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He suddenly woke up. Sweat dripping from his temple, breathing heavy.
Izuku hasn't been able to escape this image for two months now. The image of Katsuki, his childhood best friend, rival, his inspiration, laying cold on the ground, open wound on his chest, right on his heart, getting wet from the cold rain. There was no mistake - Katsuki was gone.
It started to get even harder to breath, he has to see him or he would believe the image was real. Removing the heavy blanket, without bothering to put on shoes, Izuku started walking fast to the stairs that lead to the second floor.
He was in front of his door in a heartbeat and knocking. The longer it took for Katsuki to answer the heavier the panting got, at this point he was make noise of short and fast breaths.
Finally Bakugou opened, a worried look on his face already showing. 'He must have heard me from inside the room'. Suddenly his legs gave out and
Katsuki quickly caught him. "Nerd you need to breath. C'mon look at me". Slowly they both sank to the ground on their knees, still at the door entrance.
"Can't-", Izuku tried and took another fast breath.
"No talking, just look at me and breathe, everything's fine, we're not there anymore, you're safe- we're safe".
Finally Izuku looked up into the crimson eyes, breathing slowing a little.
"Just like that, breathe and don't close your eyes. Those images your brain is showing, are not real anymore". Finally, he got the breathing under control, and slow and silent tears escaped his eyes, while still looking at Katsuki.
"Why is this not getting any easier" Izuku asked without waiting for an actual answer. "It hurts just like the day I saw you there, lifeless".
"I know..", is all Katsuki could answer, while helping Izuku move inside his room to close the door, still sitting on the floor, now next to each other, leaning on the wall.
"You know, I haven't had a single night of good sleep either, since then" Bakugou said in a monotone voice. Izuku looked at him slowly, knowing he had more to say.
"No matter how badass we were", Izuku chuckled dryly at that, "and how great the feeling of winning felt.. sometimes I wish I could forget it all. Turn off my brain, make it shut up for a while".
After a short pause Izuku answered "I wish I had a solution for the both of us, make the pain go away".
"There he goes again, trying to be a hero and find a solution to everything" Katsuki tried to make a joke, although a weak one.
"It's not your job to fix me. I know this sounds wild coming from me, but I guess we need to let others help us heal now, therapists, parents.."
"I guess I can't help it, Kacchan, I always wanted to help you. It hurts me that I can't" he took a big breath new tears spilling "And it hurts that I couldn't help then. For some reason I can't seem to let this go, even though you're okay now. I was supposed to be next to you, no matter what and I failed" Katsuki was looking at him, he hesitated at first, but then bought one of his hands to Izuku's cheek to brush his tear. Izuku continued, as if this was the most natural thing, which made Katsuki feel at ease.
"I am trying to make up for it, and be next to you now" he took another breath "and I will continue to do it, quirk or no quirk".
"I know, always so stubborn" Katsuki tried to lighten the mood, and Izuku ever so slightly smiled at that.
Katsuki let his hand fall from Izuku's face, but still looked at him in the eyes.
"We went through so much together, I think we didn't notice just how much closer we got".
"Katsuki," Bakugou shivered at the name, since he never called him that, "I think-", Izuku looked at him, with this determined look, full of heavy feelings and unspoken things. "I-" he tried again, trying to put into words this feeling, but before he could, "I know, nerd, me too".
Izuku sighed in relief.
"Stay here for the night? 'Make up for it', as you said, and be next to me?"
Izuku knew the second question had a deeper meaning to it.
"Okay".
And that's all they needed for now.