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He didn’t look in the mirror much during his days of Wild Card. It just never occurred to him. Besides, without Chigiri around to prod at his appearance, there wasn’t much reason for Rensuke to even bother with what he looked like. After all, it was day in and day out of training, training, training. Previously, even if Blue Lock had had a lot of tough training, at least they’d been given break days between games to recuperate and train as they saw fit for themselves.
That didn’t happen in Wild Card. Rensuke can’t remember the last time he’s slept, much less had an actual break. Hence the massive eye bags and dark circles under his eyes, making him look almost raccoon-ish. This, combined with the fact that he hadn’t been outside since coming to Blue Lock and was now quite pale, made him look rather ghastly.
He startled himself when he looked in the mirror.
He’d expected the bulking, as he’d been working out more to maintain his muscles and be able to ‘ascend to new heights’ as was requested by Ego. But to see such a tired, pasty person staring back at him, it felt like the muscles didn’t fit.
It felt like a lot of the face staring back at him didn’t fit the Rensuke Kunigami he’d known himself to be before. The ghastly figure staring back at him…almost made it feel like the previous version of himself had died, and this one was nothing but a shell of what was left.
A zombie. Or…if the old Rensuke Kunigami was a hero, now I’m just a cyborg made from his parts…
“Here, Kunigami,” Anri said, handing him a disc.
Rensuke looked up at her blankly, and when her eyes darted away, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of shame swirl up inside him.
If before he had been somewhat intimidating, now he was downright scary, horrific, even. But he couldn’t call out Anri for her reaction, it was only natural. He’d had the same one.
“What’s this?” he asked bluntly.
“It’s film of the game between the Blue Lock 11 and Japan’s U-20 team, the game that happened right before you were released from Wild Card,” Anri explained. “Ego and I put it together. He’d like you to watch it some time in the next few weeks, as you’ll be playing with and against both teams soon.”
“Huh?”
“We’ve reached a deal with the Japanese National Team after Blue Lock defeated them to have their players come train with Blue Lock for our next leg so that we can create the best possible U-20 World Cup team for Japan.” Anri smiled softly at him. “Hopefully it’ll go well.”
Rensuke grunted. “Mm, hopefully.”
“Kunigami?” Anri asked softly, suddenly dropping her peppy businesswoman tone.
“What is it?” Rensuke replied, hoping he didn’t sound too rude. He knew his tone was leaning towards the snarky, snappy side lately, and Anri didn’t deserve to be in his line of fire.
“If you need anything else, please do let me know, alright?” Anri’s gaze was kind, and it made Rensuke feel sick to his stomach. Everything sucked, most of all him.
“Got it. Thanks.”
Anri made her way back, and Rensuke popped the disc into the player of the room he’d been staying in.
For the most part, the film focused on the Japan U-20 team, their captain, Oliver Aiku, in particular. Rensuke certainly found him to be the most prominent member, the only other one perhaps being Kazuma Niou, the fellow defender who defined himself as the captain’s ‘dog’. The striker from the team, Shuto Sendou, certainly was capable too, but he wasn’t a match for him.
Rensuke didn’t know why he didn’t expect to see Ryusei Shidou on the field. Frankly, he should’ve been more surprised when the demon that ended his dreams wasn’t anywhere to be seen on the Blue Lock 11 team, but he couldn’t help the ice that filled his veins when he saw Shidou step out onto the field in the Japan U-20 uniform.
It didn’t help that Shidou seemed to make a crazily hellish pair with Sae Itoshi either. He was aware of Sae’s skill, but seeing it utilized by someone like Shidou was frankly beautifully demonic. The stuff of nightmares, or at least certainly Rensuke’s.
But his eyes never truly strayed from the blaze of red streaking across the field. Chigiri still had that godforsaken hold on him. He didn’t deserve Chigiri, especially not after he had fallen so far, to the point of almost being cut from Blue Lock.
The others probably figured he was cut. Locked off.
Chigiri had him entranced. Seeing him up on this big, practically wall-sized screen, he couldn’t help but rewind his best moments in the match.
Then the camera cut to a break in play, and Rensuke’s heart dropped…if it could even fall any further. Chigiri was clearly in pain, wincing as he stepped.
Don’t tell me…
Rensuke gritted his teeth, but saw Isagi helping Chigiri stretch his previously injured leg. His fear was quickly replaced by guilt.
I should’ve been there for him. But I failed to make it back to him, failed to keep our promise.
Rensuke watched the rest of the match with his guilty conscience distracting him from really taking it all in. Lost in his own thoughts and self-loathing…and a dash of extra jealousy thrown in at Isagi getting to help Chigiri, to be by his side when Rensuke couldn’t.
He only returned to consciously watching when he heard Chigiri’s name being called. Snapping his head up, he saw a boy with light blue hair rushing out onto the field to tag Chigiri out. “Hiori” was written on his jersey.
“No…” Rensuke whispered out loud, unable to believe it.
Chigiri stalked off the field, fists clenched as he made his way over to the bench. The camera went back to the full field as play commenced once more, but Rensuke could feel in his soul the hurt Chigiri must’ve been feeling at that moment. Rensuke reached out to the screen. It was pathetic, but he wished at that moment to convey some of the understanding he held to Chigiri.
Of course, it wouldn’t reach. This game had happened who knows how long ago, and Chigiri had probably gotten over it. He wasn’t constantly reminded that he wasn’t enough, couldn’t be enough as he was. Not like Rensuke.
Rensuke’s hand dropped from the screen, and he turned the television off.
“I’ve seen enough…” he said to no one but himself. “This…none of this was supposed to happen. I’m sorry, princess.”