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Liam Payne was not one for drinking himself silly.
If you’d noticed, that sentence was noted in past tense, and if you ask Liam himself as to why it is so, he’d happily tell you that he now has two functioning kidneys and therefore can drink as much as he pleases.
Still, it isn’t as though he’s ever fond of being incoherent, unable to think straight and losing control over himself. Most of the time, Liam appreciates the lightheadedness that alcohol brings but he’d never considered himself a heavy drinker like Niall.
Despite his principles, everything is different on this particular night.
At exactly 11:14 p.m, 13th December 2012, Liam thought, “Screw it,” and decided to chug down as many beer bottles as he could. Just under twenty minutes, he was already high, stumbling around drunkenly and executing dance moves that he never knew he could do on the tables of the bar he was in, much to his band mates’ dismay.
Needless to say, Liam was not capable of driving himself home, and all he remembered was someone pushing him into another person’s car and driving away from the bar as he uttered gibberish, laughing a lot in between the slurred words.
Now as he fixes his stare at the wallpaper of the room he is in, he realises that he is in one of the rooms in Louis’ flat. The sky-blue wallpaper is somewhat soothing to his eyes, but otherwise his whole body feels like screaming in protest. He has a pounding headache, his limbs feel worn-out and he is parched. At that moment, Liam makes a solid promise to himself to never drink as much ever again.
Rolling over on the bed, Liam looks at the digital clock on the bedside table.
4:37 AM.
Liam gets up from the bed, almost zombie-like, and takes careful steps towards the door. Like a baby learning to walk, he walks towards the kitchen in a slow pace, trying his best to keep himself balanced. His dry throat urges him to run - run and pacify it with a glass of water, but Liam tells himself to be patient.
“Take it slow, Liam,” he finds himself saying out loud, then lets out a weak chuckle at how inane he’s being.
After what seems like an hour, he finally settles down at the kitchen counter with a glass of cool water from the fridge, and as he gulps it down he thinks that he’d never truly appreciated water as much as he does now. He licks his lips as he holds the empty glass in mid-air, staring off into space.
Liam is all alone, in the dark and God forbid maybe one of those monsters his mum used to tell him about when he was a child would creep up to him and attack him, but his mind is vacant of childhood stories as he thinks back to 1st January 2012.
Images flash around in Liam’s head – bursts of fireworks, with all the bright colours; hands intertwined as though they’d never part; fingers through soft, curly hair.
Liam wishes he could stop seeing it, feeling it, as though it was just yesterday but the memory lingers for so long that it keeps replaying over and over again, like a bad episode of a television show on endless re-runs.
He clutches his head with his hands, feeling buckled by both the memory and his hammering headache.
“Liam?”
Liam looks up slowly and sees a silhouette in the dark, just standing near the entrance of the kitchen.
”What are you doing up so early?” the silhouette steps out of the dark shadows and into the dim light cast by the city lights from outside of the window. Louis is looking at Liam with one of his eyebrows raised.
”Just… Not feeling good,” Liam responds, grimacing.
Louis chuckles. ”Well you did get rather hammered last night,” he says, fetching himself a glass of water. He goes over and sits next to Liam at the counter. ”You were quite the riot.”
Liam squeezes his eyes shut. ”I did something embarrassing, didn’t I?”
”Let’s just say you’ve earned yourself a new title at the bar,” Louis says, ”Something like ‘Drunk-Dancer Liam’.” He looks amused as Liam groans in frustration.
”What’s up, Li?” Louis asks, placing a hand on Liam’s shoulder. The amusement on his face is replaced with a look of concern. ”Wanna talk it out?”
”It’s just… her,” Liam says quietly, almost in a whisper. ”I keep thinking of her, and I just want to forget it because I know it’s time to move on and it’s best for both of us…” He breathes out heavily, hating the fact that he is rambling. ”But I’m just stuck here replaying the same memory with her, again and again. Even though it’s been, what, almost a year?”
Louis just keeps silent, taking a small sip of his water.
”I just wish there’s some sort of, I don’t know, button that I could just press and make everything go away.”
Louis nods. ”I know. Everyone would like that, I guess.” He looks at Liam and there is a slight pause.
”But what if…” Louis starts off carefully, “there was a button that could do the opposite? That could… Bring back memories that we’ve forgotten?
”If there could be a button to forget, why can’t there be a button to remember? And maybe it’s not just things we’ve forgotten,” Louis says, looking deep in thought, “What if we actually had a chance to remember something that we’ve never actually experienced?”
“Like… imagining something?” Liam tries to keep up with Louis’ logic.
“It’s like this, Li,” Louis says, turning slightly towards Liam, biting his lip in anticipation. “I would like to remember a time when we – you, me, Harry, Zayn and Niall – are having the time of our lives together,” he pauses to think for a slight moment, “like, say, at a funfair or amusement park.”
Liam is looking at Louis, trying to figure out whether or not Louis is in his right mind.
“No security, no screaming fans. Just the five of us, like we’re just normal lads having a good day.” Louis is smiling wistfully, his gaze not quite focused, as though he is actually seeing the scene he is describing with his own eyes.
Liam has a feeling that this is going to be long, but he doesn’t mind. The sound of Louis’ mellifluous voice is calming him down and he feels his tense muscles relax.
“We fool around and go to all the game stalls they have there. We’re all trying to win something, because we have a pact among ourselves that we’ll take home at least one prize for ourselves at the end of the day.
“At one of those hoopla stalls, Zayn and Harry compete to see who can win the prize first, while Niall watches and you and I exchange knowing looks because we know that they’re vying for Niall’s attention.
“Zayn wins. He scores a giant teddy bear and soon after, we walk along with Niall struggling to keep it in his arms. He calls it ‘Zap’ because of Zayn’s tattoo and we all laugh, but no… Harry’s not giving up just yet. He goes off to another game stall and ends up losing another three times.
“Harry finally wins at one of the games and gives Niall a funny-looking toy frog with wonky eyes, which Niall decides to name Haz just so he could be fair. Zayn and Harry playfully punch each other, and you, being good ol’ Daddy Direction, break them apart.
“You win a cuddly, soft puppy and I say that it reminds me a lot of you as I mess up your hair.
“Surprisingly, I win a plush toy… in the shape of a carrot. We decide that we can’t stand the irony of it and I end up giving it away to a random little kid.
“Bumper car rides. Harry’s being a total goof, bumping into everyone else even though he’s the only one besides me who’s got a driving license. Niall’s laughing hard, possibly even harder than we’ve ever heard him laugh before.
“I spot a ‘Haunted Adventure’ House and drag everyone to go in with me. Harry screams like a girl when a vampire with too-obvious fake fangs approaches and Zayn and Niall cling onto each other for dear life when a mummy jumps out from a cupboard. I grip your wrist a little too hard, but you don’t seem to mind. Probably too busy watching out for zombies, or being amused at how stupid and unrealistic Frankenstein looks.
“We go out, gasping. Then Niall urges Zayn and Harry to come with him to the candy floss shop and they return with pink and blue sugary clouds on sticks, giving only one for the two of us to share. You smile, take a few pinches of it and tell me that the rest is all mine, because you know how much I love candy floss.
“Niall exclaims that he is still hungry and Zayn and Harry make a bee-line for the hamburger joint, each determined to buy something for Niall. Niall turns back to the two of us, winks, and goes off to follow his two admirers. There is an awkward silence as we both try to figure out what to do, but then you look up and see a Ferris wheel. You suggest that we should go on it, and I immediately agree, not knowing what else is there left to do when we’ve done practically every activity there earlier with the lads.
“Our passenger car has the number 24 on it. You point out that it reminds you of my birthday and I nod, glad that you remember. We’re lifted up into the air and as we go higher, I notice that the view from above is incredible. You say out that exact thing that was going through my mind and I laugh, making a lame joke about telepathy.
“The wheel is at the highest part of its cycle and it is moving slowly, and I silently wish that I’d brought my camera along with me. The sky is full of stars and the moon is bright, which leads to me making another lame joke about werewolves. You laugh, and at that moment I realise that that was the reason I’d cracked the joke, because wow, your laugh is amazing. Makes me feel like someone has just announced that Christmas would be celebrated every other week.”
Liam notices Louis’ cheeks turning a little red, and the older boy laughs it off. Louis’ voice has gone much softer than when he’d started, sounding almost husky as he continues to narrate his little ‘memory’.
“Suddenly there are fireworks. Bright, bursting colours fill the sky – there’s green, pink, blue, yellow, you name it. You and I exchange surprised looks. We can’t believe that we’ve forgotten…
“It’s a new year.”
At this point, Louis stops. Liam waits a little longer for him to continue, but he doesn’t.
“That’s the end,” Louis mutters, the glazed look gone from his eyes, a small smile on his lips as he looks at Liam. He is holding back, and Liam can sense it.
“I don’t think it is,” Liam says, looking into Louis’ blue eyes, “Seems incomplete.”
Louis is staring back into Liam’s brown eyes, and the two stay still for a second, lost in the moment.
Liam is struck with sudden comprehension, hitting him square in the chest. The past months have been completely wasted, and all he knows now is that he can’t risk waiting around for the old memories to fade any longer, not if he has new memories waiting to be made real.
For the first time, he is seeing through a window, a window to a passage where there is only a fine line between fiction and reality.
And Louis has helped him see it.
“You know,” Liam mumbles, narrowing his eyes slightly, “I believe I have a right to change that ending. It’s a memory of us together, so I remember it too. This is what really happens in the end.”
Louis expects Liam to speak, but instead of doing so, Liam leans in a little closer and their lips brush against each other, sending tingles down Louis’ spine. Staying in that position, Liam whispers his preferred ending.
“It’s a new year. It’s a new beginning… for you and me.”