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The walk back to the Lighthouse was full of excitement, Rook and Manfred chatting animatedly as he displayed his newfound magical abilities. It was, thankfully, a fairly uneventful journey, allowing Emmrich ample time to ponder the day that had just transpired.
He was overjoyed beyond words to have Manfred back. The spirit had become a near constant in his life, and it would have pained him greatly to have lost his company. That he was fond of his ward was an understatement, to say the least. And to know that Manfred cared for him enough to sacrifice his physical life to save them; how brave he'd been, staring down Johanna's abomination! It had allowed Emmrich to be brave as well.
Reflecting on the ultimatum he'd been presented, had Manfred not come back to them after that…
Emmrich mourned the loss of lichdom. It had been his life's greatest goal, something he had spent the last few decades working to achieve. The chance to transcend death, to have an infinite amount of lifetimes to devote to his studies. Who knows what kind of difference he might have made, what discoveries he could have coaxed forth from the mysteries of the Fade?
Now lichdom was lost to him, beyond his grasp forever. He would die, same as any other person. Same as his parents, so long ago. But would he have truly been able to stand as a witness to death, to watch its ebb and flow around him and be unaffected as everybody he cared for died, leaving him alone for eternity? Would he have been able to stand aside and watch as Rook aged before him until she breathed her last?
The past few months with her had been sublime, awakening in his heart a yearning passion for life. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. Perhaps, he realized dazedly, not ever.
He loved this woman more than anybody else he had ever loved before. Once, he had told Harding that he had thought he would have been married by this point in his life. He had given up on that dream by now, content to live a life of research and education, an eternity of it even. There was purpose to be found in teaching the younger generations, after all.
But now… He could feel that simple domestic dream reviving, that yearning for something more striking him. Maybe at this later point in life, the idea of children was less feasible. Besides, he wasn't certain how Rook felt about the idea. However, he would be eternally happy with just his dear Rook and his aspiring ward.
The worry settled into him again, though. He now had a time limit, an end to his days that would come to pass as inevitably as the rise and fall of the sun in the sky. And she had her whole life in front of her. Was it fair for him to tie her down for the best years of her life while his slow descent into death marched ever onward? He would never love another besides Rook, he knew that now. But perhaps she could move on, find somebody else who wasn't already an old man…
"Emmrich!"
Manfred's voice cut through the disquiet of his mind, and his heart jumped once again at the knowledge that Manfred could speak now. How far he'd come in such a short amount of time!
"Yes, my boy?" he asked, clearing his head of the melancholic thoughts he'd been steeped in.
"We were getting worried about you. You've been lost in thought the whole way back. Are you worrying too much about something?" Rook asked, concern darkening her bright young face.
Emmrich realized with a start that they were standing in front of the eluvian that led back to the Lighthouse. He had been so deep in his thoughts that the entire journey had passed him by, unaware. Manfred and Rook were both looking at him, Manfred's gloved hand clasped in hers, and his heart beat ever so quicker as the sight brought back to mind those domestic wishes.
"I apologize, I've just been pondering the day we've had. The choices we–I– made," he said, pursing his lips.
Rook glanced down at Manfred and then back up to him, raising an eyebrow in question.
"Emmrich, you know we're here for you. We'll always be here for you, love," she said, reaching out to grasp his hands.
"Yeah!" Manfred echoed, nodding enthusiastically.
"I know, Darling. You'll have to forgive me for brooding when we should be celebrating instead."
"How about we head back home and I'll whip us up a treat," Rook said with a sparkle in her eyes.
"Darling, you spoil me. Lead the way."
He pushed his fears back into their cage, locked somewhere deep behind his heart, now so full and bursting with joy. He would have to live–and die–with this choice he'd made, but as his little family headed back home, he found he wouldn't trade it for anything.