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The day begins for Shim Changmin with his alarm at 5 in the morning. After being an idol and having an irregular sleeping schedule he is more than relieved to have a time schedule that is concrete. His days consist of sleep, exercise and his duties at the Police Academy.
After washing up and changing to his track suit Changmin goes for his daily run. The fans in front of his house fall into a hushed silence but thankfully doesn’t follow him and he is thankful for this fact. The run lasts for about 1 hour and he returns home feeling wring out and exhausted. Last night he has not been able to sleep at all and he is now feeling the last dregs of exhaustion.
His mother is in the kitchen and when he enters she casts a curious look at him. She is about to ask him something but Changmin heads to his room without giving her the opportunity. His whole family has been walking on eggshells since yesterday and it is starting to grate on his nerves.
After taking a bath he changes to his uniform. He has another half an hour to report to his station so he goes on to tidy up his work space a bit. His laptop is still powered on from last night and so he closes it without a second look. The books and photos on the table is next to be swept into a pile and stuffed to a book and into the book shelf.
Next he straightens his bed and replaces the spilled pillows and throw cushions. The waste basket is full of used tissues so he takes it with him to empty into the main garbage.
When he climbs down the staircase he can see his mom is sitting on the sofa with someone.
“Yunho hyung?” Changmin queries. Yunho, who is supposed to be at his army base is here in flesh.
“Changmin” Yunho stands up with his mother.
“What are you doing here?” Changmin continues as he empties the waste basket into the garbage bin. “You should have called me, I don’t have an off today. So I cannot play with you, hyung” Changmin informs and turns to get back to his room. Surprisingly he has no appetite for breakfast. He can hear Yunho following him to his room. Upon placing the garbage can in his room he turns to take his Cap from where it is hanging.
At the same moment Yunho grabs his hand and turns him to face Yunho. His eyes are red and Changmin can see stubble beginning to show. It is as of Yunho didn’t have time to groom himself that morning. The suit Yunho is wearing makes him look drawn out and tired. “What’s with the suit?” Changmin cocks an eye.
“Changmin, please. We have to…” Yunho starts but Changmin shrugs Yunho’s hold and turns to get out. At the same time Yunho makes him turn again. “Changmin, stop…” is all Yunho gets out.
“Stop? You stop with this nonsense” Changmin yells. “What are you doing hyung? Why are you here? Let me go and go wherever you want to go to” Changmin’s voice keeps rising.
It is getting stuffy in his room and Changmin feels he as if he cannot breathe. The same feeling when he had anxiety creeps up on him so he loosens a few buttons in his uniform and turns to open a window. He is seriously feeling suffocating and as if the walls are closing in on him. Yunho’s stare on him doesn’t help him at all, but on the contrary it makes it even harder to breathe.
“Changmin” Yunho moves behind him and makes him turn. He leaves his hands on Changmin’s shoulders and Changmin can feel the weight of the world settle on his shoulders. He feels so tired.
“What do you want hyung?” Changmin asks once again. Yunho surprises him by pulling him into a hug. After a few second Changmin grabs hold of Yunho’s jacket. The familiar scent Yunho wears pulls him back and reminds of his current situation.
“I’m sorry Changdolah. Please listen to me and let’s go. That’s what we should do now” Yunho sobs out.
“You promised. You promised hyung. That one day we will be five again. How are you going to do it again?” Changmin releases a sob against Yunho’s shoulder. He can feel Yunho shaking. His mind runs to the day they had their first stage after the split.
“I’m sorry Changdolah. I failed as a leader. I was supposed to hold us but now” Yunho’s sobs turn louder and Changmin feels the wet tears seep into his suit. The hold he has on Yunho grows stronger.
“Hyung. Hyung please bring him back. I can’t. I need him” Changmin rocks back and forth.
“Changdolah, please let’s go and say our goodbyes. He would want you there” Yunho pats him in a gentle manner. But all it does is give him flashbacks.
“Changminnie doesn’t like skinship with me” a pout directed at Changmin.
“Changmin, I made a snack” a smile grazing that lips.
“Well done Changminnie. I’m so proud of you” a bouquet thrust to him on his high school graduation day.
“Happy birthday maknae. You are officially now. Let’s have a drink someday yeah?” a beaming face rivaling the sun and seaweed soup smell wafting from the kitchen.
“Minnie, are you feeling ok now?” A gentle hand reminding him of his mother.
Changmin sobs louder now. The memories are now flowing out and attacking him. He feel his heart squeeze and he doesn’t know how he can undo the grief. He feels as if he is drowning and his hold on Yunho is the only thing that keeps him safe.
His laptop is still lit and he wants to smash it to bits. He remembers yesterday late night. A phone call from Kyuhyun and a news article. He remembers skimming and his breath catching in his lungs seeing only one name. He remembers reading the sentence “Military bus transporting soldiers to the base camp after a performance..” and “met with an accident due to slippery road” and “among the casualties 4 dead” and mentions of Kim Jae Joong among three other names and just stopping breathing because there is no way… They are supposed to be the Gods of the East.. There is no way. Jaejoong hyung. But he is so young. I always thought you would die of drinking. How dare you and then numbness. Because there is no way Jaejoong would be dead. Because there is no way his eldest hyung is dead without cooking him another dinner. He still remembers the last dinner and Jaejoong hyung’s japchae. He still needs to deal one last punch.