hard, wrapping his arms around the younger's neck as he hid his face between his shoulder and neck. Gyuvin had to manage to keep his balance and not fall to the floor from the impact.

"I'm glad to see you too, Ricky," he said laughing and hugging him back.

Gyuvin buried his nose a bit in Ricky's blond hair, smelling his scent. He also noticed the light clothes the boy was wearing.

"Hold on tight."

Gyuvin crouched just a little, taking the back of Ricky's knees, lifting him into the air. The blond clung even more to his neck while laughing. And that way, he carried him inside.

Once inside the house, Ricky's mom closed the door, and Gyuvin set Ricky down.

"Hello, Mrs. Shen. Nice to see you again," he greeted with that cheerfulness that characterized him so much. "And as for you," he said now looking directly at the pair of brown eyes, trying to sound demanding. "Let this be the last time you go out in pajamas with the cold outside."

Ricky was wearing his light blue pajamas and blue plush slippers with cat claw shapes. He looked really cute. Ricky smiled mischievously and stuck out part of his tongue. Gyuvin made a gesture simulating being exaggeratedly offended by the action and then playfully messed up his hair a bit more than it already was as Ricky tried to protect his hair.

"Ricky, go change your clothes," his mother ordered.

He looked at her with what seemed like the start of a tantrum, but he didn't have time to do it.

"Listen to her," Gyuvin added. "We don't want you to get sick. You can keep the slippers," he winked.

Ricky smiled like a little child and quickly went up the stairs. Ricky's mom was delighted with Gyuvin. The way he looked at her son with eyes overflowing with affection, the way he worried about him, the way Ricky behaved when he was around.

"A lifetime won't be enough to thank you for everything you do for Ricky," she said emotionally.

"There's nothing to thank. On the contrary, thanks for letting me be with Ricky."

"I know you'll take good care of him."

Gyuvin gave her a big smile, thanking her for the trust placed in him. Just a few moments more, and Ricky was coming down the stairs in warm clothes, keeping his cute pair of slippers.

Gyuvin took off the backpack on his shoulders and opened it, searching for something inside.

"I brought my mom’s brownies made especially for you," he said, showing the container full of them.

"The best in the city," the blond added with a smile.

Mrs. Shen and Gyuvin laughed at the surprising comment that seemed straight out of a TV commercial.

They didn't do much during the day, but they enjoyed just each other's company. They lazily lounged on the couch watching an old movie until his mother thought it was a good time to eat. Then the three sat at the living room table. Gyuvin next to Ricky, and Ricky's mom in front of them with a camera in hand.

"Could you get a bit closer?" Ricky's mom asked. "I'd love to have a photo of both of you."

And truthfully, that moment deserved to be remembered. Ricky hadn't had visits from anyone outside his family on his birthdays since kindergarten, and Gyuvin looked beautiful wearing the beanie Ricky had gifted him. They shortened the distance between their seats.

"Smile," said Gyuvin.

And Ricky did. He smiled as if there was no tomorrow.

A truly beautiful photo.

"I'll give you a copy later."

"I'd love that," said Gyuvin.

His mother suddenly brought a cake and placed a small pair of candles on it before lighting them. Gyuvin was really surprised at that.

“Ricky was very adamant on having a cake and lighting candles,” the woman explained.

“I wanted to celebrate this just like that one time…” Ricky said shyly and Gyuvin couldn’t help but have the most heat-warming smile ever on his face.

“Well then we should sing happy birthday too!”

It could be the dumbest thing to do, but no one seemed to care, everyone with a really happy smile on their faces. Soon enough, Gyuvin and his mom sang the happy birthday song animatedly as Ricky stared happily at them while, although it felt kind of weird, probably because he wasn’t used to it. They finished singing, and he kept watching the pair of candles. His mom waited anxiously to take a photo of him blowing them out.

"Can I ask you something, Gyuvin?" 

Gyuvin furrowed his brow a bit.

"Sure, Ricky. Anything."

"That day, what was your wish?"

Gyuvin averted his gaze with a shy smile, totally embarrassed by what he was about to say.

"'I wish Ricky likes me.'"

Ricky looked at him, surprised. And then he too lowered his gaze with a beautiful smile.

Both felt blinded by the camera flash and lifted their gaze to Mrs. Shen.

"Sorry, my finger slipped," she lied.

"I think I won't need my wish," he said and without further ado blew out both candles, being captured again in a photo.

Gyuvin’s heart warmed up at that.

Ricky's mom set the camera on a piece of furniture and handed Ricky a gift.

“If there’s a cake there’s got to be a gift,” she said.

Ricky was surprised, not expecting this at all. He quickly opened the wrapping, finding a gray beanie similar to the one he had before.

"I told you I'd buy you another one."

"Thanks, Mom."

Gyuvin took that beanie in his hands and placed it on Ricky's head, pulling it down until it covered his eyes completely.

"Hey," he complained.

Gyuvin laughed and lifted the beanie, leaving it where it should be.

"Much better," said Gyuvin.

Both stayed staring into each other's eyes for a long time, but Ricky's mother cleared her throat, making them break eye contact in a flash.

"I'll cut some cake slices and go prepare dinner for tonight. Don’t be scared, but the whole family is coming and we'd love for you to join us for dinner, Gyuvin."

"Alright," he said somewhat unsure. "I just have to let my mom know so she doesn't worry."

"You can use our phone. Ricky, you two can go up to your room to hang out. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

With that said, they ate some cake and brownie portions while his mom was in the kitchen. After a call to the Kim house, Gyuvin took his backpack, and both went up the stairs to Ricky's room.

Once there, Ricky put on one of his many Queen CDs so the atmosphere wouldn't be so silent, while the younger dedicated himself to observing everything around. Something in particular caught his attention. There was a nightstand next to Ricky's bed. There was a glass over the furniture, and between the wood and the glass were all the small notes he'd hidden inside the CDs Ricky bought. He bit his lip, containing all his happiness, and approached Ricky slowly.

When he was in front of him, he looked fixedly into his eyes and very slowly placed his fingers on the edge of his sweater, lifting it a little. Ricky shuddered immensely upon feeling Gyuvin's fingers brush his waist. But it didn't last long, because instantly Gyuvin began moving his fingers, making Ricky let out a thunderous burst of laughter. The blond began laughing like never in his life and begged him to stop, but since his request failed, he could only imitate his action, trying to return as many tickles as possible. 

The tickle war lasted a while until their stomachs began to hurt from the laughter. They ended up lying on the bed, exhausted.

When they managed to normalize their breathing, Gyuvin got up from the bed and headed to his backpack. He searched for something inside again, hiding it behind his back, and sat in front of Ricky on the bed.

"I brought a little something for you," he said, handing him a package.

Ricky observed a square-shaped gift, not very big. It was wrapped in black paper with a nice bow of the same color. He wondered if Gyuvin had done it on purpose, remembering that was his favorite color. He smiled happily.

"A CD?" he asked, happy.

"Yup. I know it's a somewhat silly gift, but I didn't know what to give you. And it seemed meaningful, since that's how we met," he said somewhat embarrassed.

"I love it, thank you," he said and gave him a beautiful smile.

"Are you going to open it?"

Ricky lowered his gaze embarrassed, remembering all the time he'd spent without unwrapping the CDs he bought.

"Yes."

The blond gently took the adhesive tape, peeling it off, carefully removing the paper wrapping the small plastic case. Gyuvin watched him expectantly and anxiously. Ricky's eyes sparkled full of life upon seeing what was inside. His heart beat very fast. He stared mesmerized at his gift until he finally set it carefully on the bedspread and directed his gaze to him.

"Me too, Gyuvin."

Ricky spoke sweetly, extending his arm until he reached Gyuvin's cheek. The younger could feel his touch tremble on his skin and placed his own hand over Ricky's.

The blond approached indecisively and torturously slowly to Gyuvin's face. Their breaths met due to the closeness, and they stared at each other for a long time, their eyes loaded with happiness because of the other's words. 

Gyuvin slowly closed his eyes with his lips parted. Ricky couldn't stand it anymore. Gyuvin looked really beautiful, a sight impossible to make him hold back anymore. He slowly closed his eyes and pressed his lips on Gyuvin's in a tender, long, and warm kiss. As if they were made for each other.

Next to them, on the bed, was Ricky's gift. The CD from the band the song they'd sung together belonged to. 

That wasn't the most important thing, though. There was a small piece of paper lying next to it.

01/02/1995

"I’m in love with you, Kim Ricky."