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English
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Published:
2016-06-17
Updated:
2016-06-27
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2,525
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2/?
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Life and Death and Love and Birth

Summary:

and peace and war on the planet Earth~

 

Bucky Barnes fell off of a train, the Winter Soldier drowned in a river, and a perfectly rational person would presume that they were most definitely dead, and that they were never coming back.

James Buchanan Barnes was not one of those perfectly rational people, as he was left behind for the longest by the two souls to deal with the mess that they had left behind in their wake.

Unfortunately, it seems that both of them decided at the same time that they're a tad less than happy with having to leave, and frankly? They're not having any of it.

Or: The entirely tragic tale of Bucky Barnes and the toll that it took on the town.

Chapter 1: Like the Dawn

Summary:

"I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you first

He'd put me deep, deep under so that he could work

And like the dawn you broke the dark and my whole world shook

I was sleeping in the garden when I saw you."

-"Like the Dawn" ~ The Oh Hellos

Notes:

Okay, so Civil War kinda ruined my life a little bit. It's the first Marvel movie I've ever seen, and I made the mistake of going to read fanfiction right after. And now, here's the result of that: a thing that will be based off of many, many songs.

(There will be two results actually, but this is the only one I know how to write for now.)

Chapter Text

From the journals of James Buchanan Barnes - Entry no. 1 

xx - xx - 2014

     I guess could say that I find it "unfortunate" that this person met such a "tragic" end so early in his life.

     I could, if I even knew who the hell he was.

     I know that they told me that I know this person, but to be honest I just... don't. For right now, at least, I don't think I really have to feel anything towards him besides some fleeting, distant sadness or longing (which is apparently what normal people are supposed to feel when they see people's graves), but I don't even feel that for him. There's just nothing. Confusion, maybe, but not sadness, never sadness.

     Is this what a normal person should feel if they looked at their own grave? I don't know; it seems that normal people generally don't have to do these things in the first place. I guess it probably makes sense, though; I'm not actually dead. I guess I just thought I'd feel something for the life that was apparently taken from me. Maybe HYDRA somehow took more from me than I'd initially thought.

     Anyway, I... suppose I'd like to remember, but nothing's really come up lately, and most times, to me, it seems that there's really no way around it. Some part of myself hates the rest of me for saying this, but I'd almost think I'm fine with it.

     That isn't to say that I'm happy about this, by any means. I don't want to have to ask what my name is, and I don't want to try to kill someone the next time they answer; in which case, of course I'd have to try, at the very least. And anyway, I saved him! That must mean something... doesn't it? There's some part of me that won't let go of whatever this insanity is, so I don't think I'll be able to give up, not even if I wanted to. Not... for now, at least. I feel like there's someone I'd dissappoint if I did.

     Besides, this is my fault anyway. I know that when I see him, he'll try to tell me otherwise, and I'll try to agree with him, but I'll know that we're just lying to ourselves. I was too dependent, too trusting, I didn't fight hard enough, and I never realized until it was too late to try because the damage was already done. But, who knows, maybe it's not too late to fix it. I don't know, maybe this wasn't Bucky's fault, but I'll be damned if it wasn't mine in some way.

     I may have saved him, but I was the reason he nearly died in the first place. If I have to be James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes of the 107th to make up for seven decades' worth of blood on my hands, I'll do it. Even if I have to pretend for a while, I'll do it for them, starting with him. But I'll... just stick with "James," for now, if that's alright. I have no idea what to do now that I can finally think for myself, but for now I'm sure that, for the most part, I'll be okay with that.

     ...We'll see what happens.

~James Buchanan "Bucky"  Barnes