Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Preparing to call the tallest

Zim stood patiently infront of his screen ready to call his almighty Tallest . Over joyed to share his new ingenious plan with them

"What now zim?" Red had an angerd tone but zim let it slide

" I know you'll be overjoyed to find out ive just made a plan better then ever to destroy the urth monkeys" 

"Zim... I think its time we told you the truth"

"Zim your not a real invader you never were we sent you to .. urth .. to get rid of you" Red tried his hardest to put it in a way zim would understand 

" Oh my Tallest what a funny joke anyway my pla-"

Before zim could finish the call was cut of. He tried to dial again

*the number your trying to call has blocked you*

Zim stood in disbelief all his emotions running at once

He was told he was irks greatest invader 

No this couldn't be right he refused to belive the tallest had just blocked him

He kept dialing but the same messages came everytime

*the number your trying to call has blocked you*

His hands became to shake and his eyes water hes never had this feeling before its like someone had kicked him in the squeedily spooch 

His legs feel light weight and he collapsed not knowing what to do he staired at his shaking hands tears falling 

Cold metal arms quickly wrapped round zims waist he looked down to see gir giving him a hug usually when gir hugged zim they would of pushed gir away but now at this time it just felt right like he needed the comfort

He then returned the hug even though gir had just been rolling in the mud outside but that didn't bother zim at the moment 

"Why are you crying master who hurt you?" Gir looking up at zim who was struggling to get his words out 

"It doesn't matter gir you wont understand"

It came out more stubborn that intended making zim feel a little guilty when gir had just tried to make him feel better 

"Oki doki! Ima go make waffles now you want some?!"

Gir unrapped his arms from zim quickly leaping to the kitchen 

Zim let out a sigh he knew it was going to be a long night but also knew he wasn't going to skool tomorrow

Chapter Text

The cold brushed against dibs face but he didnt care he'd just came out as trans to his sister. She wasn't fully surprised as dib cut his hair short and she didnt really care she wouldn't show it but she was proud of her brother for this His dad on the other hand didn't react so well Dib left the house early this morning just because he couldn't deal with his dads speech about 'its ok to be trans but your a clone of your mother and so is gaz'.

When dib walked into class something felt... of. But he couldn't think of what

. Lunch came and dib didnt have the feeling to eat.. he never did he just sat there and researched about aliens and paranormal things with his headphones in. He wasn't into the popular music everyone was listening to he genuinely preferred smaller artists like lemon demon, will wood, and tally hall.

It then clicked he realised the little green pesk wasn't in today. Where ever could they be.

A couple days past and zim still didnt arrive at school dib grew worried. He decided to give the space roach a vist after school. It was obvious.. zim wasn't in because hes planning something 'devious' yes to dib that was the only reasonable explanation he wasn't going to think of anything that could possibly be wrong with zim and how he claimed his self "almighty".

When the final bell rang letting dib know it was finally time to head home or in dibs case head to see what zim is upto.

"I KNOW YOUR UPTO SOMETHING ZIM OPEN UP" dib constantly banged on zims door till it slightly opend. Dibs curiosity grew bigger he needed to know what zim was planning.

When he walked in he imagined zim to be plotting something or speaking to his Tallest.. instead he found the irken curled up on the couch sobbing while gir had a tight grip on zims leg trying to comfort him.

Girs head quickly whipped round when he heard the door "MARYS HERE MARYS HERE" Zim quickly flung his head round to see dib stood at the door.

The little irken tried to fix his face expression trying to make it look like they were not loathing in their self pity.

"What do you want dib beast?!" Zim quickly snapped then a guilt filled over him as he realised dib probably wasn't here to 'expose' him.

"Uh i well... we're you crying?" Dib forgot what he originally came here for and was now concerned and more focused on zim.

"NO I AM ZIM! AND IRKENS DO NOT DO SUCH A THING AS 'CRY' IT IS FOR WEAKLINGS" zim had already had enough of dibs questions today only one had done it just one question made zim snap.

Dib couldn't help but ask one more question " you haven't been at school for.. awhile now ... are you ok?".

"ZIM IS FINE NOW HAVE GONE URTH BE-" Zim was cut short by dibs phone Dib couldn't of chose a better song that would have zim questioning what song it was.

"Sorry zim what were you going to say my dad called me.." dib tried to brush over his phone ringing and focus on zim.

"What was the tune coming out of your contraption thingy? Does it alsways do that?" Now zim was the curious one wanting to know what song dibs song just played.

"Oh it was just my ringt-".

"Hush dib. Tell me what it was playing" Zim wouldn't admit it but he liked the sound of the 7 seconds of music that came from dib.

"Uh zim really it was just my ringtone".

"AS YOUR FUTURE RULER I DESERVE TO KNOW NOW TELL ME".

A quick flash came onto the screen. What was it.? Well zim had tried to dial the tallest again.

*the number your trying to call has blocked you*

An emotion of embarrassment and sadness came over zims face he then quickly buried himself back into a ball this time trying to get as small as possible.

"Wait .. your tallest blocked you?".

"SHUT YOUR-...".

There was a long pause.

"Y-yes dib-stink my Tallest have blocked me my mission was fake t-theres no need for me to come to school now"

After awhile of chatting dib finally understood the reason why zim hadn't been in school and dib just felt .. bad for zim. As much as the irken got on dibs nerves now that the tallest had blocked zim and now that zim isn't trying to take over urth dib now had nobody to fight with nobody to argue with dibs only choice now was to comfort zim.

He didn't know how to but he just had to.

Zim who had zoned out from thinking about what the tallest had said was then snapped out of his daydream by arms wrapping round him and a faint whisper down his ear

" everything is going to be ok if the tallest dont want you ill have you"

This came out the wrong way dib didnt mean to make it sound like he was asking zim out he didnt mean for it to sound like he liked zim

"WAIT NO I DIDNT MEAN TO SAY THAT!"

Zim was completely shocked and a little scared. According to zim dib had just tried to claim him. Zim didn't see this as dib asking him out he saw this as dib trying to add him into his own empire

"Dib-stink i do not understand why may you want me"

"No no zim that's not what I meant.. i meant like um if the tallest dont want you ill look after you"

Zim felt a warm feeling on his face an expression of shocked formed on his face but also a hint of happiness

Dib saw a slight pink flush form on zims face. Dib couldn't help but join that.

Chapter Text

Yesterday was awkward for zim. Awkward for both of the boys. What was this feeling zim had. He'd never felt this way before. After some research zim found somewhat of an answer.

Zim wasn't going to belive what the computer told him

'A warm flush on the face can mean:

.Attracted to the person

.A cold

.your house is warm'

Sure zims computer wasn't alsways the best at information but zim knew none of the were right. Never in a million years would zim have feelings for dib. Never. Zim alsways hated the thought of romance but sometimes wondered what it would be like.

Zim decided to pay a visit to dibs house. He didnt exactly plan on using the door. No zim had their own way of getting in. Breaking through dibs window.

He quickly gave a peek through dibs window just to check he wouldn't be caught. What he thought was dib laughing was actually dibs crying at his reflection. Zim didnt understand so he thought the only answer was to smash through dibs window.

Great.

If dib didnt need anything else to go wrong today.

"ZIM WHAT THE- WHY HAVE YOU JUST BROKE MY WINDOW!"

"Well if you must know as you pained zim a visit I thought i would pay you a visit now dib-beast tell me why were You crying?"

Dibs turned his face embarrassment forming

"Zim it doesn't matter i was just being ... pathetic" his voice becoming softer

Zim could clearly see something wrong. This wasn't his usual dib-stink. Normal dib would be asking question and being nosey no this wasn't like him zim had never seen dib cry by himself zim only saw dib cry when he got a bit to rough fighting.

"Dib your not ok and I AM ZIM! I deserve to know"

"Zim I dont feel like talking"

"DIB I DO NOT CARE. I DEMAND YOU TO TELL ME!"

dib let out a long sigh flopping his back onto his bed.

"Fine if you really must know i-"

"Yes yes zim must know now tell me"

Dib grew a little frustrated at the fact zim had just cut him of mid sentence.

"Geez zim if you want to know do not but in mid sentence"

Zim glared becoming impatient arms crossed foot tapping with a small snarl starting to form.

"I-i didnt feel comfortable..."

Dib felt embarrassed at how he had to explain this to zim.

"Didnt feel comfortable with what I want here to cause the discomfort so who did?"

"I..." dib took a long pause he didnt know how to tell zim without him having to go into detail.

"Myself.. i made myself uncomfortable"

Zim laughed not knowing what dib meant they clearly didn't mean to upset dib even more he just didnt know.

"How do you make yourself uncomfortable thats stupid... your stupid dib" to zim this was hilarious but dib thought other wise grabbing his arm.

Zim noticed hed just messed up and wished he could take back the laughing and the comment.

Dibs sleve rolled down a little bit reveling bandages. Zims eyes shot to them his curiosity wanting to know what they were.

Lifting dibs arm up for a further inspection. Dib didnt know what zim was doing till he realised. Quickly pulling his arm away from zims hands.

"Dib stink what battle did you fight for these? Have you been fighting someone else.? HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY THE ALMIGHTY ZIM."

Dib just rolled his eyes and replied.

"Yeah I've been fighting someone else"

Dib didnt have an attitude or nothing just sadness in his voice.

"Who... have you been fighting you dont sound like you want to be fighting them?.

Dib just looked at zim. Tears forming in his eyes.

"Your right... who would want to fight themselves?"

Zim realised this was dibs doing the wounds were caused by dib himself.

"Dib.. why-"

"Zim i cant right now I cant with questions right now but if you want to know why its because... its because...."

Dib realised hed made a bad choice saying that but now felt like he had to finish the sentence.

"Because im trans.. i have these moments where I dont feel comfortable in my body I hate how my body is i hate how curved it is then I feel guiltily because im complaining when people wish they could have the body i have amd i feel like I deserve... the pain"

Zim didnt know how to react. He just stared at dib. There it was again the feeling he had last night he felt his cheeks go warm and fuzzy he wanted to hide it so he quickly grabbed dib by the waist and pulled him in for a hug.

"Z-zim what are you doing".

"I felt better when you did this to me dib-beast. And whatever your going through ill be there i may be your enemy yes and I will become your leader but ill still be here"

Dib didnt know how to respond all he knew at this moment was to cry.

Dib then realised that there could be a chance for some kind of friendship between the to. They both enjoyed each other's company and was alsways comforting each other.. mabye for now they could put down the fighting and get along.

"Um zim.. this is a silly question but... should we stop fighting for a bit and try to get along"

Zim quickly pushed himself away from dib. Struggling to for a sentence stuttering with each word

"D-di-dib do y-yo-y-you think this is a good... idea?"

Zim didnt realise but their face was starting to turn a brighter and brighter pink. Dib found this amusing completely forgetting his other worries. He just laughed.

"You big dork zim. Look at your face you've gone bright pink" Dibs laugh become a strong weeze gasping for air. 

Zim did not find this funny. Infact his embarrassment made his face go brighter.

"Zim-zim will go home now good day dib"

Zims pak legs extend as he lunged for dibs window.

Could there be something more zim thought of dib. Did dib feel the same? This is all zim could think about what had dib done for zim to feel this way. Was this a growing friendship or something else?

Chapter Text

Zim paced up and down his room trying to imagen dib as his enemy not his friend nothing but an enemy. He couldn't it was just stuck there the words dib had said the question dib asked. Did zim want to be dibs friend. He thought to himself till he realised he needed to leave for school. Still on the way there he was thinking. 

Zim was quickly knocked out of thought by walking into someone.

"HOW DARE YOU BUMP INTO ZIM!"

Zim quickly shot his eyes upto who ever bumped into him.

"Oh shit sorry zim I didnt see you"

Zim had bumped into dib. Great. Zims face instantly heated up they then felt bad for shouting at dib.

"Oh um dib dearest apologies I didnt see you there"

The bell rang letting them know it was time for form. Zim headed to the bathroom trying to fix himself suddenly a thought hit him. A thought they would think for a while

'Just take your pak of nobody will care'

Why were they thinking this he quickly looked up into the mirror just to see tears streaming down his face his hand shaking. They quickly ran into a bathroom stall and threw himself and the stall wall letting himself slide down and burying his head between his legs. He then got a flashback from the tallest telling him he was no longer an irken invader they no longer needed zim in the empire.

Zim slowly whisperd to themselves.

"Your right im useless i should just take the pak of and end it all"

"I shouldn't be here i shouldn't be alive im useless".

His fingers gripped under the pak and pulled it disconnecting it from his back. His feelings felt stronger heavier... darker.

Dib noticed how zim hasn't been in class but he saw zim head to the bathroom. Dib asked for permission from Mrs bitters to leave.

As dib walked in he instantly heard quiet sobs and whispers.

"Just end it just end it"

He recognised the voice.

Zim.

He quickly banged on the door begging zim to open asking if zim was ok. Zim pushed his back threw the bottom of the bathroom stall so it touched dibs feet. Dib instantly picked it up realising zim cant survive without his pak for over 10 minutes. How long had zim had his pak of for. Well class only started 5 minutes ago so dib still had time to reconnect the pak.

"Zim please let me in are you ok? Zim please"

Dib realised his tears were hitting of the pak. He then also realised how much he really cared for zim just 5 weeks ago they were beating the shit out of each other now he wants to comfort zim.

Soon the door opened and he saw zim on the floor pink blood on his back and hands. Dib had 3 minutes left till the pak would no longer connect.

Zim forced some words out his voice weak.

"Dib there's no point i deserve this i deserve the pain I deserve to go"

"No zim please I dont think ill be able to cope if you... leave"

Zim quickly lunged forwards to wrap his arms round dib waist. Zim felt dibs rib but thought that was a normal thing to feel dibs bones.

"Just stick the pak back on dib make it quick"

Dib instantly connected the pak back to zim. His face going back to its natural green colour.

Zim looked upto dib and started bawling their eyes out.

"Im sorry dib im sorry it was a selfish thing to do i shouldn't of taken my pak of im a fucking messed up peice of shit!"

"No zim its fine your clearly going through something tough and your clearly not ready to talk about it"

Zim still hand his arms around dibs waist tightening his grip the more upset he was.

Zim felt like he needed to tell dib what happened but didnt know how. Zim knew dib was dealing with alot and didnt want to pass on pressure. He didnt want to make dib feel pressured to make him feel better.

Zim's voice was soft and quiet a hint of sadness creeping into his voice.

"Zim will tell you what happened"

Dib held zim closer and let him speak trying to comfort him the most he could without making zim uncomfortable but reality zim liked dibs comfort.

"Zim had flashback on the tallest telling me im no longer wanted in the irken empire I felt so stupid they hate me and if I were them.... i-i would hate myself to"

Dib pushed Zim's head into his chest and placed his head on theirs. Zim may feel like everyone in the known universe hates his guts but he knows there's one being who doesn't who cares for him who worries for him. Dib. Zim nestled his head closer to Dib bringing his legs up and placing himself on Dib's lap. Dib didn't know how to feel he just knew he wanted to do one thing. Kiss Zim's head. Was it the right thing though? What would Zim think? Would Zim be uncomfortable with the situation?. Dib didn't think he gave Zim a slight kiss on the head nothing much. Dib heard Zim give a slight laughter and also excitement.

Zim looked up at dib eyes filled with joy.

"Did you just... kiss me?"

"Uhh yeah I mean I don't know if you're comfortable with that? Are you comfortable with that? I mean I don't have a crush on you I just wanted to comfort you and make sure you're ok... like it was a platonic kiss on the head.." 

Dib started to panic thinking what Zim would think of him now. The spark in Zim's eyes went. It was only platonic. Their just friends anyway. Why did Zim care so much that it didn't mean anything.?

The bell rang for 1st period. Both the boys sat up awkwardly looking at each other.

"Well dib-beast ill see you later?"

"Yeah whatever bug boy"

'Bug boy' Why did that offend zim so much. He didnt want to say anything. They both walked out the stall shared an embarrassed look and walked of to their classes.

Zim sat in imagination. He felt like it was wrong just last week they were wishing death upon each other why do they suddenly blush at the sight of each other or get excited at the sight of each other. Mabye they were both lonley for to long and now glad they found a friend.

'Im gay for a fucking alien' dib repeated this line in his head trying to make it sound ok adding different words.

 'Im a trans boy who's gay for a fucking alien who i was beating the shit out of last week'

It just didnt feel right dib felt disgusted at the realisation that he might like zim. Dib said it one more time not realising he said it out loud. And to make things worse he was sat next to the schools biggest gossiper. 

"YO EVERYONE DIB JUST SAID HES GAY!"

Dib had never been so embarrassed. Never.

"Its ok dib there's nothing wrong with being gay" Jessica nudged dib while laughing.

Dib knew this was the end of him. No amount of will wood is gonna make him forget about this. No amount of lemon demon will keep him sane. Usually listening to music was his only escape to life when something happend to him. But now it didnt feel like enough. He felt like he had to go for an human for help... or an alien..

Chapter Text

Nope, Dib decided he wasn't going to get help. Instead, he decided the best option was to wallow in his own pity later that day. He stared at a small sewing needle on his bedside. He sighed and got up to grab it. He hovered it over his arm for a bit thinking to himself '𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙩?'. The Needle met skin he started to drag the needle eyes filling with tears. There was no going back now he'd begun and couldn't stop. He flinched at the tears dropping on the newly opened wound. Blood seeping out slowly painting the needle.

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Zim walked home realising Dib wasn't following behind him or next to him talking about "big feet" findings or whatever Zim didn't really care he was still trying to get his head right after Dib kissed his head and after he disconnected his pak for a bit it was still trying to work again so his feelings felt.. heavier. Zim waited for Dib to sneak up behind but he never did. Zim became worried. NO! He would not worry about his nemesis the dib-beast. But oh how he wanted to. He turned round and made his journey to Dibs' house.

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Dib lay wrists, arms, and legs were burning. Why did he cut so much? A quiet but quick tap started at his window. He decided it would be best to ignore it. It got louder and louder till the window shattered and Zim fell through. Dibs' eyes widened as he tried his best to cover the cuts Zim's eyes quickly shot towards them though. Zim's expression softened, he had forgotten what he came for.

"Not again dib..."

Zim walked over to Dib and sat next to him. Holding his hand in an attempt to comfort him. Dibs' tears were
still streaming down his face. He didn't want to make eye contact with Zim. He was already embarrassed he didn't want to make it more awkward so he stared down at his lap.

"Dib... dry your eyes. I won't tell Gaz"

How did Zim know Dib didn't want Gaz to know?

"She won't ever discover the things you kept under the covers"

Dib started to cry even more. When did Zim become so.. supportive? Zim noticed that Dib was crying more and needed to do something.

"And please don't cry"

Zim turned Dibs' head to look at him and cupped Dibs' head in his hand. And used his fingers to wipe away the tears

"I am not your brother."

Zim took a deep breath knowing what he said next would be a lie.

"I am not your lover"

The room went silent. Zim pulled Dib into a hug to hide the expression on his face.

"And there is nothing wrong"

Dib returned the hug by wrapping his hands around Zim. He wanted to tell Zim everything that was wrong with him he wanted to open up to Zim but he didn't think Zim would care or understand. So he kept quiet.

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"Dib... I need to go now"

At least 2 hours had passed dib was cuddled up to zim with his head on zim's stomach.

Dib let out a little yawn

"A little longer"

Zim giggled and gave in running his fingers through Dib's hair. He wanted Dib to feel wanted so he wouldn't hurt again. Zim didn't realise that he was blushing. A lot.

Another hour passed and Dib was half asleep. Zim had been there for 3 hours now the time was 8 pm.

"Dib I really have to go now Gir may have blown the kitchen up"

Dib sat up rubbing his eyes and grabbing his glasses.

"Oh ok... um... please use the door this time"

They both shared a little laugh and Zim got up to go downstairs. Gaz was sitting on the couch playing on her gameslave. She turned to look at Zim.

"Hey, Zim can I talk to you for a second?"

What could Gaz possibly want and what could she want from Zim?

"Dib talks to you right? He won't speak to me and I can tell something's up"

Zim got worried again about what could be up with Dib this time

"What do you mean?"

Gaz stayed silent until she found the right way to word it.

"Dib keeps on playing with his food"

Zim didn't understand he thought that was a human thing but now that he thinks about it he'd never seen dib eat and he knew every creature needs to eat.

Gaz continued.

"He doesn't understand what big boys do. He keeps waking up in the middle of the night."

Zim knew that wasn't right what was Dib hiding

"Do you think you could stay the night? Maybe talk to dib"

Zim agreed.