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Buried in the fields under the marigolds (La flor de la vida)

Summary:

Bdubs is no stranger to grief. He's lost people and years of his life to things he couldn't control. He's grieved the people he can't quite remember, and the childhood that was stolen from him.

But now he has a crew, friends that would fight the watchers for him. He travels to new planets and learns new things each day. Bdubs has never felt safer surrounded by his friends.

So why is the grief of the past so heavy now?

This is a continuation from my story Enigma, following Bdubs and his life on Hermit Craft.

Notes:

Fun fact: this was actually inspired by the song Marigolds by Andrea Bejar.

Enjoy ☆

Work Text:

Bdubs is a member of Hermit Craft. A spaceship traveling through the galaxies visiting different planets. Each member serves a purpose, something that makes them unique. 

Bdubs would say his job is to grow plants, but the others have given their own spins on his job. Things like space gardener, or maybe plantexpert. It was funny suggestions that Bdubs let them throw out, but once the phrase astrobotanist was suggested Bdubs immediately had to step in. He's no scientist. He just grows plants. 

His routines are quite simple. He grows plants to sell and to feed the crew with. He learns of new plants as they travel, and he spends a lot of time in what now has become his greenhouse. 

To him, this would have been the ultimate dream. The perfect life he's been looking for. Safety, a place to grow plants with no trouble, and especially no watchers to lookout for. The Hermits had reassured him they'd wiped any trace of his files off of the system of the watchers ship. Bdubs doesn't exist in their system anymore. 

But despite the relief, and the calm that is living aboard the spacecraft, there's still a part of him that he can't silence. Beneath the happiness, the relief of finally feeling safe after so many years on the run, is a grief. 

He is no stranger to that grief. He's lost people and years of his life. He's grieved the hands he can't quite remember, and the childhood that was stolen from him.

He's had to rebuild his life when he escaped the Watchers, and then learn to really live when he joined the hermits. He lived through years, alone, waiting, watching for something to change.

Bdubs hoped, but at the same time he didn't really believe life would change so drastically for him. He was so used to the running, the quick escapes and the hiding away from his problems that he never had time to think.

Now Bdubs is free from the chains, from those that sought to cage him. He's free to feel, to experience, to live. It's incredible. He loves his time aboard the ship. In the mornings Etho is the first to find him if he ever accidentally oversleeps, and the first to pull him up out of his bed.

At mealtimes Tango or Skizz jokes with him and makes sure he eats enough, and are still kind if he ever struggles. Gem and Pearl hangs out with him in the greenhouse, learning tips and tricks on how to care for different types of flowers. Bdubs busies himself with his new life as a hermit and plants crops aboard a ship traveling through space.

Sometimes he spends some time on the deck with Xisuma. The captain is most often aldready there when he arrives, steering the Hermit Craft towards its new destination, their new adventure.

Bdubs sits with him silently, as his eyes trail and follow stars outside the glass. Some visits they talk, or Xisuma tells him stories about old adventures and planets that the Hermit Craft has visited in the past. Bdubs loves those moments the most.

Bdubs hopes they'll visit a lot more incredible planets like those.

Bdubs even tries to pick up a bit of fighting, just the basics. Cleo is happy to teach him, and they make a schedule for it. Bdubs feels pride bloom in his chest once he manages a good jab at Cleo with the wooden sword.

The moment right after he gets flipped onto his back, but he is still smiling widely as Cleo helps him up and pats his back. Bdubs is definitely not as good as the hermits that are training regularly. But he wants to make sure he can help if need be.

He lives, laughs and smiles with everyone. And the HermitCraft continues its gentle cruise through space. Before he knows it he's been a genuine crewmember for over 1 year. It's a celebration Bdubs remembers fully even now a few months later.

The next planet they arrive to is a desert one. Warmth and sand greets him when he steps outside the ship. It's different to any planet he's seen before.

There's not a lot of seeds nor plants for him to aquire on this trip, normally he would've either stayed on the ship or quickly switched to another if he reached a planet like this in the past. His plants can't grow here, and any plants found here wouldn't live off planet, so it would be a waste of his energy to venture.

But since he belongs to a crew he simply follows along the others on their shoppingtrip. While walking through the shops his eyes does find something interesting.

It looks like pieces of colored glass, hanging strung together by some sort of soft silk or string. When the sun hits the glass the light is spread around in beautiful flashes of color. It's lovely.

The smiling woman behind the stall shows him how to spin it, and Bdubs eyes follows the color as it travels across the small shops tent. Supposedly the catcher even catches the light in the glass, making it still glimmer when sun isn't directly hitting it.

Bdubs loves plants, but this time he buys something completely different.

A suncatcher, she calls it. Bdubs has never bought anything just for liking it. It's always just been business, but this is the first things he buys just for himself.

They stick around on the planet for a few days. Once they depart Bdubs hangs the suncatcher in the greenhouse. The light isn't as bright as the real sun close to the planet.

The colors still dance when the ships controlled light hits it, and Bdubs even spins it at one point. Etho also seems curious when he spots it, and so they sit side by side, watching the colors flash around them.

Bdubs is a shapeshifter, a glare, and a hermit. At one point one could've said he was a voidling, but the freckles have faded with time, they're still there but a lot less noticeable. Bdubs isn't really sure why.

He travels to new planets, meets new people, learns new things about plants. Then he learns new things outside his own expertise, things that wouldnt be worth learning while he was on the run. But it's fun nontheless. He lives, laughs, and smiles with everyone.

Part of his shroud symbolizes his closeness to his friends. There's a feather vowen in, a few flowers are types that he normally wouldn't grow, but instead those that Pearl and Gem have worked with.

Around his head is a red band, that originaly belonged to Etho until Bdubs decided it looked a lot cooler as a band. There's a few more hints on his shroud, showing off his friends and family. Bdubs finds happiness in the many family and friends he's acquired.

But beneath the shroud he carries that familiar grief, a grief so dark that the whispy shadows of his skin feels lighter. The grief is deep imbedded in his body, hidden underneath skin and close to his heart.

When Bdubs closes his eyes he reminisces of what was before. Those old memories of familiar whispy hands sometimes visit his dreams. And sometimes the glare that was the first to look at him as an equal visits too. Bdubs carries the memories and he remembers.

The hermits are lovely, Bdubs feels safe with them. Maybe the fact that he's safe is why the grief comes back with such power now. But the most obvious cause is his shroud. The small patch of dark green moss that he was given by the glare hasn't been doing that well recently.

Bdubs wonders if it is because of the planet they've been on was a lot warmer and drier. The moss has began to turn a lighter color closer to brown. It worries him. The hermits doesn't know about it, hasn't noticed the colorchange.

Bdubs's shroud is covered in colors and things, most wouldn't notice a small patch of darker moss, but Bdubs can't see anything other than it right now.

No matter what he's tried so far the patch isn't recovering well. Bdubs stresses over it the rest of the time on the planet, stops going out with the others.

Instead Bdubs pulls up any information on different moss, any small semblance of tips on care is carefully read through. Book after book is brought to his table, page after page marked.

Bdubs spends hours pouring over it, long into the nights. He doesn't know what moss it is, or what planet it comes from. The glare never talked to him, only showed him flashes of what he guesses was its homeplanet. Bdubs knows a lot about plants, but he can't seem to really figure this out.

The hermits worry over his change of routine. He's become known as the first one to bed each night, very particular about his sleep. But now Tango walks past the door to the greenhouse to see the lights still on.

"Bdubs?" He asks, opening the door fully to peek inside. The shapeshifter is sat leaned over in the chair, limbs trembling slightly from the lack of sleep. Once he tilts his head to look Tango spots deep shadows under his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Bdubs blinks, eyes shifting to the clock on the wall. It is well into the night. He blinks and rubs his eyes, finding them to be dry.

"Nothing, sorry, I just forgot the time."

Tango frowns, uncertainty and worry in his red eyes.

"Are you sure?"

Bdubs nods, giving him a weak smile. It doesn't lighten the worry an ounce.

"I'm alright, I'll go to bed now. Thank you, Tango."

"You're welcome." Tango takes a step back and begins walking down the corridor. He never hears if Bdubs leaves the room or not.

2 days later a few of the hermits are gathered in the food area. Skizz and Tango are preparing lunch, while Etho and Grian is keeping them company. Etho has a contemplating look as he seems to stare real intensely out the window.

"What's got your attention?" Grian asks curiously. Etho blinks and turns to look at him.

"Bdubs is acting strange." He says. Tango who is busy stirring a pot spins to stare.

"He was acting strange earlier too, 2 days ago I caught him sitting in the greenhouse in the middle of the night."

Etho furrows his eyebrows, worry etched into his missmatched eyes.

"He wanted to be alone earlier, told me to save some dinner for him..." He mutters. The hermits shift in uncertainty at his answer. Bdubs wanting to be alone? That's unusual.

"Maybe he's sick? A good lunch will probably cheer him up." Skizz says. He makes a plate of food and walks towards the greenhouse. Balancing the plate on one palm he opens the door and peeks inside.

The greenhouse is quiet, no Bdubs in sight. Skizz closes the door and walks down the hall towards his room. Once there the door is closed. Skizz keeps ahold of the plate as he knocks.

"Bdubs? I have some food for you." He calls, the otherside is silent for a moment before there's a few steps. The door is pulled open and Skizz feels his smile strain at the dark eyebags shown underneath Bdubs eyes.

The glare looks drained. Skizz blinks and notices that he has his arms out, so Skizz gently places the plate down in them.

"Thank you, Skizz." Bdubs smiles, but Skizz can just feel the gloom in the air. It makes him shift.

"Of course buddy, and if you're even more hungry just let me know and I'll whip something up for you." Bdubs nods and moves to close the door. Skizz spares a look behind the glare into the room as he moves.

He sees what looks like a half-toutched plate already on the table by a lot of books. The door gets closed and Skizz lowers his shoulders and leaves lest he would knock again. Once he's back the others look at him with curiosity.

"There's definitely something wrong."

--------

Bdubs never shows up for dinner that evening. Tango brings him a plate, and is quick to notice the other plate stacked onto the other on the table, doesn't look like he has touched the other one.

Tango and Skizz are the two that mostly work on providing good food to the other hermits. It worries him seeing the glares lack of hunger. Perhaps it is time to bring it up with Xisuma or maybe Doc?

Etho decides enough is enough when Tango returns and tells them that the plates are untouched. He knocks on the door closer to nighttime.

Right now Bdubs would normally be getting ready for bed. But the tired eyes that peak at him from the half-open door is all Etho needs to know the glare hasn't been wrapping up the day at all.

"Hey, can i come in?" Etho asks, his hands by his sides. Bdubs seems to ponder it but sighs, opening the door fully.

"Yeah, sure." Etho steps inside and his eyes take in the chaos. The room is a mess, books everywhere. Some half-open and have penmarks. There's a lot of papers strewn around the room like someone was in a hurry.

The bed is the only spot that's left alone, but the covers look untouched. Etho sits down on the edge of the bed and Bdubs sits by his side. The glare sways for a moment before he seems to right himself. Ethos eyes travel across the spine of the books closest to him.

Glares: A guide to moss and vines.

Moss gardening, what to do and what to avoid.

Bryology - a guide to moss, liverworts and hornworts.

Etho also feels how humid the room is, has Bdubs changed the environment of the room?

"You've been busy, you missed dinner." Etho says. Bdubs turns to look out, eyes moving across the chaos.

"There's been a lot on my mind, sorry." Etho humms, deep down he's worried. This isn't like Bdubs at all. Sure the shapeshifter and glare can get stuck on something for a while to the point one of the hermits goes and gets him. But this is beyond mere accidental forgetting the time.

"Are you okay?" The question leaves Ethos lips before he realizes. Bdubs blinking eyes stare up at him. Etho swears there's something deep in there, something that is just screaming. Something beyond the usual behaviors and emotions of his friend.

The question itself has stumped Bdubs. He wants to say he's okay. To shrug off the question like before. He's happy go lucky Bdubs.

But he can't.

His cheeks feel wet. The tears are falling from his eyes before he even realizes himself. And as he tries to take a breath he finds it shaky. The realization has the floodgates opening up, and tears come pouring down.

"No, no I'm not okay." He finally says through the tears. He reaches up to try and wipe them away, but new ones simply fill the empty space. It's infuriating how he can't seem to stop them. But it's also freeing to finally let out the grief that's been hanging onto him for days.

Bdubs eyes move up to Ethos. He expects Etho to be awkward, and he almost seems to be. But the most obvious emotion on his eyes is worry.

Ethos arms are suddenly wide open and Bdubs takes the silent invite to hug him immediately. Etho pulls him close without a word, and Bdubs hides his face halfway in the fabric. He wishes he could hide from the world.

"It's dying Etho." He says into his clothes right as a hand begins carding through his hair.

"What is?"

"The moss. The piece that the glare gave me. It's dying and I haven't been able to fix it."

The hand stills in his hair, and Ethos eyes travel down the shroud, finally spotting the light brownish part of the shroud. Etho hadn't seen it before, but now that he's looking he definitely sees the difference.

"Oh Bdubs."

"I've tried literally everything, but it's not getting better and I don't know what to do." Bdubs voice is shaky and his crying is making him gasp out the words between sobs. Bdubs has felt many emotions through his life, but never has he felt such grief.

The moss has been apart of him for so many years, a memory of the glare that was the first one to look at him as a friend. Bdubs has lost things before, but back then as a kid he didn't feel it the same way. He didn't have the time to let out that grief. But it was always there, the memory of the past.

"It's dying, I must've done something wrong." Bdubs is folded half into himself, limbs shaking as Etho holds him. Ethos hand leaves his  hair and he's pulled back for a moment. Bdubs lets out a wordless whine at the distance until he meets Ethos mismatched eyes.

"You're the most incredible person with plants, you know so much about them, I don't believe for a second that it would be your fault." Ethos words are so firm, no room for debate. Bdubs stares at him, and a new wave of tears makes its debut.

And finally Bdubs lets it all out. There's a wail and he realizes after a moment that it's coming from himself. It's a sound of pain, sadness, and just utter grief.

The loss tears through him like a knife, slahing and burning and Bdubs is shriwelling up with the moss. He's unraveling inside. Etho has pulled him close once more, holding him through the storm. Bdubs feels like he is drowning in the grief.

Ethos arms are the one thing holding his head above the surface.

-----

The others must have been informed, because they all act a bit different after this night. They're gentle, in a different way to their usual. Skizz is soft but makes sure he atleast eats a little, and Etho hangs out with him a lot.

To be honest, he isn't ever really alone. The others... try to give him space and show love in their own ways. But Bdubs sees their eyes flick to his shroud at times.

He avoids their eyes when they look up towards him right after. He can't bear to meet their pitying looks, it hurts too much.

Bdubs lets himself feel the grief. He doesn't know what happened to the glare from before. The one that had sat with him, who he learned to communicate with, the whole reason he got to live and pretend to be a mere glare now.

Bdubs has talked to Xisuma about it, and then Doc who himself does have some unfortunate experience with those types of ships. Finding out what happened to that glare years ago with no particular trace to track is like searching for an individual star in multiple galaxies.

So Bdubs had come to the acceptance that it would forever be a mystery to him. But he also hadn't ever thought about the fact that the last piece of it would be something that he could loose.

That once more something he cared for could be taken away from him. The moss dying isn't a sign that says that the glare is, but it takes away the last hope Bdubs has.

The moss shriwels, brown color now obvious in his otherwise green shroud.

Bdubs continues to feel like he himself is wilting along with it.

----

Xisuma asks for him one day. It's almost night, most getting ready for bed by now. Bdubs is confused when someone knocks on his door. Etho had just left beforehand.

Once he finally mustered the energy to open it he finds himself face to face with Impulse. The demon gives him a gentle smile, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Xisuma wants to speak with you. He's up on deck." Bdubs nods wordlessly and watches the demon leave. Bdubs takes a deep breath, pulling his shroud closer around him as he begins walking towards deck.

Is he not pulling his own weight anymore? Maybe Xisuma is kicking him off? He's been slacking on the growing plants-part the last days.

The door to the deck gets closer, and Bdubs opens it before he can back out. Xisuma is alone on deck, standing by the steering as he seems to gently be correcting the course. The door opening has him turning his head.

"Bdubs! Glad you could come." Bdubs steps inside and the door shuts behind him with a soft whoosh.

"What are you doing?" Bdubs asks softly as he approaches. Xisuma reaches up and flicks the switch to make his helmet transparent. He's done it a lot since Bdubs became a member of their crew, and it dawned on him after the third time that the only reason the admin wore it blank before all the time was because he was more or less intruding.

The admins soft eyes stare back at him, cheeks dusted with sparking freckles resembling stars. Bdubs own cheeks have faded with time, but there are still soft marks on his own skin.

His shape-shifting is strange, and he can't really explain it.

"Im correcting our course. Hey, wanna try steering for a bit?" Xisuma asks him.

Bdubs shifts his feet. He's never flown an aircraft before, unless furiously pressing buttons on an escapepod counts. He did kind of crashland that pod too, but he spent the majority of the ride concussed, or probably concussed.

"I don't know how, I'd have no idea what I'm doing." He answers. Xisuma huffs out a small laugh.

"I'll help you, I actually teach all hermits a little so they can step in if need be. It's more or less become the norm by this point."

Bdubs slowly makes his way over, and with a few instructions Bdubs takes the helm. His hands are shaky, unsure and uncoordinated.

He follows Xisumas gentle advice, a little more to the left, gentle pull down. Good, now a little to the right. Bdubs listens, and corrects his motion to the guidance.

He finds himself engulfed in the steering, eyes watching his course. He understands why the captain likes it so much. The stars cruise by as they travel along.

"What planet are we going to next?" Bdubs finds himself asking, seemingly not able to stave off the curiosity. Xisuma smiles, and his hand moves to a screen to pull it up. Infront of them is a planet covered in turquoise.

Bdubs thinks it is water, until Xisuma zooms in and shows a page of information with a few pictures. He realises then that it is plants, a lot of them. Winding trees climbing up in almost twirling motions around eachother. Long blueish green vines and beautiful flowers.

Its breathtaking. It's griefstakingly breathtaking.

It's not the dark green moss and vines from the planet in his mind. But If Bdubs was planning on staying on a planet forever, this very much could've been a contender. The flora seems to thrive in the vegetation, and there's such a massive variety that it has Bdubs wanting to study it all.

"It looks incredible. How far away are we?" He asks.

"About 4 days give or take, want me to send all information on it to you?" Xisuma asks him, Bdubs doesn't even need to think about it.

"Yeah, thanks."

Xisuma guides him in how to lock in the autopilot mode, before he guides him to sit together by the glass overlooking the space around them. Bdubs sits down and his eyes watch the outside.

" You know, we're really happy to have you here with us on the ship. Its been different since you arrived." Bdubs eyes stays on the space and stars. It doesn't matter how many times he sees the view, it still makes him stare in awe all the same. He'll never get tired of it.

"I'm a plantperson, I just grow plants." He says with a small shrug. Xisuma shakes his head.

"You are you, and everyone really enjoys your presence. Im saying that as the captain, but more importantly as a friend."

Bdubs flicks his eyes from the sky and back to the admin.

"I...I see. I like it here too." Bdubs says quietly as his eyes shift to the endless space. Far out his eyes stop at a star, shining brightly amongst the others.

"The others have been worried for you, and to be honest I've been too."

Bdubs blinks at the admins words before he pulls his legs close.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, you've been through a lot."

"Just know that if there ever is anything, any of us would be happy to help. Besides, I've been talking with Doc, him and Ren have been discussing going through old information to gather any information on glares being outside of their homeplanets the last 20 years. It would be a...process. But with time perhaps there'll be something. I don't want to get your hopes up, but I felt it was important to tell you."

The thought that the Hermits would want to go out of their way to try, makes his chest strain. It's an impossible task, to find one lone creature in the vide universe, but the Hermits are nothing if not stubborn.

"Oh."

"It's your choice, you have the decision."

"I don't know, it's been so many years..."

Would he dare to get his hopes up, to try and search for someone that only remains as a memory. Years have passed, Bdubs is not the little kid he was back then.

He doesn't know what happened to the glare, if it was sold, killed, or whatever else could've happened to it. He knows nothing, and it scares him to a degree if there would finally be an answer.

"I need to think about it." Xisuma nods his head.

They sit together for the rest of the night, side by side watching the stars.

---

The next night Bdubs dreams of gentle whispy hands. Guiding him along as they trill. He trills back in response. The hands are then replaced by a pair of hands covered in vines and moss.

The dark green moss feels so familiar and he looks up to the a glare. It watches him intently as it pulls a piece of moss and vines, before it begins weaving into his shroud.

He shakily pulls a piece of his own shroud to weave into the others, his fingers a lot better than before. He's not a little kid anymore.

The glare watches him, and when he finishes it the hands grasp his to squeeze once.

Live, thrive, grow.

Change.

Bdubs blinks as the words hit him. Spoken through their own communication of emotions and flashes. He nods once, and the glare seems content. The area around flashes out of focus, and when Bdubs blinks he finds himself in his bed. A dream?

He sits up, wrapping a hand through his brown and white hair as he tries to recollect the dream. Then he glances down at his shroud and stops. The brown area is completely brown. But underneath-

There's a hint of dark green. He tries to gently peel away part of the old moss, and right there he sees it. There's moss growing from underneath, new moss shouts. Still darkgreen, but parts of it has shifted to a lighter green. Not as light as the rest of Bdubs shroud, but maybe somewhere inbetween in shade.

Change.

Bdubs has changed, he's not the same little shapeshifter that he was in the past. This part of him has always been a part of the past, a past that he's clung too, remembering and grieving. But he has friends, has a spot on a ship and a crew. He's not alone, he's not the same.

Bdubs finds his eyes filled with tears once more. But for once it's not grief in his chest that fuels them. It's acceptance. He can't escape his past, can't escape how his heart yearns for those he's lost. It hurts, but he'll live.

He won't bury the past, but he'll not let it drown him either. It's a new beginning, and that's something he finally embraces wholeheartedly, because he's changed.

-----

Once they arrive at the new planet Bdubs is the first to leave. He isn't quite sure where he is planning on going, and is only thinking that he needs time alone. He excuses himself from the others, and Etho seems like he'll follow until he notices Xisuma shake his head.

The area they've landed is upon a hill. Around them there are a multitude of flowers in different shades of blue and teal. Down the hill is the beginning of a forest. Bdubs takes a moment to breathe in the air before he sets off down the hill.

When he reaches the start of the forest his eyes sweep across the trees. Some are really tall, winding around eachother and reaching up high.

Bdubs stops as he notices a small one. It doesn't look like it is too old, and it'll be many years before it reaches the height of any other trees around. It's a nice spot. 

He stands there a little while, taking innthe nature before he sets off again. The trees are endless, wrapping up and around in these interesting shapes and forms. Slowly his shoulders loosen, and he feels content. 

Bdubs walks alone for a bit more after that, before he turns to return to the others. When he arrives he notices that they're packing out a few items to sell but also bags to carry things back. He helps them with the last few before he finds Etho. 

Bdubs links his arm together with him playfully as they set out. This planet is one Bdubs will spend a lot of money on. Seeds, plants, certain fruits and even berries gets added to his bag.

Etho seems to enjoy watching him spend to his full hearts desire. Maybe Bdubs will regret the amount later, but for now he buys a lot of different types.

There are a few he avoids, since they won't grow well on their ship and also because some are poisonous to certain species in their crew. If Grian or Pearl were to get in contact with one it wouldn't be a happy situation for them all. So Bdubs avoids those entirely.

There's a small stall that really catches his interest. An old woman stands behind the stall and gently smiles to him when he stares at the packs of seeds.

"Caught your interest hun? A memory of the past, these flowers assure you always remember." She says as he reaches to take one and read the back of the pack.

Some flowers has meanings, old sayings of the past. Bdubs knows quite a few, and no matter what species they almost always seem to agree. This one really has caught his interest, maybe because it fits so well.

He reaches into his bag to retrieve his money and when he holds it out the woman reaches out with both her hands to close his hand with the money still in it.

"I know that look dear, the cost is on me."

"Oh no I possibly couldn't just-"

Bdubs stammers as he tries to hand over the money, but the woman firmly refuses. Etho watches the interaction from the side before he gently nudges him. Bdubs sighs and thanks her profusely as they leave.

"What's with the seeds?"

"They're marigolds" Etho hums, eyes looking forward as they dodge people walking past. A few walk carelessly, and so they move out of the way to avoid walking into them.

"They must be special."

"Well...did you know most flowers have meanings?" Etho gives him a raised eyebrow as they continue walking.

"I mean kinda, but only a few."

"Marigolds aren't that universal, but a few species knows of them. They symbolize quite a few things. But for one they mean grief of loosing someone you love, a way to remember those you've lost. But they also mean warmth of the rising sun."

"Oh." Ethos voice softens at that. Bdubs avoids his pitying look to stare ahead. He clutches the seed packet close to him, and their walk is quiet for a while after that.

-----

The time on the planet passes quick, a few days with outings and trading. Bdubs trades a few of his own grown crops too. Before he knows it they're on their last day.

The others have been carrying everything back onto the ship. Meanwhile Bdubs is down the hill, sitting by that small tree. At the bottom of it there's now a small rock placed down.

On the rock rests a fairly big piece of brown moss. It had taken a lot of Bdubs (and a few tears) to gather the courage and remove the entire part from his shroud.

Part of it felt like he was leaving an open wound by doing it, by removing a part that's been with him for so long. But it felt right, in some way. There's a shout from up the hill, where the sleek aircraft proudly rests waiting for its crew.

"Hey Bdubs! Etho says he's gonna steal your snacks!"

Bdubs rolls his eyes at Tangos shout, and the voices shouting at him to let Bdubs be. They've been carefully tiptoeing around him since the night he cried to Etho. Bdubs is tired of it.

He looks back at the rock, taking in the brown moss once more. It rests on the stone, and he's taken to wrap two of his own vines around it to keep it still.

It feels right, leaving a piece of himself here with it. Around him he has planted the seeds, it'll take a few days for anything to begin to show, and by then he'll be long gone. But the flowers will live on their own, Bdubs has read up on the climate and the flowers. They'll thrive here.

He bows his head down, and his own shroud covers his head as he closes his eyes. He doesn't know if that glare is alright, or whether it's even alive. He doesn't know it's name, or the planet it came from. But he remembers, and he'll keep that memory with him.

And despite the memories and the pain, he can't wallow in the past, can't let it pull him beneath the roaring waves that so easily has managed to pull him under time and time again. Bdubs remembers, but he'll not drown. Not anymore.

"Goodbye." He whispers to the air. He receives no answer except a light breeze as he rises up off the ground and leaves. The moss remains spread out on the rock by the small tree.

Bdubs feels lighter as he walks up the hill. At the top waits his family, and he joins them with a wide smile. He boards the ship without looking back, then busies himself in the greenhouse, to not see them lifting off of the ground.

That day the Hermit Craft leaves the planet behind for a new adventure.

Bdubs doesn't know it now, and he never will. But many years later, this part of the forest of the planet will be covered in various shades of green moss.

In the middle there'll be a giant tree with a small rock resting at the foot of it, and around it, a bright field of marigolds spread out. 

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