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Shi Woo didn’t realize that attending Moorim School meant he’d have to room with Chi Ang. He definitely didn’t realize that rooming with him meant he’d see him at times he’d never thought he’d see. Times like before he woke up in the morning when he was still sleeping peacefully with his face free of any worry or burden he carried, or when Shi Woo accidentally woke him and his face scrunched up in confusion and all Shi Woo could think was cu-.
No.
He’d also seen less pleasant times like Chi Ang adjusting himself or forgetting he had a roommate and walking out of the bathroom naked with drops of water still lingering, dripping down his body.
“Are you sleeping already?” Chi Ang asked, using the towel around his neck to dry his hair, still damp from the shower he’d just taken. Thankfully, sadly, he remembered clothes.
“Yeah.” He rolled over, choosing not to socialize with the man he decided he wasn’t ever going to think about again. He definitely wasn’t ever going to think about the muscles he knew were rippling under Chi Ang’s shirt as he found himself looking back while said man did push-ups against his bed. Muscles he’d seen during their first meeting and gladly enjoyed.
He was so fucked.
He rolled back over when Chi Ang stood, not wanting to be caught staring. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him. He didn’t listen for Chi Ang getting into his own bed and definitely didn’t fall asleep to his roommate’s quiet breaths.
Chi Ang stretched and rolled over. He wasn’t sure exactly what woke him until he heard it again. There were almost silent cries coming from the other side of the room. Shi Woo.
Sitting up and searching through the semi-darkness, his gaze fell on Shi Woo’s form curled up with his hand gripping the side of his head. He was breathing hard, quiet whimpers escaping him every few seconds. Without another thought, Chi Ang slid off his bed and moved to the other man’s. At the edge, he hesitated. Would Shi Woo want him to comfort him? Shi Woo trembled, a louder cry at his lips, and began scratching at his ear. Chi Ang placed his hand over his, stilling the movement. Shi Woo’s face quickly turned to his at the touch.
“Stop. You’ll only make it worse.”
“Make it stop,” he whispered.
Chi Ang sat on the edge of Shi Woo’s bed and pulled both of their hands down. Shi Woo turned his to grip his hand, squeezing it through his pain. Chi Ang knew it would pass soon enough, but it still worried him.
“It’ll be ok. It’ll stop. Just wait it out.” Shi Woo couldn’t hear him of course, but Chi Ang had to say something. He didn’t know what else to do.
Minutes passed before Shi Woo stopped squeezing his hand. He tried to pull away, looking everywhere except Chi Ang’s face. Chi Ang held on. He didn’t want to let go.
“Go back to bed,” Shi Woo mumbled.
“Are you ok?” Chi Ang asked. “This one seemed pretty bad.”
“Don’t act like you care.” The younger man yanked his hand away, looking disgusted.
“Why are you pushing me away when I’m trying to help you?”
The other man scoffed. “Did you think sitting here holding my hand would help?”
“I didn’t know what would help! I thought just having someone there would make you feel a little less alone.” Chi Ang looked away, embarrassed. He knew this was a bad idea. “Whenever I’m hurting, knowing someone is there by my side helps. Just knowing I don’t have to face my problems by myself makes at least a tiny bit of the pain go away.”
Shi Woo laughed. It was a bitter sound, nothing like what usually came from the idol. It was filled with contempt and a quiet anger.
“I doubt your daddy issues are anything compared to this.”
Chi Ang closed his eyes. He knew pain could make a person act differently, but he knew Shi Woo. He wasn’t like this. He was better than petty insults.
He opened his eyes and looked directly at Shi Woo. “Don’t be such an asshole. Accept support when you know you need it. You would’ve scratched your ear bloody if I hadn’t stopped you.”
Shi Woo stared back defiantly. “I would’ve been fine. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”
“Fine.” Chi Ang stood, rolling his eyes. “I’ll leave you to your whining about nightmares and going deaf or whatever.”
He turned to go back to bed. Surprisingly, Shi Woo reached out, grabbing Chi Ang’s hand to stop him.
“Wait,” he whispered. The rest of his words were almost too quiet for Chi Ang to hear. “Don’t go. Please stay here.”
Looking back, Chi Ang saw the younger had his head titled down, his face hidden from view. “I thought you didn’t want me to help you.”
“I don’t.” Shi Woo laughed again, but this time, it sounded weak and tired. “I don’t want you. But having you near makes it better. You’re right, but I don’t like it.”
Chi Ang opened his mouth to reply, but Shi Woo beat him to it.
Raising his head and meeting Chi Ang’s eyes, the younger man continued. “I don’t like you. You can be kind of a dick sometimes. You’re just an arrogant little rich boy. And yet, I can’t ignore that having you by my side makes some of the pain go away.”
Chi Ang returned to the edge of the bed. “Why?”
“What?” A look of confusion crossed Shi Woo’s face.
“Why do I help? Why not go to Ariel if you like her so much?” Chi Ang couldn’t help the slip of bitterness in his voice. “I bet she’d be glad to help. She’s already all over you.”
Shi Woo rolled his eyes. “She’s practically in love with Hwang Seon Ah. Didn’t you know? I don’t even like her like that. She’s like my sister.”
“Oh and people can only help you if you’re in love with them?” Chi Ang laughed, if only to cover the sound of his heart beating out of his chest. “That’s gross.”
The younger froze. Chi Ang watched as Shi Woo quickly turned his head away a few moments later, his hands clenching into fists. “Hyung.”
Chi Ang stared at the man in front of him. Could he really…?
“Hyung, I…” He trailed off and raised his head to meet the other’s blank stare. “What would you do if I was?”
What?
“No.” Chi Ang couldn’t look away from Shi Woo.
The other man’s smile in response didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I thought so.”
“No. There’s no way. You just called me a dick and expect me to just accept this…confession? Is that what that was?” Chi Ang paused. “You don’t get to do this after pushing me away so much. You wouldn’t even let me hold your hand to support you! And that was just me being a good friend! You expect me to believe you like me? No.”
Angry tears were gathering in Chi Ang’s eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He’s never cried over something like this and he wasn’t about to start now.
“Hyung…” Shi Woo raised a hand to Chi Ang’s cheek, wiping away a nonexistent tear. Damn. “Listen.”
Chi Ang resisted the urge to move his hand away. “Start talking.”
Dropping his hand, Shi Woo licked his lips and began. “I really didn’t like you at first and, to be honest, I do think you can be a dick sometimes. But you’re also kind and generous and funny and caring and really, really good looking and all kinds of adjectives that I can’t think of because you’re too close to me and it’s short circuiting my brain. It’s so irritating. I don’t want to like you! But I can’t help it, and I can’t stop thinking about you and your voice and your stupid hair and your way of quietly supporting me and everyone you care about. It’s honestly so ridiculous. Care about yourself for once. Do something for you. Be who you want to be. Because I think you’re pretty damn amazing.”
Shi Woo reached for Chi Ang’s hands, gripping them in his own. “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have by my side.”
Chi Ang didn’t know what to say. What could he say to that?
“You don’t have to say anything.” Shi Woo dropped his hands and tried to scoot farther away from him on the bed.
“Sorry,” Chi Ang murmured. “For being a dick, I mean.”
“It’s ok.” Shi Woo shrugged. His face was blank and carefully guarded.
“Shi Woo?” A smile began to form on Chi Ang’s lips.
Shi Woo’s eyes narrowed as he saw Chi Ang’s expression. “What?”
“Can I sleep with you?”
The younger’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped.
Chi Ang laughed, leaning forward and whispering, “What kind of dirty thoughts are you having, Shi Woo-yah?”
Shi Woo only blinked at him. Chi Ang gently nudged the other’s hip with his hand.
“Move over. There isn’t enough room.”
“What are you doing?” Shi Woo grabbed the hand on his hip, finally recovering from his surprise.
“Sleeping. You don’t want to cuddle? I’ll protect you from your bad dreams.” Chi Ang grinned at him. “And I can’t pass up the chance to be this close to someone really, really good looking.”
Shi Woo smiled, his blush evident in what little light came through the window. “You’re a dick.”
“I know. But you seem to love those.”