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On the edge of Central Park, it was a cute café. The outdoor patio extended under the trees. Sam Wilson took advantage of their shade and chose a seat right there. On the round table in front of him was a fresh coffee, a dessert He hasn't even bitten into it yet and a glass of water. Ava Starr and Yelena Belova sat in front of him.
They had a pre-arranged meeting. They greeted each other politely. Everyone did a great job of keeping their expressions neutral. Everyone needed to ask something that only the other person knew.
"Um," Sam began to speak. "We should probably stop staring and get straight to the point, ladies. I doubt you guys just wanted to spend an hour staring at Captain America."
Ava kicked Yelena in the leg under the table, expecting a scathing remark.
"We need information," Yelanna blurted out.
Sam lowered his eyebrows. "What information?"
Ava snorted. "Secret... obviously."
"Look, I can't give you any info that's—"
“Sam,” Yelena called him by name. It definitely got his attention, but it was clear she was a little nervous and was considering what she was going to say. "It's about Bucky."
A rock rolled in Sam's stomach.
"Ah," he muttered.
"I know you're not talking to each other right now," Yelena tried to get to the point as quickly as possible. "And I don't want to get into the reasons why. But we noticed how sloppy Bucky was when you dumped him..."
"Yeh," Sam hissed. He rolled his eyes. "That would be enough—"
Ava intervened. "Yelena! Stop it! This isn't going to help anything. Certainly not Bucky."
The urgency in her voice made Sam sit back on his ass.
"I can't help it! Every time —every time," she pointed directly at Sam, "Bucky talked with him on the phone, you could see how much it hurt him!" Yelena groaned.
Sam gasped.
“Look, Sam, we don’t really know what kind of relationship you two had,” Ava took the initiative. “Colleagues, friends, lovers… I don’t give a shit.” Her expression was hard. “But you’ve known Bucky for a really long time,” she added, a little reluctantly, “and you definitely know him better than we do…”
Sam took a few seconds to calm down. "Well, we spent some time together."
"We need to get to know him better right now!" Said Yelena.
Sam frowned, wondering what she meant. It didn't make sense. He'd seen Bucky at several press conferences in the past three months. And it was always with Yelena Belova.
"Then ask him," Sam replied smartly. And at that moment he knew that they had definitely tried to and hit into Bucky's mental wall. "He's not talking to you, is he? Not really..."
“He talks only about things we need to hear,” Ava said dryly.
"He's more like scolding us," admitted Yelena.
Then they looked into each other's eyes.
"Avo, we have to tell him," Yelena whispered.
Ava held her gaze but nodded.
Yelena took a deep breath, and it was clear that what she was about to say was difficult for her. “Look, Sam, it’s hard to admit, you know?” She folded her hands in her lap, raised her eyes boldly to Sam, and looked him straight in the eyes. “It happened because of us. Because of our mistake. Bucky got hurt and we… we don’t know how to deal with him now…”
Sam's heart sank. What the hell does she mean —deal with him? How can they not know— What to do with him?
“What happened?!” He ask simply. How long it has been since he heard from Bucky or seen him on the TV news? A week? Two weeks? “Is he alive?” He blurted out so quietly that they might not have heard him.
"Yes, he's alive," Ava finished quickly. "But something's wrong with him..."
"What — happened?!"
The waitress came over to their table.
"Would you like more coffee?"
“No,” Yelena said quickly .
Ava opened her mouth. She wanted to say something, but she had to take a few breaths before she could speak. "I guess we underestimated it from the beginning... I guess we... I don't know... overworked him?"
Sam was confused. Bucky got hurt because he was… overworked? That didn't make sense. Luckily, Ava continued speaking without him having to urge her.
"From the beginning – from that first press conference — he was with us everywhere. One of us practically always had him by side. An awful lot of things happened all at once."
“Okay.” Sam took a breath. “Start telling the story at the beginning.” And he vowed not to make comments and bring his own turbulent emotions into this conversation.
"Right after that press conference, we didn't have where to go. We stood there like calves and didn't know what to do. It was Bucky who pulled us back to the Tower, got some medic - he treated us. Bucky ordered food and arranged temporary accommodation. By evening, he took care of the initial agreement with Valentina... And he hasn't stopped taking care of us since then."
"Congressman in the morning, Avanger in the evenings and a mather hen on weekends." Yelena added.
"I thought he was done with congress." Asked Sam.
Yelena shook her head. "He wants to finish some projects and an election term. He says he owes it to the voters in Brooklyn."
"And can he be an Avanger and a congressman at the same time?"
Yelena shrugs in response. In the end, it didn't matter.
Sam was able to vividly imagine Bucky's daily routine. He knew him like that very well. Bucky didn't suppress the sergeant in him – to serving his people.
Ava and Yelena began to complement each other.
“He knew what we needed. He didn’t let us fall apart right from the start,” Yelena spoke. She clutched her coffee mug tightly. Sam realized that she was actually a very young woman.
“Look, Sam, we know we’re not exactly great superhero candidates, but—”
Sam grinned slightly. In most of the arguments he had had with Bucky lately, Bucky had more or less assertively suggested that the New Avengers definitely deserved a second chance. Sam usually gets angry after that. He would slam the phone down on Bucky and only think about the conversation at night when he was trying to fall to asleep. He often came to the conclusion that he understood Bucky. But he hadn't found the courage or time to admit it to him yet.
"Somehow, Bucky knows who we really are. He sees through us, and he doesn't judge us. One of the first things he insisted on and arranged for us was a shrink," Yelena smiled absently, lost in memory. "And gradually he explained to us that we can safely share our worries..."
"I never would have thought… before… that I, with my past, could go to a psychiatrist," Ava added.
“And we never thought it would help,” Yelena continued. “He hired a lawyer to handle our affairs — and trust me — we have loads of them. He got an accountant for my dad, otherwise he’d be in jail… taxes are his weakness. Walker can see his son again — it’s incredible. And most importantly, I don’t know how he does it, but Bucky has been keeping Valentina in check all the time.”
Sam smiled a little. It sounded like something Bucky would do. He would take care of his team. Was it pride what he feels right now? And at the same time, he was starting to suspect that he knew where this was going next. Bucky taking care of more than one living creature... he had completely miscalculated and forgotten that there was another neglected member of The New Avengers team. Bucky himself! This story was about to go downhill.
"I see it. You are all immature assassins, and Bucky was playing your nanny. What happened next?"
"We started going on missions," Yelena continued unoffended. "Everything was always perfectly prepared. It worked. Every now and then a mistake was made...and we must admit that it was usually one of us. There were a few injuries that were our fault. Nothing fatal... But we were starting to understand why Bucky was coming after us so often. Why he insisted on briefing before the mission and evaluating after the mission. You know, before that we were all working solo."
Of course he knew. Sam took a deep breath and braced himself. Now comes the reason why was Bucky in the infirmary.
"And then, three days ago—we were on an operation in those high-rise buildings on the south side of the city—"
Sam remembered seeing information on the news that The New Avengers had intervened in time against the terrorists. He didn't pay any more attention to the article.
“Bucky… The was explosion and the shock wave broke the window with him. It was high up.” Yelena’s eyes were shining. “None of us fly, Sam.” She didn’t say it as a reproach, more like a deep regret. She didn’t even think about Bob, because he wasn’t going to the fights with them and the public didn’t even know who he was. “The boys got to Bucky first...”
"Walker jumped after him..." Ava whispered.
"How high was it?"
"200 feet. He hit the roof of the lower house."
"He's jumped from that height before. And voluntarily. He does that."
"Yeah. But this time he went on his back. He was unconscious. He wasn't breathing."
"Jesus Christ!"
"And when we got him to the doctors, they told us he had more previous injuries."
Sam lowered his eyebrows. He didn't understand.
Yelena braced herself. She closed her eyes with a sigh. "He has more injuries which happened to him even before that fall. Injuries we had no idea about!"
It was pouring out hot. It was here. He knew this Bucky’s gig.
Yelena swallowed and said quickly, "Sam, we've never noticed he was hurt before! Scratches, scrapes, yes, but nothing serious. I swear!"
"On those previous missions, when we thought everything was going OK, he covered up our failures... our mistakes. We reviewed the audio and video recordings and saw what he had hidden from us. It wasn't pretty," Ava said.
They both waited for Sam to snap at them. But he sat there with an unhappy expression, shaking his head. “It’s not the first time,” Sam admitted.
"What do you mean?" They both asked at once.
Now Sam was frowning. “He’s a master at denying his health care,” he growled. “I want to see him!” And it was clear in his voice that this was not a request.
Yelena and Ava looked at each other.
"Sam," Ava said carefully. "He told us several times before the fall that if anything happened, we shouldn't bother you ."
It pricked his heart. He bit his lip to keep from saying something sarcastic. Of course Bucky didn't want to see him. He had a million reasons. He hadn't been very nice to him lately.
"Look, we don't completely agree with that, but he was pretty clear."
“How is he doing now?” Sam imagined a very wide range of possible scenarios.
Yelena answered him. "He's got two fractures to his spine. Our medical team... we have a doctor there who knows about super soldiers things, she said he's healing well compared to a normal person, but for a super soldier, it's pretty miserable. Neither Walker nor Dad can give us much of a reference. They don't have the same kind of serum and neither of them has ever had an injury like this before." She rubbed her eyes. "The doctor kept Bucky in a coma for two days so his body had a chance to start healing and last night when he first woke up... It was a nightmare, Sam," she said, biting the inside of her cheek. Sam could tell from her expression that she hadn't slept much.
"I want to see him," Sam responded immediately.
"Sam, I'm not sure..."
"You invited me for coffee and expected me to just tell you what picture on the patch would make Bucky happy?" Sam had to control his voice a little again. "Why didn't you call me right away, right after the fall?!"
"We really had no idea how bad things were between you two," Ava said. "Hey... maybe he said he knocked up sour sister or something..." she shrugged and then shot a glance at Yelena. She was frowning. You could tell she was struggling with herself. "And you know what, Ava, fuck it. Bucky lied to us, and that's why we're here."
Ava pursed her lips and nodded.
"We're actually fed up with it and don't give a damn about what happened between you two. Or with your relatives. You know him best. And we can't handle him. He's driving us crazy in the infirmary; he talks out of his mind. We don't know what his normal temperature is, how long it takes for his burns to heal—"
"You don't have his file?" Sam blurted out in surprise. How could they have missed thirty-five boxes of materials that Bucky's lawyer and the state prosecutor were fighting over on The Winter Soldier trial? He vividly remembered how sick he felt going through box number 7 – it was entirely dedicated to researching on the Winter Soldier's durability.
Ava and Yelena shook their heads.
Sam clenched his jaw. He swallowed. He waved at the waitress and paid the bill… and send a message to Sarah, just for case.
***
A young receptionist sat in the Tower lobby. Ava and Yelena nodded to her. Sam had to sign in the guest book. It hurt his vanity a little, but he shook it off in the elevator. His two companions occasionally exchanged a few words with each other. They checked their phones for about a hundredth time. Every now and then a message came to them with beep. At one point, Sam saw that the sender was a certain Bob, and the message was concerned about Bucky.
The elevator went on for about a minute. They got out and Sam was in familiar place. He had been in Stark Tower infirmary several times. It didn't feel like a hospital setting, more like a very expensive spa complex with a lot of expensive special equipment.
Walker stood in front of the elevator. He was leaning against the opposite wall, his arms folded across his chest, and his frown was like a storm cloud. So no change from the last time Sam had seen him.
"Wilson," John greeted first.
"Walker," Sam replied, equally impersonally.
Ava and Yelena looked at each other, as if expecting the two to fight. Instead, Walker turned to them.
"Where have you been for so long? I wrote to you," he growled. "He's starting to come to his senses again," he added in a surprisingly soft voice.
“Is he going crazy like he did last night?” Ava asked.
Walker twisted his face and shook his head. "No. Now he's reciting his name, military rank, and number."
Sam's stomach clenched. He knew what that meant—Bucky was scared.
"Where is he?! I want to see him," he said firmly.
Walker eyed him for a second, then jerked his head to the right.
Sam didn't wait and walked towards the wide white door.
He opened them and expected anything beyond them, except the sight of Alexei's broad shoulders. Shostakov was sitting on a chair next to Bucky's bed. Sam heard him repeat a few simple sentences to Bucky in a deep, yet quiet and pleasant voice. Soothing. Explanatory.
"It's 2027. You're safe. We're your friends."
"... Barnes , ...107,… 32....57.. 38."
Sam didn't say anything. He was cramped. He slowly walked around the entire bed, which was located almost in the center of the room. He looked at the many devices that were behind Bucky's head. They beeped, monitored, delivered oxygen, fluids, medications...
This was the intensive care unit.
Efficient space for acute care.
Spacious, bright room. No windows. Large circular fluorescent lights on the ceiling.
Sam walked over to the bed.
He looked down at Bucky and Bucky rolled his eyes at him.
“Hey, Buck,” Sam said, smiling slightly. For encouragement.
Bucky didn't say anything at first. He glanced again at Alexei and then back at Sam.
"Hi, Sam," he finally breathed softly. The oxygen mask over his mouth and nose fogged up.
Shostakov smiled.
“I heard you were skydiving again, buddy,” Sam offered.
Bucky didn't answer him. He furrowed his brows and rolled his eyes back at the other super soldier . Alexei immediately began speaking in the same calm voice he had when Sam entered the room.
"This is no ruse, kamaráde. Captain America came to see us."
Sam was surprised by how Alexei addressed Bucky, but he didn't comment. As long as it worked.
Bucky stared at Alexei silently for a moment, then finally said, "Okay." He swallowed hard and asked louder. "Sam...can he …stay?"
"Of course," Alexei agreed.
Sam pulled up a chair. He sat across from Shostakov and folded his hands in his lap. He didn't dare to touch Bucky.
It wasn't long before the sedative in Bucky’s IV got him clumsy again. At first, he had trouble keeping his eyes open, squinting, trying to fight off the fatigue. Alexei advised him in a low voice not to fight his sleep. He promised that when he woke up, he would still be in New York in 2027. Finally, when Bucky's eyes closed, he was clearly somewhere else. He muttered a series of numbers several times. Shostakov patted the back of Bucky's hand, reminding him again that everything was okay, and Bucky didn't make a sound anymore. Only then did Alexei raise his head to Sam.
“Let’s go get some vodka, Captain America.” Suddenly his voice was different. Thicker. With a more pronounced accent. Red guardian pushed back his chair, stood up heavily, and headed for the door.
Sam took a good look at Bucky's sleeping face. He didn't want to leave, but Alexei didn't sound like he was giving him a choice.
An unknown man walked past Alexei in the infirmary. He was wearing an oversized sweatshirt, corduroy pants and sneakers. So, it wasn’t nurse or doctor. He gave Sam a single glance and sat down in the chair next to Bucky. He placed a book on the bed, found a page.
Sam had no idea who the guy was or why he wanted to keep Bucky company, maybe even read to him, but he didn't say anything. He sensed that there was a certain dynamic between the members of the team of redundant scums. And definitively there was a goodwill.
Walker, Yelena, Ava, and Shostakov were chatting quietly in the hallway. They fell silent when Sam appeared. They put on stern expressions and led him up two floors. Sam recognized this floor too. There still was a common room with a large kitchen and several options for sitting.
But this time, Sam felt like he was visiting relatives with whom he didn't have a good relationship, and no one was sure how to get along.
One of them made him tea, placed it on the table in front of him, and didn't say a word. Sam didn't notice who it was, so out of politeness he thanked them all and didn't make eye contact with anyone.
“Ava, tea?” Shostakov croaked terribly loudly. “He’s a huge man! You can’t give him tea! He wants vodka!” He pointed wildly at Sam. “There’s a new Captain America sitting here with us!” And there wasn’t a hint of contempt in his voice. Was Alexei always so positively enthusiastic?
Walker, who had sat across from Sam and as far away as possible, chuckled. The man could annoy Sam just by the way he breathed.
"What is it, Walker ?"
John said nothing. He wrinkled his nose, twisted his mouth into a grin, and folded his arms across his chest. So, the old antipathies persisted.
Sam let him be. He cleared his throat, "Who can update me on Bucky's condition? I guess he still has me listed as next of kin," he began.
Yelena glared at Ava. Apparently she hadn't expected Bucky to give Sam such powers.
“Yes,” Ava said. “Dr. Crusher will be joining us in a moment.”
Sam nodded. "Look, I'm starting to understand why you wanted some information from me in the first place." He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. "Bucky has his bugs and you need to get to know them quickly."
Everyone nodded.
“Look, first let me thank you for taking care of him,” Sam said, meaning every word.
A silent "what?" went through the team.
"I'm glad you girls called me. It's a bit awkward between us right now, but he—Bucky has priority. And from what I've seen here so far, I have to admit... you probably mean well."
Everyone nodded again.
"You want to help him."
Even Walker nodded.
"And you don't know why he sometimes reacts—let's say—strangely."
"And we especially don't know why his serum isn't doing its job," Walker growled. He was getting impatient. Wilson could save the speeches for later.
Sam took a moment to answer. "Well... I've seen that his wounds don't always heal the same way."
"Yes," Yelena urged. That was exactly what they wanted to know.
Sam added sugar to his tea and began to stir. “He always healed worse when his body had more previous injuries or was exhausted... or stressed.” It couldn’t have been said more simply. All his listeners looked at each other. He confirmed what they had suspected for four days.
“Sam,” Ava said first. “I guess we can’t undo what we’ve put Bucky through lately,” she breathed. “We didn’t do it on purpose. And we definitely want to do it right now—”
"—and we're certainly not doing it right now," Walker interrupted her roughly. "He has the best medical care, and yet he's not getting better. Not once, when he was conscious, he was oriented, didn't recognize us..."
“He recognized Captain America here!” Alexei pointed at Sam with both hands, his voice filled with pride.
"Look, that's because I've already been through this with Bucky," Sam sighed. "I'm afraid I'm already in his nightmares... literally. I'm known to him even in the shadow world."
"But he doesn't have nightmares, does he?" Yelena said a little uncertainly. She didn't believe her own statement.
"He does," Walker muttered. "I heard him at night… almost every night."
Alexei nodded sadly. His and John's enhanced hearing was sometimes a curse.
Yelena pursed her lips tightly. Her eyes sparkled.
“It’s like sleeping next to a toddler,” Walker continued. “He’ll wake up screaming and before you can move to go to him, he’s asleep again.” He thought for a moment and added, “or he’ll wake up at three in the morning and go wandering around the house,” he shrugged.
"Why didn't you ever say something, Walker!" Yelena attacked him. "Why didn't Bucky ever tell us about it?" She immediately asked herself.
"It's not easy for him, Yelena . He's got bad habits. It in him, deep down." Sam reached out to take Yelena's hand, but she flinched. He folded his hands in his lap instead and added, "The Winter Soldier doesn't complain. The Winter Soldier doesn't sleep. The Winter Soldier is always on guard. The Winter Soldier is indestructible... until Bucky Barnes digs his butt into the ground."
"But Bucky is—" she sighed.
"Bucky is Bucky," Sam said. "He's a jerk who, if you let him... won't notice, will start putting your needs before his. Trust me, I found that out the hard way too."
There was silence at the table. Sam let it lie for a moment. He looked around. The kitchen around him looked like it was inhabited. There were six mugs on the countertop, used so often that no one bothered to put them back in the cupboard. Sam guessed for a moment which belonged to whom. The light blue one was at the back. No one had drunk from it for a few days. And yet the cup was washed, there was a spoon ready on it, and it was among the others.
"Look," Sam thought. "If you want to do something right, like right now, listen to me," he said firmly. "What's happening down in the infirmary, right now, is because Bucky is out of touch with reality. He's drugged up, he can't move, he's in the middle of a room with no windows, and even though it's a fancy medical facility, to him it's just another HYDRA lab."
“That makes sense.” It was Walker again, confirming Sam’s words. Maybe he could serve as a good reference point. He’s been a soldier on missions. He understands what’s happening to Bucky.
“So it will help if we move him!” Yelena’s eyes brightened a little.
"Ideally, in his own room," Sam requested. "I guess you're all staying here somewhere now."
Ava nodded. She got up from her chair and left without a word so she could talk to the infirmary and implement the changes immediately.
"Bucky doesn't see his therapist regularly anymore, but it would be a good idea to let her know and ask her to come to a session. She's Christina Raynor ..." Sam picked up his phone. "I hope I have her number somewhere..."
“That’s good, Sam.” Yelena stopped him. “Walker, Ava, and Alexei are seeing her.” Was she telling something secret? Walker was frowning at her. “Bob and I have different therapists . We didn’t get with her along very well. She’s a little… sharp.” Yelena added, to show that she was willing to share her own secrets. In the end, it was Bucky who kept telling them over and over that they had nothing to be ashamed of. Going to a therapist was normal in this century, and it helped…
“Yeah, I understand she doesn’t get along with everyone.” Sam thought back to his meeting with Raynor a few years ago. He hadn’t been impressed. But when the storm of GRC and Flagmashers had calmed down and Bucky had chosen to continue to visit her—albeit less regularly.
Sam allowed himself a slight smile at Yelena . He also sent an encouraging look at Walker . He didn't expect him to find his way to mental care either.
"Yeah, my girl and young Sentry are more tearful. Christina doesn't like to see that." Shostakov growled, earning a kick under the table from Yelena.
No one explained to Sam who the Sentry was.
***
Sam had very mixed feelings as he left the doctor's office. He still was, indeed, Bucky's next of kin, but he had never heard about Dr. Crusher before. She seemed to be nice, interested in her patients, and clearly wanted the information Sam could provide for good reasons.
She answered all of Sam's questions about Bucky's current condition and the condition he was likely in before he went airborne. Sam was distressed. How many of those injuries could he have prevented if he hadn't turned his back on Bucky and supported him? Bucky was there for him when Torres was fighting for his life…
But in the end, the results were satisfactory. According to the latest examinations, Bucky's physical condition was improving. And Sam will make sure that there is no further neglect.
Yelena was waiting for Sam in the hallway again. And she was smiling.
"You were right." She shone.
"In what?" Sam didn't understand.
"Bucky's awake again. And he wasn't crazy about it at all." As if she was bragging to her brother that something had been accomplished. Sam shook himself at the thought. He had been in the enemy's stronghold for a few hours and was already beginning to assign the roles of the individual inhabitants of the tower to members of one big wild family. This has to stop, Wilson !
"Come on, Sam. Bucky's in his room." Yelena urged him to go.
Sam squared his shoulders and let her walk him. He was suddenly nervous about meeting Bucky Barnes. The last time they had spoken was on the phone wasn’t good. Sam growled at him, Bucky listened and then hung up. Neither of them called back.
Bucky's room was a floor above the kitchen, where Sam had sat with the other Tower residents about an hour ago. Down the hallway back, there were several more identical doors that Sam assumed belonged to the others. This floor didn't look anything like it was when Steve lived here. Sam didn't even know what floor he was on.
Yelena stopped at the last door on the right and opened it a crack. She didn't go in, just let Sam go first. He was greeted again by Shostakov's back. The Red Guardian sat on the side of Bucky's bed in an absurdly small chair, leaning forward slightly, muttering something. His voice was once again different from his normal one. His accent was barely recognizable. He was explaining to Bucky why he had been moved from the infirmary. And he promised a grand and bright future.
Bucky was lying in his bed, covered with a light beige blanket that matched the color of the pillows on one of the chairs by the window. It was probably Bucky's own personal sheets. No standard hospital blankets.
Next to the bed was a mobile table with several devices and an infusion pump.
Bucky was lying slightly on his left side. Instead of pillows under his head, he had several foam supports spread out around his body to keep his position stable and as comfortable as possible. Around his chest he wore a hard plastic skeletal corset.
Paralyzed – said Dr. Crusher about an hour ago .
The neck collar was also still present, so Sam had to walk into Bucky's field of vision so his injured friend could see him.
Bucky moved his eyes to Sam, and Shostakov noticed it immediately. He looked over his shoulder — " Oh ," he said, stood up, nodded to Sam, and gave him his seat. “We'll be close,” he told Sam and on the way, he took Yelena away. She didn't really want to leave, but finally the door slammed shut.
"Hello again, Bucky."
"Hi, Sam."
Sam took a few quick steps towards the bed and sat down on that absurdly small stool.
"It looks like you're coming to your senses this time."
His answer was a raised eyebrow. Bucky licked his lips. He still looked dazed. But his gaze was fixed on Sam.
“How you feeling, man?” Sam asked.
"Nothing much."
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I can imagine that."
“Sam,” Bucky whispered urgently. “I’m sorry.”
Of course, the first thing he'll do is try to apologize. Even if it's not his fault and maybe he doesn't even know what it is. Sam thought.
Sam shook his head. “Dude, this is all so confusing.” He leaned back in his chair and looked around the room. He gave them both a little time to think about what to say next. He saw the simple furniture, the television, the reading chair — a book lying open across its arm rest, a nest on the floor that seemed to be...
“Is that a cat nest?” Sam lowered his eyebrows.
Bucky blinked.
"You have a cat? This is your room, right?"
"Yes Sam... I have... we have a cat."
Sam smiled warmly. "You've never had a plant... or a fish... and now a cat!"
“It’s Yelena,” Bucky sighed. “I dragged her to therapy and she dragged the cat here.” He spoke very slowly. He paused between sentences. “She said their doctor recommended it to Bob.” Bucky lifted himself up on his left elbow, very heavily, just a few inches, to look around the room. The right side of his body lay still. “The animal is probably here with us somewhere… She usually hides in my room, even though technically she’s Yelena’s.”
Sam didn't interfere. He waited patiently for Bucky to lie back down on the mattress, exhausted. Only then did Sam adjust some of the foam bolsters so Bucky could lie comfortably again.
"I have to admit I was surprised when the girls invited me for coffee."
"They shouldn't have bothered you."
"Buck, I’m in no mood for joking," Sam frowned, but added more pleasantly. "I'm glad they called me."
Bucky nodded. "Did I mess it up?"
"The mission or...?" Sam was afraid Bucky meant their friendship.
There was a moment of silence. Bucky had a hard time getting his words together. It was hard to concentrate on getting his point across. “The mission,” he finally said.
Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "I don’t know. You tell me what happened there?"
"I underestimated the preparation," Bucky admitted. He searched his memory again. "Civilians. There shouldn't have been civilians there."
Sam nodded. He had no idea what the mission was about. The presence of soft targets is always a complication.
“I hate to admit that, bud your little team is doing pretty good. They didn’t say the mission was fail,” Sam said. “But they were pretty scared by your stunt.” He took a breath. “They’re worried about you and they are trying to take care of you the best they can. I can appreciate that.”
Bucky lowered his gaze. He didn't want to look Sam in the eye right now. Luckily, Sam continued. "Look, Bucky, I know we've been in trouble lately. But it was because of... work. And this isn't work, okay. This," Sam pointed at Bucky, who was lying all over. "This is you when you need a friend." He pointed at himself. "And this is me who wants to be a friend." He added, waving behind him. "Look, those guys out there are trying, but you're not making it easy for them. It'll be too late before they figure out what's going on in your head." He paused dramatically. "And THAT'S your fault!" He finished his thought.
Bucky still didn't look at him and frowned, taking in what Sam had said for a moment and then realizing he had a perfectly easy excuse to postpone another discussion he didn't want to have. He closed his eyes. "Sam, I want to sleep."
Sam didn't buy it from him. "Just give me a minute. I spoke to your doctor..."
"Then you know more than I do."
"Your paralysis ..."
Bucky interrupted him. This time he looked him in the eye. "Sam, it'll be okay. I'll get some sleep and then we'll break it up."
"How are you going to break something when you can’t walk?"
Bucky snorted. With great effort, he focused on his right hand. His fingers moved and curled into a fist. He lifted his entire arm a few inches above the mattress, sweat forming on his forehead. Then he opened his palm toward Sam. “See? It’ll get better.”
Sam braced himself. They were getting into deep water. "I guess I don't want to know how you know so sure."
“Then don’t ask.” Bucky quickly put his hand back on his stomach. His fingertips were trembling.
"Buck?"
"Yeah?"
"Why didn't you tell them anything?"
"What?"
"To your team, Bucky. Why didn't you admit to them that you weren't fit."
"I don't know," Bucky lied flatly. "What are you talking about?"
"About three broken ribs?"
"If you hit the roof of a house, you'll break a rib."
"Those were the other five fractures... I'm talking about the third, fourth, and fifth ribs on your right side."
"Sam, I really haven't had time to— " Bucky licked his lips. His throat was dry. "— count the remains of my ribcage," Bucky said irritably. He was lying. Every time he woke up, even under the weight of the painkillers, he was well aware of which parts of his body had taken the most damage. "Two hours ago, I thought I was on Siberia, Sam. What else did I keep from my team?"
“You tell me.” Sam remembered what Dr. Crusher had said . “What about an infection? Because you had a really high fever last night.” He straightened his back, sighed, and furrowed his brows. “Have you been getting enough sleep lately? Are you still making sure you’re getting enough quality food?” Before Bucky could defend himself, Sam answered for him. “I’ll let you a secret… neither of those things have been your priority lately.”
"Sam—"
"Yeah yeah yeah," Sam understood, but he had to get it out. "Walker needed to make up with his wife; Alexei needed an accountant; this place needed to be secured and Valentina was making a mess; Yelena brought a cat, and Congress wanted their attendance from 9:00 AM to 16:00 PM... That's what you did, Bucky! You took care of the team, you took care of the office, and you completely screwed Bucky Barnes!"
Bucky squirmed, and if he hadn't had the positioning wedge wedged behind his right shoulder blade, he would have used all his energy to turn his back on Sam. "And it felt so good," he said harshly.
Sam froze, but he understood. Bucky Barnes had always needed someone to look after. It was his nature. Standing back and providing support was his comfort zone. And this group of losers damn well needed someone who meant well and was honest with them. They couldn't rely just on Valentina.
They couldn't rely on Sam.
"Okay, Bucky," he said in a more conciliatory tone. "You're in your element again, huh? You have people to provide for. But answer me, pleas... why are you working for her? Why Valentina Countess from Hell?"
Bucky took a moment to consider how to answer so that Sam wouldn't get upset again. "Because she has the resources, Sam.” That was the simplest and honest answer. “We can play superhero, but without money we're just good intentions and slogans on posters. When something happens, we can't take Alexei's limousine and go save the world." Bucky lifted his right hand with difficulty and pointed around and at himself. "Superheroing won't pay for our health insurance, and the doctor's bills would be... oh well. I can't even imagine that."
"I see," Sam smiled heartily. "And there are three super soldiers living in the barracks. The grocery bill must be huge."
Bucky smiled too. "You have no idea."
There was silence between them for a moment.
"Sam, I don't mean to be rude, but I would really appreciate it," Bucky closed his eyes. "... I'm tired."
“Sure.” Sam reached out and squeezed Bucky’s hand.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” A soft voice came from the bed. “We have a guest rooms… whole floor of quest rooms.”
"Sure, buddy." Sam assured him, not letting go of his hand. "But let me... if I go up there, to your team, and they ask me why...What am I supposed to tell them?"
"Tell them what you want, Sam."
"Bucky, I'm serious. They're really confused and want answers. They are interested, well-intentioned, but I understand if you don't want certain things— "
"Sam, I trust you... tell them whatever you want," Bucky was already mumbling the words.
"Okay," Sam replied.
Bucky didn't fall asleep quickly, but neither of them said anything. Sam waited patiently until Bucky started breathing regularly.
***
Sam made his way through a maze of doors and corridors to find the staircase that led up to the kitchen. He had seen the coffee machine there before. He wanted to help himself, as he had no desire for tea from the English lady or vodka from the Russian bear.
The new Avengers were in the common room again. As if Valentina had glued them together. Before they noticed Sam, he was watching them. The girls, and that weird Bob, were sitting close to each other, talking quietly. Walker had his feet on the table, a book in his hand and he seemed to be — actually, reading it. Sam remembered the book on Bucky's chair… it belonged to the same series. Shostakov was drying the dishes, even though there was a dishwasher built into the sink.
"Bucky is sleeping." Sam announced to them, making his presence known.
Once, "ok", twice, "good", and twice, "da" in Russian.
Sam shook his head. Who in their right mind, these days, would put together a team that was half Russian spies and half assassins? He helped himself to the coffee machine, took abandoned blue mug, Bucky would consent, and more questions were swirling in his head. This was such a disparate group... and yet they clearly clicked. He wanted to keep getting mad at Bucky for taking charge of the human wreckage, but since this morning all he had seen was warmth, great effort, and concern for his colleague — or a friend?
Sam leaned his back against the kitchen island. “Hey, you asked for some information at that coffee shop this morning.” He took a sip. The coffee was bitter. He knew exactly who had picked these kinds of beans. “I’ll try to answer whatever you ask. But I reserve the right not to answer if it’s too intimate for me or Bucky.”
Shostakov handed Sam milk and sugar. Sam accepted it with thanks.
"Did Barnes really knocked up your sister?" was the first thing that came out of Walker.
Sam went red.
Ava punched Walker on the shoulder. "Don't be an asshole!"
"No, he didn’t!" Sam replied sharply. "Any other stupid questions, Walker?"
Walker pursed his lips and shook his head, satisfied that he pissed Sam off.
"How come you're not blondie anymore, John?" Sam snapped back.
Walker wrinkled his nose. "I'm surprised they didn't bleach you when you took over the captaincy."
"What?" Sam gritted his teeth.
"Jesus, Wilson, the government wanted me to be blonde! They bleached me. Now when I don't have to… I'm me. More redhead."
Sam spat out his coffee. John didn't find it funny.
"Hey! We need information about our Bucky!” Yelena intervened. “For start… We already get that gig with the infirmary, name, rank, serial number... Bud the is more, right?"
Sam dragged a chair to the table.
Walker took his feet off the table and straightened up. He was suddenly serious. "What did you mean by Bucky jumped from heights before without a parachute?"
“Like he likes heights and adrenaline?” Yelena asked enthusiastically. Maybe she could find a climbing partner that she enjoyed.
"No, Yelena," Sam replied. "Bucky doesn't like heights. And I'm pretty sure he's even inherently afraid of them."
"What?" Five outbursts came at once.
"Yes, Bucky is afraid of heights." Sam confirmed once more. "He's been since he was little boy. Steve used to make him ride the roller coaster at Coney Island and it always made him sick. And he never got over it."
"Even if..." Ava waved a hand around her head so she wouldn't have to say that she was thinking about Bucky being brainwashed by HYDRA.
"Not even if," Sam confirmed. He sipped his coffee. "We were on a mission together where I had to transfer him to a bomber we were chasing. I've never seen him so nervous as when we were standing on the stand, getting our gear ready. He was flying with me and I would never let him fall — he knows that, but even though, he was visibly shaking. He didn't say a word. The mission went perfectly, and then I didn't see him for the rest of the day."
"Bucky Barnes is afraid of heights," Bob said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't have thought of that."
"Neither do I," Walker admitted.
"We super soldiers are built for ground combat!" Alexei blurted out, and to prove his point, he shoved Walker. He received a dry remark in response.
"If it's having such a bad effect on him... How do we know that we are putting him in situation he's uncomfortable with?" Ava asked.
Sam thought. "You don't recognize it," he admitted honestly. "There are things that HYDRA has suppressed in him so much that they will never fully mend." Sam's fingers found a broken piece at the bottom of the mug. He began to fidget. "But Bucky is trying. In most cases, he is aware that he has to go against himself, against some compulsion, and make a conscious decision what is good for him."
The kettle of hot water began to whistle on the kitchen counter. Ava got up and went to pour herself a strong black tea. A small reminder that she was English. “And what if he doesn’t realize that this situation is not good for him?” she asked.
"Then you have to intervene and confront him," Sam replied. "He'll probably fuck you up, but at least you'll know you pointed out his bullshit."
“When else does he have to go against himself?” Bob asked.
Sam looked at him carefully. Who was he? Bob was a mystery. But he asked good questions.
“After we cut Bucky off from HYDRA, he went off grid for two years.” Sam thought it would be better to give them a more complete Bucky story. The files from when Bucky was held by HYDRA were in boxes. Available. They could read the horror for themselves. He doesn’t have to tell them this. But what they wouldn’t read elsewhere were the years Bucky spent on the run and in Wakanda. Years that were just as important. “Steve and I searched for him for two years in vain.”
"Where was he?"
"So many different places. He was mainly hiding in Eastern Europe. From time to time we picked up a signal, that he settled accounts with the remnants of HYDRA. But the important thing was that he managed to survive at all."
"I have no doubt that the Winter Soldier could take care of himself."
"Well, Alexei, not exactly," Sam sighed.
All eyes were on him. As if he were telling a thrilling story around the campfire. Ava held the milk jug in the air.
"The Winter Soldier was a very effective weapon. And like all weapons, he needed maintenance," Sam indicated where the story would go. No one interrupted him. They stared. "And much to HYDRA's displeasure, their weapon was built on a relatively susceptible human construct — even with the super serum." Everyone nodded in understanding, and Sam could continue. "Let's put aside human traits like the need for socialization or communication. Hydra needed to solve the problem of Bucky's need for sleep and food. They created a programmed Super soldier, not a perpetual motion machine. Sleep was replaced by a cryochamber and drugs. Food was a diet stuffed with very complicated mixture of internal nutrition. And what was left… well… drugs, corticosteroids and adrenaline can solve many."
"Shit," Walker muttered under his breath.
Ava, Yelena and Bob exchanged glances.
"So, when HYDRA disappeared, he was on his own to get through drug withdrawal. He figured out that he had to sleep regularly, eat regularly, and take care of his own hygiene." Sam put down his empty mug and straightened his back. "And I have to say, when we found him after two years, he was doing pretty well. He did everything he could do on his own."
“Sam, we’re really glad he got over it then, but how does that relate to today?” Bob asked. That Bob again.
"Bucky learned to control everything consciously. It's not so obvious now, it's been many years already, but for those two years and for some time after that, he was very careful about how much sleep he managed. What his calorie intake was. I saw his diary from a few months after HYDRA. Back then, he wrote down everything... like when he brushed his teeth. He was learning a normal human routine and at the same time this diaries reassured him that if he had a memory lapse — which he still did at the time — he had something to fall back on."
“I think he still has the diaries,” Walker said. “In his library. I accidentally opened one when — I was looking for something to read.” The corners of his mouth twitched. “Bucky was pretty pissed off that I touched it. Wilson, are you sure you’re even supposed to tell us this?”
Sam nodded. He appreciated John's interest in Bucky's privacy. "Bucky agreed that I could say whatever I’m comfortable with. And like I said before... if you're serious about this superhero thing of yours and Bucky's with you, you need to know where the weaknesses of both enemy and friend lie."
"We mean it !" Alexei roared.
“Fine,” Sam stood up. He put the mug under the coffee maker and helped himself to another dose of caffeine. “Because even though Buck and I went into each other's hair lately—”
Yelena and Ava giggled. Bucky's vs Sam's hair.
Sam didn't let himself be derailed. "I want him to be okay. Because when shit falls into the fan, Bucky will put you before himself… and you've already experienced that. He took care of your relationships with ex- wives, accountants, psychologists,—" the white cat jumped onto the table.
“Yuck! Yelena!” Walker roared.
Yelena pulled the cat onto her lap. "Yeah, we understand. Bucky took care of us and we didn’t took care of him. Bud Sam, we didn't know he would completely neglect himself!"
"And that's exactly what I'm talking about," Sam said contentedly. "Bucky forgets about Bucky in a crisis. He starts skipping meals, sleeping poorly, or hiding his injuries."
"And why did he do that?" Bob's question.
"Because they taught him this better than chanting Hail HYDRA in thirty-seven world languages."
"It must have hurt him…"
"He has a very high pain threshold," Sam sighed and shrugged. "He's capable of functioning well beyond his capabilities. He will go into battle with concussion, so he doesn't have to leave it up to one of you."
"Idiot," Walker muttered. Sam didn't sense disgust in his tone. More like a sigh. Since Walker had managed to get him to talk, he could only agree with him now. Bucky was an idiot. But their idiot!
"And we're supposed to check it before every mission? And X-ray before and after every job? We can’t do that!"
"No, Ava. You just have to ask him," Sam replied calmly. "He'll try to lie to you, he'll start fidgeting, and finally he'll get to the reasonable argument that he can't run a marathon with a broken leg."
"That didn't convince me much, Sam."
“…I think I can tell when something’s wrong,” Bob muttered. Of all the people present, Bob was the best.
"Excuse me," Sam said. "And who are you?"
"I'm Bob," Bob shrugged.
The other team members burst out laughing.
***
Sam wouldn't learn who Bob was for months, but Ava and Shostakov had set up regular family dinners where they could quietly monitor that their Winter Soldier ate at least one hot meal a day. Walker and Yelena began carrying protein bars in their pockets, which they would shove into Bucky's hand at opportune moments — he could never say no to something with coconut and chocolate in it. After every mission, when they returned home, Bob lightly brushed his hand against Bucky's. Just lightly enough for him to look inside, to sense any physical discomfort — discomfort is term Bucky had once called a broken collarbone.
Bucky never noticed Bob's cursory touches.
After all, the Sentry was fast!