Chapter Text
"Hey, Moony."
"Yeah, Pads?"
"What's with all the wishbones?"
"I guess I have a lot of wishes."
"Yeah, but, doesn't it make you a little bit sad?"
"Why?"
"Because someone always gets the short end of the stick."
***
May 30th.
He was driving down the road I was all too familiar with. I knew the trees, the slight dips in the pavement that made his old car rattle. I knew everything about this road, yet, somehow, everything felt different.
I then felt a calloused hand grab my shirt and gently tug me fully inside the vehicle so my head wasn't hanging outside the window anymore. Maybe it was the fact he pulled me so suddenly, but I swear my heart skipped a beat. I met his eyes, his sweet, brown eyes and cracked a smile, which he returned. God Remus Lupin was a beautiful man.
"Can't have you falling out, Pads. I'd miss you too much if you became a pancake on the road." Remus grinned, to which I laughed at.
I kept looking at him, even though I knew I was staring for far too long. I couldn't help it, it was as if his eyes were magnets trying to pull and attract my own. However, Remus eventually tore away his gaze back to the road, and I shifted to look at the wishbone he had hanging on the rear view mirror.
Remus had quite a thing for wishbones. He had wishbones hanging in his car, wishbones in his room, wishbone jewelry. As I continued staring at the object, I began to wonder why Remus had such a fondness for wishbones, and I sort of just blurted out the question.
"Hey, Moony?" I asked.
"Yeah, Pads?" He responded, taking his eyes off the road to glance at me with a small smile.
"What's with all the wishbones?" I muttered as I reached my hand out to gently touch the one that was hanging.
He shrugged as his eyes returned to the street. "I guess I have a lot of wishes."
I nodded in understanding but leaned closer. "Yeah, but, doesn't it make you a little bit sad?"
"Why?" Remus hummed.
"Because someone always gets the short end of the stick."
Remus went silent at that. I moved back and slouched in my seat, hoping I hadn't offended him. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that; maybe wishbones were a thing his family or old friends loved. I was about to apologize when he spoke again.
"Yeah. But, life is like that, I suppose." Remus shrugged with a sigh. "Not everything is fair."
"Yeah." I agreed as I watched him pull into the driveway of my house. If there was one decent thing about my family, it was the money I received from my father's will when he passed. Remus himself had recently gotten his own apartment after living with me for a while. I offered to pay for it because God knows I have too much money for my own good, but Remus refused. I then secretly hoped Remus would just keep living in my house, to which he declined as well.
"Bye, Sirius." My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Remus' sweet voice rang through my ears.
My eyes snapped to his and I nodded, getting out of the truck. "Bye, Rem. See you tomorrow?"
He nodded with a grin. "Yeah. We'll ride our bikes to the creek tomorrow. It'll be fun."
I nodded back and started walking to the door when I felt my face get hot. The last thing I needed was for my best friend to see me blushing at him, so I scrambled inside.
***
That night I took out my guitar, something I hadn't done in a while, and just wrote a song, or at least part of one. I've written many songs, always have, but the only one who knew about them was Remus and my best friend James. To me, they were just stupid songs about my trauma, but according to Remus (and James), they were lyrical masterpieces.
For the first time in.. years, maybe, I wrote a love song. A love song about my best friend.
The mere thought of that realization terrified me. I loved my best friend. I was in love with my male best friend. Nowadays, most people wouldn't judge you for a queer relationship, or at least you probably wouldn't get beat up in the street for it. But in the small town in Texas Remus and I lived in, the residents' religion was practically homophobia. And it wasn't only what other people would think, it was also that never in a million years would Remus feel the same about me. Sure, he looks at me like I'm the love of his life, and maybe he's cuddled me a few times, but that was just because I'm great at cuddling. Remus would never like me back.
***
May 31st.
"Something I wish..you knew. Something I've tried-" I sang softly, my guitar resting on my lap as I strummed the chords. I curled up into the corner of my bed when my voice cracked slightly on the 'tried'. I coughed and began to sing it again.
"Something I've tried..To say. But now I'll say it straight."
"Nice singing."
I flinched and threw my pillow at the door, only to realize it was none other than Remus who was standing there.
"Ow-" He huffed, tossing the pillow back and going to stand in front of the mirror to look at himself. "No need to get violent, I just complimented you." He chuckled, looking at me through the mirror. "So, What are you singing?"
I sighed and shrugged. I decided to just answer him because he would know if I was lying. "Just uh, trying to write a song."
"About?"
"Dunno yet." I muttered as if my muse wasn't standing right in front of me.
Remus nodded and took his stained shirt off, only to throw it in my face. I breathed in the scent- God I just smelled his fucking shirt. I then watched as he changed into one of my own shirts, which was too tight on him and displayed his muscles. I smiled softly and looked down, my knuckles clutching the stained clothing.
"C'mon, Pads. I thought we were going to the creek? Unless you'd rather sing me your song." Remus gave a cheeky grin and walked over to grab my hand.
I looked away because damn it I was blushing again. I took a breath and turned back to the boy, standing up. "Yeah- yeah, let's go."
We both ran downstairs and hopped on our bikes. Remus started peddling and got ahead of me, and I could've sworn he said 'catch up, gorgeous!' but I forced myself to accept he just said my name and I heard it wrong.
My mind started to think and wonder about things I really shouldn't think and wonder about. Like if Remus didn't love me why did he look at me with a gaze he had only for me? Why he did smile every time he turned to look at me while we sped down the road? Is it because he knows I love him and he's trying to let me down slowly? Or maybe he's trying to flirt. No, he's definitely trying not to hurt my feelings.
You know that I love you
And I've got a feeling and that you love me back
***
I watched as Remus sat on a tree above the river, shirtless but still trying to hide the scars on his stomach. What I would give to kiss those scars and tell him how beautiful he is. I finally snapped out of my trance and looked away. I crawled to the creek and desperately splashed water on my face as if to get rid of all the thoughts I had about Remus. I needed the water to cleanse my mind so I wouldn't keep thinking these things. My mother had once told me that this lifestyle wasn't normal. Not that I gave a shit about anything my mother told me, I just couldn't stop the words from running through my head.
"Pads..If you wanna cool down just come in the water." Remus chuckled, though there wasn't much humor in his voice. Damn it, Remus knew something was off.
"Noo." I whined. "It's cold."
Remus rolled his eyes and jumped down from the tree. He emerged from the water and shook his head like a dog. He then crept up and splashed me with the creek water, which caused me to flinch at the temperature. "Please, Padfoot-" Remus begged, already trying to pull me into the water as I scrambled away.
Remus kept dragging me, and I finally gave in because how could I deny a face like that? I stumbled into the water and clung to the boy, laughing. "It's cold, Moony!"
Remus was about to laugh himself and probably make some witty remark, but I pushed him underwater before he got the chance to. I suppose karma had it out for me because I messed up my footing and fell into the river myself. I quickly resurfaced and and tried to catch my breath, but I was then submerged in the water again. Remus grinned and pushed me down, going under the water with me before pulling me back up. To distract Remus from my blushing face, I gently shoved him, and he fell back into the creek. I giggled as I watched him resurface and then grab a flower from the grass.
"Won't you please accept this river flower." Remus smiled, holding the flower towards me.
I laughed and then choked on water. 'I- wait let me just swallow gallons of creek water first." I teased when I finally stopped dying. I walked closer to Remus and took the flower from his hand, putting it in my hair.
"Beautiful." Remus whispered, and I smiled.
He clearly hadn't meant to say that out loud, because Remus got all flustered and began to leave the river. "I-I should probably head back. I don't want to be late for my shift." He muttered, grabbing a towel and starting to dry himself.
"Oh." I sighed but nodded. "Yeah, let's go." I agreed as I grabbed my own towel to dry off.
"Do you want me to bike you home first? I probably have time-"
"No." I cut Remus off. "It's alright, I know the way."
Remus nodded and gave a small smile. "Okay. Text me when you get home, at least. So I know you made it home safely."
I nodded back and got on my bike. "Bye, Moons." I smiled softly, waving as I left.
"Bye, Pads."
***
June 1st.
That day I had been extremely lonely because I hadn't seen Remus all day. Not that I needed Remus to survive (definitely not), but he was one of the only people who didn't see like a burden (hopefully). Considering my loneliness, I decided to go visit him at the ice cream shop he worked at. That would be a nice surprise for him.
I began my journey over there, humming and trying to fix a verse on the song I was working on. When I eventually reached the shop, I hid behind the corner, not wanting Remus to see me yet. I peeked out and noticed he was talking with some blonde girl. I saw her laugh even though what Remus said wasn't funny. I continued to watch them until I came to the horrible realization that the girl was Marlene, one of the few people I considered my friends.
I sighed and started to walk away in defeat. Out of all the people Remus could like, Marlene fucking Mckinnon? But then again I couldn't really blame him. Marlene was objectively gorgeous and cool as fuck. Why wouldn't Remus like her?
I figured my plan to surprise Remus was pretty much ruined, so I went home. I got back to my house and crawled into my bed, crying softly. I couldn't believe that I was so dumb to think that Remus would love me back. Of course it was so dumb to believe he would feel the same. I now felt utterly stupid for even thinking like that for a second.
You know that I love you
Is it dumb believing you might love me too..?
Yeah.
***
I eventually fell asleep, my final thoughts while awake being something of Remus and myself. God, I am a pathetic man.
Around 2am, Remus snuck up to my window and slowly opened it. He saw me sleeping and smiled to himself before crawling in and laying next to me. Though asleep, I felt his presence and snuggled up to him, resting my forehead on his shoulder. Remus quietly laughed to himself and wrapped his arms around me.
***
June 2nd.
When I woke up, the smell of Remus' cologne infused my nostrils. I hummed and scooted closer to him, trying to inhale the scent even more. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
The smell of your perfume
Is all over me
I can't wash it off
So it's easy to see..
Remus opened his eyes and noticed how close I was. He smiled and sat up. "Pads..Pads, wake up." He said as he gently shook my shoulders.
"What-" I murmured, slowly opening my eyes to be welcomed with the gorgeous Remus Lupin looking over me.
"C'mon, get up." Remus grinned. "I wanna go to the creek again."
And so I agreed, because again, I couldn't deny Remus. And we had a great time at the river, even claiming a tree as our own with the words 'Remus and Sirius were here.' It felt nice to have something that belonged to just Remus and I, and only us forever. But did a stupid tree really matter if Remus wasn't what belonged to me? Or if I wasn't what belonged to him? I thought on that for a bit longer until I realized that I did belong to Remus. If he would ever just say the word, I would let him do almost anything with me. He could take my body every fucking night. Remus loved novels; I wish I was a novel to him, but I was only a footnote. God I was such a sap for him. Such a pathetic sap for someone who was hung up on another girl. Fuck, how I wish I were Marlene. I even wish I could kiss her to know why Remus would love her.
I now followed Remus to a field of grass and stared at him. Remus grinned and began to run, to which of course I immediately ran after. Before I knew it we were running at full speed, grabbing each other's shirts and arms just to touch another. For a moment it felt like I was in a movie with Remus, like we were finally a happy couple in love.
After we watched the sunset on a tower of rocks at a park, Remus and I went back to my house. When we arrived, Remus ran up to to my room and opened the window to crawl out onto the roof. He gestured for me to sit next to him and I did with a smile.
"Today was fun." Remus stated, looking over at me.
I nodded and kept the eye contact. "It was. I felt..free."
Remus chuckled and tilted his head. "Yeah. Free's a good word to describe it."
I looked away, getting all too flustered from a normal conversation. Though, it wasn't long before I took another peek at Remus.
Then before I can even comprehend it, Remus' lips are on mine and holy shit the man's kissing me.
I leaned into the kiss, but it was only for a second until he pulled back and stared at me with pure shock. All the memories of the past three days came flooding into my mind. It was all too much to bear and I quickly kissed him again, only for Remus to pull away.
We kept staring at each other until Remus decided to break the silence.
"I think I need to get back. Goodnight, Pads." Remus muttered, scrambling back into my room to leave.
I just nodded and smacked the back of my head against the wall of the roof when he was gone, quietly cursing myself and Remus.
"He fucking kissed me and left." I whispered as I finally broke down in tears.
***
June 3rd.
All day I was working on a new song about how I thought Remus hated me. Dramatic? Maybe. But I was feeling very emotional. I was stuck on a few lyrics for the chorus when I got a text from Remus that read 'Hi. I know you're probably upset but please meet me at work in an hour. It'll be worth it.'
I scoffed at the message, but obviously got prepared to head down there and yell at Remus if I had to. And to think just two fucking nights ago I thought Remus liked Marlene but clearly not.
However, when I arrived, I was met with Remus holding a cup filled with ice cream and a smile on his face that said 'I'm sorry, here's some food to make it better.'
I sighed but took the ice cream from him and tried to grab the spoon from his hand, to which he quickly yanked it away from my grasp.
"Hey-" I chuckled, eventually managing to grab the spoon and sticking it in my ice cream.
Remus nodded and leaned closer to me. "I didn't know what to do yesterday after it happened." He mumbled. "So I left." He looked down and then added one last thing. "I never kissed a boy before."
I scooped a large amount of ice cream into my mouth so I didn't have to respond to anything verbally. That worked until I was out of ice cream, so I decided to say something. "I get it, you were my first boy kiss too.."
Remus nodded and changed the subject. "I just wanted to tell you that in person. C'mon, I'll drive you home." Remus said as he led me to his car.
I got inside the truck and slouched in my seat, not even trying to hide my pout.
Remus clearly took notice of my expression because he grabbed my face and oh my God he was kissing me again.
It felt so lovely, the kiss. When he pulled back he didn't even look away, just brought my face closer to his and rested our foreheads against each other.
Maybe we would be alright after all.
Now you know that I love you..