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Eddie finished folding the shirt in his hands and tucked it into his suitcase before grabbing his ringing phone from the table. Buck's face was on his screen, that photo that Maddie had sent Eddie and then Eddie had promptly made Buck's new contact photo.
No, Eddie didn't really have an explanation for why. The picture was just so quintessentially Buck it had made his chest ache. He also wasn't sure why Maddie had sent the picture, but that was just kind of how they worked—random unprompted texts and then weeks without further contact. It reminded Eddie a bit of his relationship with his own sisters.
"Buck? I thought you were on shift," Eddie said by way of greeting, cradling his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he went back to folding his laundry to pack. He had a flight to catch later, after all, both he and Chris did.
"H-Hey, Eds," Buck breathed, and it… Something wasn't right. He didn't sound right. "I, uh, I am on shift, I just…"
Eddie froze, a half-folded pair of jeans in his hands. His brain didn't seem to be working, just one thought running on repeat. Something was wrong. "Buck—"
"It's—I'm fine," Buck interrupted automatically. He was lying, Eddie knew it. Could tell by his voice, could feel it in his bones. "Well, not… not fully, actually, but—"
"What happened?"
Before Buck could answer, Eddie heard Christopher calling him from the next room over. Eddie moved on autopilot, going to the living room to see what his son needed even though his mind couldn't seem to form thoughts beyond a panicked string of BuckBuckBuckBu-
"Was that Chris?" Buck asked, before letting out a wet-sounding cough. Christopher looked at Eddie as he walked up behind the couch and just pointed to the TV.
The scene it showed wasn't pretty. A collapsed high-rise made downtown Los Angeles look like a war zone, debris everywhere and dust turning the sky and air gray. Before the camera moved, Eddie caught a glimpse of a fire engine, saw the white numbers stark against the bright red paint. 118.
"Ed—"
"Tell me you aren't in that building," Eddie demanded, voice low to try and hide his building terror. He was usually pretty good at hiding his panic, at maintaining his cool and collected facade. But the loss of Bobby was still too raw, grief and guilt tangled like lethal snakes in his stomach, ready to spring and sink their teeth in at any moment.
"You wouldn't believe me," Buck said, and Eddie could hear the slight smile in his voice. He also could finally process what was wrong in Buck's voice. It had that edge to it, that rasp that Buck got when he was in pain but trying to hide it. This wasn't the usual hint of it, like on days when his leg acted up but he tried to power through. This was… It was intense. Like it was taking all of Buck's willpower to sound normal.
How had Eddie not realized it immediately?
"I wanted to tell you something." Buck's voice brought Eddie out of his racing thoughts. His gaze cut over to the dining room table, where his 118 turnouts and helmet were sitting. A gift, something that was normally only given at a firefighter's retirement. He didn't even let the thought fully form before he'd made his decision.
"Tell me in person," Eddie said firmly. He glanced at Tía Pepa, who just nodded—she'd stay with Chris, he was good to go.
"Eds, it's not…" Buck was cut off by another cough. "The team is already looking for me, but it doesn't look good. Just let me—"
"No. I—" Eddie felt like he couldn't breathe for a second and his fingers clenched around his phone. "I'm coming there, Buck. We're gonna get you out."
It occurred to him then that he didn't even know how badly Buck was injured. Eddie decided he would ask in the car, he couldn't waste another second standing still.
Buck gave a heavy, tired sigh. "Can I talk to Chris, please?"
Eddie wanted to say no. He wanted to insist that Buck just wait to see him in person too. Because Buck not coming home… That just wasn't an option. Eddie refused to attend another funeral, refused to let his kid attend another funeral.
But if.. If he failed, if they couldn't save Buck, then Eddie would have been the one to take away the chance to say goodbye. Not just from Buck, but from Christopher.
So Eddie gave Christopher his phone while he pulled on his turnouts. Driving over suited up probably wouldn't be very fun, but he needed to be able to get straight to work. He'd tear through the rubble alone with his bare hands if he had to. Buck was his best friend, his partner (even if they weren't working together anymore), practically his co-parent at this point. They'd promised to have each other's backs, always, so that's what Eddie would do. He'd get over there and have Buck's back, find him and fix him and save him.
When Christopher gave Eddie his phone back, looking solemn with wet eyes, Eddie took it and kissed the top of his head instinctively before he was off.
"Eds, you're not— You won't hang up, right?" Buck asked, suddenly sounding small.
"No, you're gonna talk to me until you're found," Eddie said, pushing the rental car faster than he really should the second he was on the road.
"I'm not sure how long I can, uh, stay awake," Buck admitted. "It's—" He took a shaky breath. "Harder than I thought." His words were already coming a little slower than they had been, and he couldn't seem to keep up his perfectly okay act anymore.
Eddie didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to. "How bad are you hurt?" His phone was on speaker now and sitting in his lap, his hands clenching the wheel tightly so they wouldn't shake.
"Bad," Buck said simply. "I'm, I'm pretty crushed down here, Eds. Can feel somethin' bleeding, too, but it's hard to tell from where. Ev- Everything hurts."
Eddie swallowed thickly, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. "Can you move at all? Try to find the bleeding?"
Buck let out a little huff of laughter that turned into another one of those wet coughs. Eddie could picture the blood being coughed up, spilling over those pink lips and dribbling down Buck's chin, staining his fair skin. "Can't seem to reach it. My other arm is pinned on the side where the blood seems to be pooling. But—Look, Eddie, I really need you to let me get this out."
"Buck—"
"Please? I-I don't know how much longer I have. I ca-can't… Don't make me go without telling you this." Buck was begging, and Eddie felt his eyes sting with sudden tears. He blinked them away, trying to focus on the road and just get there.
"Okay," Eddie whispered, hating the way his voice cracked.
He heard Buck take a deep breath, like he was steadying himself. It's quiet for a moment, and Eddie could imagine Buck's mind going a million miles per hour, like always. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel.
"I love you," Buck finally whispered, soft in a way that made Eddie's chest ache, though he wasn't entirely sure why.
"I love you too," Eddie said without thought. Because he did. Sure, they'd never explicitly said it, but they loved each other. Their lives were so intertwined it probably wasn't entirely healthy, and Eddie wouldn't admit it but he dreaded going back to Texas. Leaving Buck. It wasn't… It wasn't home. But he had to do what was best for Christopher.
Buck let out a sad laugh, and it hurt Eddie down to the bone. "That's—no. I'm in love with you," he corrected, followed by a wracking cough and Eddie can hear him spit out what he assumed to be blood.
"What?" The single word was all Eddie could manage, his own mind racing now. Buck was in love with him? That was… He hadn't even known that was an option. Yes, Buck was bisexual, and yes their friendship had never been exactly normal but…
At first, Eddie couldn't make sense of the sudden lightness in his chest, like a weight had been lifted that he hadn't even known was there. He felt like he was looking back over the last seven years in an entirely new light. Their friendship wasn't normal, was it? There'd always been something there, small at first, but it had grown with each important moment.
The seed had been planted their first shift together, when Buck had joined Eddie in the ambulance to pull a live round out of a man's leg. And after was when they'd promised to have each other's backs. Every little moment that came after just cemented their places in each other's lives; every call, every moment with Christopher, every time either of them almost died.
Through it all, a thread of love that Eddie had never wanted to tug at, afraid it would make everything unravel.
"This isn't how I wanted you to find out," Buck said, his voice pulling Eddie back to the present. His words were coming a little slower, like they were taking extra effort. Eddie could hear the pain in his voice and it hurt all over like he was suddenly a bruise instead of a human being. "I'm not sure I ever wanted you to find out, I know you're straight—"
"I don't know if that's true, actually," Eddie interrupted quietly, the words leaving his mouth before he could think better of it. Because he wasn't. He had never bothered to question it, but now that he was being forced to actually think about how he felt about Buck, to consider these feelings that had never felt like a real option…
Eddie was in love with him. It was the only explanation. The way Buck had always just fit in his life. The way his presence felt like a piece of Eddie's soul that had been missing for years had finally come home. Every moment of instant dislike for anyone dating Buck, every moment where Eddie felt like he couldn't love the women he'd dated the way they loved him, it all suddenly made sense.
"Don't," Buck whispered, and Eddie could hear the tears that he was trying so hard to hold back. "I'm—Don't—" He took a deep but shaky breath, and Eddie heard him make a noise like it had hurt him to do so. "Don't say something you don't mean, Eddie. I just didn't want to die without saying it. You… You needed to know. How loved you are. How easy it is to love you."
Buck was crying now, quietly, but Eddie could still hear it. "How hard it is to stop," he added in a broken voice, and Eddie felt like he couldn't breathe. It took all his self-control to keep the car straight. He was almost there, just a few more minutes.
"Buck, really, I—"
Buck made a pained noise. "Eds—"
"No," Eddie said firmly, his chest heaving, his heart beating in his ears. "Now you need to listen."
"It's okay, Eddie, I've made peace with it. It doesn't matter, anyway, I can… I can feel myself going."
"You're not going anywhere," Eddie snapped, his jaw clenching and the leather of the steering wheel creaking under his grip. "You're gonna listen, because we're both apparently too stupid to realize that I'm in love with you too."
There was a beat of silence, broken only by Buck's ragged breathing. Eddie continued before Buck could speak.
"I don't know how I didn't realize it sooner. But it doesn't matter. You don't get to let me know this is an option only to die on me." Eddie was crying now too, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. He pursed his lips, tried to will them to stop. But he couldn't. Because he had heard it in Buck's voice, in the way he was breathing. Buck had said he could feel himself going, and Eddie could hear it, could sense it like ice flooding his veins and a hand cracking open his ribs to clench around his heart.
"I-I feel… pretty stupid now," Buck mumbled, his words starting to slur like his tongue was heavy in his mouth. Eddie pulled over and slammed his car into park, because he was finally here. It looked just as bad as it had on the news—worse now that he knew Buck was somewhere in that mess, dying and in love with him.
"We're both stupid," Eddie said, voice thick as he choked back the tears. He scrubbed a hand down his face and grabbed his helmet from the passenger seat before getting out of the car. "But it doesn't matter. I'm here, Buck. We're gonna find you, a-and you're gonna hold on until we do, okay?"
"I'm so tired, Eds," Buck whispered.
"I-I know, cariño," Eddie hushed, the pet name slipping out without thought. "But please, Buck, just a little longer."
"M'pretty far down," Buck told him, and Eddie could hardly focus on where he was going. The scene was a mess, but then he spotted Gerard. He'd be able to tell him where to look, where the rest of the 118 was searching for Buck. "You guys won't get here in time, Eddie. We don't have enough time."
"Buck—"
"This was never meant to be anything other than a goodbye." Buck wasn't crying anymore, and Eddie could hear it in his voice. He didn't have much fight left in him. Eddie froze in the middle of the street.
"No, please." Eddie couldn't even bring himself to care about the way his voice broke pathetically.
"If I dream this time, I hope I dream of you."
Eddie made a noise like a wounded animal. He was sure his chest was cracking open, his heart shredding itself to pieces. "Stay," he begged in a whisper. "Buck, I love you, please—"
"S'not my choice, baby," Buck mumbled, and Eddie could hear the way he smiled slightly as he said the pet name. He could picture that sad little smile, Buck's lips probably stained with his own blood. He knew Buck well enough to know he was probably way too happy at being allowed that expression of affection. Eddie wanted to hear him say it a million more times. "I love you too, so I'm trying, but—"
Buck was cut off by the sound of the call ending, and Eddie cursed loudly, his chest tight with barely suppressed sobs. When he tried to call Buck back, it went straight to voicemail. Of course, Buck wasn't great about charging his phone, so of course it would die.
Eddie shoved his phone in his pocket and ran. He needed to find his team, to make sure they found Buck in time.
He couldn't lose him. He wasn't sure he'd survive it.