Chapter Text
It stared, as it always did, with blue.
“What’s your favorite color?” were the first words out of his mouth when he approached her, sitting alone at recess. His Mom had always told him that sometimes, people on their own wanted to be alone, but Jay couldn’t focus on that. She looked too sad to leave by herself.
She looked up, and he was right. Her eyes - almost completely obscured by her sharp bangs - were red-rimmed and watery. She sniffled, then whispered. “I like blue.”
“I like blue, too!” Jay said, his voice as bright as usual, even in the face of someone who had obviously had a hard first day of school. “I’m Jay.”
Another quiet sniffle. “I’m Nya.”
“Hi!”
“Hi.”
“Do you want to come play with me and my friends? We’re being magic ninjas, but you can’t have lightning powers, because I already have lightning powers,” Jay said, wiggling his fingers at Nya. She let out a small, watery laugh. Jay really liked the sound of it, his gap-toothed grin widening as Nya stood from the bench, dusting off her overalls and letting Jay lead the way into the beginning of their tight-knit, undeniable friendship.
Nya nudged Jay’s foot - crossed under his desk in her direction - with hers, not taking her attention off of the chalkboard and their teacher, who was droning on about something boring that they’d already mastered, needing no further instruction. Jay glanced at her, then saw the scrap of paper she was passing him. He smiled, his eyeline still on the front of the classroom, and took it.
are you as bored out of your skull as i am?
His grin widened as he scribbled down a message of his own, then passed the paper back to Nya, who chuckled softly as she read it, then wrote a message of her own.
i’ve been playing video games in my head for the last half an hour - finally got to the infinity maze in prime empire
think you’ll beat it?
Jay jotted down another message, his handwriting sloppy in his haste.
if mr d keeps blabbering about djinjagin artefacts, probably
Nya turned to Jay, flashing him a low-browed smirk that said ‘oh yeah, definitely’. Jay reached out his palm for her to pass the paper back so he could write more.
wanna come over later? see if i can beat it outside of the mind palace?
Nya had just reached over to grab the note when Mr D turned, his attention immediately landing on the exchange. He sighed.
“Jay, Nya. I know you’re B-F-Fs and all, but please focus up. You’re distracting your classmates,” he said, not punishing them any further. Their history teacher had always been more concerned with being their friend, though none of his students could understand the draw of impressing middle schoolers. Still, they both offered a quick apology and turned away from each other as Mr D returned to his second-period lecture.
As soon as their teacher’s back was turned, Nya nudged Jay’s foot again.
“I’d love to.”
“Jay Walker, you’re gonna get us killed!”
“Where’s your sense of adventure, Nee?” Jay asked, adjusting the pressure of his foot on the pedal and screeching down the empty street. Nya shrieked, her laugh undeniable.
“I can’t believe they gave you of all people a license!” she shouted over the sound of the whistling wind through the open windows, her hair flying around, her eyes bright when Jay managed to look over at her, flashing her a grin. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you idiot!”
He laughed, easing off the gas a bit. Nya shoved his shoulder once there was less of a chance of them spinning off the road, her own giggle escaping her lips, her fingers still wrapped around his arm. “What a way to go, though.”
“You should just ask her out. Everyone knows you want to,” Cole muttered, sipping from his carton of milk. Jay turned, his eyes wide. “Well, everyone except you two, apparently.”
“We’re just friends.”
“Oh, yeah. 'Just friends' my ass,” he said, following Jay’s attention to the table across the cafeteria, where Nya was sitting with a group of guys from her engineering class. She’d apologized to their friends for not being able to have lunch with them, like she usually did, since she had to study for their massive exam. Jay had waved her off, complaining about her being too smart for the rest of them - which Nya had grinned at, ruffling his hair before leaving - but he was already missing having her at the table with them. "With all those late-night phone calls and 'not-dates' that are totally dates. You're basically dating without getting to kiss each other."
"No! We're not!" Jay said quickly, his voice pitched up, completely throwing off any attempt at nonchalance.
Stupid crush. He’d realized it about a year ago, when all of their friends had piled into Kai’s Jeep and made a day of going to the beach. Jay and Nya had been splashing around the water, teasing each other and laughing long after the rest of their group returned to the shore, when it clicked. Everything clicked.
Not that Jay could act on it. He couldn’t risk ruining what they had. Why on earth would someone as amazing as Nya, his best friend, be interested in someone like him?
Nya caught Jay’s eye, miming shooting herself in the head as one of her classmates continued quizzing her. Jay grinned and mouthed sorry, but all she could do was beam at him and shake her head across the cafeteria before returning to work. His stomach flipped, and he quickly changed the subject before Cole - smirking knowingly at Jay’s side - could comment on the exchange.
Staying friends was safer.
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“It’s your birthday, Nee. It’s the law for me to get you something special. You only turn seventeen once. Unless you’re a vampire. Are you?” Jay asked, widening his eyes as Nya rolled hers.
”Oh, no! You’ve caught on to my secret! Now I have to kill you, sorry BlueJay.”
”Rats!” Jay said, pushing the box into Nya’s hands. She chuckled, opening it up. “Besides, it’s kinda a gift for me, too.”
“Woah! This is amazing!” Nya said, her grin widening as she pulled the pendant out of the box. A teardrop shape, half of a silver circle. “Did you make it?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, of course you did.” Nya grinned, her smile miles wide as she ran her finger along the rippling edge of the pendant, where the welding was slightly sloppy. Jay had a feeling that that part, evidence that he had spent hours and hours trying to make it perfect for her, was her favorite part. That, or the fact that he was wearing an identical one. “We match!” she squealed when he pulled it free from his shirt, uncrossing her legs from underneath herself, nearly tackling Jay in a hug. “I love it so much. Thank you, Jay.”
“Of course, Nya. Anything and everything for you,” he whispered, squeezing her tighter before adding - because he was terrified that she was reading into his not-so-secret feelings - “You're my best friend.”
When she pulled away, then suggested that they figure out a movie to watch for their night in - her favorite way to celebrate the momentous occasion of her birth - Jay agreed, but he couldn't focus the entire time. With his arm wrapped around her shoulders, her hair tickling his cheek, all he could think about was running his hand up her arm, turning her to face him, and pressing a soft kiss to her perfect lips, which were always tipped up for him.
It should have been a fun night. They’d always loved dancing together, going to more concerts than either of their summer jobs could pay for and dancing the entire time until their feet ached. But they weren’t dancing together tonight.
Over her date’s shoulder, Nya’s crumpled corsage hung on her wrist. A once bright pink flower that had faded with age and was seemingly seconds away from all the petals falling to the sparkling floor of the gym. So not Nya. So unlike the one that was left abandoned in Jay’s car, the fresh blue one that he’d picked up on the way to the dance, just in case. It would have gone perfectly with her sapphire prom dress.
Nya had her head on the other guy’s shoulder - her boyfriend’s shoulder, they’d been dating for a month and twenty days, Jay counted every one - and they had been swaying gently through every cheesy love song. Jay felt like a creep for watching, knowing she had no reason to wait for him since he’d never asked her to their last dance of high school, to cross the barrier into non-friend-ness. Jay wanted to look away over and over again, but he never did. He couldn’t. Nya looked so beautiful. She always looked beautiful, but he could sense the time that she took to get the night just right. He could sense that her date didn’t appreciate it as much as Jay did, more focused on grabbing her ass through her dress, prompting Nya to not at all subtly move his hands up.
As one song melted into the next, Nya turned so her eyes were just over her date’s wide shoulder, opening up to scan the crowd. If he hadn’t been so captivated by the sharp wings sketched around her wide, brown eyes, Jay would have looked away so she wouldn’t see him staring. When she did, he flashed her a small smile and she tilted her head to grin back, her hand on her date’s shoulder offering a tiny wave before she was turned away, led deeper into the crowd.
Once she was out of sight, Jay turned to Cole, demanding the flask he’d snuck in, and retreated to the parking lot.
School was out. Their caps had been tossed, diplomas earned, youthful memories made to be cherished for years to come. Jay sensed the ending from the second he woke up that morning, and had been feeling queasy ever since. Something was off, beyond the anxiety of teetering on the edge of the unknown, but he couldn’t place it.
“So, I’ll see you later?” Nya asked, pulling away from their ‘thank-god-we’re-done-with-high-school’ hug. Jay pushed a smile to his lips, but he was sure it didn’t meet his eyes, which flickered over Nya’s shoulder. Her boyfriend was waiting, his hands on his hips as he looked on, waiting to drag her to whatever kegger was waiting for them.
“I’ll see you later,” Jay said with a nod, watching her flash him one last smile before she vanished into the mass of caps and gowns, hand in hand with her perfect high school sweetheart. Jay could feel their bond, the one they’d had since the moment they’d met, deteriorating as Nya left. If her heart wasn't already spoken for, Jay would have begged for it. He would have taken her hand, pulling her back to him, retethering the string that had connected their souls since the moment they met. But he didn't. He just watched her go like a coward.
He never did get the chance to see her again. He never got a chance to ruin what they had by admitting his crush, begging her to feel the same way.
The phone rang, and rang, and rang as Jay extracted himself from under the car he’d been tinkering with, standing up and crossing the junkyard in moments, quickly wiping the grease off of his hands before grabbing the landline and answering.
“Hey, Kai… What? Dude, I can barely hear what you’re- what happened?”
Jay pulled his jacket tighter around himself. He’d forgotten how cold Ninjago could get, having gotten used to the desert in the years he’d been away. Kai was standing beside him, his face equally grim, his jaw just as tight. They looked down at the same stone for a while in silence, before Nya’s brother had a chance to break it.
“She would have dropped everything the second you asked her.” Jay turned slightly to see Kai already looking at him, his eyes sad. His entire body seemed to be drooped, his posture terrible, his hair hanging limp around his face without the gel that Jay had gotten so used to. Guess that’s what your little sister dying does to you. Jay was sure his curls were just as flat, his body just as hunched. Guess that’s what your best friend - the girl of your dreams, probably the love of your life -dying does to you. “I thought you’d’ve known that.”
God. What an idiot he’d been. Too little, too late. Never enough at all.
With his fingers clutching his half of their homemade matching pendants, Jay knew he'd regret it for all time, all that he hadn't done, all that he hadn't told Nya. All for the sake of preserving a friendship that they both wanted to be more.
“I’ll give you some space. When you’re ready, I’ve got enough booze to rot an army of livers,” Kai said quietly, the snow crunching beneath his feet as he left Jay alone in the frigid air to look down at the eternal resting place of the girl he’d loved since they were kids. Since before he’d known what love even felt like. In that moment, the string between their souls hung limp, still tethered to the grave.
Now, all that consumed Jay was a hollow, aching feeling as he knelt in front of the headstone, running his fingers along the dates carved under Nya’s beautiful name. Too few years. Too much life to still be lived, which she never would. A tear slipped free at the thought, opening up the dam that had been cemented behind his eyes until he was sobbing, knelt in the empty cemetery, fingers clutching the forget-me-nots he had brought her. One last gift.
And there, it ended with blue, too.