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“Mortis wants to talk to you.”
Umiri had been sipping from a bottle of water, and was now nearly choking on said beverage. Mortis wanted to talk to her? She stared at Mutsumi as she recovered, waiting for a punchline that never came. The girl wore her usual mask of indifference.
The two had been in Mutsumi’s basement, each practicing their respective instruments. Mutsumi sat on a worn chair near the stairs, her pink guitar cradled to her chest as if it were a source of comfort. Umiri had claimed the nearby couch, her bass leaning against the cushions.
“Sorry, say that again?”. Perhaps Umiri had misheard. The amp she was using had been turned up rather loud. Mortis didn’t ask to talk; she just showed up when she pleased.
Mutsumi was quiet for a moment, her gaze locked on the guitar in her arms. Umiri had the distinct feeling a conversation was taking place that she couldn’t hear. She nodded to herself before turning her attention back to Umiri.
“Yeah, Mortis wants to talk you.”
Well, so much for mishearing her.
Mutsumi seemed to have reached some kind of understanding between the alters within her headspace, a balance Umiri still struggled to fully comprehend. She understood the gist of it: Mutsumi was a system, home to many different alters. The most prominent, of course, was Mortis.
She cared for Mutsumi deeply, and wanted to be as supportive as she possibly could. However, she had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that these alters were Mutsumi. When one took over, she unconsciously started to treat them as if they were a totally different person.
That bias had caused plenty of frustration, and the occasional clash, with Mortis, who fronted far more often than the others. It certainly didn’t help that the alter seemed to go out of her way to cause trouble for Umiri whenever she appeared.
Which was exactly why this sudden request to “have a chat” filled her with unease.
She took another sip from her water bottle as she tried to collect her thoughts. “What would she like to chat about?”
Mutsumi shook her head. “You can ask her.”
Of course. The soft-spoken girl could be surprisingly stubborn when she set her mind to it.
“Well, alright then. Sure.” Might as well be agreeable, she supposed.
Mutsumi nodded and leaned back in the chair. There was a brief, unsettling moment where she almost looked lifeless, like a doll, before her eyes refocused on Umiri. A pleased smile spread across her face, and her eyes seemed to brighten.
“Hello Umiri-chan! It’s so nice to see you again.”
“Mortis-san.”
Mortis set the guitar aside and hopped off the chair, landing with a little bounce. She seemed to vibrate with excitement. It still unsettled Umiri to see how drastic the shift was when Mortis took control. It felt like watching someone else move her girlfriend’s body—a puppet with a too-bright smile.
Mortis’s demeanor quickly shifted as she pointed an accusatory finger at Umiri, her cheeks puffed in annoyance. “That is exactly what I wanted to talk with you about!”
That? Umiri glanced around her, looking for the offending thing that had gotten the alter so riled up.
“What, exactly?”
“That miserable look on your face, of course!”
Umiri scoffed. She most certainly did not have a miserable look on her face. Not that she could see it, of course, but still! Sure, she was a bit annoyed about this conversation, but that was all.
“That’s ridiculous. I’m simply waiting to hear what was so important that you requested to speak with me.”
Mortis huffed and crossed her arms, looking very much like a petulant child. “It’s not ridiculous! You make that face every time I come out to play with you.”
“Playing? Is that what you call whatever chaos inevitably follows when you show up?”
It was true—whenever Mortis appeared, trouble followed her like a shadow. Like the time she ate an ungodly amount of ice cream, got sick, and then switched back to Mutsumi so she’d deal with the stomachache. Or the time she’d tried to cook at Umiri’s place and nearly burned the apartment down. Trouble personified.
“I don’t cause chaos! I just want to hang out with you like Mutsumi-chan does. But then you always make mean faces and tell me to go away!”
“I do no such—” Umiri caught herself. She did exactly that whenever Mortis showed up. It wasn’t that she disliked the alter, but it did feel like losing Mutsumi when Mortis took control.
“Exactly! You can’t even deny it. You don’t like me and it makes Mutsumi-chan sad!”
That made Umiri pause. “What do you mean it makes her sad?”
Mortis began pacing, agitation radiating off her. “I mean exactly what I said! Mutsumi-chan wants us to get along, but she didn’t want to say anything cause of how you act around me!”
A pang of guilt hit Umiri’s chest. Could that really be true? She always tried to show Mutsumi affection, but she’d never been subtle about her opinions on Mortis. Was it possible Mutsumi was scared to bring it up? Of course it was. That would explain why Mortis had asked for this conversation—they’d probably planned it together.
Umiri pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why…why does it make Mutsumi sad?”
Mortis stopped pacing. Her hands curled into small fists at her sides. The alter was clearly agitated, and was fully assuming her role of protector. “Because I’m a part of Mutsumi-chan. You don’t like me. Therefore, you don’t like part of Mutsumi-chan!”
Umiri rose to her feet, defensive. “First of all, I don’t dislike you. Secondly, I’m not dating you, I’m dating Mutsumi. So when you decide to show up and take her from me, I get a little frustrated.”
Mortis let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s what you still don’t get. Mutsumi-chan knows you try really hard, and it means alot to her. But you just can’t seem to wrap your pretty head around it.”
Umiri took a slow breath. Mortis was right, she still didn’t truly understand what made Mutsumi whole.When they’d started dating, Umiri promised to love and care for all parts of her. It was time to swallow her pride and live up to that.
“Then explain it to me. Please.”
Mortis looked surprised, then pleased. She stepped closer until she was standing directly before Umiri, looking up into her face.
“I am Mutsumi-chan, and Mutsumi-chan is me.” She tapped the side of her head for emphasis. “We both live in here, as one. There are others too, but they mostly stay quiet.”
That made sense. In truth, Umiri had always known it, but she hadn’t fully accepted it.
“I mean, I suppose I understand that,” she said softly. “When you first appeared, though, it felt like you took her away from me. You hid Mutsumi, and I didn’t know if she’d ever come back.”
That time had been awful, something she still feared. Mortis frowned, clearly disagreeing with her interpretation, but thought for a moment before speaking again.
“I didn’t take her away. Think of Mutsumi-chan as…a mirror! I was the crack in the mirror, the part that split when the world pressed too hard. She looked away, so I learned to look for her.”
Mortis looked down, then lifted her gaze, eyes shining with quiet resolve.
“But we’ve learned to fit the pieces back together. The mirror isn’t perfect, it never will be, but that’s all right. The cracks catch the light now. They show where we broke, but also how we healed. When I see her face beside mine in the glass, I don’t see fracture anymore. I see us.”
Umiri was speechless. She’d never heard Mortis speak so eloquently. Maybe Mutsumi was helping from the background—but it didn’t matter. Something clicked inside her.
“That’s…I-“ Umiri struggled to put her thoughts into words.
“Close your eyes.”
That threw Umiri for another loop. “Huh?”
Mortis’s cheeks puffed out again. It was honestly quite adorable. “Just do it!”
Umiri nodded and obeyed, still processing everything. Her thoughts scattered entirely when she felt soft lips press against hers. Her first instinct was this isn’t right, I can’t be kissing Mortis. But then she realized… she wasn’t. These lips felt exactly the same as always. Mortis was Mutsumi.
She wrapped her arms around the smaller girl’s waist, pulling her close and drawing out the kiss just a moment longer before breaking it. Golden eyes blinked up at her, Mortis’s face flushed.
“Wow,” she said breathlessly. “No wonder Mutsumi-chan likes that so much. It feels really nice!”
Umiri couldn’t help but laugh as the tension drained from her body.
“Im glad you approve. It might take some time, but I promise I’ll do my best to understand this, understand you.”
Mortis beamed at that. “Good! That’s all we ask. Ok, Mutsumi-chan wants to come back out now. Talk soon, Umiri-chan!”
Umiri watched as that odd, doll-like stillness passed over her features again. Then her expression softened, and Mutsumi’s familiar presence returned.
“Welcome back, Mutsumi.”
Mutsumi blinked a few times before responding with a shy smile. “Hello. Sorry for setting her loose on you.”
Umiri leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Don’t apologize. I definitely needed someone to chew me out.”
“You did. You’re stubborn.”
Umiri chuckled. She couldn’t argue with that. There was still a long road ahead, but she was confident they’d find their rhythm, together.