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Chapter Text

Cold. It was so cold. And dark. And quiet. Scott was sure his eyes were open but he couldn’t see. Was he blind? What had happened? He couldn’t remember… why couldn’t he remember? And where was he? No answer would come. It didn’t help that he was so cold and as he came to more awareness he began to realise other things… like pain.

Everything hurt. It hurt to breathe, it hurt if he attempted to move and then the panic set in as he realised he couldn’t move… not an inch. His breathing began to shorten, his heart started pounding in an effort to get what little air he was managing to inhale into his lungs around his body, but it wasn’t enough.

Black spots appeared in the corner of his eyes, even through the darkness… a different kind of black and he managed to utter a feeble whimper and then froze in fright as a hand tightened on one of his.

A rough, pained voice spoke to him. “Sc – Scotty, you… you have to calm down.”

Who is that? The voice was vaguely familiar, but it didn’t sound right.

“Sc – Scotty, speak… to me.” The voice had evened out just enough for him to recognise it.

“Gran – grandpa?” he managed to ask.

“Yes, Scotty. It’s me.”

“What… what’s happened? I – I can’t see and I hurt and—”

“Steady there, calm down. You need to remain calm. Breathe slowly now… in… out… in… out.”

Scott did his best to follow his grandpa’s instructions and slowly he regained control of his breathing.

“There you go… that’s better. Now… where do you hurt?”

“Everywhere… everywhere hurts and I’m so… so cold, grandpa. Where are we?”

The older man squeezed his hand again to reassure him. “Do you remember what happened?”

“N – no… I – I can’t remember!” Scott felt his breathing begin to tighten again and tears threaten because he had no memory of the past time. The last thing he remembered was being in the log cabin with his grandpa, mom and little Alan, whilst the rest of the family and his dad had gone into the town to do a little bit of shopping. “We were in the cabin…” he felt the tears slip down his face. “… you, me, mom and Alan… and then… then there was that awful noise… and… and I can’t remember…” His voice hitched and he whimpered again as the pain hit his ribs.

“Steady, Scott. You’re going to be all right. Please don’t cry, you’re a big boy now and you need to be brave. There was an avalanche. It hit the cabin and now we’re here, but don’t worry, help is coming…” Grant Tracy paused, trying not to let his own pain come out through his voice. The situation wasn’t good, he knew he was bleeding and that he didn’t have much longer, but he had to hang on, to keep his eldest grandson calm until help arrived.

“An avalanche! Mom! Alan!” He attempted to move, but again he couldn’t. He was trapped, pinned. “Grandpa! I – I can’t move, I’m trapped! I can’t… I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

“Stay calm, boy. Panicking won’t help our situation. We’re both trapped and we can’t do a thing about it, but stay still, and calm, and just keep breathing. Can you do that for me?”

“Y – yes grandpa. But… but what about you? Are you hurt?”

“I probably have a few bumps and scrapes,” Grant lied. What was the point of telling the boy he was badly hurt, neither of them could do anything about it.

“I’m sorry grandpa.”

“What are you sorry for, son?”

“I’m sorry you’re here, with me.”

“Oh Scotty, don’t. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault, stop apologising.”

“But it was my fault we were in the cabin. I caused Alan to come down with that cold because I kept him outside too long.”

“Just stop and think for a moment. Where would we have been if Alan wasn’t feeling so well?”

“Out on the slopes… oh…”

“Exactly.”

Silence reigned for a few minutes. “Grandpa?”

“Yes, Scott?”

“I’m so tired… is it all right if I go to sleep?”

Alarm bells went off in Grant’s head. “No Scott! You have to stay awake now, because it’s cold. Remember me telling you about hypothermia?”

“Yes, grandpa.”

“So you have to stay awake so it doesn’t win. We have to keep talking to each other; keep one another awake.”

“What… what do we talk about?”

“Anything, like what you’d like for your birthday in a couple of weeks, what you’d like to do when you grow up.”

“For… for my birthday, I’d like you or dad to give me proper flying lessons. I’ll be… be twelve, that’s old enough to start lessons, isn’t it?”

“Sure it is. You’ve shot up in height as well. Tell you what… I’ll take you up in the crop duster when we get back home, how’s that?”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

“Promise?”

Grant paused slightly before answering. “I promise, kid.” If I manage to survive, I’ll take you up every day, Scotty, he thought silently, but if not, please forgive me, Scotty. I’m trying my hardest to hang on, but I can’t promise. Forgive me.

“I love you grandpa.”

“I love you too, Scotty.” Grant felt tears fill his eyes, knowing that unless help arrived soon, he wouldn’t be giving his eldest grandson those flying lessons, or see him grow up into the fine young man he just knew he was going to be. “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

“I want to join the air force, like dad. I wanna fly and be the fastest man in the air.”

“And I’m sure you will be.” Grant gave a little chuckle and then realised his mistake as a cough shook him. He could taste the iron of blood in his mouth. Not good! Not good at all!

“Grandpa?” Scott’s voice was filled with worry and fear.

“It’s… it’s okay Scotty. Got some bruises on my ribs; mustn’t laugh, that’s all.” He was feeling a little breathless. “Keep… keep talking.”

So he did, with Grant making listening noises. Scott wasn’t sure how long he’d kept talking, but he was now so thirsty, so cold, so tired and his grandpa hadn’t made any noise for a little while.

“Grandpa?” he asked, his voice hoarse. “Grandpa?”

There was no answer.

“GRANDPA!” he screamed. “GRANDPA, DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE! GRANDPA!” There was nothing but silence. “Mom, I’m sorry, please forgive me… so cold and so tired…” he mumbled softly.

Screaming was too painful, sobbing was agony and he was reduced to silent tears as his eyes closed and he finally succumbed to the darkness.

He didn’t stir as a little while after, the snow and debris above him started moving; didn’t hear frantic voices shouting, ‘I’ve found them!’ Wasn’t aware of a desperate father shouting his name over and over.

“Scotty! Scotty, my boy!”

Rescuers held Jeff back as they worked as fast as they could to uncover the two victims. The paramedic quickly checked the pulses of the boy and older man. It was apparent that the man had died a while ago, but the boy… the boy was still alive… just; but he was white, his lips blue, and he was barely breathing.

The medics assessed his condition; fitted temporary splints to the broken arm and leg, then lifted him out onto a stretcher and covered him with thermal blankets. An oxygen mask was placed on his face.

Another medic spoke to Jeff. “I’m sorry Mr Tracy, your father is dead. Looks like it happened a couple of hours ago. I’m so very sorry.”

Jeff nodded numbly. One dead, one alive and his wife and youngest child still missing. It was a nightmare, but then it sunk in… if they’d found his dad sooner, they might have been able to save his life… could it be the same for his other two missing family members? Alan was a small child, he would be more susceptible to the effects of the cold… Now he didn’t know what to do. He needed to be with Scott, but he also needed to stay until the rescuers found his wife and child…

Then there was another shout. “Over here!”

Hands desperately dug away at the snow. Jeff joined them.

One look and he knew. The clouded, lifeless eyes told the complete story. His beautiful Lucy was dead. Her red hair splayed around her, but then the miracle of miracles. Sheltered underneath her body was his youngest. Severely hypothermic, bruised, battered, bleeding from numerous cuts, but alive.

Jeff’s legs gave out on him and he collapsed to the ground overcome by both grief and joy. He wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. How do you mourn and celebrate death and life at the same time.

Five year old Alan was quickly checked over, then lifted from underneath his mother and bundled up in thermal blankets.

“Come with me, Mr Tracy,” the medic carrying his youngest son said. “The others will take care of your wife and father. I am sincerely sorry for your loss, but your two sons need you now, more than ever.”

He was assisted to his feet and followed the medic, not sure how he managed to put one foot in front of the other as they walked towards the helicopter that was waiting to take his sons to the nearby hospital.

He was on automatic as he clambered into the ‘copter and took a seat by his eldest son’s head. An IV was already in the youngster’s arm and Jeff realised how young and fragile he looked; his complexion almost white, his lips tinged with blue and Alan wasn’t in any better condition.

The medics continued to work on the two children, but it all went over Jeff’s head as he stared, but didn’t see. Another medic wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, seeing he was going into shock. The love of his life was gone… forever. One look… one look; that was all it took for him to know that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Thirteen years… that’s all they’d had. Thirteen wonderful years, filled with love, laughter, joy at the birth of their five sons. He had hoped there would have been one daughter to come, who would have been the image of her mother, but that had been bestowed on the second eldest. John was the male version of Lucy, apart from his hair. Same angular features, same coloured eyes, same expressions, but he was a blond, not a redhead. That feature had been bestowed on the fourth son, Gordon.

They had arrived at the hospital before he realised and in a daze he followed the two stretchers into the hospital. It took several attempts before someone calling his name broke through the haze, and he stopped and turned to see his mother, standing there, with his other three children, their expressions fearful, yet holding a sprinkling of hope.

Ruth approached. “Jeff?” she asked tentatively.

”Scott and Alan are alive,” he managed to say in a neutral voice. “But…” he couldn’t continue. “I’m sorry, mom. I’m sor—”

His voice broke at that point. One of the medics who handed Scott over to the hospital staff, turned back and placed a hand on Jeff’s shoulder.

“You should go to the community centre, get something to eat, Mr Tracy. You were out there for hours. Take your family there, get some warmth into you. Your sons are in good hands but you won’t be able to see them for a little while.”

“Grandma?” Virgil questioned. “Where’s mom? Where’s grandpa?” No one answered. “Daddy?”

John took one look at his father’s face and knew. He might only be ten, but he knew; they were dead. Killed by the avalanche.

“Mommy and grandpa have had to leave us,” he told Virgil and Gordon softly. “They didn’t want to go, they really didn’t, but they had no choice.” He saw the realisation dawn on Virgil’s face and quickly shook his head to stop him from saying anything in front of Gordon, who was only six, compared to Virgil’s eight. “I’m sorry,” John added very quietly.

Virgil nodded dumbly as tears filled his eyes, then overflowed down his cheeks. He turned away so Gordon wouldn’t see them.

“What’s wrong with Scotty and Allie?” Gordon asked innocently. In his mind, he had accepted John’s explanation, but assumed his mom and grandpa would return in a little while.

Ruth cleared her throat in an effort to gain control of her emotions. She could not and would not break down in front of the children. “I’m afraid they’ve been injured,” she managed to say.

Gordon’s eyes widened and his next words felt like pouring salt into a wound. “They aren’t going to die are they?” His bottom lip quivered.

Somehow Jeff found his voice. “N – no son. They aren’t going to die. They have been hurt—”

“By that ava… avalenge?”

“Avalanche,” John corrected quietly.

“Yes, but they’re going to be fine. We’ll be able to go see them in a little while.”

“Okay.”

The second youngest seemed content with that answer. Ruth dug in her pocket and gave him some candy and that settled him enough so that she could turn her attention to Virgil, who was crying quietly.

John took hold of Gordon’s hand and led him away so Ruth could concentrate on soothing Virgil.

“They – they’re dead aren’t they?” he asked. “Grandpa and mom. They aren’t coming back.”

Ruth hugged him tightly. “Yes, they are gone and they aren’t coming back, Virgil. I’m sorry.”

The eight year old looked up at his grandma. “It… it isn’t your fault, grandma, you don’t need to apologise. It was the… the avalanche.”

“Oh Virgil, you have such a wise head on your young shoulders. Bless you.”

“Will… will you be all right grandma? Can I do anything for you?” He looked up into her face, savagely wiping his eyes.

Her face crumpled slightly as her heart broke at his thoughtfulness. “Bless you, child,” she sniffed. “With all my grandchildren around me, I will be fine.”

“It… it’s all right if you’re not, you know. We can take care of you, once Scott is better… he will get better won’t he? And little Allie?”

“I give you my word, they will be fine. It might take a couple of days, but they will recover.”

Virgil gave her a tentative smile. “We’ll be all right, grandma. We’ll take care of each other.”

Ruth gave him a small smile and ruffled his hair. “Yes, we will,” she replied, looking to look at her son, who was standing there broken. Their eyes met, he shook his head, mouthed ‘I’m sorry’, at her and fled the building.

Ruth let him go so he could pull himself together, then made her way to the reception desk with Virgil in tow.

“Please, I’m sorry, I know you’re busy, but do you have any news on two children… Scott and Alan Tracy?”

The receptionist gave her a sympathetic, understanding smile. “I’m sorry, I have to ask, are you a relation?”

“I’m their grandmother.”

“One moment…” The young woman consulted her computer and after a few minutes gave Ruth an update. “Alan has been moved to a room… 415; you should be able to go see him shortly, he’s still hypothermic but his temperature is rising slowly. He was lucky, he just has some cuts and bruises. Scott is still being treated, he has suffered a broken arm and leg as well as cuts and bruises. He will join Alan as soon as the doctor has finished placing his arm and leg in a cast.”

“Thank you for the update. Will it be all right if I bring their brothers with me? I currently have no one I can leave them with and they will worry if they can’t see that Scott and Allie are okay for themselves.”

“Usually we restrict visitors to two, but it’s been a traumatic experience, so the rules are being relaxed slightly.”

“Thank you again.”

“The doctor will come and tell you when you can go and see them. It shouldn’t be too long now.”

The doctor arrived twelve minutes later and spoke to Ruth. “Mrs Tracy. We’ve completed Scott’s treatment and he has just been moved to room 415 with his brother. You may now visit them. If you’d like to follow me.”

Ruth looked round for John and Gordon and motioned for them to come over, which they did. “We’re going to visit Scott and Alan. Gordon, you need to keep quiet, as your brothers are likely to be asleep. Can you do that?”

“Yes, grandma.”

Ruth was given directions to the room and led her three grandchildren to room 415. She reminded the three children to be quiet and then opened the door. There were just two beds in the small room. Alan’s bed had the safety bars raised so that he couldn’t fall out. The blond was fast asleep, covered in a number of blankets, with warming pads placed at key places on his body to help raise his temperature. There was also an IV attached to his arm delivering warm fluids.

Ruth gently brushed his head and ran her fingers through his hair, but the child didn’t stir at all. Virgil stepped forward and gently stroked the back of his youngest brother’s hand and whispered something so quietly that Ruth couldn’t hear it. John lifted Gordon into his arms so he could see Alan properly.

“Is he asleep?” the second youngest asked in a dramatic whisper.

“Yes he is, and you mustn’t wake him up, okay?”

“Okay, Johnny.”

They moved to Scott’s bedside. His left arm and leg were in a cast and the left side of his face was beginning to bruise quite spectacularly. His brown hair made his complexion seem extra pale and Ruth could see that both children still had blue tinges to their lips, indicating they were still very hypothermic. Just like Alan, Scott had warming pads and a warm IV in his arm. Ruth brushed his hair back away from his right eye then leant over and kissed his forehead. John let Gordon see his oldest brother, and Virgil again stroked his hand.

“Sit down boys,” Ruth said, indicating the three chairs that were present.

“What about you grandma?” John asked.

“I’m going to leave you in charge John, whilst I go and find your father. I’ll try not to be too long.”

“Okay grandma, we’ll be okay.”

They watched her leave, then just sat quietly. Gordon was feeling rather tired and began to fall asleep, so John pulled him onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him to keep him safe and secure. Virgil just sat staring at his two brothers in their beds, wishing they would wake up.

Half an hour passed and Virgil whispered to his older brother. “Johnny, I’m tired.”

“Okay Virg, hold Gordon for a minute, I’ll put the guard down on one side and you can curl up with Alan.”

“I want to stay with Scotty.”

John sighed. “All right, but be very careful of his injuries and the IV, okay? Can you manage?”

“Yes! I’m not a baby anymore. I can help get Scotty warm.”

John watched carefully as his younger brother carefully got onto Scott’s bed and cuddled up to him, then got up from his chair and lay the sleeping Gordon on Alan’s bed. The child gave a tiny whimper then snuggled up to his baby brother.

Once he was sure they were asleep, he let his bottom lip tremble and the tears fall for his mom and grandfather. Whilst Scott was still out of it, it was up to him to be the strong one for his younger brothers, so now he was effectively alone, he could let his feelings out, albeit quietly.

It was tiring, and eventually, he lay himself down across the three rather uncomfortable chairs and also fell asleep; his tears drying on his face.

The door opened an hour later to admit Ruth and her son. It had taken her a while to find him, but eventually she found him in the makeshift morgue, with his wife. Grant was laid out next to Lucy, and Ruth shed her own tears before turning her attention to Jeff, who looked totally broken.

“Jefferson, you have five sons, two of which are injured, that need you,” she said softly. “You can’t do anymore for Lucy or your dad. You need to take care of the living.”

“M – mom… how do I carry on without her? She was my everything! What am I going to do?”

Ruth’s heart broke. She had never heard her son sound so broken and lost. “You do what must be done. You will go to your sons and be there for them,” she said firmly. “You are a Tracy and you have a duty to those five young boys.”

“I can’t… I can’t leave her here alone…”

“She isn’t alone. Your father is with her…” She stopped and swallowed a number of times before continuing. “Your duty is to the living. Now go back to the hospital, room 415 and look after your children. I will join you shortly.”

“Yes mom.” His gaze drifted back to his dead wife, then he took a deep breath, drew the sheet up over her head, stood up and walked out of the morgue back to the hospital. He had to check up on Lucy’s legacy… his five sons…

Chapter Text

“Come on Gordon, open your eyes for me, please. I’ve only got a week’s leave before I have to return to base and I don’t want to leave without us talking,” Scott said as he sat by his younger brother’s bed, holding his hand, his thumb gently caressing the back of it as he stared at the inert form, willing him to regain consciousness.

Gordon had been unconscious for 11 days and the medics expected him to wake up at any time now, following his horrific hydrofoil accident and Scott had fought tooth and nail to get compassionate leave to support his family and especially his critically injured brother.

As soon as the leave had been granted, he had cadged a lift from Germany back to the States on a transport, then grabbed another lift to Edwards, where his private jet was stored, and flown straight out to Marineville, to the WASP base hospital there.

On arrival, he discovered his father and Virgil in Gordon’s room and they had given him the prognosis. It wasn’t looking good. If Gordon was lucky he might regain some use of his hands (the key word being ‘might’) but he would never walk again. However, Jefferson Tracy never gave up. He had a brilliant new engineer and inventor he’d recently employed, who had some interesting—if not unconventional—ideas that could possibly allow Gordon to not only walk again, but function almost normally.

Tests had been carried out on animals with a 75% complete success rate, with the remaining 25% showing some improvement, so Gordon’s spine had been scanned and mapped in great detail for the special cahelium mesh that was going to be fitted to his spine, and stems cells had been harvested and were currently being grown for implantation along his spinal cord where the damage had been inflicted.

There had initially been a rather heated argument between Jeff and Scott when the eldest found out that his brother was going to be used as a guinea-pig, especially when they hadn’t even discussed it with the patient.

Jeff was confident that Gordon would be willing to try anything if it meant being able to walk and function as a fit and relatively healthy human being, but Gordon needed to hear everything and make the final decision himself.

The faintest of moans reached Scott’s ears and he gripped the hand more firmly, then chastised himself. Gordon couldn’t feel it, idiot! So he stood up, leant over slightly and placed a hand against his brother’s cheek.

“Hey Squid, it’s your big brother here. Come on, open your eyes for me, please.”

In the distance, Gordon could hear a muffled voice. He attempted to swallow, only to find an obstruction in his throat. It was an intubation tube, but he didn’t know that, and in his confused, groggy state, he panicked.

The monitors began to flash red and beeped loudly; Scott hit the emergency call button and within a couple of seconds a doctor and nurse rushed in, shoved the USAF Captain rather roughly out of the way, and fastened their attention on Gordon.

“Hello Gordon, steady. You’re safe, try to remain calm, we’re going to remove the intubation tube and see if you can breathe on your own, okay? Here we go.”

They worked efficiently and calmly and within a few moments the tube was out. Gordon’s chest heaved and a nurse quickly fitted a nasal canula to assist with his breathing. After a couple of minutes, he had calmed down and was able to breathe.

“That’s good,” the doctor said. “Gordon, I’m Mr Carlton, your consultant. You’re in the hospital at Marineville, you’re safe. Let’s get you some ice.” He nodded at the nurse, who gently popped a spoon full of ice fragments into Gordon’s mouth to soothe his throat. The consultant waited a few moments before continuing. “Do you remember what happened?”

Gordon frowned. Everything was woolly. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he remembered travelling at a tremendous rate over the water with his shipmates, and then… then… His eyes widened as the memory hit him. They had been trialling the new hydrofoil and he’d picked up that something wasn’t quite right, but he’d been overruled and then… then there was an explosion, a crash, he was in the water, he was sinking. His arms and legs wouldn’t move, he couldn’t get to the surface and he was drowning, drowning…

His breath quickened and he worked himself towards hyperventilating. “Hyd – hydrofoil crash… couldn’t move arms… legs… pain… drowning…Crew?” He tried to move and found he couldn’t. “Can’t… can’t move… can’t feel my legs! Can’t move my arms!”

“Steady, Gordon. You’ve been badly injured, try to remain calm.”

“The… the crew?”

Carlton’s expression softened. “I’m sorry, Gordon,” he said in a gentle tone. “But you were the only survivor.”

“No! NO! I CAN’T BE!”

“Gordon, you need to remain calm. There’s someone here who’s desperate to see you.”

“Who?”

“Hi Squid, it’s me,” Scott said from near the door.

“Scotty?” Gordon turned his head, but the nurse was blocking his view. “Scotty?”

The eldest stepped forward so he was standing next to the nurse. “See fish, I’m right here,” he said softly, taking hold of his brother’s hand again.

“Scotty…” the relief was evident in his voice. “But… but you were in Germany…”

“Compassionate leave. The Colonel’s given me a week. Glad to see you awake buddy. You’ve had us all scared out of our wits.”

“Everyone’s here?”

“Almost. John’s waiting for a supply ship to rendezvous with the WSP so he can get back, then he’ll be here too. But it looks like it’s not going to be for just over a week. But everyone else is here.” Scott lifted Gordon’s hand, stroking it gently.

Gordon’s breathing suddenly began to shorten again, his bottom lip began to tremble and tears appeared in his eyes.

“Gordon, what’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“You’re… you’re holding my hand… but I can’t feel it! I can’t feel it! I can’t feel anything! I’M PARALYSED!”

“Gordon calm down. Listen to me,” Scott begged. “It’s true, you are paralysed at the moment. Let Mr Carlton explain the current situation. You’ve been in a coma for 11 days, you need to recover from that, and then we can explain what happens next.”

“Are you ready to hear about your injuries?” Carlton asked his patient.

Gordon didn’t say anything; he couldn’t speak and he was having problems breathing.

Scott put his hand down and placed both of his on either side of his brother’s face. “Gordon, look at me!” he commanded. “Breathe slowly, in, two, three, four, out, two, three, four… come on, again… that’s it. You need to remain calm, okay?”

“Calm!? How d’you expect me to remain calm! I’M PARALYSED, Scott! I’m useless! I’m a burden! I shouldn’t be here! I should have died with my shipmates!”

Gordon was openly crying now, and worst of all, he couldn’t even lift a damn hand to try and wipe the tears away.

Scott looked at Carlton. “Please, will you give us a few minutes?” he asked him.

“I can’t give you long, Gordon mustn’t agitate himself too much, having just regained consciousness. We may have to give him a sedative if he doesn’t calm down.”

“Just kill me!” Gordon screamed. “I don’t wanna live like this!”

“Five minutes,” Carlton said and motioned for his nurse to leave.

Scott waited until they had both left before turning his full attention to his younger brother. “Now, you listen to me, Gordon Tracy,” he ordered in his best ‘Captain’s voice’. “I know it seems hopeless and everything looks black at the moment, but you’re a fighter! You’ve always been a fighter; out of all of us, you have the brightest light; are the most upbeat. Treat this like another challenge; put the same energy into that as you did when you were training for the Olympics.”

“How, Scott? How? I can’t even fucking move!”

“I know that’s the situation at the moment, but you have to keep positive, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. We Tracy’s don’t give up, we don’t know how to!”

“Oh that’s rich, coming from you!” Gordon snapped back.

Scott frowned at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, puzzled.

“Boy you have a short memory when it suits you, don’t you?”

“What?”

“Let’s go back a year, shall we; when you were brought home from Bereznik!”

Scott physically recoiled from the mention of that country; his face went white and an expression of agony crossed his features.

“Aha, beginning to remember now, are we?” Gordon’s voice was colder than the coldest Antarctic storm and his voice was like undiluted sulphuric acid as he continued. “You were laying in that hospital bed, almost totally unrecognisable. I didn’t even believe it was you at first… the living skeleton; the injuries; the lifeless eyes as you just lay there and stared blankly ahead, not acknowledging any of us.”

“Gordon, please don’t…”

“You wouldn’t even let any of us touch you… and the screaming when anyone tried… that used to pierce my heart every time you did it. You wouldn’t eat, you wouldn’t talk, you wouldn’t do anything except lay there in that fucking bed, looking so pitiful. I wondered where my big brother had gone. You wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t interact.”

There were tears in Scott’s eyes. It was a time he had desperately tried to forget. It would never be completely exorcised from his memory, but he had it under control… or so he thought. Gordon’s words brought it all back, the whole ugly episode of his life that he was doing his utmost to forget and he found himself shaking.

But Gordon wasn’t finished and kept on and on until something inside Scott snapped.

“Just shut up Gordon! SHUT UP! You’ve got a lot of nerve to dredge up all my fears!”

“You told me you wanted to DIE, Scott! You were prepared to desert all of us so you could be at peace! Not caring about what your death would do to us! So how does it feel to have the tables turned, eh? I CAN’T live like this! You had your mobility, and you were prepared to throw it all away!”

“You have no idea what I went through!” Scott almost screamed back at him, but now it was him who was almost hyperventilating. He staggered back, away from the bed until his back hit the wall. His eyes became unfocused as he became lost in the memory; a sob escaped him and he slid down the wall as his legs gave out and he curled himself into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible.

It was then as Gordon saw his eldest brother trying to make himself as small as possible whilst sobbing on the floor that the young man in the bed realised his brother was still living that nightmare and that he had caused an episode of PTSD to raise its ugly head.

“Sc – Scott? Scotty? Talk to me, bro!” His eyes were fixed on his eldest brother. He knew if he didn’t get through to him shortly, the hyperventilating would cause him to black out. Now Gordon really did feel helpless. He couldn’t get to his brother to enfold him in his arms so he could apologise. He cursed his paralysis as he lay, helpless. “Scotty, I’m sorry! I – I didn’t mean it! Scotty!”

He couldn’t seem to get through to him, so he did the only thing left open to him.

“HELP! HELP HIM, PLEASE!” he screamed as loud as his voice would let him. “HELP!”

The door burst open and the consultant, nurse and his father burst in.

“Dad! Help Scott, please! It’s my fault! It’s all my fault!”

“Gordon! You’re awake!” Jeff went to rush to his bedside but was brought up short by his second youngest.

“No dad! Take care of Scott first! Please! I said some awful things to him… I brought up Bereznik to… to punish him! Please!”

Jeff’s face portrayed his dismay. “Oh Gordon,” he murmured and turned to his eldest. He carefully approached him and knelt by his side. “Hey, Scotty, it’s all right, you’re safe. Listen to my voice… you need to calm down, you’re going to pass out if you don’t calm down. Come on, breathe with me… count… you know how it works…” He continued to speak softly and calmly.

Carlton and the nurse froze where they were, knowing they shouldn’t move until Jeff had the situation under control, but he couldn’t help wondering what had happened to the young Captain that was currently curled up on the floor, obviously suffering an episode of some kind and then it clicked. Bereznik. By the way he was acting, Carlton put two and two together and came up with the right answer. Prisoner of war. The consultant had heard and also read about what had happened to PoWs in Bereznik and that most of them never made it back home.

Jeff continued to talk to his eldest, and tentatively reached out a hand, but didn’t touch him; simply placed it on the floor near his son’s body so he would see it when he began to recover. It took a few minutes, but Scott’s breathing finally began to slow and he opened his eyes a little.

“Hey there, son,” Jeff said softly. “Welcome back. May I touch you?”

Jeff was rewarded with a slight nod, so he moved closer and took his son in his arms and felt Scott begin to relax.

“It’s okay, Scotty. It’s over.”

“D – dad…” came the whispered response, as he clutched his father’s bicep tightly, to help ground himself.

Carlton saw the situation was back under control and whispered something to the nurse who nodded and exited quietly.

“Mr Tracy, let’s get your son onto the other bed,” he said in a quiet voice.

Jeff nodded. “Okay son, let’s get you back on your feet, you’re going to be okay. Mr Carlton is going to give me a hand, all right?”

Scott nodded feebly. “Sor – sorry,” he mumbled, as he began to regain his senses.

“There’s nothing to apologise for,” Carlton replied. “I’m coming over now, to help your dad… I’m going to take hold of your other arm now, Scott.” He continued to warn the young man before he carried out any action.

The two older men gently heaved Scott to his feet and led him carefully to the other bed in the room.

“Scotty, I’m sorry,” Gordon said, his voice sounding so contrite and agonised. “Please forgive me.”

Scott just about managed a feeble nod before he collapsed. His last mission, the journey back, and the strain finally taking their toll on his exhausted body.

The two men carefully got him onto the bed and Jeff covered him over with a blanket, running a hand through his son’s hair before placing a soft kiss on his forehead and stepping back. He turned to his second youngest who was openly crying.

“I didn’t mean to say those things,” he sobbed. “I know he was trying to keep me upbeat, but dad… I’m paralysed! I’m no good to anyone!”

“Gordon, stop it,” Jeff said firmly. “I know things couldn’t look any more bleak than they do at the moment, but we may have a possible solution. I was waiting until you had recovered a little more before bombarding you with what we have in mind.”

“I don’t understand…”

“If you’re up to it, Mr Carlton will explain your current condition, and then I will explain the plan going forward. It’s radical, but there has been success. Are you ready and able to listen?”

Gordon frowned. Radical? His interest was piqued. “Er… okay…”

“More ice?” Jeff asked.

“Please.”

Jeff placed another spoonful of the precious liquid in Gordon’s mouth, then the consultant came forward and began his explanation.

“I’ll keep this brief, you still need to rest and to gain some strength back. From what I have been told, when the hydrofoil exploded you were thrown against the bulkhead and that’s when most of the damage to your spine occurred. Then a secondary explosion ripped the craft apart and you ended up in the water, where you almost drowned and had to be revived. You have been in a coma for the past 11 days, and currently you have two areas of damage to your spinal cord. One is severe bruising which has resulted in swelling. This should reduce with time, but this is in your lower back. The more serious damage is to the cervical area between C3 and C4. The cord has been partially severed. Usually this would result in you remaining a quadriplegic for the rest of your life however,” Carlton quick stated, seeing the dismay in his patient’s face, “your father may have a possible solution. Whilst you were in a coma we took a very detailed scan of your spine and harvested some stem cells which are currently being cultivated. Mr Tracy, would you like to take over from here?”

“Thank you, Mr Carlton. My new engineer come inventor is a genius. He is using the scan to create a cahelium support for the spine and a special… gel—for want of a better word—that the stem cells will be attached to and then applied to the cord. There is a 100 percent success rate but 25 percent of those do not regain full use of limbs.”

“So you’re saying I have a one in four chance of not making a full recovery?”

“That is correct, but I warn you, it is going to be hard, and it is going to be painful as your nerves regain sensation. Are you prepared for that?”

Gordon knew his mouth was hanging open. It was more of a chance than he ever expected. “Hell yes!” he responded, now feeling even more guilty about how he had had a go at Scott, when his brother said there was news he had to hear. “How soon can we start?”

“You need to gain a little strength first and we need to make sure you are not going to suffer any seizures that you had when you first arrived, but I would say, probably a week from now,” Carlton told him.

“And how long before I could see any results?”

“Could be as little as 72 hours or it could be a couple of weeks. It differs per individual.”

“Okay, okay.” He sounded hopeful and reasonably eager for it to begin. Then he glanced across at his sleeping(?) brother. “Is Scott going to be okay?” he asked his dad quietly.

“Yes. He should be. It isn’t the first attack he’s had since he recovered. He may need a session with the therapist, but he should be okay.”

“Why did he collapse?”

“From what he said when he told me he was coming home, he’d just been on a twelve hour mission, got back, grabbed a bag, got transport back, then more transport, then flew down here. It’s mainly exhaustion, which probably also contributed to the episode.”

“I’m a horrible brother,” Gordon mumbled.

“You were in shock at waking up and finding yourself in your current condition.”

Gordon shook his head. “No excuse.” His eyelids drooped. “I hope he wakes up soon, because I’m feeling sleepy and I wanna apologise before I can’t stay awake anymore.”

“If you feel sleepy, you should sleep,” Carlton said. “Now, we’ve been feeding you via a tube, but from tomorrow, we’ll start you on solids again, a little and often. I will leave you in peace. If you need anything, get your father to buzz.” He gave a nod and left the room.

It was three hours later when Scott stirred. He was initially confused until his brain kicked into gear, when he saw Gordon laying in the bed next to his, but didn’t get a chance to move as his father, who was sitting on the other side of his bed, rose and gently ran his fingers through his hair.

Scott recognised the action and gave a little smile as he turned his head to look up at his father. “Dad.”

“Hey Bluejay, how you feeling?”

“Wrung out.” He paused. “How’s Gordon?”

“Feeling very guilty. He desperately wants to apologise to you.”

Scott closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then sat up. “It hurt, dad. What he said to me really hurt, even though I know he was in shock at finding out he was paralysed.”

“I know, son.” Jeff placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. “You going to be all right, Scotty?” He knew every time he had an episode, it took him a little while to get over it.

His son nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Gordon has the whole story and the plan, and he wants to go for it.”

“Okay.”

Jeff moved his arm to give his eldest a hug and placed a kiss on his temple. “It’s going to be all right, son. Trust me.”

“I hope so, dad. I really hope so.”

At that moment, Gordon gave a sigh and opened his eyes. “Scotty, I am so sorry. What I said was unforgiveable, and I didn’t give you a chance to explain the situation. Will you forgive me… please.”

Scott stood up and crossed the couple of paces to his bed. He placed a hand on Gordon’s head then leant over to kiss his forehead. “You’re my brother, of course I forgive you. You were in shock at your situation.”

“I love you, Scotty, don’t every doubt that. Will you… will you help me after… you know.”

“Of course I will, I love you too little bro.”

“I wish I could hug you right now.”

“Soon, little bro… soon.”

Chapter Text

Alan looked towards his bedroom door and held his breath, hoping that none of his brothers had heard him drop the torch on the floor. He froze, waiting, but no one knocked or opened the door and he breathed a sigh of relief.

His rucksack was packed with a couple of changes of clothes, some supplies, a blanket and a waterproof tarpaulin. Around his waist, under his t-shirt was a money belt with several hundred dollars—his allowance that he’d managed to save the past six months.

If truth be told, he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to break Scott’s heart, but he just couldn’t stand it anymore. Everything had changed after the avalanche that had claimed the life of their mother and grandfather. Their dad deserted all of them and when he finally returned to them a year later, he only had minimal contact with him, and three of his brothers were a lot colder; especially Gordon which really hurt him. The two of them had been inseparable up until the tragedy and now his older brother didn’t talk to him at all, unless he had to.

Virgil and John had been so wrapped up in their own grief at the loss of their mother and grandfather, that they too had ignored the small boy. Scott was still the same though, but he had been run ragged this past year when Jeff had deserted them. He had tried to be both mom and dad to all four of them. Looking after them, getting them ready for school, preparing their lunches, ensuring they kept themselves clean, their rooms tidy, got their homework done and even fed them. On top of that he had soothed them when they had their nightmares, cuddled them when they cried, but none of them had seen him cry; not even at the double funeral. Everyone forgot the eldest was only just a teenager. Being tall for his age, many thought he was older than he really was.

Then nine months after, John had suddenly started helping out a bit more, taking some of the pressure off Scott, but it wasn’t enough and then Alan had overheard Gordon venting his feelings at Scott one evening and that was what had really hurt.

“It was Alan’s fault mom died!” he had yelled at Scott.

“Gordon, it wasn’t Alan’s fault that he was ill and mom stayed back at the cabin with him. Any one of us could have come down with something. If it was anyone’s fault, it was mine, I kept him out longer than I should have, but he was enjoying himself so much in the snow, I didn’t have the heart to put my foot down,” Scott had responded with.

“Stop defending him Scotty! We almost lost you as well in that avalanche!”

“But you didn’t. Please Gordon, you and Allie were thick as thieves and now you won’t even give him the time of day. Isn’t it time you made up with him? You’re brothers and we’re a close family. Do you have any idea what your attitude is doing to him?”

“Don’t care. I don’t want him here!”

“Please Gordon, don’t be like that. You’d be really sad if he wasn’t here; we all would.”

“No Scott! The only one who would miss him would be you! You’ve always defended him. Even after everything he’s done! Why?”

“Because he’s our baby brother; he’s family and I love him. We should all love him. He was mom’s final gift to us; he deserves to be cherished.”

“Not by me!”

“Gordon—”

“Just go away, Scott. I’m tired.”

Alan had been hiding in the shadows and saw Scott’s defeated features and tired walk as he left Gordon’s room and shut the door behind him to go to his own room.

The youngest’s heart broke at the look on his eldest brother’s face. He knew Scott had been trying the whole time to bring the family back together. He’d even heard him having a go at his father—when he decided to grace his children with his presence, which wasn’t very often—about it and after the last time, the eldest had stopped confronting his father when he had appeared at breakfast the following morning sporting a bruised cheek.

His brothers had asked him what had happened and the eldest had spouted some excuse about being clumsy; stumbling and colliding with some furniture. Whether three of his brothers believed it or not, Alan didn’t know, but he knew what had happened. He had heard the slap when Scott had vented at their father about his lack of care of his brothers; had hidden and watched as Scott had stormed out slamming the door behind him and gone to his own room, venting his own anger on the door which had swung closed but not clicked shut.

Alan had emerged from his hiding place and hesitated outside his eldest brother’s door. Moving slightly he was able to see Scott sitting at his desk, head in his hands, shoulders shaking and knew he had to do something, so he knocked on his door and waited.

He waited several moments before he was acknowledged. “Come in.” Scott’s voice sounded quiet and didn’t contain its normal ‘bossy brother’ tone in it.

Alan pushed the door open, went in and closed it behind him before moving towards him.

Scott forced a smile. “Hi Squirt, isn’t it about time you got ready for bed?” he asked.

Alan approached the desk and moved around it to be by his side knowing what Scott would do. Sure enough, he picked the youngster up and placed him on his lap.

Alan looked up at him and saw the reddened cheek and extra bright eyes. “Are you all right, Scotty?” he asked him. “Can I get you anything?”

Scott suddenly hugged him so tightly that he could hardly breathe and buried his head against his neck but didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Bless you, Allie. I’m fine thank you,” he finally managed to say as he continued to hold him tightly against his chest.

“Scotty… you’re squashing me,” Alan whispered.

“Oh, sorry Squirt… is this better?” He loosened his grip and moved a hand to tickle him instead, making the youngest squirm and giggle.

“Hee hee, stop it!” he squealed, but he kept laughing and Scott only stopped when he started hiccupping. Alan hugged him round the neck. “I love you, daddy,” he said softly before placing a wet kiss on Scott’s cheek.

Big brother’s breath hitched before he managed to speak. “Love you too, Allie. Never, ever forget that.”

“I won’t. You’re the best daddy, ever.”

“You go and get ready for bed and I’ll come and tuck you in, would you like that?”

“Yes please.”

“Okay, off you go then.” Scott put him back on his feet and Alan skipped off to get ready for bed.

Three months later and Scott had collapsed with both physical and mental exhaustion, and Jeff Tracy received the biggest shock since the death of his wife and father, when a distraught Alan had clambered up onto Scott’s hospital bed to lay at his side, hugged him and cried out for his daddy to wake up.

Jeff had tried to make amends, he really had, but the damage was done. He wasn’t Alan’s father as far as the youngest was concerned, and it was all Jeff’s fault that Scott was now in hospital. But the final straw was his other brothers now blamed him for Scott’s collapse as well, despite the eldest’s objections, and as he saw the expression and sadness in his face, knew that for his ‘daddy’ to be happy, he had to leave. Everything that had happened over the past year or so was his fault, so logically the solution was to remove that obstacle from the equation, then everyone would be happy again.

So, Alan had been frugal with his allowance, saving as much of it as he could over the months. He might be almost seven now, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he needed funds for things like transport, food, shelter, until he figured out what he was going to do.

And so, the time had arrived; he had his funds, his rucksack was packed. A letter to Scott was waiting on Alan’s bedside table. The youngster was dressed for his forthcoming journey, and he had done his research, checking timetables for buses to California and, in the dead of night, in his warmest clothes, because it was March and bitterly cold, he slipped quietly out of the house, retrieved his bike from the barn and cycled into town and towards his destination.

There was a bus heading to Denver, Colorado at 5:00 am which he planned to be on.

Alan chained his bike to the rack, then walked into the bus station, avoided the ticket office completely and used one of the machines instead, just in case people tried to start asking awkward questions. Thankfully there was still one machine that took cash, so he obtained the valuable ticket and then hid in the waiting room for an hour.

The bus dutifully arrived at 4:50. Alan showed his ticket and was permitted to board. He went to the near back of the bus, put his rucksack up on the rack by standing on the seat, then sat down and huddled down in his coat. His one regret would be leaving the one person who had treated him with love and care his entire life. Perhaps, once he had grown up, he could contact Scott and they could meet up one day. Tears sprung into his eyes at the thought of leaving the man he called daddy. He knew he would be upset, but it was for the best.

The bus didn’t have many passengers, so Alan had his side of the seats to himself and with tears rolling down his face, looked out of the window as the bus began its journey.

Jeff was gone before any of his sons rose the next morning, so once more, it was up to Scott to make sure everyone got up and ready for school. John prepared everyone’s lunch, whilst Scott got the other three up; except only two were in their rooms. The eldest frowned and made his way down to the kitchen after searching the rest of the upstairs rooms. He’d only popped his head round the door of Alan’s and hadn’t seen the note.

“Have any of you guys seen Alan?” he asked John, and then Gordon and Virgil. He observed the shake of their heads and proceeded to search the rest of the house with no success. Becoming concerned, he left the house and went to the barn to look there. Nothing. Scratching his head, he turned to exit and noticed a gap in the row of bikes stored in the barn and realised Alan’s was missing. “Where have you gone little bro?” Scott asked himself.

He grabbed his own bike and went back to the house to grab his jacket, visiting the kitchen to inform the others.

“Alan’s bike is missing and I can’t find him anywhere.”

“Have you searched his room?” John asked. “Check and see if anything’s missing.”

“Good idea, thanks, John.” Scott sprinted up the stairs and went back into Alan’s room, heading immediately for the wardrobe. It didn’t take him long to realise the kid’s favourite rucksack was missing. Now seriously worried, he turned and saw a white envelope on the bedside table and as he walked towards it, saw it had his name on it.

Heart in his mouth, he ripped it open and pulled out the letter.

Dear Scott, I want you to know that you mean everything in the world to me and I love you with all my heart, but I can’t stay any longer where I’m not wanted. My other brothers hate me and my ‘father’ does too. You’ve been more of a father to me than he has, but I can see what having me around is doing to you, and I can’t stand it anymore.

I know father hit you those months back when you tried to stand up for all of us. I won’t come between you and the others. Please don’t try to find me, I’ll be all right, and please forgive me for leaving like this.

I hope though, that once we’re both older that we can meet up again. Love you Scotty. Alan. xxxxxxxxxx

Scott hadn’t realised he’d made a sound until John, Virgil and Gordon burst through the door.

“Scott! What’s wrong?” John asked, slightly breathless and looked very worried at the agonised expression on his big brother’s face.

Scott waived the letter that was clutched in his hand. “He’s… he’s gone! Alan’s gone! We’ve driven him away! He’s only just turned seven for God’s sake! Anything could happen to him! We’ve got to find him!”

John snatched the letter out of his hand and gave it a quick read. His face lost colour as he saw that Alan had written that they all hated him; then he gave an exclamation. “Dad hit you!?”

“What?” asked Virgil stepping forward and grabbing the letter for himself. “Is this true, Scott? Did dad hit you?”

Scott refused to say anything.

“Wait a minute… a few months back, you came down to breakfast… you said you’d stumbled into some furniture… you didn’t did you? That was dad!”

“That’s not important right now,” Scott said. “We need to find Alan!”

“If he really is trying to run away, he’ll be wanting to get out of town… that means the bus station,” John said.

Gordon was just standing there and didn’t know what to think. And then the guilt set in. Alan was the baby of the family and he’d treated him appallingly. They used to be thick as thieves until their mom had been killed. “We… we need to get into town, now!” he shouted.

“Dad’s left, we’ve only got our bikes,” Scott said. “That’ll have to do. We’ll see if we can find Alan and if we can’t, I’ll phone him and tell him. He’s got to come home and help find him.”

“Shall we call grandma as well?” Virgil asked.

“Yes, once we confirm he really is missing. Come on, grab your coats, let’s get into town.”

Scott ran back to his room to grab his phone, then joined his brothers as they donned their winter coats and waited whilst the others ran to the barn to retrieve their bikes.

They peddled as fast as they could to the bus station and their fears were immediately confirmed as they left their bikes at the bike rack and saw Alan’s already there.

“See if anyone remembers seeing him. He’s got his bright red rucksack with him,” Scott said. “I’ll go to the ticket office and ask.”

They split up to ask the increasing number of people arriving at the station to take various buses, but didn’t have any luck. No one remembered seeing him. Scott wasn’t having any more success than the rest of them.

“Sorry son,” the man said. “No one of that description has been to the ticket office overnight.” He paused as he saw the desperate expression on the boy’s face. “Look, I’m sure he’s around. Have you tried the rest room? We’ve had youngsters hide in there in the past.”

Scott’s face took on a look of hope. “No. Thank you!” He turned and almost bumped into John. “I’ve been advised to search the rest room,” he told him.

“Okay, but…” John pointed out the cameras. “We need to take a look at those. If he’s been here, he should be on one. I’ve studied them, there aren’t any blind spots with regard to purchasing tickets.”

“Right, let’s try the rest room first, and if he’s not there, we’ll take a look at the camera footage.”

Alan wasn’t there and John saw that Scott was becoming more frantic as the time went on. “Let’s look at the camera footage,” John suggested calmly and Scott nodded, biting his lip.

They returned to the ticket office and asked for permission to look at the footage from overnight. They were refused.

“But he’s only just turned seven!” Scott exclaimed. “We don’t know where else to look! Please, this will at least give us a clue!”

“I’m sorry son, but it’s out of the question. The police are the only people who may view the footage.”

“The police! Of course. We need to phone them!”

“Scott, they won’t believe us; we’re kids! You need to phone dad and grandma first and let them contact the police. Look, you phone dad, I’ll phone grandma.”

And that is what they did, whilst Virgil and Gordon stood quietly at their side, biting their lips with worry.

John got hold of Ruth Tracy within a few rings and she told him she would be there as soon as possible. Scott on the other hand, wasn’t having any success. He rang and rang and rang. He left messages, sent messages, tried phoning again. “Pick up the damn phone!” he screamed at it, when it went to voicemail once again, and Scott swore down it at his father, telling him to get himself back home immediately because they needed to view the footage at the bus station for clues. John placed a comforting hand on his shoulder in an effort to ground him, then his own phone rang.

“It’s grandma,” he said answering it. “No grandma. Scott’s kept phoning continuously, left messages, but dad hasn’t picked up or rung back. We need to see if the cameras at the bus station have recorded Alan being here… okay… thank you grandma. Please hurry! See you soon. Yes, we’ll still be here at the bus station. Bye.”

“Well?” Scott asked, tempted to throw his phone on the floor in utter frustration because he just couldn’t get hold of his father and it was too early still to leave a message with his personal assistant.

“Grandma’s on her way. She’ll be about an hour.”

“An hour!” Virgil exclaimed. “If Alan’s caught a bus that means he’ll be an hour further away from us!”

“There’s nothing we can do,” John said. “We just have to wait. I suggest we go to the café and get some breakfast or something. I don’t think any of us are going to school today!”

The hour seemed to take forever to pass and the four boys were waiting outside the bus station looking up and down for their grandmother.

A few minutes passed and then they saw her walking towards them and they ran to her.

“Grandma!” they cried, hugging her as she attempted to enfold all four of them in her arms.

“Hello boys. I’ve managed to get hold of your father. He should be here very shortly, along with the police.” The tone of her voice indicated that she was less than pleased with her son. “Come on, back into the bus station, it’s cold out here.”

Sitting on the bus, feeling totally miserable, Alan looked out of the window at the surrounding countryside as the sun rose. It varied greatly. Great expanses of nothingness covered in snow, then towns and the odd stoppage to pick up and drop off passengers. He caught glimpses of people in their houses as they travelled past, as they started their day and something popped into his head. He couldn’t remember where he’d heard it or who had said it, but he understood what they meant now… ‘I look in people’s windows, transfixed by rose golden glows’. It was just like that! Lights on, the warmth, the love of family as they shared breakfast; saying good morning to each other and tears filled his eyes.

He was never going to feel that again; his eldest brother’s arms around him, making him feel safe and secure, the pranking with his older brother which had stopped just over a year ago after their mother had…. He sniffed loudly and savagely wiped his eyes. He’d never been on his own before and he was terrified at the prospect, which made him curl up in his seat to make himself as small as possible.

Part of him wished he hadn’t embarked on this plan of action whilst another scoffed at his fear, telling him he hadn’t had any choice. His family had driven him away; didn’t care about him; hated him… well, all apart from Scott. That was Alan’s biggest regret. Leaving his eldest brother—his dad—because Scotty had been much more of a dad than his real dad had ever been.

Fresh tears flowed. Right now, he wished Scott was there with him to give him a hug and tell him everything was going to be all right, but that wasn’t going to happen…

The object of Alan’s thoughts was currently glaring daggers at his father, who had just arrived at the bus station with the local sheriff. If Jeff noticed, he made no comment, but he noted his mother was also looking most displeased and was clutching a piece of paper tightly.

Ruth decided she would have words with her son, but not in front of the police. She had been horrified and shocked when she had read Alan’s letter and found out that Jeff had struck his eldest, and the look she gave her other grandsons was enough to make them feel totally and utterly ashamed that they had treated their youngest brother the way they had. She didn’t need to tell them how disappointed in them she was, they could see it clearly written in her expression and they hung their heads low in shame.

Sheriff Wallace shook hands with the older woman. “Mrs Tracy. Sorry to meet you in these circumstances. Let’s see what we can find on those cameras, shall we?”

He led the way, and they were granted access to the security room. They concentrated initially on those that covered the ticket machines and after an hour of fast forwarding through the footage, Scott gave an exclamation.

“That’s him! With the bright red rucksack!”

They watched as Alan purchased a ticket, got the time stamp then followed him towards the waiting room, where he stayed for about an hour before leaving. Switching through a number of cameras, they finally found him getting onto a bus heading for Denver.

That was enough for Jeff. “If we take the jet we can get to the bus station before his bus arrives,” he said. “Mom, will you take John, Virgil and Gordon home? I’ll take Scott with me.”

The three younger brothers immediately protested. But Jeff was adamant.

“Boys, with how you’ve treated him, he’s likely to make a run for it. He won’t if Scott is there. Ready son?”

“Yes, dad.” He turned to his younger brothers. “Put all the bikes in the back of the pickup, and do what grandma asks, okay? We’ll bring Allie home.” He quickly hugged his brothers and kissed his grandma’s cheek before nodding at his father, who did the same, and they ran to Jeff’s car and drove to the airport.

They arrived in good time, made their way to the bus station and waited impatiently for the bus to arrive.

“Dad… I think you should stay out of sight until I have Alan, just in case.”

Jeff went to protest but Scott interrupted him.

“You haven’t been there for him. I have.”

Jeff felt himself bristling. “Now wait a minute, Scott… what’s going on? He’s my youngest but you and mom both gave me a filthy look when I arrived.”

Scott didn’t say a word.

“Son, I asked you a question. I expect an answer.”

“And if I don’t answer, are you going to hit me again?” he replied, contempt on his face.

Jeff stepped back as if it the almost 13 year old had hit him.

“Scotty, I… I’m sorry, I should never have done that. You tried to tell me and I didn’t listen… I wouldn’t listen and in the end, it’s resulted in us being here now, trying to get Allie back. I know I haven’t been a good father these past couple of years but this has brought me to my senses, I swear it. I will make it up to all of you, I promise.”

“Grandma knows you hit me. They all know. Turns out Allie saw and he put it in a letter to me. They’ve all seen the letter, dad.”

Jeff closed his eyes. “I’ll fix this, I promise, Scotty. I will.”

Scott shook his head. “More empty promises, dad? Don’t make them unless you plan on keeping them.” He turned away, feeling close to tears. He told himself he would never cry again; never believe anything his dad promised ever again.

“Scotty…” Jeff grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. “Please forgive me. I swear on your mother’s memory, I will change and I will make it up to all of you.”

Oh how he wanted to believe that. He looked up into his father’s face, searching it, looking for the sincerity and assurance that what he said was true. “You had better not break that promise, dad, or I will never, ever forgive you.”

Jeff hugged him even tighter and carded a hand through his hair. “I will never forgive myself for striking you, and I want you to know that I love you… I love all of you.” He kissed the top of his son’s head.

Scott almost broke down at that point but bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, using the pain to stop himself from doing so. He could taste blood in his mouth. His father would need to prove that his word was true before he would succumb.

He straightened up and turned round. His eyes strayed to the outside. “The bus is here,” he said quietly, disentangling himself from his father’s arms and walking outside to the bay. He stood, partly obscured by other people waiting for friends and family to disembark.

Alan was one of the last to get off. He paused and looked around. Denver was a big city, but he wasn’t planning on staying, he would get something to eat, then book a ticket to LA.

He stood, unsure about which way to go, and then, as people moved away after greeting loved ones, he looked up to see a lone figure standing before him. “Da – daddy? Wh – what are you doing here?”

Hidden from view, Jeff’s heart broke a little as he realised his youngest wasn’t talking to him, but to his eldest.

Scott stepped forward and hugged him. “I’ve come to take you home, Allie. I won’t let you leave, brother. I love you.”

“But the others hate me!”

“Not anymore. You’re coming home.”

“But I don’t understand… how did you get here so fast?”

“Dad flew me here.”

“Dad!?” Alan looked around almost fearfully and tried to pull free of Scott’s embrace. “Is… is he angry?”

“No… worried.” Scott held his brother at arm’s length and turned him around.

Alan’s eyes widened. His father was walking towards them. When he was just a few steps away, he stopped and held out his arms to his youngest.

“Allie, my boy…” He knelt down and waited.

Alan looked up at Scott who smiled and nodded at him encouragingly, so he took a tentative step towards his father.

“Please… son,” Jeff whispered. “I love you. Come.”

The boy took another step, and then another, then flew into his father’s arms.

“Why Allie? Why did you run away?”

“You did – didn’t love me anymore. None of you loved me… you all blamed me for… for mom’s death.” He was crying now as his father hugged him tightly.

“That’s not true, son. I admit our treatment of you has been… bad; we were mourning, and I’m sorry that we took it out on you, but that is over now. One day, when you’re older, you will understand the terrible things that grief can make you do and act. I hope you never suffer it, but just know that it can destroy you if it gets too strong a hold.”

“When… when I was travelling on the bus and the sun was coming up, I remembered a line I’d heard… I look in people’s windows, transfixed by rose golden glows… I couldn’t remember where I’d heard it before but I remember now… it was from a song… quite an old song wasn’t it?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“The sun cast that rose golden glow in their windows and I felt so sad, daddy.”

“Well, you don’t need to be sad any more, Allie. We’re going to be a proper family again, I promise you.” Jeff looked up into his eldest’s eyes. “Let’s go home.” He stood up, lifting Alan into his arms and reached out a hand to Scott. “Let’s go home,” he repeated and they turned to locate a cab that would take them back to the airport and the jet so they could complete their journey.