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“All right.” Sirius took a deep breath and let it back out. “Let’s go.”

Remus nodded silently and headed down the spiral staircase, Sirius by his side. Remus felt rather touched to have been the one Sirius had asked to accompany him on this venture. Yes, they had gotten physically closer over the last year or so, but when it came to emotional closeness, Sirius almost always favoured James. James was the one he’d gone to after every holiday, after every fight with his brother, every time he needed to vent or get advice or… whatever it was he and James did together. Sirius didn’t talk to Remus like that. He’d hardly ever shared anything really personal with him. And yet, for some reason, Sirius wanted him to be the one who came along now.

They arrived at Professor McGonagall’s office and were invited to sit opposite her at the desk. After they had all greeted one another, Remus did not say any more. He was just here to support Sirius, after all.

“Mr Black, to what do I owe the pleasure?” asked Professor McGonagall. When Sirius hesitated, she added, “It is rather unusual to have you here for something that is not a disciplinary matter. Unless there is something I am as yet unaware of?”

“No, it’s… nothing like that, Professor,” Sirius said, with a great deal less bravado than Remus was accustomed to. They waited several seconds before Sirius continued. “I’ve come to you because I… I don’t want to go home over the holidays.”

Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows. “You have come to my office to tell me that you will be remaining in the castle over Christmas?”

Sirius shook his head. “That wasn’t what I meant, Professor. What I meant to say was… I don’t want to go back home… ever.”

There were a few heavy seconds of silence before Professor McGonagall asked, “Is there a reason you don’t want to go home, Mr Black?”

Remus was curious how Sirius was going to respond. He didn’t think anyone but James had all that much of an idea why Sirius had decided that he wanted to leave home. Remus had known since their first year that Sirius was not particularly fond of his family. During the last summer, none of them had heard a word from Sirius, and then he had only arrived at the station seconds before the train had pulled away. As much as he’d pretended everything was normal, they had all been able to tell that something must have happened, and since then he had been implying that he would never go back to his parents’ house again. But why… Remus could only guess.

Sirius nodded and appeared to be bracing himself. “I don’t like it there,” he began, then elaborated: “They don’t like me. And they… my parents… they hex me sometimes. And they hit me. My father hits me.”

Remus felt a bit sick. He’d considered that, of course. He knew some parents hurt their children. In fact, he thought it was quite common for parents to hit their kids when they misbehaved. His own parents had never really done it, but he’d heard enough people talk about it as though it was completely normal that he had begun to feel like maybe his family was the unusual one. He couldn’t stand the thought of that being done to Sirius. Just imagining someone hurting Sirius and making him feel small – because that was how he sounded right now, small and scared – made Remus want to grab onto him, keep him safe, and attack anyone who would try to harm him. Remus held the armrests of his chair tightly to stop himself from doing anything foolish.

“They lock me in my room most of the time. When my mother gets angry with me, she… she’ll remove body parts, as a way of punishing me. Like my fingers or…” Sirius trailed off, then added, "Sometimes they don't let me have any food for a few days." Remus concentrated on breathing steadily. He wanted to scream at Professor McGonagall for not rescuing Sirius before this. He wanted to throttle James for knowing… Well, he didn’t actually know how much James had known, or for how long. He did know that James had been trying to persuade Sirius to go to a teacher for the last few months at least. He was angry at… at the whole world, for allowing Sirius to be treated so badly. He was furious at Sirius’s parents, obviously. But he might have been angriest at himself.

He had known things weren’t great for Sirius at home, and he had worried and wanted to help. But instead of actually doing anything, he had just kept telling James to do the talking, while he himself had kept quiet and let Sirius deal with his emotions in ways that were probably quite unhealthy. Worst of all, while he had worried about Sirius over the summer, he had mostly just missed the closeness. He had missed looking at Sirius, and he had missed touching him. He had missed the sneaking around and the snogging and the petting they had been doing last term. Really, he had thought much more about himself and what he wanted than about Sirius’s safety. Now Sirius had asked him for support today, and all he was doing was sitting silently.

He wasn’t sure what he could say that could be helpful. Slowly, he let go of the armrest and let his hand wander over to Sirius’s, hoping that the desk was obscuring their professor’s view. Sirius let Remus take his hand without changing his expression.

Professor McGonagall nodded silently, leaning slightly back in her chair. “I am glad you felt able to share this with me, Mr Black. I am sure that it is difficult to talk about.” Sirius nodded, his eyes fixed on his own knees. “You have made things quite clear. I shall take this matter to the relevant people at the Ministry of Magic.”

Sirius looked up quickly. “Do you have to?” he asked, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Professor McGonagall looked rather surprised. “That is the correct route to follow under the circumstances.”

“But what if they don’t believe you?” said Sirius. “What if they… What if they think I’m lying and say I have to go back?”

So that was what it was. Of course, it made perfect sense, really. If Sirius couldn’t trust his own parents to take care of him, why should he trust strangers working for the Ministry? No wonder he hadn’t wanted to tell anyone what had been going on. He hadn’t believed they would help him.

Professor McGonagall spoke slowly. “If the official procedures fail to yield satisfactory results, well…” She trailed off and looked at Sirius meaningfully.

Sirius shrank back in his chair. “You mean… you mean I’ll just have to…”

Remus felt that this was the moment to interject. “I think what Professor McGonagall is trying to… imply… is that it’s best to start by following the official route. If that doesn’t work…”

Sirius looked like he didn’t understand. “If that doesn’t work… What, I’m just fucked?”

“Sirius!” Remus had known both James and Sirius to be less than perfectly respectful towards their teachers, but to just swear openly? “No, that’s not what… If the official way doesn’t work, then we’ll find… an unofficial way. Have I got that right, Professor?”

Professor McGonagall looked at Sirius sternly before apparently deciding to let the unacceptable language slide this once. “Quite right, Mr Lupin.”

“You mean…” Sirius still seemed confused. “If the Ministry won’t do anything… you’ll still help me?”

Professor McGonagall nodded.

Sirius leaned forward hesitantly. “So… I won’t have to go back home?”

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. “I believe the phrase is, only over my dead body.”

Sirius grinned and held Remus’s hand tightly. “Thank you, Professor.”

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It was sometimes disconcerting to see how well Sirius could behave when he wanted to. He was so polite, friendly and charming on his visit that Remus could practically see his parents falling for him in just the same way that Remus himself once had. How was it possible that his affection for Sirius could still grow?

Sirius offered to help Remus’s mum making fudge, thought he spent roughly an hour staring at the microwave oven and asking innumerable questions about it.

“Is it e-lec-tri-ci-ty?” Remus heard him asking. “Is that how it works?”

Remus’s mum smiled. “Yes, dear. It runs on electricity. Most of our appliances do.”

When the questions became too technical for anyone in the house to answer, Remus’s dad suggested they go to the library to see whether there were any books that explained how microwaves worked. This had Sirius practically vibrating with excitement.

“A muggle library!” he cried. “Are all the books there muggle books?”

Remus just managed not to laugh. “Yes, Sirius, they’re all muggle books.”

Sirius collapsed backwards into a chair, apparently overcome by the thought of an entire library full of muggle literature.

“Would you like to do that today or would you prefer to go to the cinema first?” asked Remus, since Sirius had been asking since they had arranged this stay whether they could go to watch a film.

Now Sirius seemed to be torn between two activities he was desperate to undertake as soon as possible. “The cinema…” he breathed, a faraway look in his eyes. “Microwave…”

Remus’s dad suggested they go to the library today, as it would be closed tomorrow. Of course, the library was closed on Sundays. Remus lost track of the days during the holidays. It would theoretically be possible for them to do both on one day, but Remus knew Sirius too well to imagine he would be able to tear himself away from the library without immense difficulty.

“We’ll go to the cinema tomorrow, then,” suggested Remus.

“You promise?” Sirius’s eyebrows had risen halfway up his forehead. He looked as though he was worried that he might end up losing out on something he had been looking forward to for weeks already.

Remus hoped his smile did not come across as patronising. “I promise. We can even check the newspaper to see what’s showing, all right?”

Sirius was grinning and bouncing in his seat all through lunch and Remus could tell he was finding it difficult not to complain about Remus’s slow pace as they embarked on their journey on foot. He wasn’t always quite as slow as he was today, but his knee was still hurting after the last full moon.

Remus asked the bemused librarian whether she could please direct them to any books they had that might talk about microwaves while Sirius was visibly struggling to stay still. Once they had successfully found the Science & Technology section and Sirius had hauled several books to a nearby table, Remus went browsing for something he might like to read during Sirius’s stay. He had been reading Don Quixote, which was actually a lot more amusing than he had expected, but it still required a certain amount of brainpower and dedication; he wanted to read something less intense while his friend was with him.

They stayed until the library was closing for the evening (something Sirius tended to take a very dim view on when it was the Hogwarts library), took out one book each and went home to a dinner filled with Sirius’s attempts at explaining microwaves to Remus’s family.

“And there are no waves in the fudge anymore,” he told them proudly when Remus’s mum served up the fudge she had made earlier.

When they got ready for bed, there was a brief discussion of who ought to sleep where. There was Remus’s bed, and there was an old mattress on the floor beside it. Remus thought Sirius ought to take the bed, as he was the guest. Sirius countered that Remus ought to have the bed, as he had aching joints.

Remus had managed to push down his awkwardness for most of the day so far, but he was feeling quite ashamed of the worn out old mattress now. “Sirius, I know you’re used to better than this,” he muttered.

Sirius seemed to feel some awkwardness, too. “I’m not, though,” he said. He looked over at the borrowed book on Remus’s wobbly bedside table. “If I’d wanted to read a book like that…” he said.

Remus interrupted, “I didn’t mean like that. I meant –”

“I know,” said Sirius. “And I’d rather sleep on the fucking street than go back to what I’m used to. This is perfect.” He plopped down onto the mattress, clearly misjudging its cushioning ability if his wince was anything to go by.

Remus didn’t want to get into an argument or to make Sirius think of his old home anymore, so he gave in and went to his usual bed.

“Moony?” Sirius’s voice came from below Remus after almost two hours of silent reading.

“Mhm?”

“What’s your book about?” He sounded hesitant, as if worried that Remus was angry with him.

Remus let his tone be casual to put Sirius at his ease. “It’s a collection of short detective stories,” he said. He’d picked a book of Agatha Christie’s Poirot stories, which he didn’t think he would get too absorbed or emotionally invested in. He didn’t want to get distracted from having a good time with Sirius, after all.

“What’s the name of the one you’re reading right now?”

Remus smiled, aware that Sirius couldn’t see it. “The Adventure of Johnny Waverly,” he answered.

Suddenly, Sirius’s face was right next to Remus’s, his eyes wide. “Who’s Johnny Waverly?” he asked.

“Uh,” Remus chuckled. “He’s a little boy. His father’s been getting anonymous letters threatening to kidnap him unless a ransom is paid.”

Sirius crossed his arms on the edge of Remus’s mattress and rested his chin on them. “Is he going to be kidnapped?”

Remus didn’t have to think long before answering. “I expect so,” he said. “It wouldn’t be a very exciting story otherwise.”

This answer seemed not to be entirely pleasing to Sirius. “Will he be okay?” he asked quietly.

“I’m sure he will. The detective will solve it all.” Privately, Remus was remembering Murder on the Orient Express, in which a little girl had not only been kidnapped but also murdered. He doubted that would happen in this story. And if it did, he’d just not tell Sirius about it.

Sirius lay back down, and Remus had just found his place on the page when Sirius reappeared beside him. “Are his parents worried about him?”

Remus put his finger back between the pages. “They certainly seem to be,” he said. “Mr Waverly’s hired a detective to stop the kidnapping, and Mrs Waverly’s  been crying at dinner.”

Sirius frowned. “But Johnny will be okay?”

“Yes, Sirius, he’ll be okay. And he’s not real, you know,” Remus added.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He turned, as if he was planning to lie back down, but then seemed to change his mind. He looked back at Remus and said, “Muggles care about their children.”

Remus looked away. His chest hurt. “Yeah,” he said. His voice sounded higher than normal. “Muggles care about their children.”

They were both quiet for a while. Then, Sirius said, “You know, I didn’t know that before I met you.”

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“You’ll not be going to watch that Emmanuelle film, now will you?” Remus’s mum asked sternly.

“No, Mum.” Remus could feel his face heating up. “Of course not.”

Sirius looked curious but seemed to sense that it was best not to ask what they were talking about just now. “We’re going to watch Rollerball,” he said instead.

“Is it violent?” asked Remus’s mum.

“No,” said Remus, though in truth he thought it might be. “It looks like it’s about some sport in the future.”

“Like quidditch?” asked Sirius.

“Yeah, but on the ground. On wheels.”

As they made their way to the bus stop, Sirius asked, “What was the thing your mother said we mustn’t watch?”

“Oh.” Remus was embarrassed. “Emmanuelle. It’s a dirty film.”

Sirius frowned. “What do you mean, dirty?”

God, this was so embarrassing. Remus did not want to talk about this. “It’s pornography!” he said and really hoped that would be enough to get Sirius to drop the subject.

Of course it wasn’t. “They have pornography at the cinema?!”

“Shh! Yes,” Remus hissed. They were still on his parents’ street, and anyone might come out and hear them. “But not at the one we’re going to. There are special ones for those sorts of films.”

Sirius’s steps faltered for a moment. “Can we go to one of those ones instead?” he asked.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” Sirius was doing his whiny begging, as if this was something Remus might actually bend to.

“Well, first of all, you’re not allowed in if you’re under eighteen. Second of all, I’m not going to watch pornography with you!”

“Why not? Has it got girls in it? Are you embarrassed to see naked girls?”

“Sirius, shut up!”

Sirius was grinning madly, which was very dangerous. This was the look he got when he’d had an absolutely terrible idea and it typically led to them serving a month’s worth of detentions. “Have I flustered you?” He sounded utterly delighted and Remus did not like it one bit.

“If you want to look at filth, you can either do it on your own, or we can find some that’s on paper and doesn’t require going into a grimy room full of strangers all wanking together.”

“They all wank in the cinema?!”

“I don’t – I’ve never –” Remus spluttered. He stopped and took a calming breath. “Look,” he said, pulling himself together. “I think my letter was very clear. Nothing while you are staying with me.”

Sirius groaned in objection.

“Nothing!” Remus repeated firmly. “And certainly nothing like that. But if you can behave yourself for the rest of the holidays…” He trailed off.

“Yes?” asked Sirius, his eyebrows raised.

“If you can behave yourself… maybe I’ll have something for you when we’re back at school.”

“Something muggle?” asked Sirius eagerly.

“If that’s what you’d like.”

Sirius nodded eagerly.

God, what had Remus gotten himself into with this boy?

Sirius was utterly enraptured by Rollerball. He spent almost the entire runtime leaning forward and holding onto the backrest of the seat in front of him, his eyes glued to the screen. Remus found it decidedly more difficult to pay attention to the film, far more interested in Sirius’s fascination.

Of course, as soon as the credits began to roll, Sirius started speaking, and he did not shut up until over an hour after they had gone to bed that evening. It didn’t matter that Remus hadn’t paid proper attention to the film, because Sirius was making sure that both he and his parents knew about every detail.

When Sirius seemed to have finally worn himself out, they lay in silence for a few minutes.

“Shall I turn the light off?” asked Remus.

“All right,” said Sirius. “Oh, wait.” He craned his neck so he could look at the lightbulb in Remus’s bedside lamp and watch it being switched off. At least he didn’t keep flicking lights on and off like he had the first time he’d visited. Remus had been too embarrassed to tell him that it wore out the bulb and cost money when he did that.

They lay in the dark for a while, Remus waiting for Sirius to remember something else he desperately wanted to say about their cinema adventure.

“Moony?” Sirius eventually said.

“Mhm?” mumbled Remus sleepily.

“When you said nothing earlier…”

Remus needed a few seconds to put together what Sirius was referring to. “I meant nothing,” he said firmly. There was no way he would risk his parents catching them. God, it would be so mortifying, he might just die. And Sirius wouldn’t be allowed to visit anymore.

“Not even –”

“Nothing!”

It was quiet again and Remus hoped he hadn’t upset Sirius. Surely he understood.

“Can’t I just touch your hand?” came Sirius’s voice in the quietest whisper.

Remus hesitated. “Just my hand?” he confirmed.

“Yes, just that. I promise,” Sirius whispered excitedly.

“Well. All right.” Remus moved his arm out from under his duvet and reached vaguely in Sirius’s direction. He felt warm fingers wrapping around his palm.

Sirius whispered, “I’ve missed being able to touch you.”

Remus sighed. “I have, too.” He ran his thumb over Sirius’s knuckles, chest aching from the knowledge that this was all they could do. Just another week, he reminded himself. He could last that long. It wasn’t a long time at all. Somehow, that only made him more frustrated.

“Could I…” Sirius said cautiously.

“Just this, Sirius.”

Sirius sighed softly. “Okay,” he whispered.

Remus felt the pressure on his hand increase and could hear that Sirius was moving. Then, he felt soft lips on the back of his hand, just for a second.

“Goodnight, Moonpie,” Sirius whispered and let go.

Remus could have sworn some small creature was crawling about in his belly. “Give your hand back,” he whispered. When he felt Sirius’s fingers, he leaned over and returned the kiss. “Goodnight, Sirius.”

Sirius giggled softly. “Goodnight, Moonpie.”

“You already said that.”

Sirius giggled more loudly. “Goodnight.”

Remus sighed. “Goodnight. Now shush. No more talking until morning.”

“All right. Goodnight, Moonpie.”

Remus stayed quiet, swallowing down his own laughter. Goodnight, he thought. Sleep well, my darling.

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