Chapter Text
The car pulled up outside the house. Already, Zak could hear the music thumping. The bass vibrated throughout his body, giving him that intoxicating, buzzing feeling he used to crave. But now he found the prospect of another party exhausting. They were all the same. The same group of pseudo adults grasping for the freedom and lack of responsibilities of childhood. The same lame music drowning out the possibility of actual conversation. The same girls that were fun for the night, but lacked any real substance when the sun rose. This wasn’t the life he wanted anymore. And yet, here he was. And as much as he felt he’d outgrown it, at the end of the day, it still beat another Saturday night alone. The last thing he needed was more time to think about how his life hadn’t turned out at all the way he’d planned it.
He took a deep breath, readying himself for another night of mind-numbing boredom. Just then, a thunderous cheer rose from inside the house. Zak knew that sound; keg stand. He sighed to himself, already bored and not even inside yet. It wasn’t too late to turn around. He could always go home and work on his music. He never minded a little solitude, but lately he’d been getting his fill of it. And the thought of being home alone for the third night this week had him feeling that deep, dark pit of loneliness that was all too reminiscent of his childhood. He didn’t want to go there. Not tonight. Tonight he needed a distraction.
He walked through the door, taking in the familiar scene. Clusters of people gathered, drunken conversation being yelled over the music. Couples had broken away to dance or press up against each other in the nearest dark corner. Bros gathered for shots, toasting to any and everything that kept the alcohol flowing. Yep. He really didn’t want to be here. He needed to find a distraction, and he needed to do it fast.
He headed toward the kitchen, anxious for a little liquid courage.
“Zak!” One of the bros called out. Zak recognized the voice immediately. He turned to see Jason flagging him over. “Come do shots with us! Put some hair on that pasty chest of yours.”
Zak rolled his eyes, but he was actually a little relieved. Jason was an okay guy, easily the least offensive of the group of friends. And Zak was looking to get buzzed quick. He slapped on his best party face, making his way over to the group and accepting a shot glass full of whatever it was they were drinking at the moment.
“Glad you made it, man.” Jason said with a quick slap to Zak’s back.
“Glad to be here.” Zak lied. “What are we toasting to?”
“We were just deciding on that.” Jason laughed. “Got any suggestions?”
“Oh.” Zak thought for a second. Reaching into his memory for one of the many asinine things they'd drunkenly toasted to in the past. “Um...to living with no regrets?”
The group let out a roar of approval, lifting their shots into the center. Zak took a moment to scan the group. It was the crowd faces he’d come to expect from so many similar nights. But his eyes locked with one unfamiliar face across the circle. He was young guy, younger than Zak. He stood tall and unassuming against the group of rowdy, overgrown frat boys. Zak might not have even noticed him if it wasn’t for his eyes. They were a rich chocolate brown and Zak found that the longer he looked at them, the harder it was to look away. The younger man looked back, eyebrows furrowed quizzically. Zak felt heat rush to his face as he realized he was staring. He broke eye contact, quickly training his eyes to his glass and joining in half-heartedly as the group toasted to no regrets. He drank the shot down eagerly, feeling the heat of it as it crawled down his throat to warm his stomach. He accepted another pour and took it down immediately, not even bothering to toast along with the others. He was careful to keep his eyes on anyone but the other man, smiling and laughing along to jokes he wasn’t listening to.
When the warmth of a the alcohol had reached his legs, he decided to take a break from the shot bros and switch to beer. He was all for getting a little tipsy, but piss drunk wasn’t really his thing these days. He excused himself from the group, laughing off the heckling he received and headed for the kitchen where he knew the keg would be. The shots had been a nice distraction, but he was feeling prepped and ready for something that could keep him busy the rest of the night. He surveyed the area. He recognized nearly every woman he saw and had either made out or struck out with each and every one of them. He nodded ‘hello’ to a couple of people as he passed, determined to get to the keg uninterrupted this time. As he turned into the kitchen, he spotted an unfamiliar woman pouring herself a beer. Bingo.
She cursed quietly as her beer foamed over the sides of her cup. Zak chuckled to himself. She was cute. Pretty in the kind of effortless way that Zak had always responded to.
“Need some help with that?” He asked, walking up to her.
“What? Oh, no. Just went a little overboard. Damn foam.” She said with a laugh.
“Happens to the best of us.” Zak said, cooly. “I’m Zak, by the way.” He held his hand out.
“Christine.” she said, smiling and reaching out to accept his hand.
“Nice to meet you Christine. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”
“Yeah, I’m in town for the weekend visiting my friend Amy” She said, nodding toward a woman Zak immediately recognized. He’d fooled around with her on more than one drunken night. She’d wanted something more, but Zak wasn’t interested in commitment. Not with her anyway.
“Oh yeah, I know Amy.” He said awkwardly. He nodded a hello to the woman as she glared back at him.
“Oh wait, are you that Zak?” Christine asked, crossing her arms over her chest in disapproval.
“I don’t know what you mean.” He said dumbly, wishing he could be back with the shot bros.
“So you’re the asshole who led Amy on for two months before you just stopped answering her texts all together. She’s a great girl, you know. Too good from some baggy pants-wearing, Ed Hardy wannabe douchebag like you.” She spat, storming off.
“Nice to meet you too.” He called over his shoulder, grabbing a cup and filling it with beer. In all honesty, he probably deserved that. He had kind of iced Amy out. But only after trying to let her down easily. A lot of good that had done him.
“That was brutal.” A voice said from behind him.
He had an audience. Perfect.
“Yeah, no shit.” Zak said, feeling annoyed. He turned to see who the voice belonged to and was surprised to find the man with the brown eyes staring back at him. His breath hitched as their eyes locked again. There was something inviting about the man’s face, and Zak found he didn’t mind the intrusion as much as he had a moment before.
“Sorry, I was just…” the man trailed off, holding up his empty cup.
“Oh.” Zak said, taking a step back from the keg.
The man was tall and slender, but there was tone to his muscles and he carried himself with the kind of confidence that Zak found intriguing. Zak watched as he made his way to the keg, filling his cup with the frothy liquid.
“So what’d you do?” the younger man asked.
“What?” Zak asked, feeling like he was being pulled from a haze.
“What’d you do to get her so pissed off?” he asked again, confidence unwavering.
“Oh. I went out with her friend a few times and it didn’t work out.” Zak said dismissively.
“Got it. So you blew her off.” The younger man said, knowingly.
Zak scoffed. Who the hell did this guy think he was? He didn’t even know Zak and here he was making assumptions about things he had no business talking about.
“No offense meant...Zak, was it? I don’t know the whole story.” he said, taking a drink.
“No, you don’t.” Zak answered back coldly.
“So you didn’t blow her off?” The younger man asked with a smirk.
“No.” Zak insisted. Not that it was any of his business. “I mean, not really...”
“Got it. My mistake.” he said with another knowing look.
Zak wanted to punch the look right off his face.
“I’m Nick, by the way.” the younger man said, extending a hand.
Zak reached out to shake it in spite of himself.
“Zak.” he heard himself say. He didn’t know why he was even talking to this asshole, only that there was something about him that made Zak want to stay.
“Zak. That’s what I thought.” Nick said with a nod. “Listen, I think we got off on the wrong foot here. And from what I can tell, you’re one of the only tolerable people at this party.”
“Uh, thanks.” Zak said, feeling weirdly flattered.
Nick hopped up on the counter top, making himself comfortable. Zak took the opportunity to give him a once over. He was attractive. Not what Zak typically considered his type, but then again he didn’t know if he really had a type when it came to men.
“So, how do you know Jason?” Nick asked, interrupting Zak’s thoughts.
Zak thought for a second. How didhe know Jason? He couldn’t remember. He knew he didn’t know him from college, so a friend had probably introduced them. But for the life of him, he couldn’t think of who.
“I actually don’t remember.” he said honestly. He laughed a little bit at how telling that was of their friendship. “I guess mutual friends? What about you?” Zak asked, suddenly hoping Jason and Nick weren’t too close.
“He’s my cousin’s college buddy. He introduced us when I decided to move out here a couple years ago.” Nick said, taking a drink of his beer.
“Oh, where’d you move from?” Zak asked. Although he was pretty sure he could guess based on Nick’s New England accent.
“Small town outside of Boston.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” Zak said. “Your accent.” he clarified after receiving a confused look from Nick.
“It get’s even stronger when I’m drunk.” he laughed and Zak noticed the way he seemed to radiate light as the sound rose from him.
“So, does that mean you’re drunk now?” Zak asked with a smile.
“Nah. This is nothing.” Nick said. “But get a few more beers in me and you probably won’t understand anything I’m saying.”
“Good to know.” Zak said, subconsciously moving closer to lean against the counter Nick sat on.
“So tell me, Zak. Do you party like this all the time?” Nick asked, brown eyes boring into Zak’s.
Zak felt like a puzzle that Nick was trying to solve.
“Not really. I mean, I used to. I kind of hate it now to be honest.” Zak said with a humorless chuckle.
“Yeah, I was gonna say. It doesn’t really seem like your scene.” Nick said.
“Yeah, I guess it’s not really anymore.” Zak agreed.
“So what are you doing here tonight?” Nick asked curiously.
“I don’t really know.” Zak shrugged. “I guess it was just better than being alone.”
There was no point in lying. He hardly knew this guy, but there was something so freeing about just being honest. He spent too much time pretending these days.
“I almost didn’t even come in.” Zak said with a chuckle. “I sat outside debating for like ten minutes before I got out of my car.”
“What made you made you decide to come in?” Nick asked.
Normally, Zak would shut down at this point in a conversation. He wasn’t much for sharing his feelings if he didn’t have to. But something about Nick was comforting and Zak found himself wanting to open up a bit more than usual.
“I thought about going home alone to my empty apartment.” he said honestly.
“Well, I’m glad you decided to come in.” Nick said with a warm smile that sent a shiver up Zak’s spine. “I don’t know how many more toasts to life I could have handled with those frat boys out there.”
Zak laughed, trying hard not to blush. This was the problem he had with guys. He never knew if they were flirting or just being nice. With women, it was always so much easier to tell.
“So this isn’t really your scene either, huh?” Zak asked.
“No, not really.” Nick agreed. He hopped off the counter, refilling his cup. He held the gun out for Zak, refilling his cup as well. “But the beer’s free.” he smiled.
“So Zak, If you weren’t here at this awesome party talking to me, what would you be doing with your night?” The younger man asked, hopping back up on the counter. He sat a bit closer than he had before, and Zak tried hard not to read into it.
“I’d probably be at home working on some music.” He said.
“Oh yeah? What do you play?” Nick asked, clearly intrigued.
“Oh, I can’t play anything!” Zak laughed. “I mostly just mix and write lyrics.”
“That’s awesome. Your stuff any good?”
“Some of it, I think.” Zak said uncertainly. He didn’t share his music often, but he had written a couple of things he was particularly proud of.
“I bet it’s better than you think. Everyone’s always so much more critical of their own work.” Nick said reassuringly. “Sing something for me.”
“What?” Zak said. “No way! Besides, I don’t really sing. It’s like more spoken word…”
“Oh, that’s cool.” Nick said approvingly. “You ever perform?”
“Oh, God no!” Zak said, dying inside at the idea. “ I mean, I’m a DJ, so I’ll use my own mixes and stuff. But never original songs.”
“You’re a DJ?” Nick asked, but it sounded more like a statement. “Makes sense.” he nodded.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zak asked.
“Oh, nothing. It’s just, you look the type. You’ve got the hair and the clothes...that sort of thing.” Nick said as if that explained what he meant.
Zak wasn’t sure whether it was meant as a compliment or an insult. He wasn’t exactly beaming with pride over his current profession, so to hear he ‘looked the type’ was more than a little disconcerting.
“I’m gonna just skip right over that comment, I think.” Zak chuckled nervously. He was having a nice time talking to Nick and he didn’t want to risk ruining it.
“I didn’t mean it as an insult.” Nick said quickly, placing a hand on Zak’s shoulder. “I just meant that it makes sense, you know. I could see you DJ-ing some big party at one of the clubs on the strip. You’ve got that kind of cool look about you. That’s all. No offense meant, I swear.”
Zak smiled at the weight of Nick’s hand on his shoulder, enjoying the way warmth spread through his body at the younger man’s touch.
“I pretty much only do weddings at this point. I’ve done a couple bar mitzvahs too. Definitely no clubs.”
“Well, not yet anyway.” Nick said with a smile, dropping his hand from Zak’s shoulder.
“Hopefully not ever.” Zak said with a laugh. “It’s not exactly my dream job.”
“Oh yeah? Then what is?” Nick asked curiously.
Zak had never had anyone so interested in him before. It felt nice.
“I honestly have no idea.” Zak laughed. “I've been trying to figure that out for years.”
“Well, what makes you happy?” Nick asked. He cocked his head to the side, studying Zak with those big, brown eyes.
“That’s the million dollar question.” Zak admitted. He didn’t know what made him truly happy. Should he? Did everyone else around him have it figured out already?
“You can’t think of one thing that makes you feel good about yourself?” Nick asked, his face looked sad and Zak felt his walls go up immediately.
“Well, what makes you happy?” he asked, deflecting the attention.
“We’re not talking about me.” Nick said with a smirk.
Zak crossed his arms over his chest. He felt his face flush with embarrassment. Was he really so pathetic that he couldn’t even think of one thing that brought joy to his life?
“I love cinematography.” Nick said, thankfully breaking the painful silence. “I’d love to be a filmmaker some day. My friends and family are the most important people in my life. I love to rock climb and play sports. I’ve played just about every sport there is at one point or another. When I was a little younger, I dreamed of being in the NBA.”
“I like to help people.” Zak said with a shrug. “I love animals, especially dogs. I’m really close to my mom. And I like to make music.”
“See. Everybody loves something.” Nick smiled happily. “Now you just have to find a job that lets you make money doing one of those things.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Zak said.
“It is easy.” Nick declared. “Everyone just tries to make it harder than it needs to be. You can be anything you want to be, Zak.”
Zak smiled. Maybe Nick was right. Maybe it was that easy. Maybe it was possible for Zak to find a way to make money and feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. He didn’t know for sure, but he knew that he liked the way that Nick looked at life. His positivity was infectious and he made Zak feel invincible. He needed that in his life. He decided right then and there that he wanted to keep Nick close.