Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shooting star on the night we first kissed
Like a sign, if I blink, you'll be missed
In my mind, you and I still exist
It's a thought that is dangerous

They met at one of Ilse Neuman’s parties in the first year of university.

Ernst had been abandoned by the host herself and the rest of the friends he came with, so now he was alone, outside the house swirling some unknown substance Ilse (or maybe Martha) had handed him in a silver solo cup. He stared up at the blinking fairy lights wishing that he could somehow come up with a reason to leave, but he had been drinking, and his DD was nowhere to be found so he’d have to uber if he did want to go.

“You seem thrilled to be here.” Someone said, breaking Ernst from his thoughts.

“Hm? Oh I-” Ernst turned to look at his new guest but froze for a moment. The newcomer was a bit taller than him with short curly blonde hair and icy blue eyes, he wore this deep blue floral button-up that maybe only had three buttons done total leaving most of his tan chest exposed and these creme slacks that fit him as if they were tailor made to his legs. For a trashy college party, he looked sorely out of place, but it was almost clear this was the most casual thing he owned.

The blonde stranger smirked as he watched Ernst stare, “Haven’t you heard it’s rude to stare at strangers?”

“I- sorry” he said, tearing his eyes away from the stranger, his own freckled cheeks beet red and it wasn’t just from the alcohol.

“It’s alright, the name is Hanschen Rilow, and you are…?”

“Ernst Robel.” He said a little too quickly, meeting Hanschen’s eyes.

“There, we aren’t strangers. Stare all you like Robel, I don’t mind.” Hanschen said with a wink and Ernst’s mouth went dry. “You aren’t half bad yourself, so why aren’t you in there if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My friends left me out here on a drink run but, I don’t think they’re coming back.” Ernst said, watching as Hanschen pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and a lighter.

“Pity, you want one?” He offered.

“I don’t smoke, but thanks anyways.” Ernst smiled, Hanschen merely shrugged and popped a cigarette in his mouth and lit it; Ernst watched the whole thing with quiet interest, eyes on Hanschen’s mouth.

For as much as Ernst was acutely aware of everything the blonde did, after that Hanschen's interest seemed to fizzle out like a campfire as it started to rain.

“Did you come with anyone?” The brunette probed, trying not to lose the cute boy's interest.

“Just some friends, if you could call them that. The most annoying guys I’ve ever met but one of them is my roommate and the others just happen to tag along.” He said leaning against one of the poles from which the fairy lights above them were strewn. “What about you?”

“I’m friends with the host.”

“No shit!” Hanschen grinned “My roommate, the annoying asshole Gabor, his best friend is dating the host! Moritz Stiefel is dating Ilse- I have no idea what her last name is- but I’ve seen her around with him!”

“Oh! I know Moritz, he's super sweet! The girls and I adore him!”

“I have no idea how he’s best friends with an asshole like Gabor- knowing that he’s such a pushover-”

“I wouldn’t call him a pushover, he’s just sweet,” Ernst defended on Moritz’s behalf.

“I don’t think I’ve seen him stand up for a single decision when we’ve hung out. Ergo- a pushover.”

There was no way this guy actually just used the word ‘Ergo’ in conversation. Ernst stared at Hanschen blankly for a moment. Ernst downed what was left of his mystery drink before responding, “Just because he doesn’t stand up for himself around the guy you have repeatedly called an asshole doesn’t mean he’s a pushover. I’ve seen him make plenty of decisions- mostly about food, but decisions nonetheless.”

Hanschen smirked a little, the look he was giving Ernst was something akin to a lion sizing up its next meal, Ernst almost shrunk in on himself more than he naturally was. “Touché”

Ernst blinked in surprise. “Touché?”

“Touché, as in, you had a valid point that provides a solid counterargument to my own.” Hanschen shrugged.

Ernst started laughing, which made it Hanschen’s turn to be absolutely caught off guard. “Oh my god”

“What?” The blonde asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You have to be a political science major right?” Ernst asked, unable to hold in the laughter.

“Politics? Ew! No where the fuck did you get that from-?” Hanschen asked, starting to laugh a little himself though not nearly as much as Ernst.

“Nobody says Ergo and mansplains the word Touché!”

“I’ll give you another guess.” Hanschen said dryly.

Ernst looked at him, squinting through his brow-line glasses. “I don’t know, if you aren't Poli Sci-” then it seemed to dawn on him “don’t tell me you’re a Lit major.”

Hanschen only laughed at Ernst. “Close enough, it’s Classical Literature.”

“Holy shit you are way more pretentious than just Poli Sci-” Ernst said before covering his mouth “I’m sorry I did not mean to say that out loud, my filter apparently left with the last of my drink.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel, Robel.” Hanschen said, stepping into Ernst’s personal space and taking another drag from his cigarette which was nearly out by now (luckily he did have the decency not to blow the smoke in Ernst's face despite their newfound closeness). “Now what about you… an introvert but still came to a party. I’m pretty sure Ilse is a studio art major if my memory serves me correct, so you could be friends with her from class? Unless you met her during orientation or during a Gen ed or outside of class. Though the paint on the collar of your shirt implies it was probably during a major required class. My final guess is Studio Art, same as Ilse.”

Ernst looked down at the collar of his shirt where sure enough there was a bit of paint, he looked up at Hanschen first confused but then replaced the look with a smirk. “You got it half right, I’m a double major.”

Hanschen dropped the cigarette and stomped out what remained of the embers, “Psychology.” He said without looking up. “Because it’s the 5th most popular bachelor’s degree in the nation and of the top 5 most likely combination with studio art; because you don’t seem like a business major.”

“What the-”

Hanschen looked up with a smirk “Was I right?”

Ernst nodded silently

“I’m pretty good at reading between the lines.” Hanschen winked, reaching over and pushing some of Ernst’s hair behind his ear.

Ernst blushed bright red, stunned speechless.

“You’re cute when you blush,” Hanschen said quietly, looking between Ernst’s eyes and his lips.

“Uh- You’re pretty nice to look at yourself” Ernst breathed quietly, acutely aware of just how close they were.

Shaking his head with an amused grin, Hanschen was the one to close the distance. He leaned down and cupped Ernst’s face with his hand already on Ernst’s cheek. Instinctually Ernst wrapped his arms loosely around Hanschen's shoulders, dropping his empty cup in the grass behind him. Hanschen tasted like cigarette smoke and cheap whiskey and cocoa butter chapstick. Ernst couldn’t stop thinking about how smooth his lips were, or how intoxicating the kiss was. Usually he would have been disgusted by the taste of smoke, but right now it was heavenly. He must have been drunker than he thought, then again his lack of filter probably could have told him that.

When they pulled apart Ernst blinked up at Hanschen a little stunned, but the smile that danced across his lips was all Hanschen needed to know about how Ernst felt.

“Was that alright?” Hanschen asked, fixing Ernst’s glasses which had gotten a bit tilted out of place.

“More than alright.” Ernst said with a dumb smile, pulling himself up to kiss Hanschen again. He was on his tiptoes since the blonde had straightened a bit after their first kiss, but Ernst was able to stay balanced with his arms still around Henschen’s shoulders.

Hanschen’s free hand moved to the small of Ernst’s back, stabilizing him further.

Neither noticed, too focused on each other, as the fairy lights above them blinked out with the last of their battery life. Only the residual lights from the house kept them out of pure darkness. When the two did separate again they both had to blink a bit, trying to adjust to the darkness.

“Where’d the lights go?” Ernst asked as if Hanschen might know the answer.

“You must have burned them out with how much you’re glowing,” Hanschen said.

Ernst hit him gently, grateful the darkness was hiding his blush “Ok Mr. Smooth talker, how about any real answers?”

“Either the lights are on a timer, or they died, either way I don’t mind. The stars and moon are providing plenty of light.”

Ernst looked up at the night sky, “The stars are really pretty tonight.”

“Do you want to get out of here?” Hanschen asked suddenly.

“Sure-”

Hanschen grabbed Ernst’s hand and started leading him around the side of the house. “I promise I haven’t had much to drink, so I am a responsible driver.”

“I appreciate that” Ernst said with a smile, despite the fact Hanschen couldn’t see it.

Hanschen led the way down the block towards a silver BMW. As Hanschen pulled out his keys and his phone to text the people he came with that he was leaving, Ernst stopped in his tracks just staring at the BMW this apparently rich guy drove.

Hanschen unlocked the car and finished sending the text before he realized that Ernst had stopped behind him. “Everything ok?”

“You drive a fucking BMW?”

“Yeah?”

“Classic Lit, BMW, and you wore a button up and slacks to a college party… what kind of rich other planet are you from?”

“The Hamptons.” Hanschen grinned “Now are you coming or what?”

Ernst stared for a moment before just nodding and getting into the passenger seat of the car.

“So now you know where I’m from, what about you?” Hanschen asked, starting to drive.

Ernst had pulled out his phone and was sending his own text of ‘I’m ok, just leaving with a guy whose net worth is probably the same as all of ours combined’ to the group chat. “Oh, nowhere special, or anywhere that you’d know honestly.”

“Try me.”

“A small town in the Midwest, and that’s all you need to know since they all blend together.”

“Ok fair enough.”

“Are we.. heading to campus?” Ernst asked, starting to recognize the directions they were going.

“Yep.” Hanschen said, popping the ‘p’ a little.

“Why?”

“Because the hill in front of the main building is the best place I could think of to stargaze?” Hanschen said, looking over for a second.

Ernst looked over with wide eyes, simply full of pure surprise.

“That’s ok right?”

“It's perfect.”

Hanschen parked in the student lot and quickly got out of the car, running around to open Ernst’s door. This time the car’s overhead light betrayed Ernst because he was certainly beet red from the gesture. “Thank you.”

“Any time. Now come on.” He insisted, offering Ernst his hand.

Ernst at once took it and the two haphazardly made their way towards the hill in front of the main building despite the campus being hardly lit. When they finally reached their desired destination Hanschen almost immediately plopped down to the grass and pulled Ernst with him. Ernst, ever graceful, practically fell onto Hanschen entirely.

“Sorry-” Ernst immediately apologized, trying to move and sit next to Hanschen rather than be entirely on top of him.

“If you wanted to skip to that step you could have just asked in the car” Hanschen laughed.

Ernst physically cringed “Nope just.. clumsy.” He lay back on the grass

“I’m just kidding, don’t worry.” The blonde said, looking down at him.

“The stars are really pretty tonight.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed..”

At first Ernst thought that his impromptu date was being an ass but then he realized just how much the blonde was staring at him. “No?”

“I’ve been a little preoccupied.”

“With?” The brunette probed starting to sit up.

“Someone a lot prettier than a handful of stars,” Hanschen said, leaning down to kiss him again.

“You are making it pretty hard to keep up with your flirting game.” Ernst mumbled, not quite closing the distance between them.

“That’s alright, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to make up for it. If you’ll let me?”

“I think I can make that work.” Ernst grinned before finally closing what little distance was left between them.

Cause I'll wait forever
I won't look for better
I'll find signs for you and I
Oh, for you and I

By the third year of their dating, it had become the norm for Hanschen and Ernst to spend the holidays in the Hamptons. They’d spend Thanksgiving with Ernst’s family and then Ernst would stay all of winter break with Hanschen’s family.

As they got to the house Hanschen opened the door and Ernst stumbled inside, glasses immediately fogging up from the change in temperature. Hanschen hauled their bags in after them and closed the door, trying to keep the cold out.

“My boys!” Hanschen’s mother immediately called from elsewhere in the house, the sound of her footsteps growing louder as she made her way towards the front door. “How was the drive?”

“It was great until it started snowing Mrs. Rilow.” Ernst smiled as she pulled him into a hug.

“Ernst, dear, how many times have I told you to just call me Adele, or better yet Mom?” She asked, still hugging Ernst and not her own son yet.

“Too many times to count Mrs. Rilow,” Ernst laughed, “but I can’t, you know that.”

“You say that, but I highly doubt that.” She said finally pulling away, kissing his forehead. “I’m glad you’re here honey.”

Hanschen was leaning against the door with a raised eyebrow, “You could just say it to my face that you like my boyfriend more than your own son.”

“I could never do such a thing!” Adele laughed, pulling her son into a hug and kissing his face. “I just needed to give you a moment to breathe before I smother you”

Ernst snickered, moving off to the side to take off his winter coat and boots, tucking them into the closet. He waited until the mother and son had finished greeting each other before taking his boyfriend's things as well and tucking them right beside his own.

“Are the girls here?” Ernst asked, wondering after Hanschen’s younger sisters.

“They’re still in school, their break doesn’t let out until the nineteenth, so they’ll still be in school until four.” Adele hummed “Did you see your brother's engagement photos?”

Ernst watched the tension build in Hanschen’s shoulders and carefully reached out for his hand, just rubbing circles into the back of Hanschen's hand with his thumb.

“His what now?” Hanschen asked, eyebrows knit together.

“Klaus’s engagement photos.”

“Since when does Klaus have a fiancée? Or a girlfriend for that matter?”

“I think they’ve been dating for a year or so? We met her at thanksgiving”

“Hansi, let’s go unpack, otherwise we’ll still be at the dorm when your sisters get here.” Ernsts said quietly

Hanschen let go of Ernst's hand and just grabbed the bags. “Yeah, let’s go.” He said, clearly upset. He started to go towards the bedroom only for his father to call out for him from somewhere within the house. Dropping the bags in pure frustration he just stared at Ernst, piercing blue eyes looking almost through Ernst’s forest green.

“Go, I’ll start, you can catch up later.” Ernst said calmly. Hanschen only nodded and went off towards wherever the call had come from in the massive house.

Adele gave Ernst a sympathetic look before Ernst grabbed the bags from the floor and made his way to the bedroom on his own and started unpacking. When Hanschen finally met him in the bedroom he all but slammed the door behind him, fuming.

“What the hell Hanschen?” Ernst asked immediately looking at him

“Why can’t you be more like your brother Hanschen? What are you doing with your life Hanschen? Why aren’t you more successful Hanschen? What can you even do with a Classic Literature major Hanschen? Why aren’t you in a relationship with a woman Hanschen? Why? Why? Why?”

Ernst stared at the blonde, speechless.

“I could win a fucking Nobel prize for writing, and he still wouldn’t care, since I’m not Klaus! I’m not his lawyer son with a nuclear family!” Ernst walked over and put his hands on Hanschen's shoulders.

“Hansi…”

“I can’t do this!”

“Since when do you care what anyone thinks of you?”

Hanschen blinked at him. “I always care what people think of me, Ernst.”

“What about working the system? Skimming off the cream?”

“I can still do that while caring what people think of me.”

“Then maybe.. Focus on what literally anyone but him thinks of you. Your mother adores you, your sisters look up to you, and I- well I think you are everything.” Ernst pulled Hanschen down to put a kiss on his forehead.

“Thank you” Hanschen whispered.

“I love you.” Ernst said with a small smile before leaning in to kiss Hanschen. Hanschen kissed him back sweetly before whispering back against Ernst’s lips “I love you too.”

“So are we gonna go back out there or are we going to stay in this room forever?” Ernst asked.

Hanschen looked at Ernst with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I wouldn’t mind staying in here the whole trip.” He pulled Ernst towards the bed, flopping back a bit dramatically and pulling Ernst with him.

Ernst rolled his eyes, “You are awful,” he laughed, moving to lay on Hanschen's chest “But I guess it wouldn’t be the worst being locked in a room with you. You are kind of the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. And all mine.”

Hanschen smirked, “You are pretty good looking yourself.” He pushed some of Ernst’s hair behind his glasses, “Something about brunettes with glasses does it for me.”

“I guess my plans to go ginger need to wait till you die.”

“Ginger?!”

“Yeah why not?”

“Please don’t it would ruin me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t” Ernst leaned down to kiss him again.

“Thank you, gorgeous.” Hanschen chuckled, kissing him back.

~~~

On Friday Ernst was up before everyone else so he quietly made his way down to the kitchen and started to make coffee for everyone. It was maybe seven, so he knew everyone was going to start getting up soon; the girls getting ready for school and Hanschen's parents getting ready for work. Ernst was leaned up against the counter, waiting for his own water to boil when Hanschen’s younger sisters stumbled into the kitchen half asleep.

“Do I smell coffee?” Thea asked, noticing Ernst in the corner of the room “You are a godsend.”

Ernst gave her a small smile, “The pot should be just about done, so you two should be able to grab your travel mugs for school.”

“This is why we need to keep you.” Melitta said, following her twin in. She was in the process of braiding her blonde hair.

“Well I do plan to stay around.” Ernst laughed quietly, his own water finally boiling so he poured it into his mug alongside the teabag he had found.

“Good. I think I like you more than both of our brothers combined” Melitta hummed. “I don’t think either of them would have had the courtesy to start the coffee maker if they weren’t drinking it.”

Thea dug through the cabinets for their respective coffee cups, eventually pulling out a matching pair of green travel mugs with a gold ‘T’ and ‘M’ engraved on the sides respectively. She prepared their coffees, creamer in one and just sugar in the other.

“I didn’t exactly have anything better to do.” Ernst shrugged, watching the girls; Melitta had started to get their lunches out of the fridge.

“Still,” Thea said “You are far more considerate than either of them could ever be. I don’t think you’ve had the pleasure of meeting Klaus yet, but he should be coming over break at some point. It’s clear he was the favorite growing up.”

“I can’t wait.” Ernst said dryly, that got both girls looking at him.

“Didn’t know you were capable of sarcasm” Melitta chuckled, grabbing her coffee mug from Thea, exchanging it for Thea’s lunch.

“Surprise. Now you two need to get going before you miss the bus.”

“Shit-! You’re right!” Thea squeaked, before rushing right out the door, followed by her twin without so much as a goodbye from either of them.

It was hardly three minutes later when he heard the school bus’s heavy tires pass the house crunching on the night's fresh layer of snow as it passed and went searching in the pantry for honey for his tea.

He was nearly finished with his tea before Hanschen's mother made her way into the kitchen.

“Oh good morning Ernst Darling. Did you make coffee? Or was this left over from the girls?”

“I made it before the girls left, I think it’s still warm.” He hummed, he was sitting at the kitchen island huddled over his mug and his phone as if they’d warm him up despite having cooled down significantly.

“If not, I know perfectly well how to use a microwave” Adele smiled, and went to pour herself a mug, “You were right though, still warm. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes ma’am, and you?”

“Oh I slept fine.” She went to stand across from him at the island. “Give me your hands.”

He did so, setting his mug and phone down on the counter and reaching across so she could have his hands.

“You have the most dainty hands for a boy.”

“Thank you?”

“I had the most lovely dream last night dear and thought that you’d like it as well. You know how Hanschen’s older brother is engaged, well I saw him with a whole family, and I saw Thea with a nice boy, and Melitta well she was still just on her own, but Hanschen. He and you were married, isn’t that nice?”

Ernst’s cheeks were bright red, he was certain of it. “It’s certainly a nice dream.” He nodded, trying not to let his voice crack with embarrassment.

“Let me see something,” she hummed, letting go of his hands. Ernst went to take his hands back, but she glared at him playfully, so he left them there. She took off her wedding ring and her engagement ring and carefully tried the engagement ring on Ernst’s hand. To Ernst’s surprise, it was a perfect fit.

He just stared at it, the princess cut diamond surrounded by eight smaller diamonds and a simple band. Delicate and timeless it sat perfectly on his hand and Ernst was stunned speechless, unable to protest Adele’s actions or the smirk that had followed.

“It’s a perfect fit.” Adele finally said, breaking the silence as she sipped her coffee, and Ernst nodded.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Morning mom, morning baby” Hanschen yawned, walking into the room, stretching as he made his way towards the coffee pot.

“Morning Hansi-” Ernst said, paling a little as he moved to take the ring off.

“Good morning Darling.” Adele hummed, and before Ernst could get the ring off, set her hand on his trapping it. The eye contact they made was painful, for Ernst at least.

Hanschen had his back to them as Ernst mouthed ‘let me get the ring off’

She mouthed in return ‘let him see how pretty it is’

Ernst shook his head and tried to pull his hand away, but Adele’s hand stayed firm.

“How have your mornings been?”

“Fine” “Wonderful! I was just telling Ernst about the dream I had last night.” They said at the same time.

“Cool.”

“You know, I think I’m gonna go take a shower.” Ernst said standing up, finally managing to get his hand out from under Adeles. He got the ring off and set it next to her cup. “I’ll see you both in a bit?”

“Whatever you say sweetheart.” Adele said, a bit sour.

Hanschen turned around at this and looked at him, confused, “Yeah, alright..”

And with that Ernst hightailed it out of the kitchen, leaving his cup and phone on the counter.

~~~

For the rest of the day Ernst had pretty much avoided Hanschen's family, well that was except for Hanschen of course. They spent the majority of the day in their bedroom curled against one another with Ernst napping or playing on his phone and Hanschen reading. It wasn’t until dinnertime that Thea knocked on the door that either of them really said anything.

“We should probably go down for dinner” The blonde hummed, a hand carding through the brunette's hair.<

“Probably, and soon if we don’t want a search party,” the brunette hummed in response, turning off his phone and reaching towards the bedside table for his glasses.

“What happened this morning between you and my mother?” Hanschen asked, marking his page with a bookmark, it was a strip of photos from a photobooth of the two of them from maybe a year ago.

Ernst tensed, “She was just doing her mom thing. You know.” He said vaguely.

“Do I?”

“Yeah, you know. Overbearing mom comments. The usual stuff.” Ernst got up and offered him a smile, “Come on, let’s just go down for dinner.”

“Alright then.” Hanschen sighed and got up off the bed. The two made their way downstairs and took their seats at the dinner table as usual, Hanschen next to his father and Ernst between himself and Melitta, Thea and their mother sat across from them.

Dinner was largely uneventful until Adele started to bring up Klaus and his engagement.

“I was on the phone with him earlier today and he was just saying that he thinks the wedding is probably going to be in June or something like that.”

“Of next year? That seems awfully quick?” Melitta pointed out.

“They like the idea of a summer wedding.”

“Are we sure he didn’t knock her up?” Hanschen asked.

“Hanschen!” Nearly everyone reprimanded in unison.

“What? We were all thinking it!”

“I mean yeah, but you didn’t have to say it!” Thea pointed out.

“To my knowledge, Anya is not pregnant.” Adele said definitively.

“I’ll trust it when I meet her, and she does a shot in front of me.” Hanschen mumbled, to which Ernst kicked him under the table.

“Well, on the topic of marriage. What’s the timeline looking like for making Ernst here my son-in-law?” Adele asked.

When she asked for three things that happened simultaneously, Ernst just about choked on his water whilst turning the color of a cherry tomato, Hanschen's father, Peter, dropped his utensils with a grunt, and all the color drained from Hanschen’s own face. The twins watched the scene with interest, not commenting, just observing.

“So?” Adele prodded “You’ve been together nearly three years! Your brother hasn’t even been with this girl for one and he’s already getting married.”

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Hanschen asked, tone uncharacteristically quiet.

Adele looked between Ernst and Hanschen as if she were trying to read what was between them, but only nodded, a puzzled look on her face.

The rest of dinner passed without a word, and when it came time to clean up Ernst went to help as he always did but Adele turned him away instead of favoring her husband's help. He walked slowly, pausing in the hallway just far enough where he could make out their conversation as they cleaned but not be noticed.

“Can you tell me what that was about Peter? And don’t tell me you have nothing to do with it.”

“I gave Hans an ultimatum.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m done with his failure to be a productive member of our society, so I told him that either he needed to get his shit together or he was getting cut off.”

“And what exactly does getting his shit together look like to you, because to me I very much so see a put together young man already.”

“For starters he needs to stop fooling around with boys.” Ernst’s heart sank, “And second figure out a real job.”

“Peter, Ernst has been the best thing to happen to Hanschen pretty much ever! You act like Hanschen has just been going from boy to boy over the past years!”

“This was only ever meant to be a temporary thing for him. He can’t even have a family with this.. boy. “

“This boy is practically a son to me!”

“To you.”

“Because you don’t give anyone the time of day. You’re too busy holed up in your office trying to play God.”

Ernst couldn’t listen to them anymore, so he walked back to the bedroom where Hanschen was waiting as if nothing had happened at dinner. As if nothing was going on whatsoever.

“So when were you going to tell me?” Ernst asked, closing the door behind him.

“Tell you what?” Hanschen asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That you are planning on leaving me, so that your dad doesn’t cut you off. Because daddy’s money is more important than us right?”

“Ernst-”

“When?”

Hanschen wasn’t looking at him anymore.

“Hanschen, when were you going to do it?”

“He gave me until we got back to campus…”

“You weren’t even going to try were you? To see if there was a way out?”

“I-”

“You were just going to let me go through all of break acting like everything was normal and then break up with me the second we got back” Ernst's voice cracked.

“I’m sorry.” Hanschen whispered, he didn’t even bother to deny it.

“You wanted to know what happened between me and your mom this morning? She was having me try on her engagement ring, and I didn’t want you to see it since we hadn’t talked about marriage much.” Ernst walked over to the closet and started pulling his clothes out methodically.

“What are you doing?”

“Making it so you don’t have to sit with this until we go back to campus.” He packed up what he had brought and left out a wrapped present. “Merry fucking Christmas Hanschen.”

It wasn’t until he was in the hotel room that he ended up getting that he let himself cry, and he didn’t stop crying for a very long time.

Well, there's wishbones and clovers and numbers from Heaven
Shapes in the stars to invent our connection
As much as I act like I want to forget it
I still wish for you at eleven-eleven
I still wish for you

By February, Ilse had stopped screaming when she just found Ernst on her bedroom floor uninvited. Why he hadn’t bothered to at least text her or choose any other more visible room in the house, she had no clue. It was valentines day, a cool two months since Ernst and Hanschen's breakup and Ilse couldn’t say that Ernst was any closer to healing.

“Ernst, you are a tripping hazard.” Ilse said, stepping over where Ernst was lying face down in her plush green carpet.

Ernst merely grunted.

“Keep your head down, I’m changing.” she said, reaching through the beaded curtains of her closet for a flowy green dress. She changed quickly before kicking Ernst’s leg gently, “How do I look? Moritz and I are going out, you’re free to stay but I need your opinion on the dress.”

Ernst rolled over and looked at her, his eyes were red and still puffy. “You look nice” He croaked.

“You look rough.” Ilse said in return.

He sat up, “Do you have ice cream?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“If I don’t have any left, you can steal any of my roommates and I will buy them some new ice cream. You definitely need it more.”

Ernst just looked up at her from where he sat on the floor, “So you’re going out with Moritz?”

“Yeah he got us a reservation at some fancy place downtown,” Ilse hummed, stepping past him towards her vanity. “Could you help me with my hair? You are way better at baby braids than I am.”

“Sure.” Ernst mumbled standing up, grabbing his glasses from the floor, “Let me guess, two little braids into a half-up half-down?” His voice was dull.

“You guessed it. Do you want me to bring you anything back from the restaurant in a to-go order?”

“Not unless you can order me a boyfriend.”

“I’m not sure they sell those anymore.”

“Then no.” He sighed, pulling a hair tie open with his teeth.

“Moritz said He asked about you today.”

“If he actually cared he wouldn’t have let me leave the house.”

“Ernst, the way you talked about it, he had to choose between you and his family.”

“And? Three years down the drain, it wasn’t me versus his family, it was me and his family versus his dad and an empty threat against his image!” He was almost rage braiding his friends' hair, eyebrows knit together and shoulders tense, "It's been two whole months, and I’ve been a mess, but he’s been off living his best life as a senior in college, he didn’t even ask about me did he?”

“I don’t know if he did or not.”

“Ilse, I want him to have asked for me, I really do” he finished her hair and made eye contact with her in the mirror “But he made his decision when he let me walk through those doors, so I’m going to raid through your freezer for some ice cream and I’m going to be watching The Good Place in your bed until you get home tonight.”

Ilse sighed “You do that, my man is almost here anyways.”

Ernst nodded and walked off to the kitchen, leaving Ilse to wonder what the hell she was going to do with her heartbroken best friend.

Heard you're seeing some girl in New York
So, what am I reading horoscopes for?
You're still wearing those fucked-up white Nikes
So, maybe you're superstitious like me

It was mid-September and Ernst had officially moved into the girls home, so him just showing up in Ilse’s room wasn’t exactly unexpected. Well it hadn’t been at the beginning of the year but now Ernst had a reason to be there.

“Oh Ilse! I have a game for you!” Ernst called, knocking on her doorframe.

“I’m scared” she said, looking up at him from where she was laying in her bed just scrolling on her phone.

“Don’t worry, I’ve already made Martha and Anna play so it’s nothing that bad. They both lost by the way.” He had an almost suspicious bounce in his step as he walked over to her bed and sat down next to her.

“What kind of game?”

“It’s simple, all you have to do is tell me which picture is a real person, and which one is an ai generated picture of me as a girl.”

“Where on earth did you come up with this game from?” Ilse asked, turning to face Ernst.

“I found this girl on Facebook, and I’ll explain more after you play,” he said with a mischievous grin.

“Fine, show me the pictures.” She said, unamused. Ernst smirked and opened his phone to display the two pictures for her.

The two pictures showed nearly identical brown-haired girls with glasses, of slightly different styles but glasses none the less. The girls wore different outfits, the one on the left wore a white off the shoulder sweater, a beige plaid skirt that fell just above her knees, black tights, white pumps and a headband that matched her skirt. The other girl wore a short blue dress that had simple bows for straps, underneath the dress was a long sleeve cream shirt with horizontal blue stripes that matched the dress; the girl also wore knee high heeled black boots .

Ilse stared at the two for a long minute, “They both have the right number of fingers, you must have paid good money for this.”

“I’m not disclosing that information.”

“Ok well, I’m going to go with the one on the left one is you as a girl and the other one is your mystery Facebook girl?”<

“And that is an O for 3! The girl on the right is the one I paid for and the one on the left is the reason we are going out tonight!”

“Ok, explain.”

“Well for starters her name is Chana Schwartz, she's twenty and goes to Columbia as a Pre-med and psych student.”

“I fear you know too much about her.”

“Maybe, maybe not, I only know what I found on her Facebook and Instagram.” Ernst stood up and walked around to Ilse’s vanity, fixing his hair.

“And why do you have her Facebook and Instagram?”

“Because she’s Hanschen’s new girlfriend, and he finally changed his Facebook status to dating her. So I was able to find her rather quickly.” He said almost nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t spent a solid hour screaming into a pillow when he saw the Facebook notification that his Ex’s relationship status changed, or that he hadn’t spent at least four hours going through his ex’s new girlfriend's very public social media.

“I’m sorry what?” Ilse made eye contact with him through the mirror.

“The girl you were comparing my ai image to is Hanschen’s new girlfriend, who’s pretty much the Peter Rilow approved version of me. Aka the rich girl version of me.”

“That’s just fucked up.”

“You should watch her Instagram reels, at least he looks a little miserable with his life constantly on display for the entire world to see. He may have only changed his Facebook status today, but they’ve been together since July when he moved to New York.”

“I think your phone privileges need to be limited.”

“But that’s no fun” He whined turning to look at her

“Ernst Robel, this boy fucked you up royally. You said something about going out?”

He sighed, “Yeah, but I can’t get nearly as wasted as I’d like because I promised Wendla I’d pick up an extra shift at the cafe tomorrow morning”

“I’ll keep an eye on you, it’s already 7 so if we leave now we can be back before midnight.”

“You sound like someone married with kids.”

“Well I’ve almost got the married part covered!”

“Don’t remind me but ask your fiancé if he wants to come with us, he’s the only tolerable man I know right now.”

“Yes sir. Now get changed unless you want to go out in your pajamas.”

“Yes mom,” Ernst said, rolling his eyes as he left her room.

~~~

«The video starts as the brown haired girl is still setting up her phone in front of her on what can only be assumed to be a tripod. Her dark curly hair is pulled into a ponytail, and she wears a pair of thin, round, black glasses. She’s wearing an oversized cream sweater with a brown belt, skinny jeans and knee high brown boots. She gestures for someone to come towards her, and a taller blonde man comes into frame, he's wearing a simple button up and jeans. The two of them seemed to be in some sort of public park.»

«”Hans! Come on, you were just being cute!” The brunette insists, taking the blonde's hand. The blonde seems uncomfortable, whether by the comment, the camera, or the action it is unclear»

«”Chana, the guy isn’t even playing music anymore-” The blonde says quietly, it’s almost not picked up by the camera with the surrounding noise of the city.»

«”Then let's dance to the sounds of the city!” The brunette says, a touch of impatience in her voice, “Find our own music?” She attempted to spin herself using his arm.»

«The blonde glanced towards the camera before saying something which was not picked up by the camera, after which he seemed to cave and dance with her.»

«The video cut out»

~~~

Ernst spent that fall painting when he wasn’t working at the cafe. In addition to being a great way for him to express his emotions, it was a source of income that he couldn’t really complain about.

Ilse had started taking his phone away when she heard him doomscrolling through Chana’s Instagram, which to her credit was probably for the best. The whole situation was like a trainwreck to him though, he couldn’t bring himself to look away no matter how much it hurt him.

Cause I'll wait for nothing
Pretending we're something
My mind lies for you and I
Oh, for you and I

Ernst had been working at the Purple Summer Cafe for at least a year and a half now, if you asked him where the name came from he couldn’t tell you but he could tell you that nearly half of the drinks on the menu contained lavender to some degree so that probably had something to do with it. He had an agreement with the owner to let him sell some of his art there instead of exclusively in his online shop so this morning he was hanging up a new piece where one sold the night before had been.

The job at the cafe was only supposed to be temporary until he got into grad school, but the admission cycle had come and gone, and Ernst was still here with a double bachelors in Psychology and Studio Art, and less and less drive to actually apply for grad school. When he started university he hadn’t even been a double major, he wasn’t either of these majors actually.

Freshman orientation he had walked in as a conservative, closeted, Theology major from the Midwest. It had taken him three weeks for an art student, Jayme, to invite him to one of Ilse’s parties (before they had officially met). Kissing Jayme that night was exactly what Ernst had needed to drop everything his parents had told him before he left for college, and by the next week he’d changed his major to Psychology and Studio Art and hung a pride flag above his bed. He and Jayme obviously never lasted, but that was fine with Ernst because by March he’d have Hanschen.

But now Hanschen was gone, and Ernst was left with his art.

Straightening the painting Ernst turned to go back behind the counter and finish setting up for the morning when Wendla came rushing in.

“Ernst! I’m so sorry I’m late for opening but I’ve got news!”

“It’s fine, you got here before I unlocked the door, so you aren’t too late. What’s the news?”

Wendla grabbed Ernst and turned him to face her before shoving her hand in his face, where a very elaborate new ring sat on her finger. “I’m Engaged!” She squealed excitedly.

Ernst forced a smile, “Congrats.”

“Ernst, you could at least try a little harder to be excited for me.”

“I am excited for you.” He said, entirely unenthusiastically.

She rolled her eyes. “Thanks,” she said, matching his energy.

Ernst went to unlock the front door and turn the sign on the front window, “Sorry I’m just.. Sour. If it makes you feel any better I reacted the same way to Ilse’s engagement and I both knew about it ahead of time and she’s my best friend.”

“So what are you the bitter single friend of all our friend groups now?” Wendla asked, fixing her apron and tying her hair back.

“I guess so. And we all thought I’d be the first one with a ring on my finger,” he sighed “I even tried it on…” he leaned on the counter as they waited for their first customers to trickle in.

“I guess we need to find you a new man, you know Melchi might have some friends from work who are bi-”

“I don’t need another one of Melchior's bisexual friends.” Ernst said, giving her a side eye sharp enough to cut glass.

“Oookay, got it. Now liven up, before Miss Cota starts asking you what’s wrong again, then we won’t be able to get rid of her” Wendla said, spotting one of their regulars walking towards the door.

Ernst straightened and plastered a fake smile on his face, too bright for six in the morning, and just like that their day began; selling coffees, teas, pastries, and even one of Ernst’s paintings until 5pm.

Walking back to the house after his shift, Ernst found himself scrolling through Instagram again, trapped in the cycle of watching his ex’s life with another, seemingly better, version of himself. What was he still watching for anyways? All they did was hurt him. But they were all he had left of the blonde he had once thought was his forever, and maybe somewhere in these videos he’d find a way in. But that was never going to happen and everyone, even Ernst, knew it.

~~~

«The video starts with a dark haired girl with glasses sitting at a desk in what looks to be a bedroom. There are several books, notebooks, and writing implements scattered about the desk in front of her. The room is dim, the only light source likely a lamp on the desk just offscreen.»

«”Hans?” The girl calls, looking off screen.»

«”Yes, Chana?” A blonde man enters the frame and hugs her from behind, resting his chin on her head. It's clear he’s unaware the camera is on»

«”Guess what I just did?” The girl, Chana, asks.»

«”What did you just do?” The blonde smiles and kisses the top of her head.»

«”I just finished my last paper of the semester! So I’m officially halfway through Junior year!”»

«”That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” The blonde pulled the girl out of her chair and picked her up, spinning her as he kissed her.»

«”I love you” Chana said, and whatever Hans said back was inaudible to the camera.»

«The video ends»

There's wishbones and clovers and numbers from Heaven
Shapes in the stars to invent our connection
As much as I act like I want to forget it
I still wish for you at eleven-eleven
I still wish for you
I still wish for you

Ernst was finally doing ok, it only took him a year or so, but he had gotten there. Sure he looked at his ex’s girlfriends post’s from time to time but that was part of the healing process, or at least that’s what he told himself.

If he had been with anyone but Ilse when he saw the video, it probably would have gone a lot differently.

It was a February evening and the two were in Ernst’s room half trying to make a Pinterest board of ideas for Ilse’s wedding half trying to figure out where Ernst was going to apply for grad school, overall a very productive evening. They had taken a break for a few minutes, and Ernst had been scrolling through Instagram when he saw a new video from @chanadaze so of course he had to open it, the volume on full.

«The video opened to the dark haired girl with glasses in the same bedroom from an earlier video, but at a different angle. This video was more of a vlog style than her captured moments series.»

«”Hey guys! It’s Chana!” She laid on her bed, on her stomach propping her phone against the pillows “I’ve got some exciting news to share! So me and Hanschen officially know where we are going for my spring break! I’m so so so so excited for spring break now because Hans has some college friends who are going to be getting married later this year, and I’ve never met ANY of his college friends, so we decided why not take a trip to see where he went to college! Seeing as most of his friends still live in the area.” The girl was like a ball of energy as she spoke, “And then since I have an extra few days, and he doesn’t think we’ll need to spend a whole 2 weeks there. I know two weeks is crazy for my spring break guys! Hans wants to maybe go up to see his parents, who live in the fucking Hamptons?! Like Hello?! Yes I want to go to the Hamptons and meet all your friends! So I’m absolutely ecstatic for the break to come, and don’t worry I will share every last detail with you all! Love you guys!”»

«The video ended»

Ilse looked to Ernst, who looked back at her. Ilse was the one to break the silence “Well, shit.”

“I’m going to be a hermit for two weeks, will you look up when Columbia goes on break?”

“You will not be a hermit! You have work!”

“Fuck!”

“Sorry to break it to you, but unfortunately you didn’t leave this place.”

“Right now I really wish I did.”

Wishbones, clovers, salt spilling over
Why don't you come back? That shit's over my shoulder
There's black cats, broke glass, cracks on the pavement
But I just can't accept that it's too late to save us

Ernst could have been subtle about the fact he knew his ex was coming to town, but startling Wendla tended to be a lot more fun. The cafe had been really slow, and Wendla was in the process of shoving a danish in her mouth when Ernst popped the question.

“So when is Hanschen coming to stay with you and Melchior? Or is he getting a hotel?”

Wendla just about choked on the danish, turning to look at him. “What?”

“When’s my ex coming to town?” Ernst asked, he was busy cleaning the espresso machine, so he wasn’t even looking at her; though he was certain her face was priceless.

“How the fuck-?”

“I have my ways. Just give me the dates please, Wendla.”

“Mid-March, for a week I think” she said, a bit skeptically.

Ernst climbed onto a stepstool to finish wiping down the machine, “If you have the exact dates, will you just mark me in the schedule as a request off?”

“Where are you going?”

“To hide in my house for the time he’s here?”

“You do realize if you aren’t working you’re more likely to just run into him in public when you do leave the house, since I know Ilse won’t let you be a hermit.”

“Shit you’re right… Maybe just keep him and his girlfriend away from the cafe when I’m scheduled then?”

“I can do that!”

“You are lovely Wendla” Ernst said, finally getting off the stool to look at her.

“I do my best.” She said with a smile.

~~~

Mid-March came faster than Ernst would have liked, but with work and his applications he nearly forgot about his Ex. Sure he found it a little odd when Wendla had a few days off in a row, but the girl was wedding planning so he wasn’t going to worry about it, that was until the bell rang above the door on Thursday morning. Ernst was refilling the pastry case, and his coworker Ariel was on her fifteen, so he was on his own.

“Welcome to Purple Summer, I’ll be with you in just a second” he called.

“Get In” A girl said, a bit forcefully. Ernst could have sworn he recognized the voice from somewhere.

“I’m going-” That voice was a guy and Ernst definitely recognized that one. Ernst stood up, finally visible from behind the pastry case and made eye contact with Hanschen Rilow who was standing at the door.

“Hi!” The girl, who Ernst now recognized as Chana, said far too cheerfully, she had her phone out and was clearly filming the whole place. Both Ernst and Hanschen were rigid. “This place is soo cute!”

“Baby,” Hanschen tried quietly, “could we go somewhere else?” He never broke eye contact with Ernst.

Chana pressed something on her phone and placed it in her pocket, “Hans, I said I wanted to get coffee here. And you just ruined my shot.” She got on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, almost like they were going to kiss. “So shut up and buy me my coffee.” Her tone was never anything but sickeningly sweet, and after she finished talking she placed a small kiss on his lips before pulling away.

If Ernst hadn’t watched the whole thing, he wouldn’t say he’d ever believe it. This girl was a toxic piece of shit behind the camera, and Hanschen was letting her get away with it. For now he’d hold his tongue, but he’d have to say something, maybe he’d text Wendla later and ask if they were like this in front of her Melchior too.

After they had their moment and Chana got her new video they finally walked up to the counter.

“Welcome to Purple Summer Cafe, what can I get you?” Ernst asked, and this time Hanschen wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“What would you recommend?” Chana asked.

“Any of our lavender drinks are pretty good, so depending on what style of coffee you like I’d be happy to make a lavender version?”

“Can I get an Iced lavender latte then?”

“Of course.”

“Oh and do you have oat milk?”

“We do.”

“I’ll do that then, Hans what do you want?”

Hanschen paused, almost buffering for a moment.

“Do you take your coffee the same as before?” Ernst asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Hanschen said looking at him, curious.

“Hans you should get a lavender drink!” Chana insisted.

“I can add lavender syrup to it.”

“That's fine.” Hanschen said.

“Your total is on the screen,” Ernst said, writing their orders on the cups. Hanschen swiped his card to pay. “Do you need a receipt?”

“No thanks.”

“They’ll be out in a few minutes” he said, going to make the drinks.

“How does he know your coffee order?” Chana asked, stepping away from the counter towards a table.

“I know him” he said vaguely

“What is your order anyway?”

He stared at her blankly. Even Ernst looked over. “You don’t know my coffee order?”

“No, why would I?”

“We’ve been dating for nine months, we live together, I know everything about your coffee order. Like how you usually get vanilla iced lattes, but if you are pulling an all nighter you get them hot, and for about one week every month when you go on your health kick you switch to matcha lattes. You only ever drink oat milk, not because you need too but because it’s more expensive, so you think that makes it better for you.”

“Well you always pay, so why would I need to know?”

“My order is simple Chana, you can make it at home. Dark roast, one cream, two sugars.” he said exasperated, Ernst had whispered the order under his breath as Hanschen said it.

“Well now I know,” Chana said, just sounding annoyed. Ernst finished up their drinks and set them on the counter.

“Your drinks are done.” He interrupted. Hanschen turned to him, and there was something in his eyes that Ernst couldn’t quite place.

“Thank you.” He said with a smile, and he took the drinks. “Chana I think you’ll probably get better pictures of these outside for insta.”

“Oh good idea!” And with that they were out the door, and Ernst was left wondering what the hell just happened, and where the hell his coworker was.

There's wishbones and clovers and numbers from Heaven
And if you'd ask me, I'd deny that we ended
As much as I know that it's time to forget it

Ernst was pulling his work shirt on as he walked into the kitchen where Ilse was making breakfast.

“Woah that was way more skin than I needed to see from you this early in the morning!” Ilse joked.

“Shut up and move over I just want some toast before I head to the cafe, I can’t keep buying pastries from work or I’m gonna go broke-”

“Have at it, I’m almost done as is.” Ilse said, plating her food.

“Thanks girly. Do you know what today is?”

“What?”

“The day Hanschen is officially gone, and you know what, I’m going to unfollow his girlfriend.”

“This is major progress!”

“I just.. I wish I would have said something when I saw him. The way she was treating him just seemed off to me.”

“Maybe it was an off day?”

“Maybe, but I don’t know. I wish I would have said something, or asked Wendla about it, or literally anything that would have drawn attention to how she was treating him. She was so forceful, and she didn’t even know his coffee order.”

“Why does the coffee order matter?”

“It's not like it's a hard order, it's a dark roast, one cream, two sugars.”

“Yep you are totally over him.”

“Shut up. Our first official date was at a coffee shop, so it's burned into my brain.”

“Why do you have to clarify official?”

“Because the first night we met we basically went on a date to go stargazing, after one of your parties.”/p>

“Let me guess the coffee was the next morning?”

“Yep!”

Ilse just sighed and Ernst’s toast popped up. He grabbed it and definitely burnt his fingers a bit.

“Well I have to go, I’ll see you later!” Ernst said, tossing the toast between his hands.

Ilse just laughed a bit, “I’ll see you later.”

~~~

Ernst walked into work which was already busy and tied his apron behind him, “Hey Wendla.”

“Hey Ernst! Can you hop on the register?” she called as she worked on making drinks for waiting customers.

“Yep!” And they worked like that until it slowed down around an hour and a half later. “So it was busy before I showed up?”

“You have no idea!” Wendla said, wiping down the counter.

“I don’t know why Carter doesn’t just schedule two openers every day.”

“It’s because he doesn’t want two closers.”

“Ahhh, that checks out. So Hanschen and his girlfriend left last night?”

Wendla suspiciously made no noise and just kept wiping down the counter.

“Wendla, you told me they were leaving yesterday?”

“Welll…..”

“Well what?”

“Things kind of got messy last night?”

“And?”

“She left yesterday.” Wendla said, looking at him finally.

Ernst blinked at her, not quite getting it.

“They broke up. She left, and he’s still at my house.”

“They broke up?” Ernst asked, not quite believing what he heard.

“Yeah, that's what I said.”

“Why?”

“I mean they were like a fucking grenade the entire time they were here, just waiting to go off. He never had a say, and she didn’t know a single thing about him. He was essentially just a pretty face to put on her Instagram.”

“Shit..” he said quietly “How is he?”

She shrugged, “He was still sleeping when I left to come here this morning.”

“I hope he’s alright. Is he staying with you guys long?”

“I have no idea, I mean he’s got another week off work, and his job is remote, but all of his stuff is in her apartment. Well the apartment they lived in that’s paid for by her dad.”

“So he could be with you a week, or a month, or longer.”

“Exactly, precisely what we need when we’re planning a wedding.”

“Lucky you!” Ernst laughed a bit sarcastically.

“At least he’s a decent house guest. I had to stop him from doing my dishes last night after Chana stormed out. I swore he was going to break them with how violently he was scrubbing my plates.”

“Yeah he’s a little bit of a violent cleaner when he’s upset. The number of times I had come back to my dorm after class when I had left him in there and it was fucking spotless was crazy. Usually it would be when he was on the phone with his dad.”

Wendla was looking at him, a soft look in her eyes. He looked back at her a bit quizzically and they stayed in the quiet for a moment before the doorbell chimed.

Ernst turned to greet the customer and saw Hanschen standing at the door, his eyes were red and a bit puffy, but he looked more at ease than the last time Ernst had seen him.

“Hey” Hanschen said, walking towards the counter. Ernst grabbed a cup and started writing down Hanschen’s coffee.

“Hey,” he said quietly, “Wendla told me what happened.” He was looking down at the cup and the register, going to put in the coffee as ‘on the house.’ He didn’t notice that Wendla had left him alone with Hanschen by going in the back.

Hanschen put his hand over the cup, pushing it to the counter. Ernst looked up at him.

“I couldn’t be with someone like her anymore,” Hanschen said, his voice gravely and pained from crying. “I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t know my coffee order.”

“You can’t tell me you broke up with a girl because she didn’t know how you like your coffee,” Ernst said quietly.

“I broke up with her because you still did.” He whispered.

“Hanschen-”

“Please, one night, we can go stargazing?” His voice cracked, eyes watering a little.

Ernst stared at him for a moment. “You’re the one who let me go.”

“It was a mistake. I- I was too proud, and I just wanted my father to stop treating me like I was less than my brother for being with someone I love but newsflash, he found new ways to keep treating me like less than my brother! So all I did was lose you, which was the biggest fucking mistake of my life.”

“It’s been over a year… Hanschen I can’t just go back as if nothing happened.”

“I’m not asking for you to take me back like nothing happened, I’m just asking for another chance to make things right.”

“I’ve spent so long wishing for you to come back to me, and now that you have… I don’t know.”

Hanschen nodded, “I understand.”

“Just let me think about it ok?”

“Take as long as you need.” Hanschen nodded.

Ernst nodded back and went to make Hanschen his coffee.

~~~

“I’m sorry HE DID WHAT?” Ilse yelled loud enough for Martha to poke her head out of her room.

“Hanschen came to the cafe and asked me out, after breaking up with Chana last night.”

“You said no right?”

"I said I’d think about it”

“You better tell him no.”

“I’m going to think about it Ilse, because I don’t know.”

I still wish for you at eleven-eleven
I still wish for you at eleven-elevenbr /> I still wish for you (for you)

Despite being engaged for less time, Wendla and Melchior ended up planning their wedding before Moritz and Ilse’s wedding. Wendla and Melchior’s wedding was at the beginning of June, which Ernst would later find out that the rush came from Wendla’s pregnancy that she found out about not long before the engagement, and Moritz and Ilse would be married at the end of August.

By the Gabor wedding, Ernst still hadn’t given Hanschen an answer and Hanschen had officially moved into an apartment within their town. Hanschen would come into Purple Summer every once in a while and Ernst would always give him a free coffee but beyond that they hadn’t really spoken.

It was the reception, and Ernst had grabbed himself a vodka cranberry and leaned up against the wall of the barn the wedding was held in like the wallflower he was. He was about halfway through his drink when he saw Hanschen across the room practically doing the same thing with his drink of choice, so finishing off his drink quickly he set the glass on the closest table and made his way across the room.

“You seem thrilled to be here.” Ernst said, an echo of their first words exchanged.

“It's Gabor's wedding, what do you expect from me?”

“You want to get out of here? I doubt anyone will notice.”

Hanschen stared at him for a moment, before smiling softly “I think there are some stars out tonight.”

“Sounds perfect.” With that Ernst offered Hanschen his hand and they made their way out of the barn and just started walking nowhere in particular.

Hanschen would playfully swerve their walking every once in a while, getting a laugh out of Ernst when he did so.

“You were right, there are some stars out.” Ernst finally said, breaking the silence and looking up.

“Our friends are good at picking nights for parties that are perfect to go stargazing on.” Hanschen said, leading Ernst into the grass and laying down.

“They sure are.” Ernst nodded, lying down next to him and scooting in to lay against his shoulder.

They lay in a comfortable silence until Hanschen broke it. “So you’re giving me another chance?”

“I guess so”

“I’ll take what I can get, and I won’t waste a second of it.”

Ernst moved to look up at him, “I still love you” he whispered.

“I still love you too,” Hanschen whispered back.

Ernst laid his head against Hanschen's chest and fell asleep to the sound of Hanschen’s heart while shooting stars glittered above their heads.

Hanschen wasn’t going to mess this chance up. No, not for the world. Watching the stars, he just held Ernst closer.