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There was a big house fire, right infront of their house. She was watching from the window. Because the sirens made it hard to sleep. No one could escape that fire. Ambulances went back empty. 2 dead bodies were found. A young girl and her father. As she heard from the news, the girl was 17, and was going to the same highschool as her. But she didnt recognize her from the pictures that was shown on the news. It wasnt a coincidence. She didnt know anyone from school. She didnt have any friends. And her memory isnt working well. She forgets a lot. Just like the house fire that happened last night and she went straight back to sleep after. Only to be reminded from the news, anouncements at school, and people talking about it all the time. “They still dont know what caused the fire, some people say it was purposely made to kill them, but they have no proof.” She heard from the girls sitting next to her. *Why do they even care this much about other peoples lifes?* She asked herself. She never understood.
After school, she was walking home, listening to her favorite songs on her headphone. Not paying attention to anything happening around her. Her head always down. Until she bumped into someone who was a lot taller than her. From her body type she realized it was a girl. *She’s huge.* She didnt want to talk so she walked away without even looking at her face. “You could atleast say sorry” The girl yelled behind her back. But she kept walking. She was close to her house anyways. She just wanted to lock herself back in her room, not having to deal with anyone.
She unlocked the door and checked if anyone’s back. No, she was all alone. So she could go to kitchen for a snack. She grabbed a bowl of chips and went back to her dark, but tidy room. She turned on the night light, becuase she didnt like bright lights in her room. After hours of watching anime on her bed, she decided that she wanted to open the windows for some fresh air. Because the chips had a strong smell and she couldnt ignore it anymore. When she opened the window, there was a girl outside. “Surprize!”
“What- What are you doing here!”
“I followed you here and waited for you to notice me”
“WHY?!”
“You still didnt apologize.” She looked inside the room. “Is that an orama koma buramako figurine? I gotta see that. Can I come in?" She jumped in from the window without waiting for an answer.
“Hey! I dont allow starngers in my room! In fact, I dont allow anyone!”
“You have posters too? İts so cool”
“Seriosly, get out before I call someone”
“Nice wig. You like to dress up as different characters?”
“Yea…”
“I do that too.”
“Really?”
“Yea. Let me show you a picture” She took out her phone to show her a picture of herself in cosplay.
“That very impressive. How do you make the wig look so soft?” After that, she forgot that the girl literally broke in to her room. They talked for a long time without even noticing. People always finds her weird, so its been a very very long time since she talked about herself. But she realized something else. This stranger was just like her! She was a very talll girl for the people in this town. She had short brown hair, and overdressed everyday. She had a different style. After she took of her red contact lenses, whch she uses as an accesory, she learned that her eyes are a very dark brown. And at the end, she told her name was Jade before she was leaving, and Elle told her name too.
It was a perfect night, until Jade left. The bad thoughts started coming to her. Why did she let a dangerous older girl to her house without questioning? She couldve called someone for help. There was only one answer for this. She was lonely. Secretly she wanted someone so bad that she didnt care what type of person they are. But she still couldnt admit this to herself. She wouldnt let herself. She hardly slept that night, with an amount of sleeping pills she shouldnt have been taking.
The other day Elle hardly woke up, made hersef her favorite coffee, then started to walk toward the school while drinkig it. It was freezing cold outside. While she was walking, she saw Jade again. “Hey Elle!” This time Elle didnt ignore her, but she didnt answer either. She kept walking as Jade was following her. “Last night was great, I wanted to see you again so bad. So I decided to wait here, where we met yesterday, so I would find you.” *She waited? For me? Why would anyone do that for me?* “We’re already at school. I have to go now. Wait for me after the classes are over” she said before she left. Elle tried not to think about her, but it was impossible. After all, it was the first person that wanted to talk to her in years. She was excited, but it was not a good excitement. She was only thinking about why Jade would want to talk to her. It might be dangerous. But she doesnt want to push her away, for a reson she doesnt even know herself. She just felt like Jade was the right person. But she could be wrong too.
...
Jade was walking to her first class. But she couldnt think about class, at all. And there was a special reason for it today. The pretty girl she met yesterday. No, she wasnt inlove with her. This feeling was much different. Something she cant name. It was very different from love. Like she started feeling alive again. After years of locking herself inside her own mind. She couldnt talk, be around people, she couldnt even talk to her doctors. But after seeing her, and learning a bit about her from around, she knew Elle was perfect. The only one she would need forever. When she sat on her desk, she started to draw, draw her. Jade couldnt stop thinking about her even if she wanted to.
But the joy was replaced with an overwhelming fear 15 minutes later. The worst thing is, she didnt know what is causing her to feel like this. The noises that came from the classroom faded away. She couldnt escape. She started to dig her nails into her arm. She couldnt escape. Blood started to drip down from her arms. But still, she couldnt escape. “Jade!” The teacher called her. “Are you alright?” She nodded. “You’ve made a mess back there. You can go get paper towels and clean that up.” She walked towards the door, trying to ignore all the eyes on her.
She ran to the bathroom. Luckily, no one was there. She washed her face, trying to stop the tears forming in her eyes. After a few seconds later, everything stopped. She didnt felt as much as she was feeling. Only a bit off sadness, nothing more. Everything dissapeared. Left without a warning. She looked at the mirror to herself with empty eyes. *Nothing is going to help me from now…* She felt the last of her tears dry away. She hated that she has to go back, and act like nothing happened. But it was a rule. No matter what, she had togo to class. Or she would be in big trouble.
She forces herself to go back to class. Trying to turn off her emotions. But it never works completely. There is always that small part of sadness left in her. As she was walking, she felt like someone was choking her. It got harder to breathe every step she took. *Why am I doing this to myself? Im not a bad person. I dont deserve these. Right?*
After school, Jade waited Elle infront of thier school. But Elle never came. Jade checked inside their school, she wasnt there. Elle knew they were gonna meet after school. Well, she didnt say yes, but she didnt say no either. So she should’ve been there, waiting for her. Jade’s heart was broken over this girl she met a day ago. But this time when she was left alone on purpose, there was anger instead of sadness. It was a strong feeling, but still she couldnt get herself to hurt Elle, for a reason. So she walked back home.
...
Elle didnt feel bad when she walked away without waiting for Jade. That was the right thing to do. She didnt know jade that well. And she looked dangerous, not to mention that she broke into her house when they first met. It's not because Elle was scared of her, it's because she didnt want more trouble in her life than she’s already got. Friends always bring unnecesary trouble, and theyre not needed. Thats what Elle thinks. She doesnt need her, she doesnt need anyone. She could never understand why people need others.
She heard a knock on the door. She knew it was Jade. “Why didnt you wait for me?” She said in a flat tone. She wasnt even looking at her eyes. Just an empty expression.
“It was too much for me. I’ve decided that youre dangerous for me.”
That words felt like a stab on her heart. But she tried not to show it. “I didnt ever hurt you. So why would you do this?”
“I told you, its not your fault. I just dont feel safe getting involved in relatonaships.”
“You… you are a monster! Dont you have any idea how this makes me feel? I felt something good towards a person first time in my life, and you say its too much for you? Am I even a real person to you? To anyone? Does my thoughts even matter? Am I seen as a human? TELL ME ELLE!”
After that, she stopped talking, moving, basically doing anything. Her eyes looked dead. She was standing still like there was no soul in her body. Elle held her hand and took her inside, to her room. She turned off any light around Jade. She took her to the bed. *That was selfish. But I couldnt help myself. When a person tries to get close, I have to keep them away somehow. But Jade, she is giving me feelings that I’ve never felt before. She feels too valuable to lose. She almost feels… safe.* As Jade was sitting on the bed, with the blanket all around her, Elle deicded to get closer. She leaned onto her chest without telling anything. Jade wasnt thinking so she didnt even noticed her. Elle started to feel a sweet, too sweet, feeling inside her. Jade was making her feel all types of things she never experienced before. It felt like she didnt deserve it. What could’ve she done for feeling these kind of things?
When Jade’s brain finally started working, she realized she was in that same room from the other day. As she looked down, she saw Elle, sleeping on her. *Thats the cutest thing I’ve seen in my life.* She started to play with her hair, being careful not to wake her up. *No, I cant even think of hurting this cute little thing.* She kissed her on her head. That woke Elle up. “Hey, how are you feeling now?”
“Better. Thanks for taking me in.”
“No need to thank me. And I should apologize for running away from you. The truth is, friendships never end good. So I was trying to protect myself from another painful memory”
“You know what? I feel the same. And I think I have a solution. We dont have to call eachother friends. We can call it something else. So the thing between us isnt a bad thing anymore”
“What should we call it?”
“I dont know. I was expecting you’d have ideas”
“Me neither. We dont have to hurry, we’ll have a lot of time to think of a name for it.” Then she realized. “Hey, wont your parents be mad at you for staying out so late?”
“No, they wont even realize I’m outside. When I was younger they would come to my room to check me, but they dont even look at me when I enter”
“Ok then”
“Hey, lets both dress up as boys and go to the mall someday” She aid, because she knew that its time to change the subject. She was too happy to think about painful memories now.
To be continued...