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Sometimes Kaveh wondered if maybe the heavens and gods themselves came together and decided to make his life hard on purpose.
Well harder than it was already.
Then again he did meet a god, his god, the Dendro Archon herself and it would be akin to slander to accuse her of taking pleasure in tormenting anyone.
That being said Kaveh still felt a strange unease whenever he was in her presence, her friendly but perceptive green gaze made him itchy under his collar and caused him to fidget like a schoolboy waiting for his masters’ scolding.
He chucked that to the god being fairly young (for a god…) and still learning how to talk to and interact with humans, a skill she sometimes bemoaned, saying her ineptitude for, to which the know-it-all Alhaitham always had to comment that as much as it was important not to cause unnecessary grief the rest was unimportant and trifle window dressing.
He was honest to gods corrupting the Dendro Archon herself and Kaveh could not believe to which lengths Alhaitham would go to spew his warped philosophy of life.
Speaking of the offender, of course he would only add to Kaveh’s misery as he always gleefully enjoyed tormenting him with his ostentatious behavior, like for example now.
“Are- are you even listening to me?”
“Mhm.” Alhaitham hummed as he flipped a page of the Sumeru edition of the Steambird magazine and calmly sipped at his coffee.
Kaveh felt his vein pop on his forehead.
“Don’t ‘mhm’ me you know i hate it.”
Alhaitham flipped another page.
“Don’t ignore me dammit!”
“I am not ignoring you. I am multitasking. Besides, you only need a sounding board for your ranting about ‘ungrateful and uncultured clientele’ so I only use about 14% of my attention. 15% if something catches my attention and I am being very generous here. Continue.”
He flipped the magazine to another page.
Kaveh scoffed.
“Would it kill you to be more empathetic and attentive? Or just plain nicer?”
“I see no reason to change my behavior at this moment, besides you’re not very nice to me yourself currently.”
“How so?!” Kaveh yelled and Alhaitham scrunched his eyebrows before he rubbed a thumb over his eyebrow.
“For starters you can not raise your voice at me when I am clearly not your target? It alerts our neighbors. I already had at least two complaints from people, one because you can’t keep your voice down and two because you can’t stop tinkering with your woodworking deep into the night.”
“I am still saving for a workshop and you know that!”
“At least don’t work on it at two in the morning. And stop yelling.”
“I’m not yelling!” Kaveh yelled so loudly, even he felt his vocal cords strain.
Alhaitham let out a quiet and tired sigh.
“You know what?” Kaveh said his voice still raised as he felt his chest heave with angry breaths.
Alhaitham slowly looked up from the papers spread out on his crossed lap and elegantly laced the fingers of both of his hands.
There was a brief pause in which he looked at Kaveh expectantly, waiting for him to continue his train of thought. When that didn’t happen he merely raised an eyebrow indicating a ‘well?’ and Kaveh almost saw red.
“Screw you.” He spat and stormed out of the front door, not even bothering to grab literally anything along the way.
When Alhaitham didn’t even as much as called after him he felt a fresh wave of anger wash over him.
“Bastard.” He muttered under his breath, fists balled and shaking.
He wandered through the streets of the city unknowing, unseeing and unthinking.
The only thing he had on his mind was how angry he was and what a selfish bastard Alhaitham was. He always, always had to undermine his ideas and efforts and treat him with a condescension which fanned the flames of resentment in Kaveh.
Every time he thought that was it, he was fine now, they could make this work, Alhaitham had to do or say or even just merely look at him in a way that made Kaveh’s vision go spotty with anger.
Clearly this wasn’t working. He needed a way out, and he needed it now.
During his meandering both physical and mental he decided he would not be going back to that house tonight.
He was too pent up and angry to stay there and get any sleep. If anything they would just spend the whole time arguing and screaming at each other.
No. Kaveh would rather sleep on a bench under the adventure’s guild or pull an all-nighter in the library.
Or at the tavern.
This was a good idea in theory but in practice it failed short as he had no money on himself due to not grabbing his wallet on the way out.
“Damn it.” He muttered as he patted his pockets. Not even enough for a bed in the cheapest inn.
Quickly he ran over the list of people he could ask to stay at.
Tighnari was out of the question. Even if he was that determined to walk all the way to Ghandarva Ville, the memories of the last time he attempted that and got caught in a poacher’s trap and the botanist had to rescue him were enough to toss this idea out. That was indeed humiliating, plus he didn’t want to cause more problems for his friend.
Cyno lived nearer and was most likely at home…probably. He couldn’t check with the Matra because they were forbidden from giving out personal information about anyone from their rank, not to mention their own Leader.
He could always go there and check but…
The thing was that Alhaitham and Cyno have become very close recently and well Kaveh didn’t care one way or the other but he was pissed at his roommate now and didn’t want to explain to Cyno why he wasn’t sleeping at their house in the first place. And knowing Cyno he would take one look at him and just know.
All other people were professional contacts and it would be highly inappropriate to ask them to house him for a night without a good reason. Or even with a good reason.
Plus that would destroy his plans of keeping this shameful situation a secret from the more general public especially his contractors and clients.
So a bench it was.
Or he’d just wander around the city until the sun would come up or he’d collapse from exhaustion.
Whatever, not like anyone cared right? Especially not Alhaitham. He only cared about himself.
Someone bumped into him and Kaveh finally realized he had wandered somewhere among humans.
He blinked, looking around in consternation before he relaxed.
Grand Bazaar.
He roamed his eyes over the colorful stalls filled with wares and trinkets, street food booths with sizzling meat and vegetables, baskets with spices which tickled his nose and loud and cheerful chatter that filled his ears.
Somehow he ended here. This wasn’t his usual palace for shopping. Both Kaveh and Alhaitham preferred to roam around treasure streets and the general Sumeru Market but they did make trips down under the Divine tree.
Well, Alhaitham more often than Kaveh but still.
“Sorry.” Someone said from behind him and Kaveh reflexively moved out of the way when a man with a big cart walked briskly past him.
This time he bumped into someone.
“Apologies.” He said and turned around and came face to face with big, blue eyes.
“Nilou?”
“Oh! Hello.” She said, a bit surprised at first before she sent him her signature, sunny smile. “Sorry I should have been more careful.”
Kaveh shook his head.
“No, that was me.” He said and looked down at her, taking in her appearance for a moment.
She was dressed in a loose, colorful dress, tied around her waist with a simple belt. The horned headpiece of her Goddess of Flowers outfit was gone but her hair, which was tied in basically the same manner as usual, was covered by a deep blue headscarf with little white patterns which resembled stars.
She changed her usual heeled sandals to a pair of flat, leather and worn looking shoes which caused her to slightly crane her neck up so their eyes could even meet.
“Shopping?” He said and gestured to her basket.
“Mhm.” She nodded. “Just running some errands. What about you?”
Kaveh opened his mouth, trying to come up with some evasive excuse that wouldn’t be a total lie either since he neither felt like burdening Nilou with his issues or lying to her.
A strange rumbling sound filled the space between them.
Nilou’s eyes went wide before she giggled while Kaveh felt his face flush uncomfortably.
“Oh my.”
“Sorry.”
She shook her head and grabbed his wrist.
“Come. There’s a great grilling spot.”
“Ah, I didn’t grab my wallet…”
“No worries. My treat.” She smiled gently and led him a bit away from the spot which was getting crowded with shoppers and towards a small skewer stall.
The smell made Kaveh’s stomach grumble again.
“Two big ones please.” Nilou handed a few coins to the vendor and received two pieces of grilled meat and vegetables on a skewer.
“Thanks.” Kaveh took a reluctant bite, still moody but the juiciness of the meat and veggies accentuated by rich mix of spices made saliva fill his mouth and he wolfed down his skewer in record time.
Nilou nibbled on her food much slower, clearly not as hungry and after Kaveh’s eyeing her a few times she smiled and offered him her own portion.
“Sorry, I’m full.”
Kaveh nodded bashfully and took the skewer, this time proceeding to savor it a bit longer and actually enjoy the taste.
“So.” Nilou started. “What brings you to the Bazaar?”
Kaveh chewed on his food, stalling and thinking of an answer he wanted to give.
“Just taking a walk.”
“I see.” She hummed but didn’t press for more, which Kaveh was actually grateful for. Instead she changed the topic and did all the talking, carrying a one sided conversation as if she sensed Kaveh didn’t want to do it himself for once but he also didn’t want silence.
The topics shifted from shopping to clothes to food to cooking to Nilou’s family to a stray the troupe took in recently and who became its mascot.
Theater was a natural topic for Nilou of course so she talked about it, providing pleasant background noise for Kaveh’s rattled nerves.
Nilou was in the middle of recounting the latest rehearsal problems when Kaveh decided to finally contribute.
“When is the premiere?”
Nilou’s whole face lit up like a candle as if she was just waiting for him to ask that question and Kaveh felt his heart skip a beat suddenly, feeling his whole body flush pleasantly at her attention.
It didn’t last for long though, her smile suddenly fading and the light around them dimming.
“Next month but the tickets…are already sold out.”
Kaveh sighed in resignation.
“I see. Well then it’s too bad I guess. Maybe next time you can get some extra tickets just for me.”
Nilou didn’t smile at his words at all, in fact she looked…guilty for some reason.
Kaveh frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
Nilou bit her lip and fidgeted.
“I had some but I gave them away already.”
“Ah. Okay. Well that’s fine, I’ll just spend the day working and trying not to piss off Alhaitham too much while he’s in his own study.” He let out a bit of his frustration. He felt like he deserved it.
Nilou fidgeted again.
“That might not be necessary.”
Ah.
“Oh I see.” Kaveh said feeling irritation swell within him like a tide. “Well I hope he will enjoy your performance at least he’ll be alone.”
“…he won’t.”
Kaveh stared at Nilou for a moment.
“I’m sorry!” She finally said. “You’re always so busy and never really talk that much about theater anyway so I thought you weren’t interested…”
“What? Why? I’m an artist too?!”
Nilou gave him a wavery smile.
“I know but…well you never showed interest in arts before.” She bit her lip.
Kaveh scoffed.
“And what? Alhaitham did?”
Silence.
“…a little bit.”
Kaveh tipped his head back and sighed dramatically.
“I hate him.”
The man was hellbent on destroying Kaveh’s whole life it seemed and now he was also ‘stealing’ away Kaveh’s friends.
What’s next? He’d rather not know the answer to this question.
Kaveh closed his eyes and turned away from Nilou.
“Kaveh?”
“Forget it.” He didn’t know which part he meant right now; the tickets, his problems or Alhaitham sabotaging his life.
It didn’t matter, he just wanted away from it.
He took a step and then Nilou grabbed his sleeve, way more aggressively than was characteristic of her.
“Kaveh! I’m sorry I didn’t think of you. I will next time I promise. It’s okay. Please don’t be mad. Come let’s get some desert and then we can-“
"Stop trying to cheer me up!" He raised his voice and turned sharply, tearing his arm away from Nilou’s grasp and somehow managing to slap her hand away in the process.
There were quite a few people at the market that looked their way. Kaveh spotted a few people who were giving him funny or dirty looks and he immediately felt his face heat up with shame.
Nilou’s eyes went wide and a heavy knot of guilt took root in his stomach. Then he noticed that the basket she was carrying for the whole day was on the ground with purchases scattered around her feet.
He cursed, mostly at himself and he moved to bend down and start picking the things up when Nilou beat him to it.
Kaveh stood there dumbly and he couldn't help but notice that she was avoiding his gaze.
He cringed, his immediate instinct was to barrel on with apologies but something in her demeanor stopped him.
She took her time picking the discarded produce and putting it back in the basket, before she dusted off her skirt even though the fabric made no contact with the ground and finally, finally stood up.
“Sorry.” She said first with a small, forced smile and Kaveh felt like the worst person on the planet.
“What? Wait, no!” He sputtered, but she only shook her head.
“It’s okay.” She assured him, her smile growing but not reaching her eyes at all. She lifted her hand and hesitated again before setting it gently on his sleeve once more.
“I hope you’ll feel better soon.” She said and dropped her hand. “I have to go.”
Kaveh watched her leave the same way she came from, stopping on her way at a few other stalls before she disappeared around one of the corners.
Not once she looked his way and the dawning realization that he acted like an asshole came crashing down on him all at once.
He wanted to kick and scream and yell and punch someone.
That someone was definitely him this time.
Kaveh wanders aimlessly for hours. At first he made his way back to the house but seeing Alhaitham from the window re-lit his anger which managed to subdue on his walk back.
So he leaves again. He goes to Akademiya, House of Daena, the tavern, the cafe and even to the guild.
He ends up sitting on the pier, overlooking the port and watching the sun set while the sailors and other dock workers unload their cargo.
His mind is numb and empty save for the periodical flashes of guilt which jab at his mind and soul.
He sits there until the street lights come on and the dock empties.
He hears merry laughter and conversations coming from the tavern and he contemplates going there and getting piss drunk on a tab when it starts to rain.
People yell and scatter around him, finding shelter.
The light drizzle soon transforms into a heavy downpour and sitting on a bench is not an option anymore so he hauls himself up and starts wandering again.
Before he realizes he finds himself back at the Bazaar, only now the place is almost empty as evening draws near.
The stalls are closed or closing while people call to each other. The smell of food, spices and perfume is fleeting in the air and there are scarce puddles where people as forgetful as Kaveh rush back to their homes or lodgings in various states of being drenched.
Kaveh feels the rainwater roll down his face and he blinks a few times when a few droplets fill his eyes and blur his vision.
He grumbles while he wipes the water away, his throat feeling tight and dry and he heaves a very dangerous sigh.
When his vision clears it is not without a shock that the first thing he notices is red.
He blinks a few times but the red in front of his eyes remains and when his vision sharpens he realizes the flowing, scarlet tresses are not that of fire but of hair.
Kaveh blinks and realizes he has managed to walk aimlessly until he finds himself in front of Nilou’s house.
He sees her figure through the window and after a moment he realizes she is cooking.
The inside looks cozy and warm, the warm light makes everything outside look gloomy and unpleasant even though he is not walking through the pouring rain anymore the earthy and woodsy smells of the Bazaar make him feel like he’s still in the forest.
In contrast Nilou is enveloped in warm, cream colors and soft light.
Kaveh shivers when a few raindrops roll down his spine.
Something makes Kaveh pay closer attention to the dancer and realizes how her movements lack their usual grace and freedom. How the skin under her eyes looks a little tight and maybe even red. How her expression looks thoughtful and slightly sorrowful when she’s concentrating on her tasks.
This is the first time Kaveh has noticed Nilou looking like this and he feels a pang of bitter guilt grip his stomach like a heavy gauntlet and squeeze.
He takes a step and then another one until he’s right on her doorstep.
He stands there for another couple of long minutes, just listening to the muffled sounds of puttering on the other side.
He feels his breath slow down and his heart speed up.
Just as he musters enough courage to lift his hand and knock softly, almost like he’s ashamed of intruding the door swing open and the soft, creamy light he yearns for blinds him for a moment.
“Kaveh?” Nilou’s voice sounds earnestly surprised. She stands there, one hand on the door handle, the other on the door frame and looks at Kaveh, her eyes open in genuine shock.
Kaveh opens his mouth to say something but all words freeze in his throat. He closes his mouth and swallows and Nilou’s eyes widen even more.
That’s when Kaveh realizes he’s trembling.
“I-” His voice is small and thick sounding as if he were on the verge of tears. “I need help.” He manages to croak out.
Nilou grabs his hand and pulls him inside without hesitation.
He blinks a few times when the soft glow from the inside replaces the gloomy darkness of the outside and his nose is filled with the warm and comforting smell of dinner being cooked on the stove.
Nilou closes the door behind her and looks Kaveh in the eyes, her expression is open and concerned and Kaveh realizes he has never before seen her like this.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” She nudges him gently and rubs her thumb over his wrist, his pulse point jumping under her touch when he realizes she hasn’t let go.
She doesn’t falter and keeps looking at him expectantly in silence when he doesn’t answer but there is no urgency in her demeanor.
Kaveh listens to the sounds of the home and can make out two voices speaking somewhere away from them and the clink of plates and glass.
Someone is setting the table up for dinner.
“I should go.” He manages out and swallows thickly. “I don’t wanna intrude.” He makes a motion to leave but Nilou’s hold tightens briefly around his wrist.
Kaveh looks surprised for a moment, her hands are delicate and small compared to his and they don’t betray the real and imposing strength he just felt.
It’s intimidating but also a little comforting too.
Nilou says nothing just keeps waiting for him, the gentle caress of her thumb, steady and persistent, finally breaks his walls down and Kaveh capitulates.
“It’s nothing. Just a bad day.”
Nilou smiles gently.
“What.” Kaveh scoffs at her but it lacks any heat. Now he’s just doing it for show. Trying to protect his scraps of dignity.
“I think a little bit of honesty would do you good.”
He looks at her and goes for an incredulous and offended at first but it all crumbles when he realizes she’s serious.
So he tells her how his life sucks, how he has no real confidence, how he keeps making bad and bad and worse and then even more terrible life choices.
How he is stuck in a miserable state and how he’s a walking self-fulfilling prophecy and how he just can’t stop but sabotage everything.
Nilou holds his hand and listens, just listens and Kaveh rambles on about work, his life, his clients, his artist’s block. His debt and how he’s afraid he might be spiraling down into an addiction.
He is pretty sure he mentions Alhaitham too and his mother and father but he cannot be sure because he blacks out for a moment.
When his voice goes hoarse from all the words he just threw up like vomit due to a bad case of stomach ache he feels…empty.
And ashamed.
But mostly empty.
He looks at Nilou who to his shock looks the same kind of calm and kind and attentive.
Kaveh doesn’t know what more he can say. For once in his life he has no more words.
He’s at a loss.
“Say something.” He finally manages when the silence stretches uncomfortably and he fidgets, though carefully so Nilou won’t stop holding his hand.
Nilou takes a step up and stands on the tip of her toes. She touches his cheek with her small but delicately strong hand and smiles at him, a little bit sadly.
“You shouldn’t hate yourself like this.”
Kaveh can’t take it and he blinks and the next thing he knows everything is blurry and wet and salty.
He weeps in Nilou’s hallway like a pathetic excuse of a human that he is.
Nilou regrettably lets go of his hand but in the next moment there are thin strong arms wrapping around his middle and a head full of ginger hair tucked under his chin.
When Kaveh buries his nose there he is not surprised to smell Padisharas.
“Shhh.” She soothes him, arms rubbing his back.
Kaveh wraps his own arms around her and returns the hug, soaking in her warmth and comfort literally and figuratively. He is still dripping wet from the rain after all and he only has half a mind to pull away after he selfishly has cried himself out on her shoulder.
“Wait.” He says and sniffs. “You’re soaked now too. Sorry.”
Nilou shakes her head and grabs his hand again.
“What?” He asks, confused when she pulls him further into the house.
“You need to change and eat something.”
“But-” he tries to protest but his legs are already moving, even if hesitantly.
“Yes. Come.” Nilou says gently her tone not accepting any objections and Kaveh is too powerless to fight this kindness.
So he lets himself be pulled into the gentle embrace of Nilou’s house.
The raindrops drip from Alhaitham’s umbrella where he holds it to the side, careful to not get the water on himself.
He watches the scene through the window of Nilou’s home, feeling both consternation, slight guilt at something which might qualify as peeping and relief.
He only managed to catch the way Nilou’s arms wrapped around Kaveh’s frame and held him for a moment before he full-body sagged against her.
In the next moment he pulls away from her, explaining something. Nilou smiles and shakes her head.
Kaveh nods after she says something and then they are both gone from any prying eyes, having retreated deeper into the house.
Alhaitham doesn’t bother knocking and checking further on Kaveh. He knows he’s in good hands.
Alhaitham sighs and shakes the umbrella from excess rainwater and rests it gently next to the door and makes his retreat.
Kaveh will (hopefully) know the umbrella is his and will pick it up and bring it back home.
And if not…well, it’s just an umbrella in the end.
He won’t hold it against him this time.
Too much.