Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

August was the prettiest month, besides October, of course.

This may have been controversial, but the idea of summer slowly transitioning to fall was beautiful. There was something about it that deemed it so romantic. From scorching hot to cool andrainy. It was truly a dream.

You stepped foot onto campus territory for your second year in Trost University. You weren't from the beautiful, calm town of Trost. You were born and raised in the bustling city of Stohess, a couple hour flight away.

Back home, august was hot and dry. But here in Trost, it was warm, pretty, and relaxing. It was a smaller town, but you found a way to make it a home last year. You hadn't realized how quiet life could be until last year.

Mornings here didn't start with honking horns and traffic. It was just wind and the dull chatter of students walking by to their morning classes. It was peaceful, steady, while at the same time strange and unfamiliar.

You had decided to deliver most of your bags this year, since last year you had to carry pounds and heavy boxes one by one to your dorm room with no help. You sent a quick text to Annie and Hitch that you had arrived to the Reiss Apartments, room 025. You were lucky you were on the first floor.

Annie was your dorm mate from last year. She quickly became friends with Hitch Dreyes, who seemed to adore Annie regardless of her dry dimeanor. Hitch had made a group chat over the summer and asked if you wanted to room with her in an apartment. You and Annie both agreed in no time.

Hitch and Annie both decided to move in together on the same day. So, they officially moved in about two days ago. This unfortunately meant you were last.

When you received your keys from the front desk, you walked outside to find your room. You inserted the key and unlocked the door, walking inside.

Hitch was already sitting n the couch. Sunglasses perched at the top of her pretty little head. She had an iced latte in one hand, and the remove to the TV in the other.

When she heard the door creak open, she looked in your direction and gasped. "Y/N!" She squealed, jumping from the couch and leaping to wrap her arms around you. You were just glad she didn't spill her latte on you as you wrapped your arms around her.

"How was your summer?" She asked, pulling away and inspecting your face, "Any cute boys? Girls? Romance?" She asked, listening off her free hand.

You smiled warmly and shook your head, "Uh, no. I got a job and saved some money, though." You said.

Her expression dropped as she sighed, nose scrunching with distain. "Well, that's not what I wanted to hear." She murmured, walking back to the couch.

You glance around the kitchen and living room area, ignoring her bored reply.

Both areas were very clean, minimally decorated. Hitch's keys were dropped messily on the kitchen counter, all of her charms sprawled out. Annie's were hooked on the wall by the entrance door.

You smiled and plopped down on the couch beside her.

Not even five seconds after, the front door opened again, and you were met with your ex dorm mate, now roommate. Annie looked the same. Same blonde hair in a low ponytail at the nape of her neck. Same dull blue eyes.

She wore a black sports bra and some grey sweatpants. Her skin was slightly damp and her shoulders were tinted red. She had clearly been outside for some time.

You almost thought you saw a small smile on her lips at the sight of you. "Y/n." She said softly. Hitch propped herself up to look at Annie, almost gasping with a smile until she winced at Annie's pitiful, tired expression.

"God, you look awful." Hitch covered a hand over her mouth.

"I was running." Annie sighed, wiping sweat off her brow as she moved to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Hitch didnt reply, turning to the TV, playing Mean Girls.

Annie sat on the opposite end of the couch with her glass in hand as Hitch sighed dramatically, "I'm already over this semester."

You laughed as Annie's brow raised, "Classes haven't even started." Hitch scoffed, slumping deeper into the couch. "I'm still miserable. I haven't been to a party yet. No cute boys spotted. And Y/n had a boring summer."

You slapped her arm playfully. "Hey, it wasn't boring! I was busy." She glared at you from the side, "Yeah. With a job."

"That's responsible." Annie nodded at you.

"That's boring!" Hitch exclaimed.

The three of you remained silent for a moment-but it wasn't uncomfortable.

Mean Girls continued to play quietly as Hitch switched her attention to the movie.

Annie had began to text on her phone. And as you eyed the two of them, your heart felt warm. It was good to be back.

You didn't have many friends back home. And even though these two were your only friends here, you were at peace. It felt close.

"So," You clicked your tongue, turning your body to face Hitch, gathering both of their attention again. "What's the plan for surviving syllbus week? Caffeine and chaos?"

"That," Hitch grinned, pointing a finger at you, "And gossip. We deserve a little chaos after a boring summer."

You could tell Annie was fighting an eye roll at that.

The conversation flowed as it always did. Half teasing, half confessional, mostly you and Hitch going back and forth as Annie commented where she wanted to.

Hitch talked about a boy back home who was thinking about joining the military.

She liked him, even though he was really nerdy and odd. He dropped flowers off at her house once. They hung out a lot. And then he left for camp.

She said she was sad, but they'd still been messaging. She talked about his interest in making the world a better place and fighting for his country.

Annie didn't say much at all when the moment for her to talk came. She mentioned some new excersices, but that was pretty much it. She quickly turned the attention to you.

You shrugged, "Same as always. I found a retail job, though. Gained some money. The city is always nice."

Hitch groaned, "Ugh, you and your city girl propaganda. You're gonna fall in love here in Trost, you know? And you're gonna prove yourself wrong. That small towns are so superior."

"Pass." You faked a yawn, and she playfully smacked your arm.

The three of you lingered there until the sun tilted past the windows, painting the room in streaks of gold. It was like being at home with these two.

Annie went to bed early, and then you followed, and finally you heard the click of Hitch's door closing last.

You laid in your new room quietly, fan blowing cool air around the room. The pink glow-in-the-dark stickers you had stuck on your ceiling while you were decorating winked down at you.

You turned to your side with a heavy sigh.

You closed your eyes. Listening to the white noise of your fan, and fell asleep.

The following weekend went as followed:

- You and Hitch went shopping for new clothes

- You went one one morning run with Annie, decided you thought you were going to die, and never planned on running with her again

- Hitch trying to convince you to go to the bar as you applied for a job at the library cafe on campus. (You didn't go. Hitch almost cried.)

When Monday finally rolled around, you only had one class. Introduction to Philosophy.

You decided to walk to class, zipping up your jacket and pulling up your hood as you plugged in your earbuds.

It was calmly sprinkling outside. The air smelt like wet grass and the overly sugary coffee Hitch made on the counter for you.

Monday mornings in Trost felt too quiet. You had almost forgot what it was like to walk to your classes through the morning dew.

The philosophy seminar met on the third floor of a limestone building that always smelt like old books and candle wax.

You were early-a habit left over from Stohess. Lateness was practicallear buds.

You opened the door to the lecture hall, enthralled by how huge the room was. You found a comfortable spot near the middle, setting your bag down and patting your hair after lowering your hood.

Professor Smith hadn't arrived yet. The room was nearly empty, with just a couple early students sitting by the front.

The room was mostly quiet, a couple students scrolling through the syllabus online, two girls chatting softly in the front. You half listened to someone rant about ethics in media a few seats away from you.

The door creaked open loudly, and that's when you heard him.

His voice was sharp, confident, almost arrogant. He was much taller than the blonde haired boy with thick, black framed glasses he was talking to. Brown hair brushed his shoulders as he adjusted the strap to his backpack.

"I'm just saying," He said to his friend beside him, "If you're only good because you're afraid of being punished, then you're not good at all. You're just scared."

A few heads turned.

He didn't seen to care as he and his little blonde friend sat down a few rows behind you.

You took out one of your earbuds to listen closer. But the door creaked open, and a tall, blue eyed professor walked in. You glanced at the time. 9:30 already.

"All right, everyone, welcome back." He walked to the front of the lecture hall, eyes following as more seats filled up with students. "My name is Professor Smith. I will be teaching your Introductory Philosophy class. I hope to see you all in my criminological perspectives class if you pass this one."

He spoke firmly, loud enough for the entire room to ring with that powerful voice.

"I hope everyone had a good summer. Let's skip the small talk, shall we?" He clapped his hands together and turned to the forest green chalk board behind him.

Old school, you thought.

He picked up a new piece of chalk and wrote one word in big, boldened letters on the board.

Morality.

"Let's start simple." He turned to to face the students again. "What defines morality?"

A few hands went up, some more confident than others.

You opened up a new notebook, writing "morality" on the first page.

Your pen hovered over the underlined word. You wanted to speak-you had thoughts, of course-but your city life had taught you restraint.

Professor Smith glanced at someone behind you and nodded at them.

"Uh..I think morality comes from social experiences." A girl spoke. you continued to doodle on the side of your page. "We stick with what we were taught with growing up. Like...collective rules." She finished.

Smith nodded, "So, learned behavior?"

"Yeah. I mean you're not born knowing right from wrong." She girl added. A few people nodded or murmured in agreement. You pressed your lips together.

The answer was fine. A bit predictable-safe. But it was the first day.

Then, someone in the back murmured something low and dismissive.

Professor Smith's brows furrowed. "Sorry? Did you have something to add, Mr...?"

"Jaeger."

That same, arrogant voice from before.

You finally glanced back.

He was leaning back, his pen moving swiftly between two long fingers. His posture was lazy, yet unflinching. Dull green eyes stared down beneath pretty eyelashes. He looked like he hadn't planned to speak. But he wasn't visibly nervous.

"I just think that answer was bullshit." He added.

His blonde haired friend's jaw dropped as he flashed Jaeger a harsh look. It didn't stop him though. "Go on." Smith straightened.

Jaeger leaned forward, "If morality's something you're taught, it isn't real. Morality can't exist without choice. You can't call someone 'good' if they've never been given the chance to do something terrible."

That got the rooms attention. Your eyes narrowed at him. His expression blank. even the girl who spoke turned in her seat, defensive.

A murmur broke through the hall.

"So, you think people are born good or bad?" Smith's voice cut through the whispers of students.

Jaeger leaned back again, shoulders relaxed as he shrugged carelessly. "I think people are born free. The rest is just someone else's rulebook."

The air felt different, heavier. Like everyone was waiting for someone to argue.

Smith's expression didn't change. "What would you call true morality, then?" He asked, arms crossed.

"Choice." Jaeger said blankly, "The chance to do something terrible and deciding not to."

Your hand twitched-setting your pen down because you almost raised it. You almost challenged him.

But then the moment passed.

Another student raised their hand, offering a vague comment, and the discussion drifted on.

Your words died on your tongue. You kept your eyes forward, pretending to listen instead of repeating the guy's sentence of "I think people are born free."

But when you risked a glance toward the back, you found him watching you.

His eyes were slightly narrowed, fixated, focused, solely on you.

His gaze was steady-not angry or mocking, just curious.

Like he had seen you hesitate and understood exactly why.

You didn't offer an expression. You simply turned your attention back to Smith's voice, pretending you didn't feel the weight of his stare and the hairs on the back of your neck raising.

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By the time Philosophy class ended, your brain felt like static. So much had happened in your first class on the first day. You packed up slowly, pretending to reread your notes-mostly to avoid the possibility of catching those same green eyes again. You didn't. Not that you looked.

Outside, the campus buzzed with morning energy. Students pretended to be organized, the air pretending it wasn't humid after the sun finally came up. You checked your phone. 10:49, enough time to make it to your interview at the library cafe called "Scout's Corner."

The campus cafe was tucked in a corner near the archives of the library. Its windows were fogged slightly from the wet air and the hot expresso machines inside. You read the sign as you walked in, a bell ringing above you.

A tan skinned girl lifted dark eyes at you, her hair tied in a low, short ponytail. The freckles across her face moved as she tilted her head to the side, "Hey, you here for the inertview?" She asked.

You blinked. She wasn't at all who you were expecting to see. Sharp eyes, short hair, apron slightly crooked.

"Ymir?"

She smirked, as if she had actually seen you now. "No way." She wiped her hands, "The city girl herself. You're crazy going from city girl to country club, you know that?"

You hadn't seen her since last year, the beginning week.

You came here to cram sometimes, and she was often gracious enough to give you a free coffee before close. She had a preppy little girlfriend, Historia-if you remembered correctly- who nagged at Ymir to be kinder to you.

"You still work here." You noted, walking closer to the counter. She shrugged, "Yeah, I run this joint." She spoke dryly, slinging a towel over her shoulder, "Or at least, I pretend to. You applying for retail on the books or barista?" She asked.

"Whatever you're desperate for."

Ymir sighed, "Whatever the big boss says." She nodded toward the back, "Interview's with Nanaba. She's in the back. Try not to look like you hate this place as you walk in." You gave a small laugh. "I don't hate it here."

Ymir leaned forward on the counter, raising an eyebrow. "Come on. You're from Stohess. You people are often angry and impatient."

You simply shrugged. "I think I'm light enough." Ymir only smiled while shaking her head.

Before she could say anything else, a calm, short haired ash blonde woman came out, clipboard in hand. "You must be Y/n?" She asked.

You straightened, "Yes, ma'am."

Nanaba waved a hand. "None of that. We're not that kind of establishment."

You stifled a laugh.

The interview went smoothly. Nanaba was a simple woman. You explained your past work experiences, work ethics, your availability, and familiarity with late closing nights. She wrote quietly, nodding along as you spoke.

She told you she'd be in touch soon, and Ymir waved you goodbye as you stepped out.

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You had two classes on Tuesday, both morning, ending around 1pm.

You were halfway through reading your notes when your phone buzzed across the desk.

Nanaba (work): I know this is short notice, but one of my closers called out. Any chance you can come in and help Ymir close tonight?

You hesitated before picking up your phone, thumb hovering over the keyboard before you replied

You: Sure. Be there in 30.

Nanaba sent back a thumbs up.

You didn't mind. The cafe had a sort of silence you enjoyed, which was rare. You packed up some of your homework and slung your backpack over your shoulders, walking to Scouts Corner as the sun slowly began to set.

When you arrived, the sign outside was still glowing faintly.

Inside, hummed the warm espresso machine, Ymir was behind the counter, sleeves rolled up, looking far too entertained on her phone.

She glanced up when the bell chimed. "Well, look who showed."

"Don't sound so surprised." You said, grabbing an apron from the hook as you rounded behind the counter.

"I'm not surprised." Ymir smirked, "Just impressed. Most people run when they realize they're gonna be stuck here past ten."

"Maybe I like the quiet." You shrugged, looking through your messages with Nanaba for your membership code to clock in on the main computer.

Ymir leaned on the counter behind you, arms crossed. "Yeah, sure. Cause you look like the quiet type." You give her a pointed look over your shoulder when the bell chimed again.

You and Ymir glanced over. You recognized the ash brown haired boy that walked in.

He was definitely in a class of yours from last semester.

"What's up, Kristen?" Ymir asked smoothly. He smiled warmly at her. "Hey, Ymir."

Then his eyes trailed to you. They narrowed slightly, as if trying to figure out where he knew you from.

"You're the guy who argued with Professor about comma splices." You said to him.

He blinked, like it took him a moment to register when that was.

Then he groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "Don't remind me." Ymir snorted beside you. "That class nearly killed me." He sighed. "You are...uh..sorry, I forgot your name." He winced.

"Y/n." You replied shortly. He snapped as he nodded, "Right. Y/n. I'm Jean." Ymir leaned an elbow on the counter.

"You two know each other?" She asked, eyebrow raised. "Ah, yeah, we had a class together." Jean explained. Ymir hummed in response.

"Y/n over here impressed the professor and made everyone look bad with her perfect essay formatting." Jean crossed his arms. You rolled your eyes, "Sorry for knowing how to use MLA." Ymir whistled.

Jean ordered a medium hot mocha, and the shift passed easily after that.

Not many customers came in that night, just a few studying in the back corner.

Ymir taught you how to wipe down machines, and Jean hung around longer than he needed to. He claimed he had "nothing better to do."

The three of you fell into easy conversations. They were sarcastic, light, unplanned. Jean threw away his empty cup and hour later, sitting on a stool again.

By the time the cafe closed, and you locked the front doors, the moon was high in the sky and warm lamplight filled the streets and sidewalks.

"Hey." Jean called out as you were taking off your apron, Ymir clocking out and holding the back door open for you two. "What classes you got tomorrow?" Jean asked as you were clocking out.

"Uh, Intro to Philosophy at 9:30." You said without thinking, walking outside into the fresh air. Jean followed, "Oh, Jaeger's in that one." You recognized the name instantly.

Your mind raced back to those determined, stormy eyes. "You know him?"

Jean shrugged casually. "Yeah. Knew him in high school. His friend, Armin's, my buddy." He explained. You nodded slowly. "That guy hasn't changed one bit." Ymir added. You wondered how they all knew each other. How they all knew him.

"Well," Jean disagreed. "I mean, he still thinks every rule in life is a personal insult. But he's changed."

Jean's eyes suddenly go distant, as if he's thinking about something that happened years ago. "Eren's changed." Jean repeated.

Ymir's eyes narrowed, and a white SUV pulled up. The window rolled down, and a pretty blonde with long hair and glitter on her eyelids grinned.

"You're late." Ymir teased, walking up to the window and pressing a soft kiss to the girls glossy lips. Historia, you remembered.

Jean waved a hand at her as she smiled at him. "Sorry. I got caught up with studies." Historia glanced at you, blue eyes twinkling. "Ah, you're the new hire. Y/n?" You nodded, "That'd be me."

Historia looked at Ymir fondly, "Ymir's told me about you." You stuff your hands in your pockets. "Good things, I hope."

"Mostly," Historia smiles. Ymir smirks, looking back at you and Jean. "Welcome back party tomorrow night, you two coming?" She tilted her head.

You and Jean shared a glance.

"It's a Wednesday." You said. Ymir only shrugged, "A party's a party."

"C'mon." Jean nudges your shoulder with his own slightly. "You can't hide behind a coffee counter forever." You can't help but smile.

Historia chimed in, eyes bright, "Yeah, Jean's right. It'll be fun!" You sighed loudly as you nodded in defeat. "Alright. I'll go."

Ymir nodded slowly as she rounded the car, getting into the passenger seat. "Sick. Well, see you two, then!" She waved as Historia drove them off.

"Well, goodnight." You said, beginning the walk off when Jean stops you. "Hey-did you walk? I can give you a ride." He offered.

"Oh, I don't live far."

Jean grabs his keys and unlocks his car. It beeps in the empty parking lot. "Just get in. It's late." He walks toward his car. You didn't argue, you just followed behind him.

The ride was quiet at first. The only sounds in the air being the AC and the soft hum of the engine.

Jean glances at you now and then, one hand on the wheel.

"You actually gonna go tomorrow?" He asked, "You seem so...non party girl." He scratches the back of his neck. You shrugged. "It's no big deal. Like Ymir said, a party's a party."

Jean smiled at that. "Guess that's true."

He rounds your apartment and stops at the front. "Thanks for the ride." You say, unbuckling your seatbelt.

"Anytime." He replies smoothly, watching you get out of the car. He rolls the window down as you close the door.

"See you tomorrow?" He asked. You nodded once, offering a polite smile. "See you tomorrow."

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Chapter Text

Morning light filtered through the cracks in your curtains, casting soft stripes of light across your sheets. You stirred in your sleep, rolling over. The alarm on your phone buzzed, right on time. You sighed.

You reached over and silenced it, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

When you decided you were awake enough, you began checking your notifications. You had a new follow request on Instagram, along with a text from Nanaba with your schedule. You only worked a couple of hours this week. You opened the follow request.

jean.kstn requested to follow you

You smiled despite yourself, accepting it and seeing that he requested to message you.

jean.kstn: Had fun last night! See you tomorrow ;)

You tossed your phone aside, still smiling faintly as you made your way to the bathroom to get ready.

The floor was cold before you tucked your socks on. You decided to wear a black undersleeve atop an old band t-shirt you had over a pair of blue jeans.

The living room smelled like coffee and rain from the night before. You watched Hitch pour milk and sugar into two mugs of coffee.

You settled on a stool at the kitchen island and looked out of the main window.

The streets were slow, calm, and a few students were walking by with umbrellas. It was always raining here in Trost.

Back home, mornings were rushed. All noise. Here, you could actually hear the birds chirp outside.

"You gonna eat breakfast?" Hitch asked, sliding your sugary coffee to you over the island. "Define breakfast?" You lifted the mug to your lips, eyeing her over the rim.

Hitch gives you a blank stare. "Coffee doesn't count."

"Then no."

Hitch sighed dramatically. "Annie and I are gonna get breakfast before we leave. You're coming." She points a finger at you.

You glance at the time. 8:37. You had some time before your 9:30.

Annie came out of her room with her backpack over her shoulders. She grabbed her keys, even though we'd walk to the dining hall.

Hitch poured her coffee into a to-go cup, and offered to do the same for you, even though you'd already drunk half of yours. You let her.

The three of you walked out of your apartment together and onto the wet pavement of the sidewalk to campus.

"So, you guys know there's a party tonight?" You asked.

Annie's eyes lifted to meet yours.

"Oh, yeah! Welcome back party!" Hitch exclaimed. "I forgot. I went last year."

You shrugged, "Well, Ymir and Historia invited me. I work with Ymir."

Hitch nodded on. "Right. I forgot she works as a barista. She doesn't even go to college here. She's only here to be close to her girlfriend."

"Cute," Annie muttered.

Hitch turned to face her. "Are you gonna come?" Hitch asked. Annie only shrugged in response.

There was a moment of silence before you asked, "Do you guys know Jean Kirsten?"

Hitch gasped, snapping her neck to look at you again. "Jean Kirstein?" Annie nodded, "Yeah. We know him."

"He gave me a ride home last night." You said, looking down at your feet.

The soles of your shoes dripped with rainwater.

Hitch gasped. "Y/n, oh my god."

You pointed a finger at Hitch, "Don't start. He was just being nice. He just happened to get coffee and waited around until close talking with Ymir and me." You mumbled out.

Hitch almost laughed. "Happened to be there? Jean is the type of guy to wait in his car pretending he just arrived." She waved a hand at you. Annie looks up, deadpan. "She's right."

"Whatever." You shook your head.

As you entered the dining hall, the quiet walk and cool outdoor air turned into loud student conversations and the smell of breakfast. You settled on pancakes, a cup of fruit, and hash browns.

"So, what did he say?" Hitch asked as you sat down at a small circular table. "Did he flirt? Did he compliment you? Did he—"

"—Drove me home and dropped me off. That was it."

Hitch makes a face. "Lame. He's kinda cute. He should've at least asked for your number."

"He has my Instagram." You took a bite out of a cherry. That earned you a knowing look from both Annie and Hitch.

"Guys like him don't do one nice thing and disappear forever. He'll text you again." Annie said, voice even.

Hitch giggled in her seat. "Especially not Jean. He'll definitely ask you out if he's going to the party."

You roll your eyes.

"Would you?" Hitch leaned forward, chewing pancake.

"Would I what?" You glanced between the two of them

"Go on a date with him." Hitch says.

You hesitated, fork in the air as you moved to grab another piece of fruit. "I don't know."

Hitch leaned back. "You should! I can help you pick out what to wear." Annie nods, finishing her plate.

"You're evil." You smiled at Hitch, shaking your head at her.

She only grins and flips her hair behind her ear. "I'm helpful." She said innocently.

You knew she was anything but.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Walking into Professor Smith's lecture hall smelled like chalk dust and black coffee. The room was dimmer than it was on Monday.

You sat in the same seat. Students began to fill the hall, and you caught Eren Jaeger. He walked in with his friend, Armin, if you recall your conversation with Jean.

This time, they sat one row in front of you, a couple of seats away.

When you squinted, you caught pen ink smudged over Eren's fingers, his notebook pages messy.

Today, his hair was tied up. You noted the little bun on the back of his neck.

Smith walked in, putting his laptop and a thick book down on his desk.

"Alright, everyone. Before I get into the lecture, I want to talk about a project I'm sure many of you have seen on the syllabus. I talked a bit about this yesterday, but today you will get your assigned pair." He said. The class went quiet.

"The semester-long partner project. This will count for 40 percent of your final grade. So take it seriously." Smith glanced around the room.

Eren shifted in his seat. You pretended not to notice.

"You will be asked to write a paper on your opinion on our monthly task. This month, morality. The next, humanity. The final, freedom." Smith continued, "You will build a thesis, swap papers, and analyze the thesis of your partner. Then you will create a paper based on what you have learned from each other and if your opinions have changed." He lets that sink in.

You groaned internally.

Knowing your luck, you'd be paired with an idiot who probably had no idea what they were talking about. That or you'd be paired with Eren Jaeger. The perfect rival to your own opinions.

You were only half listening as your eyes wandered to Eren. He was spinning his pen between two fingers again.

Smith began reading the list of pre-assigned partners out loud, his voice echoed faintly in the room. "Blenheim and Reeves...Moore and Driess....L/n and Jaeger..."

Your stomach flipped. Smith's voice drowned out. Eren's head lifted slightly, his head turned, and his eyes found yours—not annoyed, not surprised, just steady. You were surprised he knew your name.

His pen stopped tapping.

Smith finished with the last few names, and you couldn't help but think...guess fate's got a sense of humor.

You glanced forward again, even though Eren's gaze was still there. Steadily watching, like he was already trying to figure you out.

When class ended, and students were packing up, Smith called out. "Your first meeting with your partner should happen by Friday. I expect a working topic by next week."

As you slid your notebook into your backpack, a shadow fell over your desk.

"Guess we're stuck with each other then," Eren says lowly. His voice had that same quiet edge from Monday—half sarcasm, half sincerity.

You met his eyes for a second too long.

"Looks like it." You breathed, avoiding his gaze as you slung your backpack over your shoulders. God, you hated how gorgeous he was.

He gives a faint, almost amused smile. "Hope you're better at philosophy than small talk."

And before you had the chance to answer, Eren was walking away—leaving you to stare at the empty doorway, heart doing something it probably shouldn't.

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Hitch's bedroom was a wreck.

Dresses and jeans and glitter were thrown all over her carpet floor. A curling iron hissed on her vanity.

Annie leans onto the vanity as she fixes her mascara. Hitch, half-dressed, held up two dresses. One red, glittery, with a low square cut corset top. The other, was black and silky, flowy with black lace and a tight center.

"Okay," She sighed, "Red or black? One says 'I'm fun' and the other says 'I'll totally ruin your life, but you'll thank me later.'"

Annie, without looking up murmured, "So...both?"

You snorted from where you applied eyeliner on the floor in front of Hitch's body mirror.

Hitch groaned, dropping her arms and clutching the dresses tighter. "Ugh. You're so annoying. I ask for feedback and I get philosophy."

You glance up at that word.

She tosses the black one onto her bed dramatically and holds the red one up to her body, looking into her body-length mirror from behind you.

"You're going to change your mind three more times anyway." Annie murmured, applying her deep maroon lip liner.

You nodded in agreement, dusting highlighter on your face.

Hitch turned to face Annie, "That's called exploring my options."

Annie smirked slightly.

There was a small pause. The sound of makeup brushes tapping against the vanity, Hitch shuffling in and out of dress options. The song playing on Hitch's phone switched to something by Doja Cat. Hitch hummed along.

"I got partnered with Eren for my semester-long philosophy project." You murmured, causing Hitch and Annie to both stop and turn their heads to look at you.

"What?" Annie's eyes narrowed. "THE Eren Jaeger?" Hitch gasped.

"Yeah." You faced them. "He thinks I'm bad at small talk." You closed the highlighter you held.

Annie snorted, "You are."

You shot her a glare.

"You have plenty of other charms, girl." Hitch smiled, turning back to her mirror. "Besides, Eren has this broody personality now. He used to be really fun." She rambled, "Like—getting into fights during school and beating up people who bullied Armin. He used to sing, too. Had some stupid band with Jean and Armin. Even though Eren and Jean never got along—"

"That's enough Edgelord Eren talk." Annie sighed.

You laughed in response as Hitch huffed, murmuring a gentle, "Jeez, okay." Under her breath.

Another brief pause before Hitch added. "Jean is cuter anyway."

"Okay." You rolled your eyes, standing and exiting the room, going to grab your frat shoes.

Meanwhile, Hitch watched Annie through her mirror. "You think anything is gonna happen between Y/n and Jean?" She asked slowly.

Annie looked at Hitch, "What do you mean?"

Hitch shrugged, fixing her bangs. "I mean...he drove her home. That's basically a prequel to something, right?"

Annie looked back at her reflection. "You know how he is. It'll probably be nothing." She shrugged, "Besides, Y/n is too serious for someone like him."

Hitch hummed in reply. It looked like she decided on the red dress, because she tied a small black scarf around her neck and some gold cuffs around her wrists.

Annie stood and exited Hitch's room to enter her own. Hitch followed, of course.

Annie grabbed her black boots and sat on her bed, zipping them up—while Hitch walked over to Annie's closet, shuffling through her clothes.

Annie looked up without moving her head, "Don't touch my clothes."

"Relax," Hitch continued, "I'm just looking."

A pause.

"And why do you have five identical white tops..?" Hitch scrunched her nose as she pulled one off the rack to show Annie, as if she didn't own them.

Annie only shrugged, "It matches with everything." Hitch hung it back up, shaking her head.

She turns around, hands on her hips as Annie stands, arms crossed and clearly preparing for whatever she's about to say.

"Here's my theory—" Hitch started.

"Here we go." Annie muttered.

"—Y/n and Jean are going to have a slow-burn friends-to-lovers. You know, mutual pining, accidental touching, a drive home that feels like a movie trailer." She clutched her hands together and brought them to her chest, swaying side to side dramatically.

Annie gave her a pointed look. "You're projecting."

Hitch stopped, frowning.

Annie walked forward to wipe away a smudge of mascara on Hitch's cheekbone.

Hitch studied her, eyes glittering. "So.." She took a nervous step back, "Are you bringing anyone?"

Annie's brows furrowed. "No."

"Not even a maybe?"

"No."

Hitch put her hands on Annie's shoulders. "You're helpless! You'll die mysterious and beautiful. And I'll give a dramatic speech at your funeral."

Annie looked down at Hitch's red dress, ignoring her past comment.

"Keep that one." She said flatly. Hitch hesitated before speaking. "Okay.."

You walked into Annie's clean room, fully ready. You wore a lacy, cherry red top and a cute little mini skirt. You paired that with tights, your frat converse, and an old leather jacket you couldn't be too upset about losing.

Annie took your outfit in, "You look cute." At the same time as Hitch smiled, "We were just talking about you."

You smiled at Annie in thanks and turned back to Hitch. "Should I be concerned?" You asked.

Annie grabbed Hitch's purse, handing it to her as she shuffled everyone out.

"Always." Annie replied, grabbing her keys. Your head snapped back to look at Hitch.

"Don't listen to her!" She waved a hand in the air, "It was about you and Jean boy~." She wiggled her brows.

You groaned softly, "Not this again."

"It was cinematic!"

"It was a kind gesture."

Annie watched as Hitch pulled out a travel-sized can of hairspray and sprayed her bangs as you applied lip gloss.

Hitch began talking about who might be there, who she thinks will ask for her number, and your laughter mixes with hers.

Annie simply waited as the two of you finished before you exited your apartment, making way to Annie's car.

You were lucky she was the DD for tonight. Though Annie didn't drink much at all. Hitch was who you were concerned about.

You piled into the car, Hitch in the passenger seat as she connected the aux cord to her phone. She asked what you wanted to listen to, ignored your request, and played Lady Gaga. You only laughed, singing along to the song together.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

You hear the bass before you even pull up to the frat house. It was loud enough to rattle your bones, to thicken the air.

Annie pulled up one street away from the house, and before you could open the door, Hitch held up mini buzz ball shot bottles.

"Come on." She glared at you, "We didn't pregame."

She handed you the cherry flavor, Annie the blue raspberry, and she kept the strawberry flavor to herself.

Annie shook her head, "I can't drink."

Hitch frowned. "Come on. You'll sober up in three hours. It's just to loosen the nerves."

Annie watched Hitch closely.

A long pause.

Then, she sighed and unscrewed the lid.

Hitch cheered as she unscrewed her lid, and you did the same.

The three of you downed the buzzball shot. Man, it was pretty good, too.

"Okay." Hitch shook her head, grinning, "Let's go."

The three of you climbed out of the car, walking through the chilly night air to the loud house with flashing lights. The air smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, cheap beer, and sweet yet sweaty perfume.

Hitch pulled open the door, passing college kids passed out on the front lawn like she was used to the sight.

You tried not to wince as you passed a couple eating off each other's faces. You could never imagine kissing someone like that.

Inside, the living room was packed. The lights were colorful, flashing in the main living room as students danced and sang, and drank. 

Hitch suddenly grabbed both of your wrists and pulled you in. "Come on! If we stand by the doorway, people are gonna think we're judging them."

"We are." Annie deadpans.

"Yeah, but like...with style."

You laughed at that, the sound of it getting lost in the music.

It's warm. Too warm. You peel off your coat, leaving it on a hook beside the door. You, Annie, and Hitch moved inside the house, hands clasped together so you didn't lose each other.

You finally made it to the half-empty kitchen. There were a few coolers, and Hitch went to fetch a drink.

You glanced around, scanning the area out of habit more than curiosity. And then you see the one, the only;

Jean Kirstein.

He was leaning against a counter, beer in one hand, laughing at something a tall, nearly bald boy had said. His mullet is mussed, messy enough to look attractive, his collar unbuttoned just enough to look like he didn't try, even though you knew he did.

When he spotted you, it was immediate. The kind of moment that made the world feel like it was on pause.

You felt nervous.

Hot.

His smile flickered wider as he nudged his friend, saying something you can't hear, and then started walking over.

Hitch came back with a red solo cup in hand and she spotted Jean instantly. "Uh-oh. Code super sexy stallion, act natural." She grinned against the rim of her cup.

You rolled your eyes as Jean finally stood before you.

"Hey! You made it." He smiled warmly.

You shrugged. "Yeah. I was convinced."

Jean's smile widened, "Well, you look different. I mean—in a good way, of course." He rambled.

You smiled nervously. "Thanks. That's usually what people say when they mean they didn't recognize me."

Jean froze, eyes stunned before he stuttered out, "Oh? No. It's not that. It's just—" He searches for the right word, licking his lips, "You look nice."

You felt a flush rise on your face. From the heat or the compliment? You didn't know.

"Alright, well," Hitch circled her arm around Annie's. "We're gonna...go over there." She winked at you, and they disappeared into the crowd before you could protest.

Some friends they were.

Jean watched them leave for a moment before he asked, "So, you like the library cafe job?"

You nodded. "Ah, yeah. It's nice. Calm. And Ymir works there. She's fun." You pressed your lips together.

"Ah, Ymir." Jean sighed, tilting his head up as if reminiscing, "She used to steal everyone's pens in high school."

You laughed at that. "Sounds like her."

It felt easy, talking to Jean. No subtext, no tension, just two people trying to exist in the chaos of a college party in the middle of the first week.

Jean's bald friend came up, slapping a hand to Jean's back. "Hey, man." Then he glanced down at you. "You must be Y/n?" He asked, Jean shot him a look.

Before you could reply, a girl holding a peach-flavored twisted tea stumbled into Connie.

She laughed and grabbed his shoulder for support. "Connie, you missed it!" She gasped, "Mikasa actually chugged a cup of jungle juice! Straight faced. Like...no reaction at all. Ugh, she's so cool!" Her chestnut-colored ponytail swung widely as she pushed her bangs from her eyes.

Then, she looked at you. Truly looked at you. "Hey, new face! Or..wait..have I seen you around..?"

You looked between her and the bald guy. "Ah, I mean I'm a sophomore, so.." You trailed off.

"Ohhhh." She squinted at you. "We had a class together like...last..semester? Your notes were always awesome. You also actually asked questions after class." She noted.

You smiled sheepishly.

The bald guy, Connie, whistled. "Damn. So you're a good student."

"Nothing wrong with being responsible, Connie." Jean slapped a hand to Connie's chest.

"Yeah, right." Connie replied, "Like you're one to talk."

Jean rolled his eyes and pointed at his two friends. "This here's Connie Springer. Drunkie over there is Sasha Braus."

"I'm not drunk!" Sasha exclaims. Then she tugged at Connie's arm. "You think I can shotgun faster than you?"

Connie laughed. "No way!" He leaned his head back. "I totally can." Sasha gave him a look that read, obviously, all over it.

Connie walked over to a cooler and grabbed a twea. "You're so on."

Jean shook his head and turned his attention back to you. "They're idiots." He said.

You nodded along, "They seem fun."

"They are. They're just also..idiots." He added.

And then, between the pull of loud songs, something in the air shifted. Maybe you felt the door creak open from the floor, or maybe you're just psychic. Because when you glance over, you spot a familiar stormy-eyed boy.

You spotted Eren across the room, leaning on the banister that led up the stairs, a drink in his hand.

His hair was tied back loosely, dark hair that fell from the bun at the nape of his neck framing the sides of his face perfectly.

His eyes scanned the crowd, as if he could feel you watching him. His gaze was blank, bored—until they landed on you.

It's a small moment, almost nothing. But you could feel that glare of recognition.

Jean noticed it too. Following your gaze, his expression flickered.d Quick and unreadable. "You know Jaeger?"

"Yeah. From class." You replied, eyes still locked with Eren's.

Jean hummed in reply.

At first, Eren's eyes lingered on you. Then they trailed to Jean standing tall beside you. He looked away, slow. Another song picks up, and it snapped you out of your short daze. You glanced up at Jean.

"You wanna go outside?" Jean asked, "It's loud in here."

You hesitate, a second too long before nodding.

As you followed him through the sea of noise and neon lights, you glanced back. Eren wasn't where he was before. But you couldn't shake the feeling that Eren's eyes followed you all the way to the door.

When you made it outside, there was a group of people sitting in a circle.

Jean glanced down at you, nodding in their direction. You nodded to him in return and made your way to sit with everyone at the circle.

Hitch, sitting next to Annie, waved you over. You sat beside her and Jean sat beside you.

Hitch pointed to each person, cheeks flushed and drinking something that smelled sweet.

"That one's Connie, Sasha." You remembered them from just a few moments ago.

"Goth girl over there is Mikasa, guy with glasses is Armin." You remembered him from Philosophy. He and Eren often sat together. Mikasa from Sasha's short yet impressive story.

"Jean, obviously, that's Porco, Porco's girlfriend Pieck, and that's Reiner. They're upperclassmen." She whispered to you.

Then she handed you a half-empty red solo cup, it smelled sugary. "Try this."

You took the cup and hesitated, but Hitch insisted. You took a slow sip, swallowing. It tasted...good. Like cherry limeade.

"What is this?" You asked Hitch over the rim of the cup.

"Cherry vodka mixed with lemonade. You can hardly taste the alcohol." She grinned.

You nodded and took another sip, a bit more confident this time.

Jean leaned forward, turning to Reiner. "Hey, what game we playing?"

You froze, we were playing a game?

Reiner shrugged, looking at Pieck and Porco. "Uh, truth, dare, or drink?"

Pieck stretched her arms up, nodding as if she wasn't even listening.

"Sick." Reiner muttered, "Alright!"

He clapped his hands together, grabbing everyone's attention. "Truth, dare or drink! Rules are simple, you spin the bottle. You get asked truth or dare. If you fail to complete your truth or dare, you take a shot." He motioned to the dozens of shot glasses in the middle of the circle around the empty bottle you were meant to spin.

"Who wants to go first?" Porco grinned, "I'm asking."

The game starts easy. Porco asked Sasha who her first kiss, and she answered with an entire story time while laughing.

When Sasha asked Connie what his first time smoking was like, Connie lied and everyone called him out on it. Reiner made him take a shot for attempting to lie. Laughter broke like static.

Then, Connie smirked at Jean as the bottle pointed at him. You and Hitch laughed, hands grabbing at each other.

"Alright, Jean boy." Connie took a swig of his drink. "If you could kiss anyone here, do it."

His eyes flickered up to Mikasa, hesitant and distant. Then it flicked to you. Your stomach twisted.

"That's a loaded dare." Jean replied, leaning back carelessly. But his fingers tapped restlessly against his knee.

"Then unload it." Hitch smirked, taking a sip of the drink she shared with you.

The music dipped between songs, leaving a moment of small silence.

And before you can glance at Hitch, Jean cupped your cheek and dropped a sweet, soft, quick kiss to your lips.

You froze.

There was a chorus of laughter. Sasha screaming and Connie slapping Jean's arm.

Jean leaned back, eyes still on you as he tried to play it off with a shrug. Then those brown eyes turned to the circle, "A dare's a dare."

Hitch screams and shakes Annie's arm. Yelling something like, "I told you! I told you!"

You blushed, laughing nervously and shaking your head.

"Sorry." Jean muttered to you, cheeks red. "It's..it's okay." You smiled up at him.

Your stomach felt warm and your head felt light. Maybe from the kiss, maybe from the drink you'd been sipping on.

Then, a familiar voice cut through the noise—quiet and sharp.

Eren.

You hadn't even noticed him approach the circle before Jean kissed you.

"Stupid game." He muttered, jaw tight.

Mikasa elbowed him, "Then don't play."

He didn't answer. Just dropped to sit beside her. She plucked a piece of grass off his jacket.

Jean got up to spin the bottle. The glass whirls, and suddenly everyone fell silent.

Everyone watched it spin, and slow, and stop. The mouth of the bottle pointed right at you.

Sasha whooped, "Jean, don't mess this uppppp!" She sang, Connie slapped a hand over her mouth, cackling with laughter.

You glared up at Jean, and he held up his arms in mock surrender. "No kiss, I promise Truth this time."

Connie muttered, "Boring." And Sasha laughed.

Jean planted his feet on the ground, elbows on his knees as he asked, "What is something you'd never admit to anyone here. Until now."

You blinked, "That's broad."

"That's the point. It can be anything." He replied.

You thought for a moment, the circles silent and waiting. Until Connie and Sasha start chanting. "Truth. Truth. Truth. Truth! Truth! Truth!" Slowly getting louder.

You laughed and looked at Hitch. "I guess...I didn't really like Hitch when I first met her."

This earned a loud round of dramatic gasps and "Ohhhh!'s"

"Damn!" Hitch clutched at her chest.

"You stole my seat in class first semester last year. And you were loud." You tried to explain, leaning on her arm.

Hitch shook her head, gasping, "I only did it once!"

"It was every day."

Laughter rolled around the circle. And when you grabbed the bottle to spin it, Hitch murmured, "You still love me right?"

To which you replied with a grin over your shoulder.

Surprisingly enough, the bottle landed on Hitch.

You asked you something about her boy thing back home. To which she replied she'd probably dump him soon.

The next few rounds blurred together. Questions about crushes, regrets, and stupid dares that got louder with every drink. Reiner dared Hitch to chug a full can of beer, and everyone's laughing again when she nearly spilled half of it down her dress. The noise rolls.

Hitch's voice cut through it, sly and sharp, and clearly very drunk.

"Okay!" She grinned, grabbing the bottle and clumsily spinning it. It slowed, clinked against the concrete, and stopped on Eren.

The laugher quiets as Sasha muttered, "Oh shit." Connie whispered something to her, and she cackled, head leaning back.

Mikasa tensed at his side, sending a brief glare to Armin.

Eren glanced up at Hitch, bored and unimpressed.

"Truth or dare." Hitch asked, raising her brows.

"Truth." He said.

"Okay then," Hitch tilted her head to the side, eyeing Eren dangerously. She pursed her lips, humming as she pretended to think.

You tensed. You knew she was going to say something she probably shouldn't.

A smirk tugged at her glossed lips. "Do you care about anyone here? Or are we all just background noise to you?"

Eren didn't answer right away. His jaw tightened, and for a moment, you thought he was going to ignore her. Until his gaze shifted.

First, to Mikasa. Who meets it without flinching, red scarf around her shoulders. Then, to Armin, whose smile faded.

"Jesus, Hitch." Jean sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose at the same time as Connie whispered "Harsh." Sasha covered her mouth.

Eren's eyes glanced back at Hitch. "Depends on what you mean by 'care'." He replied.

Hitch rolled her eyes, "Ugh. You used to be fun. That's not even an answer." She slurred, sneering at him.

Eren's brows furrowed, "What did you want me to say? Care? The same way people care about flowers in vases until they die and then they're thrown out? Sure, I care." He almost scoffed.

"So, that's it? Your friends are just flowers to you? Nice to look at until we rot? Sounds lonely." Hitch snapped back.

"Lonely is better than fake." Eren's eyes flashed with something like rage.

Hitch leaned forward, her drink that sat on the floor knocking over and spilling forward over the pavement.

Jean sent you a quick glance, brows pinched together as he sat the spilt cup up-right again.

Your shoulders barely shrugged at him, pressing your lips together.

"You think you're real? Sitting here like an edgelord that's experienced every form of loss there is in the world? You care, Eren. You're just too scared to admit it." Hitch spat at him.

You grabbed her arm, moving to stand her up. "Hitch, that's enough." You murmured to her.

"No—you don't get it." She stumbled in your arms, causing Jean to stand in an attempt to help you steady her. "Eren's become some some pathetic...walking loser of shame and sorrow." She tumbled out.

Eren's lips twitched, eyes filled with rage as he snapped, "What the hell do you know about what I care about?" His voice rose.

Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

Jean grabbed Hitch's other arm.

"Enough to know you're still drowning in your own self-hatred." She sneered.

"Hitch, please." You tried to move her back, but she struggled against you.

"You keep pretending you don't need anyone, but it's written all over you. Like you're waiting for someone to drag you back to life."

It lands like a blow to the face. The circle went dead quiet. You and Jean finally get to haul Hitch a few steps away.

You glanced over your shoulder and watched as Mikasa tried to console Eren. He slapped her hand away, angrily muttered something to her and Armin before standing.

Eren tossed his empty cup in the middle of the circle. "You don't fucking know me." He snapped, walking away.

Mikasa glanced at Armin before they both trailed after him.

Hitch was murmuring about how philosophy majors were just failed poets. She leaned back against you, eyes glassy as she smiled at Jean and complimented his long eyelashes, as if she didn't totally just ruin a fun mood.

"Okay," You sighed, exhausted after hauling her to the kitchen.

Jean rummages for some water. He hands her a water bottle. "Drink up." He told her.

Hitch downed half of the bottle in one go. "Time to cut her off." You gave Jean a tired look.

He snorted, catching and capping the water bottle before Hitch could spill it all over herself.

Annie was pushing through the crowd, Hitch's purse in the crook of her elbow and your jacket over her shoulder.

"Come on." She motioned for us to hand Hitch over. "I'm taking her to the car. Get ready to leave soon, okay?" Annie said to you.

You nodded once in reply.

Annie began to take Hitch away, one hand at the small of her back. "You need water." You heard Annie murmur. "Water is for loserrssss!" Hitch slurred.

"Well," You smoothed your outfit. "I'd best get going." You said to Jean.

He held the half-empty water bottle stupidly as he replied, "Uh—yeah. Right. Of course." He cleared his throat. "Well, it was good to see you. Sorry about the kiss." He ran a hand through his hair.

"It's fine." You laughed softly, "Um, see you around?" You began to walk away, and Jean only nodded, his cheeks warm.

As you slipped away to the bathroom, you caught Eren and Mikasa talking through the window outside.

Mikasa said something urgently to him, shaking his arm. But his eyes were on the ground. He didn't reply.

You looked away, wondering what the hell that was about.

Your thoughts were drowned out at the sound of the air vent in the bathroom. You fixed your hair, tugged your clothes into place, and sighed. When you stepped out, Mikasa walked past you.

She didn't stop. And she was alone. No Eren or Armin trailing behind her.

You glanced down at your phone to text Annie. You had one message from her.

Annie!: Hitch threw up. Wait for me outside?

You tried not to laugh. It wasn't funny, but for some reason, you let out a little chuckle.

You: Alright. I'll wait by the front.

You weaved your way through the crowd of people and pushed open the front door.

The night air felt colder than before. It was cool against your flushed skin, the muffled music of the party bleeding through the walls. The porch light flickered weakly. There were little to no people out on the porch. They were probably all out back finishing their drinking games.

You caught a glint of something in the dark. A lighter, a spark, a small exhale of smoke. You glanced over, eyes narrowed.

Eren leaned against the railing, one hand tucked into his pocket, the other holding a half-burnt blunt between his lips. His hair was messier than before, dark hair brushing his shoulders, the ends caught in the light when he tilted his head enough to look at you.

"Didn't think you were the type to hang around parties." He murmured.

You took a step closer, leaning against the wall opposite the railing. You shrugged your arms and wrapped them loosely around yourself. "I could say the same about you."

He huffs something like a laugh, smoke curling in response. "I'm not. Just needed quiet."

"A cigarette equals quiet?" You raised a brow. His eyes narrowed at you, "Sometimes, yeah."

Silence stretched between you. You glanced at your phone, waiting to see if Annie had texted you, but she hadn't.

You stared out the street, avoiding Eren's gaze. The orange glow of the street lights, the sound of someone's distant laughter, a car turning the corner.

"You almost said something." Eren said suddenly.

You blinked, caught off guard. "What?"

"Monday. In class. When Smith called on me."

You remembered. The way the room had gone still after he had said that the girl's opinion on morality was bullshit. You remembered how you'd opened your mouth, caught between courage and hesitation before silencing yourself again.

"I didn't think anyone noticed." You admitted.

Eren searched your face. His gaze was unreadable.

Then, they flickered back to the blunt he held. "I did." He took another long drag. "You looked like you wanted to argue."

You glanced down at a crack in the concrete below you. "Maybe I did."

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't feel like fighting."

Eren's mouth twitched, not quite a smile. "That's a shame."

You glanced back up at him, head tilting, clearly confused.

"You seem like someone who'd be good at it."

You just watched him exhale another puff of smoke. It was starting to curl around you.

You caught him grimacing. "Bad?" You asked.

He dropped the blunt, crushing it with his shoe. "Doesn't taste right anymore." He answered.

The words slipped between your lips before you could stop them, "Was it poisoned with what Hitch asked you?"

He looked up, head bowed. "You think she got under my skin that easily?"

"You walked out, didn't you?"

Eren turned his head, eyes sharp even in the dark. Deep, nostalgic, not with anger, but exhaustion. "People like her think everything's a game. Secrets. Lies. They don't understand that sometimes questions and answers can't be thrown around like a joke."

"Maybe not. But you didn't have to answer."

"She would've pushed. She's pushy. Prying into wounds."

"So you'd rather bleed out?"

Eren didn't reply. "That's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying?"

Eren sighs, glancing at Y/n. "What do you see? When you look at me?"

You paused. The question slipped through the dark like a spark. You met his eyes, green and difficult to read in the low light. Then, you took in a deep breath, "I see..someone trying hard to convince himself he doesn't care—that he's starting to believe it."

"Careful. You might just start to think you know me." He tilted his head at you, lips quirking up slightly.

You smiled. "And me? What do you think of me?"

He didn't answer right away. He studied you. "I think you're too curious for your own good." He finally replied, crossing his arms.

"That's not an answer."

"Well, it's the one you're getting."

Before you could answer, you saw Annie's car pull up by the front. The leans on the horn once.

"Guess that's my ride." You pushed yourself off the wall. Eren nodded, turning back to look at Annie's car.

As you walked away, he called out. "Hey!"

You turned. He held up his phone. "I need your number."

You blinked in surprise. You didn't think—

"It's for the project." He gave you a pointed look, "Don't get excited."

"I...wasn't." You grumbled, walking back up to him and typing your number into his phone. You created a contact and typed in your name.

You gave his phone back to him. "See you in class." He watched as you walked down the front and climbed into the backseat of Annie's car.

"You okay?" Annie asked, looking at you through the rear-view mirror as you slumped against the leather seats.

"Yeah." You replied, glancing back once.

But Eren was already gone.

The only indication that he was ever there was the smoke still curling faintly in the air where the two of you stood.

You looked forward, surprised by the concern in Annie's eyes. "Jaeger?" She raised a brow.

"He's my philosophy partner, remember? I needed his contact information." You replied. Annie's gaze dropped, and she moved to face forward again.

She put the car in drive and began the ride home. "Be careful around him. He carries grief with him like a seething pile of burning flames."

Would it be so bad to believe he may be more than what he let on?

Chapter Text

Thursday morning came too fast. You and Annie had to help Hitch inside, changing her into something more comfortable and wiping off her makeup.

The three of you fell asleep in the living room. Hitch took one side of the L shaped couch, Annie took the other. And you curled up in an armchair.

Sunlight slanted through the blinds, and Hitch groaned somewhere under her blanket, twisting on the long couch. "Turn off the sun." She mumbled.

You laughed, still half asleep, rubbing your eyes. "I don't think that's how the sun works."

When you leaned up, surprised not to have a headache, Annie was already up. She was sitting on a stool in the kitchen's island, earbuds in her ears, typing away at her computer.

You had no idea how even after a sleepless night, she always managed to wake up early.

Hitch sat up, maybe too quickly, because she groaned loudly, the heels of her palms digging into her eyes. She was groaning all the way to the bathroom.

The sounds that followed were more unpleasant.

"She's fine." Annie said without looking up. "She'll never have cherry vodka again."

"You're heartless." You huffed a weak laugh, standing and stretching off the smaller couch you slept on.

"No," Annie corrected, giving you a small smirk over her shoulder, "Just hydrated."

You grinned, pulling your hair back as you glanced at the time on the stove. 8:12.  Class started at 9:30.

Your stomach flipped, partly from the small hangover, and maybe from knowing you'd see Eren again.

You tried not to think about the night before.

The smoke that curled from his mouth. Those eyes, dark and determined. And the way his voice sounded when he asked what you saw when you looked at him.

By the time Hitch emerged from the bathroom, she looked pale but alive. "If I die, tell Historia she owes me twenty bucks." She moaned, grabbing a glass cup and filling it with water from the sink.

"You're not dying." You said as you made your way to your room, grabbing some clothes to change into before heading into your bathroom.

"Just suffering a hangover." Annie added.

"Don't start with me, Annie Leonhart!" You heard Hitch yell.

You left with your hair damp from your shower, rushing out the door and walking to your class with a bottle of water instead of coffee.

The morning was colder than usual. Campus looked the same—but something in the air buzzed differently.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

After your classes had ended, you grabbed lunch by yourself and headed to the library.

You figured you'd get some homework in the library.

Your first week had gone by smoothly so far, you only wished you could continue to keep up.

Opening the doors to the library, there was soft chatter murmuring through the halls of the first floor.

You always knew the library was never fully quiet. There was always the sound of shuffling papers, pen scratching, and hushed whispers that made every sound matter.

You've been in this library many times before. Typically, you'd study in the cafe area. But since you worked later tonight, you figured you'd stay away from the cafe area in case you closed with Ymir again.

You opened up your first assignment on your laptop and saw an assignment titled 'Define Morality' in Professor Smith's modules.

You sighed. You couldn't help but think of Eren. You really needed to get this assignment done.

You hesitated, chewing on your bottom lip as you pulled out your phone, finding the single message Eren sent you last night after you typed your number into his phone:

Eren: jaeger.

You stared at it, and slowly typed out..

You: In the library. If you're not busy, do you wanna get started on the assignment?

Your heart thundered in your chest immediately after you sent it. Why were you so nervous? It's just a guy with a very strong opinion on morality who seems to cocky to properly function.

Not even five seconds later, your phone buzzed.

Jaeger: be there in five.

And in five minutes, there he was.

Black backpack slung over one shoulder. One hand in his pocket, the other holding a cup of coffee.

He didn't say anything when he sat across from you. He nodded at you in acknowledgement. You sent back a tight smile.

For a while, the only thing you did was write. Typing along your opinions on what you believed morality meant to human society. Occasionally, he'd take a sip of his coffee. It smelled strong. Clearly plain, black coffee.

When you were nearly finished with the draft after an hour of writing, you glanced up at him.

His head was bent low, writing in his messy, ink-stained notebook.

Now that you thought about it, you've never seen him use a computer or laptop. Infact, you hardly ever saw him on his phone.

His writing was impatient and jagged. You wondered what he'd say. If he'd agree or disagree with you.

After a few minutes of subtly watching him write, his head leaned up as he finished a sentence. You cleared your throat and typed something stupid on your document.

Oh, this is awkward—you typed.

"Switch?" Eren pushed his notebook toward you. "Uh—yeah." You quickly deleted your sentence, turning your laptop to him.

"Um, it's just a draft and it was rushed
So it's probably really bad." You explained. He nodded once, eyes on the screen.

Okay....

You grabbed his notebook, beginning to read. The notes were messy. Mostly in bullet points instead of actual sentences. His draft was definitely a draft.

"Morality is a word made up by humanity to help us sleep at night. Everyone wants to believe that there's a strict line between right and wrong—like crossing it turns you into a monster. But I don't think the line truly, fairly exists. I think people draw it wherever it suits them best.

If you do something cruel and deem it 'good' to the general public, if you convince enough people, you are deemed morally good because the public will agree with you. If you did the same thing for the wrong reason, or with bad explanation, you are deemed an evil monster. The act doesn't change at all—just the way you go about it.

Morality is a guilt management. It makes people feel better about themselves. Gaslighting themselves into believing they're doing the right thing. The world runs on excuses, not ethics. Who is the most powerful? Who has the most money?

You can't measure good and bad when the scale keeps moving. Real morality isn't about following rules. It's about how much truth you can stand to live with after you break them."

You released a breath. That was deep, honest.

He sounded like he was personally offended by the world. Was it always this black and white for him? He spoke like he had already done something he couldn't forgive himself for.

When Eren read your paper, his eyes were sharp. Your words were a lot softer than his.

It's about how morality is empathy in action. How we owe the world compassion and respect even when it doesn't give any in return. It is to keep our humanity. To stay strong in this cruel, yet beautiful world.

His eyes glanced back up at you, unreadable.

"You wrote that people owe the world compassion." He said finally, "What if the world doesn't deserve it?"

"Then, we give it anyway." You replied simply. "It's not about what the world is, it's about who we are. It's the reason we're human."

He didn't answer, just leaned back in the creaking chair he sat on. He shook his head. "Humans can be just as cruel. Maybe that's who they are. You really believe that people are bad by choice?" He raised a brow.

"Well, maybe not always." You admitted, "But I think that's what makes being good and empathetic more moral. Choosing it anyway."

Eren let out a short, humorless laugh. "My mother was publicly murdered." He said, dropping the words like a bomb in the middle of the table. "She did nothing wrong." He continued, eyes lowering to his coffee. "The guy was drunk, angry, and he shot her in the middle of the street."

You froze, eyes wide. Why was he telling you this?

"They gave him twenty years." He looked down at the table, brows furrowed slightly.

"And everyone said justice was served. But tell me—" he looked up, voice low, dangerous. "—what's moral about that? What's moral about me still seeing her face every night while he gets to breathe? What's moral about a kind, generous, loving woman being murdered by the hands of a ruthless drunk who couldn't take no for an answer?"

He watched you, green-blue eyes ablaze. How could you reply to that?

You swallowed. "No..that's not moral. Maybe.." You paused, your skin shuddering under the intensity of his glare. "What happens after the tragedy is up to you." She tried.

For a moment, Eren had nothing to say. Like he couldn't understand what you meant.

"You want me to forgive him? Would that be my sign of humanity?" Eren's lips twitched angrily, brows raised. "No." You said instantly, "You're supposed to survive him."

That caught him off guard. He blinked in surprise, his shoulders relaxing for just a moment. He searched your face, finding for a moment of hesitation or disbelief. He found none.

Then he huffed out a breath, leaning back again. "You write like you've never lost anything." He murmured.

"Well, you talk like you've lost everything." You snapped back, suddenly offended.

"I have!" He slammed a hand on the table, startling you.

His brows furrowed when he noted your rigid posture. He blinked away the rage, grabbing his notebook from your end of the table and packing up.

"You're wrong about people." He said, standing and tutting on his backpack.

"Still..thanks for trying to convince me." He spoke softer now, glancing at you once over his shoulder before leaving you there.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

You stayed for another hour until it was time to start your shift. You gathered your belongings and moved to the cafe area. The smell of coffee grounds and pastries grounded you.

Nanaba was behind the counter, clipboard in hand. Ymir leaned back against the counter, half asleep it appeared, until she spotted you.

"Look who finally came out of the study tomb. Surprised you're not fused with your notebooks." She smirked at you.

You put your things away under the counter and grabbed your apron, "I almost did. Eren and I were writing for our philo project." You explained, clocking in on the computer.

Nanaba, without looking up muttered, "Project? You looked so serious I thought you were planning a coup."

Ymir snorted at that.

"Hey, before I leave," Nanaba glanced at you, "You'll be stacking shelves on your next shift. That's gonna be where you'll be a bit more permanently. Figured you wouldn't mind the quiet." She explained.

"Oh, yeah, that's fine." You replied, Ymir groaned beside you. "You're gonna make me close with Nifa again? Who the hell am I gonna gossip with now?"

Nanaba raised a brow, "The customers."

Ymir rolled her eyes, "They don't appreciate my personality like Y/n does."

You smiled at that, leaning against the counter. "It's not forever, Ymir. I'll come by."

Ymir pointed a finger at you, brows raised. "You'd better. Nifa's good at her job but man is she a bore."

Nanaba chuckled at that, "You two are helpless." She grabbed her bag and waved goodbye. The bell rang on her way out.

The cafe fell quiet after that.

You wiped down tables, sweeping the floors all while humming some song under your breath.

The sun began to set outside. You realize you've been in the library practically all day. Studying and now working.

Outside, the warm glow of the street lights began to turn on. Ymir restocked the pantry case, shutting the display door. "I didn't see you yesterday. At the party. Historia and I were looking for you when we got there." She said.

You glanced over with a smile, "I didn't see you either. You disappeared the moment I walked in."

Ymir only shrugged, "What can I say? Historia finds trouble, and I find her. That's how we roll." You chuckled in response.

"Yeah, well, Annie and I had to take Hitch home after she threw up. Got too drunk and started...insulting Eren." You explained.

Ymir made a face at that. "Yikes...that sounds like a nightmare."  You nodded along at that.

"It was weird. The whole ride home she was just babbling about how weird he was. How he changed or something."

Ymir cocked her head, eyes narrowed. "Changed? Like how Jean said?"

You shrugged, rounding the counter and dropping the dirty rag into the sink. "Yeah. I mean he acted kinda weird. Distant..I guess."

Ymir hummed, "Classic Jaeger. Always looking like he's plotting the end of the world while everyone else is taking shots."

You smiled faintly, "Yeah." Then quieter, "He's really...complicated."

Ymir glanced at you, truly eyeing you. "That's code for 'I've been thinking about him.'"

You rolled your eyes. "No. You sound like Hitch."

Ymir laughed at that, leaning closer to you while wiggling a finger in your direction. "You totally have. I mean he's a decent-looking guy." She shrugged, "Just save yourself the trouble and try not to get close."

You shook your head, "Oh, please."

"You're predictable," She crossed her ankles, pulling out her phone after it buzzed. "Don't let him pull you into his moody orbit. I like you functional."

There's a brief pause between the conversation as a short male with a gaze so sharp it could cut through stone walked in and ordered a small black tea.

After you handed the cup to him, he muttered a thank you and walked off into the library shelves.

The hours passed slowly. You and Ymir continued to talk about God knows what. At the end of your shift, you hung your apron and yawned.

Ymir shut off the cafe lights, leaving the room bathed in soft amber from the window lights. 

"Come on." She said, "I can drive you home tonight."

You left together, the outside air chilled your arms.

It made you think of Eren for some reason. Yoy found that everything made you think of Eren.

Of the way he looked under the porch light at the party. A cigarette between his lips. Eyes too heavy for someone his age.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Friday morning, while walking into your Philosophy class, you swirled your coffee in its cup as you sat. You try to focus as you open your laptop.

You glanced through his canvas page, seeing what there was for today. Trying to focus.

Eren walked in just as Professor Smith started to set up. His hair was messy, lazily tied up. The sleeves of his crewneck bunched to his elbows, bag slung over one shoulder. His coffee cup left a ring on the desk when he set it down beside his notebook.

His little blonde friend sat a few rows in front of you, fixing his thick glasses as he set his bag down on the seat next to his.

Eren, however, sat one seat away from you, not glancing up to meet your eyes.

Professor Smith cleared his throat as the last few students came in. "Alright. Let's pick up where we left off on the lecture on Wednesday." He said, "Just a reminder that these papers will be the foundation for the final essay you have to write at the end of the semester."

Should you and Eren meet up again over the weekend? Poor would you have to wait for class on Monday to see him?

Smith started his lecture on moral frameworks, but your mind drifted to that evening in the library.

To Eren's voice when he spoke about his mother. You wondered why he told you. Did he really want to hear what you truly thought?

Half distracted, you were able to take decent notes on the lecture. Smith's voice was deep, monotone. Since he didn't use technology or slides, you'd have to listen to his words properly. Often quoting him.

When class ended, most students filed out in a hurry. Rushed footsteps and chatter filled the room as you packed.

Eren didn't move right away. You snuck a glance as you caught his pen tapping, eyes focused on his messy notes.

When you glanced away, slinging your bag over your shoulders, Eren closed his notebook and stood. "You still think morality is empathy?" He asked. You looked up, "Yeah. I do."

He nodded once, as if he was expecting that answer. "Then, what does empathy mean to you?"

You paused, surprised yet considering. "Listening. Understanding. Even when it hurts."

Something flickered in his eyes at that—maybe recognition. He hummed, quietly. His lips turned up slightly, turning as if to walk away after murmuring, "You're good at that."

He says it like it's a compliment. And before you could open your mouth to reply, he threw his empty coffee cup into the trash and walked out. The door swung loudly behind him.

You were left staring at the empty space he stood, heart beating faster than you'd have liked.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

The weekend passed slowly. Hours and hours of drowning in textbooks got lost somewhere between early mornings with Annie in the kitchen and late nights with Hitch in the living room.

Saturday morning started with sugary, watered-down coffee beside your laptop while your textbooks and index cards littered the kitchen's island.

You rewrote your first philosophy prompt twice. Partly because you were afraid Eren wouldn't like it—artsy because you knew it wasn't authentic if you wrote trying to please him. You were supposed to have these differences.

Your phone stayed quiet. No messages. Nothing.

You told yourself it didn't matter. That you didn't care whether or not Annie and Hitch were shopping together, that Ymir was doing perfectly fine without you at the cafe, that Eren hadn't bothered to send a single text.

About the project, of course.

After your long study session, you went to work.

Clocking in, and instead of Nanaba greeting you, a sweet young lady with an orange bob beamed at you. Her name was Petra, and she helped you shelve and restock.

Ymir texted you every so often when she got lonely. At some point, Historia dropped by to sneak you a sweet tart pastry. The cafe section seemed so far away.

No sounds of the espresso machine, Ymir's phone buzzing with messages from her girlfriend, customers coming in to get coffee and sit in the corner watching a documentary, or cramming for an assignment.

There were no sounds between the library shelves. So every time there was a slight shift or sound, you swore it echoed. Every thought did too.

By Sunday night, the pages between your notebook had turned into something like a confession and an essay.

"If morality is empathy, how come sometimes it can hurt? Why do bad things happen to good people? If he doesn't text, what do I do? Do good people sometimes just stop caring?"

You sighed, scribbling over the top of the words. You weren't even sure what you were writing about anymore.

Eren hadn't texted you once this entire weekend. You figured you'd at least meet up one more time before Monday. But you had already texted first the first time. You didn't wanna sound naggy and text again.

You hadn't seen him since Friday, and his words were echoing in your mind. Morality is choice. People are born free.

You rubbed your head, pulling your blue-light glasses to sit atop your head.

Annie came by with her large water bottle. "Tired?" She questioned, grabbing ice to fill it. You nodded, "Yeah, been writing like crazy."

Annie hummed in reply, "Just be careful. Did you eat?" She asked.

You glanced at the time. 10:48 pm. "Yeah.." You muttered.

Annie sent you a glare.

"Like..5 hours ago." You finished.

Annie's lips pressed together. "Hitch will be back soon with food if you wanna text her to get you something."

"Where is Hitch anyway?" You asked. Annie shrugged, filling her bottle with tap water. "Who knows. She just said she'd be back with food around 11."

You eyed Annie suspiciously. You knew she knew it was late. And she never missed her bedtime.

You tilted your head at her, "So..you decided to wait for her?"

Annie's cheeks flushed slightly. "It was no big deal." She tried to shrug it off.

"Okay..." You sang, tucking pages back into your textbook and closing it together just as Hitch slammed the door open.

"Room service is here!" She exclaimed, arms full of three takeout bags.

"I got Chinese. So..I hope you guys like what I bought." She kicked the door shut with her foot.

Annie walked up and grabbed a bag from her, the expression on her face clearly tolerant affection.

The smell hit you immediately as Annie and Hitch set the bags down. Fried rice, steaming dumplings, and sweet and sour chicken. You groaned hungrily.

"You're a saint." You grabbed Hitch by her elbows, and she hugged you in return. "Oh, please. I'm just hungry and you benefit from it."

Annie dropped to the stool on your left, Hitch on your right as they began to open up the styrofoam boxes. You hadn't even realized how silent the apartment was all weekend until now—Hitch's laughter echoing against the walls. Annie engaging in rare conversation.

"So," Hitch started, mouthful of rice, "Did you do anything fun this weekend or did you drown in your philosophical despair?"

You snorted, "Definitely the despair."

Annie glanced at you, blowing cool air to a steaming pork dumpling, "She was writing." A pause, where she raised her brows, "Like a lot."

Hitch grinned, "Writing about a certain someone? A stallion or a certain edgelord?"

You shook your head, "Neither!"

Hitch pointed at your face, "It totally is one of them! Look at your face!"

"You're blushing." Annie added.

"I'm not!" You yelled, cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

Hitch laughed as Annie cracked a smile.

Hitch leaned forward, propping her chin on her fist. "It's okay, you can admit it. They're both cute. Though one is a handsome sexy art kid and the other is keeping up with his hero-turned-villain aesthetic."

"Oh my god!" You exclaimed, trying to laugh.

"Okay, I'm sorry. No more boy talk." She grabbed a dumpling from Annie's plate with her chopsticks. "I'm just glad you're alive." She stuffed her face, "I swear you were ghosting your own apartment."

You rolled your eyes, chewing on some sweet and sour chicken.

"She was probably waiting for a text from Eren." Annie added in a quiet mutter. You shot her a glare. "Was not!"

"Sure."

Hitch bumped your knee with hers. "Forget him. Get some sleep, seriously. You'll see him tomorrow." She spoke affectionately.

You looked down at your lap, blushing while trying not to laugh.

Later, the three of you sat in the living room. Candy wrappers lying on the floor, Annie half asleep, and Hitch sending you TikToks like her life depended on it.

The TV murmured quietly, lights dim. You sank back into the couch, content.

For the first time all weekend, the stillness didn't feel lonely.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

On Monday morning, you sat at your usual seat. Eren is sitting with one seat between you again.

You pulled out your notebook, pretending to look busy. Eren didn't say a word to you.

Smith turned and wrote: The Nature of Love on his chalkboard.

A few groans and murmurs wrapped around the room. You simply narrowed your eyes, waiting for Smith to start talking.

"Don't sound so disappointed." He started, a breathy chuckle falling from his mouth. "If morality asks how we should act, love asks why we act at all. And you'll find," He added, "That love and morality are tangled much more than you may think."

You wrote that down. Love and morality are tangled much more than you may think.

You underlined it. Twice.

Smith took a few steps forward, addressing the room, "For your next self-reflection to review with your partner for the week, I want you to answer this prompt." He turned back to the board, grabbing a thin piece of chalk and writing as he spoke.

"Does love change people—or does it simply reveal who they already were?"

The silence that followed was heavier than usual. You could almost hear the hesitation in someone's pen ink before they wrote down notes.

"Think about it," Smith prompted, looking around the room. "We have all done things in the name of love, haven't we?"

He raised both his hands up, as if weighing his next words. "Whether it be romance, familial, or platonic. It's all love."

"Does that make us better or worse? Or are we just using it as an excuse for what we were already capable of?" His questions weighed around the room.

You caught Eren's leg begin to bounce under the wooden foldable desk.

"Any thoughts?" Smith asked, leaning his weight on one hip as he glanced around.

This time, no one raised their hands. He hummed, looking at you, and then looking at Eren.

"Mr. Jaeger." He started, "You had quite the unique take on morality last week. I'd be curious to see what you make of this one."

Eren's eyes were focused, and he shrugged a shoulder carelessly. "I guess we'll see." Smith urged him, "Well, you aren't typically shy about these things."

Eren glanced at a few faces in the room. Armin below him, the girls staring at him a few seats away.

He released a breath and shifted in his seat.

"I don't think love can change someone, not exactly." He started, "It just...strips away the bullshit. Makes you show what's hidden underneath—even the parts you'd rather keep buried."

A few students glanced at each other. You chewed the inside of your lip.

Smith's thick brows raised, "So love reveals the truth? That's an excellent point."

He turned to write it down on the board. You wrote it down as well. "Love is a sort of truth serum?" Smith turned to Eren again.

"Yeah. It's a harsh one." Eren replied.

"Harsh?"

Eren nodded once, "Because once you see someone—really see them—there's no going back. You can't unsee what love shows you. And sometimes," He glanced briefly in your direction, "You'd probably be better off not knowing."

The room fell silent for a moment. You hesitated. You knew he was trying to get you to speak.

Smith's blue eyes caught you, weighing your hesitation.

After a beat of silence, your breath hitched as you clenched your fists.

"I think.." You tapped your fingers on your lap. All eyes on you. "I think love can change people. Maybe not who they are, but how they act. What they're willing to risk. What they can forgive."

You met Eren's stare. "It's not always harsh. Sometimes, it's the reason people become better."

Eren's lips quirked up slightly. He was impressed. He liked that you countered him.

Smith nodded, "Both amazing perspectives. I served you right by making you partners." He smiled to himself. "Maybe that's the paradox of it," He continued. "Love as exposure versus love as evolution."

Smith continued to ask for a few other opinions before he continued with the lecture.

He dismissed the class exactly at 10:20.

Eren glanced at you as you packed, lips parting to speak.

But he hesitated.

When you caught his gaze, he finally found his voice. "I knew you'd say something hopeful. Just surprised you said anything at all."

You looked up. "I didn't take you as the type to have a genuine opinion on love." He smiled, faintly. "I've seen the cruel curse that love can be."

"I have also seen how love can make someone clean up their act." You replied.

Eren's eyes narrowed. "So, what is love then? A reason?" A brow raised.

You nodded, confident in your answer. "Yes. It can be a reason to keep going. Or to help someone stop being the worst version of themselves."

He huffed a humorless laugh. "You make it sound like love is the cure."

"You make it sound like it's a disease." You countered.

Eren just stared at you, dumbfounded. Like he couldn't believe in your genuine opinions.

"Do you have any happy opinions, or are you really as broody as everyone says you are?" You found yourself scoffing.

"Yeah, well have you ever had a realistic opinion?" He made a face.

"What's so bad about having hope?"

"You lose track of reality."

"Hope can change reality."

"Reality cannot be changed."

"Yeah? Well, you just haven't had a love hard enough to change you."

Eren froze at that. He rolled his eyes, surprising you. "That isn't true. Love...makes people selfish."

"Selfish?" Your brows furrowed.

"Yeah. When you care about someone, you know you want to do everything for them. To love them and protect them like no one else can. It clouds your judgment. But when you know you're not good for them, you'll push them away. Until they can no longer be around you. What's selfish about it is that you want nothing more than to burn down the world to keep what's yours."

The words hung heavy between you.

You could have argued—said that wasn't love, more obsession or fear—but the way he said it, you could tell it wasn't just a theory to him. It was memory.

So instead, you asked softly, "Is that what happened to you?"

He looked away, jaw tightening as he began to walk away. "That doesn't matter."

You followed after him, "It does if you're still angry about it."

Eren let out a slow breath, slow and tired as he paused in the hallway. "I'm not angry. Just not stupid enough to believe in things like that anymore."

You frowned, "In hope?"

He looked down at you—really looked, the way he did at the library, at the party, with that gentle glint. "Something like that." He muttered.

There was nothing to say after that.

"See you Wednesday." He stepped back, pushing his hands into his pockets and walking off.

Why did he have to be so confusing?

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

You found yourself walking to the Scout's Corner, the steps so familiar.

Something made you wanna work, since you were ahead in most of your classes after all the studying and homework you crammed in during the weekend.

The bell rang as you entered, Ymir greeting you shortly as you walked behind the counter to Nanaba's office.

You knocked twice, and she looked up from her computer. "Y/n. Hey. You're not scheduled today, are you?"

You shook your head, twisting the straps of your backpack. "Uh, no..I was wondering if I could come in for a couple of hours?"

Nanaba tilted her head, her eyes narrowing as if she was trying to read you. "You missing Ymir or the noise?"

You laughed under your breath, "Both? I just...need something to do. Libraries are too quiet."

That got a chuckle out of her, "Alright. When do you wanna start?"

"Now, if you'll let me." You replied, trying not to sound too eager.

"Alright." Nanaba turned back to her computer screen and typed away. "From now until...say 2?" You nodded.

As she typed into the schedule sheet, she added, "You know, Ymir pretends to hate the company but I think she's been bored without you. Historia's been showing up often, which is great, but I think she's tired of the princess talk." She chuckled.

You smiled, "I guess I'm playing her hero today, huh?"

Nanaba handed you an apron with a satisfied nod, "Exactly."

You slipped the apron over your head, giving Nanaba a final thanks as you exited the office.

Ymir's back was facing you when you were clocking into the computer, making what looked like a caramel macchiato and muttering something about ridiculous orders.

She passed the drink to the customer, and when she turned, her eyes flickered in surprise.

"Look who decided to crawl out of the depths of the library. Nanaba bribes you with tips?" She raised a brow.

"Yeah, right." You snorted, "Would it be so bad to say I missed my coffee friend?"

Ymir rolled her eyes, but her smile betrayed her. "Yeah, whatever." She continued to wipe the counter.

"Any updates on your philosophy project?" She asked. You blinked, "What?"

Ymir's brow arched. "Uh, Philosophy? Eren Jaeger?"

You blinked, touching your temple. "Ah—obviously, yeah. He's intense."

Ymir leaned back against the counter, "Intense? He's way more than that." She muttered, "I was starting to think he said something that ticked you off."

"No. Not really." You replied, to which Ymir gave you a skeptical look. You chewed on the inside of your cheek. "He just...says things that stick, I guess."

Ymir sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a brief moment. "Yeah. Sounds like him."

A pause.

"Everyone has always known him to be that way. He used to be a loud kid, you know?" She looked back at you. "I was friends with Mikasa at the time. He was reckless and always getting into problems she and Armin had to bail him out of." She snorted, "But...that was a while ago. Before.." Ymir trailed off.

"His mother died?" You finished, hesitantly. Ymir pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah. Shit was rough. It messed him up pretty bad." You couldn't help your curiosity, "How?"

Ymir lowered her voice. "Well, news of her death spread like wildfire. He saw it happen. She was just walking back to the car when some drunk was harassing her for something. She said no and he just...shot her. After that, Eren stopped talking to his friends completely."

A brief pause as she tried to recall. 

"He and Mikasa broke up around the same time I think. I mean he was really pushing her and Armin away. He got obsessed with philosophy. Started to smoke. Like he was..trying to find meaning in what happened."

You went still, remembering the way his jaw clenched as he spoke of his mother and her killer. You were so stupid. Your replies felt so dumb now.

"Damn." Ymir interrupted your thoughts, shaking her head. "I almost forgot you're not from here, Miss City." She smirked, and you sent her a straight-faced expression. She put her hands up in mock surrender.

"He said that...olive makes people selfish."

Ymir gave a short laugh, "Well, that's definitely one way to confirm his trauma." Then softer, "I don't think he's necessarily wrong. When you lose someone that way...you either go numb or start burning bridges in hopes to feel something again."

You glanced down at your hands, "He said he wasn't angry about it anymore. But...I don't know."

"He's still hurting." Ymir put it simply. The espresso machine hissed and Ymir pushed herself off the counter. "Alright. Let's set up the closing tasks for the closers tonight. I think it's Floch and Nifa."

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

When you came back home to your apartment, the air smelled like garlic and basil. It was warm and rich, clinging to the air. You dropped your bag by the door, "Smells good."

You found Annie standing above the stove, hair pulled back, stirring something in a pot as Hitch sat on the counter beside her, legs dangling.

Annie glanced over her shoulder. "Pasta tonight." She said simply.

You leaned against the island, nodding at Hitch's phone. There was a guy talking about death. Very serious.

"Oh," Hitch started, "This was last year's seminar. Every year, the debate team has a day near the beginning of the year where they basically just give a speech about whatever. Last year, this guy spoke about what may happen in the afterlife." Hitch explained.

You nodded. "Sounds cool."

"Yeah," Hitch shrugged, scrolling through her phone, interrupting the guy who spoke. "Eren's speaking this year." You perked up. "He is?"

"Yeah." Hitch sighed, "He's gonna talk about something really depressing. I can feel it."

Annie shook her head from where she stirred the rich goodness. "He wasn't allowed to speak last year because he got suspended. Got into a fight with some guy right before giving his speech." She said.

Hitch turned to face you, "You're coming, right? You have to! You can't leave me alone with freaks who genuinely use words like 'existential' for fun." She pouted.

You laughed at that, "Alright. Sure, I'll go."

Hitch clapped happily. "Yay! Okay, it's tonight at 7 so we have plenty of time."

You nodded, "Alright. I'd best get my work in." You stood and went to grab your bag from the front door.

Hitch whined out your name. "Please!" She huffed, "Watch a movie with me, I; 'm getting bored and Annie won't talk to me!"

"Only because you do all the talking." You heard Annie murmur.

You chuckled and sat on a stool. "I'll stay here then." You told Hitch

But when you pulled out your textbook, you swore the look on her face made it look like she was going to die.

So dramatic.

Chapter Text

Piled side by side on the island, you, Hitch, and Annie ate together. The pasta was good, of course. Everything Annie made was good.

Hitch continued to yap about everything going on in her life. Boys, school, the test she's worried about next week. "I hope this year's debate is interesting." She said, motioning with her fork.

"Last time, someone made a persuasive speech about crystals. Like literal rocks. That one was the best." Hitch rolled her eyes, "It better not be like that again."

"With Eren speaking, it'll definitely be interesting." Annie murmured, pushing her pasta around on her plate. You pushed another bite of warm pasta into your mouth.

Everyone spoke about Eren as if he had no reason to act the way he did. You recall when Ymir and Jean joked about whether or not he had changed over the last couple of years.

You didn't know him before, but it felt unfair to compare the two versions.

When the three of you finished, you stood to gather the plates.

"You should join the debate team." Hitch offered the idea to you. You shook your head. "I'm not confident enough in myself to do that."

"It would be fun. Let's debate right now." Hitch straightened. You glanced up at her from where you turned on the sink and raised a brow. "No, Hitch."

"No, seriously. Lipstick is better than lip gloss." Hitch prompted.

You shook your head at her, "You wear lip gloss all the time."

Hitch just stared at you.

A brief pause.

"Whatever."

You and Annie snickered at that.

When you glanced at the time, it was nearing 6:30. Annie followed your gaze, standing and cracking her knuckles. "We should head out soon."

Hitch nodded and grabbed her phone. "Hey, Mikasa said she'd be there with Armin and Jean." She read from a text, "She said she'll save seats for us."

Annie nodded, "Sounds good. Let's walk. I haven't gotten gas yet."

When the dishes were clean and dusk was approaching, you walked out into the warm outdoors. The sidewalks glistened faintly from the day's earlier sprinkle of rain, and amber light warmed and lit the path you walked along.

Annie walked a couple of steps ahead, posture straight as always. Her hands were in her white hoodie pockets. Hitch walked beside you, scrolling and typing on her phone. It lit her face white.

"They're hosting it outside by the quad. Why is it outside this year?" She leaned her head back, groaning. "Wasn't it inside the Sina building last year?"

Annie nodded, "Yeah. It was."

"Why do we go to this every year?" Hitch asked Annie, who glanced over her shoulder and stopped walking for a second so you and Hitch could catch up to her.

"You insist." Annie raised a brow at her, falling into step between you two. Hitch smiled, "True. Most of them are philosophy majors, and you know how I feel about them."

You shook your head, rolling your eyes lightheartedly.

When the three of you crossed the quad, you easily found rows and rows of chairs. There was a makeshift stage at the front, two speakers, and a mic in the middle.

Students scattered around the grass in clusters, the hum of conversation lingering in the damp air.

"So...how exactly does this work? Does the team debate each other or do they debate the audience?" You asked. Hitch bumped your shoulder with hers, "It depends on the person. But don't worry. You'll be fine."

"If anything, we can leave early for sweets." Annie offered. You smiled at that, tension loosening from your chest. "Deal."

"Oh—hey!" You heard from behind you. As the three of you turned, you spotted Armin weaving between people, a warm smile on his face.

He looked put together. Black glasses poker he'd on his button nose, button-up shirt tucked into belted slacks. His sleeves were rolled up to his forearms, and he had a notebook tucked under his arm.

"Ah, hey Armin." Hitch smiled, looking behind him. "Where's Mikasa?"

"She went to get a coffee with Jean." Armin explained shortly, "Preparing to be awake for a while."

"Figures." Hitch chuckled, "It's supposed to be a good discussion tonight."

Armin nodded, "Yeah. Eren's speaking. He submitted his paper to Professor Smith early. He was permitted to open with a short reading."

"It's gonna be angst." Hitch murmured.

"Yeah, kind of." Armin glanced toward his shoes briefly, "It's uh...about absence and grief, I think. He didn't let me read it."

You hummed in reply. That word—grief—landed heavy. You thought back to his hand slamming on the table. "I have!"

"Hope there's at least one decent argument tonight." Jean draped an arm over your shoulder, startling you out of your thoughts. He held a small cup of coffee in his free hand.

"Last time was all talk, no teeth." He flashed a charming smile down at you.

"Oh, look who decided to show up. You lingering with intellectuals now?" Hitch smiled, crossing her arms and leaning her weight onto one hip.

"Hey, I have layers." Jean shot back, "You just have to dig past the sarcasm."

"And the ego." Annie added flatly.

You watched Mikasa walk up beside Armin, warm coffee cup in her hand. Jean, Annie, and Hitch continued to bicker. Her dark scarf wrapped around her shoulders, despite the night's warmth.

"Let's find our seats." Armin cut between them.

Jean released you to talk to Hitch, who fell to the back of the group as they focused on roasting each other more than keeping up.

"I don't think I properly met you." Mikasa spoke softly beside you. You glanced at her. "You're in Eren's philosophy class."

It wasn't a question.

"Yeah." You replied. Mikasa nodded, "He mentioned you once."

You swallowed, nodding, because you had nothing to say to that.

You sat in a long row near the first few rows of seats. Annie, Hitch, you, Mikasa, Jean, and then Armin at the end.

Jean slumped into his seat with a thud beside Mikasa, earning a glare.

"What?" He asked, brow raised, "Can't come to a debate without being rudely stared at?" Armin almost rolled his eyes, "You're trying to impress." He muttered. Despite his blush, Jean shot back with "That's slander. I'm trying to be cultured."

You and Hitch burst into giggles. Mikasa dug her chin deeper into her scarf. "Stop being so loud." She murmured to the two of them, lightly kicking one of the legs of Jean's chair.

"Sorry." He murmured instantly, a small smile tugging at Armin's lips.

You indulged in some chatter with them to pass the time. Mikasa hardly spoke a word to you. She'd chime in when Hitch or Jean said something particularly ridiculous, but besides that, she didn't speak much.

Two lights beamed at the stage with a loud click. The room hushed as Professor Smith walked across the makeshift stage. He tapped the mic, thick brows furrowing.

"Hello. Welcome to this year's debate. I'm sure most of you may know the drill." He started, and a couple of chuckles circled the room. "You may speak if you dare. Silence is for cowards." He added

"Here I bring forth a student of mine, a great debate student. Top of his class. He comes with an opening, as he won't be debating this year."

Armin glanced over Jean to look at Mikasa, who returned the look. Her shoulders shrugged lightly, but the crease between Armin's brow concerned you.

"That's weird." Hitch murmured, "This is the second year Eren isn't debating." Annie shrugged beside her. "Maybe he got into another fight."

"No way!" Hitch whisper-yelled. "His fists are clean."

You didn't even notice him by the end of the stage. He wore a dark blue button-up, black slacks, and nice shoes. He had a watch at his wrist and a paper between two fingers. You swallowed.

For a moment, Smith's speech was lost. You couldn't hear a word he said between your disappointment that you wouldn't see Eren debate.

"This speech is very well written," He glanced back at Eren, "I'd say his best work."

He looked back at the crowd, more students filling the seats even though they were late.

"Eren Jaeger, everyone." He motioned with an arm to Eren, who walked forward.

His posture was lean, eyes clear. Smith moved back, taking the spot Eren had just been in a few moments ago.

The mic whined as Eren approached. His hands trembled slightly as he lifted the paper in his hands to glance down at it. A shaken breath echoed through the outdoors.

He leaned in slightly, eyes scanning the crowd cautiously. His jaw flexed, collecting his thoughts, clearly not as composed as he wanted to look.

"Evening." He started, voice low but sure. "My name is Eren Jaeger," There was a ripple of quiet acknowledgement that passed through the area.

He swallowed. "This was..heavily inspired by my philosophy class this year. I have this project...about morality, change, and freedom. I'll save the best parts for my final." He said, slowly relaxing his posture. A couple of chuckles murmured through the room.

"Tonight, I want to talk a bit about morality. And what it means to choose it. What it means to mourn, and how that grief can change us." His eyes flickered briefly to Armin, whom he spotted so easily in the sea of people.

Hitch leaned toward you, "Even his voice makes it sound like he's gonna start a revolution." She whispered. You shrugged her off.

"Ten bucks he'll quote some edgy philosopher." Jean murmured. This earned him a hard smack on the arm from Mikasa. Hitch giggled.

Eren took a breath, glancing down at his paper. "Most people, when starting to study philosophy, believe it's something we inherit. Something we copy, learn, or obey. But no matter what, the rules remain the same. I think, similarly, it's something we make. Over and over again. Sometimes, out of nothing."

His voice evens as he finds his rhythm. "Sometimes—we lose it the same way."

The room falls silent.

"Philosophy tends to be about answers. Sometimes, we study it in search of answers. Why do bad things happen to good people? Is it deserved? What is the true, clear definition of justice? How do we learn to sit in the absence? The absence of the ones who should be here, but are not. Those that were stolen from us. Those who did not receive justice."

A breath.

"I used to think that way. Sometimes, I think I still do. That people who did bad things were born wrong. That there was a clear line between right and wrong. Until someone I loved passed, and I realized there isn't."

He shifted.

"My mother's name was Carla Jaeger." The words echoed, "She was the kind of woman to give you her last meal if you were hungry. Who wiped the blood from my knees when I scraped them after rough play. What I vividly remember about her, was her love for flowers. But just as flowers are cherished in a vase, they wither in the same pot."

You squinted at his words. Where the hell was he going with this?

"The water goes stale, the petals fall and rot. And no one replaces them. They leave them there, wilting, slowly forgotten. Most of the time, they're thrown out like they were garbage."

Armin and Mikasa exchanged nervous glances.

"People said her death was tragic, unfair, but they still went on. Laughing, eating, sleeping." His brows furrowed, "And it made me angry—because if we are taught to be morally good, if we create it for the purpose of getting answers, of making the world better—then why do good people die for nothing?"

A quiet hum broke through the audience.

"My morals were built after I lost something." He glanced at the floor. "Grief makes people dangerous. It made me dangerous."

Hitch huffed a short laugh by your ear again.

"Grief made me want to burn everything that came into my path. Made me angry with the people who continued to live their lives normally whilst I suffered the death of my mother daily. Every day of mine blended. And though it broke me in ways I couldn't imagine a person could break—it made me honest. Honest enough to say as a philosophy student, I don't know what's right anymore."

He looked up, eyes searching, and for the briefest moment, they landed on you.

"If, for example, morality were to be a reflection of what we've lost," He said softly, "Then being good isn't about doing the right thing. It's about surviving what broke us."

There's a pause. Long and heavy.

He didn't even sound like himself anymore. His words didn't sound authentic. This was the same boy who said that girls' opinion on morality was bullshit.

And as Hitch and Jean continued to snicker about how Eren was being depressing and performative, you couldn't help but think how ignorant they are.

How ignorant you've been.

You tried to lecture him on how to view life after he had confessed to you the brutal death of his mother.

Watching Eren speak on that stage—he wasn't simply reading off a paper he wrote the night before—he was bleeding.

And no one seemed to notice.

"That's all." Eren said, stepping back, "Thank you."

There was hesitation in the air before people began to clap. It was slow, uncertain, until the sound built, echoing through the warm fall air. Eren retreated down the steps of the stage, and then he was gone.

Armin's the first to speak, voice low. "He's gotten better." His eyes were distant, that hazy blue looking beyond that stage. "He used to be all anger now it's...it's..."

"Controlled." Mikasa added, glancing in his direction.

Jean crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. "That was...something."

"That was real." Mikasa shot him a look, and you nodded, agreeing with her. "He meant every word."

"Yeah." Jean glanced down at his lap.

You couldn't believe yourself. You had tried to pin his opinion on morality without grasping how death had shaped him to think that way.

As the next speaker got up and stood before the mic, you couldn't shake the image of Eren standing under that light—talking about loss like it was the only thing he's ever known.

And your arrogance. Your ignorance. How you owed him more than an apology. You realized, maybe you didn't understand good and evil as well as you had wanted to admit.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Two hours had passed and all of the debaters had spoken. The air had turned crisp and cool. The last few people of the crowd spilled through the rows, exiting the area.

Hitch was talking Jean's ear off about how pretentious and performative some of those debates were, Jean glancing mindlessly at his phone as he nodded and laughed along.

You had all gotten up to wait for Eren. Jean said there might be plans after this was over.

Annie lingered behind with Mikasa and Armin, quietly watching and waiting for Eren to come out.

You stayed back, standing more alone as you watched people drift off into the night.

You spotted Smith stop Eren by the foot of the small stage, a hand on his shoulder. Eren nodded once in acknowledgement, sending him a tight smile before catching eyes with the group.

His hair was falling out of his tie, his sleeves rolled up as he walked toward all of you. There was an ink stain on the side of his wrist.

Armin said something to him first, something you couldn't hear. Eren's eyes softened, his hand squeezing Armin's elbow. Mikasa came up and tugged at his hand, a soft, saddened smile on her lips.

Eren murmured something back to her, brushing the hair that brushed her shoulders back gently.

You don't think you've ever seen him so soft before. Last time you watched them interact, Eren slapped their generous hands away, running away from them before they could even attempt to help him.

But this seemed deeper than that. Deeper than their friendship alone.

Mikasa pointed to Smith for a brief moment, Armin adding something, and Eren nodded. Armin and Mikasa left Eren to walk up to Smith.

Then Eren looked at you.

"You came." He tucked his hands in his pockets. "And stayed until the end."

You felt slightly embarrassed. "Yeah. It was interesting."

A beat of silence passed, not uncomfortable. You were thinking about his speech, and he was looking at you like he was trying to read you—head slightly tilted, eyes narrowed just ever so slightly.

You opened your mouth, ready to speak. "Eren, about—"

But then Hitch and Jean loudly interrupted, shaking your thoughts. "Who's blowing up your phone?" Hitch asked. Eren's attention drifted from you to them.

Jean smirked at her in reply. "Connie. He, Sasha, and Reiner are at the lake grilling burgers. They wanna swim later." Everyone turned their attention to them. Hitch's face lit up.

"That sounds like a terrible idea." Annie murmured. "Let's go!" Hitch grinned. Annie sighed in response.

Jean pockets his phone as he spins his keys around one finger. "You in?" He asked, looking at you. You glanced back at Mikasa and Armin, who were wrapping up their conversation with Smith.

"Sure." You replied, glancing at Hitch who threw a fist in the air excitedly. Jean glanced at Eren, who nodded. "Sure, I'll go."

Jean's brows raised, as if he were surprised. "Really?"

"You said everyone's going, right?" Eren shrugged carelessly, a lazy smile tugging at his lips. "Wouldn't wanna ruin the definition."

Hitch laughed at his, hand grabbing Annie's arm, surprised Eren made a joke.

Mikasa and Armin join up behind Eren. Jean explained to them what you've all decided on. They agreed to go.

You, Hitch, Annie, and Jean piled into his car, while Armin and Mikasa rode with Eren.

The night was damp and timeless, cicadas singing as Jean rolled the windows down, passing the aux cord to Hitch, who grinned in the passenger seat.

Jean played one song you didn't know. It sounded sad, but at the same time heavy with drums and electric guitar. When Hitch yanked her phone back after his disaster of a song. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield blasted through the speakers.

"I am unwritten, can't read my mind. I'm undefined! I'm just beginning the pens in my hand, ending unplanned!" Hitch sang loudly—dramatically—one hand waving in the air as she danced in her seat.

You couldn't help but laugh, Jean glancing back from the rear view mirror. He had his own lopsided grin on his face.

Hitch turned to look at you, wind whipping through her dirty blonde curls as she pointed at you. You pointed back, singing the lyrics to her. Jean lifted a half-empty water bottle to Hitch's mouth, mocking a mic as she continued to sing.

"Staring at the blank page before you. OPEN UP THE DIRTY WINDOW! Let the sun ILLUMINATE THE WORDS THAT YOU CANNOT FIND!"

You laughed as she clapped along to the bridge, singing loudly with her as you leaned forward in the back seat, cheek pressed against Jean's headrest.

"REACHING FOR SOMETHING IN THE DISTANCE, SO CLOSE YOU CAN ALMOST TASTE IT. RELEASE YOUR INHIBITIONS. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN!" Jean screamed out the window.

"NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL IT FOR YOU. ONLY YOU CAN LET IT IN. NO ONE ELSE. NO ONE ELSE CAN SPEAK THE WORDS ON YOUR LIPS!"

The wind stung your eyes and your hair was whipping across your face. But there was something so alive about this moment, that you didn't care.

You grabbed one of Annie's hands and wiggled your hips in your seat, pretending to dance. "Come on, Annie!" You told her.

She cracked a smile at that, mouthing the words.

"DRENCH YOURSELF IN WORDS UNSPOKEN, LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH ARMS WIDE OPEN. TODAY IS WHERE YOUR BOOK BEGINS, THE REST IS STILL UNWRITTEN!" You all shouted, completely out of sync and possibly off key, and yet perfectly happy about it.

A smile tugged on Annie's lips as Hitch and Jean attempted a really bad riff.

Laughter filled every corner of the car, bouncing through the lowered windows and into the endless night. Hitch was throwing her arms out the window, eyes closed and cheeks flushed, like she could touch the wind.

Jean glanced over at her, lips spread into a charming smile, yelling something at her that you couldn't hear over the music.

Annie leaned her head back, eyes on Hitch. She small smile on her face never faded. She looked content.

And so were you. The song lyrics looped around in your chest. Filling your heart with childlike joy. It didn't matter that the night would end and you'd all go home, probably never reliving this moment again.

Something about that moment made you feel like you belonged. That you were finally gaining the socialization you have always wanted.

When you finally pulled up, Reiner was flipping meat on a grill. Connie and Sasha were already there. Dancing to some other song in their bathing suits, drinks in hand in the bed of Reiner's red truck.

"Man, that was good." Hitch exhaled. "Yeah, we gotta play it again." Jean added as he parked.

And then there was silence.

Just the sound of Connie and Sasha giggling, the grill, and the crickets.

Jean gave Hitch an evil grin., and as if they could read each other's minds, they raced out of the car. Clothes dropped carelessly onto the ground as they raced to the lake, jumping in with screams and laughter.

A couple of other cars pulled in as you and Annie carefully climbed out of Jean's car. Historia and Ymir hopped out of one. Historia wore a frilly pink bathing suit, sunglasses atop her head even though there wasn't any sun out.

Ymir held a case of beer over her shoulder, locking the car as Historia ran down to greet Sasha and Connie.

Hitch's voice carried from over the water, "Annie! Get in!" She called. Jean waved to the two of you. "Yeah, get in!"

You glanced at Annie, shrugging with a smile before shedding your clothes to your undergarments and running into the cold lake water.

You shrieked as the water prickled your skin, dunking your head under. You came up for large gulps of air.

Jean and Hitch laughed beside you, but Hitch grabbed your elbow to ensure you were okay.

Eren's car then pulled in, and heads turned in their direction.

You wiped your thumbs under your eyes as you cracked them open, peering enough to see Eren, Mikasa, and Armin all getting out of the car.

Armin instantly greeted you in the water, waving as he took his shoes off. Mikasa didn't follow, going to stand beside Annie instead.

Connie and Sasha united on either side of Armin, grabbed one of his wrists, and went running at full speed into the lake until they tumbled in.

Sasha and Connie both came up in laughing fits, whereas Armin pushed his hair from his forehead and shivered.

"Come on, Eren! Get in!" He called, motioning a shaving hand to him. Eren leaned against his car, expression stern.

"Yeah, get in, Jaeger!" Jean yelled. Eren didn't move. He just watched. "What?" Jean called, "You too philosophical to get in?"

"The water isn't going to drown you in metaphors." Hitch added. "Oh, please." Eren started, eyes narrowed, but a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "It wasn't that deep."

Armin shrugged, "I mean, it wasn't a deep speech. But it was good."

"Oh, no, it was really deep." Hitch murmured sarcastically.

"Were you even able to comprehend half of what I said in my speech, Hitch?" Eren leaned off of his car with a playful eye-roll, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head.

"I didn't pay attention." She shrugged.

It felt too intimate to watch when he began to unbutton his pants. So, you turned away to look at Hitch. Who was mindlessly staring.

"Yeah, you did." You heard him say from behind you.

You heard a couple of splashes of water before you caught Eren near the corner of your vision, grinning at Jean and Armin.

"Y/n thought it was good" Jean added, sending a small teasing splash your way. Eren turned to face you, his hair now down and slicked back. He raised a brow, "Just good?"

Jean snorted, "What? You want her to say you should be the next philosophy professor?"

Eren grinned, quick and sharp before raising his hand from under the water and flinging it straight into Jean's face.

Jean sputtered, arms coming up defensively, "What the—! Jaeger! You got piss water in my eyes!" He wailed. Sasha and Connie leaned back with loud, manic laughter.

Eren was laughing too, the sound was easy and unguarded.

Mikasa slipped out of her clothes eventually. Annie followed behind as they slowly walked into the water together.

Annie fixed her bun as she found a spot next to Hitch.

Jean whistled, "Look who decided to join us." He offered a hand to Mikasa, who took it. He helped her further into the water.

Despite accepting his kind gesture, she murmured, "Shut it."

Connie swam over, splashing as he did, "Groups not the same without the scary dogs!"

"Scary?" Annie raised a brow, Mikasa cracking a smile as the water reached her shoulders. Sasha spoke a few feet away from everyone else, floating on her back. "Yeah! I mean I'd feel safe walking alone at night so long as Mikasa was two feet away!" She yelled.

Laughter circled the group.

Armin swam closer to where most of you huddled in the water. "You know, for a bunch of college students, I feel like we don't do relaxing activities like this."

Connie shook his head from where he swam, "Not me! I feel enlightened." He grinned.

Jean rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well you also had a lot to drink."

Hitch laughed, "If Connie were to write a paper on Philosophy, there he has it." She put her hands up as if the words were floating in the air. "Transcendence through intoxication."

"You know, I feel like if worded right, it would get a pretty good grade." Historia added from where she sat, perched dry on Ymir's lap in one of the foldable chairs they brought.

"Smith might like it." Eren muttered, wading closer toward you. "He'd say something like 'Excellent point, Spinger.'"

You smiled at him, "You'd probably try to counter it. 'I think that answer was bullshit.'"

Eren's eyes widened just for a second before he chuckled, "Ah. Yeah. Well, what can I say?" He shrugged one shoulder, "I know what I'm talking about."

Jean groaned, "Oh, here he goes again. You think you're such a protagonist, Eren."

"You're just jealous I have enough brain cells to actually form an intellectual thought." Eren fired back.

"Big word for you, pretty boy." Jean rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well do you understand it?" Eren leaned forward, tilting his head to truly mock Jean.

Hitch covered her mouth as she watched.

"Do you? You're always talking high and might like you're better than everyone else."

"I'm just better than you."

Jean splashed him, having no comeback.

Eren suddenly lunged, water exploding into chaos. Jean screamed somewhere as arms and legs flailed.

Everyone jumped back as the two nearly tried to drown each other.

"Hey! Enough!" Reiner called from where he stood beside Ymir and Historia, still working on the grill.

Armin yelled something, Sasha shrieking as you Hitch died with laughter. Mikasa leaned in, trying to separate them like she was wrangling toddlers.

"I swear they'll always be fifteen." Annie added quietly to you and Hitch. "Definitely." You agreed, watching Eren duck and pull Jean into the water with him.

Laughter echoed across the lake. After Jean got far enough away, he coughed up water. "Okay! Okay! Dammit!" He sputtered.

Eren got up, water pooling by his waist as he flexed a bicep. Reiner whistled at that as Connie jumped on Eren's back.

Reiner's voice carried across the water, breaking the sound of laughter. "Hey, burgers are ready! Get your asses over here before they get cold!"

And with that, one by one, everyone started getting out.

Jean was swiping water from his eyes, Sasha behind him, clinging to one of his shoulders while trying to look at how red his eyes were.

Armin and Mikasa went to Eren's car to towel off. Annie and Hitch climbed out too. Annie brushed wet curly rings of hair off Hitch's forehead.

You stayed behind. You knew it would be too cold to get out, especially when you didn't have a towel.

And Eren also hadn't moved.

He floated on his back, eyes closed. His hair spilled dark, like ink in the water.
When Mikasa noted how far he was drifting, she called out to him, "Eren! Don't go too far!"

He didn't answer. Didn't open his eyes. He just lifted one arm to pump a thumbs-up in the air before bringing it down again.

You sank deeper into the water, and it cooled your chin as you watched him silently.

Mikasa called Eren's name again.

"Relax, Mikasa," he called out, voice carrying low over the ripples. "I just wanted to see how far I could..."

He turned and stopped when he saw you behind him. "...go."

"Sorry," You said softly, the word almost lost to the water between you.

"It's fine." He replied. "Didn't realize you were the lifeguard type."

"I'm not." You said, feeling a droplet of water go down the slope of your nose. "I just...don't wanna leave. It'll be cold and I didn't bring a towel."

Eren nodded, a faint smile on his lips. "You sound like Mikasa."

Your eyes narrowed. "Do I?"

Eren shrugged, "She can be picky like that."

"Picky?" You raised a brow.

Eren hummed in reply. "Yeah. Most of my friends seem to be anyway."

Something in your chest lurched. And Eren caught the uncertainty in your gaze, "What?"

You blinked, "Nothing."

He tilted his head, "You look surprised?"

You didn't say anything.

"Is it because I implied we were friends?" Eren asked, a small smile spread on his lips.

"Well...no." You lied.

Eren shook his head, "Damn. I thought we were. At least—with how often we run into each other outside of class, you know?"

You blinked, still caught off guard. "I...guess."

A pause passed between the two of you. Eren just watched you.

"What? You want me to ask you to be friends?" You raised a brow. When he didn't reply, you added, "We aren't in kindergarten."

"No, I guess not. But you were unsure of where we stood."

"Yeah, because we're partners for one of our classes."

"That doesn't mean we can't be friends."

You raised your brows, "You wanna be friends?"

Eren smiled, teeth flashing, "Yes, I'd love to be your friend. That wasn't too hard, was it?"

You gasped, "That wasn't too — I wasn't—" You released a second heavy breath. Eren was one breath away from bursting into laughter.

And finally, the two of you laughed, easy and real, the kind that just slipped out before you could stop it.

"I imagine you don't come out here a lot?" Eren asked, changing the subject quickly. "Ah, yeah. Never, actually." You replied.

Eren hummed in reply, "You're not from here?"

You shook your head. "No. I'm from Stohess." His brows shot up, "The city?" He questioned. You nodded once in response.

He whistled lowly. "Shit. So you must not be used to the quiet then? Cool air like this?"

"No. Not at all." You chuckled. "Are you from here?"

Eren shook his head, leaning his head back slightly, dark hair falling into the water again. "No. I'm from a small town called Shiganshina." He said, words soft, delicate on his tongue.

You couldn't recall a town called Shiganshina.

"It's really small. Forgotten. Unknown. I doubt you city girl would know it." Eren smiled, tilting his head to peer at you.

"Oh." You breathed. Eren shrugged, releasing a breath. "It's more like a village, honestly. But I grew up there. Had a little cottage with my parents. Before mom passed and dad left home."

His eyes stared up at the star-freckled sky. "I lived with my brother for a while. Until I turned 18. Moved to Trost with Armin and Mikasa. Shared an apartment for a while. Now I've got my own." Eren shrugged. "It's nice here. Small enough to make me think of home, but big enough for me not to get too depressed about it."

"Thanks for sharing." You murmured. Eren's lips twitched as he shrugged a shoulder, like it didn't matter. But you knew it did.

"You visit home?" You asked carefully.

"Not often." Eren replied, "Armin's grandfather used to own a beach house about 45 minutes from my village. We used to go there." A pause. "We haven't been in 3 years."

You hummed in reply. "So, I take it you like the beach?"

Eren smiled, one that had a familiar memory attached to it. "Yeah. Back home, there aren't many big pools of water. Armin read in a book that he wanted to see the sea."

Another pause.

"I thought it was stupid. But it gave him something to dream about, you know? Something to look forward to. I guess...I wanted an ambition like that too."

"So, when we visited for the first time during High School Graduation with all of our friends, it truly felt like a dream come true."

You nodded. "Sounds like fun."

"It was." He breathed.

You drifted closer to him without meaning to. You blamed the pull of the water.

The pause between you weighed heavily.

You were reminded of the last time he opened up. How you had tried to change his opinion even though he had shared a traumatizing experience with you.

Eren looked away, running a hand through his slick hair, pushing it back.

"Eren." You murmured quietly. He hummed, still not really looking at you. "I never apologized to you."

His brow furrowed, eyes finally flicked back to you. "What for?"

"For last week...when we switched notebooks." You took a small breath, your voice carrying softly above the water. "I shouldn't have said anything about your mom. About what was moral and what wasn't moral about hers and your situation. It was unfair. I had no right to give my opinion on the heavy subject."

You glanced away, unable to meet his gaze.

"I thought that maybe I was helping but...watching you on stage today, I realize it wasn't my place."

He didn't answer. Just stared down at you intently.

"I didn't mean to try to tell you how you should be feeling. Those feelings—they're yours. I shouldn't have tried to make them make sense for you." You added, throat tightening. "I'm sincerely sorry." You finally said, glancing up for a moment.

Eren let out a soft breath, not quite a sigh. "You're not the first person to try." He glanced up, at the group, just for a moment—but it was impossible to miss.

"I'm really sorry, Eren." You said again, and he raised a hand. "You don't have to apologize. But...I appreciate it anyway." He smiled faintly.

Your chest tightened. You nodded slowly, water sliding between your fingers as you strummed them through the small ripples.

A faint smirk tugged at his lips, leaving the tense-filled air behind. "Guess that's something friends do, huh?"

"Guess so." You murmured, sending him a smile in return.

Silence passed again, and Eren looked off into the distance. To where the trees crossed and blurred over the horizon.

"You ever wonder how many people vanish here?" You suddenly asked. Eren looked down at you, one brow raised, "Trust me, someone would notice."

You didn't quite agree or disagree with that.

"What if it were me?" Eren asked.

"I'd notice." You replied. Eren attempted not to smile.

"It'd be hard to get a good grade on my partner project without my partner." You added playfully, and his smile widened.

"You're funny." He laughed. "Thank you." You bowed your head.

"Come on." Eren tilted his head toward the shore. "Let's head back. I'll fetch my towel for you."

You shook your head, "Oh, you don't have to. I'll be fine."

He gave you a serious look. "Come on, we're friends now." He didn't even let you reply before treading toward the shore. You sighed, following behind him.

When the ground finally rose beneath your feet and your arms made it out of the thick water, a cool shiver ran down your spine.

Eren was quick to walk to his car, digging in his backseat before slinging a black towel over his shoulder.

Sand clung to your ankles as you made it past the shoreline, arms tight across your chest.

You walked toward Eren as he walked back to you.

"You two were gone a while." Mikasa said to Eren, watching him open up the towel and drape it over your shoulders.

You thanked him quietly. "We got lost." Eren simply shrugged, walking toward Reiner for a plate.

Mikasa eyed you as you walked by, finding a spot beside Hitch by the fire pit Reiner had started. "Lost, huh?" She smirked.

"Don't start." You sighed.

Jean, halfway through his burger, pointed toward the lake. "You two saw something out there?"

"Just your ego." Eren smirked, sinking beside Mikasa near the pit. Jean rolled his eyes.

You heard Armin argue with Connie about the constellations. Historia and Ymir chatted quietly. Reiner teased Annie about something, bumping her shoulder with his as she pretended not to scowl.

Across the fire, Eren caught your gaze once. Brief and unspoken, before he glanced away again.

The moment a cool blow of cold wind slid across your skin, you wrapped the towel tighter around your shoulders. "I'm gonna get dressed." You murmured to no one in particular as you got up to fetch your clothes.

You put your clothes back on behind Jean's car, and by the time you came back, the fire pit was empty. Only Eren sat in front, legs spread, elbows on his knees.

It looked like everyone was crowded over Reiner's truck bed.

Eren leaned forward, fishing a cigarette from his pocket along with a lighter. You watched from where you stood across the fire pit. The flame lighting up his face, smoke curling in the dark.

"You smoke?" He asked, eyes flicking toward you. "Uh—no. But thanks." You said, moving to sit just a foot away from him.

Eren shrugged, bringing the blunt to his lips again.

Connie, from where he was talking to Reiner, noted the faint glow of the cigarette and bounced over. "Yo, Eren's lighting up? Let me hit man!"

"Get lost." Eren groaned, attempting to shrug Connie off, but he wouldn't budge.

Connie nudged Eren, "Come onnn! Don't be greedy."

With a roll of his eyes, Eren passed the cigarette to Connie, who took a slow drag. He exhaled softly, closing his eyes. Eren made a face at you. You couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny?" Connie asked, passing the blunt back to Eren, who inspected it before taking another drag.

"You don't smoke?" Connie asked you. You shook your head, "Never had a reason to try it."

"Well, now you do! You wanna try?" He said, eyes widening as he grinned.

"Stop being a bad influence." Eren murmured. "Hey, you're the one who lit this up!" Connie shot back, waving a hand to clear the smoke Eren blew in his face.

"She's too good for it." Eren said, and before you could protest, he added, "She barely drank at the party." You arched a brow at him, "You keeping track of me or something?"

Eren looked at you through the haze of smoke, lips curling, "I notice things."

"Notice or judge?"

"Whatever makes me sound better."

You rolled your eyes at that. Eren chuckled.

"Well, I do drink." You tried to play it cool. "Barely." Eren scoffed, his laugh low and teasing.

You crossed your arms. "Pass it to me then." Connie and Eren exchanged glances. "I'll smoke." You huffed.

Eren shook his head, "Bad idea."

"Yes!" Connie said, practically at the same time.

"You don't need to if you don't want to." Eren spoke softly, "You don't have to prove anything."

"I want to," You said stubbornly, "I just wanna try something new."

"Right." He took a slow breath, leaned closer to you, and exhaled, smoke unfurling right across your face.

You blinked, coughing as you waved the cloud away. "Don't be an asshole about it!" You sputtered. Eren laughed in response. "You do realize that to smoke you have to inhale the smoke?" He teased.

Connie laughed, but your frown only deepened, eyes glaring.

"Come on, Eren. We can't be having all the fun." Connie finally teased, bumping Eren's knee.

One of Eren's brows lifted, and Connie yanked the blunt from him. "Hey!" Eren turned to protest, but Connie had already passed the blunt to you.

You held it between your fingers, inexperienced and nervous. You could feel both of their eyes on you. Anticipating. You glanced from them to the blunt, slowly bringing it between your lips.

The second you inhaled, you violently coughed, sputtering over your own breath. Connie doubled over laughing, Eren scooting closer to you, smiling as he did.

"Yeah." Eren plucked the blunt from you, "Thought so."

You wheezed, eyes watering. "God, it burns."

"That's kind of the point." Eren said, taking a drag like it's nothing. "Let me try again." You said once you finally recovered. Connie shook his head at that, "Oh no. She's hopeless."

Eren sighed, low and gravelly. "Just..." He trailed off, eyes flicking to the blunt before they settled on you. His jaw flexed and then relaxed. Finally, he shook his head and shifted to sit closer to you.

The grass rustled under him. His knee brushed yours. You froze.

He was close now. Too close.

Close enough to where you could feel the warmth of his breath against your jaw, each exhale laced with that poisoned smoke. One of his hands reached out, steadying the back of your neck. His thumb grazed the base of your neck, grounding you. Like he needed to keep you still.

Your lips parted, exhaling softly as you looked up at him. Suddenly, everything blurred together. Sasha's laughter in the background, the flickering fire, Connie's comments.

It blended together, making everything seem fuzzy, and the only thing you could focus on was that stormy green of Eren's eyes. They weren't sharp. They were steady, soft, deliberate.

"Relax," He murmured, his voice quiet but sure. The other hand lifted the cigarette to your lips. His hand at your neck gently pulled you closer, his nose hardly brushing your cheekbone.

"I've got you." He whispered, and you store your pulse almost tripped over itself.

Connie raised a brow, sprawled back a few feet away, hands planted on the ground behind him.

"Breathe, and hold." Eren instructed quietly, "Try swallowing instead of coughing, and then release." Eren spoke softly, like he was telling you a secret. You nodded, half dazed.

His hand didn't leave the base of your neck. It was warm and steady.

You leaned toward the blunt, lips wrapping around the edge where his lips were just seconds ago.

Connie grinned, muttering something snarky as he watched. Your eyes still on Eren.

You took in a slow, painful breath. The taste hit you instantly. Bitter and sharp. Your brows furrowed at the foul taste in the back of your throat, but you didn't cough.

Eren nodded as you let it sit, pulling the blunt from your lips. His eyes didn't leave you for a second. Patient. "Good."

You exhaled slowly, a soft cloud of smoke curling between you.

Eren's hands slipped from you, the back of your neck suddenly cold. Connie clapped dramatically. "That was...cinematic." He cheered. "Damn, you need to get a room."

"Didn't think you had it in you." Eren smiled, ignoring Connie's comments. "You dick." You laughed shakily, "I almost died on it the first time."

"And you didn't the second time." He leaned back on an elbow. "I told you I had you."

You couldn't help the flush that warmed your face.

"Connie!" Sasha's voice echoed between the trees. He glanced up, and she held up a large bag of chips.

"Give me a sec." Connie stood, clapping away dirt from his hands as he jogged off.

You glanced at the blunt again. Eren caught your look, raising a brow. "I'm not fragile." You tilted your head at him. "Sure. Not like 'you almost died on it.'" Eren quoted back at you.

You rolled your eyes at him.

He passed the cigarette to you anyway, fingers brushing yours. The next hit you took still burned, but it warmed your chest. The fuzziness spread, and it felt like the entire world had gone quieter, softer.

Eren watched you through the smoke, half smiling. Ymir plopped down beside you, Historia beside Eren.

"Survived your first smoke?" Historia smiled, eyes shining at you. "Barely," You laughed, "I think I lost half a lung."

"Don't listen to her." Eren cut in, "She took it like a pro." He teased, causing you to send him a knowing glare.

"Well, Eren tried to teach me how to shotgun a while back and I nearly drowned in beer." Historia explained with a short giggle. "Yeah, if Eren's teaching you bad habits, you're doomed." Ymir added with a nudge of her shoulder.

Eren rolled his eyes, "It's called bonding."

"I didn't know you two were smoking buddies." Ymir smirked at you.

I blinked, "We're not. We just kinda..started talking."

"Right." Ymir hummed. "He's only nice when he's interested." She teased.

Eren raised a brow, "You drunk, Ymir?" She shrugged, "No. Just observant. You've been together a lot." She looked over at Eren carefully. "Just...wondering how you're doing is all."

"Ymir." Historia warned carefully, still half smiling.

"Well, we share a class." Eren explained. "I was just wondering, Jaeger, no need to get defensive. Was wondering when you'd date again. You know...after Mikasa." Ymir leaned back.

Your eyes narrowed, moving from Ymir to Eren, whose brows were knitted together. "What?"

"Nothing." Historia shook her head at Ymir.

"We dated." Eren looked at you, "It didn't work out. It was a long time ago."

"Oh." You hesitated, thinking back to when Ymir mentioned that before.

"It's not something I advertise." Eren added. Ymir shrugged, unfazed, "It wasn't something you kept secret either. You two were practically joined from the hip."

Eren leaned forward, "Yeah, well, people grow up and outgrow each other."

Ymir scoffed, "You didn't outgrow Mikasa and you know it."

"What about you?" Historia turned to you, trying to cut the tension. "Oh. No, I'm not seeing anyone." You replied. "Good." Ymir sighed, "Campus boys are trouble."

Eren took a hit of his nearly burnt out blunt, "You don't say?" He raised a brow.

The group broke with laughter before Historia got up, "I'm getting a drink. Come with?" She asked Ymir, who sent Eren a look you couldn't read before getting up to follow Historia without another word.

Eren sighed, passing you the blunt.

You took in a breath, not too hard. "You okay?" You asked, fingers brushing again when you passed it back to him.

Eren leaned back, "I don't know why people ask me questions they already know the answers to."

You tilted your head.

"I'm not bothered," He mumbled, more like he was trying to convince himself, "Just...tired of being reminded of things I'm trying to let go of."

You glanced down at your hands, "Ymir can definitely be an instigator."

"She's honest. I know she...she just likes to remind us of what's real." He explained slowly. "Most people fill in the blanks, you know? Make stories out of scraps of what they hear about me."

You shrugged, "I mean..it's none of my business. Whether I have questions or not." That earned a faint smirk from Eren. "You'd be the first."

You pulled your knees to your chest, watching the embers in the fire pit crackle. "So I assume you don't talk about it, then?"

"About Mikasa?"

You nodded.

"We were just kids." He said, eyes fixed as he looked down at the dead grass beneath him. "Kids who thought we could save each other. But we were wrong." He shrugged before looking back at you.

"Sounds sad." You frowned.

Eren sighed, "We just weren't who we needed for each other back then. After mom died.." His lips twitched. You watched his brows crease, like he was struggling to remember.

The flames of the fire between you flickered in his eyes, like he was somewhere else entirely.

"After she died, everything changed." His voice had gone sharp, pained, "Like the world stopped trying." A deep breath, "Like the sky had forgotten how to be blue."

You leaned closer, your brows creasing softly as you listened. "I'm sorry, Eren."

He only shrugged, sending you a soft, saddened smile. He took one last drag before handing it over to you. "Go on. Last hit."

You took it, exhaled, and gave it back. The taste never got better. But Eren was right, when you found him at that party. That a cigarette quiets. Calms somehow.

Eren crushed the blunt under his shoe, just as Jean yelled for us to pack up. "Hey, let's get going before Sasha passes out!"

When you glance over, she's dangling over Jean's shoulder.

You smiled to yourself and stood, passing the towel that draped over your shoulders to Eren.

His eyes passed over you as he took it.

Armin and Mikasa passed by, cleaning up cans and bottles, and trash from the ground.

Hitch was recording everything, catching the exact moment Jean tripped over a branch. She laughed as Annie draped her jacket over Hitch's shoulders.

Hitch called your name, and you walked up as Jean helped Sasha into Reiner's truck. "You're with us, yeah?" Jean asked, glancing back at you three. "Uh, yeah." You replied.

You waved goodbye to everyone before getting into Jean's car. Noting Eren helping Armin and Mikasa. He didn't turn to give you a farewell.

This time, Jean let you into the front—just like the first night you had met and he drove you home after work.

Hitch and Annie quietly sat in the back.

It was so dark outside you swore you were dreaming, your head buzzed, and light.

Behind you, the lake disappeared between the trees. You thought back to your conversation with Eren as you gazed out the window. About grief and the sky.

Jean hummed along to the radio, but you all sat silently—too tired to say anything.

Your hair still smelled faintly of firewood. Your throat was still sore from the cigarette.

Hitch's head fell onto Annie's shoulder, who didn't seem to care as she didn't move.

You didn't mind this silence. In fact, if the night had never ended, you wouldn't have complained.