Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Buddy clutched onto the wall at the roller rink, his eyes widening at how unbalanced he was in these Godforsaken skates. "No, don't fall," he muttered, desperately clinging to the wall for fear of falling onto his ass and embarrassing himself.

Eric made his way over to his boyfriend, helping him stand upright as best he could when their feet weren't planted firmly on the solid ground. "Just take my hand," he said gently, offering his hand for Buddy to take.

Buddy grabbed Eric's hand, his panic visibly written on his face. "Please don't let me go," he whispered in Eric's ear.

"I won't let you go, mon amour," whispered Eric, helping Buddy take the first few steps when it came to skating.

Eventually, Buddy's panic ebbed, and a smile formed on his face, the boys laughing as they just spent time together and didn't worry about school, homework, part-time jobs, and a (sometimes) draining social life. After all, this day was just for Eric and Buddy.

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Eric held onto his glass as he observed the way Buddy's friends interacted with each other. He wasn't sure how he fit into their little gang, but maybe that was the point. Not one of them fit in with everyone else at school, even Buddy, which had surprised Eric momentarily. Well, maybe Eric shouldn't have been surprised in the end. Despite how popular Buddy was, he really didn't seem to get along with all the other popular kids in the "Rich Kid" clique, and Buddy often rolled his eyes at how some people in the "Jock" clique (mainly some of the guys) flexed their muscles all the time. Maybe this group wasn't so bad.

"Heracles, I am going to kick your ass!" Mitch exclaimed, chasing Randy around Buddy's basement.

And Eric spoke too soon. He laughed at the sight of Mitch chasing Randy, and Buddy stood by his side, choosing not to bother stepping in to stop Mitch.

"You're not going to do something?" Eric asked Buddy.

"Eh, let them tire themselves out," said Buddy.

"This is new," whispered Eric. He honestly felt at ease with Buddy's friends, and he just loved spending time with his boyfriend. "You are so cute," whispered Eric to Buddy.

"As are you," Buddy whispered back.

Eric and Buddy shared a quick kiss before Eric put his glass down and stepped in to prevent Mitch from pummeling Randy into the ground.

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As Eric and Buddy slipped out of Point Place High School's gymnasium, they held each other's hands, grinning at each other. They found a spot where the lights wouldn't cause them to be easily spotted, Buddy kissing Eric once they stopped walking. Eric kissed Buddy back, his face heating up as the kiss deepened. While they usually made out, Eric was still trying to get used to a relationship where hickeys and eventually sex were things that he saw himself being okay with again. After everything with Casey, Eric just couldn't fathom being intimate with Buddy yet.

"You know I love you, right?" Eric asked Buddy when they pulled away from each other.

"I know," said Buddy.

"I'm sorry about being hesitant to take things to the next level."

"It's okay, Eric. It's not your fault. Fucking Casey Kelso decided to be an asshole and take advantage of you. Please give me a reason not to kick Casey's ass."

"Because he left town, and no one's heard from him since?"

"You know, I don't need a reason. It's on sight if he ever comes back," said Buddy, pouting at the mere memory of Casey being with Eric.

"Hey, hey, I'm with you," said Eric, kissing Buddy's forehead.

"You are so cute," said Buddy, hugging Eric, nuzzling his neck.

"As are you," said Eric, holding Buddy close to him.

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Buddy smiled as Eric wrapped up his set at the nightclub that they had gone to for Eric to perform some songs he wrote. Ever since Casey had skipped town, things had been going so much better. Eric had vouched to go to therapy and was doing better mentally, channeling his negative emotions into something more constructive. It also helped that he and Buddy often participated in mock wrestling sessions with the "moron" friends, which also helped with anger that couldn't just be contained neither inside nor on paper.

"Thank you, Ecstasy, for performing tonight!" the emcee said as Eric stepped off the stage, slinging his guitar over his back.

The stage name had given Buddy a bit of pause at first. Especially since Eric had stopped smoking weed, therefore cutting the Circle out of his life, a drug-related stage name was an interesting choice. Eric had explained that it was the only E name that he could think of that would honestly make him feel a bit safer than using his legal name. Buddy had understood the worry, mentally preparing murder plots that were directed at Casey Kelso for continuing to make Eric feel unsafe. No amount of therapy would ever make Eric feel safe again.

As Eric approached the table where Buddy was, Buddy shook himself out of his thoughts, grinning at his boyfriend.

"You were good," he said.

Eric's face flushed due to the compliment, smiling at his shoes. "You are so cute," he said.

"As are you," said Buddy, leaving a tip on the table for the server.

The owner of the nightclub got Eric's address so he could send the payment from the night's profits to him, and the two boys left the nightclub. As they walked down the sidewalk, they held hands, enjoying the general peace and quiet of the streets. It wasn't until Eric grew tense, his face becoming pale, as he spotted the red Trans Am that he knew for a Goddamn fact didn't belong to Buddy.

"Can you hold me?" Buddy asked Eric.

"Hold you close to me?" Eric asked, needing the clarification.

"Hold me back," snarled Buddy, storming toward the Trans Am, before Eric grabbed him by his torso, holding him as tightly as he could.

"Hey, hot stuff," an all too familiar voice said, cutting through the silence.

Buddy glared at Casey with all the anger he could muster while Eric kept holding onto Buddy, trying not to remember the fateful night at the Le Motel.

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"Go to Hell!" Buddy spat at Casey, getting out of Eric's embrace while Eric remained frozen in place, his heart pounding so loudly that it was a wonder that neither Buddy nor Casey heard it. He stormed up to Casey, glaring him down.

"Oh, I've been there, thank you! I found it quite lovely," said Casey, pinching Buddy's cheek in a condescending way.

Buddy shoved his arm away, growling at him.

"Temper, temper," said Casey, smirking at Buddy.

"Why didn't you stay gone?" Buddy hissed.

"I have to visit my family every so often," said Casey. "Seeing Forman is just a perk."

"He's not yours! Not anymore!" Buddy near shouted.

Buddy and Casey's words grew somewhat muffled as Eric recognized the tightening in his chest, the perspiration forming on his forehead, the way he struggled to breathe. But he still couldn't move his feet or say a single word. Why couldn't he just move?!

"If you get near him, I swear to God-" snarled Buddy.

"You'll what, Buddy boy?" Casey asked Buddy, pushing past him, approaching Eric.

Buddy glowered at Casey, knowing fully well that he didn't have much of a physical advantage here. No matter how much he wrestled with the "moron" friends, Casey had a few years of preparing for basic training for the Army. How did mock wrestling matches compare to Army basic training?

"How you been, hot stuff?" Casey asked Eric, tracing a finger down his neck.

There weren't any hickeys and bruises left behind, thank God, but Eric couldn't just forget the grip Casey had on him, even if he no longer had that damn scarf. Come on! Just move! Shout! Scream! Say something! Anything he wanted to say crawled up his throat, but nothing came out aside from ragged breaths.

"Leave him alone," spat Buddy.

"I'm just trying to have a conversation with him, Buddy boy," said Casey to Buddy, facing him again.

"You promised," whispered Eric, his voice so quiet that it would have been difficult to hear him if there were so many people around them.

"What was that?" Buddy asked softly.

"What was that?" Casey asked, turning back to Eric.

"But you promised!" Eric cried, the words finally tearing their way out of his throat. "You promised that you'd respect my boundaries, that you'd never hurt me! You promised!"

"Why would I hurt you? I love-" began Casey, but Eric took a step back, feeling like he'd stepped in liquid concrete and was struggling to get out of it, covering his ears with his hands.

"Don't say that you love me because you don't!" Eric exclaimed. "If you loved me, you would have stayed away from me or made me feel like I could truly be myself when I was with you!" He finally looked at Casey again, tears in his eyes. That caused the former Private to look at the sidewalk, finding the cracks more interesting than the damage he'd inflicted. "Look at me! Why can't you look at me?! Why couldn't you love me?!"

"I do!"

"All of me!" Eric cried, hunching over slightly, clutching his guitar strap in his hands. "The fucked-up mess that I am and not just the Goddamn fantasy you wanted to see! Not the vulnerable teenager who didn't know who he was outside of his family and friends, not the teenager who was 'mature for his age,' but the guy who was just trying to do his damn best to be a better partner! The guy who was trying to be a better person! Why couldn't you see me for the mess that I am?!"

Buddy stayed quiet as Eric finally said what he needed to say, wanting nothing more than to embrace his boyfriend and let him know that he was seen for the mess that he was, the mess that Buddy had seen and accepted a long time ago. When Casey couldn't say anything in response, Eric pushed past him, walking towards Buddy.

"I'll say this for the last time, Casey Smell-so: Leave us alone," spat Buddy, taking his jacket off and wrapping it around Eric's shoulders. As they made their way back to the Forman house, Eric stayed quiet, wondering how such a wonderful night had gone so wrong so quickly. He'd never be safe again, would he?

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As Buddy and Eric wrestled, Eric found a way to pin Buddy to the mat, smirking playfully at him.

"This is annoying," pouted Buddy.

"What, me pinning you down?" Eric asked.

"No, the fact that you keep leaving yourself vulnerable like"-Buddy performed a move that flipped their positions to where he was on top of Eric-"that. Rookie mistake."

"Who's to say I didn't do it on purpose?" Eric teased.

Buddy kissed Eric deeply, and Eric kissed him back.

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As Buddy and Eric read together, their legs entangled on the couch, they heard quiet footsteps approach the back of the couch.

"If you two are trying to scare us, you'll have to try harder than this," said Eric, smiling softly at Buddy.

Buddy smiled back at Eric. "Seriously, you two, get a better gimmick than sheets over your heads."

"Damn it," griped Mitch as he and Randy backed away from the couch.

"Probably a good thing we got caught," said Randy. "Having this sheet over my head is screwing up my hair."

"As if the girls poofing it up doesn't do the same thing," quipped Mitch.

"That actually tickles," replied Randy.

"How much do you bet they're going to start fighting?" Eric asked Buddy quietly.

"No bet. We know our friends well," answered Buddy.

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"Nope!"

"Please!"

"No!"

"I know it sounds impossible."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!"

"But we can do this together."

"You're willing to embarrass yourself doing karaoke?"

"Yes."

"No chickening out on me?"

"No."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Eric held Buddy's hand as they approached the stage, picking a song to sing together. They weren't drunk, so they'd have a better shot of remembering the lyrics. Their friends cheered from the tables they were seated at, causing Eric to duck his head. Oh, he really hated the spotlight.

"Hey, we got this," whispered Buddy.

The boys smiled at each other before the song started to play, and they started to sing.