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There are some things that Juno really wants to bury. His half a childhood is one of them, considering the non-zero amount of physical burials it was already the catalyst for. But that one won’t work, it’ll never be fully underground unless – until – those he spent it with are six feet below Oldtown Cemetary, and they’re too close to the surface for him to let that happen.
Mick Mercury is caught sitting on the curb down the road from the Oldtown HCPD station, twisting the end of his hair between his fingers. Juno can tell that he has nothing better to do. “Hey, Mercury,” he greets, suddenly hyperaware of how he looks, how tired he sounds, and how empty he feels. His hair’s been getting longer – he was always the one who kept it short, but now there’s nobody he has to be contrary against, and it feels wrong. He wishes that he wishes it’d stop, but that’d be even worse.
“JJ!” He says like he wasn’t sitting there just to look bored ‘til Sasha or Juno passed him by. “We haven’t talked since – how long has it been?” They both know how long it’s been. They caught up regularly since Sarah was tried for her son’s murder. Her son and Juno’s brother, the flexible brawn to his brains and the emotion to his logic.
And that’s been ten months exactly. The time Juno took off from the academy to see how much he could drink himself to death in two weeks without an ID left him more alone than he would be normally. That’s what got Sasha ahead of him, they’d no longer be side by side for every hour of each day. She’s almost ready to graduate, and Juno…well…isn’t.
“It’s been a while, Mick. How’re you doing?” His voice comes out more of a growl than he intends. He isn’t surprised that nothing’s normal, he’s surprised that he can’t pretend.
“Well, I applied for a good few jobs, just waiting to hear back from all of ‘em.” He doesn’t ask how Juno is doing in return. There’s only so well he can do. Instead, Mick asks “Want to do something together?”
“I’m not buying you anything,” he says instinctively, though he’d like to have somewhere to go where someone wants him. “But sure.”
“That’s great, Juno! Can I show you something?” Juno shrugs a yes, and Mick smiles like he’s still a stupid sixteen year old.
Juno is surprised when they end up in the sewers, stinky water going almost to the ankles of his nice pants. “What are you showing me down here?”
“I found something cool, and, y’know, not illegal? Since you’re going to be a cop now? Sasha told me that Oldtown’s sewers are some of the few that count as a public space, thanks to some flub on the documents that someone forgot to change.” Of course this stupid town can’t even ban things right.
“It’s still gross. Now what is it?” Juno hates it down here, it’s cold and it’ll take more showers than he has the energy for to get the smell off of him. Still, Mick’s a compassionate and overall decent person, even if he is a decent person who thinks a sewer is the best place to catch up with a friend you somehow still want to keep.
Mick stays silent, walking about thirty feet forward before whispering “look.” It’s a nest of torn-up creds and newspaper with a sleeping sewer rabbit pup curled up in it. “His mom must’ve died or something. I watched ‘im for like, six hours, and she didn’t show up.” That statement on its own is fine, but the statement that immediately follows makes Juno want to cry and scream and throw up.
“I named him Benzaiten for you. I’m taking care of him.” Juno almost loses all of the shit he has gathered within the last few months.
“What the hell, Mercury. I’m not going to get over it just because of some goddamn smelly rabbit you named. He’s gone. I had to bury my twin brother – Ma wouldn’t, obviously, and this won’t fix any of it.” Every muscle in his body tenses and he wants to leave, maybe sleep over at Sasha’s even if they don’t talk. But something else strikes him right through his heart, and that’s the fact that this is exactly the same type of stupidly sweet gesture that Benten would do. He would see a creature that isn’t cared for, and stay with it, even though he doesn’t have to. Ben would tack on that ‘for you’ and it’d make all the difference. It still makes Juno’s stomach drop, Mick’s never been good at much and ‘much’ includes being sentimental. “Fuck off. Sympathy is one hell of a thing if it makes you try for more than two seconds, and even then.”
Mick is gripping at his arms, breathing heavily, and he’s more of a mess than usual. “Y–you’re saying you don’t want to remember him? That’s bad, JJ. You should–”
Juno chews his lip. He’s getting mad. “I don’t want to be told how I should react to the fact that I didn’t stop my brother from getting shot. I don’t want to remember how I couldn’t save him.” Juno remembers going through the goddamn files as soon as the transcript for Sarah’s interview, it was right there at the station after all. In typewritten print, a confession. That she mistook one son for the other, thought Ben was Juno – the kid that moved out, coming back just to steal more from her. If she would’ve, then she should’ve, and nobody wants to remember that they’re really supposed to be dead.
Mick has a big sigh, opens a bag of some cheap snack and puts it gently next to the sewer rabbit who has now awoken thanks to Juno’s outburst, formulating what he’s going to say next. After he tosses every attempt at empathizing out – Juno’s right that he’s miserable at it. He was miserable at it when Annie died seven years ago, and this is no different.
Instead, Mick lets out a pathetic “I lost him too, y’know.” Sure, Benten was never part of the trio of the century – or less than a quarter century, if we’re being realistic – but he hung around. Ate lunch with the three of them in all the best spots, and Juno making an effort to bring Ben along whenever he went to Sasha’s house after school, just to avoid being at home. Safety in numbers, and if that doesn’t work out, having more people to miss you when you’re gone is the next best thing.
If it was Juno who was shot through the spine and cried over for hours staring at the ceiling, Benten wouldn’t make it anyone’s problem but his own. He’d take the sentiment as honor, he’d romanticize death the same way he romanticised life. Ben would apologize to Mick. And that’s why Juno creeps closer to Mick and the rabbit and says “I’m sorry, Mercury,” and then, “Nobody wanted this, I’m sorry.”
Mick hugs him. It’s not the good old days, they aren’t their good old selves, and they’ve lost a few things that they thought would stay with them forever. Nothing’s going to save them anymore, not North Star heroes or hiding out or full-on leaving or being so goddamn sorry. They’re not kids, but if Juno doesn’t screw up again, which in his professional opinion he most definitely will, maybe they can stay friends.
Benzaiten would’ve wanted Juno to keep his friends.