Chapter Text
Alois could still feel it. Muscles inside stretching, threatening to tear. Bruises and bites and sticky thighs. Salty gunk sliding down his sore throat. Making noise, feigning enjoyment.
He sat up. He'd never get to sleep like this. He pulled a gown over his thin nightshirt and bare legs, padding down the unfamiliar halls in the Phantomhive mansion.
Ciel had taken him in after stabbing him. Claude was long gone. That hurt, and he still called for him at night. Instead, Sebastian would come, with warm milk and honey. He said it was one of Ciel's favourites.
Tonight, Sebastian did not come. Alois followed the lit candles on the wall to Ciel's room. He knocked until Ciel groaned out a tired 'what'.
Alois slipped inside, going to Ciel's bedside. "I couldn't sleep."
"When was that my problem...?" Ciel mumbled sleepily.
Alois huffed. "Let me stay in here with you."
"No, go back to bed..."
"Ciel, I need to be around someone. Please." Alois let a hint of his emotions slip through, quiet desperation.
Ciel cracked an eyelid, watching Alois for a moment.
"...Fine. But we're not cuddling. And don't even think about trying to initiate anything."
"I'm not a whore..." Alois pouted.
Ciel sighed and sat up. "I didn't say that you were. You're just... Flirty, and I'm not used to that. Get in, okay?"
Alois nodded, climbing into bed beside Ciel as the younger boy shuffled over. Ciel laid down, facing Alois. Alois snuggled down into the pillows. The bed smelled like Ciel, instantly calming him. It was nothing like being in his bed.
"I like this."
"Mm?" Ciel mumbled, almost asleep already.
"You're nice and safe. I liked having my own estate and servants, but this is nice too."
Alois knew hugging was a big no, especially in bed, so he gently took Ciel's hand. Ciel bristled, but allowed it.
"I'll be good, I promise. Don't throw me away."
Ciel sighed softly, squeezing Alois' hand.
"You don't have to use sex to make me want to keep you." He ignored Alois' expression at that. "I'm not calling you a whore, Alois. I know what you did to survive, and there's no shame in that. But you don't have to do it here. I don't want to use your body, and I don't want you to feel like you have to."
Alois listened quietly. The memories brought shame.
"You might have to remind me, sometimes..."
"That's okay. You don't have to be perfect straight away. As much as I hate to admit it... It took months for me to recover at all after I was taken. I'm still not normal, and never will be. Some scars don't heal. That's okay."
Alois woke with a start, trembling all over. He could feel the ghost of touch on his body, just a dream but so, so real. He was wet, he noticed. Gross, gross, gross...
He wanted to clean up, before Ciel noticed. He wanted to be calm and leave, have a bath. But his hands were shaking badly, and the phantom touches felt so real. He whined, pressed his hands to his face and just cried.
Ciel sat up quietly. "Alois? I'm here, you're okay..."
Alois sobbed, wanting to reach for him and at the same time, not wanting to dirty him with his tainted body.
"D-don't touch, I'm dirty..." He wailed.
Ciel's expression hardened and he shook his head. "None of that. You are not dirty. Come here."
Alois let Ciel gather him up in his arms, sobbing into him.
"I'm sorry, I made a mess..."
Ciel paused, stroking Alois' hair.
"That sounds like a Sebastian problem, huh? Don't worry about making messes, it's fine. Do you want a bath?"
Alois teared up again. Ciel was being so nice, so accommodating. He nodded shakily.
"Yes, please..."
Alois peeled off his gross clothes and sank into the bathtub, relaxing slightly as the warm water soothed the phantom sensations.
"Will you get in with me?"
Ciel paused. "...No. Maybe some other time."
Alois pouted softly, but didn't push. He was getting to know Ciel, and could recognise Ciel had his own trauma and such going on.
Alois soaked for a while, grateful that Ciel chose to stay by his side, even if he didn't get in. He could hear Sebastian was changing the sheets in the other room.
Ciel still looked tired, having been woken up. He leaned his chin on the tub, and Alois gently rested his hand on Ciel's head. Ciel flinched slightly, eyes opening again, but Alois didn't move. He would've if Ciel pushed him off, but after a few seconds, Ciel hesitantly closed his eyes again, slight trust. Alois broke out in a grin. This was a breakthrough, Ciel trusting him enough to close his eyes and accept touch.
Once he was clean and the bed was made, he and Ciel got back in. Ciel allowed Alois to lay closer than before, but still no hugging. Alois watched him quietly. Black eyelashes over pale cheeks, his dark hair falling over his face, already asleep.
Alois wanted to touch. He watched to run his hands through that hair, kiss those cheeks, feel every inch of Ciel. He knew that would bring Ciel no comfort, however. He tucked his hands under his chin and just watched.