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Louis' brother Liam had been friends with Harry Styles for a good three years. Louis was two years younger than them, and so he never really got to spend much time with Harry, but the curly haired boy spent a lot of time at his house, playing video games with Liam, and occasionally staying for dinner. Harry and Liam were seventeen, and Louis was fifteen, and he'd had the biggest crush on Harry for practically as long as he and Liam had been friends.
He can still remember the first time he saw Harry. Louis was twelve, and Harry was fourteen, and Louis was sitting in front of the telly after school watching some reality show with his mum, and Liam had walked in, Harry following right behind him. Liam had introduced Louis and their mum to Harry, and then the two older lads had headed off to Liam's room to do something that was probably really fun, but they wouldn't want Louis to join because he was "little". And really, twelve wasn't so young. Especially not compared to fourteen. But his mum had told him that Liam was a teenager now, and it was normal for him to want space from his little brother. That didn't make Louis any less annoyed, though.
For the first few weeks after Harry and Liam had become friends, Louis was jealous of Harry, because Liam used to spend all his free time with him, but now he had Harry, and so Louis was often left alone, too shy to really make any friends of his own.
After time, though, he got less and less jealous of Harry, and more and more jealous of Liam. Because Harry was the most gorgeous boy Louis had ever seen. His deep, rich, brown hair was curly, and he had the brightest green eyes Louis had ever seen. Sometimes he'd watch Liam and Harry playing video games, and Harry would smile brightly, and he had these really cute dimples in his cheeks that would appear. Sometimes he said curse words, and Louis would smile to himself, because he wasn't supposed to say those words or listen to those words, but they sounded kind of pretty coming from Harry and he figured they couldn't really be all that bad.
He spent most of the days when Harry was over slyly watching him from the corners of rooms, or listening in on Harry and Liam's conversations through the door to Liam's room. And he figured that it was creepy, and it was definitely an invasion of privacy. But his brother was excluding him, and what else was he meant to do? He got bored easily and didn't like to just sit in one spot for too long, unless that was what he had to do to listen in on Liam and Harry. He could sit there for hours.
He was thirteen the time he heard the conversation that changed his whole perspective on the world a bit. He was sitting outside of Liam's door, playing a little handheld game with the volume turned all the way down, so they wouldn't know he was there. He'd heard the two friends talking happily, but suddenly, Harry's tone changed. Louis could imagine him getting a somewhat stern look on his face as he said the next words that came out of his mouth.
"Li." He said. "Can I tell you a secret? Something important?"
"Sure, mate." Liam said, and Louis could imagine him clapping Harry on the shoulder in encouragement. "Anything."
"So...You know how you're always talking about girls you fancy? And I never really join in, aside from just telling you to ask them for tea?" Harry asked. "Which I still think you should do with Danielle, by the way. I see the way she looks at you in class." He added, offhandedly.
"Yeah, yeah. Maybe I will. But back to you, Harry."
"Right." Harry said, getting himself back on track. "Well, the reason I never join in is because I don't....like girls." Harry said. "I like boys."
Had Louis heard Harry right? Louis was a somewhat sheltered individual when it came right down to it, and he hadn't really been aware that boys ever liked other boys. He knew that he liked Harry, but he thought that he was strange and that maybe he was a freak of nature, and so he'd been keeping his feelings to himself. But Harry liked boys, too. So it couldn't be all that strange, could it? It must be normal.
"You're gay?" Liam asked.
Gay. Kids had called Louis that at school before. He'd never known what it meant, so he'd always just brushed it off. But when they called him that, they were implying that he liked boys? And they were using it as an insult?
Louis was confused now. Was this normal or wasn't it?
"Yeah, mate."
"Thanks for telling me, Harry." Liam said, and Louis could hear the smile in his voice. "It means a lot that you trust me with this."
"Thank you for not judging me." Harry said. "I didn't think you would, but there's always that fear, you know?"
There was a small silence in which Louis assumed Liam had nodded.
"Who else knows?"
"Just you, my mum, Robin and Gemma."
"So, I'm the first friend you've told?"
"You're my best friend." Harry said. "Who the hell did you think I'd tell first?"
Liam laughed, "You hungry?"
"Starving, actually."
Louis knew that was his cue to leave, quickly getting up and running to his room, flopping down on the bed.
000
By the time Louis was fourteen, he didn't spy so much anymore. Now that he was getting older it just felt a little creepy listening in on them, and after the time he'd heard about Harry's first kiss it was just a bit too painful to listen, because he wished he could've been Harry's first kiss. He wanted Harry to be his.
Louis learned a lot more about being gay over the time from when he'd heard Harry's confession to Liam and now. He was very solid in the fact that that was, in fact, what he was. He'd also learned that there was nothing wrong with it, though a lot of people seemed to think there was.
On one of the rare days that Liam came home without Harry in tow, Louis decided to sit him down, along with their mum, and tell them about him.
So here they were, the three of them in the living room. Jay and Liam on the couch, and Louis standing in front of them. He knew Liam would be accepting, but he didn't know about his mother. Did she know Harry was gay? Was she fine with it?
"So, um." He began, not sure how to word himself. "Let's just get it over with, shall we? I'm gay."
Well, that had been simpler than he'd thought.
Liam stood up from the couch, taking his brother into a hug, "I'm so proud of you for telling us."
"Thanks, Li." Louis smiled, although Liam was squeezing him so hard he couldn't breathe.
"Oh, baby." Jay said, standing up and joining the hug.
Louis wasn't sure what that meant, and his mother had tears in her eyes.
"Mum? Are you...Is that okay?"
"That you're gay?" She asked. "Of course, love. Of course. You're my baby boy and I'll always love you, no matter who you fall in love with."
"Thank you, mum. That means a lot." Louis smiled.
"Any time. And if you ever need advice or have any questions, come to me or Liam. I'm sure we'll be able to help, alright?"
Louis nodded, and Jay got up to go and fix dinner.
"You should definitely come to me and not mum." Liam said. "Harry's gay, so I'm well informed, and mum just likes to think she knows everything."
Louis let out a laugh as Liam squeezed him one more time and walked away, but part of him wondered if Liam might tell Harry about the fact that he was gay. He doubted it, because Liam hardly ever talked to Louis about Harry, and he hardly ever talked to Harry about Louis, so he didn't think it would even really be something that would come up.
It was that same year, many months later, that Harry got his first boyfriend.
Louis was seething with jealousy nearly all the time. Harry was spending slightly less time at his house hanging out with Liam, and even if they hardly ever talked, he missed Harry's presence in the house.
It was two months after that that Harry showed up crying, falling into Liam's arms as Liam held him tight and brought Harry up to his room to talk.
Louis broke his no more eavesdropping rule that day and listened in.
Harry's boyfriend had cheated on him with some older bloke from Uni, and it had apparently been going on for three weeks without Harry knowing, until he walked in on them when he went to retrieve a jacket he'd left on his boyfriend's bed that afternoon.
Louis didn't really want to know why Harry's jacket was on that boy's bed, nor did he want to imagine what Harry's boyfriend had been doing with the older guy. All he knew was that he wanted to punch that idiot for breaking Harry's heart like this. Because Harry was still crying even as he finished the story. Louis could hear it in his voice, and the way his breath was coming in hiccuping gasps.
If Louis was Harry's boyfriend he would never ever hurt him like that in a million years. He would hug him and kiss him and tell him how pretty his dimples were and he'd make him feel special and he wouldn't want anyone else because if he had Harry, why would he? Why would anyone?
He listened as Harry cried some more, and Liam whispered comforting words to him, and Louis could just imagine that Liam was rubbing his back, and he had never wanted to be Liam more in his life than he did in that moment, because he wanted to be the one comforting Harry. He wanted to make the gorgeous curly haired boy feel better and smile again, because Louis was pretty sure that the world would be a much sadder place without Harry's smile.
By the time Louis was barely fifteen, Harry had moved on. He was coming over a lot more again, and he looked happy once more, and he and Liam went back to playing video games, and still never paying any attention to Louis. Louis was annoyed. He never left the house. He was always there, and yet Harry hardly even gave him a second glance.
He supposed it could have been because he was shy, and he himself hardly ever tried to start a conversation with Harry for fear of annoying him or saying the wrong thing.
Ever since they'd first met when he was twelve, whenever Harry would stay over for dinner, Louis would be much more quiet than usual, staring down at his food and eating, listening as Harry and Liam jabbered on about school.
Liam finally ended up asking that Danielle girl out, and for a few months, Harry wasn't coming over as often, simply because Liam was out on dates. But eventually Liam straightened out his priorities, making time for Danielle, and time for Harry.
It was Friday night and Harry was over. He and Liam were outside, playing football, Louis thought, which made him angrier than it should, because he was great at football, and he and Liam always used to play, and he wished they'd stop leaving him out. He understood why they might have wanted to when he was younger. He was twelve and naive. But he was fifteen now, and he was almost as mature as they were at seventeen. He'd grown up quite nicely, he thought, and he felt like them excluding him was rather useless at this point.
Jay called them in for dinner, and they all sat down to eat. Louis decided he was going to take matters into his own hands. He was too old and had liked Harry for far too long to just sit by anymore hoping that one day Harry would notice him. Hoping that one day, Harry would truly see him. See how he felt about him.
"Harry." He spoke up, much quieter than necessary. He wondered briefly if Harry had even heard him. "I didn't know you played football."
"Oh." Harry said, swallowing the bite of food he'd just taken. "I don't really. Liam wanted to play, and he sort of forced me."
Louis laughed a little at that, not sure how to continue with the conversation from there. He went back to focusing on his food. That had been a bust.
Liam spoke up a few minutes later, "Hey, mum? Mind if Haz spends the night? I haven't seen him much lately."
"Yeah, 'cause you've got a girlfriend." Harry teased, nudging Liam's elbow with his own.
"Oh, shut it." Liam laughed, and then turned back to his mother. "So, what do you say?"
"Sure, as long as it's alright with his parents."
"Yes!" Both boys said in unison.
Louis was frozen. Absolutely in shock. In the three years that Harry and Liam had been friends, Harry had never spent the night at their house. Not once. Louis didn't know if he'd be able to handle it, knowing that Harry was sleeping right down the hall and not being able to watch him or hold him or even speak to him for the rest of the night. He was going to explode. What if he did something embarrassing? What if he forgot in the morning and came downstairs in his pajamas with his hair all sleep mussed and Harry just laughed at him? He couldn't do this.
When dinner was over, Louis rushed up to his room, closing himself inside and picking up a book, reading until it got late enough that he hoped Harry and Liam would be in Liam's room for the night. He was pretty sure people never really slept at sleepovers, though maybe that was just a girl thing. Either way, he hoped they'd at least be pretending to sleep, because he needed to take a wee awfully badly, as he'd been hiding out in his room for hours now, and he wasn't sleepy at all. His mind racing with the fact that Harry was currently just down the hall from him, and it was well near midnight.
He got up out of his bed, walking quietly down the hall and into the toilet, taking a quick wee and then heading downstairs. He turned the telly on quietly, flipping through channels, trying to find something to take his mind off of the curly haired boy that was currently inhabiting his brother's room, possibly sound asleep.
He heard a creak on the steps and turned around quickly, expecting to see his mother telling him to get back to his room. That was a rule in their house. On weekends you had to be in your room by midnight. You didn't have to be sleeping, really. Just in your room.
However, upon turning around, he saw Harry making his way down the steps.
His heart began to pound, and his throat got a little dry. He'd never been in the same room as Harry without Liam, and on top of that, Harry seemed to like sleeping half naked and had decided not to get dressed before coming downstairs in someone else's house. His curly hair was flying every which way, and Louis was pretty sure he'd never seen anything more gorgeous in his entire life. Harry really should put on some clothes, though, because Louis was pretty sure walking around in someone else's house wearing nothing but your boxers was rather bad etiquette.
Louis couldn't really say he minded, though, as his eyes quickly roamed over Harry's chest and stomach, taking in the definition. He had nice legs as well, thin but muscular.
He reached the bottom of the steps, and Louis wasn't sure what compelled him to do it, but he got up, crossing the room to the bottom of the steps.
"Harry?" He whispered.
Harry jumped slightly, "Shit, Louis. I thought I was the only one up."
Louis' breath hitched slightly at the sound of his name coming out of Harry's mouth, along with the expletive, "Nope." He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."
"Me either." Harry said. "Your brother snores, and I'm hungry."
Louis laughed softly, forcing himself to keep his eyes on Harry's face, and not let them roam down his exposed torso, "Are you cold? It's a bit chilly in here."
"Mm, a bit." Harry nodded. "Suppose I should've put some pants on before traipsing about your house."
Louis couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw him blushing, "Could've been worse. You could've run into mum." He laughed, but Harry didn't, just sort of staring at him. Louis felt his face grow hot under Harry's gaze. "Um...D'you...You want to borrow my jumper?" Louis asked. "S'a bit big on me, so it should fit you nicely."
"Oh, I couldn't. I'll just go get my-"
"No!" Louis said, a bit too forcefully, taking a pause to calm himself. "Just...wouldn't want to make you go all the way back upstairs. Just take mine. Honestly. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
Louis nodded, taking off his red jumper and handing it to Harry who slipped it on. Louis' stomach did a little flip flop at the sight of Harry in his clothes.
"Looks good on you." He said softly.
"Oh." Harry said, looking down at the jumper that was covering his previously exposed torso. "Thanks. It probably looked better on you, though."
Louis couldn't tell if Harry was just being nice, or if he was flirting. It felt like flirting.
"You said you were hungry?" Louis asked.
"Yeah." Harry nodded. "Yeah, I was. Am."
"You can help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen."
Harry nodded, walking past Louis and into the kitchen. Louis went back into the living room, sitting down in front of the telly and turning the channel to a rerun of an old Skins episode. He used to watch this show with Liam when they were younger and their mum was out, because she really didn't appreciate the content of the show, finding it much too vulgar. He'd only seen a few episodes here and there, but he was quite fond of it.
As he watched it now, he realized that had he seen more of it when he was younger, he would've known what gay was much sooner than he had, seeing that there was a gay character on the show. Louis liked him. He seemed nice.
Harry came back into the room a few minutes later. He started to walk past, back upstairs, but then he took a glance at the telly, "Skins?"
Louis nodded.
"Mind if I stick around? I haven't seen this show in ages."
"Sure." Louis shrugged, trying not to let his heart beat completely out of his chest and onto the floor as Harry sat next to him.
"Oh, this episode's brilliant."
"I've never seen it." Louis said, keeping his eyes trained on the television and as far away from Harry as possible.
Harry was eating chocolate cake, which he honestly didn't remember them having, but Harry must have found it somewhere in the kitchen. The smell was wafting its way up his nose and it smelled delicious. He hadn't realized he was hungry, but as the scent filled his nostrils, his stomach growled.
Harry chuckled from where he was sitting next to him, "Want a bite?"
"What?" Louis asked, turning to face him.
"Just heard your stomach." Harry said. "You sound hungry. Want a bite of my cake?"
"Oh." Louis swallowed hard. What was the right answer here? "Sure. Yeah."
Harry got a bit of cake on his fork and held it out for Louis. Was he...Was he trying to feed him? Louis looked from Harry to the fork and then back to Harry.
"Go on then." Harry said. "I'm not going to try and shove the fork down your throat and kill you, I promise."
Louis leaned forward slowly, taking the fork between his lips and getting the bite of cake into his mouth before pulling back.
"See? You're still alive." Harry smiled. "There's no fork lodged in your throat."
Louis smiled back at Harry, though he was pretty sure he just looked more nervous than anything.
For three years, Harry had completely ignored him. And now he was sitting next to him on a couch feeding him cake off his fork while they watched Skins together. Something wasn't right.
He turned his attention back to the program they were watching, and so did Harry. There was a small spark in his brain, urging him to move just slightly to his right. Just a little closer to Harry, just to see what would happen. The night was going strangely anyway, so Louis figured there was no use in not trying it. What was the worse that could happen? Harry could shove him away and just go back up to Liam's room and sleep and things could go back to the way they always were with Harry ignoring Louis, and Louis pining over him.
He scooted to his right just a tad, still leaving room on the couch between he and Harry. He could feel Harry's gaze on him, but refused to meet it.
A few seconds later, he felt a slight shifting on the couch next to him, and then Harry's body was so close to his that he could feel the warmth radiating from it, and he turned to face Harry against his better judgement. Harry was looking down, but upon feeling Louis' gaze on him, he looked up, and their eyes met.
Louis was pretty sure he stopped breathing. Harry's eyes were such a beautiful green in the mostly dark room, the telly giving it just a hint of light. Harry's eyes were locked on his, and he couldn't look away. Harry's gaze had him trapped.
"Louis." Harry whispered, and Louis wasn't really sure why he'd said his name.
And then slowly, Harry was leaning in, and Louis was frozen still, and then Harry's lips were pressed against his, and he forgot to close his eyes, but that was okay, because Harry's eyes were open, too. And then his lips were gone, and Louis wanted to punch something because no, come back. It had all gone too quickly and why was Harry pulling away? And why had he kissed him in the first place?
He went to get up, to go up to his room and try to forget that this night had happened, but Harry's hand coming down to rest on his knee stopped him.
"Wait." Harry said softly. "I just wanted to set my cake down. I didn't want it to make a mess."
Louis bit the inside of his lip, not really sure what was going on. Harry took Louis' shoulders, angling him so that they were facing each other, and then leaning in, pressing his lips against Louis'. They both closed their eyes this time, and Harry's hands slid up from his shoulders, along his neck until they were resting on his cheeks, and Louis brought his hands up to rest on Harry's biceps, squeezing them lightly, because this was his first kiss and where were his hands even supposed to go? Harry didn't seem to mind, though, and he continued kissing Louis, their lips moving against each other slowly now. And that's all it was, just lips moving against lips, gentle and tentative, and then Harry was pulling back, and it was still over too soon for Louis' taste, but he figured he really ought to start breathing again, lest he pass out.
Harry just reached over, grabbing his cake off the table and sitting back against the couch.
Louis was dumbfounded. Weren't they going to talk about this?
"Harry?" Louis asked, voice barely above a whisper.
"Hmm?"
"What just happened?"
"We kissed." Harry said simply.
"I know that, but I-" Louis stopped. This was silly. Harry had obviously just kissed him because he was bored or something and he certainly didn't have feelings for Louis like Louis did for Harry.
"Hey, Louis?" Harry said, swallowing his last bite of cake. Louis looked up. "Come here." Harry said, setting his plate back down and lifting his arm up for Louis to come snuggle under.
He did so, scooting over and tucking himself into Harry's side, "Harry, can I tell you something?"
"Sure." Harry said, eyes on the television rather than on Louis.
"I've always sort of...Ever since Liam introduced you to me and mum the first time, I've always sort of thought you were lovely." Louis breathed out, and Harry's eyes moved from the TV to Louis' face. "And...And I've always fancied you."
"Have you?" Harry asked, stunned.
"Mhhm." Louis hummed. "But you never paid much attention to me. You and Liam always treated me like I was so much younger, and two years isn't that big of a difference, Harry. Liam and I used to be best friends before you came along, and then suddenly you were both treating me like I was five."
"But you fancy me?" Harry asked.
Louis nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable, because he was nearly certain Harry didn't feel the same way.
"Can I tell you something now?"
"Of course." Louis said, his heart picking up speed in its beating.
"If I'm being completely honest, I never really gave you more than a second glance before tonight." Louis felt his heart drop at Harry's words. "But when you offered me your jumper, I was kind of nervous. And I thought you looked kind of lovely, and I never noticed how pretty your eyes were. Liam's are brown and I never paid enough attention to you before to notice that yours are the most brilliant blue. And then I heard your stomach rumbling, and I don't know what possessed me to feed you my cake, but it felt right, Louis. And then you scooted closer to me, and you seemed so nervous and it was cute and I didn't want you to be nervous, so I scooted closer, too. And then I looked into your eyes, and I didn't really remember how to look away, so I guess I just kissed you instead."
"You were my first kiss." Louis said, squishing himself a little closer against Harry's side.
"That's sweet." Harry said, running his fingers up and down Louis' arms, causing goosebumps to rise up from the flesh. "I just...You weren't mine. I'm sorry you weren't."
"I know." Louis said. "And you don't have to be sorry."
"You know?" Harry asked.
Oh, whoops.
"Um, I sort of used to listen in on you and Liam sometimes." Louis admitted. "Only when I was younger, though. Guess you two were right not to want me around, really."
Harry let out a chuckle.
"You're actually the reason I came out to mum and Liam. I heard you talking to Li once about...About liking boys, and I had sort of thought before that that I was the only one, but once I found out it was normal, I researched it a bit, and now here we are."
"I'm not to keen on the idea of you listening in on our private conversations, because I said some stuff sometimes that I really hope you didn't hear." Harry began, and Louis felt a bit awful. "But I'm glad I could help, even if I didn't know I was helping."
Louis smiled, "You remember that day you showed up crying?" He asked. "Last year?"
"Yeah." Harry said, and he sounded sad.
"That made me angry." Louis told him softly. "Because no one should make you cry like that. I wanted to do something. To help. But we weren't friends and you never spoke to me and I couldn't." He sighed. "But I just wanted you to know now. I didn't like seeing you cry. I didn't want you to have to cry ever again."
"We can be friends now, though, yeah?" Harry said.
Louis felt his heart drop. He had hoped after all this that they could be more than friends.
"Oh, um. Sure." He nodded against Harry's shoulder. "I was just hoping...But no. Never mind."
"You wanted to be more than friends?" Harry asked, knowingly.
"You kissed me."
"We don't know each other well enough to just start dating, Louis. Bit ridiculous, since I've spent the better part of the last three years here. But I've been ignorant, haven't I?"
"A bit." Louis sighed.
"What do you say I take you out for tea tomorrow, though, and we'll go from there?"
"I'd really like that, Harry."
"I would, too." Harry kissed him on the top of the head, and he smiled, nuzzling a bit closer to Harry and turning his attention back to the telly.
They must have fallen asleep like that, because Louis was awakened by a pillow hitting him in the face, and Liam laughing.
"I knew this was going to happen one day."
"What?" Louis asked.
"The day you came out to me." Liam shook his head. "Man, I called this. I so called it."
"Called what?" Harry mumbled, and Louis realized he was still pressed firmly to his side.
"The two of you." Liam said, pointing between them.
"Nothing happened." Harry said.
"You're wearing his jumper, mate."
"No, Liam, nothing happened." Louis said. Although he figured a kiss really did count as something.
"Look, let's just have breakfast." Harry said. "I'm taking Louis out for tea later."
"Nothing happened, and yet you're taking my little brother out for tea?" Liam's bushy eyebrows furrowed together.
"Nothing happened yet." Harry said. "Doesn't mean nothing ever will."
"Hey, don't you go around turning my brother into a sexual deviant." Liam laughed. "He's just a baby."
Louis blushed slightly at the thought of ever having sex with Harry before saying, "Hey, I'm not a baby. Shove off."
The three of them headed to the kitchen, sitting down for breakfast and continuing their playful banter.
Louis and Harry's tea date went quite well, and they were nearly inseparable after that. They tried to include Liam as much as possible, though. Louis not wanting Liam to feel as left out as he had during Liam and Harry's three year friendship that he hadn't been a part of. They'd all hang out in Liam's room, and sometimes Harry would sleep over with strict rules from Jay for him to stay in Liam's room until morning, but that never stopped him from sneaking out and snogging Louis most nights, and Louis was completely fine with that sort of rule breaking.
He and Harry would go on double dates with Liam and Danielle, going to the cinema or out to a nice restaurant, and Louis couldn't remember ever being so happy in his life.
On Louis' seventeenth birthday, Harry told him he was in love with him, and Louis didn't even have to take a moment to think before saying it back.
He thought maybe he'd always loved him, ever since that first time he'd seen him when he was twelve. And he was rather certain he always would.