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Sunny July day in Vörå, the sun, as bright as a child’s laughter, shone through the feathered clouds, lighting up the whole village. This was perfect time for kids to take a rest from school — no more responsibilities, only walks through the endless green fields. This time of the year wild berries tasted sweeter than cotton candy, walks lasted till the very evening until parents invite to eat fresh summer fruits picked in the yard.
“You dummy! You got all dirty! No way my mom would let you in like this.” the little boy, who was just a bit over a meter tall, said with a clear disappointment, grumbling like an old man. On a hot summer day, he and his only friend went out to play football near his house. As soon as the sun appeared from behind the horizon, Jakob was almost standing on the doorstep, holding a brand-new ball in his hands, excited for the new day. And now, with his hair disheveled and his jeans scuffed from a hard fall, he stood there smiling foolishly, as if his bruises and all the things adults scolded him for amused him.
“You just can’t play football, that’s why I fall down!” Jakob laughed aloud, teasing his friend.
“No! You don't even look after yourself and your face is all covered in dirt. Come over here!” Axel pulled a white handkerchief out of his pocket and reached to the other’s face.
“Ow-ow! You don’t need to-”
“Nope, I need! After work in the garden, me and my siblings have to wash our hands and faces. Until we do, my mother says she won't let us at the table.” he wiped his dirty face, running his whole palm over his chubby cheeks. A tiniest smile appeared on Axel's face — it was funny to see them stretch from his pull, and to see Jakob squinting his eyes as he twisted his face. He reached lower and shook the dirt off his jeans with sharp movements. Now his outfit really did look neater. He understood — today his mom wouldn't be upset, and that couldn't help but make him happy.
The water surface of the small lake glistened in the sun, as if a shoal of fry were swimming on its surface. Not like he never went fishing or paddling there — it was a place Axel will forever keep in his heart because his father often took him and his brothers there in the early mornings. Sometimes he would play fetch here, pluck particularly long reeds, imagining that it was his weapon, and when they went out in the boat to fish he would splash the water with his hand, trying to stroke the fish with his bare hands. But a real man has to know how to row and how to catch fish for dinner. He kept this in mind like a mantra and over time began to enjoy these forays into nature. Wide fields and quiet pine forests, interrupted only by the trill of birds and the sound of a combine harvester passing along the country road — familiar landscapes that he really enjoyed, especially on such a beautiful summer day.
“Why do you help me?” Jakob wondered, dangling his feet by the shoreline waters. To sit on the grass, talk near the lake, shaded by tall reeds, dirty sneakers and lots of hopes for the future, and what else do one need to be happy?
“Because you almost got your pants wet in the water and then it’ll take a long time to get dry.” Axel replied, picking up a rock from under his arm and throwing it as far into the water as possible.
“You’re so stupid. I thought you loved me.”Jakob said frustrated. He pouted his cheeks, bent his legs to his knees, and looked where a splash of water had appeared.
“Yeah, I love you.”
“Can’t see that! You only tell me what to do. My parents say that they love each other when they kiss, and yours?”
“Huh? Well, yeah as well. I saw that on TV.”
“I love you too. Can I kiss you?” Jakob’s eyes sparkled up from this question, his lips stretched in a wide smile. He jumped to his feet, slightly kneading the underneath him.
“Umm… Why?” Axel tensed up from his sudden move. It seemed that any moment now his friend’s smile would turn into unstoppable laughter.
“All the adults do it when they show love! Even my mom kisses my forehead before sleep. Then why can’t we do it?” his voice was shaking with excitement and overwhelming joy. He took a step towards his friend and took his hand in his own, pressing it to his chest.
Axel stood a moment in awe. He wanted to move away, but his curiosity was above his common sense. If all people kiss and call it love, then what do they have? If he, in his own way, loved his annoying but so dear best friend, too.
“I... I don’t know? I guess we could kiss. Yeah... like all other people!” Jakob's eyes shone in the sun like two azure stones and he bursted out laughing.
He wanted to repeat everything he'd seen through his life, but he certainly didn't want to hold back. His palm gripped the back of Axel’s head and pulled him forward in a sudden move. Jakob pressed his lips against his nose so hard that it made him feel a little uncomfortable. He kissed him as much as he was allowed to, on his broad forehead, on his cheeks, again and again, and then on his nose, squeezing his eyes shut with ineffable happiness. He paused at his lips for a couple seconds, his gaze seemed to become more compassionate, uncertain, just like Axel’s, who was looking at him in anticipation through the thick lenses of his glasses. Their lips touched in a harsh absurd kiss. Jakob hugged him so tightly that he flinched for a second, but he couldn't feel happier. He had finally found his way of expressing his love.
“Ew! Now I’m covered in your saliva!” Axel grabbed Jakob’s face and pulled him away, who smiling proudly at his ‘taunt’. Glancing at the soft ground, he wiped his face with the back of his hand and rubbed his eyes.
“No-o, Axe-el! I saw you liked it! Liked it!” he spelled out the words in syllables, getting on his nerves. His face looked so red, that seemed like his glasses would fall off. For some reason the mere thought of it seemed hilarious to Jakob.
“I didn’t! Or… Yes! You just don’t know how to kiss. My mom does it gentler!”
“Yeah? And do you know?”
“I’ll show you that later.”
Axel didn’t lie. Later, he really showed him how to do it. Away from other people’s eyes, the children pretended to be adults, taking their first steps in learning about human relationships. They found their own way of expressing their feelings and couldn’t help but share kisses in their free time.
When Axel brought him his favorite apple juice and Jakob, overjoyed, kissed him on the lips in gratitude.
When Jakob made such a cheeky, satisfied face that he wanted to kiss his chubby cheeks.
When they were bored and Jakob would stare at his friend until he gave him attention. A vibrant ‘I love you, Axel!’ and he’d get some kisses on his nose or lips while he grinned like a fool.
But the happiness couldn't last forever. Everything changed one day when Axel was at Jakob's house. That day, his mother set the table and brought snacks of all kinds, from chocolates to salty snacks. As soon as Jakob handed him a glass of water at Axel's request, he put his face up for a kiss in a habit, which he quickly received.
His mother gasped in astonishment, and an immense anxiety settled in little Jakob’s eyes. He watched his mother lead them away from the table and then explain what the kiss really meant.
“So that means I can’t kiss you anymore…” his voice sounded lifeless, light in his eyes faded away. A sweaty child’s palm clung to the edge of his T-shirt. He didn’t know. He couldn’t know that a kiss meant something romantic, something that only happened to people who ‘wanted to make a family and live together’. He didn't want to be with Axel, he just wanted to show him how much he loved him, but why... why did it hurt so much inside him?
“Oh, Jakob, we could do it when we’d grow up!” Axel tried to cheer him up.
“I can’t be with you. I’m… I’m normal.” he will no longer be able to hug his friend tightly, nor will he be able to kiss him on the lips with joy for helping him with his problems. He will have to joke around, playing with words that can hurt people. Like he always did, like it will always be…
…or so he thought.
The evening sunset enveloped the large living room, the warm light falling on two tired bodies lying so close to the back of the couch, limbs intertwined as if they were listening to each other's heartbeats. Axel stroked his loved one’s head as he lay on top of him, with his hands pressed against his chest, he nuzzled his face into the curve of his neck, mumbling sweet memories incoherently into his skin. A blush covered his sleepy face, and his partner could feel it in the way he clutched his clothes harder.
“Why did you even decide to bring up that story about us from our childhood?”
“I’ve just thought,” Jakob lifted his head from his shoulder. A pair of half-lidded azure eyes, hidden behind his loose finge, peered at him, shining with hidden desire. “What a cruel irony, isn’t it? I stopped kissing you because I thought of you only as my friend, but now… Now we are together and we have nothing holding us back, at all.”
Axel held his breath. Axel… His boyfriend… His backbone. Jakob could never find the words to express his feelings, so his touches spoke for him. He moved closer to him, lips stroking his cheek with a loud sigh, rubbing his nose against his stubble, savoring his scent. They didn't need words to understand what he wanted, they got each other through smiles and love-filled gazes.
Axel kissed him sensually, his lips tender like their love, like the first bloom of their feelings. They had been together for as long as they could remember — one of their first memories, growing into millions of other moments together that were just as important to them. He ran his hand through his dark hair, twirling his locks between fingers. Jakob, humming with pleasure, ran his tongue over his lower lip, silently asking him to deepen the kiss. Axel's thumb slid from his soft cheek to his chin, pulling it lower and allowing their tongues to entwine. Every second of their pleasure felt like a reverent eternity, tenderness carried through the years, from their childhood and, as they hoped, until the very death. The wet sounds of kissing filled their room, but for them there was only the sound of each other’s heartbeat. Jakob wrapped his hand around his boyfriend’s neck, pressing himself even tighter against him. Axel’s mustache tickled his skin, causing him to smile into the kiss. He let out a suppressed chuckle, which truly humbled his partner. They pulled away, but only by a couple of centimeters, satisfied and in love.
“You know, you often tell me that we need to go out.” Jakob began as he felt his cheeks being peppered with small kisses.
“Oh! Finally, you want to go for a walk. Where do you wanna go?”
“No clue. You're the ‘expert in going out’, my job is only to suggest it.” he dumped the responsibility of planning on his boyfriend as usual, nothing new. Breaking away from the moment of tenderness, Axel pondered, tapping a finger on the man’s back.
“How about we go to the lake? In Vörå. We can visit our parents as well.”
“Wait, the one I’ve just mentioned?”
“We could stroll by its shore and observe the nature,” he cupped his face in his hands, as gently as he could. Jakob’s face flushed red as he felt a lock of hair tucked behind his ear and kissed his forehead. “Let’s go back to where this all had begun.”