Chapter Text
Her eyes opened slowly, somewhat cloudy due to the interrupted sleep. In the dark, she uselessly tried to open them a bit more, to no avail. Still, even without seeing, somehow she knew he wasn’t lying there next to her. The room without him became empty, and the bed, cold. She patted the sheets next to her and as she suspected, found nothing but the cold void.
Turning to her cellphone on the nightstand to check the time, she flinched as she noticed how late it was, or how early. The deadly silence outside her window didn’t lie. It was a few minutes past 3 A.M.
Something was wrong. Even on the nights when he worked late on the computer, he never stayed up past midnight.
She got up on a whim and put on her slippers. She turned on the bedroom lights, then started her search through the house, finding nothing but more silence. As much as she hated to admit it, with every room found empty, her worry grew. It was no secret her husband had his demons. As much as he strived to keep them at bay, every once in a while they got the best of him. When they did, the results were always catastrophic.
Taking a deep breath as she stood in the living room after roaming the entire house, she stared at the front door and faced the bitter truth: the only explanation is that he must have gone out.
She slowly turned the knob, almost afraid of not seeing the car parked in the garage. Afraid of where he might have gone, of whether he was safe, of whether he was still… himself.
The freezing wind rushed against her skin but the cold didn’t have the slightest chance of bothering her, not as she saw the car still parked in its place and sighed in relief.
Just as she was about to turn back and restart her search through the house, certain that she must have missed him napping somewhere in the dark, she heard a noise. Almost imperceptible, low and quiet, but definitely a whimper.
She closed the door behind her, fastening her dressing gown a little bit tighter, as now the cold wind reminded her of its presence.
She spotted him. Just by the car, sitting on the ground, basked in the shine of the full moon but still engulfed in darkness from within, from which no simple light could save him.
She approached him quietly, almost afraid to startle him, as you would when approaching a wounded animal on the side of the road.
He seemed not to notice her there. If he did, he made no effort to show it. He was sitting down, his tall body curved over himself, his shoulders hunched over and his long arms holding his own legs, as if protecting himself from an imminent danger, known only to him.
She delicately sat by his side, and as she anticipated he trembled in surprise, his watery eyes meeting hers for only a split second before they turned away in embarrassment.
She tentatively put an arm around him, gauging his reaction and praying that his shame wouldn’t push her away. It didn’t. Instead, he lay his head over her shoulder, as if trying to shield himself from the horrors of the world inside her warm embrace.
“Do you want to talk about it? Or do you prefer that I just hold you?” she whispered, and after a brief moment of silent contemplation he muttered:
“It’s getting worse,” he finally said, his words low and raspy from the effort he was making not to cry in front of her. “I’m sorry,” he managed to mumble, before being interrupted by a violent sob.
She frowned her eyes, how hard it was to see him suffer like this, and how common it was getting. She rubbed his shoulder soothingly and rested her head upon his.
“I’m not… you’re here aren’t you?” As he silenced, paying attention to what she was saying, she continued. “You’re here, with me. That’s all that matters.”
“I almost… I was working, I don’t know why, I started thinking… too much… about all that happened… and I needed some air, I… I needed to forget it.”
“Hey,” she interrupted, pushing him away just to caress his cheek and hold his chin so he would finally look her in the eye. “You stayed. I’m proud of you.”
The tears flooded his eyes rapidly and he squinted to keep them from falling.
“Now… just take my hand. Let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here.”
He diverted his look downwards, breaking free from her hand over his chin but finding her other hand outstretched just in front of him. Loving. Safe.
He took her hand and they went inside.