Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Edwin didn’t remember *everything*. He remembered waking up in the that bleak room, and then a blur of trauma. He’d been poked, prodded, and cut open. He’d had needles in his arms more days than not, and it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to be denied food in preparation for a surgery that didn’t actually come until days later.
It didn’t hurt, at least not the way pain was supposed to; Edwin wasn’t human enough to feel the pain of the experience.

It hadn’t taken Edwin long to realize that whether he was conscious or not had no effect on what happened to and around him.
Either he was unconscious and the doctors did what they decided was best, or he was in his painkiller-induced haze and the doctors’ decisions were carried out while he was vaguely aware of them.
Decisions weren’t made with him, they were made in front of him. It wasn’t necessary for him to strain himself by trying to be aware of it.
The room didn’t have a window and the lights stayed the same, leading to the days blurring into the nights, and the nights indistinguishable from the mornings.

Edwin didn’t know how long he had been in that room. He hadn’t been coherent enough to keep track, and once it was over, his parents barely spoke about the experience except to complain. They hadn’t liked visiting the hospital and at least Edwin had been given enough painkillers that he was barely aware of it, as opposed to them having to be aware of how much the place sucked.

Edwin didn’t have painkillers anymore. He didn’t truly have his parents either. In one fell swoop, he’d lost any relationship with his family, and his health was stolen as a result. He hadn’t intended any of this to happen, all he’d done was say ‘No’ to a boy, and now here he was; with his life ruined.

The hospital had implanted multiple things while he’d been there; contraptions to help his fingers move properly, a new mechanical joint for his knee, a small disk where his neck met his back to stop the pain he’d been in, and several small things with purposes never even explained to him…
And it had all worked wonderfully, he could move even better than he had before the accident, and his day to day life was thoroughly painless.
He could walk and run, he took up calligraphy purely out of love for the art even though paper was rarely used for anything these days, his body felt like his again.
Until it didn’t.

It wasn’t uncommon for hospitals to have a brand, these days everything did. Buying things outright was also now a rarity; why pay once for something when for a smaller monthly fee, you always have the best and brightest version of it? And so that same standard was applied to Edwin’s implants. They worked wonderfully, they were constantly getting software updates and improvements, and Edwin’s parents had plenty of money for any fees they wanted to pay. The issue however, came when they no longer wanted to pay.

It had been a boy named Simon that acted as the lynchpin to Edwin’s present state. He’d been a family friend, and Edwin had cordially tolerated his company for years, they were even friendly at times. Although that charged when Simon expressed something new that he desired from Edwin.
Everyone could guess Edwin was a bit different, including Simon, but as long as Edwin hid those aspects of himself away and didn’t act on them, the people around him could pretend he was normal, so they allowed him to stay despite those traits of his.

Simon held some of the same traits, but he hid them more successfully than Edwin had; behind a veil of hate and anger. That same hate and anger immediately ended up turned on Edwin when Edwin rejected Simon’s advances.
He had tried to tread carefully, telling Simon that he didn’t judge him for his attractions and wouldn’t tell anyone else, he simply wasn’t interested himself. Clearly he hadn’t successfully pacified Simon though.
Whether it was vengeance or a fearful move to discredit him before he could’ve had the chance to endanger Simon, Edwin would never know. All he knew was he came home the next day to find his world ripped apart around him.
Edwin’s mother confronted him about how Simon had informed her that Edwin was the one who propositioned him. Edwin’s father told him that they had given him enough leniency but wouldn’t be providing for someone like *that*. And although Edwin himself tried to explain, his attempts fell on deaf ears. Simon had struck faster, so it was his story to write.
And so Edwin was promptly killed off from the story.

Forming a consistent opinion on Simon proved impossible in the months after that. It was easy to be angry at him, to hate him, to wish for him to suffer the way Edwin did. But on more merciful nights, Edwin found himself thinking about how Simon had probably been terrified. How he and Edwin both wanted survive, Simon had just been a bit more willing to grasp at it his teeth and nails.

He often found himself wondering what decisions he’d make if he could do the situation over.
Now that he knew how it had ended, would he have been able to sabotage Simon to save himself? Or would he always be not quite ruthless enough?
Should he have relented to Simon’s advances to avoid sending him into upset? Or would have ended in Edwin getting caught anyway shortly after?
The answers didn’t truly matter, there was nothing to be done now, and yet, the wondering still kept him up at night.

Chapter Text

It hadn’t been Edwin’s first restless night; far from it. Between the lingering thoughts and wonderings that kept him up, haunting him like ghosts, and the aching pain he’d grown to accept as a constant, decent nights of sleep were far and few between.

Last night was no exception. He was thoroughly exhausted from tossing and turning, and the position he’d finally settled on to relive some of the pain in his leg unfortunately left his back positioned in a way humans are barely supposed to be able to achieve, meaning it was now protesting vociferously at any small movement. Despite his general misery today, he didn’t have the luxury of laying still and off his feet at home as he suffered. He had groceries to buy and perhaps if he could spare the energy after, he’d try at a trip to the library.

Physical media like paper books had fallen out of fashion many years ago, it was much easier to simply rent your favorite stories delivered instantly to your device, after all. Especially when the stories so often received updates to remain at the forefront of relevance, printing a whole new paper book and distributing it would be a waste, as opposed to a seamless software update that could easily be dispatched to everyone. And so the library’s own funding was routinely lowered, but as of now, they still managed to scrape by, and they were coincidentally one of Edwin’s favorite places, despite the long walk visiting it required him to suffer through.

But he didn’t need to dwell on that right now. He had errands he needed to run first, then if he still had the energy, he could indulge himself in a visit to the library.
So despite his exhaustion, he had dragged himself out of bed, struggled through putting trousers on despite how consistently difficult his knee’s refusal to bend made that endeavor, and left his flat for a visit to the shops.

The shops were only supposed to be about a 5 minute walk away, or more accurately, a 10 to 20 minute walk for Edwin.
Today wasn’t much worse than his average state so he arrived after about 15 minutes of walking. He picked a few things out without issue, although he paused in the fruit aisle. He didn’t buy fruit very often. It was good for him, yes, but it was also expensive and a hassle. He ended up staring at the oranges debating for longer than he’d have wanted to admit. They weren’t the cheapest thing, but in terms of the usual cost for fresh fruit these days, they certainly weren’t bad. The issue though, came with the work they required. It seemed simple enough; peel one, break the wedges apart, eat them. However, Edwin’s fingers weren’t particularly cooperative to the process. Since his implants were turned off, it was as though the joints were too loose. They’d move quite easily, to the point that they moved more than they were supposed to. The effort required to hold them steady and tense enough to peel an orange left them hurting. So he found himself struggling to debate between subjecting him to that effort, or coughing up the excess money to buy one pre-cut and peeled.

Eventually he resigned himself to paying extra for the package of pre-prepared oranges, and added them to his bag of shopping.

He’d only just purchased his groceries and walked out of the shop when someone crashed directly into him, both of them falling to the ground from impact. Edwin hadn’t had a moment to process what happened before pain shot through his hands and wrists. He’d tried to break his fall with his hands, only to have them fail to catch his weight, and scrape against the ground before he fell flat.

Edwin tried to use his hands to push off and help himself back up but promptly winced in pain when he tried to put weight on them. He hadn’t been having a great day anyway, but this felt like a straw that’d break a camel’s back. He’d only just bought food and now he was laid on the pavement, his hands presently refused to accept him putting his weight on them to get back up, and his leg already made it hard to get on and off the floor. He debated the merits of just laying there until the pavement swallowed him alive for a moment, but then was startled by a gentle hand placing itself upon his shoulder.
“You a’right?”

Chapter Text

“You a’right?
Edwin heard a voice behind him ask, almost as if worried about him. “Oh of course, what would indicate me as anything less than perfectly alright?” Edwin replied a bit snippily as he used his elbows to roll himself onto his back and then sit up.

Now he could see the person who’d been checking on him; a boy knelt next to him with dark curly hair and a backpack slung over one shoulder. He didn’t reply to Edwin’s comment, instead moving to grab the groceries that had spilled out of Edwin’s bag.
“Don’t-“ Edwin was about to loudly object to the boy stealing the food he’d bought, as if there was anything he could really do about it, before he realized to his surprise that the boy was simply putting the items back into Edwin’s bag for him. “Don’t what? Sorry mate, just gathering them for you. Was it these 4 things, or anythin’ else that’s ran off?”

Edwin wasn’t sure what to make of this whole situation. The boy had ran into him, knocking him to the ground, and was now sitting next to him helping put his groceries back into his bag. Unless he wanted to steal the groceries and the bag Edwin carried them on?
“No, it was just those 4 items. And I’d like them back, thank you very much.” He answered, trying to sound much tougher than he actually felt sitting on the pavement with his hands hurting too much for him to even push himself up.
A bit of a confused look formed across the boy’s face before he shook his head and gave Edwin an annoyingly attractive smile. “Yeah, ‘course, mate. Here you go,” he agreed, picking up the bag and holding it out to Edwin. The gesture sort of surprised Edwin. Why *wasn’t* this boy taking his stuff? Although that didn’t seem like a good question to ask this stranger, so he slipped his arm through the strap of the back and managed to get it slung over his shoulder.

After the boy let go of the bag, he offered Edwin his hand “My name’s Charles. You?”
Edwin blinked at the boy’s hand for a moment, surprised that he apparently wanted introductions rather than just to leave.
“Edwin. Edwin Payne” he answered before cautiously moving to shake Charles’ hand. The movement wasn’t good on his hurt hand though and he winced, causing Charles to immediately let go. “You a’right? Fuck, did I hurt your hand when I bumped into you?” He seemed genuinely concerned about Edwin, although Edwin couldn’t imagine why that was.
“My hands are simply a bit… fragile. They will be back to my standard after being allowed a bit of time to recuperate.” He was a bit hesitant to explain, he didn’t want this boy to realize how vulnerable he actually was and decide it was a good idea to rob him. Charles didn’t seem to think anything of the sort though. “Good, glad you’ll be ok. Sorry I ran into you, guess I got distracted.”
“It’s quite alright.” Edwin replied, although he wasn’t entirely sure *why*. He wouldn’t usually tell someone it was alright, usually this would utterly ruin his day.
“Here, lemme help you up,” Charles offered as he got to his feet.
“I’m not sure my hands would-“ Edwin started but Charles cut him off “I could just put my hands around your forearms and pull you up.”

Edwin supposed that would work so he gave a small nod, shifted his better leg so his foot was under him, and held out his forearms to Charles. Charles gently gripped just below his elbow and pulled him forward up to his feet. Edwin had not expected how strong Charles was, but it worked fairly well. Much easier than if Edwin had had to awkwardly get himself up.

Edwin did stumble a bit putting his weight back on his legs, but he caught himself before falling. Or more accurately, Charles gripped his forearms a bit tighter and steadied him. “You good?” He checked, giving Edwin an almost tender look.
“Yes, I’m quite alright,” Edwin nodded quickly. Charles gave him a small nod in return and slowly let go of Edwin’s forearms. His thumb brushed against Edwin’s skin as he moved his hand away and Edwin’s eyes lingered on the spot, which held a residual tingle of heat.
Charles’ hands were very warm. Edwin was only now realizing how much he appreciated warmth.

Charles’ voice gently tugged him out of his thoughts after a few seconds. “Want me to buy you a drink? Some coffee or somethin, as a sorry for knocking you down.” Charles continued to surprise Edwin and this offer followed that pattern.
It obviously wasn’t like it was a date, a boy wouldn’t ask Edwin out on a date, especially not a stranger, but still this wasn’t a common occurrence. Edwin didn’t have friends, and he couldn’t remember the last time someone asked to buy him coffee. He should say no, he’d gone out to run errands and maybe go to the library, not let someone buy him coffee. And yet…
“Yes, I suppose that would be alright.”

Much to Edwin’s relief, Charles lead him to a cafe very close by so he didn’t have to struggle through a long walk.
It was a small cafe with about 5 tables inside just down the block from the grocery store.

“Have you been here before?” Charles asked as they walked inside.
“No, I can’t say I go out much.” Edwin admitted.
Charles didn’t seem to question that, he just nodded in acknowledgment and lead Edwin to a table by the window with 3 chairs. “Here you go,” he muttered, pulling out a chair for Edwin and then quickly explaining before Edwin could question it, “You said your hands hurt so figured I’d pull it out so you don’t have to.”
Edwin murmured a small “Thank you,” before sitting down in the chair.

“It’s a kinda old style place, gotta go order at the counter an’ everything,” Charles explained to Edwin. Having to go give your order to a person at the counter certainly wasn’t common anymore, usually you just ordered on a screen at each table. Most minor daily interactions like ordering coffee had been slowly eliminated by now.

It wasn’t that Edwin minded talking to a person, but his weariness at the idea of standing up again must’ve shown on his face because Charles quickly offered “Don’t worry, you don’t gotta get up, I’ll go order. What am I getting you?”
“Black coffee, no cream or sugar please.” He requested, the relief evident in his voice.
“Coming right up,” Charles agreed, leaving Edwin at the table while he went to order.

While he waited for Charles to return, Edwin hesitantly put his leg up on the extra chair at their table. He knew it wasn’t particularly socially acceptable, but it was either that or let his leg stick out into the walkway and that was even worse.

Charles didn’t seem to mind when he returned with their drinks though. He set Edwin’s coffee in front of him and took a sip of his own drink before sitting cross legged on the chair across from Edwin.
“Feels nice to put your feet up sometimes. ‘specially after a long day,” He commented casually, with a gesture to Edwin’s elevated leg.

Edwin wasn’t sure what prompted him to say what he did, he didn’t usually explain it to people if he could avoid it, but it felt oddly like he could open up to Charles despite knowing him for only a number of minutes. “It’s not simply a matter of putting it up, the knee is locked in place so I cannot just bend it under the table. If I don’t put it up, it sticks out into the walkway and someone will trip.”
Charles looked a bit surprised, but not the usual looks of utter confusion Edwin had gotten used to. “Has your leg always done that, or something happened with it?.. ‘course you don’t have to talk about it if you’d rather not, I’d get that, I’m not trying to barge in on your life story.”

Edwin didn’t have to answer, he’d even been *told* he didn’t have to answer, as opposed to the usual demands for information people gave when their own curiosities beat their basic social skills and they launched into intrusive questionings your average person would never expect to hear from a stranger. Charles was gently curious, but also had the good sense to offer to stop. Maybe that was part of why Edwin did feel comfortable to answer; because he felt like it was his choice and he didn’t *have to*.
And so he launched into explanation, his drink sitting mostly forgotten as he spoke. He told Charles about the accident and the implants that had been used to repair him. He didn’t tell Charles about Simon, but he told him vaguely how the payments stopped so the implants were turned off. He explained how the joint in his knee locked in place so he couldn’t bend it, and how the mechanisms helping his fingers move stopped and granted them *too much* mobility in contrast.

He wasn’t supposed to tell people these things, it just made things awkward, and it made them pity him. And yet, Charles didn’t look at him like he was pathetic, or ask what he’d done wrong to fail at making the payments. He had a thoughtful expression on his face and was quiet for a moment, then he took a sip of his drink and hesitantly replied; “My mum had something like that when I was a kid… not quite the same, but the vague idea.”

Edwin hadn’t encountered that response before. He had always been the only person he knew of that this happened to, but Charles knew someone else like this? That was new. He wasn’t glad Charles’ mum suffered through the same thing, but there was almost a comfort in knowing he wasn’t actually alone in this experience.
“I suppose your mother and I have that in common then.” Edwin agreed.
“Y’know…” Charles started “I got sorta good at fixing her stuff up for her. If you wanted, I could take a look, see if I can make things easier on you.”

That was by far, the most surprising part of Edwin’s whole day. “You cannot simply- that’s illegal, Charles.” He whispered sternly. It was a terribly tempting possibility; being able to move a bit freer, maybe things wouldn’t hurt so badly, maybe that way he could live a bit more… But no matter how tempting, he couldn’t have that. Even ignoring how complex this was, how many ways this could go terribly wrong and leave him even worse off, it was not allowed. The mechanisms might be implanted in his body, but they legally belonged to the hospital company that made them, he couldn’t just modify them as he pleased.
“Yeah, it’s illegal. It’s kinda fucked up though, innit? They can stick all this stuff in your body, fuck you over when you stop bleeding money, and you’re s’pposed to take it? I’m just saying, people deserve better. *You* deserve better.”

Edwin paused at that, both at what he said and at the pure sincerity in his voice. It wasn’t like Edwin had never considered that his situation was fucked up, but he’d never quite considered that the whole situation was inherently wrong on the company’s side of it too. This was how it had been for as long as he could remember; you got something, you kept up payments to keep it running, it got updates to stay as the best available. But Charles did make a very good point. These things were part of his body now, and they’d already bled him dry financially when he’d scrambled to keep up payments, why did they get to make this terrible situation for him and regulate that he wasn’t allowed to improve it for himself?

“Most of this stuff isn’t that hard to fix, you know,” Charles continued after pausing for a moment and getting no audible reply from Edwin. “Like, it’s not the easiest stuff either, but if you got an idea of mechanics, there’s some basics that only take a little effort. Like your knee being stuck in place, they probably just sent a single to the gears to lock with each other. If I loosened the bolts and maybe swapped something out, it’d move a bit, probably.”
Edwin didn’t even know this boy. They’d met once and within the hour, Charles was offering to commit a crime for him to help fix Edwin’s leg? It was an utterly absurd situation and Edwin was beginning to wonder if this was some sort of fever dream. “I’m sorry, you are sitting here in a cafe in broad daylight, saying you could simply open my leg up, poke around a bit, commit a crime, and undo a problem that has plagued me for quite a while. Why would you do that? You do not even know me. For all you know, I’m an agent undercover with the intent to arrest you.”

Charles actually chuckled at that. “Sure, but you’re not. Come on, how many agents do you know with shut off implants who stand outside the shops waiting for a criminal to run into them and offer a cuppa’ coffee?”
It was a valid point and made Edwin feel a bit embarrassed about the second point he’d tried to make, the first one still stood though. “Alright, admittedly if it had been a sting, it would’ve been a terrible attempt at one. However, you didn’t answer my first question. Why would you want to help me?”
“Cause you deserve to be helped,” Charles replied as if it was the simplest thing on the planet.

Edwin didn’t know how to respond to being confronted with such blunt, purely kind reasoning, so he gave a small awkward nod and stared down into his coffee for a few moments before trying to change the subject and push the churning thoughts and new questionings of his reality from his mind. Charles seemed slightly reluctant to leave the serious topic they’d been discussing but made no effort to stop him.

Charles seemed so kind, but for Edwin who wasn’t used to it at all, experiencing that kindness felt like trying to gaze at the sun; it might be warm and bright, but it was too overwhelming, so he had to let himself look away.

The pair ended up making casual conversation about everything from food to games until Edwin reluctantly resigned himself to the knowledge that his leg was starting to ache worse and worse with time so he needed to go home soon before it became too much to walk the distance on.
He didn’t want to say goodbye to Charles which caused him to stay about half an hour longer than he should’ve, but eventually he had to accept reality.

“A’righit mate, this was brills. Get home safe” Charles told him in that consistent caring tone he spoke in, although Edwin thought he heard a touch of disappointment in it. That was probably just wishful thinking though.
“I don’t really got a communicator, if you want though, you’re welcome to come by my place, one sec” Charles explained and before Edwin could ask how Charles didn’t own a communicator or point out that it was ridiculous to invite over a stranger you’ve met once, Charles grabbed what appeared to be eyeliner from his bag and used it to messily scrawl an address on a napkin.

Edwin just blinked in surprise at the gesture before picking up the napkin and staring baffled down at it. “Do you make a habit of handing out your address and inviting strangers to your home?”
“Nah, I’d say you’re special.” Charles replied with a grin.

He got up to go, leaving the napkin with his address on the table, before pausing. “I was serious ‘bout the offer before, you know… It’s a waste to leave something not working for you and your life just cause a rule says to, innit? Just think about it.”
With that, he gave Edwin a wave and walked out of the cafe.

And as Charles had instructed, Edwin did think about the offer. He couldn’t *stop* thinking about the offer for days. The boy’s kind voice and gorgeous grin kept reappearing in his mind, and they got him questioning things;
Maybe he did deserve better.
Maybe Charles could help him achieve whatever ‘better’ looked like.