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Sherlock's POV****
That night I slept for a couple hours, longer than I normally slept and then spent the remainder of the time watching John sleep, memorizing everything I could about him. He was perfect and I wanted every part of him locked in my mind palace forever.
The next couple of days passed in much the same manner as the first John spent with me. We had breakfast with my family before I headed off to my lab and John followed me, curling up in a chair nearby reading while I worked on various experiments. I didn't find myself getting bored as I normally did, I didn't find myself going mad without a case.
Things never seem to stay peaceful like that long for me, not that I mind as I know I would be bored with peaceful. It was the third day of John's stay with me that I pushed him to far. I got a text message from a young police inspector asking for assistance on a cold case that was being looked into on the behalf of one of the family members of the victim. As they were at a dead end the chief inspector had ordered for me to be contacted.
When the case file arrived I read it, using John as a sounding board, making comments as I went. It was one such comment that sparked a fight between John and I. I had solved the case quickly and easily. I made an offhand comment that if the yard weren't such sentimental idiots and had actually taken the time to interrogate the family then the killer would have been caught already.
John watched me for a minute as I kept talking, his face taking on that pinched expression he got whenever I was bullying anyone.”You don’t feel upset that it was a child that was killed?” He asked, his voice tight in a warning I didn’t heed.
“Of course not, feeling upset does not help me solve the case now does it? Feeling sorry for the child or for the parents is not conducive to the work so why would I? Sentiment is a mistake found on the losing side, it doesn’t do any good.” I answered him, looking at him like he was an idiot.
His expression darkened for a moment before shutting down completely as he stood, grabbed his books from the table by his chair and left without a word to me. I stared after him for a moment, confused as to what I did that could possibly upset him before shrugging and going back to my case.
I finished the case, texting my conclusion to the inspector just before Mycroft told me it was supper time. I headed to the dining room, certain that John would be there waiting with my family to eat. I was surprised that he wasn’t there, there wasn’t even a place set for him.
I looked at Mother with a raised eyebrow while she glared at me from her position at the head of the table. I opened my mouth to ask where John was but Mother simply pointed at a chair. “Sit down, Sherlock. Eat your dinner.” With that she stood from the dining room table, patting Mycroft’s shoulder before leaving him and I to eat dinner together.
“I have to say I am impressed with John. He lasted three whole days living with you before you were able to push him away. Even still he hasn’t run off despite your best effort.” Mycroft stated conversationally as he started eating slowly.
I glared at him, pretending that his words didn’t worry me before snarling “Piss off Mycroft.” I then shoved a fork full of food into my mouth, still glaring at him.
“He’d be glad you are eating.” He muttered, rolling his eyes. “He’s good for you Sherlock, stop trying to hurt him. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“You were the one always telling me that caring isn’t an advantage.” I grumbled at him, slouching in my chair with a pout.
“Since when do you listen to me dear brother?” He started before pausing, shaking his head before starting again. “John is different than the people I was referring to when I told you that. For one thing he is genuine, he loves you and will do anything to protect you. With him caring is an advantage.” With that he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me sitting there by myself with my thoughts.
*********John’s POV*********
I didn’t know if I was more furious or hurt about what happened with Sherlock in his study. If Sherlock couldn’t care even a little about the murder of a child then how could he possibly care about me? I knew he was cold but I thought his being heartless was just an act, something he did to protect himself. It seemed like I was wrong, it wasn’t an act and I was stupid enough to think otherwise. I rolled my eyes at myself. Apparently I was leaning more towards hurt.
I didn’t have anywhere else to go after leaving Sherlock in the lab so I fled to the only place I had, his room and I locked the door behind me. I couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to actually believe that Sherlock cared about me. I was as stupid as Sherlock said I was.
Catherine found me not to long after I had hid myself in Sherlock’s room. I had thrown myself down on the bed where I had been sleeping next to Sherlock for the past couple nights. I had just buried my face in Sherlock’s pillow because i enjoyed torturing myself apparently. When she let herself in, unlocking the door and sitting down beside me.
“I figured you were hungry dear. Dealing with my Sherlock can be very taxing for even the strongest of people.” She poked me until I sat up, setting a plate down on my lap before moving to start fussing around with Sherlock’s paperwork. “Eat, it’ll give you the energy to deal with Sherlock again.” She ordered, barely even glancing over her shoulder at me.
I gave a sad chuckle before shaking my head. “I don’t think I’ll ever have the energy to deal with Sherlock.” I sighed and rubbed my face sadly. “Or the heart.” I mumbled quietly. “Everytime I think he actually cares about me, everytime I think I’m getting through the walls he put up he pushes me away again and builds another one.”
Catherine chuckled and shook her head, rolling her eyes as she sat next to me. “Don’t let him discourage you. He’s scared.” She laughed. “My boys are smart. They are geniuses, the both of them. They are smarter than anyone I have ever met, and god help anyone who meets anyone smarter. They can solve anything they want but when then they get scared….. They don’t handle it well at all. They run from what scares them.”
I sighed and put the food to the side, having simply picked at it. “Why does him running have to hurt me though?” I mumbled before Catherine wrapped her arm around my shoulder, patting my back gently.
“That’s the way he knows to run, that’s how he has always done it.” She said quietly, smiling before patting my shoulder gently once more before standing up and heading out the door with my food tray in hand. “He loves you John, don’t give up on him.”
I watched her leave before throwing myself backwards on the bed. I was getting pep talks from the mother of the man I was in love with, that I was pining for. I didn’t need that, I wasn’t that hopeless just yet really. Well that wasn’t true, I was hopelessly in love with someone who seemingly didn’t care about me. I suppose that did make me hopeless enough for Catherine’s pep talk.
I stood up and locked the door again before throwing myself backwards onto the bed once again. I curled up in a ball on the bed, back facing the door as I closed my eyes and buried my face in Sherlock’s pillow, trying to forget the day. I fell asleep trying to forget, ignoring the tears that had leaked out of my clenched shut eyes.
I’m not sure how long I was asleep but I woke up to the bed dipping as someone sat beside me. I was blinking myself awake when that someone laid down behind me and wrapped their arms around me. I tensed and reached up to scrub my eyes, wiping the tears that had continued falling even after I fell asleep.
A face pressed against the back of my neck as the arms tightened around me. “You’re angry with me.” Sherlock muttered quietly.
I huffed and rolled my eyes before murmuring “No shit Sherlock.”
“I’m.. I’m sorry John.” He whispered it, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of my neck.
I twisted around to look at Sherlock. He actually looked sorry but I couldn’t help remembering what a good actor he was. In order to be sorry he would have to actually have feelings, more specifically feelings for me.
I shook my head before turning back around to face away from him as the tears started falling again. I wasn’t one to cry normally but the week had been one constant stream of highs and lows so I would let myself cry, if only this once.
“John…” Sherlock muttered in a small voice when I turned my back on him. “John, please.” He whispered as he pulled me closer.
“Go away Sherlock.” I muttered, curling in on myself and pulling away from Sherlock a little.
“John please, lets talk about this.” Sherlock begged and I felt myself start to give in, my heart starting to break all over again. I started to turn around again before stopping myself. I took a few deep breaths before finally turning back around to face Sherlock.
I gasped a little when I saw Sherlock’s face, tears streaming down his cheeks. I forgot all about the fact that I was hurting and that I should be angry at him as I reached up to cup his cheek. “Oh, darling.” I whispered quietly, stroking his cheek gently to wipe away the tears.
He turned his head to press a kiss to the palm of my hands before nuzzling against it. “Please don’t leave me John. I beg of you.” He begged quietly, pressing against me more. “Please don’t leave me.”
********* Sherlock’s POV********
After Mycroft left me to my thoughts I picked at my food while thinking about John and what he meant to me. Despite my self diagnosis of being a sociopath I knew it wasn’t true. I felt remorse, maybe not as much as a normal person would but I truly did feel it. I felt extremely sorry for hurting John the way I did. I don’t think I will ever forget the look of hurt that crossed his face when I told him caring wasn’t an advantage.
The extent that John cared for me surprised me still. I knew he would care for me eventually but I had no idea how much he would. He loved me and I honestly loved him which scared me. I lashed out because of that fear and now I was terrified that I was going to loose the most important person in the world to me.
I pushed myself away from the table and walked to my room, knowing that John would be there. I arrived just as my mother was leaving the room, glaring as she walked by me. The look said to stay out until I was ready to clean up this mess.
I paced quietly in front of the door even though I was ready to try my best to clean up this mess. I was scared to open that door. I paced the hallway trying to build up my courage to face John. When I finally got up the courage I opened the door as quietly as I could, heart stopping in my chest when I saw John curled up on the bed, sleeping.
I stood there for a minute simply watching him, watching how he curled up tighter into himself. It broke my heart to see that and know I caused it. I took a deep breath before sitting down on the bed behind John, shifting to lay right behind him and wrapping my arms around him. I pressed my face into the back of his neck, breathing deeply as his scent comforted me. “You’re angry with me.” I muttered quietly, not knowing what else to say.
I felt John tense as he woke before he muttered “No shit Sherlock.” Had it been any other instance I would have laughed but the pain in his voice made me feel more like crying.
“I’m…. I’m sorry John.” I whispered quietly, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of his neck, something that I had done just the night before with John happily turning in my arms to kiss me in return. Now he stiffened before twisting to look at me.
I bit my lip, taking a deep breath to stop the tears I felt sting my eyes when he shook his head and turned his back on me. His shoulders started shaking and I bit my lip harder to keep the whine from escaping me. I made him cry and it killed me.
“John…” I muttered in a small voice, pressing closer to him. “John, please..” I begged him.
“Go away Sherlock.” He muttered, curling in on himself and pulling away from me a little. I fought the flinch that his pulling away caused.
“John, please. Let’s talk about this.” I begged. I couldn’t loose John, I couldn’t but I couldn’t get through to him if he wouldn’t talk to me. How could I get him to stay.
Tears finally burst through the dam I was creating by biting my lip as hard as possible. The streamed down my cheeks as I tried to hold John as close as possible.
He turned around to face me and gasped when he saw the tears streaming down my face. He reached up to cup my cheek, whispering “Oh, darling” quietly as he stroked my cheek to wipe the tears away.
I couldn’t believe that even when I knew he was hurting he was still trying to take care of me. Even though I knew he was the one hurting, that he was the one who deserved the comfort I couldn’t help myself as I begged him. “Please don’t leave me John. I beg of you. Please don’t leave me.” I pressed against John even more.
John wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. “Oh Sherlock.” He muttered, holding me closer to him as he ran his fingers along my back. “I’m not going to leave you love, I promise.” I gasped out a sob as I cuddled closer to him. I didn’t deserve John, he was perfect. He was the sweetest, kindest, and most perfect person ever.
“I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than I.” I muttered against his throat. The shaking of his head drove me out of my hiding place with my face buried in his neck. I glanced up at him, stopping him before he could say anything. “It is the truth John, there is no use in denying it. You are perfect, so kind and smart. You are the best man I have ever had the privilege of knowing. You deserve someone who is at least partially as perfect as you which I am not even close to being. I am rude, arrogant, vile, mean, and will always seemingly say the one thing that will hurt you.”
John frowned and shook his head once again. His brilliant blue eyes flashing with anger, probably at what I was saying. “You have got to be the dumbest genius ever. You are a great man Sherlock, especially given the circumstances you have faced. Given time and the chance you can and will become a good man. I am the one who doesn’t deserve you.” He gave a harsh laugh. “You can have anyone you want, anyone would be lucky to have you. You are not only a genius but are also the most handsome man I have ever met. Hell I would bet you are the most handsome man anyone has ever met. I have a hard time fathoming why you would possibly want me? Apparently you do though and I won’t argue against that.”
I wanted to argue with him, to try and convince him that he was wrong but I couldn’t bring myself to. I was much to selfish to chance loosing him. “I love you John.” I murmured quietly, giving up on arguing. This was one argument I was to selfish to win.
He smiled tenderly at me before kissing my forehead. “I love you too Sherlock.” He whispered quietly, pulling me close. I gave a sigh of relief and curled closer to him. I couldn’t help feeling so incredibly happy about the fact that John still loved me, that he still wanted to be with me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I whispered, curling closer to him, fingers trailing my fingers up and down his sides. “I mean I did but I didn’t. I never want to hurt you.”
John kissed my forehead again before pulling the covers over us and wrapping his arms tight around me. “I know love, I know.” He whispered before tilting my head up to press a gentle kiss to my lips. “Now sleep love, we can talk about this more in the morning.”
I opened my mouth to argue but he gently covered my mouth before anything could escape. “No arguing love. You owe me a cuddle and a nap.” With that John threw an arm across my stomach and one of his legs across mine, pinning me to the bed. With that he rested his head on my chest and started to fake snore.
I started laughing which caused him to burst into giggles which had to have been the greatest sound I had ever heard. I would have missed it had I lost John. Instead of getting down again I tipped his face up and kissed him gently. He grinned into the kiss, letting it deepen for a few minutes before pulling away with a yawn.
I chuckled a little before resting back against the bed, holding John close to me. I didn’t say anything as John relaxed against me for real this time, closing his eyes as I gently started stroking his hair.
As John drifted off I kept watching him and running my fingers through his hair. I couldn’t believe how close I had come to losing John. I didn’t expect him to stand me as long as he had but that didn’t mean I wanted to lose him. I never wanted to lose John, he was my everything already. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, happy because I knew that at least for now John wasn’t going to leave me.
********* John’s POV******
I woke up warm and comfortable the next morning, long arms wrapped tightly around me, keeping me firmly against a warm chest. I blinked up at the man holding me like an octopus, smiling at the peaceful look on his face.
I laid there watching him sleep for a few minutes, marveling in the knowledge that he actually loved me and was willing to apologize to me, something I’m positive he never did for anyone else willingly. I never expected that when we started dating I would love him as much as I did, nor did I expect that Sherlock would actually love me as he appeared to.
I marveled at that for a few more moments before my full bladder made itself known. I squirmed in Sherlock’s hold, trying to escape but to no avail. Sherlock was clinging to me tightly. I stopped fighting for a minute before smirking and poking him in the ribs before moving to tickle him.
Sherlock woke with a start, releasing me quickly and trying to squirm away from my fingers. “JOHN!” I’m sure he would deny the shriek that escaped his mouth just before he fell off the bed.
His head poked over the side, confusion clear on his face as if he wasn’t sure just what happened. The look on his face was not only perfect but also adorable. I started laughing, rolling over to poke my head over the side of the bed to stare down at the other man.
“Are you alright love?” I asked, still laughing as I watched him. Sherlock glared at me as I gave him a shrug and grinned at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t do anything but escape from your hold you bloody octopus.” I paused and studied him for a moment before frowning. “You are okay aren’t you love?”
Sherlock nodded and gave a small smile before climbing onto the bed. I grinned at him before kissing his cheek and getting off the bed. “Be right back love.” I muttered, heading to the bathroom.
I relieved myself, brushed my teeth then headed back towards Sherlock’s bed once more. Sherlock was sitting where I left him, hands folded beneath his chin in what I have come to think of as his mind palace position. His eyes were closed and his face pensive to the point of almost being blank.
I sat back down on the bed, settling against Sherlock’s side. I studied him as he sat there thinking, smiling as my eyes traced along the lines of his face, the sharpness of his cheekbones. He was beautiful and I couldn’t believe he was mine.
I smirked when that thought crossed my mind, reaching out to trace one of those tempting cheekbones. Sherlock jumped a little as he came back to himself, turning to face me. A smile twitched across his lips as he looked at me.
“Hey love.” I whispered, eyes traveling over his face, glancing down at his lips for a moment before looking back up into his beautiful eyes. I leaned in slowly, bringing our lips together in a chaste, gentle kiss.
Sherlock closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, his hands going to cup the back of my neck as I slid mine into his hair, pulling him even closer. I hummed into the kiss, tilting my head to deepen it slowly as I pressed against him, laying him down on the bed and crawling ontop of him.
I pulled away a little and smiled tenderly at Sherlock. His face was flushed, stormy blue eyes shining up at me and a shy smile on his face. My stomach was in knots even as butterflies fluttered all around. I loved this man with every particle of my being.
“I love you.” I whispered it before brushing my lips against his. He smile brightened and became less shy. He kissed me back, sliding his hands around to cradle the back of my neck and pulling me firmer against him, the kiss once more deepening.
******Sherlock’s POV******
I moaned as I felt John’s tongue flick out against my lips, coaxing my lips open and then sliding his tongue into my mouth to tangle with my own. I gasped, I couldn’t help it, as John deepened the kiss even more and gently let some of his weight press against me. I felt how the proof of how much he was enjoying this against my stomach and I knew he felt the same proof against him.
I moaned again, whispering his name as he started to rut against me, the friction making me moan even louder. I lifted my hips in response, chancing the wonderful friction even as the knowledge that it was John above me, John rubbing against me made it even more intense.
His name became a constant stream coming from my lips, it became a chant as each move made me gasp it out once more. I felt a tightening in my stomach that signaled I was close just as the faster thrusts of John’s hips signaled the same thing.
I threw my head back, crying out his name as I came. John was right behind me, his back arching as he came, crying out my name.
He collapsed against me, panting hard as he buried his face in my neck. I held him close as I kept panting hard, body shaking through the aftershocks. As I started to get my breath back I couldn’t keep the smile from spreading over my face. I felt an answering smile against my neck just before the body pressed tightly against me started shaking, quiet laughter sounding in my ear.
I didn’t take the laughter personally, mostly due to the fact that I was also laughing. It was mostly due to relief and happiness. I smiled and tipped John’s face so I could give him a gentle kiss before whispering against his lips “I love you so very much John Watson.”
He smiled tenderly at me, something I would forever associate with this moment, one of the happiest moments of my life because John was with me. “I love you too Sherlock Holmes.” He whispered quietly, grinning at me.