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could be heaven, could be hell

Summary:

Best friends share clothes, that's normal. And Bev lets Marcia borrow hers all the time. But what about the one time she has to borrow clothes from Marcia? Why does it feel... different?

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Bev, can I borrow a necklace or something? I don’t have a single thing that looks good with this dress.”

It started so simply, the way everything does. Girls shared clothes like a ritual, it was normal and expected. Bev, Marcia, and Cherry were getting ready for a party in her room, waiting for the boys to come pick them up. 

“Maybe the dress is the problem.” Bev turned to Marcia, examining her outfit. It wasn’t terrible, but god that girl could do with something just a little newer. She wore this same dress all the time. 

“Bev, be nice.” Cherry said gently, but Bev waved a hand at her to dismiss her worries.  

“I am. Sometimes, being honest is the right thing. We need to really impress them tonight. We need to look our absolute best.” She got up and opened her closet, examining the dresses in front of her. She ran her hands along them, searching for something that would compliment Marcia perfectly. Finally, her fingers landed on something rather bright. Yellow. It wasn’t really the right color for Marcia, but it was at least a bit more expensive than what she was currently wearing. Or maybe it was just as expensive, but Marcia didn’t go shopping nearly as often as Bev did, so that dress she was wearing looked worn. Bev, on the other hand, only wore things that looked brand new.

She handed the dress over to Marcia. 

“Oh, this is so pretty…” Marcia murmured. She touched it so gently, like she was almost scared to ruin the fine fabric. “Are you sure that I can–”

“Just go try it on.” Bev rolled her eyes. Sometimes she couldn’t stand how unsure Marcia was about almost everything. She meant well, but god, it was annoying. 

Marcia hurried off to the bathroom. There was silence for a moment before Cherry finally turned to look at Bev. 

“You know, you could be a little kinder. It’s not her fault she doesn’t get new clothes nearly as often. Heaven knows she could afford it, but…” Her voice trailed off. Marcia didn’t like talking about it.

Bev’s brow knit together for half a second before it smoothed over. “So, I’m doing her a favor, letting her wear my dress.”

A few moments later, there was a knock on the door. 

“Bev…”

“Marcia, you can come in.” Bev said, a bit befuddled. “This is my room, after all.”

“I know, but the… I need you to help me zip it.” Marcia was no prude and Bev knew that, but when it came to her friends she never seemed to know where the boundary was and ended up being too shy about it. They’d all been friends for years, but somehow she was weirded out by the thought of them seeing a little of her bare back in order to zip the dress up. Bev sighed and stood up to open the door. 

“Come on in, Mar.” 

Marcia looked a little embarrassed as she walked back in. 

“Does it not fit? That zipper is usually pretty easy.” Bev put her hands on Marcia’s shoulders and turned her around so she could see what the issue was.

“I… I mean, it’s a little bit tight. In some spots. Not a lot, but… well…” 

Bev zipped it carefully. She could see what Marcia meant, there was a spot or two where it was a little tricky. She turned her back around so that they were facing each other. She looked her over and gave a slight nod. 

“It’s a little tight around the bust. And the hips. But I think that’ll work in your favor tonight.” Bev told her. Marcia wasn’t even that different in size from Bev, but she did barrel racing and Bev supposed it changed her hops or her thighs or something, not that Bev really thought about it that much. And Marcia’s chest had always been just a little fuller. Bev was jealous of that sometimes, but she supposed it didn’t matter. Brill loved her the way she was. 

 

There was only one time that Bev borrowed any of Marcia’s clothes. She wasn’t a huge fan of the girl’s sense of style, she didn’t exactly go looking for the opportunity. But, there was a first time for everything. The two of them had gotten caught in the rain on the way home from the movies one Saturday afternoon, and it was the one time that neither of them had brought an umbrella or even a rain jacket.

“God, we’re gonna make a mess, your mom is gonna be so mad.” Bev muttered as they raced up the stairs, trying not to slip on the wood floors as their wet clothes dripped everywhere. “And I don’t have any extra clothes with me.” 

“Oh, you can borrow something of mine.” Marcia opened her closet the second they got to her room. 

“Something of yours? Come on, Marcia. I’ve known you for a million years, and I’ve never done that.”

“Do you want something dry to wear or not?” Marcia didn’t even wait for her answer, just looked through her dresses hanging neatly there without paying any attention to Bev. She selected a random dress for herself, then chose a little more carefully for Bev. 

Bev had zoned out for a moment, mourning her absolutely drenched dress, then snapped out of it when she felt the dress fall into her lap. She stared at it for a moment, then it registered: It was the green dress from months ago, the one that she’d made Marcia change out of. The turtleneck that went underneath it landed in her lap moments later. 

“You couldn’t pick something else?” She scoffed, shaking her head, her hand resting on the familiar clothing. For half a second, her mind snapped to the last time she’d seen Marcia in this dress, when she’d hugged her goodbye. The fabric felt like that hug.

“Beggers can’t be choosers, Bev!” Marcia sing-songed as she headed for the door. “I’m gonna go change, you can change in here if you want.” 

And then she was gone, and Bev was left to continue staring at the green monstrosity in her lap. Monstrosity though it may have been, at least it was soft. 

Bev peeled off her own dress and laid it out on the floor, hoping it might dry at least a little bit. She was usually so careful with her clothes, she felt pretty bad about this. And she was sure her parents would never even notice. They’d just buy her a new one, she most certainly wouldn’t get in trouble for potentially ruining it. It almost didn’t matter. Almost.

She pulled on the turtleneck first, rolling her eyes at the long sleeves. Marcia liked sleeves. Bev had noticed that it was so she could have something to hold when she got nervous or when she was holding in an emotion. She’d never forget that time Trip and Chet were arguing about something and Marcia had felt caught in the middle. The girl had watched them argue, each trying to get her on their side, her left hand clutching tightly to the sleeve of her right arm. Bev didn’t blame her for that, really. Marcia was gentle by nature, and she needed an outlet of some kind when things got too rough. 

Life was rough, and the world could be mean. Bev didn’t know how someone like Marcia survived. Marcia was kind, and gentle, and sweet, and forgiving, and silly, and soft. The rest of the world was not. The rest of the world was mean, and conniving, and selfish, and cold, and a goddamn competition most of the time. Hell, the world had been cruel to Marcia herself, giving her a mother who didn’t want a child and a father who put insurmountable pressure on his children. Bev knew those feelings, being an only child who had known from the beginning that she needed to marry wealthy in order to secure her family’s legacy. Some part of her envied Marcia for having a brother. Marcia had someone to take on the family’s wealth if she couldn’t. Bev didn’t have that luxury. Not that she needed it, she was happy in her life. She was cold and calculating when she needed to be. But if it got her ahead, what did it matter?

But all the same, she knew that Marcia went through a lot. They all did, in their own ways – some more than others. And Bev could never understand how Marcia could still be the way she was. Still kind, still sweet, still a people pleaser.

Bev stepped into the dress and pulled it on, quickly zipping it up. As she fixed her hair, she got a good look at herself. It was startling to see herself in her friend’s clothes. And not because she personally disliked them, but because she liked the person who wore them. And the person who wore them was…. was… 

Bev shook her head, as if she could physically force the thoughts to make sense. God, the turtleneck even smelled like Marcia, like there were remnants of her perfume or something on it. It was floral, but light. It was funny, the way that scent just made Bev feel a little calmer. Anytime she smelled it, it meant she was with someone who had never been cruel to her, not once. Marcia was one of the few people who seemed to completely embrace kindness and joy – for better or for worse. Bev worried about her sometimes. Marcia felt everything so strongly, the good and the bad. How would she survive after high school, when the pressures they faced were bound to get worse? How would she survive when the real world showed its ugly face? 

Maybe Bev could protect her, teach her how to be competitive, how to put aside her emotions when she needed to. Emotions were no help when it came to making your way in the world, when the most important thing to everyone around them was to be the best. At what, she wasn’t sure. The best at everything, perhaps. Emotions wouldn’t serve someone when everyone else was out to get them. Maybe she could help Marcia see that, keep her safe. 

Marcia returning to the room pulled Bev out of her thoughts. 

“Oh, you look so cute!” She giggled, prancing over to stand next to her and look in the mirror. “It’s not a perfect fit, but it’s not bad.” Marcia poked and prodded and adjusted the dress while Bev just stood there. 

Marcia had always been rather touchy-feely and tactile with her friends. Bev knew she couldn’t help it, it was just what she did. And Bev herself usually pulled away from it, especially when they were in public. But right now? Right now, Marcia was smoothing out the shoulders of her dress, and Bev felt herself relax involuntarily. Damn Marcia and her delicate touch. 

“You think I look cute?” Bev finally asked. She tried to be offended by that, to be annoyed that Marcia didn’t call her pretty or hot like everyone else did. But there was no edge to her voice. She couldn’t seem to do it.

“You do. I know you hate this dress, but it’s a nice color on you. I mean, it’s a little short because you’re taller than me, but… you look cute.” Marcia reached up and tucked Bev’s hair behind her ears. “There. Perfect.”

For a moment, Bev felt warm with Marcia standing beside her like this. For a moment, Marcia’s hands on her shoulders felt like a warm blanket. For a moment, this was all Bev could ever want – and something she could never have.

Notes:

thank you for reading! feel free to yell at me on tumblr at lesbian-ponyboy-curtis <3

happy marcia monday a day late :)

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