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Yoshiki looked at the salamander shaped float getting further and further away from the boys. ‘Hikaru’ kept pointing at it.
– We need to get it, or else your sister won’t have a new float! - he said, looking at the dark haired boy, who was still kneeling down, hugging the other's waist. Suddenly, he felt a sense of embarrassment from being in that position. It was too… Intimate. Could be misinterpreted by some people. He got up.
– Nah, don’t worry… she’ll survive. - he said, still looking at the float.
Yoshiki looked towards the friend’s face. They had just shared such an intimate moment, yet they were able to talk it off like that. He didn't quite know if that was good, as if thinks they should talk about that, especially because he wanted more. He wanted to know more about ‘Hikaru's’ feelings regarding him. It was this twisted curiosity that grew inside of him every time they got too close.
– Ha, you’re indeed so selfish! - the boy chuckled and placed his hand on top of the boy's dark hair - Then we had all that work for nothing, I guess…
Yoshiki looked at his friend's expression. He had the same silly smile that the old Hikaru had, but it was… Different. Maybe it was the red pupils that made Yoshiki slightly unsettled, or the way he seemed more genuine when laughing. He couldn’t help but to feel his cheeks growing hotter because of that scene.
– I mean, it wasn’t nothing… We’re still here, y’know… Although this… - he tried gesturing something with his hand - Thing just happened, we’re still at the beach. We’re still doing what we promised to.
– Yeah, that’s nice… - the boy smiled - But I think we should leave the sea, at least for now. Our clothes are soaked.
Yoshiki had noticed that. He was looking at the friend’s body through his wet clothes. He felt ashamed by doing so, like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to, an enormous guilt took over him every time he did something similar. Yet, he couldn’t help himself not to.
After some seconds, they were able to find somewhere to sit and wait to see if the Sun would help them to dry. It was somewhere in the long sand that kept going on forever. They found a towel lost, where they were able to sit. The waves kept coming and going, uninterrupted. There was this awkward silence between both of them that neither exactly knew how to break. The fact that ‘Hikaru’ hadn’t been breathing for the last couple minutes also didn’t help making the atmosphere lighter.
– Y’know… - ‘Hikaru’ said, not sure how to articulate what he wanted to ask - What is the difference between liking and loving someone romantically to you, Yoshiki?
The boy was caught off guard. He felt his heart beating faster and his eyes widening. Why did he have to bring that back to the conversation? As if this situation wasn’t already weird enough, now he had to explain human feelings to ‘Hikaru’… once again.
– Mmm, it’s not an easy thing to explain… - he said, as calmly as he could - Being in love with someone is almost ten times more intense than liking someone. You feel this warm, weird thing every time they come too close, you just can’t avoid wanting to be near them. You can imagine your whole life with them. It's almost as if a flower blooms every time you see that person, but dies when they look at someone else. And you want to do things that you wouldn’t do with your friends, like kissing and holding hands…
‘Hikaru’ seemed to be pondering what Yoshiki said. Why was he so focused on that? Was he trying to figure out if Yoshiki was into him? The taller boy looked away, feeling his cheeks getting red. It was impossible for him to discuss these sorts of feelings with ‘Hikaru’. After all, he always had a crush on Hikaru and that new version of him had just confessed to him. It was almost as if he was being tested for how long he would be able to hold on before losing his mind. He wanted to retribute what ‘Hikaru’ said, but he was embarrassed. He knew that was not right. He knew-
Suddenly, he felt something touching his elbow, slowly. He jumped, but saw it was only ‘Hikaru’ trying to catch his attention. The boys had probably called him before, but he was too lost in his thoughts to notice.
– Yoshiki, have you ever kissed someone?
– What? - he said, gazing at the other’s face, feeling his own getting redder than it ever got - That’s not something you go asking people around, ‘Hikaru.’
– I know, I know… But I don’t think our relationship is like everybody’s right? - he said, gesturing Yoshiki placing his hand inside his cavity on his stomach - If you know what I mean…
Yoshiki felt as if he was about to pass out. Ever since when ‘Hikaru’ got so shameless? Just a minute ago they were both too embarrassed to say anything. Why exactly was he saying these things out of the blue? This definitely was a test, ‘Hikaru’ had some twisted idea in his mind and he was a part of it. He blinked, slower than usual and took a deep breath.
– You sound like a pervert, you know? But no, I’ve never kissed anyone.
– Then how can you say that you kiss people that you love so confidently? I mean, you probably have already had a crush, right? - he said, with a tone that resembled more certainty than doubt.
– I don’t know? Romantic movies, I guess? - the boy sounded confused. Where exactly was the white haired boy leading this conversation to? What situation will he be caught into?
– But, I mean, not everything we see in movies is real. Cars don't go around exploding out of nowhere and stuff… How can you be so sure?
– I… - Yoshiki stuttered. He didn't quite know how to answer that. It was something he was taught ever since he was a child that he never questioned. Thinking about it now, it was difficult to explain.
– I think… Maybe we should try it out… - he stuttered - I mean, you did have a crush on old Hikaru, that was pretty obvious, so why not?
Yoshiki was going to pass out. So many questions ran through his mind at the same time. It was that obvious? What did he mean? It was obvious? Obvious in a way that his classmates had noticed? Did they go around telling other people about it? Was there gossip around the town? He shouldn’t feel that, and yet when he tried hiding it, people still knew. Hikaru knew that and still stayed by his side. Why? He had such disgusting feelings, he wasn’t worthy of company…
– Obvious? Hikaru knew I liked him?
– I mean, he had an idea… But he never thought much about it.
– Do you know what you're implying, ‘Hikaru’? If he knew then… Then maybe more people also thought that. Do you know how bad it would be if people found o… Imagined I was into boys? Or that I had a crush on my best friend? That is disgusting! I should be embarrassed of myself, I don't know how people still talk to me-
The sudden feeling of a palm touching his cheek, caressing it, silenced his mind for a second. He didn’t notice he started crying. That was unusual for him. Maybe this released all the stress he had, sitting there, waiting for a chance to escape. But then he noticed ‘Hikaru’ was trying to comfort him. Slowly, he saw ‘Hikaru’ coming closer. He kissed his other cheek, a quick, yet sweet kiss.
– See, it isn’t that bad, is it? - he said, smiling.
Yoshiki’s eyes winded. A sudden calm feeling infested his whole body. He shouldn't feel calm, what if someone had seen them? Yet, he felt… Good. Then, he felt that same warm feeling he felt when ‘Hikaru’ came too close for the first time. He wanted more. He needed more. He placed one of his hands on the back part of ‘Hikaru’s’ neck and pulled him closer. Too close. But he felt insecure. What if he had changed his mind? What if one of their classmates were watching them? It was only when a small, gentle smile appeared in ‘Hikaru’s’ face that he proceeded.
At first, the kiss was soft, rhythmed. After all, it was both boys' first time. It was just their lips discovering each other’s, memorizing its shapes. But after some seconds, ‘Hikaru’ opened his mouth slightly, silently asking for more. Yoshiki gave in and started kissing him more intensely. It was messy, their teeth would touch sometimes, which would make the boys chuckle. But, slowly, the kiss became more passionate. They were both savoring each other's mouths, almost desperate for more. It was only when Yoshiki was out of air that they broke the kiss.
Yoshiki’s breath was heavy, his hand still on ‘Hikaru’s’ hair. He looked at the boy’s face, only to be met with a part of his true form escaping through one of the boy’s eyes. He seemed to notice it, because after some seconds, it was gone.
– Yeah, that happens when I get nervous, sorry for-
– Don’t worry. - Yoshiki blurted, nervously - You don’t need to apologize. That was… amazing.
He felt disgusted by what he did, but the pleasure spoke so much louder. He wanted more. He was ashamed anyone could have seen it, yet he wouldn’t have changed a thing. He felt this urge for Hikaru for as long as he could remember. It was agonisingly delicious. He felt his hand moving from the boy’s neck to his waist, laying them both down on top of the towel. He placed his head on top of the boy’s chest and let it rest there.
– This was… Everything. I could feel you. I could feel a glimpse of your soul. I was able to really see you. You're so beautiful. Thank you for that, Yoshiki. I think I get it now, that difference.
They both stayed in silence for some minutes. ‘Hikaru’ had placed one of his arms on top of Yoshiki, tightly keeping them together. It was when he thought the other had fallen asleep that he heard his words.
– Please, never leave. I can’t afford to lose you.. - he stopped for a moment - I love you, ‘Hikaru’.