Chapter Text
1. The Truth - Audiomachine
2. Grey Weather - Gregory and the Hawk
3. I Found (Acoustic) - Amber Run
4. To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
5. The One I Love - David Gray
6. Home - Phillip Phillips
7. Best Day of My Life (Acoustic)
8. A Century is All We Need - Gregory and the Hawk
Written for the Mass Effect Big Bang 2016
Art by Ruby
Beta Agrivex
Everything had changed so quickly. The world had recovered from the shock of the Reaper War and had found new energy. Kaidan watched with amazement as a large truck pulled past him. The infrastructure in Vancouver had been rebuilt with a determination that seemed to say, “We survived and we will live now.”
It was hard to believe that it had only been six months.
Kaidan walked to the corner and stopped at a traffic light, letting more cars and trucks pass in front of him. He looked towards the big Alliance building. A few months before it had been a pile of stone and rubble. The size was impressive. It was the biggest building in rebuilt Vancouver. Beside it, Kaidan spotted cranes that promised the whole complex would grow even larger.
The traffic light switched to green. Kaidan sprinted down the street towards the building. He made his way through the courtyard where various paths directed people to different complexes of the building. The space looked friendly and natural. But the half-grown hedges and trees had only been planted recently. Birds had yet to find their way here.
Kaidan passed two privates who stopped to salute. He was wearing civilian clothing, but he was still Major Alenko, the hero who’d played a vital role in stopping the Reapers. A quick nod acknowledged the salute. Kaidan didn’t slow down. They whispered something behind him. It didn’t matter.
He hurried up a set of stairs and entered the Alliance Military Hospital through two glass doors that reflected the sunlight. It was a mild September morning. Not long and cold fall weather would settle in.
The inside of the building was buzzing with activity. People sat in the waiting area and chatted. Nurses and doctors walked busily through. Every few seconds a name was called. The Alliance Military Hospital was one of the best equipped hospitals on the whole planet. Patients were coming in from everywhere.
Kaidan didn’t stop at the reception desk. A curt nod towards the nurse behind the desk and he was through another set of doors. He stopped in front of the elevator and pushed himself inside when it opened. It was crammed. Someone behind him pressed their elbow into Kaidan’s back and quickly apologized. Glancing behind he saw it was an asari hugging an IV stand. Kaidan stepped to his left to give her more room.
With each floor the elevator cleared more and more. The asari left two floors before him. She shot him a half-smile as she pushed the IV stand in front of her. Kaidan was alone when he reached floor 14. It was quiet, a stark contrast to the noise in the entrance. On one side, big windows filtered the sunlight and made the floor look less like a hospital. Doors led to different rooms on the opposite side.
Kaidan passed the first three doors. A nurse was sorting through medical supplies next to one door and greeted him with a professional smile. Kaidan smiled back and knocked on the door leading to room 1404. He didn’t wait for a reply form the other side and entered the bright and spacious room.
To his surprise, two voices greeted him.
“There he is. Hey, Kaidan!” Shepard was sitting on the bed on the right side of the room. A chair had been pulled up next to the bed. A familiar figure was seated on it.
“Hi there, Kaidan,” Joker greeted him.
Kaidan walked over and leaned down to greet Shepard with a kiss. He went to the table at the other side of the room, dropped his jacket on one chair and pulled another next to Joker’s.
“Wasn’t expecting to see you here, too, Joker,” he said lightly as he sat down.
“Yeah, I had another appointment with Doc Horrible and thought I’d drop by.”
“Does he know you call him that?” Kaidan raised an eyebrow.
“Yup. That’s why he makes sure every injection hurts as much as possible. Never thought I would miss Chakwas.”
“She’s earned her break, though,” Shepard said softly. “And if I know her, she’ll be back on duty in a few weeks anyway.”
“I sure hope so. I desperately need someone to make the right signatures on the right papers. Don’t want to stay grounded forever,” Joker replied.
Joker’s statement was met with silence from Kaidan and Shepard. Neither knew what to say. The probability of Joker being assigned to another ship was low to say the least. They all knew it, but it didn’t mean that Joker would accept it. He showed no obvious signs, but a few doctors had hinted at some form of PTSD. Joker denied and tried to laugh it off with bad humor. But it wasn’t only Kaidan and Shepard who were worried. Kaidan knew that all of their former crew were trying to keep their eye on Joker. Much to Joker’s annoyance.
“What a cheerful visit this turned out to be.” Joker always had a knack for breaking the silence in the worst way.
“Well, I could try some positive news for a change,” Shepard replied.
Kaidan looked up hopefully.
“They say I can finally leave this hellhole at the end of the week.” Shepard smiled. “I still get the pleasure of extensive treatment, but I can spend my free time at, well, home, I guess.” His smile faltered a bit.
They hadn’t talked about what home was now. Or moving in together. Shepard had spent the past six months in a hospital bed. While more and more friends and colleagues had moved from shelters to their own apartments and houses, he had been confined to various, sterile hospital rooms. Shepard has been transferred from the London hospital to Vancouver two months ago. Kaidan had followed and moved into a small one-room apartment, which he only used to sleep in.
Kaidan’s hand reached out for Shepard’s. “That is the best news I’ve heard in a long time.” He had to suppress the urge to pull him into his arms. Later.
Joker agreed by clapping his hands twice. “Now you two just need a decent place to live.”
Kaidan held Shepard’s gaze, smiling brightly. “Yeah. I might just have an idea.”
The next days were stressful. Finding a suitable space for two people close enough to the hospital was hard enough. But it also had to be suitable for Shepard whose hip and spine were far from being healed. Although he could walk without crutches most of the time, he needed enough room to move around.
Kaidan had no idea how they pulled it off. But on Friday morning he found himself standing in front of a small bungalow-style house in South Vancouver. The neighborhood of Kitsilang was almost fully repaired by now. A lot of new houses had sprouted out of the ground there. Kaidan liked the ring of the name. “Yeah, we’re moving to Kits.” It sounded peaceful and happy.
Shepard stood next to him and took in the view. Kaidan had dreamed about this moment for a long time. It had seemed out of reach. But they were finally there.
“Do you like it?” he asked hesitantly.
Shepard smiled and made his way towards the door. His walk was unsure, like he expected his legs to give out under him at any time. Kaidan followed slowly.
The door was unlocked. There was commotion behind it. Shepard stopped and looked at Kaidan confused.
“Well, we aren’t finished with everything yet.” Kaidan shrugged. “I told them to go home. But apparently no one was listening.”
Shepard pushed the door open.
James was carrying a small shelf through the hall, his back to them. Shepard steadied himself against the doorframe and watched silently. Voices echoed through the hallway as James disappeared around a corner.
The hallway was crammed with cartons and furniture that had yet to be placed. Kaidan sighed. There was much work to be done. But for now he was content to be at home with Shepard. He walked up behind him and embraced Shepard, placing his chin on Shepard’s shoulder.
“Do you want to go in?” Kaidan asked.
“Just a minute,” Shepard replied, his voice almost a whisper. “I want to really take this moment in.”
Kaidan kissed Shepard’s cheek. A thump of something heavy hitting the floor, accompanied by a loud shout of pain, came from the direction James had been heading. Laughter followed. James cursed and the laughter increased.
“Maybe we should go in, before they kill themselves.” Kaidan nudged Shepard gently forward.
The latter sighed and nodded. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe that we fought Reapers together.”
Kaidan grinned and let go of Shepard. He stepped into their new home, Shepard now following gingerly behind him.
The hallway was spacious, but with the stuff lying around, walking though was a small challenge. Shepard used Kaidan’s shoulder to steady himself, as he passed a narrow space between two large boxes. They would have to clear this up quickly.
As they picked their way toward the cheerful voices and laughter, Kaidan noted that the bathroom at least was finished. No boxes cluttered the floor stood around. The shelves were fully stocked with towels and soaps. The bedroom on the opposite side would need more work. But the bed was standing.
They turned a corner and entered the big living room. Kaidan held his breath for a second, not sure what type of chaos he would encounter here.
To his relief it was only a Category 3 disaster. The ground was littered with boxes and papers from unwrapped furniture. Empty cans of beer and soft drinks were piled next to food cartons on the table. James was sitting on a chair, holding his foot with an angry frown. At the other end of the room, Samantha and Joker were sitting on a freshly delivered couch, drinking beer.
Steve was the first to notice the new arrivals. He entered from the kitchen carrying an ice pack, and stopped when he saw Kaidan and Shepard. He waved. “Welcome home, Shepard.” Cheers rang from the others.
Shepard hesitated, obviously unsure of what to say or do. But a smile formed on his lips and he walked towards his friends with unsteady steps, accepting their hugs and well wishes.
A few days later, they had settled in. Most boxes had disappeared from the hallway and Kaidan was starting to feel at home. Shepard seemed to feel the same way. He moved with more confidence than he had in the hospital.
This morning Shepard was at the hospital. Kaidan wished he was there with him, but the aura that preceded one of his migraines had pushed him to ask Steve to help instead.
He sat alone at the kitchen counter, sipping coffee halfheartedly. He tried to watch the news broadcasted on the big wall screen. But the picture kept blurring. He focused on the black liquid in front him and listened to the voice of the news anchors.
They spoke about the plans for new colonies and settlements. Kaidan snorted into his mug. Half of Earth was still in ruins, yet they were already trying to claim back their lost colonies. Most of the mass relays had been repaired. There was no reason to wait any longer, the politicians argued.
Kaidan knew they were under pressure. Most civilians were unsatisfied. Large parts of Africa and South America were still not rebuilt, leaving a vast amount of people homeless. The inaction had sparked a protests. Radical groups were crying to be heard, their numbers growing each day. Before the war, xenophobic attitudes against non-humans were common, given the short time that had elapsed since the First Contact War. In the first months following the Reaper War under the heavy impression of united victory, it had seemed xenophobia was a relic of the past. But the mood changed.
There was more to it. One thing Kaidan had come to understand was that the plan for a quick reclamation of lost colonies was a race among the species. The batarians had proven to be especially aggressive, claiming former settlements of turians and humans alike. Kaidan didn’t know where they had gathered the resources so quickly. Relationships between batarian and turians were already tense. Human representatives hadn’t commented on their lost territory so far, as they were probably too overwhelmed by the sudden force of the batarians.
Luckily Canada seemed far from those troubles. Here most people had a home and a job. Vancouver remained the center of human politics, but those storms passed both Kaidan and Shepard, with Shepard focused on healing. If he got better, Kaidan planned to take up a position as a biotic instructor, helping young biotics understand their talents and making sure that something like Jump Zero never happened again. He hadn’t discussed it with Shepard yet. He hoped the latter would find a similar position instead of a spot that would put him in combat again. Shepard could be stubborn.
Kaidan sighed and put the empty cup into the dishwater. He should get some rest. Maybe it would ease the throbbing pain in his head. He wandered over to the couch and, kicking off his shoes, let himself fall onto it. He wrapped an arm over his eyes and was quickly asleep.
He awoke to the front door opening. It was late into the afternoon, the sunlight almost gone. Surprised at having slept so long, Kaidan sat up to see Shepard coming into the living room. He wore a smug grin on his face. Kaidan frowned.
“What’s up? And where is Steve?” he asked, dreading whatever crazy idea Shepard had likely come up with.
“Ah, I sent him home.” Shepard walked over and sat down next to Kaidan, saying nothing more.
“How did go?” Kaidan said into the silence, feeling his patience running thin. He knew that grin all too well. Usually it meant Shepard was planning to ride a thresher maw or have a chat with a Reaper.
“At the hospital you mean?”
Kaidan let out an annoyed huff. “Yes, of course. Or did you have another appointment?”
“The hospital was ok. I mean, I’m doing better and better. Docs pass me around like I am their prized piece of art. But I guess they have every reason to be pleased with themselves.” Shepard laughed and leaned back on the couch. He hadn’t taken off his jacket and shoes.
“You’re pretty late though.” Kaidan pointed at the time on their wall screen.
“Yeah, I did talk Steve into driving me somewhere else.” Shepard searched around in his pocket. His hand stilled when it found what he was looking for, then remained in his jacket, grabbing something Kaidan couldn’t see.
“Listen,” Shepard took a deep breath and suddenly seemed nervous. His grin was gone, replaced by a deep frown. “I wanted to wait with this. Not do this like… like this.” He looked down at his street clothes. “But I don’t want to wait. With our luck and all, another alien superspecies will invade Earth before I get the chance to.”
Kaidan started to say something, but Shepard interrupted him, holding up his other hand.
“No, hear me out, please. This is actually more difficult than I had anticipated.” He took another deep breath. “I love you, Kaidan. And I want to marry you. If you’ll have me, of course. I bought this today.” He produced a small black box from his jacket and handed it to stunned and speechless Kaidan.
Shepard’s hands were shaking. Kaidan wanted to grab them, but he couldn’t open the little box if he did. Dazed, he peeled his eyes from Shepard and opened it. Inside sat a slim silvery ring. There were no stones on it, but it reflected the light in odd way. On second glance, Kaidan saw it was composed of various, interwoven metals. It was beautiful.
Kaidan’s head was spinning. He looked up to see Shepard smiling nervously, fingers fidgeting. Nodding was all Kaidan could do. He wanted to take the ring out of the box, but didn’t trust his hands to do it. Instead he pulled Shepard into his arms in one swift motion, pressing him close. Shepard exhaled and relaxed in Kaidan’s embrace.
Kaidan found his voice again. “That was the lousiest proposal in human history.”
“I know.” Shepard laughed. “But at least I took you by surprise.” He peeled himself out of the embrace and took the box from Kaidan. With shaking hands he put the ring on Kaidan’s finger. It fit perfectly.
“So have you set a date?” Samantha leaned over the game of chess placed on the kitchen counter. Her broad grin announced she would win the match within a few more moves.
“Not yet.” Shepard scratched his head. He tried to figure out his next move. “I think we’ll go for a spring wedding. Winter is so dark and wet.” He moved his knight towards the middle of the board, trying to dodge Samantha’s bishop.
“That’s a bit far off, don’t you think?”
Shepard hadn’t seen Samantha’s rook on the side of the board. It had a straight path to kill his queen. He cursed under his breath and leaned back.
“Let’s call it a draw, ok?”
“No way!” Samantha laughed. She wiped Shepard’s queen with a dramatic move from the field. “Also, checkmate.”
Shepard shook his head. At least he had saved his knight.
“I don’t know why I keep doing this with you, Sam.”
“Because you enjoy getting your ass handed to you once in a while? And also I am a very charming and nice person.” Samantha put the little wooden figures in a small box. She handled them carefully. A chess set that wasn’t just holographic was worth a fortune. She sighed when her task was complete and looked up at Shepard again. “But seriously, why not just go for it right away?”
“Because I want to be able to walk down the aisle by myself without looking like a drunk.” Shepard raised a cup of coffee to his lips. “Plus it is fun to be engaged.”
The door opened and Kaidan came in, still in his warm winter coat. He greeted his betrothed, then started to rid himself of the coat and shoes.
“So, what was this fuss all about?” Shepard called after him.
“I haven’t got slightest idea.” Kaidan entered the kitchen with red cheeks, still a bit out of breath. “Hackett wants me to file some old reports again. Mostly about Horizon. He asked for more details about several missions and granted me the honor of looking through every report until the end of the war to confirm that the information is correct.” Kaidan sighed, exhausted, and slipped onto the seat next to Shepard.
“That is pretty weird,” Samantha said.
“Yeah, and he wouldn’t even let me know why he needed them in the first place. Only that I have until the end of the next week to hand in all the files.”
Shepard let out an annoyed huff. “That is a lot of work. And I mean a lot of work.”
Kaidan shrugged. “He seemed to be pretty on the edge, too. Wouldn’t answer any of my questions, just said it was not my place to question him. Weirdest encounter I’ve ever had with him.”
“Well, maybe they just want to give us some work. Not just pay us for sitting around all day.” Shepard put an arm around Kaidan’s shoulders.
They spent the rest of the evening with another game of chess. This time Samantha wiped Kaidan from the field. When she left in the early evening hours, Shepard had all but forgotten the strange feeling he’d had when Kaidan had told him about Hackett’s request.
Shepard went to sleep early. His meds made him tired. He didn’t notice Kaidan searching through the old reports in the living room with a visible frown.
Two weeks later, the bad feeling returned. An envoy of batarians had arrived for negotiations concerning the habitable planets at the edge on the Terminus Systems. The relays leading there had been repaired. Humans and batarians had both claimed the territories, and few days earlier a batarian cruiser had opened fire on an Alliance transporter. The situation was heating up. The Alliance and two asari ambassadors tried to calm the aggression by calling in a peace council that was to settle the claims of both sides once and for all.
Shepard had been called in to meet Hackett on the same day the batarian envoy arrived. Hackett’s timing surely wasn’t a coincidence. Kaidan had offered to take him over, but Shepard had refused. He wanted to walk and clear his head in the crisp autumn air.
And he didn’t want Kaidan to notice he was worried.
When he arrived at the Alliance HQ, he was panting. His hip was hurting, forcing him to hobble the last few meters to Hackett’s office.
When he entered the office, Hackett was standing behind his desk, handing a cup of coffee to another man who was sitting, legs spread wide, on one of the chairs. Shepard didn’t recognize him. He was about fifty years old and wore an expensive suit, which was ill fitting and creased as if the wearer had used it as a pajama. His attitude towards Hackett seemed casual and the small smile around his lips told the world that he wasn’t taking anything seriously.
Hackett acknowledged Shepard’s arrival with a curd nod and motioned him to the other free chair in front of his desk. The other man yawned and didn’t stand nor extended his greetings.
Shepard sat down hesitantly, trying to find a position that would relieve the pain from his hip. He glanced sideways at the strange man, trying to figure out who he was and why he was here.
“Well, thank you for coming in on such a short notice.” Hackett’s voice interrupted Shepard’s thoughts.
“What’s going on?” The awkward sense that something wasn’t right had multiplied in the last two minutes.
Hackett ignored him.
“Would you like some coffee as well?”
Shepard frowned and shook his head. The strange man took a long sip from his cup.
“Well now.” Hackett sat down and clasped his hands in front of himself on the desk. He seemed calm and oblivious to Shepard’s confusion. “As you know we are in a very difficult situation with the batarians. Something we hadn’t anticipated. They are making threats and have handed over a list of their demands.”
Hackett paused.
“So?” Shepard’s patience was running out. The man next to him didn’t seem bothered.
“One of their demands is that you, Commander, be put on trial for destroying the Alpha Relay. An act which rendered the system uninhabitable. Only then are they willing to negotiate on the habitable planets in the Terminus Systems. They claim that the destruction of the Alpha Relay was nothing short of an attempt at genocide.”
Shepard wanted to ask them if they were serious, but Hackett continued with a matter-of-fact voice.
“We are, of course, denying these accusations. But the batarian voices are growing louder. Others are joining in as well, questioning the occurrences in the Bahak system, especially since it’s remained inaccessible until now. The pressure on the Alliance, and with it on all of humanity, is simply too high. The committee has therefore agreed to admit the charges brought against you by the batarians and handed the case over to the Council. A decision that wasn’t easy, but we have to keep human interests in mind. Besides, the outcome of that trial is open.
“This man here,” Hackett motioned to the stranger, “is Dr. Henry Darrell. He’s a lawyer. One of the best currently out there and an expert in Council law and procedures. He’ll be appointed as your defense attorney.
“You’ll be charged with the destruction of the Alpha Relay, an act of terrorism, and thereby the murder of the 300,000 inhabitants of the Bahak system. The charges will be made official on Friday in a press conference here at Alliance HQ. In one week there will be an official hearing with representatives of the preliminary Council, the Alliance and the batarian ambassadors. The Council will then determine whether they accept the charges or not. It is certain they will. Following this, the Council will appoint four judges who will then appoint a large jury of 250 people of all races and backgrounds. Your attorney as well as the prosecutors can, of course, object to jury members. The judges will determine whether or not those objections will be heard. After all of this is set, we estimate the trial to start in roughly twelve weeks. We cannot estimate how long it will go on. In the end, the jury will decide whether you are guilty. Should they find you guilty, the judges will determine a sentence. This will not be an easy task, as this is an unprecedented case.
“I’d advise you to confer with your attorney right away and discuss a strategy. You should avoid all unnecessary attention and especially not react to any media inquiries. Dr. Darrell here will ensure you are represented in the best way possible. Given the charges, it is not an easy task. But he has our complete trust.
“You will remain in Alliance service for the duration of the trial. After the trial, we will decide if you will be discharged or not.
“I believe that you need some time to adjust to this situation. Dr. Darrell will be here to answer any questions.”
Shepard looked from Hackett over to Darrell. The man’s expression had become more serious, but the outline of a smile was still visible on his face. Shepard’s head was spinning. His mouth was dry and he wasn’t able to say anything.
Darrell pulled a large collection of papers from his bag. “Well then, I think we should get to work right away.”
Three hours later, Shepard was standing in front of the Alliance HQ feeling completely drained. Darrell had hardly given him enough time to sort his thoughts. He had started to question Shepard about every detail from him joining the Alliance up until today. To Shepard’s great irritation, he was using actual pen and paper to make notes, his handwriting seemed like secret code. At first, Shepard had wondered if this was all a joke. But despite his casual and unusual methods, Darrell was serious.
Shepard felt like a stranger standing in front of the big, shining building. He carefully walked down the stairs, holding tightly to the cold metal railing. He wouldn’t be able to get home alone. Slowly he made his way to a bench and almost fell onto it. He wrote a message to Kaidan, asking him to come and pick him up.
Kaidan arrived a few minutes later. He sat down next to Shepard and pulled him close. They sat like this, while Shepard tried to sort his mind and say something, anything to Kaidan. But he couldn’t form any words.
It was Kaidan who broke the silence. “You look like a ghost. Let’s get you home. And then you tell me everything that happened.”
Shepard nodded and let himself be pulled from the bench. He leaned on Kaidan as they made their way to the parking lot.
They were silent during the ride home. When they stopped at a traffic light, Kaidan reached out and squeezed Shepard’s hands. Shepard hadn’t noticed they were shaking.
The long restless night was followed by an early morning sitting over cups of coffee in the kitchen. They were both equally tired, but while Kaidan was angry, Shepard seemed calm and resigned. Kaidan was afraid that Shepard had no more strength left and given up.
The coffee in their cups was cooling. Neither had drunk a drop. Yet the smell of it was reassuring. A bit of calmness among the storm.
Late in the night, Kaidan had tried to contact Liara, who had been busy setting up a new information network. He hoped she would be able to give them some information. But she wasn’t on Earth and communication was slow. Kaidan was sure she would do anything to help them. But waiting for her reply was a cruel task when he felt that their time was running out.
Shepard seemed to be dozing. His eyes were closed and he had stopped stirring his coffee. When the doorbell rang, he looked up startled.
Kaidan slowly walked over to open the door. He easily identified he strange man in front of the door as Darrell, the attorney. Shepard’s description of him matched perfectly.
He looked confused at Kaidan. “Ah, sorry and good morning. I’m here to see Commander Shepard.”
“He’s in the kitchen.” Kaidan moved to the side to let him in.
Darrell entered and stopped in the hallway.
“Through the hall and to the right,” Kaidan said.
Darrell smiled and walked in without taking off his coat.
Kaidan disliked him, although he knew that antagonizing the person responsible for Shepard’s defense was a bad idea. He followed and offered to make more coffee as the attorney spread out a large collection of papers.
Shepard looked at him wearily.
“So now, this is much better. I think we can talk more openly here.” Darrell crooked his head and looked at Kaidan, who was about to sit down at the kitchen counter. “I’m sorry, are you an acquaintance?”
Kaidan stopped in his motion. “Fiancé, actually.” It came out sharper than he intended, but drew a small smile from Shepard.
“Oh, you two are engaged?” Darrell looked confused and searched through his papers. When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he drew out an empty sheet of paper and wrote on it. “I am sorry. This information wasn’t given to me. I was under the impression our dear Commander here was living alone in a gloomy shed at the edge of town.” He laughed. “Oh no, but this is quite useful actually. Here, sign this please, both of you.” He handed over a sheet of paper to Shepard. The latter frowned deeply.
“What is this?” Kaidan asked.
“Ah, just a general confidential and representation juristic blah blah sheet. When you both sign it, it means that Shepard here agrees to share information with you present and so on.”
“Or it says we are about to buy a luxury apartment on Mars for forty million credits.” Shepard signed and handed the paper over the Kaidan. The writing was unreadable.
“Yeah, maybe it also says that. It could cover my bills for quite some time.” Darrell winked. “If you were already spouses, we wouldn’t need this, but an engagement, no matter how romantic the proposal was, doesn’t cover my ass at court.”
Shepard laughed. Lousiest proposal in human history. Kaidan couldn’t suppress his grin. He signed the paper and handed it back to Darrell, who glanced at it.
“Ah, so you’re Major Alenko?”
Kaidan nodded.
“Ok, good.” Darrell scribbled something else on a paper and leafed through some pages until he found what he was looking for. He made a small mark. “So then. Now that this is settled, I guess we can start anew.” His face had become only slightly more serious. “Generally this is all a big pile of bullshit.” Kaidan and Shepard both looked up surprised, but the other man continued on. “The Alliance’s actions are nothing more than a desperate attempt to keep the batarians at bay. Nonetheless it is quite serious. And from what I gathered from the reports that were handed to me, you, Commander, aren’t the most popular face. Concerning the accusations brought against you, it is undeniable that your actions led to the destruction of the Alpha Relay, causing a death toll of 300,000 civilians.”
Shepard flinched.
“However, there are many factors here that give us a fair chance.” Darrell smiled again. “First of all, there will be a jury of 250 people. If we are lucky most of them will think you the savior of the galaxy. Secondly, everyone knows the batarians are assholes. Thirdly, the case they are making is unprecedented. A lot of the procedures have yet to be approved by the Council and a lot of stuff will be made up as we go long. And here we have a good chance. The whole trial can swing either way. The Alliance is aware of it. They don’t want to throw you down the pit, but if it means they have the batarians off their ass, they will do it. On the other hand, if the jury should find you not guilty, there are no more claims the batarians can make. For the Alliance, it looks like they can only win. You, on the other hand, have a quite a lot to lose. I cannot promise you that we’ll win. But I promise you that I’ll try my best to get you out of this mess.
“Now then, let’s go over some more things.” With that, Darrell took up another empty sheet of paper and his pen.
The next hours were a strenuous question and answer session. Darrell wanted to know about everything since Shepard had enlisted in no particular order. From their mission on Noveria to what occurred on Thessia, back to Ferros and Horizon. Kaidan filled the coffee cups several times. He was tired and lost track of the questions.
Darrell didn’t address him, instead directing every question at Shepard. Kaidan noticed how tense Shepard was, often struggling for words or chewing on his lip. He hoped Darrell would give him break soon. He wanted to reach out and put a reassuring hand on Shepard. But he wasn’t sure Darrell would appreciate this sentimental interruption of his session.
A shift in the mood made Kaidan focus again on the ongoing talk between Shepard and Darrell.
“It’s a very inconvenient thing for the Alliance,” Darrell was saying. “They declared you KIA and everything was good. But two years later you suddenly resurfaced. You have never been officially discharged. You see, there is a difference between being killed while in service and being discharged. A very thin line, a couple of words in the legal text, allowing someone who has been declared KIA by mistake to resume their service and receive payment and so on and so on. This is all under the assumption that the person wasn’t actually killed, but had just gone missing during a chaotic fight or whatever. However, with the reports from Cerberus here, you were actually dead. Nothing more than a vacuum-dried corpse. Technically, you never left the service. When the Alpha Relay blew up, it was by an Alliance solider who cooperated with Cerberus. Quite inconvenient and also…”
Shepard interrupted Darrell with a wave of his hand. “Yeah, I get your point. I get it.” He took a deep breath, fighting to keep calm. “Please excuse me a second. I need a break.”
He stood up and walked out of kitchen.
Kaidan set to follow, but Darrell stopped him with a firm grip on Kaidan’s arm. “Just a second please, Major.”
Darrell motioned to the chair and Kaidan sat down again, startled.
“Please allow me to ask, how long have you two been in a relationship?” Darrell readied another empty sheet of paper in front of him.
“What? Why?” Kaidan frowned.
“Your relationship with the Commander. How long?” Darrell’s face was serious.
“About, well, shortly after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel, I think.”
Darrell nodded and made a note. “And your engagement?”
“He asked me two weeks ago.” Kaidan’s thumb played with the ring.
“Alright.” Darrell noted it down. “And how long would you say did you have feelings for the Commander? And he for you?”
“What do you mean?” Confused, Kaidan looked at the attorney.
“I mean that you should be aware of the shitstorm that is going to rain down on the Commander starting with the press conference tomorrow. They will try to throw as much dirt as possible in his general direction. And I need to know about it in advance to counter it.” Darrell held up a report titled Virmire. “This reports states that the Commander came back for you, while leaving Gunnery Chief Williams behind. You don’t need much imagination to come up with a tale of the Commander letting his emotions make the decision and thereby creating a valid argument to challenge every decision he’s ever made.”
Kaidan nodded, understanding. “I am really not sure when I started to have feelings for him.” Kaidan swallowed. “But I think I noticed a change during our mission on Mars maybe? I know that I started to consider it while I was hospitalized on the Citadel.”
“I see. And do you think it was the same for the Commander?”
“I am not sure.” Kaidan shrugged. “I think he truly started to consider it after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel.”
“Ok, thank you.” Darrell kept writing.
“Do you…” Kaidan hesitated. “Do you really think we have a chance? Or were you just trying to calm him?”
“Of course.” Darrell looked up from his notes. “A very good one even. You see, there will be a jury made of people. Actual people who are all happy that they survived the war. They want to rebuild and they want to live. They have no interest to lock up your fiancé. They have all experienced the terror of the Reapers. They know that without the Commander and his early warnings they wouldn’t have stood a chance. We just need to make sure that no one convinces them otherwise.” He winked and made a dismissive gesture with his other hand. “Now go after him please.”
Kaidan didn’t need to be told twice. He darted out of the kitchen, leaving Darrell alone with his heap of papers.
He found Shepard in the bathroom. His face was wet and he was staring into the mirror above the sink. Kaidan grabbed a towel and handed it to Shepard.
“Sorry.” Shepard said into the mirror.
“No need.” Kaidan walked up close and rested his chin on Shepard’s shoulder. The collar of Shepard’s shirt was wet as well.
“No I mean…” Shepard’s hands gripped the sink hand.
“I know what you mean.” Kaidan put his hand over Shepard’s, gently trying to ease the tension. “And there is no need. It is not your fault. You hear me? It is not.”
“Thank you.” Shepard sighed heavily and leaned back against Kaidan.
“Darrell thinks we have a very good chance. He seems to be a good guy.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, despite his unusual methods.” Kaidan let go of Shepard and went through the door. “Come on, let’s see this through.”
Shepard nodded and followed Kaidan back to kitchen, every step heavy on the wooden floor.
Darrell left in the early evening hours. Kaidan was glad to see him out of the door. But at the same time, a strange silence settled into their home. Shepard remained in the kitchen, stone-faced. Kaidan wanted to talk to him, but he had never felt more at a loss for words. The uncertainty of what was to come ate away at him.
He moved through the kitchen quietly and put the dishes away.
“Do you want dinner?” Shepard asked into the silence.
Kaidan shrugged. He wasn’t hungry.
“I think we should have dinner.” Shepard said. “We could just order some.”
Kaidan walked over and put his arm around Shepard’s shoulders. He thought he noticed a slight tremble in Shepard. Before he could think of anything to say, Shepard cut him short.
“I’m sorry, Kaidan.” His voice was a mere whisper.
“No. Don’t say that, no.” Kaidan squeezed his shoulders. “It is not your fault.”
“I thought we could…” Shepard’s voice broke.
“Yeah. Me too, John.”
A normal life. Peace. That’s what they both wanted for each other. And it had started off so well. Shepard had recovered faster than any doctor had anticipated. They had gone through hell together. They had made mistakes, Kaidan above all by not believing Shepard back on Horizon. But they had overcome it. Yet, here they were. Both of them feeling guilty for what was happening, not knowing what to say to each other.
Shepard moved from his chair. “We should make some calls and write some messages. I don’t want any of our friends to hear of this through the news or by a being ambushed by reporters.”
An hour later, Shepard was still in a call with Garrus when a knock on their door startled them both. Kaidan shrugged and waved to Shepard to go on with his call. He hoped it wasn’t Darrell again.
When he opened the door, he found someone else standing there.
“Hey, sorry, I should have called,” Joker said. “But I brought dinner.” He held up a plastic bag and smiled helplessly.
Kaidan smiled and moved to the side to let Joker in. He wondered why Joker had come over without notice. But he wasn’t going to ask. He had a feeling Joker just wanted to make sure they were ok.
Shepard seemed just as surprised to see Joker. He ended his call, promising Garrus to call back.
Together they had dinner. The Chinese food Joker had brought was already cold, but no one seemed to mind. Kaidan hadn’t noticed how hungry he was.
After dinner they sat together in the living room. They didn’t talk about upcoming events. Joker seemed to avoid the topic as much as Kaidan and Shepard did.
The trivial chitchat eased the mood. Shepard was smiling.
Kaidan’s omni-tool blinked with a new message. He read it, eyeing Joker. He quickly typed a reply and sighed.
“Joker,” Kaidan said. “James and Steve are looking for you. Looks like you have them pretty worried.”
“I just went to see you. Jesus, do I need to report everything?” Joker rolled his eyes and leaned back.
“No. But just leave them a small note,” Kaidan suggested carefully.
“How did you even sneak past them?” Shepard smirked. Joker was sharing an apartment with James and Steve. It wasn’t ideal, but James was already scheduled to lead a mission to Horizion in due time. And whether Joker admitted it or not, he did need help.
“I didn’t sneak past them.” Joker grimaced. “I just went out the door. I wasn’t quiet about it. Even dropped my coat two times. Maybe mommy and daddy should hire better babysitters.” He shot Kaidan an annoyed glare.
“I don’t think we would be able to pay them enough to keep up with you.” Shepard winked.
“James says you’re due to bring in breakfast when you come back.” Kaidan shrugged and put his omni-tool aside. “Anyway, how about we watch a movie?”
It was almost midnight. Kaidan didn’t expect them to sleep anytime soon.
In the early morning hours Joker left. Although they offered to drive him over, he insisted on walking. His stubbornness easily matched Shepard’s. They stood in the hallway, watching Joker leave. He had been a welcome distraction.
“Should we try and get some sleep?” Shepard asked.
Kaidan nodded and followed Shepard. Silently they undressed. Kaidan hoped they would be able to find some sleep. Sighing he picked up their clothes and threw them on the pile of laundry.
Shepard was already in bed and eyed him. He proceeded to answer another message on his omni-tool.
“Looks like I missed the appointment my physiotherapist today. She’s asking if everything is alright.” Shepard shrugged. “I’m cancelling the next appointment and telling her to watch the news tomorrow, if she wants to know.”
Kaidan bit his lip and climbed under the blanket.
“Hey, come on.” Shepard nudged Kaidan with his elbow. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Sitting there and looking like that, not saying anything.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that… I don’t know what to say.” Kaidan looked helplessly at Shepard, whose face had an unsettling, haunted look.
“There is nothing you need say.” Shepard moved closer and rested his head close to Kaidan, his breath warm against Kaidan’s neck. “It is what it is. Just let’s not fight over this, ok? We just have to go on. See and wait. We can’t do anything else.”
Kaidan swallowed hard. He turned onto his side and wrapped himself around Shepard. He was tired. Although the sun was slowly rising, illuminating their bedroom, Kaidan said good night and was quickly asleep.
Darrell switched to the newsfeed with dread. Rumors had made it to the press and two reporters were avidly discussing what they suspected would happen when the press conference started.
Darrell wanted to know. He needed to get a feeling for the events, hoping to get a better grasp of the public opinion.
When an older woman in Alliance uniform entered the room, followed by the asari and turian ambassadors, Darrell bit his lip and leaned forward in concentration.
The statement was short, no questions answered. The assembled press audience held their breath and then, as the officials were leaving, started to talk into their cameras, repeating what they just heard and trying to be louder than the person next to them.
Darrell made notes. He noted the way the Alliance woman’s lips had twitched in dismay, the sigh from the asari ambassador, and the two seconds of speechlessness in the audience.
The reporters talked of an unexpected turn of events. Wasn’t Shepard supposed to be their war hero? One was already pointing out Shepard’s past with Cerberus. No one mentioned the batarians. No one made the connection to the political consequences. Or maybe no one was willing to admit them. Yet.
Darrell leaned back and rubbed his temples. It wouldn’t be as easy as he had hoped. There was a lot of work to do.