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Raime had been vanished for three days now; Velstadt could understand, or even tolerate, his absence from the evening banquet with the King and the Queen, which often led to altercations, but his nonattendance on the field for the soldiers’ training was inexcusable.
He had last seen him four days earlier and, during one of their demonstration duels, the blond had shown himself unusually distracted, even letting himself be hit in the face by his bell-hammer, ending up knocked down on the dusty floor.
Velstadt, although happy to have managed to defeat him and teach him a lesson, had dropped his weapon to rush at his side and make sure he hadn't actually killed him.
«I’m fine, really» he had replied, his face stained with crimson blood and a split lip. He then got up, as if nothing had happened, and limped back to his chambers, leaving Velstadt to take care of the warriors' training.
Then, he simply had disappeared.
Even the King, despite the far more important matters he was entangled in, had noticed the sudden disappearance of his left hand, and had expressed his concern, which was why Velstadt had found himself having to search for his rival throughout the castle, after having ascertained that his private room was empty, populated only by his beloved ravens.
Raime was nowhere to be found: he wasn't lying on the grass in the royal gardens, gazing at the stars; he wasn't crouched among the spires of the fortress, enjoying the cool night breeze, even though it was autumn, his favorite season, "because everything is covered in brume.” He wasn't in the forges, perfecting his swords, nor even practicing alone in the arena.
There was only one place left to search, and, unlikely as it was, it was still the last: the library.
Raime wasn't much of a reader; Velstadt had rarely seen him grapple with paper manuals, and those few times, they had been guidebooks on the art of war. It actually made sense, perhaps after a searing defeat Raime had decided to take a break for self-cogitation and study new techniques? Atypical, yet plausible, thought the Aegis, as he walked calmly toward the room, lighting his way with the aid of a miracle.
And indeed Raime was right there: standing, his back turned, running his index finger over the spines of books perfectly arranged on a shelf, next to a small mahogany table that held a candelabra, a glass half-filled with red wine, and other volumes already open.
«Raime, what the hell... here you are!» The Aegis snorted in relief.
«Good evening, Velstadt» the other simply said, his back still turned.
«What's wrong with you? Everyone was worried about your absence, it's not like you!»
«Everyone?» He stopped to ogle the newcomer with the corner of his eye.
«Vendrick, our soldiers, myself…» Velstadt pulled a chair up to the table and sat down, peering curiously at the already opened books in front of him; the lighting was a little too dim for him to read clearly, but he had the impression they weren't treatises on the art of war...
«Obviously…» Raime whirred rhetorically: obviously, Nashandra was not among those names; he grabbed one of the volumes from the shelf and sat back down, then opened it in front of his interlocutor.
As arrogant as he seemed, Raime was actually delighted by the idea that he had seriously made Velstadt worry, so much so that he had forced him to wander around the castle after dinner time, thus despoiling precious hours of his sleep, just for him. But perhaps Velstadt had only done it on Vendrick's orders, and not of his own free will... he would have done anything for their sovereign.
«…is that all, Raime? That's all you have to say? Can I at least ask how you're doing, or are you too busy with these... readings?» The golden knight tilted his head slightly, hoping to at least meet his companion's eyes sideways. His behavior was surely bizarre, perhaps that blow to his head had actually messed up his neurons...
«Yes, I’m fine, my lip has healed nicely and my head doesn’t hurt anymore… thank you,» he cut him off, almost disinterestedly, as he carefully leafed through the pages of that dusty, tawny book, with its precious, worn leather cover and faded lettering, to the point that it was almost impossible to make out the title.
«That makes me relieved, Raime…» Velstadt sighed a little solaced, but his concern was still palpable. «However, I can’t explain why you couldn’t parry my bash that morning… You’re usually much more agile than me, what distracted you?»
That direct question made him freeze for a few seconds: what exactly had distracted him? Raime didn't know how to explain it, he just knew that the "distraction" had been going on for a while now, perhaps too long. The "distraction" was right in front of him, in flesh, bone, and armor, less than a meter away, and those warm, amber eyes stared at him, their light different from the one that illuminated them on the battlefield, softer, more human, intimate, irresistible...
Raime shrugged, feeling uncomfortable, unable to bear his comrade's inquisitive gaze, and tried to change the subject: «But you, tho… may I ask why you're always in armor, even off duty? You're practically the only one who keeps it on even during banquets, it's absurd!»
Raime couldn't wait to finish his training so he could rush to change, take a nice relaxing bath, and dress in a simple black linen tunic, light but durable, decorated with refined embroidery, which reached to his knees, allowing his skin to breathe.
«Oh Raime!» He smiled, amused by the sudden question. «I told you, for me, service never ends. Even off the battlefield, even during meals, at any time... I must always be ready to serve Vendrick. It's a form of loyalty and respect towards him» he explained with extreme pride, placing a hand on his own heart.
«Tsk! Sometimes you seem over the top with this. You should relax a bit, Velstadt, take a break, you already do so much for the kingdom. At least when you sleep, you undress, right?»
«Well, my dear Raime, if you suddenly disappear, how can I take a break? Who would do my job, hm?» He asked with a certain irritation. He of all people dared to speak, after having absolved himself from duties for several days, without explanation?
His rival's words, however, had a grain of truth: Velstadt didn't know the word "relax." His entire life revolved around the needs of the King and the realm. He almost never took time for himself, even at the cost of sacrificing his own health. He was the first to wake and the last to go to bed, always ready to spring to attention at the slightest call. For some soldiers, he was an unrivaled model, the highest ambition they could have, the embodiment of all chivalric values in a single being. For others, he could be almost unbearable, due to the rigor with which he obliged the kingdom's rules. These latter, in fact, found a more admirable model in the Raven Knight: attentive to the needs of others but never a slave, reliable, yes, but at times very rebellious, unafraid to contradict the sovereign and speak his mind in any circumstance, strict in his training but much more flexible than his golden colleague. Both, however, were very brave warriors and, although their characters were so opposite, the friendship and respect that bound them went beyond their moral differences.
«Hmph, no one is forcing you, anyway… you’ll always be Vendrick’s protégé, don’t worry, if you ever take a day off he won’t see it as… a treason!» He pronounced the last word emphatically, provocatively, meeting the Aegis’s gaze, who responded with an exasperated sigh: more than once, during particularly heated arguments over matters of the utmost importance, he had accused Raime of being a “traitor,” given his seemingly inexplicable repugnance for the queen, an accusation that, even though uttered in a moment of blind rage, had hurt the accused’s feelings.
«Raime, enough of this, we've already discussed that matter» he whispered seriously, in no mood to start an argument right now. «Tell me instead about the stories you're reading. They're tales of ancient times, aren't they?» He'd managed to glean a few details from the pages Raime was delicately leafing through. It looked like an illustrated book, perhaps fables from times gone by? A little moral instruction wouldn't have hurt that foolhardy knight!
«Hmm, kinda…» he nodded timidly and closed the volume, turning it toward Velstadt so that he could decipher the work's title alone in the dim light; he then squinted to better focus on those time-worn letters, not without difficulty, and began spelling out the words like a young schoolboy struggling with his first homework: "ar... ars? A... ama... Amatoria? Ars Amatoria?!?»
He raised a bewildered eyebrow, as if to ask Raime for confirmation, who nodded a humble "yes."
Velstadt was incredulous, his pupils bulging between his interlocutor and the paper object in his hands, waiting for a logical explanation that never came.
«Raime?» He then decided to break the awkward silence that had fallen in the room «You know, right, that it's a forbidden book? I'm surprised there's even a copy here, in the royal library! I thought they burned them all years ago! Oh, Raime, if Vendrick finds out…»
«No, Velstadt, he will not find out. And anyway, it's not that terrible, I just don't understand why it was banished…» - he shrugged, finding the courage to look the other in the face «I mean, yes, it's about men, even soldiers and knights, who love each other. Is that so atrocious, after everything we see every day?»
The golden guardian was shocked to hear Raime's speech; it was a topic they had never discussed before; he assumed the other was also averse to certain practices that were frowned upon in the kingdom, particularly among the soldiers. Not that the king had ever explicitly condemned homosexuality, nor were there specific penalties for those suspected of such tendencies; it simply wasn't well-regarded, and most avoided speaking about it. But Raime, after all, was a rebel; that was to be expected.
«No, but... how shall I put it into words? It's strange to me that a ruthless warrior like you would appreciate these things…» He opened the volume, his hands shaking, and found himself on an illustrated page depicting two knights, in full armor but without helmets, kissing. «Does this seem normal to you? Knights are supposed to go to war, fight, defend the kingdom. Not waste time on this… crap!»
«This isn't crap, Velstadt!» Raime had raised his voice without realizing it. «And believe me, even love can become a battlefield. But tell me, what difference does it make? What’s the difference between a knight who loses his head and risks his life for a pretty princess, and another who does the exact same thing... but for his brother in arms?»Velstadt motioned for him to lower his voice, as he risked waking half the castle at that late hour of the night. Then he sighed to calm himself and continued speaking: «these are two different things! A knight should be able to save himself, very different from a pretty princess in danger!»
«Oh really?» He crossed his arms over his chest, offended by the last sentence. «Are you telling me... that if I were in danger, you wouldn't save me? Oh, what a noble knight! And I was counting on you!»
«Of course I would save you!» Now was Velstadt the loudest speaker «I would sacrifice myself for you, just as I would for Vendrick, for each of our soldiers. It’s my duty, my dignity as an Aegis depends on it!»
«Well, you would do it for dignity, but know that some other knight would do it simply out of love for one of his mates! Even if that love were to be rejected!» He rose to his feet, his chair sliding noisily across the stone floor, and slammed his palms on the bench, leaning toward Velstadt to appear more menacing «and I’ll tell you more! Even among our own ranks, we have several couples! I bet you never noticed, huh?»
«Raime, hush!» He leaped up to put a hand over his mouth. All that noise must have awakened the library custodian, whose footsteps could be clearly heard coming from the entrance stairs. «Quick, we have to leave. It's not opportune if he finds us like this» he murmured to the blond, bringing his lips close to his ear.
«How are we supposed to escape?» They could have sneaked away and hidden, if only Velstadt hadn't been wearing a ton of rattling armor.
«Shut up and follow me!» He blew out the candle flame and quickly grabbed the “cursed” book with one hand and Raime's wrist with the other, tugging roughly.
Fortunately, the Aegis knew every corridor in that room very well; he had spent countless hours in the library following Vendrick's studies; he didn't need any light to find his way.
«What are you doing? The exit is on the other side!»
«Shhh, I know a secret passage!» he said reassuringly, then let go of Raime's arm for a moment and, with his free hand, vigorously pulled a lever well hidden behind a marble bust perched on a column. Suddenly, one of the shelves against the wall rotated 180°, allowing the two of them to slip into a narrow passage hidden between the walls, just before it closed.
The two men remained silent, their ears pricked and their hearts pounding, hand in hand. They weren't out of danger yet; they could only hear the gruff voice of the custodian patrolling the room and their frantic breathing. Raime had a mischievous grin plastered on his face that his colleague couldn't see due to the darkness; the thought of getting caught at such a compromising moment excited him a little, not to mention the anxiety evident in Velstadt’s convulsive sighs. Could he be so terrified of breaking the rules, for one night?
«It's okay, calm down…» he whispered, trying to remain serious. «Do you hear? He's going away... we're safe. I'm just remorseful for I left that good wine there!»
Velstadt elbowed him in the side: «Idiot! You know you're not allowed to drink in the library!»
They both burst into a stifled laugh and slowly made their way to the end of the corridor, where there was another rotating exit. Luckily, there was no one on the other side; the room they'd emerged into was empty and dark; the others must have all been in bed long ago.
«So... the library and the painting room are connected? I had no idea!» Raime exhaled in surprise, looking around as if to reassure himself of his geographical position in the building.
«Hmm, yes, and it's not the only secret passage, to be honest» the Aegis confirmed, releasing Raime's hand; he realized he'd held it a little too tightly, perhaps.
«One day you'll have to show me all of them, then» the blond man sneered, imagining some tunnel that might lead him directly to Velstadt's private rooms «but enough adventures for tonight, we've risked enough. Will you come to my room?»
The golden knight flinched at such a frank proposal. Raime's invitation was quite explicit; it wouldn't be just a courtesy visit given the hour. It was clear his companion intended to spend the whole night with him, caring little about the scandal such a situation would cause. Velstadt was hesitant; his dignity as the King's right-hand man demanded his refusal, but his tired body begged him to find a comfortable bed as soon as possible, throw away his armor, and sink into a deep sleep. He didn't feel like walking halfway across the castle to reach his own room when Raime's was only a few steps away.
«…fine» he nodded, surrendering to the fatigue—«but no one must know, okay?»
«Of course, I won't tell anyone, not that there's anything wrong with that…»
«Raime!»
«All right, I swear I won't utter a word about this night! Word of Vendrik's knight! Now let's go, come on…» He gently took his hand, and in the deepest silence, punctuated only by the tinkling of Velstadt’s scales, the two reached the long-desired chamber, located on the highest floor of the building; it wasn't even locked, after all, no one but his colleague would ever dare invade the Raven Knight's space.
«Damn, it's frigid!» The Aegis hissed through gritted teeth as soon as he was inside; the window was wide open, allowing the north wind to penetrate every nook and cranny, and the fireplace was out, only a few burned-out, white ashes rested there.
«I like the cold, but don't worry…» he smiled, closing the door behind him; the moon filled the entire room with an ethereal, silvery light, allowing the owner to move around without candles or torches. «You prefer the heat, heh? The climate of Shulva is quite different from this, isn't it?» He calmly approached his own bed, a large double bedstead made of dark wood, solid yet elegant, topped with a thick goose-down mattress, on which were rolled several soft blankets made of black sheep wool, a rare and precious quality.
«Yes, definitely…» he snorted, placing the book on the bedside table; the cherry on top of that night would have been catching a cold to follow his companion's stupid ideas.
«Who knows, maybe one day you'll have the chance to go back there, hm…» In the meantime, he had settled into the soft blankets, leaving enough space for the other man to sleep- «come on, here!» he suggested, patting the spot next to him with the palm of his hand.
«…what?» Velstadt froze on the spot, and not because of the extreme temperature of the small bedroom «…do we have to sleep in the same bed?» he asked, taken aback.
«I don't know! Do you prefer the stone floor? I'm not budging from this spot!» The other sneered, continuing to pat his palm.
«So I have to... s-strip?”»He realized he'd asked a stupid question, but the situation prevented him from thinking clearly; his mind felt foggy with a thousand thoughts.
«I don't think you sleep in armor normally, do you?» The raven grunted, drumming his fingers impatiently on the mattress «hurry up and come warm me up a bit!»
«B-But you said you like the cold!» he retorted angrily, as he began to remove the various pieces that made up his complex armor, starting with his cape and pauldrons.
«Yes, but I like you more, Velstadt…» he asserted, shyly lowering his gaze so as not to meet his comrade's.
«…in what sense, Raime?» He was about to remove his greaves but stopped short to make eye contact. Perhaps he hadn't heard correctly, or perhaps it was just teasing- «what are you referring to, exactly? My way of fighting or…»
«No, Velstadt, no, I'm referring to something else…» he shook his head and smiled nervously, looking dreamily at the ceiling «I like you, as a man, beyond fighting» he tried to explain, his agitation making it difficult for him to express his innermost emotions in words.
«So… you esteem me, as a man, even outside of battle… right?» Velstadt had sensed there must have been something more, something more tender than simple respect, but he was afraid to ask him frankly; that Raime had seriously fallen in love with him? It was absurd, unimaginable, most likely he was just delirious from too much alcohol, but if the ancient proverbs were correct, "in vino veritas"...
«Please, come here, for Velka’s sake…» he exclaimed, exasperated by his naivety, and turned onto his right side, reaching out to grab the book and place it on the cushion in the middle. Velstadt hastily removed each plate of his lorica, the cold gnawing at his bones, until he was left in only his cotton undergarments; almost no one had had the opportunity to see him in such informal attire, except Raime; he must have considered it a great honor!
«Here I am, brrr…» he too laid down on his side, pulling a heavy sheepskin blanket closer to him, and the sensation of warmth was immediate «of course, Raime, now I understand why you're always late in the morning. It must be torture to abandon such comfort and arm yourself» he chuckled to ease the tension that had built up now that they were face to face; he had to admit that choosing to spend the night with him hadn't been such a terrible idea.
«Tsk, I've only been late a few times, and even then, the real torture is hearing your bell ringing for the waking alarm!» The blond replied. Velstadt was particularly keen on punctuality and had no qualms about waking the sleepiest soldiers with the help of his bell-hammer, especially when it came to waking his own comrade.
«You should thank me, I could do much worse!» He whispered and, without realizing it, had moved even closer to his interlocutor to warm himself better; the other's body emanated an extremely pleasant warmth for him.
«I know, and in fact, many of our people adore you. Me included…» he whispered to his companion, becoming a little more serious «to be honest, I'm afraid I really love you, that's it…» He found the courage to confess and look the object of his affection straight in the eyes.
«Raime…» he murmured, surprised but not incredulous; everything was starting to make sense. «So, is that why you let yourself get hit like that and disappeared? Was it me who... distracted you?» He asked thoughtfully and brought a hand to the other's cheek, gently caressing it. His thumb brushed the scar he had left on his lip; now he felt terribly guilty for that blow.
«Yes, exactly…» he sighed and closed his eyelids, nestling his cheek into the other's hand, the same hand that wielded destructive and deadly weapons was also capable of offering that touch so light and gentle, like a rose petal—«but it's not your fault. It wasn't easy for me to realize, and I don't expect you to reciprocate, but I wanted you to know».
Velstadt remained silent, caressing his face for several minutes that seemed like eternity, while the moonlight cast a light on his ivory skin that was completely different from that of daylight; the knight, famous for his pitch-black armor, now had the appearance of an ethereal, celestial cherub, his fragile blue veins standing out against the milky whiteness of his limbs, and his platinum-blond hair framed a gentle face, with eyes softened by the feelings swirling in his chest, far different from those inflamed by the fury of the battles he was used to engage in.
«You did the right thing telling me…» he reassured him, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear -«but now tell me, how did you notice your feelings? I'm curious» he said, leaning back on his elbows, ready to listen to his every word with genuine interest.
«I don't know. For some reason, you were always on my mind, even outside of our job, and when I met you, I felt a strange agitation, like a flame between my heart and my stomach that warms but doesn't burn, and then... ah, Velstadt, I think you're one of the most handsome men to ever set foot in Drangleik!» Raime explained, his euphoria gradually replacing the embarrassment he'd felt before. Given the circumstances, he feared Velstadt wouldn't take it well, that he would get up and run away, ordering him never to speak to him again. Against all his expectations, however, he seemed to embrace his feelings.
«By the way you talk, you really do seem to be in love…» whispered the Shulva warrior. He felt flattered by those words. He had never discussed such topics with other men. All his discussions had always focused on battle lines, conquests, victims and victors, weapons and sieges, but neither of them ever dared to express their feelings to the other. It wasn't so terrible that two men were sharing such a precious moment in a warm bed, after all.
«You know, I was afraid I’d fallen under some spell at first, which is why I didn’t tell you right away» Raime continued, rolling over onto his stomach «it seemed absurd to me, too. So I finally decided to consult some texts in the library, and…» he opened the book again to the page depicting the two knights kissing—«and I realized that yes, loving another man was possible. Can you see what these two are doing?» He added, pointing his index finger at the illustration «there, I saw these two and thought of us! I thought it would be wonderful to have a similar experience with you, Velstadt…»
The golden knight had followed his movements carefully, rubbing his eyes to better focus on the drawing, it wasn't easy given the dim lighting, but he felt himself flush as soon as he'd taken in the scene.
«I-I don't know, Raime... I think a kiss like that, on the mouth, happens later, much later, in a relationship» he swallowed. He also tried to imagine the two of them instead of the anonymous figures in the book, but the emotions he felt were conflicting. He wasn't repulsed at all, but he also didn't want to rush into the unknown experience «a kiss seals something, it's the culmination of a union, don't you think?»
«No, not necessarily! Look what they do next!» He shook his head and flipped through more pages. The acts between the two protagonists became more and more explicit, until they reached full intercourse. Images and captions were alternated, offering advice on how best to approach it, what to use and what to avoid, positions that favored one knight or the other. «I read it all, and the more I read it, the more I thought about you, about us…» he sighed dreamily, but preferred to spare the details of how his body reacted to such thoughts and what he did to satisfy himself; he wasn't that vulgar.
Velstadt, meanwhile, had become petrified. He couldn't believe that such a manual had somehow ended up in Vendrik's library and then in Raime's hands. Who could have written and illustrated something like that? And yet, he had to admit, all that stuff was starting to intrigue him; he shook his head and forced a gentle smile «Raime, maybe we're rushing things... it's late, and I'm tired» he managed to murmur in a faint voice, just before curling up, his back against his companion, his spine brushing the black knight's warm chest. The raven knight remained watching him carefully before opening his mouth again. What did he mean? Was it a yes? Did he reciprocate his feelings or not? The fact that he hadn't rudely chased him away might already be a good sign, after all.
«Of course, Velstadt, you must be exhausted, I understand» he replied, a little disappointed. He closed the book and placed it on the bedside table, then positioned himself so as to better accommodate his colleague’s still-chilled body «but I just want to tell you one more thing: know that I will never do any of those actions we just saw without your explicit consent, got it?» He enunciated each word carefully, wanting to be sure such an important message was understood; the Aegis seemed to grasp his meaning but simply nodded weakly, his eyelids already tightened by Morpheus’ grip.
«Tch, forgive me, I shouldn't have robbed you of any more sleep…»Raime continued, keeping his voice very thin, while his fingers ran through the Shulva warrior's silky, scented hair, always perfectly tidy despite its considerable length «but could you at least tell me if you like me? If I have any hope with you?»
He waited, but received no response. Velstadt was now deeply asleep, his mouth slightly open, and his chest rose and fell at a calm, steady pace.
«Ah, you're already asleep» he smiled tenderly, still caressing him. «Look at you, poor dear, how exhausted you are! But now rest and have sweet dreams, you deserve it, you're the only reason that still keeps me attached to this damned kingdom, my love» he leaned in to give him a chaste kiss on the temple, then pulled him close, burying his lips in the crook of his neck: «goodnight, Velstadt, I love you».