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It was the early morning. The sun peeking out of the buildings in the distance, casting a white light into the house. A hand reached for the door, a hesitant nervousness weighing it down.
"Where are you going?" A voice asked from the stairs, startled out of sleep.
"...I don't want to be here anymore." The person replied, shaking as the hand held onto the handle.
"Take me with you."
And with that, their journey started.
The morning train station was bustling. Businessmen looking at their phones, students yawning as they battled their sleep, the cold morning air cutting into their lungs. The companion didn't question why her friend had suddenly decided to head to the beach. Maybe it was because the expression she was wearing was unlike anything she had seen.
"I just thought..." Her friend said slowly, hugging her backpack in her arms as the train tredded past the city.
"I have nothing left there." She said, her voice holding a familiar emptiness to her companion.
I don't believe in that. A hopeful statement crawled up to the companion's throat, however she abandoned the thought. It would only be lies to her friend right now. Their phones buzzed. Neither of them bothered to look.
Guilt and shame was something that followed the two in their daily lives. It was weird, because as soon as they embarked on their journey, their heads were quiet. Guilt wasn't whispering about all of the wrong she had committed, shame wasn't reminding how useless she was.
Or at least, that's what the companion thought as she watched her friend eat some ramen. It was a worn down shop in the train station, not particularly famous. The broth tasted of nothing as she chewed on her noodles.
"...I'm tired of guilt and shame following me." The girl said, suddenly putting her chopsticks down. Her companion was surprised, not expecting her friend to be thinking the same thing as her.
I get that. Is that why you're trying to disappear? Again, another question swallowed down and buried.
"Are you done eating?" Was an easier question to ask. The girl nodded, taking her things and leaving the ramen shop. Her friend watched from behind, knowing that look in her eyes. Now she was able to name the emotions swirling in her friend's eyes.
"Parents always seem to ask for a lot." The girl said as they took the bus towards the beachside.
"They want the best for us, no?" Her companion said, looking at her friend instead of the window.
"Do you believe in that?" The girl asked, looking into her friend's eyes.
No.
They both turned their gaze to the window, the unsaid answer hanging in the air.
"Do you think drowning would hurt?" The first question uttered by her friend after the bus ride. The companion looked at her friend as they walked the path to the sandy beaches.
"It would." Said the companion, sipping a water bottle under the scorching summer heat.
"It also wouldn't be a pretty death." She added, thinking of all of the descriptions of corpses she saw on the news.
"There's no such thing as a pretty death." Her friend said, with a smile that looked more like a grimace.
"There's no such thing as a painless death." The companion said in a clipped tone.
"If I die... Someone else would probably have to take care of the aftermath." The girl said in a quiet voice.
Isn't that what you've been doing for your whole life?
"I would hate to give that responsibility to someone." The girl finished.
"You still care about the others." Her companion said softly, looking into the girl's eyes.
The eyes that still wanted to disappear. The eyes that didn't really care about whether death hurt. The eyes she hated to see.
The blue ocean was right in front of them. The ripples of the waves crashing onto the sand.
"Well, we're here."
The girl said, looking oddly satisfied as they arrived at their destination.
"Thank you for joining me... Mafuyu." The girl said, smiling kindly. The kind of smile that carried the weight of the world, the kind of smile that came from a saviour. The kind of smile that came from Kanade.
"Are you happy?" Mafuyu asked, looking at Kanade.
"This is the end of my journey. I don't know whether I'm happy or... whether I'm sad." Kanade said, her eyes taking in the view of the ocean. Mafuyu stared at her.
"Where are you going to now?"
"I'm going to disappear."
"Take me with you."
Kanade's head whipped around, her eyes suddenly carrying fear.
"No, Mafuyu. You need to go back. You still have a place to be."
You're not a damned soul like me
"I'm not leaving you alone."
You're my saviour. You promised to save me. Be with me.
Silence rang between them. Heavy silence, where an unknown tension ran high.
"If I'm going back, you need to come with me." Mafuyu said finally and sternly. Kanade looked at her oddly.
"There's nothing left for me there..."
"There's Mizuki and Ena. Honami. Me."
"I'm tired of living in guilt and shame..."
"You don't have to. You just need to learn how not to."
"I'm tired of living by my father's words... I'm tired of living to save others."
"You don't have to. Sometimes saviours need saving."
"I'm tired of being responsible for everything..."
"I'll take that responsibility."
Finally, the tension seemed to loosen. Kanade looked at Mafuyu with a tired smile.
"You know I'm too weak to be a saviour right now... right? Even if you make these promises, I can't do anything in return..."
"I'm not asking you to. Just please, stay."
The desperation in Mafuyu's voice, the hint of tears, her firm grasp on Kanade's hands. That was enough to break Kanade.
"O-okay."
Tears fell down rapidly, Kanade holding Mafuyu's hand tight.
"I'll stay."