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The other night
I had a dream
There was a world full of kings and queens
Kaz looked upon the night sky. It was cold. The streets of Ketterdam dazzled in cinder block-blackness. But as per, it was a comforting cold. The one that Kaz was so used to.
The silver of the crow's cane resonated with the glimpse of the moonlight.
Kaz's gaze wandered, looking upon the nearby stalls of the Barrel.
The Barrel – a place rotten to its core.
Or was it the best that Ketterdam had to offer?
A market for the outcasts, rogues, thieves, and gamblers.
What's not to love but Kruge in a city built upon bricks and corpses?
We were the fire under moonlit skies
We were divided
We were the same
And we were free
But we all wore chains
“Kaz”
A whisper from the shadows, yet sharp as a knife.
No. Not tonight.
“Kaz, look at me.”
Kaz closed his eyes and tried to breathe. It was an unusual moment to hear his voice. Or perhaps- it was not. Surrounded by silence with echoes of drinks, laughter and shenanigans of the pubs far away.
“KAZ!”
The voice was still soft, but stern. It shook Kaz enough to face the direction the voice was coming from. A broken window, to be exact. But the pieces of glass showed him the ghost of the past.
Jordie.
If you look into darkness too long, it answers with truth. Truth that Kaz Brekker – Bastard of the Barrel – did not want to face.
The silhouette was far from the Jordie he remembered. It changed every time he had to meet him again. Tonight, it was the pure stare of a rotten corpse.
If I could just see it all
Just like a fly on the wall
Would I be able to accept what I can't control?
Kaz closed his eyes. A shiver ran over his back. His hand gripped the cane harder.
What if he could have stopped it? Would Jordie still be alive? Would Brekker even be his name? Would all the past events of the last months be relevant?
Would Inej be part of his life?
Kaz opened his eyes again and turned his back on his dead brother.
Perhaps.
Perhaps he would wander as a different kind of Kaz along these streets.
If only he had kept his innocence of youth.
And would I share what I saw?
Or just sit back and ignore
Like nothing never happened
Haven't seen you before?
But if the price of innocence meant the exchange of his crows and all the memories, he would not take it back, not a single moment.
That was the life of the Barrel. A path for broken children, swallowed by darkness and reborn from the ashes.
“I can only assume that you would be proud of me, Jordie”, he whispered and stopped once more.
The laughter had become louder, and the smell of whiskey and other alcoholic beverages felt like a comforting blanket. One of those that you would get at Wylan's house on a nice sofa.
“I wasn't sure if I should interrupt your staring into nothingness, so I followed silently.”
If Kaz Brekker had any kind of emotional reaction that revealed a truth underneath the cold-hearted mask he had built like a house of cards, it was the simple smirk of a mischief child that he was showing right now.
And the glimpse of the same mischief was seen in his eyes, before he finally turned around and looked at the person.
“Hello, Inej.”
We can all be kings and queens
If we can just learn to believe
The warm eyes of his wraith met his. And that's when he knew.
One day, he would be able to let go of Jordie and his past. One day, he would be able to let her in.
One day, he would choose to heal.
But until then, he had to be the Bastard of the Barrel, to become what he had always imagined as his persona's dream.
The King of Ketterdam