Chapter Text
You never expected such a perfect looking man to pop up as you were doing your daily doomscrolling session on grindr. Nothing ever comes from that app, as all your friends would tell you. Everyone was just there for a quick hook up or short term relationship. But he was perfect on paper, and liked eating beans, drinking apple juice. All your favorite foods. He was an academic, majoring in chemistry. According to his profile, he was an aspiring scientist, and mixed chemicals in his free time, even though it sometimes produced adverse effects. As you had been talking, he revealed that he had accidentally blown up a flask in his science lab, which you two laughed at for hours. You also liked chemistry, however you preferred the theoretical side, and would personally not drink random mixes of coloured chemicals just to ‘see what it did’. He was the perfect level of stupid, and didn’t talk too much, which you liked. You liked a man with a limited vocabulary, it meant they couldn’t argue back. You liked a submissive, subservient man.
You slap up a messy man bun, and get into your favorite galaxy meggings, your baggy hoodie sure to subvert attention away from your built, muscular figure.
It was only a simple date at a cafe, so you decided not to dress up in too decadent attire, sticking to casual clothes, as you knew he didn’t wear any at all.
You check your watch, shit, you're late. You scramble out the door, picking up our phone and keys, before deciding to run to the quaint little place. Thankfully, it wasn;t too far away, just a couple of streets, probably 10 minutes if you ran it, because you are very muscular and athletic.
As you approach the cafe, you stop in your tracks.
He
Was
Beautiful.
His presence envelops you like the sweet blanket of serenity, and you can barely tear your eyes away from him.
His soft fur, his fat stomach, gosh, you could tell he scoffed on those beans DAY AND NIGHT. Gosh. his big nose. He was the most stunning dog you had ever seen in your life
You approach nonchalantly, hands in the pockets of your hoodie
“U-u-u-uh hey x” you stammer, enunciating the x thoroughly.
“Ben”
“Yeah, um, want a drink?”
“Yes”
“Great, ill go order!”
“Ho ho ho”
You nonchalantly prowl up to the counter, asking for two bottles of fizzy apple cider, then return to your date, who is sitting reading a newspaper, rustling it every couple of seconds.
You sit back down, armed with your apple beverages. Clearing your throat, he rustles the newspaper one more time before laying it down by his chair. He sexily picks up the drink, ho ho hoing before glugging it all down. Glug glug glug
“Woah.. urm.. You were thirsty weren't you, sorry if I kept you waiting”
“Yes”
“Aha, so, was your day good?” you say nervously, not being very good at conversing. You had never been on a date before, and you really had not expected your first date to be with a talking dog. I mean, could you really say he was talking? His vocabulary was quite small, you were surprised that his talent had not been neutered. A dog like him could make world news, maybe be a national treasure, his talent was immeasurable. Maybe he just didn’t want to pay taxes. Fair enough, at least he didn’t have to work, or have a job. All he had to do was sit on an armchair and say a couple of words and he was living his best life.
“No” he replies, and before you have a chance to attempt to ask him why, he opens his mouth and breathes a bit of fire out of his mouth. He doesn’t seem at all phased by it, so you assume it was just another one of his science experiments.
“Will it go away?”
“Yes”
“How long will it take?”
“Eughh” he replies, sticking his tongue out in disgust.
Maybe he just didn’t want to talk too much about it. In your text messages, he did say that he was trying to perfect his fire breathing formulation, the only problem he had with it was the dose and strength. He said he was just trying to get it to last a more controllable amount of time, and that the first time he tried it he was breathing fire for over a week. You guessed that he was at least down to it lasting a few hours to a day, but the variability of the ingredients were making it difficult to get the correct dose.
You talk like this for a good two hours. You really think that you have finally made a connection with someone, even though it wasn’t a human, you had always been into all the woke stuff, and had advocated for animal rights. He may appreciate your acceptance of talking animals.
You knew it was wrong, but when he said yes to going back to his house, you could not resist.
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You were surprised when you realised that he only lived down the road from you. What were the chances that you lived so close to what could be the love of your life.
You open up a cupboard, to find a snack, as Ben did not seem too keen on the lack of tins of beans at the cafe. Slowly opening the creaky cupboard door, all you see is beans. Stacks and stacks of beans. Did he not eat anything else? You try another cupboard, and another, and another.
All
Beans
In a last ditch effort to try to find anything else, you open the fridge. There was no luck there either, it was entirely full of apple juice.
Beans it is then.
“Do you want some, Benny?” You ask, trying out a cutesy nickname on him. Even though you had only been on the date for three or so hours, in that time you feel like you have already gotten close enough. He was so hubby material. Awwh
“Yes”
“Do you want it warm?”
“No”
Oh, that was strange, although in order to warm them up you would have to put it in the microwave, and you could not put cans in the microwave. The cupboards were so full of beans that there was no room for any bowls. You fetch a tin opener from a draw, and open both tins, enough so it was comfortable to spoon out, yet not all the way round, so that the lid was still there, as that is how he ate them when you saw his profile./
You saunter in, Ben sitting seductively on his armchair, again, head stuck in his newspaper one more.
You clear your throat, and he puts the newspaper beside him once more, before politely taking the tin of beans.
“Ho ho ho” He chuckles, before shovelling the beans into his mouth, the spoon making a satisfying noise against the sides of the tin. Goodness me, you could listen to that noise forever. He should for sure make an ASMR mukbang video of him eating beans. You would listen to that to fall asleep every night. You had some trouble sleeping, often heading to the gym at 3am after giving up on your ‘early night’.
You politely eat your beans, god they were good beans. Where on god’s green earth do you get such delightful beans from. The beautiful texture and the rich tomato sauce made you salivate immensely. No wonder he ate these all the time, they were so sos o good. Their taste enveloped your tongue like the sweet blanket of serenity, your tastebuds firing firework-like sensations to your sore mind.
Ben reaches for the radio remote, putting on some lewis capaldi for ambiance. It really got you into THE mood, but it was too early for that yet.
Again, you chatted for hours, mostly about yourself, as in person he did not say much. He was much more fluent over text than he was in person, having the aforementioned limited spoken vocabulary. Even with his only word being yes, no, ben, ho ho ho, eugh, you still felt as though you were starting to catch feelings. Maybe he was the one, you already wanted to say that you may even love him.
Maybe this is it, maybe this will finally be the time that you have found love. After years and years of searching, this is it.