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This feeling can't be love. It can't be.
Nonono... She can't ruin this too. She can't ruin the precious thing that her and Hanako's friendship is— How could she ever live with herself, knowing she'd be the reason she dimmed his eyes, made his smile sour?
It won't happen. She clutches the material of her uniform over her heart, scrunching it so tightly in her palms until the blood drains out of her hand and she's left trembling. She can't lose another good thing. Her crushes are doomed to end in failure, but this is one she'd never recover from.
His heart is so pure, even if he is adamant that it's not with his twisted grin and his mischievous lips that poke kisses at her cheeks when she least expects them. He has a heart bigger than the moon itself, but he has never really been aware of the glow hidden within him, has he?
Her smile saddens as she gazes out the window, thinking of his cold hand enveloping hers, and her breath hitches with the beginning of a sob.
If she could love him the way she wanted to...
Her eyes blur. She'd teach him that he is so much more than his sharp words; she'd help him learn that he is the greatest boy she's ever known, and that he's only getting started in life, even in death.
She'd tell him that his eyes are like warm, yellow marigolds under golden hour; his hair the down of a raven's feathers, but no— None of that is enough to describe the childish nature he carries, or the way those amber eyes spark like a match lighting up when he's excited.
How can she explain how deeply she craves his callouses against her jaw when they're gone, how much she aches for another one of his endless hugs? How does she...
Her throat convulses in a sob and she collapses against her window sill, her garden blooming even as her heart withers.
I would love you so dearly, it'd kill me, she thinks. The stars blink silently at her.