Work Text:
“Geoff it’s six in the bloody morning. Why the hell have we had to get up this early?” Gavin groans as he pads into the boardroom in his pyjamas which consist of a pair of his boxer shorts and one of Michael’s T-shirts that he’d found on his pillow. He rubs sleep from his eyes and it’s lucky that Jack’s guiding him by his shoulders because he’d probably have crashed into a table by now if not.
Michael and Jeremy are the same behind him but luckily Ray’s somewhat awake enough to keep the group moving in the right direction. The lads are trying desperately to wake up because they’ve all assumed this has to be important but until bullets start flying they’re all still as dead as a doornail.
“Guys, please look alive.” Geoff says with a sigh, “I doubt you want to have a meeting with Burnie when you look like a zombie?” He asks and Jeremy’s the first one to react.
“Burnie?” He almost yells. “I’ve only got boxers on! I don’t want a meeting with Burnie in my boxers!” He shrieks, stumbling backwards and into Ray. “Jesus Christ, Geoff, you could have given us a little bit of warning!”
“Jeremy.” Jack sighs softly, removing the jacket he already had on. “Here.”
He hands over the jacket for Jeremy to wear and it almost swallows him whole. The material itself reaches his knees and it hangs past his fingers but admittedly Jeremy’s quite content like that.
“Okay, better. Still not happy about this. But it’s better.” Jeremy huffs and slides into a chair around the long table.
The others follows suite and soon all the chairs are filled except Ryan’s. Gavin, now actually awake, glances around the room.
“Geoff… where’s Rye?” He asks quickly with a frown.
“He’ll be here in a minute.” Geoff promises, “But for now we can start without him.”
“Why does Ryan get to get up later?” Gavin protests, “Bloody unfair that is.” He sulks but the rest just ignore him as per usual. The Brit huffs a little but everyone else is more focused on their leader than him.
It’s no surprise because Geoff looks anxious. He hasn’t sat down and is instead pacing by the monitor, no doubt ready to accept Burnie’s call when it comes through. Geoff won’t meet their eyes, he’s playing with his hands too but he’s still somehow conveying a position of authority. The group puts it down to experience.
“Geoff, what’s going on?” Ray asks quietly. He’s nervous to know because Geoff doesn’t often get like this. Unless he’s bringing bad news. “Oh god, who died?” He asks, eyes wide.
“Someone died?” Gavin questions instantly, his voice high and nervous. “Geoff, who died?” He repeats with his eyebrows furrowing sadly.
“No one died. I promise. Guys, calm down.” Geoff answers, waving his hands a little to try and tone down the situation. “Stop panicking.” He sighs as he chews nervously on his bottom lip.
“Geoff, just tell us what’s going on.” Jack speaks up now. His arms are wrapped around Michael who still looks half asleep despite everything that’s going on. Though it’s his own fault really because he stayed up till four in the morning playing Overwatch with Ray. “You’re making this a lot worse in our heads.”
The Skype ringtone plays through the speakers and Geoff turns away from the group of five to answer the call. Jack’s still eyeing up Geoff carefully when Burnie’s face appears on the large screen in front of them like a futuristic floating head.
“Jesus Christ, Burnie…” Gavin giggles and the man rolls his eyes, his face spread out across the ginormous screen.
“Good morning to you as well, Gavin.” He says with a fond smile over riding his annoyance. Gavin is well known to Burnie since he’s the lad that spends the most time with him. However Burnie remembers a significantly younger Gavin than the one that’s in front of him today. It’s been a while since the CEO has actually dropped round to the Fakes pent house himself.
“It’s not good. It’s fucking six in the morning.” Michael mutters weakly and Jack taps him for swearing in a meeting. However the Jersey lad just groans softly in return. “Don’t hit me. I’ll swear if I want. I’ve had two hours sleep.”
“By choice, Michael.”
“Not by choice, Jack! I didn’t plan on getting up till midday!” Michael hisses.
“Complain much more and I’m dumping you off my lap.” Jack threatens quickly which causes Michael to just cling on for dear life with a whine.
“Meanie.” He whispers as Burnie carries on speaking, not having a clue that two members of the crew are having a deathly quiet fight in the corner.
Gavin’s staring at the screen intently now, trying to work out if he can tell what’s happening by Burnie’s face. He discovers he can’t. While Geoff is still pacing nervously beside the computer Burnie doesn’t look at all phased which means that whatever the problem is here is going to hit closer to home than work.
“So, I presume Geoff has told you what’s going on?” Burnie asks and suddenly his expression changes from calm to a little pained.
“No.” Ray states firmly, glancing at Geoff out of the corner of his eye. “He hasn’t told us anything.” The man almost sounds bitter in his choice of tone and it makes Jeremy next to him flinch sideways a little.
“Oh hell…” Burnie mumbles, “I thought he would have rather told you than me.” He sighs, glancing to Geoff. They exchange looks together as though forgetting that an entire room can still see them.
“Shouldn’t we really wait for Ryan? If this is as important as you say it is?” Jeremy pipes up uncomfortably.
“Well, it’s actually concerning him.” Burnie explains but the vagueness just fuels the crew’s anger. Nobody’s had any coffee yet today and it’s clear they’re all a little bit tetchy without their morning energy boost. Although Geoff’s looking more like he wants to down a glass of whiskey rather than coffee right now.
“Just fucking tell us!” Gavin yells and not even Jack bothers to tell him to calm down as Jeremy flinches from the sudden noise. The Brit’s half way out of his seat, leaning across the table with his palms flat on the surface. Michael’s sitting forward on Jack’s lap instead on curling into it like he was a moment ago and Ray’s folding is arms with a look of thunder as Jeremy glances between everyone in confusion.
The tension in the room has raised tenfold.
It’s only Jeremy who’s relatively quiet now. It may have something to do with the adorableness of him swamped in Jack’s hoodie but he can’t look intimidating if he tries.
“Burnie! What the fuck’s going on?!” Michael shouts to and he and Gavin seem to be having a competition as to who can get their voice the loudest. Their voices are still gruff from sleep but their shouting is getting rather rowdy.
Burnie’s about to reply. Honest to god he is, but before his mouth even opens half way Ryan’s voice comes from the doorway.
“I have to go away for a while.” The gent says gently and suddenly all heads turn his way.
“What?” Gavin asks in confusion. It’s early in the morning and his brain can’t comprehend what this has to do with anything.
Ryan’s completely dressed despite the early hour. He’s got a bag on his back and there’s a suitcase by his feet. There’s no face paint and his mask is nowhere to be seen either which already gives them all a bad feeling.
If Ryan was going away for business reasons he would most certainly have donned his usual attire. Instead he looks more like he’s going on holiday than going to work.
“Where are you going?” Ray asks quietly as he turns where he sits and takes in Ryan’s new look. It’s somewhat disturbing him just how casual their murderer can look. There’s no hint of after heist paint still lingering on his face. He looks relatively well kept instead of exhausted from insomnia and his hair is neat combed instead of roughly brushed through with his fingers.
“On the last heist you performed somebody pulled off Ryan’s mask and he wasn’t wearing his face paint. There’s security footage of him and there’s rumours swimming around the LSPD. We’ve heard whispers of the Feds being placed on his tail.” Burnie explains and the others look horrified.
Secrecy is important to Ryan and they all know it. The LSPD don’t have so much as a name for Ryan, let alone a face. He never speaks in custody or out on a heist because the last thing that he wants is for them to hear his voice.
It’s a method that Ryan has held for years now and it’s always worked in their favour. It means Ryan can go anywhere he pleases along as he removes the face paint or mask. He can post bail for the boys without being arrested himself. He can do simple tasks without worrying and it works wonders for him.
A vicious murderer hidden in plain sight.
A mass murderer who would be sentenced for life if only they knew who he was.
Ryan doesn’t speak again. He just stares down at the floor for a while as the others look upon him in shock. If this was any of the rest of them it wouldn’t matter so much. Gavin’s known by the entirety of Los Santos by now and he lives off it.
All of their faces are up in the LSPD as wanted men except Ryan.
Never Ryan.
“So we’re sending him away until we can sort this out.” Geoff explains from where he stands but no one turns back to him now.
“He’ll be going to France where we have contacts who can keep him safe and hidden.” Burnie continues gently.
“How long for?” Gavin almost whispers. He’s still not gone back to sitting in his chair but instead of leaning over his desk in anger he now stands, hugging his middle sadly.
“As long as we need before the threat is eliminated. We’ll be dealing with those who know. Hacking and deleting records and footage of Ryan’s identity; replacing it with new information proclaiming his death.” Burnie tells the group and they all nod slowly as Ryan moves from the doorway and comes to stand by the table.
The crew manage to tear their eyes away from the gent to focus back on Burnie and Geoff.
“It’ll probably take about a month for them to believe that he’s actually gone and for the trail to die out.” Geoff adds when it’s clear the group actually wants a proper answer. “And he’s leaving this morning.”
“This morning?” Jeremy exclaims, eyes wide and his mouth open in horror.
“Why didn’t we get to know before, Geoff?” Jack asks quietly. He’s the only one not expressing any form of anger. He just looks disappointed and confused.
“Because we knew you wouldn’t react well.” Geoff answers and as much as it hurts the group knows he’s right.
“That’s because he’s not just a crew member, Geoff.” Jack points out and Gavin makes sounds of agreement. “Ryan’s our family. You can’t just expect us to get over this?”
“Jack, I have to go…” Ryan says softly. He drops his back onto the floor and makes his way over to the other gent’s chair. “You know I can’t stay when they know who I am.” He mumbles as Jack gets to his feet and Michael stands up too. Ryan cups Jack’s cheeks into his hands and kisses his lips gently.
“You better be careful.” Jack whispers to his boyfriend as he envelopes him into a tight hug.
“I should probably go.” Burnie says quickly as the two continue to have their moment. “Good luck, Ryan.”
Ryan glances up out of the hug and smiles at Burnie’s face on the screen before the man signs off and the monitor goes black. Geoff isn’t quite sure what to do with himself and the lads are all sat around in stunned silence.
“Alright,” Jack starts as he takes charge of the situation. “How long before you leave?” He asks Ryan.
“Burnie’s sending a plane for seven.”
“So we’ve got, what, half an hour?” Jack works out. “Five minutes to say goodbye to each of us.”
The group has piled into the living room early that morning. One by one they leave with Ryan to say their goodbyes. Ray and Jack have already been in and Jeremy’s waiting to go next.
Gavin doesn’t know what he’s going to say to Ryan in that room. Since they heard the news he’s felt numb and alone even though there’s people surrounding him it’s as if they aren’t there. No soft touches by Jack help. Being pulled into an embrace by Michael is futile and even when he finds himself trying to comfort Ray it feels like he’s barely even there.
Instead he opts to sit by himself in an armchair where no one else can bother him until it’s his turn. Geoff tries to join him by sitting on the back of the chair but when Gavin doesn’t respond to his words he knows it’s better to leave the man alone.
Eventually everyone goes in and comes out which leaves Gavin till last. He appreciates this though because maybe then it won’t be so hard. Ryan’s already done five goodbyes. He should know how to do it by now.
What Gavin doesn’t expect is to walk into the main bedroom to find a very tearful and worked up Ryan. It almost immediately breaks Gavin out his daze.
“Rye?” He asks quickly, shutting the door behind him and dashing over to the gent’s side. “Rye, what’s up?”
The questions out of his mouth before Gavin can realise how stupid that sounds and he shakes his head as Ryan gives him a look.
“That was silly, I know.” Gavin says and even Ryan manages to chuckle a little. “You know what I mean though.”
Ryan pauses for a moment as Gavin comes to sit next to him on the large bed.
“I’d thought I’d be okay living by myself. I lived by myself for years.” Ryan starts with a deep breath. “But then I met you all and I fell in love with you all. The way you act, the way you speak. All your different personalities and little habits.”
“Oh Ryan, I never pegged you for a soppy one.” Gavin tries to tease to lighten the mood and it works just a little because Ryan elbows him in the ribs. “Hey, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! If it makes you feel any better, it won’t be the same around here without you and your face paint that gets everywhere.”
There’s silence for a moment and Ryan’s stopped crying a while ago but it’s obvious he’s still sad. Suddenly Gavin’s pulled into a tight hug and even though Ryan’s crushing every bone in his body and squeezing all last remaining air out his lungs he’s not going to complain.
He’d make this hug last as long as he possibly can because the longer they cling together then the longer he has until Ryan has to leave.
“You better not forget about me while you’re off having fun in France.” Gavin mutters into his ear. “I know you know the crew down there. Don’t have too much fun.”
“How can I forget about you, Gavin?” Ryan whispers in return, “Maybe it’ll just be more peaceful without your constant racket.”
The two laugh together, faces still buried into each other’s shirts and Gavin doesn’t even know he’s started crying. But there’s tears and they’re running down his face faster than he can make them stop.
“Don’t. You’ll set me off again.” Ryan protests but Gavin can’t help himself and suddenly the embrace gets tighter and Gavin never wants to let go. If he lets go then it’s over.
But eventually it has to come to an end and Ryan pulls away with Gavin reluctantly letting him.
“You’re so fucking important, Ryan Haywood.” Gavin tells him, wiping away tears with his sleeve.
“You too, Gavin. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know the others sometimes like to tease you but nothing they say is true.” Ryan responds with a fond smile. “You’re more than what meets the eye.”
“Ryan you sound like you’re going off to war and might die.” Gavin giggles a little though his sobs, “Like you’re trying to give me your last words.”
“Well if it’s war then I need to give you something to remember me by.” Ryan declares dramatically. He gets off the bed and heads to one of the cupboards that he claimed as his own. Having to stand on his tip toes to see right into the back Ryan finally pulls out a long piece of material that turns out to be a scarf.
He walks back to Gavin, folds it carefully and presents it to the younger man.
“Here.” Ryan says as though Gavin is supposed to realise what’s happening. Gavin, instead, just stares up at him confused. “It’s to remember me by.” He says and Gavin laughs out loud this time as he reaches out to take the scarf.
“Sometimes I forget you’re the biggest dork in this family.” Gavin teases. He gets to his feet and presses a kiss to Ryan’s lips gently, clutching the scarf tightly in his hands.
Ryan wraps his arms around Gavin’s waist as they kiss. It’s long and drawn out but Gavin doesn’t mind at all. He knows they eventually have to pull apart but he doesn’t want it to be any time soon.
One week into Ryan’s absence and it’s Geoff and Michael in particular who notice a difference in Gavin.
“Gav! Wanna come play DOOM with us?” Michael asks as Gavin walks into the kitchen to grab a snack in the middle of the afternoon.
“Can’t. I’m working.” Gavin responds as he takes the apple juice from the fridge and pours himself a glass. He’s rooting through the cupboard to find a suitable food when Michael turns and frowns at him.
“You’ve been working all week, Gavin. Take a break, yeah?” Michael suggests but Gavin just shakes his head.
“I’m busy, boi. Maybe later.” He tells him before disappearing from the room.
“That’s what you said yesterday.” Michael mutters under his breath before he turns back to his game. It doesn’t take him too long to push Gavin’s odd behaviour to the back of his mind as he screams as other players down his headset, but the niggling feeling is still there.
Gavin takes his food and drink back to his office where he’s been camping for the past couple of days. He’s been holed up at his desk slowly working his hacker skills.
Burnie requested that Gavin was put in charge of clearing out Ryan’s information from the LSPD’s archives and replacing it with the knowledge that Ryan had died. Gavin was the only person that Burnie trusted not to leave a traceable trail back to the crew and could, instead, make this look like the real deal.
For this to work Gavin was having to remove and change information bit by bit so that no one became suspicious. If all the data on Ryan Haywood changed immediately then the police would have known that someone else was doing it. However if it disappeared so slowly that the cops didn’t notice than they were should they could get away with it.
Gavin is fine with taking this job. It keeps him occupied and busy; he has less time for worrying and moping if he’s got his brain on the task at hand but it’s starting to worry his boys a little.
The British lad hasn’t come to bed in three days and has instead been crashing on his couch in the office or falling asleep at his desk where he works.
The day before Jack had to come in and carry the exhausted man to bed at four in the morning when he woke and realised Gavin wasn’t there but alone with his face down on his keyboard. Jack practically had to wrestle Gavin in order to keep him there when he woke up and realised he wasn’t at his desk.
Geoff walks into Gavin’s office shortly after he’s settled down with his lunch.
“What’re you up to?” Geoff asks, leaning on the back of Gavin’s leather chair and kissing the top of his boyfriend’s head gently. He notices a familiar looking scarf wrapped around the Brit’s neck even in the height of June heat.
“I’m working.” Gavin answers without even looking up from his screen where he’s typing away furiously in some sort of hacker language that Geoff can’t even fathom to understand.
“You’ve been working all week.”
“You sound like Michael.”
“Well then, maybe that means we’re on to something?” Geoff suggests softly. He straightens up after a while when it’s clear that Gavin isn’t going to turn around. He chews the inside of his cheek worriedly.
“Have you heard from Ryan?” Gavin asks, changing the subject completely.
“Not yet.” Geoff replies and his eyes narrow.
“It’s been a week.”
“I know but he’s got to find a secure line.”
“If you’d give me his number I could find one for him.” Gavin points out in a way that would have sounded cocky if it had come from anyone else. Honestly, it sounded cocky coming from Gavin but Geoff could let it slide.
“I’ll talk to Burnie about that.” Geoff tells him, patting the hacker’s chair a few times before he decides to leave the room.
Michael’s outside with arms folded as Geoff heads out. He’s tapping his foot impatiently on the ground and a look of expectation on his face.
“You’re right. Somethings up.” Geoff says before Michael even needs to speak.
Two weeks into Ryan’s absence and the entire crew starts to notice Gavin’s change of demeanour. He’s not being mean or rude. He’s still lovable and Gavin but nowadays he’s becoming distant.
“Gav…” A sleepy Jeremy whines softly as he comes to crash on the couch where Gavin’s watching a movie. He flops into Gavin’s lap and curls up comfortably.
“Lil’J.” Gavin responds quietly, moving the ends of the scarf that’s around his neck so that Jeremy doesn’t strangle him.
Upon instinct Gavin starts to play with Jeremy’s hair but he doesn’t say another word as he does. The other doesn’t particularly mind, after all it’s just nice to have the company but it does worry him that Gavin hasn’t even tried to make a joke or insult yet. Those are usually falling from Gavin’s mouth the moment anyone comes near him.
He puts it down to Gavin being tired too and settles down to watch the film together in silence.
The others join soon enough. Michael and Geoff set themselves up on the other couch with Michael curled into Geoff’s side contently. Ray joins them half way through the film, managing to fit himself into Geoff’s arms as best he can even if he has to hold onto Michael to stop himself from falling off of the sofa.
When Jack appears he doesn’t want to sit by himself so he moves Gavin and Jeremy slightly to slip underneath them. Gavin’s now leaning against the bigger gent with Jeremy almost asleep on his stomach.
He closes his eyes himself and lets his brain wander.
This isn’t the same without Ryan.
It’s the first thing he can think of and once the thought is in his brain it refuses to leave. Cuddling up on the sofa isn’t right without Ryan. Eating meals isn’t right without Ryan. Going out on heists isn’t right without Ryan.
Sleeping isn’t right without Ryan either.
Gavin opens his eyes and glances around the room. By looks alone it seems to him as if no one else seems to care about Ryan’s departure.
They’d still yet to hear from the gent because of ‘safety reasons’ and Gavin wonders if he’s lonely by himself. The French crew were nice, Gavin had met them a few times via webcam, but they weren’t his family. They weren’t his boyfriends.
Gavin wonders if Ryan feels as empty as he does.
It’s stupid because Gavin isn’t alone. He shouldn’t feel so hollow when there are five other people around him. People who love him and care about him.
But it’s not the same when one member is missing.
The next breath Gavin takes is ragged and even if he doesn’t mean it to be it sounds odd among the calm and relaxed breathing of the rest of his boys.
“You okay?” Jack whispers softly, petting Gavin’s hair and causing him to look up quickly.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Gavin answers, brushing off the concern with a shake of his head and turns his attention back to the film.
It’s at the three week mark that everything changes. Gavin’s spent night after night at his desk but finally all the information around Ryan has been removed from the LSPD’s database and the officers who knew anything have been unlawfully disposed of.
He wanders from his office at two in the morning and sits down on the couch in the living room. Gavin stays there for a moment and he can’t figure out what’s odd about this situation until it hits him.
There used to be a presence in this room into the earliest hours of the morning.
Ryan would stay up and read or watch TV. Sometimes he’d play games if he was feeling particularly awake but always, always, it was guaranteed that Ryan would be up at night.
Gavin was the one who interacted with this Ryan the most out of them all, except perhaps Ray. The Brit would stumble out of his office at a stupid time in the morning, his eyes bleary and his body weak from exhaustion.
He’d find Ryan on the couch and flop comfortably into his lap while the gent was busy with whatever it was he was doing. Ryan never complained, not once. Not even when Gavin falls asleep on top of him and he can’t move for fear of waking him up.
Because Gavin has minor self-destructive tendencies with the overworking and the forgetting to eat and drink but Ryan always keeps an eye on him.
He lets Gavin fall asleep and eventually, when he gets tired enough himself, he’ll carry the lad through into the bedroom. Ryan would then sandwich Gavin between himself and another and protectively curl around the Brit as he slept.
As Gavin sits there in the darkness tonight he can’t help but miss the comfort that the older gent would give him. His brain would race and charge with ideas and scenarios, sometimes not things he’d want to think about, but Ryan’s existence is inherently calming. Like Gavin has somehow wired his brain to believe that Ryan means safety.
Tonight he lets his head fall into his hands as he begins to sob quietly. Ryan’s scarf is still around his neck and as Gavin pushes his face down he can still smell the gent on the fabric. His cologne and his shower gel. His general scent overall.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been crying but at some point he feels a strong pair of arms around his shoulders and a second pair of hands on his knees.
Gavin glances up to find both Geoff and Jack looking on at him worriedly.
“Gavin… baby…” Geoff mumbles softly from where he’s crouched in front of the younger lad.
“What’s the matter?” Jack asks carefully. They aren’t mad. They’re not rushing him and despite his shitty behaviour over the last two weeks they’re being so kind. Gavin’s mind is suddenly filled with ideas on how he doesn’t deserve this kind of nice treatment.
He looks up at the both to see their concerned faces peering up at him and suddenly Gavin’s glad that they came instead of the lads. The lads would have teased him for crying, he’s sure. And while Geoff and Jack might mock a little later they understand right now that Gavin’s upset.
“It’s stupid…” Gavin answers, his words muffled by his hands so Geoff carefully pulls them away from his face. He clutches wet palms tightly against his own rough skin and Gavin continues to sob.
“It’s not stupid if it’s upsetting you, love.” Jack responds and Geoff nods in agreement.
“I miss Ryan.”
The two older men take a moment to look at each other. It should have been apparent earlier that Gavin had been acting strange since Ryan had gone but until now it hadn’t clicked. Jack pulls Gavin into an immediate hug and Geoff is still clutching at the lads hands.
“We miss Ryan too.” Jack answers again though he knows it’s not much comfort to the grieving man in front of him. “But he’s coming back, remember? Less than a couple of weeks now.”
“And information from the French crew says that he misses us as well.” Geoff adds on quickly as if that helps. Gavin’s still crying and hasn’t shown any sign of stopping as he buries his nose into the scarf around his neck.
“Is that Ryan’s?” Jack asks softly and Gavin nods.
“Said it was to remember him by.” He chuckles sadly, “He’s such an idiot sometimes.”
“That’s cute. We didn’t get scarves.” Geoff teases, poking Gavin the side which makes him coil away and further into Jack’s arms.
The lad is exhausted. His eyes are half lidded and his movements are sluggish. As he falls into Jack more and more he can feel himself falling asleep where he sits.
“Ryan’s going to come back as soon as possible, baby.” Geoff tells him, cupping his cheek gently and stroking it with his thumb. “We know how important he is to you.”
“You’re all important…” Gavin murmurs, smiling at the touch to his face. “I love you all… but nothings the same when Ryan’s missing.” He sits up for a moment and rubs his eyes. “Like if you were missing, Geoff… who would be there to cook our dinners and let me lay in your lap even when you’re working? Or Jack… if you weren’t here then who would keep me warm at night? It’s not the same when one person isn’t around.”
Jack and Geoff nod in agreement and understanding. Geoff kneels up and kisses Gavin’s lips gently.
“We’re a family, right?” Geoff asks him and Gavin smiles.
“Only one I’ve ever had.” He answers and it makes Geoff’s heart do a funny leap in his chest. The crew leader forgets sometimes that Gavin left everything behind in England when he was very young indeed. That he stowed his way to Los Santos and fought to stay alive on his own. Until Geoff had found him Gavin had only had himself.
Now Gavin is in a loving relationship with six other men who’d do anything for each other.
It’s quite the change of pace.
“Is that why you’ve been distant recently?” Jack questions carefully and Gavin glances up at him.
“Because Ryan’s not here? I suppose so… it doesn’t feel right to do stuff without him. So I just wanted to do everything to get him back and not do anything that he might miss.” He admits sheepishly. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a dick.”
“Oh, don’t be stupid, Gavin.” Geoff tells him, patting his knee. “You’re always a dick. Without you actually talking to us you’ve been nicer.” He grins and Jack pulls the lad away.
“Don’t listen to that asshole, love.” Jack tells him as Gavin buries his face into his torso.
“Hey, I’m kidding!” Geoff declares and Jack gives him a stern look. “C’mon, you should go to bed. You’re exhausted and it’s making you way too emotional.”
Gavin lifts his head but Geoff’s right. He is tired and it’s more than likely the reason why Gavin broke down at all. He just grunts in return and picks his feet up off the ground, curling further into Jack’s embrace.
Jack just smiles and stands with Gavin held firmly in his arms. He kisses Gavin’s temple lightly and Geoff strokes his hair for a moment before they make their way back to the main bedroom.
Inside the lads have all convened into a small pile on the right side of the bed. Jeremy’s in the middle with Michael pretty much covering the man with his entire body while Ray has his face pressed into Jeremy’s neck. They haven’t woken up since Geoff and Jack left them though and that’s the important thing.
Geoff sits on the edge of the bed and reaches to grab the sweatpants that Gavin’s been wearing to bed that week. Jack passes the lad, who’s pretty much fallen asleep by now in the arms of the larger gent, over to Geoff before going to root through the wardrobe.
He finds one of Ryan’s sweater in the cupboard and by the time he’s turned back around Gavin’s sleepily pulling on the sweat pants. Geoff’s still sat behind him, somewhat holding him up from the fear that he might just fall flat on his face if he lets go.
Jack smiles and tugs the sweater over Gavin’s head. It ruffles his hair and Jack has to chuckle when the Brit pulls a small face of confusion.
“Smells like Ryan…” Gavin mumbles a little, lifting the sleeve that just covers the palm of his hands to his nose.
“That’s the point.” Jack tells him, kissing his forehead as Geoff climbs into the bed. He lets Gavin get in next before joining the group.
Both the remaining gents are in silent agreement over the sleeping arrangements that night and they immediately cocoon Gavin inbetween them. He seems surprised for a moment but there’s a fond smile on his face as the men take turns in kissing him gently.
“You’ll feel better about this soon.” Geoff whispers softly as Michael rolls over and curls into his back, releasing Jeremy.
“I’ll feel better when Ryan’s back home.” Gavin says quietly as he takes a deep breath.
“We all will.”
After that night Gavin becomes a lot clingier than before. He follows the crew around as much as he can, curls up on them the moment they sit down, and steals their clothes. While he often gravitates towards the gents for this affection because they remind him the most of Ryan, he’s not exactly picky.
“Gavin, I’m trying to clean my rifle.” Ray grumbles as the Brit comes up behind him and snakes his arms around the other’s waist. Gavin’s already nuzzling his face into his neck, kissing him gently and while the feeling is nice Ray can’t help but become annoyed at the constant distraction that Gavin is coming.
He grunts a little and carries on his work until Gavin gets bored of the affection not being returned and goes to find someone else. Jack’s on the phone so after a quick hug Gavin knows he should probably leave the gent alone to his business.
Michael is the next victim as he hangs out with Geoff in the kitchen. He’s sat on the counter, watching Geoff cook them dinner and having a heated conversation about better fighting techniques. Unsurprisingly Geoff is arguing against running head first into an un-scouted building.
“It’s a viable fighting technique!”
“It’s fucking suicide, Michael.”
“Stealth, Geoff!”
“More like death…”
Gavin hops up next to him on the counter and kisses his cheek. Michael smiles softly and wraps his arms around Gavin’s waist, almost pulling the lad onto his lap rather than leaving him where he is. Gavin just giggles sweetly, face beaming as he’s embraced by his boyfriend but it doesn’t last long.
“Michael!” Jack calls out from his office.
“Yeah?” Michael yells back and Gavin scrunches up his face at the loud noise in his ear.
“C’mere. Burnie needs to talk to you. Something about taking a job with Joel?”
“Oh, yeah yeah. I know what that is. Hang on. Sorry, Gav.” Michael responds and carefully slides Gavin off his lap. This leaves him once again on the ground and without an embrace. Glancing to Geoff he’s quickly shot down.
“I’m busy baby. Go and see if Jeremy’s free.” Geoff tells him, kissing his nose with a smile before sending him on his way.
Gavin does as he’s told and eventually finds Jeremy in his office, screaming at his computer screen as he plays Overwatch.
“Bastard! Get him! Get him! Reaper on your left…. Careful!” Jeremy practically screeches so Gavin doesn’t even try to approach. He knows he’d probably get punched in the face accidentally if he went anywhere near that bundle of energy.
Instead he sighs and heads into the main bedroom. It’s only four in the afternoon but Gavin’s exhausted anyway. He was up all of last night transferring files for the next heist since his computer had decided to crash and spread his data all over the mainframe of the database he was hacking.
It had been a mess and he’d ended up getting into bed just as the sunrise was occurring. Gavin had gotten very little sleep overall because subsequently Jack had gotten up early and woken everyone too. Perhaps he could have a nap until dinner?
Gavin doesn’t exactly get changed except for taking off his jeans and putting a large sweater on over his T-shirt. He glances to the chest of drawers where Ryan’s scarf is laying and decides to wrap it around his neck. It’s not exactly a first thought of his to be concerned about strangling himself so he climbs into bed.
It doesn’t take the exhausted hacker very long to fall asleep. He’s been running on fumes all day, a mess of coffee and sugar just to keep his eyes open so as soon as his head touches the pillow he’s out like a light; his nose buried deep into Ryan’s scarf.
When he wakes up it’s almost dark outside which confuses him. Geoff was making dinner before he went to sleep so he can only assume they ate without him. He pushes himself out of bed though his head is pounding through remaining exhaustion and dehydration too.
Gavin decides to keep both the sweater and the scarf around his neck as he tries to find everyone else.
“Guys?” He calls out though he’s immediately confused. All the lights are off and the TV isn’t on. As he checks offices he finds everyone’s desks are empty and the board room isn’t showing signs of life either.
“Seriously, guys? Anyone around?” Gavin asks again but it soon becomes apparent that he’s alone. He walks into the kitchen as a last resort but all he finds is a note.
Gavin,
Went out for drinks.
You were asleep and I know you got in late last night. Didn’t want to wake you.
Dinner’s in the microwave. There’s a can of baked beans in the cupboard to go with it.
I love you,
Geoff <3
“Sweet.” Gavin smiles to himself as he leaves the note on the countertop and punches in two minutes into the microwave. He opens random cupboards until he finds the one he’s looking for. It takes a while but honestly, Gavin’s usual kitchen adventures only go as far as the fridge on a daily basis.
He hooks his finger around the ring pull of the tin and tugs as hard as he can. It sticks for a moment so Gavin pulls harder. The lid flies off, the serrated edge catching his arm and slicing the skin. Gavin hisses and drops the tin onto the counter as he grabs for his arm that’s already started bleeding.
“Oh, for fucks sake.” Gavin grumbles, abandoning the food on the side as he clutches his injury beneath sweaty palms. It looks deep but he can’t be bothered to deal with it right now.
Instead, while he waits for his food to finish going round and round he heads to the full length windows of the pent house and stares out of it. It’s dusk outside and the stars are just beginning to shine in the sky.
As he looks down at the buzzing city below he tries to guess in just which bar his boys have gone to tonight. Gavin doesn’t mind being left at home. While his mood has become better and a lot clingier to his lovers he does sometimes find himself wanting to be left alone.
Tonight is one of those nights.
Gavin puts it down to lack of sleep and hunger since it his mood has changed so quickly.
He glances up from the rooftops of the Los Santos buildings and instead stares out past the city and over the mountains. He gazes in the general direction of France – though Gavin doesn’t have a clue what direction France is actually in, but hey, the world is round so every direction is technically the right direction, yes?
“How’re you doing buddy?” Gavin whispers softly, his head falling against the glass with a soft thunk. It’s cool against his forehead and he doesn’t do much to move, not even when he hears the microwave beeping incessantly for a few moments.
Tears start to slip down his cheeks before he can even stop them and Gavin doesn’t even remember beginning to feel sad before he’s sobbing again. He doesn’t know if it’s loneliness or the pain in his arm that’s causing him to cry but he’s not stopping any time soon. This time there’s no one in the house to comfort him. No Jack or Geoff to make him feel better or to hold him against them. No Michael to tell him to stop being a baby. Or Ray or Jeremy to awkwardly try and make him feel better through awful jokes.
“Why do I miss you so much when there are still five people here that love me?” Gavin asks to no one though it’s intended audience is clear. “You’re alone and I bet you’re not doing as bad as me. I can’t even open a fucking can of beans without almost dying.”
He sighs for a moment as he hears the pent house elevator doors open up.
Instantly he tries to wipe away the tears streaming down his face but it’s difficult as his eyes have become red and weepy. Before he can even register there’s a strong pair of arms wrapping around his waist from behind and pulling him into their chest.
“Thought you were going out tonight?” Gavin sniffs a little as he tries to hide the fact that he’s been crying. “It’s not even dark. What happened? Did Lil’ J throw up again?” He teases, forcing out a week laugh.
“I’ve been gone for a month, Gavin. I think that’s enough don’t you?” A deep voice answers and Gavin’s eyes spring wide open. He turns himself in the man’s arms and inhales sharply at the sight.
“Ryan!” He practically yells, flinging his arms around the gent’s neck immediately and pulling the taller man down to his height. Gavin’s already up on his tip toes as it is and he’s pressing his face further and further into Ryan’s neck.
There are more tears than there were before and they wet Ryan’s skin in hot patches as Gavin doesn’t even try to stop them from coming. He sobs loud and harsh, struggling to catch his breath as he begins to hyperventilate.
A rush of emotions in Gavin’s brain has caused him to completely overflow.
“Gavin…” Ryan whispers in concern for the younger man as he continues to cry loudly and without end. “Gavin… God, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asks, trying to pry Gavin away from him so he can see his face but Gavin just clings on harder. The borrowed sweater rides up his torso, exposing his back to the cold evening’s air that radiates from the pent house window but right now he doesn’t care.
“I missed you so much… I was scared you wouldn’t come back.” Gavin almost wails. He knows it’s childlike and he knows it’s rubbish but for a while the lad was genuinely scared.
“Hey, come on… I’m never going to leave you all for that long.” Ryan soothes softly and as Gavin moves back for a moment to be able to actually see Ryan’s face he realises that he’s left blood stains on Ryan’s clean shirt.
“Shit… Shit I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry. I forgot I was bleeding… Oh fucking shit.” Gavin mumbles, turning his arm over and pushing down across the wound to try and stem the blood flow.
Ryan glances to his shirt with a frown but he’s not mad. His face drops into concern almost instantly as he glances to Gavin’s arm.
“What did you do?” He asks softly as he gently takes the Brit’s hand away from the injury. Ryan’s eyebrows raise when he spots the deep cut in his forearm. It shouldn’t surprise him at all. They’ve all been injured worse than this in various heists.
Caught up in explosions, shot by bullets. They’ve almost had their throats slit multiple times but there’s something about seeing Gavin’s tear-stained cheeks as he gazes down at his bleeding arm, still sniffling from his crying.
“Tried to open the beans.” Gavin practically whispers. He almost doesn’t want Ryan to hear him. Doesn’t want the gent to know how fucking stupid he’s been and felt since he’s been away.
“Idiot.” Ryan tells him but there’s fondness in his tone and affection in his eyes that makes Gavin’s face flush and his knees weak with joy.
“I know.” The lad answers with a soft chuckle. He wipes at his eyes roughly to try and dry his tears.
“C’mon, I’ll patch you up.” Ryan tells him, slipping his hand into Gavin’s and taking him into the bathroom.
It’s been a month since Gavin felt Ryan’s calloused fingers intertwined with his own. Rough from wielding weapons but expertly gentle and tender. He squeezes lightly and a smile finds its way onto his lips as Ryan squeezes back.
Gavin’s led like a small child as he enters the bathroom. He sits on the closed toilet lid and swings his legs back and forth for a moment as Ryan searches the first aid kit for a bandage.
He takes a moment just to stare at the gent. This is the first time he’s gotten a good look at him since he returned and Gavin can’t help but think he looks a little different. There’s heavier bags under Ryan’s eyes than there used to be. He looks skinnier too, like he hasn’t been eating properly.
“Did you have a good time in France?” Gavin asks quietly, watching Ryan carefully as he answers.
“It was alright.” Ryan responds, not quite meeting Gavin’s eyes. There’s no expression on his face, not even a smile.
“Liar.” Gavin declares. Gavin knows how to lie to people, how to tell if their lying to him. Ryan clearly is.
“I’m not!”
“You are.”
“Not.”
“Are.”
“Not.” Ryan tries to end but after a moment he sighs and shakes his head. “It sucked without you all with me.” He finally admits and Gavin shouldn’t smile but he does. “Okay, well don’t look so happy about that.” Ryan frowns.
“No… No I’m not happy that you were sad.” Gavin responds immediately, shaking his head. “I’m just happy that I wasn’t the only one who had a shit month I suppose.”
Ryan opens a bandage’s packaging and starts to unravel it carefully.
“You had a shit month too?” He asks softly, wrapping the pristine, white bandages around Gavin’s bloody arm.
“The worst.” Gavin says, leaning back against the cistern of the toilet with a sigh. “Life’s shit without you, Rye… We’re not a family when someone’s missing.” He explains.
“At least you had the others.” Ryan points out. “I have to say it’s not so much fun being away from everyone for an entire month.”
Gavin pauses for a minute. Suddenly he feels awful. He’s been moping for a full month about how his life is shit without Ryan but he rarely stopped to think about what life must have been like for the Vagabond all alone.
He’s silent as Ryan tightens his bandage, pulling it enough to tie off. The gent takes Gavin’s hand and raises his arm, kissing gently along his bandaging with a smile.
“Better.” Ryan tells him softly and Gavin finally stands up.
Now that he’s not bleeding and not sobbing he wraps both of his arms around Ryan’s neck and pulls him close. Gavin’s up on his tip toes to reach but he doesn’t plan on letting go.
“Gav..?” Ryan questions quietly but Gavin just shakes his head. The older man doesn’t ask again and instead just places his arms around the middle of Gavin’s back, kissing the top of his head every so often.
As Gavin hugs him he can feel how skinny Ryan’s gotten; how he must have lost weight without really meaning too. It’s not a large difference, not one that a friend would notice. But for two people who spend so much time holding each other as they do, Gavin knows exactly what Ryan’s body should feel like.
They all do in this relationship.
“You hungry?” Gavin asks after a solid two minutes of silently hugging the gent.
“Starving.” He responds honestly and Gavin has to hold back the sound of concern that forces its way up his throat.
“There’s dinner in the microwave.” He tells Ryan with a nod, carefully ignoring the fact that the dinner was supposed to be his own. “Burnie must have called and told them you were coming back home tonight.” Gavin lies smoothly and either Ryan’s too hungry to care or he actually believes the smooth talking hacker.
They finally pull back from each other and Gavin rearranges the bandage around his arm quickly before walking out into the kitchen. Ryan stops behind for a moment to put the first aid kit away and Gavin reheats the food for another thirty seconds since it’s cooled down while he was distracted.
He simply pushes the can into the bin, not bothering to try and salvage the contents since it was now mixing with his blood. Ryan joins him as he’s hovering over the counter and wraps his arms back around Gavin’s waist.
The Brit immediately melts into the contact as though he hasn’t been touched in years. His eyes close and a happy smile pulls its way onto his lips.
“You look tired.” Ryan points out and Gavin just shrugs as the microwave beeps at him.
“Late nights recently.” Gavin answers, forcing himself to stand up straight and sort out the food. He pulls the fish and chips out, cutting into the fish to check that it’s heated all the way through before making his way out of Ryan’s grasp and to the table.
The gent follows him as Gavin puts down the food in his place, the two sitting opposite from each other. Ryan pours salt over his food, glances at Gavin and tilts his head.
“Why so many late nights?” He asks as Gavin lets his chin rest on the palm of his hand once he’s slid into the glass chairs around the table.
“Working mostly.” Gavin explains with a nod. “I was in charge of removing your identity from the police records. I could only really do it at night and it took a while to cover the trail.” He continues.
Ryan is one of the only people apart from perhaps Jeremy that will listen to Gavin talk technology. The way his eyes light up as he gets excited when things get complicated. The way that this kid that can normally barely speak right can dissolve into a complex explanation with confusing vocabulary at the drop of a hat.
He’ll sit there and listen for hours if he could. When Gavin finds something that interests and excites him he doesn’t usually shut up about it; much to the displeasure of most of the crew. But Ryan lives for those moments where Gavin just talks and talks. He’s not even sure that Gavin needs a person to talk to anymore.
“Well, you did a good job.” Ryan points out. “I’m back home after all.”
“That was the plan.” Gavin smiles, “Though it’s not the same when you’re not waiting up for me on the couch.” He adds with a hint of sadness. Ryan has a fork half way up to his mouth when it pauses.
“Gavin please tell me you’ve been sleeping…”
“I have!” He replies indignantly before his eyes fall to the table surface, running a fingertip over the stained wood.
“Gav.” Ryan says sternly and Gavin sighs loudly, letting his hand fall onto the table heavily. As good as Gavin is at lying, he’s not putting on a convincing show tonight. Perhaps because he doesn’t actually want Ryan to believe him.
“No, I haven’t. Because I like routine as much as I like chaos. I like having you waiting up for me when I work late. I like having you there to snuggle with so I can fall asleep. I like things being the same as they always are.” Gavin complains. “And I know that’s totally unfair of me because you’ve had to be all by yourself! But this past month has been really fucking shitty for me… And I shouldn’t be anything special because we’ve all dealt with your absence so now I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me!”
He’s been staring at the table for that entire outburst but raises his head as he finishes, chewing the inside of his cheek nervously.
“I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“Why are you sorry, Gavin? You’re allowed to have emotion. You’re allowed to be sad and angry about things.” Ryan tells him, putting his fork down completely and touching the Brit’s shoulder.
“But I shouldn’t try to be special about it.” Gavin tries to explain angrily, clenching his fists.
“But you are special. That’s what I love about you. It’s what I love about all of you.” Ryan starts. “I adore staying up with you at night as much as I love watching Ray play on his DS. As much as I love discussions with Jack or kissing Michael. There’s something I love about every single one of you and every single one of you is special.” He says with a smile. “And call me crazy but I knew this would be hardest on you out of everyone.”
Gavin’s staring at him in confusion. Of course he knows that Ryan loves everyone. It’s the same way that he loves everyone. The entire relationship wouldn’t work if they didn’t all love each other. But hearing Ryan describe it is new.
“Why?” Is all he says for now. Why means a lot of things. A lot of things that Gavin doesn’t know how or when to address.
“I’ve never seen you cry as much as you did when I left.”
“You cried too.”
“I did, I’m not denying that.”
Gavin doesn’t reply. He just stands from where he’s sitting, unclenches his fists with a cleansing sigh and walks away.
“Eat your dinner. You’ve gotten too skinny.” He says as he heads off. Ryan sighs out gently but continues putting food in his mouth anyway. He can’t tell if Gavin’s angry or just conflicted. Either way, Ryan doesn’t like it.
He finishes up the food quite quickly because Gavin’s right. He has gotten skinnier while he was away. Not purposefully at all but simply because without constant reminding Ryan has always had a tendency to forget about basic human needs.
When he’s done shovelling dinner into his mouth he puts his plate into the sink that he was sure Michael would complain about later and heads off to find where Gavin’s disappeared to.
The first place he checks is the bedroom and he’s glad it is because Gavin’s lying there, in the middle of their large bed, hugging himself close and his nose buried into a piece of material. It takes a moment but Ryan recognises the blue and green pattern as his scarf.
He smiles softly at the thought of Gavin having been wearing it while he was gone. A little piece of him wherever the Brit goes.
Ryan’s quiet as he slips off his shoes and his jeans. He kicks them into the corner of the room to worry about later and removes the bloodstained collared shirt, replacing it with a clean T-shirt from his cupboard.
He’s still quiet as he joins Gavin in the bed, sliding under the covers behind the lad and positioning himself so he’s able to wrap his arms around the Brit’s skinny frame. Gavin’s stiff for a moment, like he’s purposefully trying not to relax but Ryan doesn’t let go.
It only takes a moment but it feels like a life time until Gavin’s pressing back into his chest, his hands cupping Ryan’s sturdy arms and his eyes closing as he tries to find words.
“I love you.” Gavin says. It’s quiet and breathy but he means it. He truly does.
“I love you too.” Ryan responds softly, not wanting to say anything to make him mad again. He wants to know what happened but he’s scared it’ll set him off. Fortunately for Ryan he doesn’t even have to ask.
“It just made me mad that you weren’t angrier at me.”
Ryan doesn’t know how to take that at first. It’s hardly what he expected to hear Gavin say and he stutters over the beginning of multiple sentences before he finds the right one.
“You… You are… Why…. How come…” Ryan flusters a little. “You wanted me to be mad?”
“Kinda.” Gavin says. “I was selfish and rude and only thought about myself while you were gone. I moped and took it out on the rest of the boys and I didn’t stop to think about you for more than ten minutes. Or them.” He sighs, shaking his head where he lays. “And then you came home and told me that I was special and all that shit… I suppose I just didn’t feel like I deserved it.”
Ryan sighs out gently, matching Gavin’s breathing so their chests rise and fall together comfortably in unison.
“You know what, Gavin?” Ryan asks, “I’m just glad to be home and have you back in my arms.” Ryan tells him. “I’m not gonna get mad at you an hour after I get home. I’m just happy to see you.” He says, “And hold you.”
Ryan squeezes Gavin’s waist gently, leaning across and kissing his temple.
“And kiss you too…” He murmurs and a small smile pulls against Gavin’s lips.
The Brit’s eyes close again and he doesn’t realise how tired he was until now. Once they’re closed he barely has the energy to open them again.
“I bloody love you so much.” Gavin tells him again and Ryan just smiles.
“Go to sleep, Gav.” He says gently, rubbing his thumb gently over Gavin’s bandaged forearm. “I love you too.”
“I also love your scarf…. Very warm in the middle of June.” Gavin quips. Ryan chuckles.
“Sleep.” He repeats and all of Gavin’s tension disappears completely. His body goes limp, his breathing heavier and his eyes fall completely closed without a fight.
Ryan doesn’t let him go that night. When the rest of the gang appear drunken and content he lets them pile around them. Geoff takes up Gavin’s other side with Michael clinging to him contently.
It’s Ray that takes up the space behind Ryan’s back and Jeremy then sticks to their sniper. For a change Jack takes the edge of the bed, arms wrapped firmly around Jeremy’s waist.
Warm and happy in their bed the boys ask for tales from France which Ryan happily gives. It’s not long before everyone except Ryan himself is completely asleep but even the Vagabond gets tired eventually. Insomnia isn’t something that can keep sleep at bay for eternity.
And when he’s been away from his boyfriends for so long he wants nothing more than to happily sleep beside them.
Gavin wakes a couple of times in the night after Ryan’s fallen asleep. He almost forgets that the gent is back home but as soon as he remembers there’s no tension left in his body.
When Ryan is here Gavin feels safe.
When the entire family is here then that’s when Gavin can feel secure.
Every single man makes Gavin feel happy.
But maybe, just tonight, he has more of a soft spot for Ryan.