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When Clint and Laura told Phil he was as much a parent to Cooper and Lila as they were, he was overjoyed by the realization he truly was one of the Barton family.
He wasn't, however, expecting this…
“You know I'm gay, right?” Phil couldn't decide where to look. They were sitting on the bed the three of them shared. That was a recent change in their polyamorous arrangement, but was meant only for sleeping and cuddles and comfort, not sex. Bouncing his gaze between the man he loved and the woman he adored Phil tried to find the words to… to…
Really, he had no idea what he needed to say. “You know I'm gay, right?” Repetition worked on the new recruits, and since he was figuratively drowning here, it seemed best to fall back on familiar habits.
Laura laughed and Clint grinned and pulled him closer. “Yes, Phil,” Laura said, her smile rather mischievous, “I remember that, but well”—she sat back against the headboard looking completely relaxed—“there are other ways to make a baby. You don't need to be in the room.”
“Seriously?” Phil asked, trying to remember the last time he'd had a CAT scan on his brain. He'd suffered quite a few concussions in the past year. Surely he was imagining all of this. Maybe he was asleep on the Bus and not really home with his family at all. Maybe he was inside another one of those memory machine things that hurt like hell or maybe he was being controlled by an alien or a mythical god or something. In his line of work, none of that was implausible.
“Yes, Phil,” Clint answered, his voice deep and even and sounding very real, “seriously.”
“And you're both okay with this?” he asked, trying to figure out which one of them might have suggested such an unexpected idea first. Laura was an incredible, strong, independent woman who always did whatever it took to make her family happy, but he hated to think Clint might have suggested something like this without considering that Laura might not want a child to a man who was not her husband. Well, except that she'd recently referred to Phil as her “gay husband” so maybe that idea didn't quite apply. Or maybe it did.
He'd never been physically attracted to women, but she was his best friend and he loved her.
Damn it, now he was even more confused.
“Really? You're both okay with this?” he asked, repeating himself yet again.
“Of course we're both okay with this,” Clint said, sounding perplexed by Phil's lack of enthusiasm.
“Laura?” Phil asked, wanting to be certain before he even considered the idea.
“Phil,” she said, leaning past her husband to press a kiss to Phil's cheek, “I am very okay with this, but I'll understand if you're not.”
“I'm...not, not okay with it.” Yeah, now he was speaking in double negatives. That wasn't going to confuse the issue at all.
“But?” Laura prompted gently, apparently deciphering his dumb-ass words without any trouble. How could he be the terrifying Agent Coulson to new recruits and still be such a dork when it came to interacting with his family?
Hell, this was almost as embarrassing as the time he met Captain America and told him he'd watched him while he was sleeping. No, he hadn't been hitting on the guy—he'd been happily ensconced in his relationship with Clint at the time—but he'd dreaded what Steve Rogers might have thought when he'd learned Phil was gay. Luckily, Phil had died before seeing Steve's reaction.
Okay, bad choice of words. It wasn't lucky that he'd died. Except for the part where his death galvanized the Avengers into a team and they saved the world from alien invasion. Hey, maybe it was really lucky that he died. But why was he thinking about the time he died when Clint and Laura were waiting for an answer? Shit, maybe he really should get himself a CAT-scan just to be on the safe side.
“Phil?” Laura asked, her good humor replaced with genuine concern. God, he really did love the woman in every way he could.
“I've just never given it any thought before. You know I love Cooper and Lila and I will love any other children you and Clint might have in the future. You don't need to include me in this part of your lives.”
“But we want to,” Clint said, his tone not quite gruff enough to conceal his hurt.
“Babe,” Phil said, “I just never considered being anyone's biological father.”
“It's not any different to what you have now,” Clint said. “They'd all be 'our' kids anyway.”
“So why do I need to be the biological father?”
Laura gave him a warm smile. “It's okay, Phil,” she said shaking her head. “It was just an idea. No harm done.”
Phil didn't believe that for a moment. Laura was hurt. She was his best friend and she was hurting and he'd done that and he wasn't even sure how.
“Sweetheart,” Phil said, moving out of Clint's casual embrace and moving closer to Laura, “why is this so important to you?”
She shook her head, yet couldn't hide the tears even by closing her eyes. Clint seemed shocked that his wife was crying but he didn't try to push Phil out of the way.
“Laura, please explain this to me.”
She smiled through her tears and shook her head. “I'm sorry,” she said, dragging that “everything's okay” expression back onto her face. God, he hated that she'd had to wear it so often in front of the kids. He never wanted her to have to wear it for him. “It was just a silly idea.”
“No, it wasn't silly,” Clint said, “but the reason isn't as simple as you thought. Is it, Laura?”
From any other man those words might have sounded harsh, but Phil could hear the deep love and respect Clint had for his wife and mother of his children.
Laura sighed, sounding annoyed. “It is very simple, Clint. Phil deserves the chance to father a child, if that's what he wants. Being gay doesn't remove his right to procreate.”
“It makes it a tad harder though,” Clint said, patting his own flat stomach, obviously trying to lighten the mood a little.
Phil shook his head at the man. Most of the time he adored Clint's warped sense of humor, but right now he was too busy admiring the way Laura had sidestepped Clint's question.
“I appreciate the thought, Clint,” Phil said, rolling his eyes at their ridiculous man, “but why is it so important to you, Laura?”
She huffed a sound of annoyance, clearly backed into a corner and not wanting to explain, but she looked him straight in the eye when she answered. “I thought with a biological child of your own, next time something happens you'll come straight home instead of deciding we don't need you.”
Fuck.
Phil closed his eyes against his own raw emotions. He didn't deserve this woman's devotion or compassion or her sense of love and family. When he'd been resurrected, he'd stayed away, but he'd had it so wrong. He'd thought he was too invested in Clint's family, that he felt far more for them that they did for him, that he'd been getting in the way. He'd thought he was just Uncle Phil and he'd used that as his reason, convinced himself that he wasn't breaking their hearts, that he wasn't that important to them.
Laura had found him and put him straight. She'd dragged him back into their lives and proved that he was wanted and loved and that this was his home. And instead of being angry with him—as she'd had every right to be—Laura was instead offering him one more reason for him to want to come back after every mission.
“I know it's not fair,” Laura finally said in a low voice, “but if something happens to Clint, I can't lose you both.”
“Sweetheart,” Phil said, pulling the woman into his arms and holding on tight, “I will always come home to you and the kids, even without Clint, even without a biological child of my own, as long as I draw breath, I promise I will never abandon you again.”
Laura nodded against his chest, her tears silent as Clint wrapped his arms around them both and held on tight. After a long while she gently pulled away, stepped into the bathroom for a few minutes, and then climbed back into bed.
“Thanks,” she whispered, leaning over to press a kiss to Phil's cheek. “I realize that my motives might not have been as pure as I'd intended, but the offer is genuine. If you do decide one day that you'd like to father a child, you know where to find me.”
“Laura Barton, you are the most incredible woman I have ever known,” Phil whispered. “And regardless of the decisions we make in the future, thank you for giving me that choice.”
Laura smiled, nodded, and then settled her head against her pillow. Within minutes she was fast asleep. Phil watched her fondly as he cuddled into Clint and tried to imagine what a child with his and Laura's DNA might be like.
“You're smiling,” Clint said softly, pulling Phil a little closer.
Phil couldn't deny it. “Yeah,” he admitted, “I was just thinking about that time Natasha made me promise to name my firstborn after her.”
Clint laughed softly. “Natasha for a girl. Nathaniel for a boy.” He nodded. “I can live with that.”
“Me too.” Phil admitted, for the first time in his life turning serious thought toward the idea.