Archive of Our Own ^beta

The graveyard is quiet as Yusuke walks in, prowling between the rows like a restless animal. He doesn't need instructions from the groundskeeper or a priest to find the right monument. He doesn't even need to read the names on the stones. The sky is blue, two and two make four, and Yusuke Urameshi has always been attracted to Keiko Urameshi nee Yukimura like opposite ends of a magnet. That she's dead now changes nothing.

It’s been less than a week since his last visit, but it’s still within the first forty-nine days after she left him. This level of intense mourning is acceptable – admirable, even, through human eyes. For once, traditional old men look at Yusuke with respect when they see him bringing flowers and incense to Keiko.

They think she was his grandmother instead of his wife. And no wonder.

At some point during the excitement of marriage – and, more importantly, convincing Keiko he wasn’t going to flake out on her, have a mental breakdown at the idea of commitment, or decide he was gay and run off with Kuwabara or Kurama – he’d forgotten something. Humans die of old age. Demons don’t.

He promised her forever. But forever was only ever an option for him.

Finally, he stops in front of her stone. It's a simple one, but elegant: one stone pillar in black with his family name carved into it. The material was taken from the human realm rather than the more durable makai quarries that have gotten popular over the last few decades. Keiko was friendly enough with the demonic side of Yusuke's extended friend group by the end, but she was never all that fond of Makai, and given how often Yusuke disappeared there over the years, it's no wonder.

But he always came back, and she always waited.

Her soul is gone, departed to judgement and what comes after without regrets. He's glad she didn't linger. That she, unlike his teenage self, had a place in the reshuffled cosmos under Koenma.

Even so, he feels alone in a way he never has before.

"Hey, Keiko," he says, bending down to lay out the incense. "It's been a while. How've you been?"

Soft footsteps trail behind him, like snow falling on the thick spring grass.

"The stone looks clean, so she must be doing well."

Yukina has arrived. Not just to visit Keiko with him, but on her own night of mourning. Yusuke's kinda lost track of time lately, but it's been much longer than forty-nine days since Kazuma Kuwabara died.

He should burn incense for the big lug, too. Fortunately, Hiei keeps bringing him piles of the stuff whenever he drops by from Mukuro's place. Yusuke's not sure where he's getting it, exactly, and it smells of Makai plants and blood, but Yukina likes it, so Kuwabara at least should appreciate it.

For Keiko, Yusuke bought proper senka incense sticks in more traditional scents. She had clear eyes and accepted him as he was long before he knew what he was, but to the end of her days, Keiko was never fully comfortable with his demonic side. He'd understood. He'd tried to be, if not normal, then reliable for her. It had been enough.

Until she was a wrinkled old woman, fading away like Genkai had faded, and he was still in the prime of life and full of demonic vitality.

He also bought kinsenka flowers, calendula marigolds, because she was fond of their golden colour. Kurama told him the meaning in hanakotoba once: 'sadness of parting, grief, loneliness, and disappointment.'

At the time, Yusuke hadn't really cared if the flowers Keiko liked were auspicious or not. Any flower is unlucky if Kurama is the one wielding it, after all. But he can't shake the feeling that she knew.

She was always smarter than he was.

He raises a hand as the blue-haired maiden approaches. She, too, has not aged a day. Maybe she never will. Over the last few decades, Yukina had started experimenting with human fashion. Since Kuwabara died, she’s gone back to her old stand-by: full-length kimono in various icy colours.

She wears different ribbons in her hair now. Yusuke recognizes each of them as Kuwabara’s anniversary gifts to her.

“Yo, Yukina. Still dressing like it’s the Edo period?”

Yukina sniffs as she glides closer. “I don’t want to hear that from you, Mom Jeans Urameshi.”

Yusuke chuckles. “Not gonna call me out on mixing plaids with florals?”

“That’s low-hanging fruit.”

“And Kuwabara used to do that, too?”

A nostalgic smile slides over her face. “It looked better on him.”

Yusuke grins back. If it's a little more washed out than the one that's become notorious around his friends, family, and ramen shop customers over the last six decades, he thinks he has an excuse. "Careful. You'll give him a swollen head."

She gracefully ignores the double entendre and begins taking out her incense sticks. "If he can still hear me, I will say only good things about him, to guide his way to his destination."

"Only good things? You sure about that?"

"Well. Only good things and things I don't want to forget."

"So, good things and entertaining things. I can work with that." Yusuke gazes down at the stone a little longer, then gently guides Yukina's arm down before she can light her demonic incense. "Keiko wasn't really a fan of that flavour," he says, and hands Yukina some of his own. "Try these."

Pale hands take the sticks. She raises them to her nose and gives the unlit powder a delicate sniff. Then she wrinkles her nose, and for a moment, she looks exactly like Hiei, disgruntled cat stare and all. "It's an... interesting flavour."

"It's white plum. Apparently. Supposed to help center the mind and body. Don't worry, I don't like 'em much, either."

Yukina glances at the small altar before the memorial stone with what Yusuke can only describe as 'trepidation.' That in and of itself is proof he's been spending too much time around Kurama lately. He never used to use big words like that, even in his head, when Keiko was alive.

But Yusuke knows himself well enough to admit that he's a man who lives for others before himself. Without Keiko, the house was too empty. He drifted around like a ghost himself until Kurama showed up, Hiei in tow, and started bullying Yusuke into caring for himself while making arrangements for the funeral.

Kurama must have been preparing for this outcome. Although Shuichi Minamino's pretty boy good looks have never faded, his eyes have always been much older than his face. He didn't look surprised when his mother finally died at the ripe old age of 104 and surrounded by her family. Grieving, yes, but not surprised.

It's always been easy to forget that Kurama was already over 500 when Yusuke met him and didn’t look a day over seventeen. Somehow, Yusuke doesn't think he'll be forgetting that again.

Yukina bows her head and lights the incense. The scent of plum fills the air.

It smells like memories.

"How have they been treating you?" she asks. "My brother and his..." Her voice trails off.

Yusuke gets it. It's really hard to put a label on what Hiei and Kurama are to each other. There's definitely a relationship there, and a strong one - strong enough to weather the flow of time, binding themselves to different demon lords, and becoming outright enemies. Back in the day, Yusuke thought it was just the result of them both being demons, some shared understanding he, Botan, and Kuwabara were all locked out of. Now he's a demon himself, and he still isn't any closer at figuring out what Hiei and Kurama have going on.

As soon as he thinks that, he knows it's a lie. He is much closer to understanding them now than he was a month ago, much less at fourteen. But he'd rather not dwell on why.

"It's been cool," he says, tucking his hands into his jacket pockets. He'll wait until Yukina's incense has settled before he lights more of his own. Keiko could never stand it when he mixed scents like that. "They helped me shut down the shop for a few days. Hiei actually told some stubborn customers to fuck off to their faces, if you can believe it."

Yukina laughs merrily. It has a faint metallic chime to it, like the clinking of gemstones.

"Kurama helped make sure the funeral service went properly." It was a good one, Yusuke thinks, especially compared to the far-off and faded memories of his own funeral. Those teachers were such assholes. Nobody talked shit like that at Keiko's funeral. Good thing. He doesn't know what he would've done if they had. "And then they bundled me off to Genkai's place." He sighs. "I swear, they were so scared I was gonna slip up and paste someone in a haze of grief. It was almost funny how careful they were to keep me away from the squishy folks."

Humans are terribly squishy to Yusuke these days. Most demons, too, especially the frail ones that have so easily slid into human society. The really powerful demons, the really instinct-driven ones, and the ones who won't or can't compromise their lifestyles have stayed in the depths of Makai, where the effects of the merging worlds barely register. You couldn't drag Mukuro, for example, out of Makai longer than a couple of weeks for a political conference and a bar crawl. Yomi and his kid seem to like wandering around human cities, but they always find their way back to Makai before they get hungry. And Raizen...

Raizen would have liked to see this merged world. But Yusuke isn't sure the old man would've known how to live in it.

Hell, Yusuke isn't sure he knows how to live in it.

"Did you?" Yukina asks.

He blinks, startled out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"Did you slip up and paste someone?"

"Oh. Nah, I've got better self-control than that." He clenches a fist, feels the demonic power thrumming through his veins, then lets it go. "They were just being overprotective."

"They do share that flaw. Among many others."

"They sure do."

"I've got the part-timer running the shop right now," Yusuke tells her. The part-timer being Jiro, a forty-something man who's been working under Yusuke since he was a reedy little teen. If Yusuke was human, like the old man he learned to make ramen under, Jiro would be his heir. As it is, Jiro's been his faithful second in command for decades. Kurama had made a good argument that Yusuke can trust Jiro with the shop until he gets his head on straight, however long that takes.

Yukina hums softly. "Jiro's a good boy."

Good to know Yusuke isn't the only one who still thinks of that bearded brick wall of a man as some punk kid.

"He is."

"He reminds me a lot of you when we first met."

Yusuke squints at her skeptically. "Really? He's got like a foot on me and he's built like a wrestler. If he looks like anyone, it's Kuwabara."

He has a moment to regret bringing up the comparison. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe she won't want to talk about her husband, the wound too red and raw. Words don't always help when it comes to pain. But Yusuke has tried not talking about the rawness in his chest - has put up with Hiei watching him silently and Kurama pussyfooting around anything that might add salt to his grief - and he is tired of avoiding the subject.

Perhaps Yukina is tired as well. She smiles back, serene as a frozen pond. "On the surface, perhaps. If you look closer, you'll find that you have a lot more in common with Jiro than you think. For example, you're both under the misapprehension that slicked back hair looks cool."

"Oi."

"You both like to work with your hands and struggle in a regimented learning environment, but came into your own when allowed to set your own learning goals," she continues. "Kazuma never had that problem."

Yusuke cuts her off there. "Okay, I know you love him, but that's bullshit. Kuwabara was just as bad in middle school as I was."

"He wasn't applying himself in middle school. He straightened up come high school, didn't he?"

Yusuke crosses his arms and glowers at her. Then he cracks a grin. "Yeah, he sure did. Could barely recognize him in that fancy uniform. And then he went and got into a proper university!" There's a distant burning sensation in Yusuke's eyes. He ignores it. He's done enough crying. "Still can't believe he didn't tell me until he'd already moved into the Gai Tech dorms. Bastard. I could have pulled so many pranks..."

"You pulled plenty of pranks on him after he moved in."

"It's the spirit of the thing!"

Another gemstone laugh rings out. After a moment, Yusuke finds himself letting out a rusty chuckle as well. He's already laughed more tonight than he has in the long weeks since Keiko faded.

You'd think he'd be used to seeing his loved ones die. And he is, to an extent. Kurama's Mom. Shizuru. His Mom. Kuwabara. Before any of them, Genkai. And before Genkai, his old human self - a fourteen year old punk who nobody thought would ever amount to anything, including Yusuke himself. Grief has been walking in his footsteps since the moment he opened his eyes and saw his own motionless body lying below.

There's a reason Yusuke has never tried to offer any of the humans in his life immortality. But for the life of him, he can't remember why right now.

Becoming a demon isn't the worst thing in the world. It worked fine for him, didn't it?

He must have been quiet for too long. Yukina's gaze shifts from the monument to him. Her regard is a quiet and gentle thing, but there's a spark of searing heat at the core that makes it impossible for him to look away.

"Did you know," she asks, her voice soft as powdered snow, "that I was the first person Kazuma told about getting into university?"

He definitely heard something about it a few dozen times. Kuwabara got really worked up when he thought he'd made a fool of himself in front of a pretty girl, especially when that pretty girl was Yukina.

"He was so shy, but full of enthusiasm," she recalls smiling faintly. "And so excited to tell me that he'd gotten the letter. He was into Gai Tech and he was going to study architecture. I waited until he was done talking, and then I asked him..."

"What's a Gai Tech?" she and Yusuke ask simultaneously, then break into tired chuckles.

"He dropped by my place later that day and asked me to put him out of his misery." Yusuke smiles down at the grave marker. Ah, memories. "I said yes, because I'm a good friend, and then I put him to work washing dishes at the ramen stand."

"So cruel, Yusuke."

"You're the cruel one, Yukina. You let him ramble at you about his university ambitions for five whole minutes before you told him you didn't know what university was."

Yukina's cheeks tint blue when she flushes. Kuwabara thought it was unbearably cute. Yusuke's not sure he can see the appeal, but Keiko used to tease him until the shadows of his Toushin tattoos swam up over his face, so maybe it's a human thing. "He called me up specifically to tell me about it, and - this was before smartphones were invented, remember? - I didn't really know that much about how phones worked, so I waited until he was done speaking before I said anything. I didn't want to cut him off and lose the connection."

"Is that why you waited so long? That's cute, Yukina."

"I am very cute," she agrees. "Almost as cute as nii-sama."

Yusuke opens his mouth, pauses, then shrugs. He doesn't know that he'd describe Hiei as cute personally, but they are siblings. She's allowed to be biased.

The spark of heat in her gaze flares brighter. "You don't think nii-sama is cute?"

He shrugs again. "Like a porcupine, maybe."

"Porcupines are less prickly than nii-sama is sometimes."

"So the prickles are part of the appeal?"

She blinks innocently and tilts her head. The resemblance to a tanuki Yusuke once knew is unmistakable. "Of course they are. What could be cuter than a vicious, hard-worn beast letting down its guard for you?"

Huh. Yusuke rolls that image around his head for a while, then nods. "Yeah, okay, I can see it now."

There are few things in any world more vicious and hard-worn than Hiei, after all.

"I thought you might," Yukina says. She glances back down at the monument and frowns. "The smoke is fading."

"Yeah, these incense sticks don't last as long as the ones you're used to." He helps her gather up the burnt stick, then places his own. "Here you are, Keiko. More of that white plum you liked," he murmurs. "Sure hope you aren't sick of the stuff yet, 'cause Kurama bought like a hundred of these on a bulk discount. I'll be burning them for years."

"Kurama picked them out?"

"Yeah, why?"

Yukina wrinkles her delicate nose. "That explains some things. I wondered why you picked something that smells like purification - if it was nostalgia or something you picked up from Genkai - but this is simpler. He's spent too long in that demi-human body," she elaborates when Yusuke stares at her. "It's messing with his nose."

"So I'm not the only one who thinks this stuff reeks?" he asks. "Keiko used to make fun of me for having a delicate nose. I'll show her delicate," he mutters automatically, only to remember he won't. He can't.

"I don't think I've met a single demon who likes white plum incense. But you’ve been using it for years.”

“Keiko liked it,” he says simply. There’s nothing else to say.

For a long moment, they simply stand there in silence, watching the smoke neither of them appreciate curl upward. Like the breath of a ghost in the night air.

Yukina is the one to break it. “How did you meet her?”

“Keiko? Man, always with the easy questions… I don’t know. No, seriously, I don’t. She’s always been there as far back as I can remember.”

She’d been the only one. Kuwabara came later. Before Yusuke had had a reliable rival to tease and make fun of, he’d only had Keiko. His life had revolved around her back then. He’d just been too young and dumb to see it.

"Childhood friends," Yukina says quietly. Her fingers dig briefly into the fabric of her sleeves, then let go before she can tear it. Her restraint never fails to impress. "I wonder what that's like."

Yusuke knows just enough about Yukina's childhood to know he probably doesn't want any more details. Hiei was the twin who was thrown off the glacier to die, but Yukina was still considered a child of tainted blood. She grew up an outcast on the edge of society. As the child of a single mother with underworld connections, Yusuke finds that kind of thing a little too relatable.

"She was always there," he says again. The cemetery grass crunches softly when he toes at it with his worn sneakers. He remembers Kurama saying something about even human-world grasses having glass in their stalks. That's why they can slash skin to pieces if you're not careful. "No matter what anyone else said, she never gave up on me. Not even when I gave up on myself."

It hurts to say it, even all these years later. But it's true. For a while there, Yusuke did give up on himself.

He was fourteen years old and he thought he had no future. As an adult, that's a horrifying concept. But when he was a kid... it was normal.

Teenagers are kinda scary. Not in what they're capable of, but in what they can internalize.

Yukina glances sideways at him. Her eyes are soft, but penetrating. "She saved you?"

"She believed in me."

"I see." Her gaze shifts back to the plume of smoke. It's already beginning to fade again. "I believed in nii-sama. I have no regrets about placing all of my wishes on his shoulders. But I hope I was able to believe in Kazuma at least a little."

"You did," Yusuke tells her. He reaches out to scruff her hair, sees the carefully tied ribbons with their cat designs, and thinks better. "Did you know you're the reason he started thinking seriously about university?"

She makes a little sound in the back of her throat like a curious cat. It sounds exactly like the noises Hiei makes when he's interested in something, but doesn't want you to think he cares.

Yusuke smiles. "Really. It took him a while to get serious, but the first time I ever saw him plan seriously for the future, it was after we rescued you."

The shift was gradual, but it began there, in the ruins of the manor where Yukina had been held prisoner. In the moment when Kuwabara, a big, ugly lug who’d always defined himself by his loyalty and his ability to protect others – and his rivalry with Yusuke, yeah, whatever – had looked up at Yukina and begged her not to hate humans.

Really, Yusuke thinks, Yukina had chosen to believe in Kuwabara a long time ago. In the moment when she decided that he alone was enough of a reason not to reject the species that had tormented her. Because of that, she came back to the human side of the merged world and spent nearly a century by Kuwabara’s side.

Nearly a century. A flash in the pan for a demon like Kurama, but Yukina is about the same age as Yusuke, isn’t she?

“Do you regret it?” he asks suddenly. “Coming back to the place that hurt you?”

The corners of her mouth tilt upward. It isn’t a pleasant smile, but it’s a smile nonetheless. “Don’t be silly, Yusuke. This world didn’t hurt me. A man named Tarukane did.”

She says it so easily. Like it’s simple to erase the line between humans and demons.

Once upon a time, Yusuke would have done the same without thinking. But now, the difference between species feels terribly stark.

The smile fades into something softer. “I don’t regret it. Shizuru was kinder to me than the koorime ever were. And Atsuko took me under her wing without me even having to ask her for help. And Genkai…”

There is a slight hitch in her voice. Yusuke gets it. He still chokes up when thinking too hard about everything Genkai did for him, too.

“Mean old hag,” he mutters, kicking the grass again. “She wouldn’t let either of us waste our youth.”

"Well, she wasted her own youth on someone like Toguro. She clearly wanted better for us."

"Point." The incense is well and truly faded now. He adds more and sets it alight. "You know, Toguro never forgot her."

Yukina sniffs. "Good."

"Think it'll be like that for us?"

She lifts her arm, long sleeves flowing elegantly, and places her hand over her heart. There's no steady thump coming from her chest. Demons don't have heartbeats. Even so, the gesture is a strikingly intimate one.

"It already is."

Yusuke jerks his eyes away from her like he's going to cry. He isn't, of course. He's done more than enough of that already.

“Did you ever offer?” Yukina asks while he’s facing away. “To turn her into a demon?”

“Did you?”

“I did,” she says quietly. He’s still watching the wind play over the grass, sending each strand dancing until the graveyard ripples like the open sea. “He held me close and said he wouldn’t take it.”

Huh.

“I’m surprised you managed it,” Yusuke admits. He scratches the back of his neck. The expanse of skin is only ever bared when he’s wrapped in his human skin. As soon as he shows his demonic heritage, a waterfall of stiff, tough hair sprouts to guard that weakness.

People think demons have no vulnerabilities, but in truth, they’re just better at hiding them. Funny how that works.

"It was towards the end. His hearing was going and his vision was following suit. I saw him fading like the morning mist and I had to know."

And so she asked her husband if he would give up his humanity to stay with her. To make 'forever' possible for them both. Even though she already knew what the answer would probably be. Is that braver than Yusuke staying silent, too scared to hear Keiko shoot him down?

"What did the big oaf tell you?"

There's a soft rustle of fabric as Yukina wraps her arms around herself. The remaining incense sticks she held vanish somewhere up her sleeve. "He said that eternity affects different people differently. Not everyone can stay in love for centuries. He said-" Her voice breaks. "He said he could promise to love me for a human lifetime. But if his love was so fragile it would wear thin and shatter under the weight of eternity, he didn't want to find out."

Yusuke laughs. It's a harsh, rusty sound, like grinding gears. "Idiot. It was Kuwabara. He'd never be that kind of weak."

"Selfish to the end," Yukina agrees. "Ah, the incense went out again."

So it has.

"How many more of these should I light, you think?" he asks conversationally as he sets up another stick of white plum. "I mean, I'm not gonna run out anytime soon. Kurama really bought way too many."

"Is he using them himself, do you think?"

For his mother, is the unspoken comment. Or perhaps his step-father and step-brother. The whole Minamino family was very close by the end.

"Nah, he's got another scent for her. Something she likes better. Red spider lily incense."

Yukina blinks. "I did not know they sold that."

"I don't think they do. He makes it himself. He has a whole-" Yusuke makes a vague circular gesture with his arm. "-perfumer set-up at Genkai's place. I gave him permission ages ago."

"Do red spider lilies smell like anything in particular?" she asks.

"Death, kinda," he says flippantly. "And lemons."

"Do you wish you'd had children?"

Yusuke exhales slowly, breath hissing between his teeth. Neither of them are holding back tonight, huh? "I don't know. Keiko never really brought it up. I don't know if that was because she didn't want kids, or..."

Or if she just didn't want kids with Yusuke specifically. Because for all that Keiko always pierced straight through the masks and rumours that surrounded him and saw him for who he actually was, she also saw what he actually was. And Keiko Urameshi nee Yukimura had more reasons than most to distrust demons.

Yukina laughs. It's a loud sound, and she seems to have startled herself; she immediately raises her hand and holds her sleeve in front of her face. It's no use. Her eyes are still smiling.

"It wasn't that," she assures him in the ringing, confident tones of someone who knows what she's talking about. "Keiko just had no confidence in herself."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Yusuke, how much do you know about Atsuko - your mother's - pregnancy?"

"Absolutely nothing," he says reflexively, then makes a face. "Shit, sorry, bad time for denial, huh?"

"Little bit."

He sighs. "Fine. More than I want to. For a while there, every time she got drunk enough, she'd start complaining about the hell I put her through at fourteen."

In hindsight, those late-night bitching sessions with his unreasonably young mother - the ones where she got as cruel and self-destructive as Yusuke ever has, not the fun ones where they sang karaoke together and cursed out each other's enemies - might have been part of why Yusuke grew up mean. Mean and self-centered in an odd way.

Kurama told him once, with the distant, knowing eyes of a centuries-old demon, that only children are selfish. They grow up thinking they're the center of the universe. This means they think everything is their fault.

When he was fourteen years old, Yusuke thought he was a blight on the world. That the best thing he could do with his life was die quietly and give everyone unfortunate enough to know him a chance to start over. Only when he grew up did he realize how sad that was.

"Mom had a hell of a time raising me, but the pregnancy was... bad." Worse than bad, really. Enough for a wild child yakuza princess to settle herself the hell down in a relatively quiet place with a very good hospital. He'd thrown her whole life off-kilter before he'd even been born. "She almost died. Tried to get an abortion, but it failed, so. She was stuck with a nightmare baby."

"Hybrid vigor. It happens. And when the mother isn't strong enough..." Yukina lowers her arm. She is still smiling, but there's a grim understanding in the curve of her soft mouth. "My mother died carrying me and Hiei. He thinks it was his fault."

The line of Yukina's small shoulders screams that she disagrees.

"So, you think..."

"I know. Keiko told me, when Kazuma and I were considering adoption." Unspoken is the fact that while Yusuke and Keiko were compatible enough to have kids, Kuwabara and Yukina weren't. The risk of having a forbidden child like Hiei was minimal compared to the risk of the baby just... freezing in Yukina's stomach. They opted not to push their luck in the end. "She said... she had no confidence in herself as a mother."

"That's bullshit," Yusuke snaps automatically.

"It's what she thought. I didn't say it was true."

"How... what the hell could possibly make her think that?"

Yukina presses her fingertips together. It's a graceful and ladylike expression of unease. That sort of thing always sticks out to Yusuke because his whole life has been full of women who were anything but. He's used to loud girls who will call him out properly when he's screwing up and fierce old hags who will just smack him when he pisses them off. Even after all these years, Yukina's delicacy feels oddly threatening.

She's a demon who has endured far more than he has with dry eyes. But it still seems like he could break her without even meaning to.

That's scary.

"It's not something that anyone said to her, but a conclusion she came to herself. She looked at the women in her life - mothers, grandmothers, sisters, and teachers - weighed herself, and found herself wanting." Long blue hair shifts as Yukina looks up, through the branches of the trees that border the cemetery and into the night sky. "It takes a certain kind of strength to bear a child, knowing the pregnancy may be dangerous. That the child who results won't be able to fit in. Even if she was caught by surprise, Atsuko had it," she says, calm and matter-of-fact. "My mother didn't."

Yusuke's skin prickles. He rubs his arms, shivering. "That's cold, Yukina."

"Yes. I am a cold person. All my warmth is reflected from other people. First nii-sama, then Kazuma. Keiko as well, though she had a little less warmth to spare."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Most of Keiko's warmth went to herself," Yukina says. "The rest went to you. You noticed, right? How anxious she was?"

Yusuke snorts. "Of course I noticed. Hell if I get what she was nervous about half the time. If it's a concrete fear, then I can handle it, but..."

"Most anxieties are not rational to begin with," Yukina finishes. "It was the same with this one. For some reason, Keiko decided that since Atsuko was so much stronger as a person than she was - close your mouth, I'm not done - something that almost broke Atsuko would surely destroy her. It was... difficult, I think, to grapple with the idea that she was physically unable to do something she wanted to. But no matter what angle she considered, there always seemed to be a wall ahead of her. The fragility of her own body was insurmountable. The idea of trying to bring a child into the world and failing..." She glances back at him and sighs quietly. A cloud of diamond dust fogs out in front of her. "Would it be easier to hear if I told you she was afraid of leaving you alone?"

It's difficult to speak around the lump in his throat. "She left me anyway."

"Yes."

"She didn't even tell me she was scared. I thought..."

"Keiko never liked letting anyone know she was afraid." Yukina's smile returns, faint and damning. "I can understand the feeling. To be perceived is a terrible thing."

"Yeah," Yusuke chokes out.

Yukina doesn’t cry much these days. When she does, she gathers up the hiruseki and brings them to Hiei, and the twins have a nice big bonfire. Maybe this is her own way of rejecting the pain of being known.

"Are you angry?" she asks. "Do you resent her? Keiko was sure you would, if she ever spoke of this, but I didn't think so. You're too sensible for that sort of thing."

“Like hell I’d resent her! But no shit I’m mad. There’s no way I’d want her to tie herself up in knots about something like this. If I’d just known… if we’d just talked about it…”

“Then you would have been able to understand each other, even if you couldn’t fix your genes and her fears.” Yukina bobs her head agreeably. “The incense is going out again.”

“So it is.” This time, Yusuke makes no move to relight it. He waits until the last cinders have gone out and the final wisp of smoke curls through the still night air. Then he clears away the sticks and ashes and lays the bouquet before the grave. “This isn’t symbolic, okay?” he tells the woman who isn’t here to listen. “Forget the flower meaning. I already have. All I know is that you liked these dumb marigolds, so I’m giving them to you. That’s all.”

“You know what they mean in hanakotoba?”

“I don’t," he says firmly.

The curve of Yukina's smile softens. “Ah. For what it’s worth, I think you would have had cute children.”

“We had Jiro. That was enough.”

She hums softly. It sounds exactly like Hiei's least annoyed grunts. Like brother, like sister.

"So," he asks after a minute. "When did you figure out Hiei was your older brother, exactly?"

"You and Kurama still haven't settled that bet?" she counters.

"Botan's in the betting pool too," he says defensively. "Koenma was as well, but he dropped out."

"Because he knows what's good for him. Unlike you."

"Yeah, well, nobody ever claimed Toushin know what's good for them. Especially not after the old man starved himself to death."

It took Raizen centuries to die of starvation. That’s the kind of determination you have to admire, even with the grisly result.

Yukina tilts her head like an owl. "Has it been long enough to make jokes at King Raizen's expense?"

Yusuke flaps a hand idly. "I'm his however many greats-grandkid and I had to watch his final days. I get to make as many jokes as I want."

Anyway, as much as Yusuke respects his ancestor's sheer force of will, the last few decades have shown how easy it is for even the obligate maneaters to source mostly ethical meals. There are a ton of humans in the world dying every second. Far more than there are demons who need to eat them. Even picky assholes like Yomi rarely hunt when they can use delivery apps instead.

He mentions that to Yukina.

"Nii-sama still likes to hunt his meals, but he's not got any dietary limitations," she notes. "I think he just likes the chase."

"He loves the chase," Yusuke agrees. A slow smirk crawls over his face. "Otherwise, he wouldn't get so riled up over feather toys. Remember?"

She giggles and covers her mouth with her sleeve again. "Kazuma had entirely too much fun when he realized nii-sama never outgrew the pounce instinct. Not when he's relaxed and happy, anyway."

It still feels a bit weird to describe Hiei of all people as 'relaxed and happy', but Yusuke can see it. They've all grown up a lot over the last few years. Hiei's no exception. Sixty years ago, he wouldn't have meddled nearly this much in Yusuke's business, even to stop Yusuke from falling apart.

"I should thank him," Yusuke says idly. "But seriously, not gonna settle that bet? This might be your last chance."

"I hope we all pass on with that bet unresolved," she retorts. "Really, both of you, putting money on such a thing."

"You say that like you don't have money on when Hiei's gonna man up and ask Kurama to... y'know." Yusuke snaps his fingers a few times, but the word won't come to him. "Whatever demons do instead of marry."

"Demons aren't a monolith. There's a bunch of things we do instead of marry. But I don't know if nii-sama is ready for that kind of commitment."

"Chicken."

She smiles. "He's a fragile, sheltered soul."

"Buck-buck-buckaw. Hand me some of the Makai incense." He makes grabby hands at her until she hands a stick over. Then he raises it to his face and inhales. Mmm, old blood and flowers that reek of primordial jungles and starlight. "Aw, yeah, that's the stuff."

"I thought Keiko didn't like this?"

"She doesn't," he says, twirling the stick between his fingers. "I'm giving this to Kuwabara. Lead the way."

Yukina's steps are silent on the grass and carefully-manicured path. Kuwabara's grave isn't too far away. She leads and Yusuke follows. Something about that arrangement feels off, but he's not sure why. It's not like he's in any condition to lead anyone anywhere these days.

Maybe he hasn't been for a while. Losing people is nothing new to Yusuke, but these last few years - decades, really - have been rough. In some ways, mortality catching up with the humans who had been constants in his life is only natural. Predictable, even. In other ways...

He used to live his life like he was waiting for the dominoes to fall. They've fallen now. All of them.

Keiko. Kuwabara. Kurama's Mom. Shizuru. His Mom. Kuwabara. Before any of them, Genkai. And before Genkai, his old human self - a fourteen year old punk who nobody thought would ever amount to anything, including Yusuke himself.

Kuwabara's stone is simpler than Keiko's, all flat geometric lines. An avant-garde headstone. He designed it himself. He was so proud of how it turned out that he offered to design stones for the rest of their little gang. Yusuke was tempted to take him up on it, but Keiko had her heart set on something more traditional, and no amount of explaining could make Hiei understand the point of a gravestone. Kurama was the only one who accepted the offer. Shuichi Minamino's headstone sits with the rest of his family's.

There's meaning in that, Yusuke thinks. A sense of closure. A reminder that once upon a time, the demon Kurama answered to the name 'Shuichi'.

Maybe Yusule should have asked Kuwabara to make him a stone while he had the chance. It would be good to have a physical monument for the life he's lived.

"He wanted to make gravestones for all of our cats," Yukina says softly. She kneels down and sets up her own stick of incense. Bitter smoke wafts through the early morning air. "I convinced him to design them custom urns instead."

Yusuke chuckles. "Good call. You had so many cats."

"I like them. They're cute. They don't get along with birds very well, though. The kids took our last cat with them with they moved out. Maybe I'll start keeping birdfeeders instead."

"You could do nest boxes," he suggests. "Give them a safe place to live."

"I could."

He doesn't suggest keeping caged birds. As much as Yukina likes her feathered friends, she has never once expressed interest in having birds as pets.

"Keiko was never really the type to have pets," he muses. "She got really invested in the community instead."

"So did you," Yukina points out. "You put down roots. It was good for you."

Yusuke chuckles again. The sound dies quickly. "You think so?"

She hums. And then she stands up, her small form wreathed in smoke, and fixes him with a knowing look. Her eyes are as piercing as her brother's.

“Do you regret it?” she asks. “Coming back to the place that hurt you?”

He breathes out slowly, rolling those words around in his head like marbles. "Nah. No regrets here. Keiko and I... we might not have always been on the same page, but she's always been the most reliable person I know. The bravest, too. At that point in my life-" When he'd returned from Makai, barely an adult and only just starting to feel at home in his own skin again. "-she was the only one I'd ever loved. If I hadn't come back, I would've spent the rest of my life kicking myself for not even giving her a chance."

"I asked if you regretted coming back to the place that hurt you, not the woman that hurt you."

Damn. That one's harder to answer.

Yusuke hooks his thumbs into the loops on his jeans and gazes up at the fading stars. "It's really unfair how human society is structured. If you don't look right... if you can't read the room... if your parents don't have the right background or the right papers... then it's like you've been stained before you were even born."

Yukina lets out another hum.

"I guess you'd know that," Yusuke says. He laughs dryly, because some things you have to laugh at or you start crying, and as he said before, he's cried too much already. "It's not even like there's a reason behind it. At least - this is gonna sound awful, but at least with the two of you, there was an actual reason for the koorime to be scared of Hiei. Not a good reason, but he sure did have a ton of firepower."

She nods silently.

"They still could've done literally anything other than throw a baby off a cliff. But there was an actual threat to a child who can set things on fire being born in a clan of ice demons. With me..." He shakes his head. "For the first decade and a half of my life, I was indistinguishable from a regular human, and most of the people who knew me still treated me like a dirty bomb. Because I had no father, the wrong mother, too much energy and not enough focus, no social skills, and zero ability to read the room. I couldn't sit still and keep my head down. So I figured at a really early age that if I couldn't help but stick out, I'd at least stick out on my own terms. And, y'know... it turned out I'm really good at fighting."

"You are."

"I thought maybe, if I fought hard enough, I could carve out a slice of this town where it'd be okay if I existed. Kuwabara thought the same, y'know. People used to give him such a rough time over his ugly mug. Like he could help being a giant with blazing red hair."

"I liked his mug," Yukina says. Her words fall soft, like fresh snow.

"Yeah," Yusuke breathes around the lump in his throat. "So did I."

"The koorime raised me. But they never let me forget whose blood I shared, and how contact with my brother's fire made me a threat to them and their way of life. You're lucky, Yusuke. Atsuko was a lot of things, but she never treated you like a danger."

"No," he agrees. "A 'no-good, millstone around her neck who took too much after her for his own good', sure, but she was never scared of me. Not once." He looks up. Overhead, the stars are fading. Colours are starting to creep over the horizon. Dawn is on its way. "I used to think I'd have to carve acceptance out of this town the way she did. Sheer force of personality and having a ton of blacksuited goons on speed dial. Turns out I just needed to stop fighting and pick up a trade. Still not sure how I feel about that."

This town and its community hurt him. They hurt him so deep that he died thinking the world would be better without him. As a teenager, that isolation and alienation seemed inevitable, like gravity pulling something down when you drop it.

As an adult, he finds it unforgiveable. Thinking about how he was treated makes him feel like old man Takenaka must have at Yusuke's funeral: so damn sad and angry at a waste of potential.

Yusuke deserved better, he thinks. That he found his place eventually doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't have been so alone for so long.

"But y'know one thing I am sure about?" he asks, smiling. "I never hated this town. Had a hell of a time fitting in, but... half the reason it hurt so much to fail is because I wanted it so desperately. So no, I'm not sorry I came back to Sarayashiki or the human side of things. I'm glad I gave it a shot."

When he glances down, Yukina is grinning back at him - a real grin, her tiny fangs gleaming, eyes squinting into half-circles like a happy cat.

"I'm glad," she says. And then, without missing a beat, she continues. "When are you planning to leave?"

"Within the year." Probably. "Once I have Jiro trained up."

"To run the shop in your absence or to take it over?"

"I don't know," he says. "It depends."

Yukina makes another little hum. It's an encouraging sound. Sympathetic without being pushy. Inviting without being forceful. He can see why animals like her so much.

"I don't know how long it will take me to get my head on straight," he admits finally. It's been somewhere around forty-nine days and the fog clouding Yusuke's head is as thick and dense as it was when he woke up to find Keiko still and quiet beside him. "We built a life in Sarayashiki, and now..."

"Everything in this town reminds you of him," Yukina finishes.

"Of her, but yeah. Sounds like we're in the same boat."

"For me, it's a comfort," she says, slowly and carefully, like she's thinking through each word before she speaks it. "To have memories of him around every corner, attached to each building he designed. This place is a monument to him. He'll be part of it for a long, long time to come."

"That's good," Yusuke says, and means it. But seeing Keiko's ghost everywhere he looks is getting to him.

She's never gonna yell his name again. Never gonna let out an imperious huff and grab him, by the collar or by the hand, and sweep him off somewhere again. He won't be able to tease her, apologize to her, or make her smile. Those days are gone. They're already passing into the horizon. Soon, they'll be nothing but memories.

Yusuke doesn't know if he can bear to watch the people of Sarayashiki forget her.

Yukina is still looking at him. "Nii-sama is headed back to Makai soon. Kurama will be tagging along as well, I believe."

"I know." Yusuke gives her a weary grin. "I'm headed back with them. Not sure if I'll be staying permanently just yet, but they think being somewhere new will do me good."

And frankly, Yusuke doesn't have the spirit to argue with them. Not when being in this town is killing him.

He never did understand Raizen when he was younger. How someone who was completely sound of mind and body could choose to wither and die. He still doesn't get it now, but he's definitely closer than he was a month ago, much less at fourteen. But he'd rather not dwell on why.

Maybe living as a demon for a few years will change that.

"It's funny," he says, thinking aloud. "I spent so much time trying to be human. Not just for Keiko - for myself. Even after all these years, I don't feel confident calling myself a demon. I didn't grow up as one. I feel like someone's gonna call me out on all the shit I don't know."

"I believe that's fairly normal." She raises a hand and brushes a stray lock of blue hair back into place. "As I said, demons aren't a monolith, and I was never any good at being a koorime. Humans aren't a monolith either. Kazuma felt terribly out of place at his fancy school for a while. It gets easier eventually."

"Yeah?"

"You just have to fake it till you make it."

"You could come with us," Yusuke suggests. It's a spur of the moment thing. He's not actually sure how the others would react to him making the offer, Hiei especially, but it feels like he needs to give her the chance.

She smiles and gazes down through her lashes. When Yusuke follows her eyes, he finds them resting firmly on Kuwabara's grave.

"Not yet." The firmness in her voice is unmistakable. This is probably as close to 'never' as she's willing to get these days.

"Fair enough."

"You should write," Yukina says. "On holidays, at least. You and my brother both have no sense of time. Making a habit of sending letters to me will keep you from losing track of the days entirely."

"Hey, my sense of time isn't that bad."

"Isn't it?" She raises a delicate eyebrow, then gestures to the side.

Yusuke follows her gaze again and finds a pair of figures standing at the cemetery entrance. Or rather, one of them is standing. The other, much smaller than the first, is perched on an outstretched tree branch, looking for all the world like he's napping and not waiting on them.

He grins and scratches the back of his head. "That time already?"

"It would appear so." Yukina glances at the pile of incense she has remaining, then lights the lot all at once. "Let's not keep them waiting too long."

Yusuke whistles. "That's gotta be a fire hazard."

Her fingers glisten with frost.

"Never mind." He glances at his own remaining stash of incense and considers doing the same to get rid of it, but... that's a lot of white plum smoke. He'd end up filling the whole graveyard with it. All four of them would end up running away with streaming eyes. "If I give you these, will you send them to Keiko while I'm gone?"

"Come back and send them yourself," she says.

"I'm planning to be back for the anniversary, but a year is a long time."

"Only for humans."

Ah, that's true enough. What is a year to a demon?

What is a year to the dead?

Yusuke watches the thick, dark smoke gather and drift upwards. With its help, the night holds on a little longer, but morning is coming. Everything ends.

"Hey, Yukina, if people keep telling you things they don't want me to know... why didn't Kurama come here with us?"

She lets out a delicate snort. "Kurama doesn't tell people things, period. But if I had to guess, he doesn't think he's qualified to be here. Because he knew he would outlive his mother from the start."

Yusuke lets out a significantly less delicate snort. "That's dumb."

"Yes."

"He's dumb."

"I concur."

If Kurama and Hiei are listening in on the conversation from the cemetery's edge, they show no sign of it.

Yusuke glowers at Kurama, his vibrant hair still monochrome in the early morning gloom, and crosses his arms. "We should give him a piece of our minds."

Yukina dusts off her hands and nods. A certain firmness of purpose settles around her shoulders. In that moment, wreathed in responsibility she sought out and claimed for herself, she does not look like her brother. Responsibility has always looked skittish and painful on Hiei. He wasn't made to lead and he doesn't find it comfortable - definitely not since the Jagan sent him briefly spiraling into cackling comic book villainy.

No, when Yukina steps up to the plate, she looks entirely like herself. A grown woman instead of an ageless waif. An endless tundra instead of a single snowflake.

"We should," she agrees, and starts forward.

Yusuke falls into step behind her.

Kurama made a pretense of ageing when his mother was alive. After her death, he went back to the shape Yusuke is most familiar with: long red hair, youthful face, enormous green eyes. The difference is that he no longer carries himself with the relative innocence of a high school student. Yusuke has never known Kurama young, but there is certainly a difference between the driven demon he first met and the world-weary figure who stands before him. It's in the line of his shoulders, the subtle bags under his eyes, and even the way he no longer bothers to sweep back his hair whenever a strand falls out of place.

He nods as they approach. His smile is the same practiced curve as always. "Hello, Yusuke, Yukina. Are you already done?"

Yusuke rolls his eyes. "'Already done,' he says. Like we haven't spent all night talking to gravestones."

"Be fair, Yusuke," Yukina chides. She steps up, daringly close to Kurama, and hooks her small arms around his. "We also talked to each other."

"True. But you know who we didn't talk to at all?" Yusuke mirrors her, except he hooks his arm around Kurama's neck.

A gentle headlock is still a hell of a threat from something with a Toushin's strength. It's a testament to how much Kurama trusts him that the redhead stiffens for less than a heartbeat.

"I sense that I have made a mistake of some kind," Kurama says carefully. It could be a joke. Or it could not be. Hard to tell with him.

"You could put it that way."

"Kurama, you should come with us next year," Yukina says. That bluntness is very Hiei. "You should have come with us this year. Unless you prefer to mourn alone?"

'Unless you prefer to mourn alone.' She's gotten so bold in her old age. Yusuke's very proud.

Green eyes flicker from one side to the other. That's not the kind of uncertainty Kurama shows often. More importantly, it's a brand of uncertainty that there is simply no point in faking. Not among other demons. "I didn't want to intrude..."

"He's hedging," Yusuke says. "Stop hedging."

"You are a ridiculous fox. Have you idea how important you are? Besides, you were the first of us to lose someone dear. You should have been giving us advice." Yukina gives their linked arms a tug and walks off imperiously, expecting them both to follow.

Kurama glances at Yusuke, then back at Hiei's faux-sleeping shape in the tree. Hiei makes no move to interfere. After a moment, Kurama breathes out slowly and starts walking with her. Yusuke follows up the rear.

Well. Technically, the actual rear is Hiei, but not for much longer. Yusuke's demonic ears catch the faint rustle of Hiei getting up from his perch and darting off ahead of them.

Hiei is the only one of their little group to have never loved and lost a human. In a way, he's lucky. He's never felt the pain that brought darkness under Kurama's shining eyes - the same one that left Yusuke drifting and Yukina so lonely. That said, Yusuke can't bring himself to envy Hiei his peace.

"Do you regret it?" Yusuke asks in a low tone. "Loving her?"

For a moment, Kurama stares at Yusuke with no expression whatsoever. It's like he's forgotten what to do with his face. Then, slowly, he smiles.

"Never," he says with the quiet confidence that comes of having lived for centuries.

Yusuke smiles back, crookedly and full of hope. "Me neither."

"That's good. Regret is a heavy thing to carry. We have forever in front of us, after all."

Yusuke ruffles Kurama's hair and steps away from Kurama's vengeful swipe, laughing. Playing around like this doesn't come as easily as it used to. But it will again, he thinks.

He doesn't know what forever looks like. Not yet. But as long as he sticks with his remaining family, he'll find out one day.

To his shock, Yusuke finds himself looking forward to it.